Showing posts with label define. Show all posts
Showing posts with label define. Show all posts

Monday, March 19, 2018

Thorn in the Flesh

2 Cor. 12:7 “And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.”


I come to you today friends with a thorn in my flesh. As much as I grumble and gripe I am humbled as I am being used by God. I often think of this journey I’m on and how hard the walk has been but I also think of Paul and how he must’ve felt. I know there are many people in the Bible, real human beings who felt the Lord had forgotten them, only to find that through the scorching flames of seeming hellfire, they were actually being used by God to deliver a message. 

I rise in the morning and settle down to read my morning devotion with a warm cup of coffee in my hand. I gaze out the window into the darkness and the light is yet to shine. I patiently wait, read and glean a message to write to you. Not every day do I write, some days I just sit in thought and relish my alone time with God.

When I look out into the world the hustle and bustle sometimes frightens me as everyone is scurrying around doing their own things. They have lives to busy themselves with and often the Lord is a passing thought, if ever a thought at all.

Deut. 32:5 “They have corrupted themselves, their spot is not the spot of his children: they are a perverse and crooked generation.”

I often think of how many generations have been lost to the crookedness of their path. Has any ever been in the clutch of God awakened? Are the people far and few between these days who take their role in this world serious?

We have become a world puffed up in vanity and conceit and find that serving a god, any god Higher or lower to be a chore of service that sometimes takes up too much of our time. In my affliction, my disease, I have nothing BUT time for Him because, to be honest, His world is such a pleasure to get lost in, as for this world, there is nothing but distress and disgust.

I find that here lately, there is an evil that tosses me about the shores of my walk. Every word I say is met with, ‘you’re wrong!’ or ‘you don’t know what you’re talking about!’ and with that puffiness, the waves wash away my footprints in the sand. But lo, I continue to walk.

As God is directing me in my steps, there are those that wish to push me in the water. They wish to see me disappear but I cannot go yet, my words are still required. And whether you want to read them, need to read them or enjoy reading them, please know, my path of pain is as much for you as it is for me.

I can’t give you all the answers you seek as no one is here handing me the easy answer either. But I do set for you a goal, a path that is possibly achieved if only you pull the veil from your head and let the mask of conceit be drowned. 

There is much work to be done. Change is not only desired but it is much needed during these times. There is no time to be lazy and blinded by your own ambitions.

2 Cor. 4:17 “For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.”

I see some out there laughing and scoffing, waving their pointed finger at me but I also see some out there scratching their heads and saying ‘I think she’s onto something’ and they grab hold and hope the airbags work in case a disaster should befall them. Not many are ready for the ride of their life.

I know I am not the only one being dipped in the flaming fire. But I am the rare one without a veil who is trying to show you how to weather these torrential storms. They might seem disastrous, noisy, downright uncomfortable, but rest assure, there IS hope on the other side.

Just because I don’t have the same search as you, just because you are wrapped up in your own conceit and think only YOU are right about everything, I’m here to tell you that you are amazingly wrong. Yes, I say that as my finger is poking you in the chest and pushing you back to your sitting down position! 

As you flop in the chair, listen up, LIFE IS NOT ABOUT YOU! Know that there is a force running alongside you building pedestals for you to stand on. Know that there is another force ready to knock you off that pedestal and plant you back into reality, whenever you’re ready.

As my spiritual nature has always known about the positive/negative energy having the ability to either drain you or lift you up, science finally agrees with me. I found another site that was on my newsfeed wall on Facebook. Be forewarned it has Native American belief system there. A people I greatly admire and respect, I might add.

Looking through the link above I may be labeled as a White Witch. Ironically, the writing group I frequent, the animal persona I chose was that of a White Wolf! Hmm… interesting.

For all of you saying, oh my goodness I can’t believe she said that she is a white witch. Maybe you need a lesson on what a witch is, a person with their Wits about them. Like marijuana, there is a stigma surrounding both. Yes, I’m off my rocker, cuckoo, crazy, insane and any other label you wish to stamp me with. And just so you know, I NEVER give myself a label. If I were to label myself, I’d say Spirit-filled, all the way!

From the link, all are true of me except for number nine, partially.

9 "They are ardent believers of the idea that just because we can’t see something with our own eyes doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. This makes them believers in the power of magic."

I draw the line with number nine. I don’t believe for one moment in the power of magic! I believe in the strength of an all-powerful God, Father of Jesus, His Son! If the label of White Witch offends, so must the God of Heaven who parts a sea, or unleashes plagues, or watches His Son die for the unmoved man. 

Our world is defined by labels that people place around so they can read people to make themselves feel good about themselves. They say they are not judgmental but use words, even if they are floating in their subconscious mind, words like fat, ugly, snob, witch, bitch, rude crude, you name it, it feels better to you if you give it a label. Have you ever wondered about the labels given to Jesus

As we wind down our days to the Resurrection Sunday. Think! Think of all the words Jesus said while hanging on the cross. Hold close to your heart the very reason you believe or don’t believe. Try your hardest to release the stigmas you drown in, this is a new era, a new day is dawning. Think! As the thorn in my flesh is painfully evident for all to see, the Crown of Thorns worn on Jesus’ head holds more significance. He came, He walked, He lived, He died. Now, pray.

All praise and Glory to Him who holds my spirit cupped in His hands! 

