Good and Bad Days: We All Have Them

Matt. 13:48 (KJV) “Which, when it was full, they drew to shore, and sat down, and gathered the good into vessels, but cast the bad away.”

Good days and bad days: we all have them

I’m sure we all have our good days and bad days; we know they’re bad when things go wrong and we see them as good when everything falls into place like a row of dominoes. While yes, I admittedly suffer from PTSD, I myself see more good days than bad and to me, they are all positive steps toward my healing. 

Jer. 29:11 (NIV) “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

As home slowly becomes more familiar to me, I feel the healing in the core of my being. The first few weeks though, of being home, felt like an unending carousel ride. That very first Monday I was Mrs. Popular in that everyone wanted a piece of me. I had calls from the home health nurse, the physical therapist, my oncologist office and the Cancer Center’s radiation office. Emails were sounding in from my mother in law wanting to come see me, sister in law auntie and uncle, everyone wanted a piece of this broken woman and how do I tell them all to just SHUT UP in a polite manner? 

My first Monday morning was an assertion day, I was going to take hold of my surroundings, my activities, and my appointments. I was not going to be TOLD to come here, or do this or do that, I would tell THEM what I was willing to do! I was going to take back what I lost!

First up, the home health nurse, Mandy, the woman I had only met on that day I was exiting in an ambulance, yes, she could come. Physical therapist, yes she was allowed. The oncologist? I’ll see you sometime next week. The radiation nurse, I asked if it could be put off for a week as I regained my bearings now that I was home. They were fine with that, setting me up the following week for my two (week) five-day sessions. Ten treatments in all to the healing left femur.

The emails were more targeted to my husband than me because it hurt to type on my laptop. I didn’t have a bend and stretch out mobility, I had a stiff-as-a-board-lay-there-and-be- good, semblance. Computer stuff would have to wait for a spell. I’d send out a 'hey' to friends and let them know I was still alive and as I knew they would be, they were more than understanding and just happy to know I was home. 

Monday was going along smoothly except for me missing my husband who had to go to work with worry on his mind trying to remember if I was set up well enough to be alone. Since we fibbed a little to get me home, I assured him I would be fine, and I was. As scary as the surroundings were, I was HOME and that was good enough for me! 

Now keep in mind, I had not bathed in twenty days. A wipe-down at the hospital but not a thing at the nursing home! Not a wipe, not a rag, nothing! I even used my own kleenex when I had to do my business. So when my mother-in-law wanted to bring his uncle to the house because he’d be ‘in town’, I had to say no way! I was not up to ‘visitors’, I needed to HEAL. I needed time! It all felt so rushed and the kaleidoscope began with its pretty colors and I was getting dizzy.

She said she understood but could her friend from church bring out food? I think she mentioned cookies or something. I told hubby to gently say, NEXT WEEK! Dang. I loved that everyone was so concerned, but I felt like the people who just lost a family member and friends would clamor to come over and bring food at the most inopportune time. Not to be rude but please send love, condolences and give them some space and time. Not a month, just breathing room. Please, don't turn this into how you lost someone and loved those people doing that for you. I appreciated EVERY bit of stirring also. I was suffocating and I needed to BREATHE! 

All appointments set, I slept. I slept and slept some more. Now it was time to move onto healing. The home health nurse brought me a hair-washing cap. You place it on your head, rub your fingers intensely and voila, your hair is water-free washed. It worked marvelously! She supplied an ample amount of body-wipes, and hubby he produced a bucket of water and a rag where I felt refreshing water on my face for the first time in twenty some days! Moving right along. 

I did have the nurse in tears, not bawling because they need to maintain distance and composure in their job, but her eyes were brimming at the sad painful story I’d tell. I had to get it off my chest so each person, professional or family, my story spilled into their ears and leaked from their eyes. They were shocked, then amazed at the strength I carried. I made it perfectly clear it surely was not me, it was God that they saw IN me! 

My healing was nothing short of astonishing to all who were witness to me. The radiation nurses saw me go from gurney to wheelchair within a week. From assisting me onto the slab to minimal help to no help needed at all. This was happening in a ten day period of time! 

My oncologist even showed signs of wonderment at my speedy recovery time. Not only my Oral Chemo and blood cell count healing time but my physical mobility healing time. All were displaying awe and wonder and were quite vocal in letting me know that this was nothing short of amazing. Doctor’s will not touch the ‘miracle’ label, but here I was, in their face, a living breathing healing miracle!

So as I have good days and bad days, it is all a part of the intricate veins of healing. People sometimes think healing happens in the blink of an eye but they need to know and understand how to appreciate the time and effort that goes into producing a work of wonder. Noah’s Ark wasn’t built in a day, the great Pyramids didn’t appear out of thin air and Jesus Himself took nine months to make a physical show. One step at a time is truly meant to be one breath at a time, and it is never our time, it is always His time. 

All praise and Glory to God! AMEN! 

Ecc. 3:11 (NIV) “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”

HOME! The Real Miracle

Ex. 28:17 "And thou shalt set in it settings of stones, even four rows of stones: the first row shall be a sardius, a topaz, and a carbuncle: this shall be the first row."

Home, The Last Five Days of Rehab: The Stones

Monday came. Ray and I were awakened because she had dialysis that day. They woke her, dressed her, and had her ready for pick-up. On her ‘D’ days, she was grumpy and irritable, talking and cursing under her breath, swearing she was going to find a new home. I had the feeling since she had been there for three years, this was the best place she could find. I didn’t get all of the details on her that I would’ve liked but I knew enough to know, she was settled and she was staying. The nurses loved her and that was truly important in this place.

I woke because well, they’re pretty noisy in getting Ray dressed and ready and I want to grab someone to help me before they leave, so I was always awake at five a.m. This morning I would once again wait to receive my medications but I realize that this is the norm for this place, you get them when you get them. 

Today was the day that my voice was going to be heard, about my meds, about the disaster that happened Saturday and how this place is a pit from hell with incapacitated elderly people sprawled throughout. There were some who actually walked but honestly, the only one that I saw was Santa! But they already knew all of this and it’s really not telling them anything they don’t already know.

From around the curtain popped the one nurse from Sunday that I knew, Cathy and the aide Sondra. Cathy asked if I’d had my coffee yet today and when I said no she ran and got me one while Sondra cleaned up the previous trays from the day before. I told them that I’d be leaving this place by Friday if I could and they were like, “Awww, but you’ll be missed!” I told them that this place was becoming too traumatic a journey for me and a hindrance any healing. They both nodded and understood completely.

My physical therapy consisted of some leg lifts and exercises to prepare my leg to bend. For too many days my leg had stayed straight and felt like it would never bend again but I knew, in order to get out, I would work on bending my leg, one gentle step at a time. While physical and occupational therapy lasted a half hour tops, I worked out five times a day. My right arm was becoming stronger and stronger and helped immensely when I needed to push myself back on the bed.

Today was about Jacki and Erikka. Jacki was one of the administrators of the building as was Erikka. When Jacki came in she said she wanted to hear my side of the story about Saturday because she had heard everyone else's side. She also wanted to show me a stone. A precious purple stone, so shiny it lit the room. I looked at it and thought of Santa and his words of wisdom, ‘looking at the stone reminded me of looking at a million mountains’. This stone was chiseled from someplace special I could tell. She let me hold it and then she sat it in the sun in the window. “I can only loan this to you for the day but I want this to lift your spirits.” I had tears in my eyes as I said thank you. I always had the ladies laughing and she knew I was not in a good way this day, she knew I needed a lift and at this moment God used her to bring a beautiful stone to lift my spirit. Don’t judge me, I needed EVERYTHING I could get in that place to lift me up!

