Poetry Sunday ~ The Soul's Ascent

Pss. 11: 1 "In the LORD put I my trust: How say ye to my soul, Flee as a bird to your mountain?"

The Soul's Ascent

I peered up at the towering mount 

That glistened from the snow

Would I reach that velvet cap 

That no one dared to go 

The very tip seems to drift

In a string of pearly lace 

No end in sight for it was hidden

Upon this rocky face 

Burgeoning trees whispered still 

They called within the deep 

Nature would carry my weary legs 

If for my soul to keep 

Every aching step I took

Impelled in me to climb 

A voice was beckoning in my head 

Transcending the sublime 

I walked on faded fury 

As the summit reared its head 

The stones were trembling underfoot 

My essence being fed 

Every time I stumbled about 

My eyes would rise to see

The brilliance of the lemon rays 

Shining down on me

I gasp for air my final steps 

What seems to last for miles 

My bated breath my moistened brow 

Slowly, sweeps the aisles

I let it out a HOWLING yell 

I gaze at the valley below

My echoes resound in empty space 

My soul begins to glow

I reach the powdered summit 

My mind now crystal clear

It's never the journey taken... 

It's relinquishing all you fear!

Don't Give Up!

Pss.4:1 “Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer.”

So many mornings I rise from bed forgetting I’m disabled and I stumble out of the bedroom door almost tripping over my sleeping dog. When my eyes fully open and the pain kisses me good morning, I remember I’m disabled and go over what it means to me on that given day.

I could return to the bedroom, plop down on the bed and pull the covers over my head but I won’t allow myself to get to that place where I don’t want to face the day. I’m not giving up that easy. I don’t know if it is right or wrong but I start to think of the people who have it so much worse than me.

There are people who wake up and need assistance getting up. There are people who need an aid with them twenty-four hours a day. What I’m saying is that there are people much worse off than me and here I am dealing, okay?

I’m here to tell you, DON’T GIVE UP! There is always, someone somewhere out there dealing with a life that is much worse than the one you’re dealing with. Often it doesn’t feel like there could be anyone or anything out there in the world with a situation or health problem worse than yours but really look around you, intently digging for someone who is a little worse off, or extremely worse off. 

It can be as extreme as the homeless man living under the bridge in a cardboard box with sores crawling up his body that needs medical attention but is not getting the help he needs. It could be the single lady down the street with a full-time job, and five kids who doesn’t have enough food to feed the family and no husband/father around to assist. It could also be someone as simple as the man raging passed you on the road, eager to leave you in his dust, that is worse off than you. 

When we’re off climbing our own mountain, struggling with each step, we rarely look around us to take note of who might have it worse off than us. Imagine climbing a mountain in a wheelchair. You might see it as impossible to do any climbing but to the person in a wheelchair, they’re climbing mountains on a daily basis that you or I might have thought impossible. 

It’s all in perception. We live in a world where everyone is always thinking about themselves and how bad it is for them. From a selfish perspective, they are worse off than ANYONE they look at when in reality, there is always someone struggling just a little bit harder than you.

About a month ago, my mother-in-law unintentionally hurt my feelings. I had said how uneasy I felt with my husband and son off at work and I’m alone to do ALL of the chores (in my disabled capacity) especially mowing the lawn. “Well, I mow my own lawn.” Yes she knows of my inability to walk well and yes she knows my age but she was comparing me to her, an almost 70-year-old. 

It hurt only in the fact that I sat envious for a moment. Like when hubby and I went to WalMart and I sat in the car under a shade tree. I watched as older women unloaded their groceries from the cart into their vehicle. I sat with tears welling in my eyes; I sat with a tissue in hand pacifying the tears and pitying myself. 

After getting over myself I fought! I fought tooth and nail not to see myself as a weak individual! Sure the immense ninety-degree heat would hinder my outside chores but I would not allow anything to hinder my inside chores! I can write, vacuum, wash clothes, cook, clean; I can do a lot of stuff others only wish they could do and instead of pity, they have my empathy. I totally relate to all you can and cannot do on a new level.

