I Need You To Know

Prov. 19: 20-21 (NLT) “Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life. You can make many plans, but the LORD’s purpose will prevail.” 

This week I was emotionally hit by someone who told me what I need to do with my body. It was a supposed dear friend who knows what I am enduring with this diagnosis of a lifetime. He went on to tell me that God wants me to take care of my body and I'm being selfish not thinking of my loved ones by not going the slice, dice, and radiate route. I told him that the chemo route could only give me five years and he said it was better than five months. He feels the route I'm taking is limiting me to five months time?

I don't know personally how this person listens to God, but I know how I do and how God listens and hears me! Throughout this slightly traumatic event that this supposed friend put me through, God has reached out through scripture, placing what I need to see and hear in front of my eyes, in my email, or just by chance. I don't believe in coincidence so I know it is God who is giving me messages and not the enemy of attack! God had my dear friends come out in full force of support for me and I know each of them to be Godly Christians, not the twice-a-year Christian. So who will I listen to? Dear friends who God sends or a supposed friend who a month ago told me to go climb back under my rock because I'm not wrapped up in this materialistic world as the rest of the people? I think you know the answer to that.

Friends, let me tell you. I did not make this decision blindly or loosely. I'm not one of those people whose child is dying and I don't take him to the hospital because God is the almighty healer and will fix it all! No, I prayed first and foremost at the beginning (and I still do, just so you know.) God sent me on this path! He heard my prayer and understood so He agreed to be here for me no matter how bumpy and craggy the road got. No matter how many people jumped out in front of me to try and instill fear in me, God would handle them and me! I have not wavered in faith one time on this journey. People have but I have not and I will not apologize for my strength.

The person hit me below the belt. I'm still weak when it comes to opposition, and this opened a door of doubt and fear I wasn't ready for. But God swooped in via scripture and supportive friends to relieve any doubt and fear and has me once again embracing this journey. The person went on to tell me that if what I'm doing is not working I need to get to a doctor immediately. For one, how does he know if what I'm doing is or is not working and second of all, who is he to tell me what to do with MY body? Boy, that really got me unnecessarily riled up! When I need peace the most, I was hit with worry and stress. Interesting, isn't that usually what the enemy uses to attack with? 

Can I paint a scenario of what would happen if I chose the conventional route at ANY time during this illness? Chemo can 'maybe' give me five-to-ten years of life. After cutting me open, radiation, and scientifically known toxic drugs. Oops, they missed some of the yuks, cut me open again exposing the C-cells to air. Oops its spread, cut me open again to remove ovaries, oops it spread again, cut me open some more, remove my lung, my lymph nodes gone, my immune system shot. No fight left in my genetics or my spirit. The next ten years would be putting myself and my family through a chopping block of pain, literally! In and out of the hospital month after month with new trauma after new trauma only to watch me wither, crumble and die in hospice hooked to machines. In the five years of chopping me up, my 105 lb. weight dwindles to 60lbs. How is THAT selfish of me? I want to spare my husband and son that pain AND suffering!

That is exactly what happened to MANY members of my immediate family. They were not distant aunts and uncles. One was my grandmother, my dads' mother. One was my dad's sister and one was my mother's aunt. On both sides of my genetics, this scenario played out year after year with family members that I also didn't even know. I CHOSE not to be a victim of slice and dice. I found too numerous to count testimonies of people who SUCCESSFULLY went a different route! Why would I NOT try this? My family before me chose THEIR route, even though there was no internet of alternative routes available to them. They actually trusted their doctor and the numerous toxic drugs they put in their body. They all died!

Friends, it is inevitable that I am going to die. So are you. Granted we would all rather die later than sooner. We would all love to spare our loved ones the pain of losing us but when in history did that become our choice in when we die? NO ONE has chosen when they die except via suicide. I'm choosing to live as long as I possibly can, maintaining my health on a daily basis and that is more than I can say for a lot of folks who could care less about their health. But I'm the selfish bad guy for wanting to LIVE? Something is seriously wrong with that mentality. 

I can't guarantee that this route will be a success. A doctor can't guarantee chemo either. There are no guarantees in life! I don't want to leave my husband and son but THAT is not my choice! I just want to hold fast to my unwavering faith and show people that God reigns supreme in this world. The world is full of choices in life, many a matter of life and death, you live or you die. I choose God over man; life over death. You make your choices, I make mine unselfishly always putting God first! I may be wrong, I may be right but I know in my soul that eternal life is awaiting me. All praise and glory to God!