When Erikka walked in a little later carrying a bigger rock, a multi-colored stone that looked like it jumped right out of a scene of a Superman movie, I cried. Why is God bringing me these beautiful chiseled stones or is satan taunting me. I was so weak I could not tell so I prayed, for wisdom and knowledge that would lead me in the way I should go. The one main thing I received from these two visitors was the realization that I had allies in this place of doom, they were the ones who would see me out the front door! 

The nights of darkness enveloped me and sealed me in a cocoon. The voices, the shadows all played like a kaleidoscope in my head. I was hurting mentally and physically and all I had to cling to was my God in the most powerful way, alone and being tried. The stone sat in the window cove with my hospital treasures awaiting the sun so the brilliance of colors could shine through. The clouds and rain kept the stone from its glory.

We had a dilemma this week. For me to get home, I would need a ramp built so I could get into the house. Everything IN the house was already handicap ready. The other thing I needed was to get my leg bent! No matter how much I was fighting to get out of here, I could go nowhere if I couldn’t get into my car.

Erikka came into my room, sat on the side of the bed and whispered in her soft angelic voice, “Just say the word, and I can have you home today.” Erikka was a thin beautiful woman with sunrise orange hair pulled on top of her head. She glided in the room so as to look like she was floating. Sometimes her hair was flowing down her back over her modest vest of a matte color, eyes as blue as a cloudless sky.

Through tears I explained the dilemma, my leg needs to bend and we need a ramp built. I could taste home. Although I forgot what the back of the house looked like, how my flowers circled the house the last time I saw them, my Sassy dog was no longer there to greet me and Riley, the guys said, was playing hide and seek, she KNEW I wasn’t there. AND there was the fear of what home held for me. Joni was in need of a miracle!

After two weeks of discussion about a ramp being built and the cost, it seemed it just couldn't be done. Worry swept in like a Texas dust storm! They will not release me until they’re sure I have everything right at home. Steven had already taken on so much with taking care of me and running back and forth getting me stuff, he was now frazzled and ready for the hospital himself, just a different ward, if you know what I mean. Then in stepped his brother. Apparently, mom had contacted him, told him of our troubles, he contacted hubby and the only day he had off work to do the ramp was Wednesday, he could get the ramp done in a day! Now, all we needed was the weather to comply.

We had five days straight of cloudy, rainy, chilly weather after the day of me sitting in the sun seeing Santa. Forty-degrees and wind is pretty chilly, no, downright cold! I needed a miracle! Hubby was looking at the weather on his computer and he said that it looked like I’d get my miracle, a break in the weather for ONE DAY, Wednesday! It would be in the seventies! I thought, yeah, that will be a miracle.

Wednesday came, the SUN rose and peeked in my window, it reported loudly that today I’d get my miracle! I waited, I had coffee, I chatted with the nurses and assured them with great certainty that Friday I would be released! They hugged me, told me how much they’d miss me, we laughed and we cried, and we all commented on how I was the little miracle of St. John’s nursing home! 

By afternoon the day had topped out at eighty some degrees! The ramp was finished, paid for by his brother, and a pic was sent to my phone so I could show the Administrators of what this little miracle was capable of. They all agreed, Joni would be going home on Friday! Ray was mighty sad because ‘we’re fwends, right?’ I’ll never forget you, Ray! 

The one lady who saw to it that I got into this place kept telling me that my insurance had agreed to pay for another week if I needed. I laughed so hard I woke Ray up from her nap. “No thank you, I AM GOING HOME!”

On Thursday the cool temps and clouds returned, I readied for my Friday release! In the wee hours of Friday morning when I pushed the button for a nurse to bring me my meds, around the corner came Erikka, the beautiful angel who only worked day shift! She came in to do night shift JUST FOR ME! 

“Joni?” she whispered in her ever soft voice.

I sat straight up, I knew the voice. I tapped my dim light and saw her aura shining, “Erikka? Is that you,” tears came too easily when she said yes and sat next to me on the edge of my bed.

After giving me my meds, she went on in her whispering voice, “I brought you a healing stone,” she went on, “this stone was broken in half, in the morning light, you’ll see the crack and how it healed itself!”

Tears were now soaking my face and dripping down my chest. I grabbed for a kleenex, I was speechless. “You came for ME?” 

“Yes,” she said, “I prayed for you, for what to give you, I bring you the healing stone.” 

Our eyes met, mine blurred from tears and her blue eyes were brimming, with joy. She pressed the stone into my hand. “I might never see you again.” I squeaked out of my hoarse voice.

“Oh, I think you’ll see me again, you can fly!” With a tight hug and our farewells, she was gone.

Friday sunrise came and it was release day. I could’ve gotten out at nine a.m. but I chose to wait for Ray to come back from dialysis. The nurses were shocked to say the least, that someone so eager to get out, would stay, just for Ray. I stayed! Ray came back, peeked around the curtain and with her last, “Whacha doin’?” I said to her, “Waiting for you!” I gave her the last of my chips tied in a purple ribbon, her favorite color! 

The nurses came in, said their goodbyes and tears were shared by all. I made an impact on every single person I came in contact with during my ten-day stay. Hubby got the car ready, emptied my room of my contents, as I looked at the trays from the prior day and the full commode from that morning I whispered, “I won’t miss you!” 

I was wheeled to my car, passing nurses as I went, I waved with the biggest smile on my face to date… I was going HOME! 

Solar Eclipse from 8-21-17

1 Kgs.10:2 "And she came to Jerusalem with a very great train, with camels that bare spices, and very much gold, and precious stones: and when she was come to Solomon, she communed with him of all that was in her heart."

Josh. 4:8 And the children of Israel did so as Joshua commanded, and took up twelve stones out of the midst of Jordan, as the LORD spake unto Joshua, according to the number of the tribes of the children of Israel, and carried them over with them unto the place where they lodged, and laid them down there.

1 Chron. 29:2 "Now I have prepared with all my might for the house of my God the gold for things to be made of gold, and the silver for things of silver, and the brass for things of brass, the iron for things of iron, and wood for things of wood; onyx stones, and stones to be set, glistering stones, and of divers colours, and all manner of precious stones, and marble stones in abundance."

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good life! 

And I Wait...

Pss. 59:9 “Because of his strength will I wait upon thee: for God is my defence.”

And I wait…

I don’t know what to think and I really don’t want opinions of what I should do. These past two weeks I’ve had a setback. I mentioned it before with all that’s happened and I feel the setback was the wheat bread and the eating of the toxic grains.

I’ve eaten all these wonderful foods all of my life and never in a million years would I imagine something so good for you could be one of the elements causing this disease in me. I’m not even fifty-five years young and already I’m being affected by the strong-arm of an illness that has laid its hands on me, gripping me, expecting me to ‘submit’. I can’t do it. I won’t give up on God like others have done, I just won’t!