Instead of resentment of the older folk doing more than me, I now felt contentedness in knowing that God is taking care of them and has enabled them to do and live as long as they have. They’re out there overcoming the mountain and it filled me with delight. Just so you know, God is taking care of me too, just in a different way and I’m okay with that. 

I remember years ago when I had to take care of my grandmother after she had a stroke. She was wheelchair bound and full of negativity and actually resented me for my peppiness and positive view on life. Here I was full of life and she felt her over active lifestyle was taken away at too young an age, she was eighty when she had her stroke, and she gave up trying almost immediately after being released from the Physical Therapy Hospital she had been placed.

Years later while on her deathbed when I called to speak to her, (I was in Texas, a million miles away it seemed) she asked for my forgiveness in the way she had treated me when I cared for her. She was remorseful and she let me know that she loved me but she was now afraid to die. Her not having a religious bone in her body, I assured her that God would take care of her and I felt with every fiber of my being, that He would/did! 
“How do you know?” she asked. 
“He doesn’t give up on anyone!” I assured her.

I felt confident in saying that God doesn’t give up because it is my faith to believe. If you don’t give up, God surely won’t give up on you in your desperate time of need. In self-pity, in selfish envy, in pride and shame, He doesn’t give up, nor should YOU!

Matt. 18:33 “Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellow servant, even as I had pity on thee?”

CRASH!

Those were the days

circa 2004

Isa. 63:9 “In all their affliction he was afflicted, and the angel of his presence saved them: in his love and in his pity he redeemed them; and he bare them, and carried them all the days of old.”

Living with a disability is like a car crash. At the scene, you’re taken to the hospital and released after being checked over but sometimes you have to live with a new unexpected disability. People today take for granted waking each day and going on with their normal routine. They brew their coffee, take a shower and sit at their desk all without incident.

As I was writing this, this morning before clicking save on my document, it crashed! Microsoft is looking into the issue is what became displayed on my screen instead of the words I had just written. Gone, the document was lost never to be retrieved. That’s what happened to me when I became one of the chronic illness survivors, I lost something never to be returned.

A person with a disability does not have the same advantage as everyone else when they wake in the morning. Most wake with the routine of taking meds; coffee isn’t their first priority upon awakening. Getting out of bed without wincing in pain is a triumphant beginning of any day.

Here’s a loose synopsis of what it’s like having a disability: Imagine waking up and your computer is gone, fried, crashed. The computer was your life, your news, your accustomed way of living and your window to the outside world. You can live without the piece of equipment but now you’ll have to find ways around living without it in your life; you’d make a trip to the library until you realize it’s raining monsoon like rain so you say oh maybe tomorrow. 

Plans being thwarted become your new norm. Sure you can walk in the rain, some like walking in the rain, but the wind cutting raindrops into your skin you did not bargain for. You make plans to get around without your computer but when someone asks for an email address (asks for more info on your disability) and you say, “I don’t have a computer,” they look at you like you’re a Neanderthal.

“Do you have a smart phone?”  THEY have a smartphone. That’s like asking if your disability is the same as theirs?

“Yes, I have a phone.” Yes, I have a disability.

“Well go online from there.” 

“Um, I don’t have THAT kind of phone.” My disability is not the same as yours.

Again, the Neanderthal look that I’m getting used to seeing. I feel like they’re saying (but they’re not) “My disability is worse (better, medicated, easier) than yours.” 

I feel like saying, ‘do you take medication for your pain’ and when they respond with a loud YES, I couldn’t make it through a day without them, then I’d reply, well I don’t take meds, I live with my pain without medication. Then I’d stick out my tongue for good measure. Just kidding, I use humor to squelch most of my pain. 

Go to a doctor, get some medication, get a diagnosis. Really? So in other words, buy a new computer? Sometimes not everyone has the capability of buying a new web source. I know I have no way of buying a new body!

You’ll make plans to go to the library because you know they have a computer you can use but when you arrive the librarian announces, sorry but the internet is down for the day. That’s like affording a doctor visit only to be told the medication is an astronomical monthly, rest of your life, fee!

While the non-computer is a loose analogy and living without the computer would steer you into a new routine, that is what people with sudden chronic illnesses are forced into, a new routine that they had no plans for. Sure we’d all make different plans if we KNEW we were going to be disabled but plans are often made just to be broken. 