Pss. 27:3  "Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident."

*note: both scriptures in today's post were sent to me

by happenstance. Thank you, Lord! 

The Fear Factor

1 Sam. 17:34 "And David said unto Saul, Thy servant kept his father's sheep, and there came a lion, and a bear, and took a lamb out of the flock:"

I realize there is something inside me that helps me overcome so many hurdles; I have the strength of a lion and the gentleness of a lamb. When you come face to face with a lion ( a rare event for sure), I'm sure you're instilled with fear. The fear factor is something that rules everyone, even though they don't know it has washed over them or that the feeling has saturated their souls.

Let me ask, when you're faced with a diagnosis from a doctor, you know that tingling you get in your heartbeat where it feels as though it has stopped but you know it didn't because you're still alive, as you feel the rapid rhythm pulsating in your chest? Your brow breaks out in beads of sweat, your palms become clammy as you wait for a prognosis; that there is fear, fear of the worst-case scenario. 

I don't think anyone goes into the doctors' office with the faith that all is well. You walk in out of fear. Most people don't even go to the doctor because of fear but by the time you've made it to his doorstep, you're carrying fear in there with you. Why? Because you know full well you haven't taken care of yourself. You know deep down the neglectful years are finally going to catch up with you.

When I finally went to the doctor because of 'a lump', I instinctively knew what was going to be said. I had done all of the google searches that aimed me in the 'most likely not' direction, but the final diagnosis became 'the worst case scenario'. Fear drove me home that day, fear tried to wake up with me the next day but the little lamb in me came and nestled in my heart as a comforting blanket of wool in a much needed time of cold despair.

I remember a few years ago when we visited an animal sanctuary and I came face to face with a lion! I actually stood in a cage of tigers and was allowed to pet one. Can you say that you've ever done THAT in your life? No, not many people can. The lion was big and fierce but he was wounded and neglected, that is why he was in the sanctuary, to save his life from years of neglect. Rory was finally getting the help he needed in the saviors at the animal sanctuary. As we came eye to eye, neither of us feared; we were both sizing one another up but as I went to pet him he let me know why he was the king of the forest with a loud roar and a snap at my finger. At that time he urinated on me in a spray and our uncle giggled and said, "That'll happen when they want to mark you." I wasn't laughing but I did find it cool to later that day go back and tell my friends that a lion had 'delivered me', I mean, peed on me. 

1 Sam. 17:37 "David said moreover, The LORD that delivered me out of the paw of the lion, and out of the paw of the bear, he will deliver me out of the hand of this Philistine. And Saul said unto David, Go, and the LORD be with thee."

When I was diagnosed with the Big C, I feared the doctors more than I did the lion! I feared the diagnosis, the treatment and the finality of the prognosis. I let the fear factor go home with me but I didn't let it pee on me and ruin my life. When the gavel came down later that week with the verified results, I didn't fear the doctor, I feared the treatment and the lack of willingness for us both to work on a positive outcome of what they had just sprayed me with. I didn't get to go home and be joyful to tell all my friends how I overcome the spraying of the venom that the doctors unleashed, instead I came home and told my friends of the fear I saw in the eyes of my loved ones as I said I wasn't going the conventional route.

This is when I realized I would need every bit of strength in going forward.  I needed to see past the fear factor. I knew I would need to look the lion of fear in the eye and let it know that I am a victim too, I am not a weak victim and my Savior is not a sanctuary for saving cats but a sanctuary of love for saving human beings; the Lamb would rise up to save me. I believe this with every fiber of my being. He knows it, I know it, I just wish the surrounding onlookers knew what it took to get me from point A to point B!

As many of you may have feared your dad as a child; the impending belt, switch, the hand of discipline, you feared. Many unknowingly carry the fear of accepting an Almighty Savior, feeling a little insecure in giving Him 100% total trust.  My dad wasn't the disciplinarian in my family, so I had no fear of accepting my Father in Heaven's discipline or guidance. I never had any trouble getting flushed by His spray of undeniable, unconditional love. He has marked me and surely is saving me from my own self. As I relinquish the fear factor and move forward with unwavering faith in a snail's pace enjoying the brilliant view, painstakingly hating the climb but cherishing the time I spend with my Father as the day draws near where we will be walking hand in hand on the shorelines of Heaven.  There won't be two sets of footprints because I will be beside Him, basking in all of his love and glory. As I miss my earthly father who now resides in heaven I am ever grateful to my Heavenly Father for sending out a boat, filled with life preservers and saturating my soul when I need Him most.