I hear people say they care about me but in all honesty, I don’t feel it. How can months (sometimes years) go by and people say ‘I care about you’ and nothing more? How is that caring? You thought about me? Because you think about me and my suffering, that’s caring? I just don’t get it. 

I’m trying to be okay with people passively thinking about me when it’s convenient for them. I’m trying to understand why I sit alone crying my eyes out and no one to listen to me or hug me and say it will all be all right. Just a comforting hug could go a long way in my isolated world.

I notice people give up too easy too. If they’re trying to lose weight, and it doesn’t happen instantaneously they give up. If they pray, and the prayer goes unanswered they give up on God for not being quick with a response. I’ve seen people give up on God who has received miracles, then just gave up with all that hokey stuff and lived life for themselves now that the miracle is over; enough time has passed, they should be safe, right? I guess so, if that is what you believe.

I myself feel I received a miracle of the regaining of my walking ability. For a couple of years the pain was so bad I was relinquished to using a cane and allowed onlookers to pity me with their eyes. People don’t realize their eyes are like speakers when sizing people up the volume is set to high and the bass is felt loud and clear from the person you draw eye contact from. I don’t need the eye contact to feel the faces of pity looking at me.

Since my diagnosis, I’ve come a long way in regaining my strength and the ability to walk, so much so I proudly traipsed around feeling invincible. No one is invincible; a few slices of bread and overconfidence will knock you on your butt and take it all away with one night of sleep. Let me tell you if you don’t have those backup supporters who say, ‘they care about you’ the fall hurts even more.

I’m a mess this week. I had a bad day that led to a couple more bad days and now I try to pick myself up from the rubble I’ve left strewn about the place. I’ve needed a good strong physical hug but even that is scarce because my pain is so bad, it hurts to have a hug. I’m straining to see the light at the end of the tunnel that I know is there. When the pain is so overwhelming it is hard to see or hear anything.

I love the fact that people turn to me for strength, direction, assistance, aid in helping them but in times of my hurting, those tasks are impossible so I shy away from the very venue of that portion of love I receive. I’m hurting, how can I help someone when I’m in the throes of a setback and no one can visually see how bad my days are, again because ‘they care’ but not enough to consider I might be having a hard time or bad day myself.

I want to gently show my friends that while I’m having this hard time, I still can see the light way off at the end of the tunnel. My tears stream, my pain unbearable, my cries to the Lord louder than ever and the echo, the echo of my voice is haunting. In the days of these struggles, the scripture that stands out to me is from Isaiah 40:31

 “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

I have a birthday coming up and I’m not even looking forward to the day. It’s just another day. That’s what people say when they get older, y’know? A good thing my son, who is young, says it now so he has no false illusions about the world around him. It’s just another day. I should get a plaque stating that and hang it on the wall! 

Along with my setback comes grumpiness, bitterness, and downright insensitivity. This is the point where I’m supposed ‘to think’ but I don’t. I put no rein on my thoughts or insensitive blurts. I fail. I don’t think of others and how they might be feeling when I boast of my weight loss when they can’t lose a pound to save their life, or my lack of pain when there’s has them bound to drug relief, or my rejoicing in how great I’m doing walking with a bounce in my step and light in my life. Maybe they want to hear the hard-grained steps I have to bear to wake up each day in the light of optimism. Maybe they long to hear of a setback so they can say ‘aha, I knew you should’ve gone another route’. I’m on the edge about to fall over the cliff and can’t find the upbeat rhythm of words they need to hear to get through their bad day. So there, I’m having a momentary lapse.

I have a loving relationship with God and I know we’ll get through this band of pain together. I wonder sometimes if people think that God has a special light set to shine just on my face but let me tell you, God’s love has no perimeter, His love for us is as personal as any loving relationship we’ll ever have in life. He has no preferential treatment for just me. He loves us all the same. Do we all love Him the same? I don’t know. I think we all try but we all have that period of ‘now we wait’, how each of us handles this period of patience is most definitely different! 

1 John 4:13 “Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit.”

The Christmas Candle

John 8:12 KJV “Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.”

The Christmas Candle

We watched this movie for the first time, The Christmas Candle. The premise was quite simple everyone needed a miracle. In a small town shrouded in the folklore of the Christmas Candle, for a miracle, they were told to light the special candle and pray. Not just any candle would suffice only the Christmas Candle from the town candle maker.

I’m not going to give the entire story away but you get the idea, light a candle and pray. Don’t you wish it was that simple to just light a candle and pray for a miracle? Well quite simple enough all you have to do is pray an earnest heartfelt prayer. Meaning, not just an emoticon will suffice, not just a ‘God I need a miracle’ will do, you need a real prayer. 

After watching the movie, I cried; the tears overflowed from my compassionate understanding heart. I know where each of those people was coming from in needing a miracle and it can be quite disheartening when you pray for a miracle and don’t receive one. I’ve been there before so I know what one looks like and what not receiving a miracle looks like.

We live in self-gratifying times where millions of people need miracles. You could line the streets with people seeking a miracle in their life but I have to ask, what draws them to wanting the miracle? Are they children of Christ seeking a miracle or are they from the school where they heard of this God who dishes out miracles so why not give Him a try? 

Do you believe in miracles of your faith or have you heard of His miraculous touch and would like a piece of the pie? Some people put stock in coincidence while some build their entire life around faith in the Lord. Some ministers standing on the pulpit preach faith but when you turn to them in need of a miracle and you tell them that you’re going to put your faith in God, he tells you that is all well and good but to have a backup plan because we live in reality. That is NOT what you want to hear from a minister you trust. Where is his FAITH and trust in God?

Yes, this exact instance took place a little over nine years ago to us. I’ve written about it before. My husband was going blind and we needed a miracle. We didn’t turn to holy oils and laying on of the hands, we turned to God and prayed for a miracle. Our minister assured us that we had the best of intentions but we needed a backup plan. Needless to say, we didn’t listen to the minister. We left that particular church, sought out a church of actual believers with a spirit-filled minister and two and a half years later our miracle was given, my husband had his sight restored. 

I know you’ll say, two years, I want my miracle NOW! Well, rest assured, you will not get a miracle when you demand one! The Lord asked us to endure the trials and wait, without a doubt and a backup plan. We trusted our Lord to do HIS work and sure enough, as I had every bit of faith He would, He came through.

We had zero health insurance so we turned to our ever-trusty government. They told us that my hubby had to be blind for two years before they would help. So we waited. The wait cost him one of his eyes and so much more but to see again was nothing short of a miracle! My husband’s license was restored to him five years ago and just the other day he had to get it renewed. In government fashion, for hubby, there was no simple online renewal. Nope, he was made to take the driving test again, to see if he could still ‘see’. 

Ironically, his nighttime driving restriction was lifted but the daytime forty-mile radius wasn’t. I say ironically because he knows he can’t see at night so that restriction being lifted made no sense. He CAN, however, see during the day but the forty-mile radius of driving was not lifted. When asked about the radius restriction, the lady said we’d have to take it up with the government office seventy-five miles away. How funny!

So what it boils down to is this, if he drives outside the forty-mile radius he is breaking the law. If I want medicinal cannabis to heal from cancer, I have to break the law. The government demands we abide by the law but prevents us from abiding by placing near impossible restrictions so we have to BREAK the law. Makes a lot of sense doesn’t it? 

