Thorn in the Flesh

2 Cor. 12:7 “And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.”

Thorn in the Flesh

I come to you today friends with a thorn in my flesh. As much as I grumble and gripe I am humbled as I am being used by God. I often think of this journey I’m on and how hard the walk has been but I also think of Paul and how he must’ve felt. I know there are many people in the Bible, real human beings who felt the Lord had forgotten them, only to find that through the scorching flames of seeming hellfire, they were actually being used by God to deliver a message. 

I rise in the morning and settle down to read my morning devotion with a warm cup of coffee in my hand. I gaze out the window into the darkness and the light is yet to shine. I patiently wait, read and glean a message to write to you. Not every day do I write, some days I just sit in thought and relish my alone time with God.

When I look out into the world the hustle and bustle sometimes frightens me as everyone is scurrying around doing their own things. They have lives to busy themselves with and often the Lord is a passing thought, if ever a thought at all.

Deut. 32:5 “They have corrupted themselves, their spot is not the spot of his children: they are a perverse and crooked generation.”

I often think of how many generations have been lost to the crookedness of their path. Has any ever been in the clutch of God awakened? Are the people far and few between these days who take their role in this world serious?

We have become a world puffed up in vanity and conceit and find that serving a god, any god Higher or lower to be a chore of service that sometimes takes up too much of our time. In my affliction, my disease, I have nothing BUT time for Him because, to be honest, His world is such a pleasure to get lost in, as for this world, there is nothing but distress and disgust.

I find that here lately, there is an evil that tosses me about the shores of my walk. Every word I say is met with, ‘you’re wrong!’ or ‘you don’t know what you’re talking about!’ and with that puffiness, the waves wash away my footprints in the sand. But lo, I continue to walk.

As God is directing me in my steps, there are those that wish to push me in the water. They wish to see me disappear but I cannot go yet, my words are still required. And whether you want to read them, need to read them or enjoy reading them, please know, my path of pain is as much for you as it is for me.

I can’t give you all the answers you seek as no one is here handing me the easy answer either. But I do set for you a goal, a path that is possibly achieved if only you pull the veil from your head and let the mask of conceit be drowned. 

There is much work to be done. Change is not only desired but it is much needed during these times. There is no time to be lazy and blinded by your own ambitions.

2 Cor. 4:17 “For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.”

I see some out there laughing and scoffing, waving their pointed finger at me but I also see some out there scratching their heads and saying ‘I think she’s onto something’ and they grab hold and hope the airbags work in case a disaster should befall them. Not many are ready for the ride of their life.

I know I am not the only one being dipped in the flaming fire. But I am the rare one without a veil who is trying to show you how to weather these torrential storms. They might seem disastrous, noisy, downright uncomfortable, but rest assure, there IS hope on the other side.

Just because I don’t have the same search as you, just because you are wrapped up in your own conceit and think only YOU are right about everything, I’m here to tell you that you are amazingly wrong. Yes, I say that as my finger is poking you in the chest and pushing you back to your sitting down position! 

As you flop in the chair, listen up, LIFE IS NOT ABOUT YOU! Know that there is a force running alongside you building pedestals for you to stand on. Know that there is another force ready to knock you off that pedestal and plant you back into reality, whenever you’re ready.

As my spiritual nature has always known about the positive/negative energy having the ability to either drain you or lift you up, science finally agrees with me. I found another site that was on my newsfeed wall on Facebook. Be forewarned it has Native American belief system there. A people I greatly admire and respect, I might add.

Looking through the link above I may be labeled as a White Witch. Ironically, the writing group I frequent, the animal persona I chose was that of a White Wolf! Hmm… interesting.

For all of you saying, oh my goodness I can’t believe she said that she is a white witch. Maybe you need a lesson on what a witch is, a person with their Wits about them. Like marijuana, there is a stigma surrounding both. Yes, I’m off my rocker, cuckoo, crazy, insane and any other label you wish to stamp me with. And just so you know, I NEVER give myself a label. If I were to label myself, I’d say Spirit-filled, all the way!

From the link, all are true of me except for number nine, partially.

9 "They are ardent believers of the idea that just because we can’t see something with our own eyes doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. This makes them believers in the power of magic."