It is a glorious Father's Day! Happy Father's Day, Abba! 

Pss. 57:4 "My soul is among lions: and I lie even among them that are set on fire, even the sons of men, whose teeth are spears and arrows, and their tongue a sharp sword."

Healing The Gut

2 Chron.16:12 “And Asa in the thirty and ninth year of his reign was diseased in his feet, until his disease was exceeding great: yet in his disease he sought not to the LORD, but to the physicians.”

Healing the Gut

I put a lot of emphasis on different parts of healing and I may have missed out on the importance of healing the gut. After reading the article, you’ll see that the gut is the most important aspect of healing without a physician handing you drugs. It is really the only way to get the drugs OUT of your system to send you on a healing path.

I never really understood the proverb, Luke 4:23 ‘Physician heal thyself’. Some may understand it better than I but I looked into the meaning and it was pretty simple and as I understood it to mean. Put simply ‘Heal yourself before you heal us.’ That is my whole intention here, to heal myself before I can give you concrete information and just like Jesus I have the hand of God working with me.

Luke 4:23 “And he said unto them, Ye will surely say unto me this proverb, Physician, heal thyself: whatsoever we have heard done in Capernaum, do also here in thy country.”

I go on and on about supplementation but I really need to get to the root of all problems in our system. All the supplements you take to help yourself will do nothing if you don’t heal the gut of the bad organisms running around in there. This might be a little gross subject, I don’t know but truth be told, we ARE what we eat. 

Our bodies were created to put healthy food in our shell and what the body doesn’t need, it comes out. Our bodies were not created to eat chemically sprayed vegetables, toxic laden meat, or processed foods. Our bodies do not process processed food well, it damages the system. It’s kind of like putting gasoline in a diesel fuel engine or vice versa. It will damage the vehicle.

From Google: 
What will gasoline do to a diesel engine?
This means the diesel fuel will prematurely ignite in the diesel engine, which can lead to engine damage. Gasoline contamination can also damage the fuel pump and mess up diesel injectors. This happens because of a drop in lubrication. Simply speaking, gasoline is a solvent while diesel is an oil.

The people at The Truth About Cancer can give you all of the scientific facts that you need to understand about healing the gut. I’m just here relaying my journey and what actions I’m taking to heal myself on this path I'm being led down.

If you’re carrying around a few extra pounds, I can guarantee you have an unhealthy gut and that is the first thing that needs tending before you go the supplementation route or if you’re needing the supplements to work. Probiotics help neutralize the unhealthy organisms having free range in your stomach. Your organs will thank you and start functioning properly down the line.

As for us with this disease, we are already showing signs of an unhealthy gut and if we’re going the alternative route we NEED the vitamins to work even more so than those in perfect health. Our lives are literally depending on us to nurture every aspect of our mind, bodies, and souls. We must find healing in every cell that is going haywire in our body. Whatever path you choose, conventional or alternative, you owe it to yourself to take care of your health, or be faced with this illness over and over again.

I try to provide links and gentle advice so you too can change your lifestyle, stay the same, or utilize and learn healing aspects. Maybe some of you are unhealthy and are quite happy with yourself, then do nothing and live happily. Some of us, didn’t even know we were unhealthy and a disease crept up on us like a shadow, you knew it was there at certain times of the day and most of the time you just ignored it. 

A woman from the Alternative Group I’m in had mentioned that she was a vegetarian, ate healthily, exercised, did everything right for years and still came down with this dreaded disease. What happened, she asked the group. Come to find out, STRESS happened. We think stress doesn’t have any effect on us, we think we’re in control but sure enough, even the healthiest eaters get this Big C disease. It is how you handle the situation once your suffering that will lay the path to your healing future. If you don’t recognize what stress did to your life, you can rest assured, you won’t find healing via vitamins and nutrition.

Similarly, as Christians, it is how you carry your Christianity that defines you. God can be the Almighty healer, or he can passively hang around your walk as an observer. We all have choices in our life. We can choose HEALTH, or we can be passive and choose unhealthy eating that only leads to doctors and too many illnesses to list.

I now choose HEALTH! I choose LIFE! By making this choice I am doing everything within my power to make myself whole, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. This isn’t a ‘take a vitamin and eat right’ disease, this is an illness that is attacking every cell in your body and the first line of defense is healing the organs that sustain you! Heal every out of whack cell and life will reward you. 

Prov. 23:6 “Eat thou not the bread of him that hath an evil eye, neither desire thou his dainty meats:”

I'm At A Standstill

Hebrews 1:14 “Are they not all ministering spirits, sent forth to minister for them who shall be heirs of salvation?”