Back to the miracles. We live in reality so there is no demanding a miracle to happen in your life. God has governed my reality all of my life and has governed man for a millennium. He has rules also; prayer and dedication is just one rule, abide or break the law. You do have a choice!

When I was first diagnosed, I wanted a miracle right then and there to POOF my tumor away and bring me to full health. God asked me to wait and endure and sure enough, with every restriction, with every family get-together, every trip to the grocery store, I am enduring beyond belief. I’m forty pounds lighter and healthier than I’ve been all of my life. My miracle is happening as I write. My Lord is faithful! Maybe I’m the candle you all need to see this Christmas season as you painstakingly endure the wait for your own miracle. I will not be lighting a candle to pray for my own miracle, I will be praying for all of you, He already knows who you are that is in need of one. I already have my miracle! 

All glory and praise to God!

Acts 4:22 “For the man was above forty years old, on whom this miracle of healing was shewed.”

Patience, My Precious

Before the storm

Pss. 47:1  “O clap your hands, all ye people; shout unto God with the voice of triumph.”

Patience, my Precious

We live in a world where we want things and we want them now, our way and it’s the only way, no one is willing to be patient and wait. Oh, they’ll wait for a day or a week or two but that’s it!

We have people who cry out for healing and they want it now, they want a miracle to just poof into existence with no waiting. They don’t want to do anything but sit back, pray and wait for the miracle to enter their lives. Well let me tell you, that is not how it works. 

As anyone can tell you, I am the first person to believe in miracles but even with the conception of a child, you must wait nine months before you see the ‘miracle’ child. Why is childbirth considered a miracle, because not every pregnancy turns into a live birth. Every mother knows the pains that one has to go through before this little miracle comes forth into the world.

So why would any other miracle be any different? What makes you so special that you don’t have to go through pain and suffering? God loves change. He loves it so much he draws us out of our comfort zone and tosses us into a lion’s den, so to speak. He observes, he listens and he hears. I have many non-believer friends who think that is just a cruel God and will not follow or serve anything that doesn’t serve them. People want to be the god of their life. They want to control the good, the bad and the ugly but honestly, I’ve yet to see anyone happy with handling the ugly in life.

Life is hard and people are not willing to have the patience to wait out the storm, they want what they want, when they want it, and they want it now! If my God can’t do that for them, then phooey on my God. If only they could hear how selfish and lonely that sounds.

While I look around and see a nation of give me and wants, I see very few people with the patience of the very people they read and believe in the Bible. Daniel, Ruth, the Hebrews in Egypt, nobody is willing to be THAT patient, believer or not, they want a miracle now!

I am a faithful servant. I’m no different than Job or Moses, Noah or Ruth. Times may have changed, the planet may have changed but God using His servants have not changed one bit. We’re called to endure, we’re asked to be patient, He expects us to be faithful and trust in Him. He wants us to be all He created us to be, His disciplined children.

When I was diagnosed with this disease, it was like I was standing out in left field and instead of catching the ball, it smacked me right in the face! A wake-up call shook me to my knees. Pain, tears, wonder, sorrow, shame the emotions flooded in like the crowd of disgruntled fans as I missed the ball. They were not worried about my face exploding into pieces; the people were too consumed with the loss of the game.

I embrace the diagnosis. While I am not out of the woods yet and still have a long way to go, I choose to be patient and see where it is I’m being led. I am a faithful servant who will cry out to God and ask Him to show me where the path leads. I will patiently wait, in the midst of struggle, the duration of pain, and I will not complain about all I have to endure. I will try and show you how to sail without sails; move forward without a compass, strengthen without food. 

Willpower. Willpower is that force that little David had with him when he went out and fought the giant Goliath. People wonder where this little fella got the strength to fight such a huge beast. Let me tell you, I think I know where he got the strength from, that little thing called faith. Faith in not only one's self but faith in an all-powerful God to be with you and carry you. When you have neither your willpower nor faith, your strength to fight will wane; your patience lost. It is a fact. You have to embrace both.

I am an alien in this world. I am living to die but I am living to obtain an eternal place in the heavens where I am a part of a society where I fit in, belong. 

2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV) “But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.”

Be Not Conformed

Rom. 8:4 “That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.”

Be Not Conformed

Yes, not choosing the mainstream chemo/slice and dice method is my choice and I have to live with this choice while people swim upstream to bask on the sunny beach along the shore. I see my battle from inside my own mind and never really thought about how it looked to other people on the outside looking in.

To some I appear a little bit crazy probably because they’ve never seen anyone take a diagnosis like this and tackle the healing part on their own, it’s just not done! If I were truly alone, I can assure you, I would have never gone in this direction.

Rom. 8:2 “For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.”

To me, the conformists I’ve read about can be Christians but they’ve conformed to the ways of the world. They read the Bible, see all of the amazing miracles, works, jobs, or duties of the men and women written about but for some reason, I guess they think God stopped working miracles when the man physically stopped writing the bible. 

They might believe miracles still happen but ‘to other people’, you know, those rare instances where the media pushes the story, or people are so loud a person hears about it via word of mouth. Yeah, miracles only happen to ‘those people’?

What about infants? I always hear people saying ‘what a miracle’ a baby is but do they really believe that? What concept do you believe that miracles happen to other people and infants are miracles? Look at the whole picture, we were all infants once; we were just a passionate thought of two people and God blessed the joining of two and out came…YOU! Yes, that’s right, you are a living miracle. It is what we conform to that makes us a not so special miracle anymore.

Do you ever think of the Lazarus story? He was a miracle, brought back to life. We’ve read about it, believed it, but what happened ten years down the line? Did he go back to being a ‘man of this world’ or did the miracle of Jesus bringing him back to life change him?

We have to think about these things if we are ever to become devout Christians. Too often I’ve read ‘be not conformed to this world’ yet when I look around all I see are people, conformed to this world, whether they’re Christians or not; conformity thrives and is very much alive.

While no one is perfect and we’re all out here just striving to live, to me be not conformed takes on extreme meaning. Conformity to me is being like everyone else, following the herd, walking the same line, and thinking inside the box. Well let me tell you, I’m not a rebel, I’m a ‘thinking outside the box’ kind of person. When you see a box as square I can show you how it is really round as the globe, with infinite possibilities, whereas you see the box as square because that is what you were taught. You take everything at face value.

Do you see what I’m getting at here? When I look up the word conformity, it gives me this meaning: action in accord with prevailing social standards, attitudes, practices, etc.. Can you see by the definition, that you have been conformed to the world? Even though the very bible you read daily tells you not to be conformed, you conform anyway because that is what everyone else is doing and for some reason, you have a need to fit in with this society. 

Rom. 12:2 “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

As you can imagine, I’ve never fit in. Growing up I was called the rebel, I was always the one who thought about the broader spectrum of life, like of an infinite cosmos or eternal life. To me, these things were real as for others they were just a part of what they conformed to or were taught. Do they actually live and believe? Ask yourself that question when judging my choice in this diagnosis and treatment.

The other night it hit me pretty hard how I might be seen by other people when a friend (thank you Angela) directed me to a movie, Trolls. It was a kiddie movie (cute as all get out nonetheless) but it held a deeper meaning to me and helped me to see how some people might be viewing my incredible route I’m taking. Thank you for seeing outside the box! 

Rom. 8:1 “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.”