I draw the line with number nine. I don’t believe for one moment in the power of magic! I believe in the strength of an all-powerful God, Father of Jesus, His Son! If the label of White Witch offends, so must the God of Heaven who parts a sea, or unleashes plagues, or watches His Son die for the unmoved man. 

Our world is defined by labels that people place around so they can read people to make themselves feel good about themselves. They say they are not judgmental but use words, even if they are floating in their subconscious mind, words like fat, ugly, snob, witch, bitch, rude crude, you name it, it feels better to you if you give it a label. Have you ever wondered about the labels given to Jesus? 

As we wind down our days to the Resurrection Sunday. Think! Think of all the words Jesus said while hanging on the cross. Hold close to your heart the very reason you believe or don’t believe. Try your hardest to release the stigmas you drown in, this is a new era, a new day is dawning. Think! As the thorn in my flesh is painfully evident for all to see, the Crown of Thorns worn on Jesus’ head holds more significance. He came, He walked, He lived, He died. Now, pray.

All praise and Glory to Him who holds my spirit cupped in His hands! 

Never stigmatize the world we live. Keep your mind open!

Dolphins at work. 

Rom. 15:13 “Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.”

Poetry Sunday ~ The Soul's Ascent

Pss. 11: 1 "In the LORD put I my trust: How say ye to my soul, Flee as a bird to your mountain?"

The Soul's Ascent

I peered up at the towering mount 

That glistened from the snow

Would I reach that velvet cap 

That no one dared to go 

The very tip seems to drift

In a string of pearly lace 

No end in sight for it was hidden

Upon this rocky face 

Burgeoning trees whispered still 

They called within the deep 

Nature would carry my weary legs 

If for my soul to keep 

Every aching step I took

Impelled in me to climb 

A voice was beckoning in my head 

Transcending the sublime 

I walked on faded fury 

As the summit reared its head 

The stones were trembling underfoot 

My essence being fed 

Every time I stumbled about 

My eyes would rise to see

The brilliance of the lemon rays 

Shining down on me

I gasp for air my final steps 

What seems to last for miles 

My bated breath my moistened brow 

Slowly, sweeps the aisles

I let it out a HOWLING yell 

I gaze at the valley below

My echoes resound in empty space 

My soul begins to glow

I reach the powdered summit 

My mind now crystal clear

It's never the journey taken... 

It's relinquishing all you fear!

Poetry Sunday ~ Come To Me

Matt. 11:28 “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

Come To Me

Come all who are heavy laden

The burden too strong to bear

Come one come all you sinning men

In My arms feel no despair.

Rivers of living water flow

I see the streams in you

Come all who are heavy laden

The cross is the least I can do.

Come all who are heavy laden

A shadow veils your face.

Come to me you restless spirit

Be free of this sinful place.

Come all who are heavy laden

To rest your weary soul.

I am the Lord your Savior

Through me you can be whole.

Isa. 59:1 “Behold, the LORD's hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither his ear heavy, that it cannot hear:”

Quotation Saturday

Pss. 25:5 “Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day.”

FAKE

“A company of wolves, is better than a company of wolves in sheep's clothing.” 
~ Anthony Liccione

“What's the whole point of being pretty on the outside when you’re so ugly on the inside?” 
~ Jess C. Scott

“You will never find the real truth among people that are insecure or have egos to protect. Truth over time becomes either guarded or twisted as their perspective changes; it changes with the seasons of their shame, love, hope or pride.” 
~ Shannon L. Alder

“An open Facebook page is simply a psychiatric dry erase board that screams, “Look at me. I am insecure. I need your reaction to what I am doing, but you’re not cool enough to be my friend. Therefore, I will just pray you see this because the approval of God is not all I need.” 
~ Shannon L. Alder

PRETENSE

“That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending - performing. You get to love your pretense. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act - and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you're trying to steal their most precious possession.” 
~ Jim Morrison

“Men fear thought as they fear nothing else on earth -- more than ruin, more even than death. Thought is subversive and revolutionary, destructive and terrible, thought is merciless to privilege, established institutions, and comfortable habits; thought is anarchic and lawless, indifferent to authority, careless of the well-tried wisdom of the ages. Thought looks into the pit of hell and is not afraid ... Thought is great and swift and free, the light of the world, and the chief glory of man.” 
~ Bertrand Russell