I’m at a standstill

Can you believe I need a break from writing? I’ve written and written and now I just want a break but as usual, I’ll ask the Lord what He wants me to do first. I've just had a tiring grumpy kind of week, so let me vent a little.

I’m bogged down with too much information and I’m dismayed by negative misinformation. You see, I live in a state that believes GMO’s are not harmful because their government put out a bulletin stating such. They believe crops should be sprayed with chemicals and ingested with no worry of harm. 

They also believe cannabis should not be legalized for medicinal usage because it will entice kids to smoke weed. Forgetting that their kids smoke weed WITHOUT marijuana being legal, but let’s keep the MEDICINAL USAGE away from people who NEED this PROVEN medical breakthrough!

They believe kids should be given twenty vaccines within a two year period and again, believe what the government feeds them. Instead of believing scientific factual statistics proving some of these vaccines are harmful to their kids, causing autism, ADHD or brain damage. 
Read this heartbreaking story. No, it’s not scientific facts, this is a human beings experience with vaccination! 

But guess what, some states are NOT ALLOWING the freedom of CHOICE to make the vaccination decision on your own! THAT is the America you live in, run by a mega-rich reality TV star and his family.

I live in a state that believes conventional methods are the ‘right’ methods and people and doctors who don’t believe in their conventional methods are ‘quacks’. So you can see what I’m up against here, while my other account on FB is for my family I have to basically abandon it if I’m to continue to heal.

You might want to note that even chiropractors were thought to be quacks at one time and now they are an accepted practice to healing the spinal problems this nation has. Maybe this being the twenty-first century and all, more of the conventionalists will come around and start accepting and allowing non-conventional treatment. I can’t afford to go to twenty different doctor’s to find one that’ll work WITH me, the closest Naturopath is over 100 miles away in Lincoln. All I have where I am is TWO (yup TWO) extremely conventional oncologists. 

While I usually go over to my other FB account to visit my nieces and all their baby pictures, I get bombarded by GMO’s are good posts. I’m slowly eliminating any view of the continuous feed of misinformed conventionalists. I am also subscribed to Breast Cancer Alternative Treatments and even they are depressing. While I go for support of other women doing the alternative route all over the world, there are too many women posting that they went conventional, are now sorry and need information to guide them. As much as I love helping people, I’m not at the stage where I feel knowledgeable enough to help in this field.

My healing is dependent upon love, friendship, support and positive flowing energy. I know all this ‘energy’ talk may go against your conventional methods but as you can read, I’m a quack amid the good company of men and women in the medical field that also are choosing to go against the grain of traditional methods to HEALING!

What I don’t understand is why is there even a market for the organic growing of fruits and vegetables, vegetarian fed chickens and meat, or raw milk if GMO’s are so healthy for you? You’re not going to tell me that vegetarians and vegans had this impact all by themselves. I think people realized you know what, why do those eggs fresh outta my friends chicken taste better than store bought processed eggs? 

Why are farmers afraid to admit that eating pesticides is like adding one too many dashes of salt to your food, you’re going to pay in the end. Is it all about money? Will they make less money and lose more crops if they DON’T use fungicides, pesticides, Round-up? I know there was a time when farmers used to depend on good ol’ God for taking care of their fields; I guess they gave that up to the rising economy. 

After going to the food store one too many heartbreaking times, I need to isolate myself from basically the world and all of the negativity. This is a sad world and it isn’t going to change because Joni’s sick. Nope, I have a funny feeling it is just going to get sicker and sicker, blinder and blinder, darkened and more darkened. And to think they wanted me to spend the last days hooked up to a poison machine? No thanks, I’ll drink in God and await His arrival. 

I have to thank my special friends who take their time and their money to think of me. When I get down and grumpy, I need to see some kind of light at the end of the tunnel and in all honesty, they are all I have besides God, to lift me up where I need to be… HEALING that’s where I need to be! You are truly a blessing to me. You know who you are. <3 and="" b="" hugs="" tight="">

Power in Prayer Part II

Job 15:4 “Yea, thou castest off fear, and restrainest prayer before God.”

Power of Prayer Part II

Since being diagnosed with this illness, what fell into my lap at the precise timing were online modules, Chris Beat Cancer (CBC) with Chris Wark, and The Truth About Cancer, a docuseries with Ty Bollinger.