Let me share the lyrics of one of the songs in the movie with you, I’ve colored them to fit my story: 

I really hope I can do it

'Cause they're all depending on me

I know that I must leave the only home I've ever known

And brave the dangers of the forest

Saving them before they're eaten

I mean, how hard can that be?

Looking up at a sunny sky, so shiny and blue and there's a butterfly

Well, isn't that a super fantastic sign

It's going to be a super fantastic day

Such marvelousness

It's gonna bring a pocket full of songs that I'm gonna sing

And I'm ready to take on anything

Hooray!

Some super fun surprise around each corner

Just riding on a rainbow, I'm gonna be okay

Hey!

I'm not giving up today

There's nothing getting in my way

And if you knock knock me over

I will get back up again

If something goes a little wrong

Well you can go ahead and bring it on

'Cause if you knock knock me over, I will get back up again

Whoa oh oh oh, get back up again, whoa oh oh oh oh oh

I'm marching along I got confidence

I'm cooler than a pack of peppermints

And I haven't been this excited since

I can't remember when!

I'm off on this remarkable adventure

Just riding on a rainbow

What if it's all a big mistake

What if it's more than I can take

No, I can't think that way 'cause I know that

I'm really really gonna be okay

Hey!

I'm not giving up today

There's nothing getting in my way

And if you knock knock me over

I will get back up again

If something goes a little wrong

Well you can go ahead and bring it on

'Cause if you knock knock me over, I will get back up again

Doubt

1 Tim. 2:8 “I will therefore that men pray every where, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting.”

Doubt

Sometimes I hear doubt and fear in the voices of people’s words. Words like “I hope you know what you’re doing.” or 
“I hope you can beat this.” or 
“I can’t wait to see you pull off this miracle.” 
Doubt is not part of my vocabulary and hasn’t been from day two of my diagnosis. Granted on day one it shattered me, crumbled me like a dry leaf but by day two I had my boxing gloves on and came out fighting!

People that have doubts in the ability to treat and heal something like cancer, Alzheimer’s, chronic illnesses such as psoriasis, eczema, or asthma the list is long, those people are programmed to believe what they were taught when they were young. They are not open to old herbal remedies or new technology, or new studies in cures and don’t do enough current research as to where a person is coming from when they do things holistically.

A doctor doesn’t always know what’s the right thing to heal you. They were trained or should I say programmed with one thing that they were taught. It’s like using a Windows7 in a Windows10 environment, things change! Things are different and if you are not willing to grow with the change, you will be left behind, scratching your head and allow doubt to control your world. In this place, you will allow chronic illness to fester until the root explodes in your face and you have to be taken to the hospital and be placed in the doctors' hands to find out what is wrong.

The doctor will then do a host of tests from MRI’s to bloodwork, he’ll get results and give you drugs. If you pry and ask what is the problem and the root cause of your condition, he will spew out everything in medical terms you barely understand. With that, you believe what he/she is selling, in other words, you have accepted what he’s downloaded into your system. 

When you download a virus into your computer, you do everything possible to remedy the situation to get your system back in tip-top shape. If we took care of our bodies the way we do our computers, with delicate hands on weeding out the root of the problem, we could eliminate, CURE the disease taking over our human bodies. 

I wonder if people think God botched the job of building our internal mechanisms from our DNA to our very complex immune system that keep us going throughout our lifetime. I don’t believe He did. I believe he placed in us the very intricate details we need to CURE our systems after WE have downloaded the virus/illness, disease into our system.

I straight out ask my oncologist (two of them) to work WITH me in helping to heal and CURE me without chemo and drugs. They said (lies) they never heard of such a thing. They live in a Windows7 world! I came away from each visit empowered to find the truth in treatment. I found hundreds if not thousands of people who have HEALED and been CURED of this dastardly disease but an all intelligent doctor, the very person we allow to lord over our illness has never heard of such a thing? From his programming, he certainly knows which pharmaceutical drug to prescribe, doesn’t he?

Over and over in the Holy Bible, I read repeatedly of the herbs and spices that were used thousands of years ago to HEAL and CURE what ailed the sick. Since doctors only offer the science of synthetic drugs, they are not equipped to understand the complexities of the Bible and look to see what God placed here for us to cure and heal ourselves. They don’t take the time to learn the science of the human body being designed to heal itself. There’s no money in that now is there?

In my unscientific approach (since I’m not a scientist) I’ve found that the root cause of ALL illnesses are stress. Your body handles the stress, turns it into a virus/illness. A toxin to me is considered to be the stress you put into your body, knowingly or unknowingly. Toxins can be found in the air you breathe and the food you eat. Your internal organs react to that stress and our very intricate immune systems respond, not unlike the computer you so dearly love. 

If your computer gets a virus, what do you do? Do you buy a new computer? Well, we can’t buy a new body if our body gets a virus. Do we take them to the Geek Squad and have them doctor the machine up? Someone, like myself, would love to have a Geek doctor come in and cure my body, but does he know my body? The Geek Squad doesn’t know your computer habits, what you search for, or what you’ve downloaded to cause the virus but he sure can dig into your system to find out, right?  

In all its uniqueness I will have to say no one knows my body, internally or externally. A doctor doesn’t either and while he thinks he knows because of the diagnostic tests he runs, he doesn’t know the individual body, mind, and soul. He knows the motherboard and that’s it! Doctors and Geeks alike will pacify the problem instead of digging in, finding the root cause, and healing the system from inside.

I am not techno-savvy so I could never heal my computer. I can get a CCleaner and clean it up. I can dig into my system and see what I’ve done wrong, what I clicked that I shouldn’t have, I can remedy the malfunctioning system so it runs smoothly. As with my body, I can dig into the root cause of this disease. I can clean up my system so it runs properly. I should have taken care of it in the first place and never succumbed to this disease, but it is what it is, it’s here and I and God, the Mighty Healer of all, the Doctor who created the system will heal what ails me from the inside.

When people place doubt in their vocabulary, they have loosened their actual faith. I will never lose my faith in God because He is the One who created this body and all its intricacies running throughout my system on a cellular lever, He is the One and Only who holds the healing. Maybe at one time doctors cared about healing the people who were sick, but this day and age, the almighty dollar speaks a more healing tune to them, that’s a fact!

The simple basics of healing:
Relieve stress by eliminating as many toxins (including people and drugs) as you possibly can 
Make the air you breathe work for you not against you
Allow the warmth of the sun to nurture you 
Choose the right non-toxic food (organic fruits and vegetables, clean grass fed meat) 
Drink purified clean water 
Get eight hours of sleep 
Unplug yourself from negativity that you tap into daily
Add JOY to your life, find purpose in your life, and overflow with LOVE.

Gen. 1:29 “And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.”

MTOC ~ Day Four: Mysteries of God

Philippians 3:13-14 (NIV)

One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

I should be dead right now. When I was three-years-old my brother and sister were pushing me on a swing when my cries to stop pushing me higher didn’t get them to stop, they continued until I jumped off the swing and flew toward the wire fence, catching my wrist and slicing it like a thanksgiving day turkey. I have the stitches to prove it. I should be dead but I lived.

You’d think that by doing all the drugs I did as a child LSD, PCP, the enormous amount of marijuana, and not to mention my overdose on alcohol would have killed me, but here I am, alive to tell about it. People like me should be dead but here’s the thing, I think God had a plan. I know many of you don’t believe in God, you don’t believe in something greater than yourself and you know why? Because you’re selfish, you think of you. I didn’t mean that to be judgmental, I meant it as an observance on MY healing.