“You wear a mask for so long, you forget who you were beneath it.” 
~ Alan Moore

“After all, what was adult life but one moment of weakness piled on top of another? Most people just fell in line like obedient little children, doing exactly what society expected of them at any given moment, all the while pretending that they’d actually made some sort of choice.” 
~ Tom Perrotta

CHOICE

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.” 
~ Robert Frost

“In the space between yes and no, there's a lifetime. It's the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it's the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are; its the legroom for the lies you'll tell yourself in the future.” 
~ Jodi Picoult

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself in your way of thinking.” 
~ Marcus Aurelius

“Plant seeds of happiness, hope, success, and love; it will all come back to you in abundance. This is the law of nature.” 
~ Steve Maraboli

TRUTH

“The truth is messy. It's raw and uncomfortable. You can't blame people for preferring lies.” 
~ Holly Black

“Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.” 
~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky

“The unexamined life is not worth living.” 
~ Socrates

“Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty and truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed. If people all over the world would do this, it would change the earth.” 
~ William Faulkner

Lent: Day Twenty-three ~ Obedience

 Heb 5: 8 Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered;

Obedience ~

I woke up this morning and thought wow day 23. Maybe I’ll skip a post. I need a break. WHAT? Skip a post? Break?

Can you imagine God waking up and saying, “I think I’ll skip answering that prayer. I need a break!” ???

Well as you’re reading this, you can see I shrugged that silly thought under the rug. I made a promise and I’m sticking to it. Just as God makes promises and sticks to them, we have a duty to stick to our promises to Him.

1 Cor.15:58 Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.

I get tired too. I sometimes just let off steam and rant my loose lips and just want to give up. But it is momentary, I’m telling you, I am an obedient servant of God and as I go through my day I watch as people say they are obedient Christians be anything BUT obedient to Christ. “Is all this in vain Lord? Why do I seem to be the only obedient one here?” I feel alone in the world sometimes and then a small sliver of light shines down in way of another obedient Christian. I see them, embrace them and for a moment I feel hope wash over me like a rain shower on a warm spring day.

Galatians 6:9-10 Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.

That was it, I had a momentary lapse of weariness. I felt overwhelmed with a task; I felt isolated and alone so I did ask God, “Is this all in vain?” He assured me that any task for Him wasn’t and gave me a shoulder of His to rest on so I would feel revitalized today and as ready as ever to move forward.

I think what is happening in the world is that men and women don’t look down at their moral compass often enough. They go on with their day, make sure they put their mask on before being seen in public, and go about their day lusting, wanting, needing, fulfilling their need to satisfaction and asking for forgiveness day after day, sin after sin. Why not, God is a forgiving God after all.

To me, obedience is nurturing the spirit. And I do mean nurture not just feeding my body of all that it craves. Sometimes depriving the body is just the right tool to move you into an obedient spirit.

Say you’re a chocoholic. You crave chocolate daily and every day you give into that craving and eat a piece here and there. No harm, no foul? You are satisfying YOU. Deprive yourself of that urge every single day for a month or two. You are now nurturing you and satisfying the spirit.

Now some of you will cheat and say, “I can’t afford to eat chocolate every day, so a month with none is pretty easy for me.” That is cheating. And who are we cheating? Our soul!

You need to find something that you get the urge for on a daily maybe even an hourly basis. Like say coffee? Can you obediently deprive yourself of coffee for a month? I know, you think I’m insane. Why in the world would you do that, willingly? Sometimes to nurture our spirits and become obedient to Christ, we need to deprive ourselves of urges we get and sacrifice them for the Lord.

I’m not saying ‘you’re going to go to hell’, I’m not saying ‘oh look at you, you’re a bad Christian!’ What I AM saying is that to nurture your soul, to hear God speak to you personally, sometimes we need to be willing to sacrifice for HIM to draw closer to Him.

A lot of times I hear people say, “God doesn’t talk to ME!” like they’re offended or something because I hear Him talk to me. Maybe because I don’t consume to satisfy ME. I don’t ‘click’ to satisfy MY urges. I don’t purchase things for ME! I’m not about ME, I’m about being an obedient servant. I’m about guiding my moral compass in the right direction and staying on that direction. I’m not about giving up, taking breaks and resting from my duties, I’m about fulfilling my promise to God knowing full well, He will fulfill His promise to me.

