The Fear Factor

1 Sam. 17:34 "And David said unto Saul, Thy servant kept his father's sheep, and there came a lion, and a bear, and took a lamb out of the flock:"

I realize there is something inside me that helps me overcome so many hurdles; I have the strength of a lion and the gentleness of a lamb. When you come face to face with a lion ( a rare event for sure), I'm sure you're instilled with fear. The fear factor is something that rules everyone, even though they don't know it has washed over them or that the feeling has saturated their souls.

Let me ask, when you're faced with a diagnosis from a doctor, you know that tingling you get in your heartbeat where it feels as though it has stopped but you know it didn't because you're still alive, as you feel the rapid rhythm pulsating in your chest? Your brow breaks out in beads of sweat, your palms become clammy as you wait for a prognosis; that there is fear, fear of the worst-case scenario. 

I don't think anyone goes into the doctors' office with the faith that all is well. You walk in out of fear. Most people don't even go to the doctor because of fear but by the time you've made it to his doorstep, you're carrying fear in there with you. Why? Because you know full well you haven't taken care of yourself. You know deep down the neglectful years are finally going to catch up with you.

When I finally went to the doctor because of 'a lump', I instinctively knew what was going to be said. I had done all of the google searches that aimed me in the 'most likely not' direction, but the final diagnosis became 'the worst case scenario'. Fear drove me home that day, fear tried to wake up with me the next day but the little lamb in me came and nestled in my heart as a comforting blanket of wool in a much needed time of cold despair.

I remember a few years ago when we visited an animal sanctuary and I came face to face with a lion! I actually stood in a cage of tigers and was allowed to pet one. Can you say that you've ever done THAT in your life? No, not many people can. The lion was big and fierce but he was wounded and neglected, that is why he was in the sanctuary, to save his life from years of neglect. Rory was finally getting the help he needed in the saviors at the animal sanctuary. As we came eye to eye, neither of us feared; we were both sizing one another up but as I went to pet him he let me know why he was the king of the forest with a loud roar and a snap at my finger. At that time he urinated on me in a spray and our uncle giggled and said, "That'll happen when they want to mark you." I wasn't laughing but I did find it cool to later that day go back and tell my friends that a lion had 'delivered me', I mean, peed on me. 

1 Sam. 17:37 "David said moreover, The LORD that delivered me out of the paw of the lion, and out of the paw of the bear, he will deliver me out of the hand of this Philistine. And Saul said unto David, Go, and the LORD be with thee."

When I was diagnosed with the Big C, I feared the doctors more than I did the lion! I feared the diagnosis, the treatment and the finality of the prognosis. I let the fear factor go home with me but I didn't let it pee on me and ruin my life. When the gavel came down later that week with the verified results, I didn't fear the doctor, I feared the treatment and the lack of willingness for us both to work on a positive outcome of what they had just sprayed me with. I didn't get to go home and be joyful to tell all my friends how I overcome the spraying of the venom that the doctors unleashed, instead I came home and told my friends of the fear I saw in the eyes of my loved ones as I said I wasn't going the conventional route.

This is when I realized I would need every bit of strength in going forward.  I needed to see past the fear factor. I knew I would need to look the lion of fear in the eye and let it know that I am a victim too, I am not a weak victim and my Savior is not a sanctuary for saving cats but a sanctuary of love for saving human beings; the Lamb would rise up to save me. I believe this with every fiber of my being. He knows it, I know it, I just wish the surrounding onlookers knew what it took to get me from point A to point B!

As many of you may have feared your dad as a child; the impending belt, switch, the hand of discipline, you feared. Many unknowingly carry the fear of accepting an Almighty Savior, feeling a little insecure in giving Him 100% total trust.  My dad wasn't the disciplinarian in my family, so I had no fear of accepting my Father in Heaven's discipline or guidance. I never had any trouble getting flushed by His spray of undeniable, unconditional love. He has marked me and surely is saving me from my own self. As I relinquish the fear factor and move forward with unwavering faith in a snail's pace enjoying the brilliant view, painstakingly hating the climb but cherishing the time I spend with my Father as the day draws near where we will be walking hand in hand on the shorelines of Heaven.  There won't be two sets of footprints because I will be beside Him, basking in all of his love and glory. As I miss my earthly father who now resides in heaven I am ever grateful to my Heavenly Father for sending out a boat, filled with life preservers and saturating my soul when I need Him most.