I was not one consumed with myself, I put others before me. Sure I was a bad kid but I always thought of the other people before I thought of healing myself. I turned to God because I had heard he was a great healer and after the loss of my firstborn child (at sixteen) to stillbirth, The Holy Spirit consumed me and helped me during my grief and stayed with me to this day.

When you care for other people, which means you love, you can’t have love in you without God being in you because God IS love. Some people see it that way while others just see love as an emotion. Many religions and spiritual faiths revolve around love. Love is the center and the God of their faith, period.

As dysfunctional as my upbringing was, I never knew what Meth was or heroine, and I NEVER stuck a needle in my arm; in some form, that was my saving grace. At twenty-one years old as I started down the path of change, I watched many ‘friends’ die by making the wrong choice in life. Whether it was by an overdose, a shooting, jail, or trying to reform, death was surrounding me but yet I was alive and breaking free. I didn’t see it as scientific, I know it wasn’t ‘luck’, I never believed in coincidence, the one thing that was left was GOD. God saved me and HE guided me. 

My twenty-year marriage wasn’t ALL that bad as I seem to paint it, we had some pretty good years and the birth of a living son. It was toward the end when we started growing apart instead of growing together. I saw a future in writing. I was witnessing my growth and seeing the impact that God was having on my life. I saw my growth and healing and my ex didn’t want to grow and change for the better, he just wanted to control and obsess. 

So I wound up in Texas after giving up all of my earthly possessions. My husband gave me two weeks to get out of ‘his’ house. I took my son and saw a brighter future for him than the Baltimore streets would have ever allowed.

I had met a stranger online and for ten months we got to know one another on a spiritual level. He wasn’t a George Clooney prince coming to save me, he was more of a John Cusack silent knight in shining armor coming to my emotional rescue. My husband knew he had lost the battle to control me so he let me go and feigned defeat. 

The night before I left, Steven and I went to my sister’s for dinner and to say our goodbyes to the kids. No one showed up except my mother. My sister and I left on bitter terms because I had sat a rock on her precious oak table. I told her my Rock was the reason I had the strength to follow on a path that will lead me away. To this day, I still have the rock, the physical one AND the Spiritual Rock! 

Alone in Texas, I had to redefine myself; learn to love this stranger on what was now a physical level. It didn’t happen immediately and we had to grow to be better people and as a team WE chose God and the church (or did God choose us?) My son, Steven and I all grew together to become one family, united. Again, it was not luck, not science, no coincidence involved, it was something greater and more spiritual that drove us. 

Six growing years in Texas for me when we found a fork in the road called blindness. We had to move to Nebraska and surround ourselves with his family who could empower us to get through a very troubled time. His family is one that had God in their lives instilled early on by grandparents. The light of their ancestry shone round about us as we embarked on this journey. On April 26th, my deceased daughter Astri’s birthday, we sailed (or I drove) off to the safe haven of the Midwest.

Strength washed over us, the Church was our anchor and his family was the boat that drifted us into a safe harbor. Miraculously his sight was restored two and a half years later, prayers were answered and as we anchored ourselves to the shore, six years after we arrived in Nebraska we were united in marriage surrounded by my son and his mother. 

The mysteries of God is there for everyone to behold but again we live in a world where everyone but a few are consumed with themselves; what they can get out of the world, what the world owes them and who is to blame for nothing happening the way they planned. The Mysteries of God are unraveling before me, and the only way for me to relay the story is to fulfill my purpose and my dream and that is to WRITE. 

God Bless you ALL!

Ecc. 3:1 “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:” 

The Miracle Pumpkin Story

Acts 4: 22 “For the man was above forty years old, on whom this miracle of healing was shewed.”

I’ve noticed that still sitting around my house, I have two pumpkins still healthy looking from last October. We just got rid of two last week and as my readers know, we had quite a display of our homegrown pumpkins around the house. There HAS to be a story in there somewhere, I thought. So now I give you, The Pumpkin story.

It was October 2011. Steven had gotten his cornea transplant in Omaha, where we stayed a couple of days. The first thing he saw that day the bandages were taken off was my beautiful face. He looked around the office, at the Doc who had been caring for him for months while he was blind, and I just sat there with tears in my eyes (and a few already wet Kleenex, if you must know.) We went back to the hotel and as you can imagine, people who saw us leave, Steven holding my arm, were quite puzzled when they seen him walk back in, not needing assistance, and no cane in hand!

We made a couple of trips out to the front of the hotel so he could look at the sky, the flowers, the cars and people. He was like a kid in the candy store trying to pick out just one thing to look at but as you can imagine, being totally blind for three years (wondering if you’d ever see again) there was a lot to look at and behold.

The next morning we left for home three and a half hours away. Steven just stared out the window with his heavily tinted glasses. On occasion he took them off for a better view. It was such a joy to bring him home to SEE the house he had lived in for almost three years, without ever SEEING the place.

Finally the moment came when we pulled up to the house. Right by the front steps were two pumpkins left by his mother who had taken care of our dog while we were away. His mom and sis live pretty close by, so they enjoyed helping in that way. I called them our miracle pumpkins because they were received during our time of a miracle happening in our life. We entered the house and there was balloons welcoming us home and a note from Sassie, our dog, saying she missed us.

It was a little overwhelming as Steven was now a sighted person again, and I was busy not being so busy. It wasn’t long before he began cleaning up things and making this home, his home. He was finally touching and feeling AND seeing everything for the first time in three years!

Months had passed by but one occasion as we arrived home from Church, we noticed the pumpkins getting soft and leaning to the side. It was quite a few months sitting in the cold brisk Nebraska air and it seemed like forever, but those pumpkins endured and looked as if they were never going to die!

We told Adam (my son) to scoop up the soggy miracle pumpkins and throw them in our garden, where they lay for months on end until spring, with a splash of miracle, took hold of them. That is when we noticed our miracle pumpkins had taken root and decided to flourish.

We separated all the plants into tidy rows, and as the summer months came and went, we had an abundant assortment of different sized pumpkins. Now keep in mind, we’ve never grown pumpkins in our life, but my newly sighted man took it as his project to see these pumpkins become something wondrous rooted in a miracle. He tended them daily and nurtured them to fully grown pumpkins.

Our miracle pumpkins had multiplied. At this time we were also experiencing a bountiful amount of blessings in our life. Steven had gotten his license back, a job, and all was going right in the world AND my garden.

Then came time to harvest the miracle pumpkins, one here and one there. We sat a few on our steps but knew the cold would sweep them away and a few, it did. But many were salvaged and saved and brought into the house in October 2012!

And here we are April 25, 2013 and I have two remaining very much-alive pumpkins! How’s THAT for miracle pumpkins?

Jer. 33: 6 “Behold, I will bring it health and cure, and I will cure them, and will reveal unto them the abundance of peace and truth.”

What? No Change?

When you are through changing, you are through. 

~Bruce Barton
***

Well the week of change is coming to an end as we near Friday. I’m sorry again for boring you but really, writing is all about change so in actuality, I AM writing about, writing. :)

You know, as with anything, everything takes time. In it’s own season and for a reason. When one decides to BE a writer, there are things that you go through and years of persistently grinding the stone to the curb, and in the end, you’ll feel as if you’ve accomplished something. Then there comes a season where you wake up and smell the coffee and realize things aren’t working out as planned, so you begin making other plans.