Ephesians 6: 7-8 With good will render service, as to the Lord, and not to men, knowing that whatever good thing each one does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether slave or free.

Weary Among Men

Job 39: 12 Wilt thou believe him, that he will bring home thy seed, and gather it into thy barn?

Weary Among Men

My heart is growing weary

My eyes are drawing dim.

I cannot find the laughter

In man who’s wrought with sin.

My legs are turning wobbly

My arms they hurt to raise.

I cannot find the joy

In man who gives false praise.

My mind is set to wander

Away from a faulty place.

I cannot find the happiness

In man who wears false face.

My body’s nearly broken

I’m aching all inside.

I cannot live in sanctity

While man is full of pride.

Dear Lord come and take me home

Where I might find some peace.

I cannot stay where I don’t belong

I cry out for sweet release!

Prov. 7: 19 For the goodman is not at home, he is gone a long journey:

Day Four: Another Day Alone

Pss. 102:7 I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
***

Well friends this is day four of the Adam saga. I call it a saga because I’ve never experienced anything like this in my life. Yesterday I did pretty good, I didn’t cry until I saw Adam get off the bus. Such a sense of relief knowing he was home safe, in my arms.

Yesterday as I drove into town alone, I realized something. This is it. I am really alone. With Adam off at school and Steven doing his thing on the computer; I’m riding into town, passing the luscious trees, crossing over the Platte River, inhaling the aroma’s that only the fields of corn can emit, taking in all the sounds of moving cars, while listening to Praise music on my car radio. Alone.

The drama queen in me really wants to curl into a ball and forget I even exist in this world. But the human being who loves God more than life itself, knows I have to move forward with each day and take the new strides as a growth spurt. I know I feel a story in here somewhere. Will I ever get to it? *shrugs*

Adam likes school. He likes making friends, he likes all his classes except Algebra, and his health teacher, who sounds like a bully to me, but hey, maybe that’s what teachers have to do to get kids to listen up! Adam even got into his stickler of a locker! Never having touched one in his life, he had troubles so he just carried the 100 lb. backpack around with him all day.

He’s lost weight. I don’t know if it is from stress, not eating, or lugging those darn books!He came home, we ate, I helped with his homework and we went to bed. A new routine to fall into and one we both need to adjust to because it looks like this is the way it is going to be. I told him that by Friday we’ll know if this is what he really wants. I am not pressuring him in any way. If he succeeds yipee, if he fails, AT LEAST HE TRIED his darndest, and for that, he will never fail in my eyes!

I’ll start  with the writing posts again after this week but really I just needed this week of support from my writing friends. The community that never lets me down.

The next leg of my journey is whether I continue as a writer, or say adios to the writing biz. The life I’ve tried so hard make for myself may just be coming to an end. Only God knows what is in store. I could take this time to dive into my writing, or I can let it go and get a ‘real job’ as I’ve been told to do on so many occasions.

The writing community will tell me to stay, but not having funds to help my own son through this school excursion is darned near killing me. And remember, my son will always come first. The saga will continue... be blessed  or just BE!

Poetry Sunday~ Out of the Dark...

Psalm 146: 8 The LORD openeth the eyes of the blind: the LORD raiseth them that are bowed down: the LORD loveth the righteous:
***
Out of the Dark
***
The colors hang in the balance
the fluid splendor of delight,
is floating on a breeze
so softly stills the night.

Lights dimmed as it carries
a fragrance thus abounds.
I’m left with no glory
only clamor of the sounds.

Fireworks hold the flame
the torch of heat is present
the sounds lift to the air,
aftermath not pleasant.

Twinkling lights of Christmas
hold no glow in the midst.
Gritting teeth; I close my hands
now clenched into a fist.

The night whispers to me
the wind, the noise, the cars.
I sit forever looking
at a night that holds no stars.

Find me Lord here waiting
for your plan to unfold.
Forgive me some impatience
if the truth is to be told.

I long to see the beauty
that only you display.
Send my sight back to me
without  further delay.