The CBC modules told how as a young man Chris was diagnosed with colon cancer. They operated on him and afterward wanted him to do chemotherapy immediately and he refused. At the time, he could afford to say no and went the holistic healing route.

He flew to different states talked with different doctors, found a doctor who would inject him with vitamin C as he searched and searched for healing remedies. Twelve years clean of the ickyC, two children later, and thousands of dollars on vitamins and herbs, he put together a ten-part series on how he won the battle.

A Christian man from the beginning, Chris first went to his church where he was a part of the worship team and informed them of his diagnosis. What did his church family do? They prayed over him to be guided in his healing. They surrounded him with prayer and support as he pursued the holistic way of healing.

He was told at the beginning of his diagnosis of all the ugliness surrounding chemo. How chemo destroyed your immune system, how he’d never be able to have children and how sick he would be on chemo. He right then and there said no way to chemo and went his own way finding a Naturopathic Doctor to assist in his journey. 

From google: How does chemo affect your immune system?
Cancer can weaken the immune system by spreading into the bone marrow. The bone marrow makes blood cells that help to fight infection. The weakening of the immune system happens most often in leukemia or lymphoma. But it can happen with other cancers too.

What chemo does to the body?
Chemotherapy drugs are powerful enough to kill rapidly growing cancer cells, but they also can harm perfectly healthy cells, causing side effects throughout the body. Chemotherapy can interfere with the body's ability to produce healthy blood platelets, red blood cells, and white blood cells.

Can chemo kill you?
If you take chemotherapy and it doesn't kill all the cancer cells, you will find yourself in a very vulnerable position with a decimated immune system. You will have little defenses left to prevent any remaining cancer cells from reproducing. ... Most chemotherapy drugs are carcinogenic, that means they CAN cause cancer.

How effective is chemo?

What does exposure feel like?
Large doses of ionizing radiation in a short time period lead to Acute Radiation Syndrome (ARS), aka radiation poisoning. The severity of ARS symptoms depends on the level of exposure. A radiation dose as low as 0.35 Gy could feel a bit like you have the flu—expect nausea and vomiting, headaches, fatigue, and fever.

What does radiation do to the body?
Ionizing radiation—the kind that minerals, atom bombs and nuclear reactors emit—does one main thing to the human body: it weakens and breaks up DNA, either damaging cells enough to kill them or causing them to mutate in ways that may eventually lead to cancer.

There is so much more on the destruction of your cells from chemo and when I asked my oncologist #2 about it, he said he didn’t know where I heard that info (why, google of course) and that the cells regenerate and I’d be fine. What? He also NEVER informed me of ANY of the statements above from google, just sign here on the dotted line to be fed into the chamber.

The Ty Bollinger series on The Truth About Cancer (TBAC) is about hundreds (possibly thousands) of testimonials of people who just said NO, to chemo! One young man was given four months to live, he had heard about cannabis oil but where he lived in the UK it was illegal. He went through channels to get the oil and four months later he went back to the doctor for a screening and the tumor was shrinking and the C was leaving his body. His doctor told him whatever he was doing, to keep it up.

There is a testimonial where the government FORCED a woman and man to put their child through chemo and threatened to take their other kids away. They secretly were giving their child holistic remedies and their child was responding while the other children in the ward were getting sicker and sicker and many losing the battle.

I could go on and on about the amazing testimonials I watched in the past month on the power of prayer and the healing of our Lord. Yes, what all these people had in common was FAITH in God!

Pss. 4:1 “Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer.”

When I was first diagnosed, I told my dear spiritual family I didn’t want to go the chemo route and the majority prayed for me and told me to listen for God’s answer. God spoke to me in the way of those two modules that coincidentally were FREE (now they cost) and fell in my lap when I prayed to God for guidance. (You know me, I DON’T believe in coincidence!)

Some will say, “That’s not God talking, you need chemo, the big C is a killer.” Well people, it isn’t cancer that’s the killer and the sooner you accept that the more enlightened you will become.

God may have told you to go the chemo route, He might have said I’ll hold your hand and be with you every step of the way, but FOR ME, He did not say that. I was told by four doctors already that my cancer is unique to me, UNIQUE because no two cancers are alike. Like a thumbprint we are all genetically made different in every aspect, so is this illness, and so should treatment be treated that way. 

Pss. 55:1 “Give ear to my prayer, O God; and hide not thyself from my supplication.”

Let me ask you this, if my illness is so unique to me, why not treat me in a unique manner? Why offer me the exact same conventional treatment every other patient is offered? Why? Because that’s not how it works in the world of oncology. I do understand the concerns of the doctors. If they lose me, they feel as though they didn’t do their job. It is MY body, not theirs to decide what to do, and even more importantly, I’m LISTENING to God a HEALER, not a doctor, the pacifier.