My entire life has been about change, but until recently, one thing that has never changed, has been my love of writing. Only recently have I begun to think this is the season to change plans, take a turn down the road, hop off this moving train, give back the oars ‘cause I ain’ta paddling! Thank you September incidence's, you marred and scarred me for life.

So what exactly ARE my plans? I may be heading into the mentoring field at WVU, since I am dedicated to Mr. Hembree and the Institution of higher learning.  I’ll continue to embark on educating others in the writing field as a side job in my ever changing world as I grow and learn myself. Then it will be off for a world of change for me.

What is with all this change going on? Well let me tell you, you don’t have a miracle plop smack dab in your lap, molded and shaped by the hands of God Himself, and go back returning to your old ways. No way, no how! Normal takes on new and supernatural shape and form. Never considering myself normal in the first place, life was slugging along at a snails pace, and we were just patiently waiting for change to whack us upside the head.

I don’t really think anyone can understand or grasp the depth of what happened to us. Trying to put it into words has been quite a challenge in and of itself. Plain and simple, he was blind, and now, he sees! On a more complicated level? Everything shifted! The earth moved, literally! Look at the recent earthquakes in the Va./Md area and in Oklahoma too. We’re not the only ones who FELT the shift, apparently the Earth took notice too.

And what is so sad, is that as this shift happens, everyone goes on as if nothing has moved in the transformation. Maybe this was just meant for us? Are we the only ones who’ve experienced the altered state? Am I talking to myself here?

The windowed world holds nothing for me now. Once I’ve been given the chance to see things from a new perspective everything transitioned into a new and improved life altering phase of light. You look different, he looks different, life in general has taken on the variance of shapes and colors that are all meshing in my brain and while people say, “How are you?” I can only answer with “Fine.” because in all honesty, I don’t really know myself.

Things change, people change and nothing is ever the same again. We muddle through, do what we do, and wake up every day doing the same-old-same-old, mundane routine. For me? I’m alive...in an altered state. Grasp THAT!

Prologue to the Journey Part III

 I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
***

We were basically forced to move to Nebraska, Stevens hometown, in April of 2009, after for me, six years in Texas with him.  I say forced because the cost of living is much higher in Texas, and we had read online that medicaid was available to the blind.
 

Never trust what you read on the internet because medicaid was only available as long as he collected SSI, not SS. Don’t ask about the terminology. That is not the story here. The story is that the Lord saw to it we had a place to come to, at an affordable rate. His family all pulled together, cleaned this place up, scrubbed, and washed nooks and crannies, prayed and asked for prayer and our Maker never let us down.
 

We arrived to a clean house on a Turkey Ranch, out in the middle of nowhere, basically. We had food in the pantry and an envelope of money from the Gibbon Baptist Church’s donation for our family in need.
 

First on our list was to find a good church and after three attempts at different Churches, we walked in the doors of EFree Evangelical church and had to look no more. We had found a home.
 

Stevens sight deteriorated from the first step into the house. It was as if God waited for us to get here, and then the sight disappeared. We had support from the Federation of the Blind. They wanted him to go to Lincoln to learn to BE blind, and we both were adamant in stating that this was only temporary. And they quickly bowed out seeing we were, uncooperative (their term), But not after introducing him to the JAWS Screen Reader.
 

Quickly he found a free screen reader that was easier for him to use than JAWS and since he was extremely familiar with the computer and all the ALT keys, he had no problem enjoying the computer, via audio book reviews, and life as a blind man blogs.
 

Life for the next two and a half years was an up and down roller-coaster ride in the center of a raging thunderstorm. Pieces fell to the floor, parts were swept away, hair disheveled but upon landing in March 2011, we began to see things take shape and that everything wasn’t as messy as we thought.
 

Medicare came through, medicaid came through, the doctors visit was promising and hopeful from the very first visit, and things just kept going as an assembly line of chocolates, each day we found a sweet surprise and hope awaiting us.
 

We were going to need $3000 dollars, gas for the trip to Omaha, food and shelter, but by the time the surgery was scheduled, EVERYTHING was paid for! The hospital, the doctor, the food, gas AND the shelter! That alone made me stand up and say, “What an amazing God!”
 

Now for the more amazing part. We went to church on Sunday before the scheduled trip to Omaha. We wanted a powerful send off in  prayer and we got it. The trip was wrought with rain and wind and I thought that the day was an entire bust. But we got to the the hotel without a problem, Monday he got the corna transplant operation, Tuesday by some strange powerful force, we found ourselves at the doctors (after getting lost for an hour and almost giving up) but the moment we all waited for had finally arrived.
 

“I can see.” As  a river of tears flowed, and emotions soared, we were on our way back to the hotel and a couple of days of discovery and exploration are truly in store.
 

Tuesday, Steven saw the house that he has lived in for two years, for the very first time.
I have experienced a miracle first hand and our lives will be forever changed.  All praise be to God!

As we head back to Omaha today because of a problem we go with God, the love of many and the POWER of prayer!!!
 

Matt. 7:7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

Prologue to the Journey ~ Part II

Pss. 33:20 Our soul waiteth for the LORD: he is our help and our shield.
***

The wait did not roll like waves on a shore. The wait was like pulling gum off the bottom of a shoe. Many ask where we got our strength from and I can speak for myself, it came from God himself.
 
Every morning I’d wake and praise God, and I was always told to wait, patiently. That is the part a lot of folks have trouble with because we live in a world that is consumed with having everything they want when they want it. Patience has been tossed in the winds of Autumn when it comes to waiting. Me, I just prayed, listened and humbled myself to whatever the Lord placed in my lap each day.
 
I sit in the eerie position of the observer. Watching people go on in life as if nothing is happening and sitting here in my world knowing everything has happened. I feel like Moses must have felt when he came down the mountain after witnessing the burning bush. We see images of a television show that Moses’ mouth hung open and his hair had grayed over and his face held a new light.
 
This is exactly how I feel. As if I’ve seen God’s face, yet I’m still left here on earth to watch the people return to their misguided ways, without ever realizing God is standing right beside them every single step of their day. Every thought you think, He knows it. Can I ask? Are you proud of what your thoughts are?
 
The miracle of sight. You might say, “But it was the doctor,” or “It was technology,” but I am here to tell you after living through the two years of having Steven not seeing and waiting patiently on the Lord, as a living testament before me, it was not the doctor, or technology, it was the hand of God guiding every person, every prayer, every thought, to the outcome of a miracle.
 
Two years ago we ‘tried’ to get this operation, but because it was not God’s timing, it was not successful around any turn we made. I watched as people became disappointed in the prayers not being answered, saddened, impatient, almost to the point of giving up.
 
I had to be strong. My faith is everything to me, and from experience, I know that waiting is never easy and sometimes we feel like God has forgotten us and our prayers but it is in those times that he is with us the most. He’s hugging your patience, cradling your perseverance, rejoicing in your faith. And in those moments, God is preparing for you a miracle that will solidify your love for Him.
 
To you I say... Praise the Lord...for it is time.