It is a glorious Father's Day! Happy Father's Day, Abba! 

Pss. 57:4 "My soul is among lions: and I lie even among them that are set on fire, even the sons of men, whose teeth are spears and arrows, and their tongue a sharp sword."

Moving Along With Cancer

Matt. 14:14 "And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick."

Moving Along with Cancer

I’d like to first share the Sunday mother-in-law visit. I had told her not to come with pity on her shoulders and she stayed true to form. While I know she is a very emotional person and can drop a tear quicker than you can bat an eyelash, she stayed a pillar of strength that I’ve come to know and love.

She more or less came to understand where I am coming from and I think I assured her that this decision of not going the chemo route was not entered into lightly and that God himself is the one encouraging me and keeping me looking up, not down.

She came bearing a Primrose plant and a smile. As we sat at the table and she asked how I was doing and I told her good, she looked doubtful and began to well up. I jumped into preacher mode. “Really I’m fine. No, the news wasn’t good, but the way I’m handling this shift in my lifestyle is pretty amazing.” The tear never made it out of her eyes, I had shocked her I think.

I went on to talk about the chemo effects and I mentioned how her sister-in-law was lying in the very position I never want to be in, with tubes feeding me and laying there waiting to die. She admitted only knowing two or three people who’ve fought the battle and outwardly are showing signs of winning the battle, but I wonder what those people live like daily. Drugs? Medication? What are they doing to keep the cancer from coming back? Relying on drugs or have they too had a major lifestyle change?

As hard as it may be to face the truth, I know for a fact of three people in her life who lost the battle or are losing the battle as I write. Am I wrong for not wanting to become one of those statistics? She even told me to my face that if she found out today that she had cancer, she don’t think she’d do the chemo. I don’t know if she was just saying that to console me or if she was seriously thinking that at 71 years of age, to her it might not be worth the fight.

I know I’m only fifty years old and the chemo might be a route someone my age would jump at, but my lifestyle of sugars and high carb living has abruptly come to halt. I am on an attack the immune system mode with greens, not fake or frozen, the real deal. And as you can imagine the vegetables are almost as expensive as the essential supplements I need to win this race.

My friends are pulling through for me along with two (count 'em, TWO) family members who have reached out to help monetarily or any other way they can. I don’t think people realize that the smallest dipping into helping me is helping me in a major way. 

You don’t have to go the pay pal route in helping me, if you’re in a pharmacy and see some Vit. C, omega3 vitamins, iodine, calcium, magnesium, curcumin or selenium you’d like to pick up for me and mail to me, just ask for my address. I have an arsenal I’m using and I only have so far a months supply and if I don’t get more, well you know, nothing good will come of that. I’m even accepting cards (virtual or physical) of well-wishes or loving words of encouragement. This is a tough battle that I wouldn’t wish on anyone and to go it alone? No way! 

If you look at that picture of me and think she’s a beautiful lady, know that there isn’t one false hair on my head. I’ve cut my own hair since I was about thirteen, and it is only lightened by the suns caressing rays. I wouldn’t know what a manicure or a pedicure are (never appealed to me). All of my life all that I’ve ever strived for was being a child of God and NOT of this world. What you see is a woman who’s first crush was Christ and it still tickles me at the thought of Him opening the door for me when I reach heaven’s gate. 

I am a selfless soul that will march on in a storm of blazing Glory fighting this battle before me. I will praise God for every soul who is drawn to me and for the ones who fear me. I will not hold any bitterness towards the family members who feel nothing for me. My apologies, this battle is not about you and what I did or didn’t do right for you, this is about the battle to stay alive for my husband and my son. 