I think once again I’ll go against the grain, not swim upstream with the fishies and walk on water with the Sweet Lord Jesus! The one thing all of the successful testimonies of holistic healing have in common is The Power of Prayer! Have faith people GOD IS ALIVE!

Pss. 5:3 “My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.”

Where I Go From Here...

Isa. 41:10 “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”

:13 “For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.”

Where I go from here…

If you’re not an expert in the field, then please refrain from judging ME and MY way of healing MY body! Your comments HURT more than help and I am in a very FRAGILE state as I face this cell-biting funk in my body! I’m not here to judge the toxins you put in YOUR body daily, I’m here to judge MY daily intake of toxins.

Expert opinions

“All the so-called natural deaths are nothing but the terminal point of high body acidity,” -- George W. Crile of Cleveland, one of the most renowned surgeons in the world.

“The innumerable names of the diseases are not important, but the fact that they all stem from the basic causes is -- too much acidity in the body.” -- Dr. Theodore A. Baroody, book “Alkalise or die” 

“Increased acidification of the body is the cause of degenerative diseases. If there is an imbalance and the body begins to store toxins and acidity to a greater extent, your body will start to experience diseases “- Dr. Robert O. Young.

Saturday, I unintentionally got knocked down a rung or two by a comment and with my impending new oncologist visit on Monday, it almost knocked me back to square one. A social media fast is in order and if you haven’t bookmarked my blog, then you’ll have no idea I’m continuing to write.

One comment, that’s all it took to get my heart racing and my hands shaking allowing doubt and fear to slither in; albeit unintentional, it kicked me in my fragile butt! Sunday I was a mess, even after a sermon and praise. I don’t like to delete people but at this juncture, I am more focused on MY healing than YOUR feelings. 

Monday morning came and a visit with a new oncologist was in order for the day. My anxiety felt high, but I winged it with a great blood pressure reading and not a tear fell down my cheek!
My GP led me to this doctor last week. This was not HER pick, it was MY pick out of the IBS (IckyBoobSyndrome) doctors available. I looked at the faces, I looked at the eyes and this was whom I chose. Little did I know that he is probably one of the TOP oncologists in the STATE of Nebraska, affiliated with a pretty highly ranked Big C Center. It was worth the forty-five-minute drive to me, to US. 

Someone warned me that this man was pretty adamant about not allowing patients to walk out the door without committing them to Chemotherapy. I was warned so I was ready with what little armor I had (I was weak going in, thanks to the unintentional hurtful comment over the weekend) and the doc was extremely almost forceful (hugging me seven times to sway me?) in making his call of having me commit. He wanted to call my son at home, he demanded I commit now before leaving, or he’d lose me (played the guilt card). Almost two hours of pressure but I walked out, informed, enlightened and aware. This was MUCH better than the first oncologist. And no bruising to show for it today!

What I DID commit to was a PET scan, only for the very reason being, to know if this crud is spreading through my body. I NEED to know as I continue on with my fight. If it is spreading, I may HAVE to do chemo. So I can live. As he put it, without chemo he gives me a year of cancer eating my brains and bones (with my former unhealthy lifestyle, mind you) to live, WITH chemo he was pretty confident an additional fifteen years. He put up a good argument but like I said, I still had my faith and strength in tact! “What’s stopping you?” Doc asked. My hubby, who was in the room with me, spoke up and said, “We need to pray about this! She’s told you her reasons why. Now we need time.” The man was not giving up! 

This is how firm he was. He ordered the PET scan from his office to my local hospital and of all the nerve, he wanted me to visit his office forty-five minutes away after my PET scan to sign up for the chemo!!!! He almost demanded and I said NO! If any of you have had a PET scan you know the twenty-four hour protocol? No eating, no drinking etc.? He needs results before I make ANY sort of commitment because it will change the plan a little that he had set out for me. “Friday, how about Friday?” he demanded. “NO!” I shot back! Pressure! My chest felt a tight pressure closing in on me!

His navigator lady was extremely helpful and very explanatory and also said, “In the end, it is YOUR body! YOUR decision!” I have to remember that I need to stop being a people pleaser for this duration. I only agreed to this visit to appease my GP. I wanted to go back home before entering the office and hubby started the truck and said, “Let’s go!” I told him I NEEDED to hear what this man had to say for my own sanity, good or bad, I NEED to hear it and that I did. 