Ps. 37:7 Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.
[9] For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth.
[34] Wait on the LORD, and keep his way, and he shall exalt thee to inherit the land: when the wicked are cut off, thou shalt see it.

The Prologue to the Journey ~ Part I

 Ps. 25:3 Yea, let none that wait on thee be ashamed: let them be ashamed which transgress without cause.
***

It all began in the early months of 2008 when I received a call, “Can you drive me to work.” A straight-line wind storm had barreled through north Texas the night before, toppling trees, ripping off rooftop's and making the normal route to work impossible.

Steven had been driving the same route every day but when the route changed, due to the storm he realized, he couldn’t see well enough to get to work by reading the signs. That was the day my world shifted from every day mundane, to you never know what to expect.

Then on September 3 rd, 2008 my life took a big tumble when Steven lost his job, all insurance and any of the benefits that went along with the company. You never realize how important a job is until you walk in and one day, the boss tells you your fired.

Was it because of his sight? Was it because his production had changed due to his sight? I guess we’ll never know and I’m done questioning, “What happened?” All I do know is our world took a topple down the dryer chute, and we got tossed around at the welfare office, the food pantry, and many different and unaccustomed places of necessity.

We were not above asking for help, pride was not our friend and people were not selfish in helping. Actually the response was amazing and could only be attributed by the Supernatural God that we serve. Around every corner as bad news came in, we were one step closer to good news coming in. Days, led into weeks, weeks, months, and not a day went by that a struggle wasn’t like a peeling away of layers of skin, only to find that God was our natural ointment against dryness. 

As the issue of seeing again seemed forced upon our first attempts, as I expected, nothing went right. From the trip into Omaha on a gusty 45 mph windy day, to the doctor giving us a 50/50 prognosis of seeing again, all the way to the trip back to Minden where we met with disappointed faces, and it only served to bring us down more. We sought good news, good everything and the prayer was there but what was missing?

I’ll tell you bluntly. As everyone wanted sight to return, pushed for a positive outcome, prayed for a miracle, I saw around me people taking God out of the equation and putting their wants before His.

God isn’t about praying for what YOU want, He is about humbling yourself to the point of dropping on your knees and begging for mercy all the while praising and rejoicing in, what you might deem, minor steps towards His final goal.

It is never about you, or me it is all about God. Thinking otherwise makes you narrow-minded in your pursuit. When you truly give it all to God, and that means stripping yourself of your wants and needs and sincerely giving it all to God, then and only then will you witness the miracle of the Lord and His blessings!

The wait is over and the new day has literally dawned.

Pss 27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

The Miracle Dog

John 6: 2 And a great multitude followed him, because they saw his miracles which he did on them that were diseased.
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Do you believe in miracles? You’ll probably say, “Yeah sure.” But maybe with some apprehension you’ll try hard to remember seeing the last one or you might wonder what really was a miracle or just pure luck.

Let me tell you, there is no such thing as luck, they are all miracles and blessings, whether you like to believe it or not, the Holiest of Holies, rains a blessing on you, he doesn’t shower you with luck and money; blessings and miracles are so much more explosive than sheer luck.

Remember I told you my dog Sassy was hit by a truck last Tuesday? She walked around pacing and yelping in pain. Not a constant yelp, it was only when she went to open her mouth. Money hindered all possibilities of getting her to a vet, so prayer was our only source. A lot of you might say, “That’s foolish.” Well, not in my shoes. When you’ve been in my shoes, then you can judge for yourself.

For now all I live on is prayer. Seems to be working. Saturday evening the snow started to fall. Not just an inch or two, by Sunday morning there was easily six inches of the white stuff, enough to hinder us from going to church. Then throughout the day, six or seven more fell stopping all activity on the roads, causing hazardous conditions throughout the state, school closings and the like. Cancellations of all kinds were being posted on TV.

Early Monday I HAD to get out and shovel some kind of path for Sassy, so she could get out there and do her business. She was yelping minimally but she also had confined herself into the back room of the house where it is very cold. I read somewhere that the cold eased pain for dogs, and she instinctively knew this because this is where she lay, curled in a ball for days on end, never coming into the warmer portions of the house.

We all kicked into mothering Sassy. Beau, Adam and I all took to hand feeding her, making soft foods that we knew she liked and took with apprehension but still she ate and drank water on occasion. A tough week to say the least, then the snow to top it all off, what an amazing fete that lay before us.

On Tuesday, yesterday, something strange took place. As I sit here tapping on the keys, movement out of the corner of my eye. Sassy peeking around the corner at me. She was looking for food. I rose to make her two hot dogs which she devoured. Then I found her laying in the bathroom all snug as a bug on a rug. I moved her to the hallway on a towel, and later she came into the living room, with coaxing and hasn’t returned to the cold cave since.

She’s feeling better! A  living miracle! Still healing but definitely on the road to recovery. A neighbor came with a plow truck last night, unburied our truck and made a path for us and our neighbors behind us. Sassy almost barked full throttle, but a little *woof* was let out and I sighed in relief. My dog was now in the throes of a miracle. Something money can never buy. A miracle is prayers answered!

Praise be to God, and no other!

Master Plan

Job: 14:9 Yet through the scent of water it will bud, and bring forth boughs like a plant.
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Have you ever prayed and the prayer not been answered immediately when you wanted it to be answered. Did you ever wonder why? Here lately things have been happening, all part of a Master Plan.

First of all, beau lost his job in Sept. of 2008, we prayed and prayed. Beau went blind about eight months later. More prayer. I could feel the tides moving, shifting, swaying. I could feel the power of prayer working and the good Lord swirling his answer to our prayer into our lives. No one else could feel it as I watched doubt sweep many. I sat, patiently waiting as I know a Master Plan takes time, sometimes years to get it all into the whirlpool to spew out results.

There were many changes that had to take place, inside and outside. There was construction of a new person, there was re-shaping of minds, there was miracles being displayed. But I’m telling you, if you’re not a believer, to you it all looked like a case of bad luck.

I don’t believe in luck or coincidence, so I prayed, rejoiced, praised and felt the earth moving in a direction that swayed my inner soul. I watched as impatience sweltered, looked sorrowfully as some strayed from their faith, sat in awe of the wondrous work of a living rainbow take shape. I never lost my faith once because I know the secret of the Master Plan. It’s no secret really if you know the Lord. Master Plans take TIME!

You see, when you pray, God already knows the answer to the prayer but he really wants to get the full throttle of effectiveness out of the prayer. He wants to not only answer your prayer, He wants to change as many people as He can along the way. He wants to lay a hand on everyone possible so they see the beauty of prayer and the wonderful Glory of, a Master Plan!

As beau, Adam and I had to move, figure out where to go and what to do, jumped over hurdles, figure out a few techniques and made the enormous leap of our lives, that is the leap into Gods arms, knowing He’d carry us, we’re now still reaping the benefits of the Master Plan!

I look down the gravel path and see many faces, lives altered by everything that we’ve gone through. All of our actions and reactions are all a part of the Master Plan. Is it just us three who are being transformed? No way. Many peoples lives are being touched. If you are reading this, you my friend are not exempt, you too are a part of the plan! Feel it, embrace it, know it is bigger than you and I!

It’s not about ME, me, me, or you, or my beau. We’re just instruments; a part of an orchestra that plays in Heaven and the music is divine to my ears and the Master’s. His plan, His time, His Glory!