Never stigmatize the world we live. Keep your mind open!


Rom. 15:13 “Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.”

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Defining Moments

Job 30:18 “By the great force of my disease is my garment changed: it bindeth me about as the collar of my coat.”

Defining Moments

I will not allow an illness to define me. I will not allow the world to shape me and I can’t let people define the most intimate moments of my life. I’ve been taking a sort of break this week allowing my thoughts to be moved forward in a rush to the raging waterfall where they can be forced over the edge and led out to sea.

It seems the rabid heat wave of July has come to an end. This is where I mention once again that Nebraska has had an extremely mild summer give or take a couple of weeks in the lower nineties and a week in the upper nineties, with sporadic rain and nary a storm. Cool air crept in like the baby raccoons invading the property just moseying around to see what they can get into. The welcome cooler temps filled the night air and we rarely got above seventy in the evenings then the beautiful seventies temperatures arrived in our daytime hours beginning August first.




My defining summer moments have been shaped by a garden I didn’t plant but turned out beautiful anyway, new chores that have fallen on my lap because my son who used to do them got a full-time job, and then there’s the full-time employment that my son anxiously needed and received.  

I think 2017 will be a host of defining moments for me and the year isn’t even close to being over. Changes that are taking place, lifestyles uprooted, routines broken like the once fragile eggs that they were. Life is all about changes; I think it’s a matter of how you handle each set of circumstances tossed at you. You either catch the water balloon or allow it to shatter, splashing water all over your face.

Relieving stress and toxins has been one of the hardest of my defining moments year. Giving up sugar, processed food, meat, dairy was easy compared to the stress that haunts the days. While prayer and meditation work amazing wonders, wandering in to read my mail or visit facebook drown all of my meditative work. 

I think I failed big time as a parent and without going into detail because my son is very private, I’ll try and leave it at that. My son suffers from anxiety and depression and I’m the one holding the bag to his outlet of emotional outbursts. Then there is me, realizing my failure, and the need to let him go and shape his own future. It is stress I need to be gone if ever I am to heal from this dastardly disease.

A ray of hope shined momentarily when my neighbor moved from the trailer he lived in for six years. I got a little over excited thinking my son could rent the place. Boy, visions of a peace-filled transition washed over me but were slowly diminished by further inspection of the place. The place needs a lot of work and my landlord hasn’t gotten back to me on whether he is willing to do the much-needed maintenance of the place. By law, I believe he has to take care of them, but out here in the middle of nowhere, there is no law. I’m not willing to risk losing our very affordable housing (a house not a trailer) to push for mandatory maintenance so my son can get out of the house.

So, I continue in a toxic environment trying to heal what has been a life-altering diagnosis and has become a most notable defining moment in my life thus far. I never thought of my husband and son as the toxins that need to be remedied in my life but here I am the medium between two toxic people and trying to heal a toxic illness. 

I sit here and watch my husbands’ family move through life. They’re the good Christian family and all that entails in your mind when you think of when you think of a good Christian family. You know, the Leave It To Beaver June Cleaver kind of people? Yeah, when his mom sees my husband she hugs him like she hasn’t seen him for years and you can see all the love pass between the two. My sister-in-law has two kids that blend so well with her husbands’ two kids you’d think they were blood, but no, they’re more than blood siblings, they’re family!

It’s amazing to watch as an outsider city-gal. Sure I married into this great family but I’m out in the middle of nowhere as the Cleaver family moves on in a time-lapse fashion, and I sit here as the observer of two toxic people trying to live under the same roof. It’s an unneeded stress at a time I need no stress to add to my inflammatory body.

I have unmedicated pains many of my days. Not from this illness, from my arthritis and psoriasis. Trying to put bandages on a lifelong illness like psoriasis is not going as I had planned, and my arthritis flare ups keep me in check, wanting to do certain things but unable to just jump into gear. This is an interesting journey, to say the least. I still trudge through the pain, take breaks when needed and am still overwhelmed by simple things like visiting a social media site to visit with my Spiritual Family. Lord knows I've been dealt a raw deal with no REAL family to call my own. I think that's why He placed me here.

On the twenty-fifth of this month, it will have been eight months since I received the diagnosis of this life altering disease. Eight months of no processed food, no sugar, carbs, grains, etc. etc. and I long for the day I can just eat a piece of pizza without worrying that THAT will be my demise. Joni passed due to a slice of pizza! Hey, if I can’t have a sense of humor through all of this, shoot me now! 

My Lord has wrapped His blanketed touch around me for my protection and as the year of defining moment’s speed on, I’m cradled by His love! So if you don’t see me or my name for a couple of days at a time, know that I’m out here struggling to get through the day and always keep me in your prayer. I feel as if it were not for your continued prayers, I might as well pick out my urn now. 

1 Cor. 15:51 “Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed”



Sunday, January 17, 2016

Poetry Sunday ~ Stardust Sand

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Job 38:7 “When the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy?”

Stardust Sand

Friends often come and go
Acquaintances pass you by
Souls that meet on stardust sand
Will give you wings to fly.

Land is stiff yet supple
Footprints dot the path
Darting here and over there
Meeting raindrops wrath

God extends his hand to you
And pats you on your way
He never lets your fall 
Define who you are today

A friend is one you turn to
When soaring through the sky
You're souls that met on stardust sand
God gives you wings to fly.