I left the office with no other commitment but a PET scan on Thursday. He wanted me to schedule a visit for next week but I had to decline so I can see what my husband’s schedule is going to be like. Pressure! Pressing down on me. I do hold in my hand a copy of the results of my tests on January 25, a booklet on the guide to reading those tests and what they mean, and a book ‘Straight Talk about BC’. 

It sure doesn’t feel like MY life and MY decision but I guess this is normal. 
I’d like to add that with each doctor (4) now, they have seen my arsenal of supplements and my new eating habits. I get the feeling they know I’ve done my research and each supplement is targeted at my cells!

I pray that God gives me the strength to hear and follow what He wants me to do and I pray I’m hearing rightly and not blinded by what I want. I need continued prayer from the warriors who’ve been praying. Please don’t let up. Put my name in Prayer requests in all of your churches. PRAY FOR ME! 

Isa. 11:2 “And the spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the LORD;”

I Can Hear Them Now

2 Cor. 1:5 “For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.”

I Can Hear Them Now

I can hear them now after telling my family of my cancer diagnosis. I understand the biopsy is needed to confirm the truth if that makes you feel better, but Breasts Specialists would NOT say the word ‘cancer’ if they thought one iota of cancer not being present. 

I can hear them now, hasn’t this girl already been through so much? Let me assure you, the answer is no! If you read my blog from the past eight years you’ll see that I’ve been through a ton of stuff from my husband going completely blind to his miraculous regaining of his eyesight, to my hefty back arthritis right up to my diagnosis of the ‘C’ word.

Now if you look at my life from birth up until now I might see a few people reaching for a towel to dry the sweat from their eyes.

‘You should stop with the pity party on facebook’ an unintentional hurtful comment that cut to the bone. I’ve been trying to give my family clues and hints (I changed both profile pics to the Breast Cancer symbolism). Just so you know, I have a facebook account where I’m lucky if I have 40 friends. It’s for family, my blood family. I have a Writing FB account for my writing and my Spiritual Family! Two different names, two different people in my eyes, but the prognosis the same for both. 

Pity Party? Is crying out for my family a pity party? Is wanting them to just feel my pain and love me in some way a pity party? Let me tell you, my niece was the ONLY one to pick up my messages, messaged me and google searched me to see ‘if I was still writing’ and guess what, she found out, without me opening my mouth.

I started this post before my oncologist visit yesterday. I notified family members that I wanted to know my business and like cockroaches afraid of the light, they scurried away from me instead of to me to lend support. 

My beautiful niece is about the only one 100% behind me on my thoughts and the route I want to take. It was obvious the Oncologists had a different route in mind and wasn't open to ANYTHING I was saying. Absolutely nothing!

I went in full of HOPE and positive thoughts that I was going to beat this and that we’d fight together in seeing the healing outcome. Three ladies surrounded me in cult fashion, the doctor, a navigator who’d then guide me to what the doctor just said and an observer. She confirmed that it was cancer, that it was small and treatable if we attack it now. But the mere mention of turmeric and holistic healing she became defensive as if on a battleground and SHE was the one in control, not me, not God, not plentiful, bountiful, healing, medicinal herbs!

She wanted to examine me and I didn’t want it, was told on Monday that this was JUST a consultation. Why do they LIE? She went on to examine me pressing on the tumor so hard, I woke this morning with a bruised left breast! I am not kidding or lying to you, no I’ll save that for the doctors.

Her battleground route? “We’ll do Chemo first.”
“Isn’t that what causes you to lose your hair.” 
“Yes, yes, you’ll lose your hair. That long beautiful hair. You probably had that since you were two.” 
Tears
Hubby, another tactic observer, (not for the physical exam mind you) piped in saying, “It will grow back.” 
“Easy for you to say, you’re a man.”
The three ladies giggled as if eating the cheese on a broken mousetrap.

I did not feel in control of my body, my illness, this was THEIR battleground and I was just observing what tactics they were going to use to fight the enemy. I was the ant and they were the grasshoppers. Personally, I wanted to be the bird!

Anger was boiling under my skin. 

They went on. The doctor spoke, “We’ll give you drugs so you don’t feel sick.” Almost a year of chemo and drugs to shrink the tumor, then they would cut what is left out of me, then they would radiate me to finish the job of ridding the field of the enemy. And no guarantees of HEALING!

“How about turmeric working WITH your tactic?” 
“We’re not knowledgeable enough in unconventional treatment.” 