The ‘navigator’ lady called me yesterday as I was veggie shopping; as my phone rang my heart started beating faster, my palms went sweaty and I almost vomited in WalMart as the anxiety took hold of my being. I turned my phone off only to turn it back on to call my mother last evening. 

I calmed down only after returning home and realizing I am loved, I have veggies, vitamins and I’m going to win this battle! 

She called this morning and I was in fighting mode. I spit questions at her immediately. What stage of cancer is this? 
"She don't know yet, it IS HER2 positive". (That tells me a lot)
How is Vitamin C considered alternative medicine? 
“We don’t do that here.” 
Is chemotherapy going to cure me? * silence * Silence that lasted too long, “I’m writing.” I assumed taking notes for her line of defense. And so the story goes. She has all of the answers for the chemo treatment but has nothing for a defense to my inquisitive mind. I did tell her that this is my body and my fight, I need someone who can work with me on a mutual conclusion. 
“Did you want to get a second opinion?”
And so the fun of the merry-go-round begins. 

She did return a call and said she had more answers for me. Obviously, I hit her with so many questions, she needed time to research the answers. A war of wits? I let it go to voicemail as I need peace and calm before I can listen to her rhetoric again. 

Positive thoughts and prayers PLEASE. This whole situation is trying to grate on my serene power of healing and I WILL NOT let it in! God and His army of angels surround me! We’ve seen this battle before! 

Think of cancer as an enemy that is attacking your cells from the inside, standing up and shouting, “We own you!” Think of detoxifying your body as a way of saying “NO! Green (organic) vegetables own me!” Bread doesn’t own me, pasta or sugar are not my friends and meat, unless it is pasture fed on non-chemically treated grounds is toxins that cancer LOVES to breed in. 

My battlefield, for now, is GREEN and Grace! And I can honestly say this is the best I’ve ever felt in my life! 

My arsenal:

10 Natural Cance Treatments 

Cancer Tutor

The Truth About Cancer

Holistic Protocol

Chris Beat Cancer

Iodine

Alternative Breast Cancer Treatment

And a host of other sites and avenues that will become links on my page very soon!

If my journey saves ONE life, then it's a journey worth traveling!

God Bless you all!

Godspeed

Luke 11: 6 For a friend of mine in his journey is come to me, and I have nothing to set before him?

Godspeed

He walks a blazing future trail

Behind him a comfort zone

A blanket of truth is his guide

He will never walk it alone.

Cradled is his love of God

A valiant road in life

Blessed be the journey taken

Beside him walks his wife.

Onward Christian soldier

Marches into the unknown

Going with the grace of God

The spiritual Light he’s shown.

He leaves behind a trail of sheep

All lined up in the field

We hang on every sermon

As our strength and mighty shield.

We offer him our blessing

Go forth and plant your seed

Always stay true to your faith

With love and peace, Godspeed!

Rev. 7: 17 For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.

*Note: This is for Pastor Mike as today is his last

sermon before he moves on with God's hand guiding.

The Souls Ascent

Pss. 11: 1 In the LORD put I my trust: How say ye to my soul, Flee as a bird to your mountain?

The Souls Ascent

I peered up at the towering mount
That glistened from the snow
Would I reach that velvet cap
That no one dared to go.

The very tip seems to drift
In a string of pearly lace
No end in sight for it was hid
Upon this rocky face.

Burgeoning trees whispered still
They called within the deep
Nature would carry my weary legs
If for my soul to keep.

Every aching step I took
Impelling me to climb
A voice was beckoning in my head.
Transcending the sublime

I walked on fading fury
As the summit reared its head
The stones were trembling underfoot
My essence being fed.

Every time I stumbled about
My eyes would raise to see
The brilliance of the lemon rays
Shining down on me.

I gasp for air my final steps
What seems to last for miles
My bated breath my moistened brow
Slowly, sweeps the aisles.

I let it out a HOWLING yell
I gaze at the valley below
My echoes resound in empty space
My soul begins to glow.

I reach the powdered summit
My mind now crystal clear

It's never the journey taken
It's relinquishing all you fear!

Pss. 49: 5 Wherefore should I fear in the days of evil, when the iniquity of my heels shall compass me about?