Wait a minute, doctors are NOT knowledgeable about other successful, albeit unconventional, TREATMENTS? She kept looking up at the ceiling and as a person who understands and reads body language, that is the sign of a liar!

Hubby was excused from the inner circle. She went on to examine me. It hurt so bad I was in pain instantly from the pressure she applied to both of my breasts. Now keep in mind, one year of no doctor, no pain whatsoever. One week into seeing doctor’s and this morning my breast is BRUISED! 

Last week, the GP examined me, no pain. The breast specialist examined me, no pain. Mammogram squishy, no pain. Biopsy needles, tender pain, meaning it just left my breast tender to the touch. This visit, I had to come home and pop a naproxen instantly FOR the pain. The ONE HOUR wait for the doctor to finally see me didn’t help matters, it just made me think bad things about this office.

Hubby returned, for the ‘consultation’ with “The Navigator”. She wanted a PET scan scheduled TODAY if possible or Friday. My defense mode went up and into overdrive. WHAT? No talk about turmeric, curcumin? NOTHING? Just rush me into drugging me and radiate me? 

Those who know me know I never owned a microwave until 13 years ago. I had no clothes dryer, my clothes were all line dried by the sweet sunshine, I had no computer to get all of my information either. I used good old books and libraries for information! I was the picture of old school yet I was 37 years young. 

And here I am today being told, when all I’ve read about radiation was negative, I’m being told radiation was the end all cure all way to go. Hmm, I wonder why I don’t see it that way. “PRAY”- prayer after prayer, listening after listening, day after hope-filled day, this almost three-hour visit left me HOPEless! I left not wanting to LIVE or FIGHT, no, I wanted to DIE and be LEFT TO DIE! 

Alone, I’ve never felt so alone. I cursed, I screamed, I cried all of which did not feel like me, I felt their job of demon possession worked, I was now filled with RAGE, HATE, MISERY, and PAIN!

I came home ready to spit daggers at anyone who was unfortunate enough to stand in front of my spewed words. So this is what it feels like? To be full of anger and hatred and then want to spew it to the world so they could feel it too? This is quite sad. This is NOT NORMAL! It may be a normal reaction but can you imagine people waking and feeling like this daily and not because they have cancer either, many felt this exact way before, during and after the election year. Those poor souls, I feel your pain. Is this what it took for me to understand your level of slithering hate?

My niece, my beautiful niece, she immediately put me in touch with cancer survivor pages, herbs and testimony of hundreds of success stories, not the lab rats that the elite, ‘professional’, supposedly scientific pros spit at you. I prayed… I woke today… HOPE and the path the LORD has set before me. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, I want to be The Face of The CURE, not the face of the getting by on drugs.

I put it this way to my husband (who I don’t feel is behind me on this, by the way) it’s like the ice storm that hit a couple weeks ago. People were told to stay home, stay safe. (the chemo route).Wouldn’t you know it, people went out anyway? (Unconventional route) Did you hear about the hundreds (possibly thousands) that made it to their destination? No, of course not, you were fed the images of those who died trying to make their MONEY. 

Another instance, hubby went out into an extremely mud-thickened visibility fog, a day after the ice storm. He has one eye, so depth perception is already askew, but he went out anyway to get to work. He made it to work; he made it home safely as the fog (but not as thick) still clung to the atmosphere. He said he’d never do it again but I think he is fooling himself, he’d do it again, we need the money desperately, and he’d do it, he knows it!

He took the chance, he went the unconventional route but I’m supposed to just jump into the cult and allow them to surround me with their tempting fate? Why didn’t the words, “Feel free to get a second opinion” come up?
I think you know where I’m, going with this… I CHOOSE HOPE! LIVE OR DIE…I CHOOSE HOPE! I’m a Jesus freak and it will be the death of me for sure…but at least there is PROMISE in that route!

ALLELUIA AMEN!

1 Cor. 1:9-14 “But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead:

 Who delivered us from so great a death, and doth deliver: in whom we trust that he will yet deliver us;

Ye also helping together by prayer for us, that for the gift bestowed upon us by the means of many persons thanks may be given by many on our behalf. For our rejoicing is this, the testimony of our conscience, that in simplicity and godly sincerity, not with fleshly wisdom, but by the grace of God, we have had our conversation in the world, and more abundantly to you-ward.

For we write none other things unto you, than what ye read or acknowledge; and I trust ye shall acknowledge even to the end;

As also ye have acknowledged us in part, that we are your rejoicing, even as ye also are ours in the day of the Lord Jesus.”