Maybe God is tired of the ordinary. Maybe He wants to shake up the world and see how people react, to see what kind of new familiarity we’d fall into, to see what kind of plans we’d make. Something was taken away from me and my fellow disabled friends, a normal take-for-granted-routine. 

I, and I imagine others, are no longer setting a methodical plan. We just wake and are happy to be alive. Meds or no meds, we get by another day trudging through the slime that impedes our pathway. We’re stronger and more resilient with what we generally go through on a daily basis.

So when I wake up with the intention of going outside to mow the lawn, I have to first survive getting out of bed. When I succeed I give the old fist pump and say YES! under my breath. Now, onto making a pot of coffee! Success, YES! Now onto making it into the shower without any incidences. Yes! Now the weather; is it cool enough for my back to be able to withstand an hour of mowing an enormous lawn? Yes! Will I suffer because of the challenge I overcame to get from point A to point B? I most certainly will but then I remember who is going to comfort me when the day is done. 

Pss. 72:3 “The mountains shall bring peace to the people, and the little hills, by righteousness.”

People take for granted the waking, the making of the coffee, the hopping in the shower, simply putting their clothes on one leg or arm at a time, when for people with disabilities, it’s a chore, a long drawn out painful obstacle.

When God places a challenge in front of you ie: heart attack, breast cancer, any illness or disability, the reason I feel it is there is for you to share with others HOW you overcame the unseen hindrance. The illness isn’t for you to hide and be ashamed of, that’s not doing any service for God it’s being selfish and thinking of only you. No, God wants you to rejoice in His saving grace. Each day is a hurdle that you’ve overcome, shout to the world a resounding YES! I made it another day! 

Prov.24:10 “If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small.”

Some people are empty of expression and to me, that is sadder than ANYTHING God tosses at me. I can live with pain, I can live with a wobble and a cane or a wheelchair, but I cannot live without my ability to express myself to the world how I’m blessed daily with overcoming my every day challenges. I can even live without a computer, my expression might reach you a little slower but only because I would be forced to take another route in seeing you receive my message. I can't live without my body.

If you’re in a bored ho-hum daily routine, actively seek to make a change, a simple change or a major one; either way if you do nothing, God will see to it you taste, touch, feel, hear, SEE His presence; even if you don’t acknowledge that it was Him. Eventually, you will crash. What will YOU do with a mountain in YOUR way?

Jer. 16:21 “Therefore, behold, I will this once cause them to know, I will cause them to know mine hand and my might; and they shall know that my name is The LORD.”

Soul Ascent

Pss. 11: 1 In the LORD put I my trust: How say ye to my soul, Flee as a bird to your mountain?

Soul Ascent

I peered up at the towering mount,
That glistened from the snow.
Would I reach that velvet cap,
That no one dared to go?

The very tip seems to drift,
In a string of pearly lace.
No end in sight for it was hid,
Upon this rocky face.

Burgeoning trees whispered still.
They called within the deep.
Nature would carry my weary legs.
If for my soul to keep.

Every aching step I took,
Impelled in me to climb.
A voice was beckoning in my head.
Transcending the sublime.

I walked on faded fury,
As the summit reared its head.
The stones were trembling underfoot,
My essence being fed.

Every time I stumbled about,
My eyes would raise to see.
The brilliance of the lemon rays,
Shining down on me.

I gasp for air my final steps,
What seems to last for miles.
My bated breath my moistened brow,
Slowly, sweeps the aisles.

I let it out a HOWLING yell!!!!
I gaze at the valley below.
My echoes resound in empty space,
My soul begins to glow.

I reach the powdered summit.
My mind now crystal clear

It's never the journey taken...
It's relinquishing all you fear!!!

The Souls Ascent

Pss. 11: 1 In the LORD put I my trust: How say ye to my soul, Flee as a bird to your mountain?

The Souls Ascent

I peered up at the towering mount
That glistened from the snow
Would I reach that velvet cap
That no one dared to go.

The very tip seems to drift
In a string of pearly lace
No end in sight for it was hid
Upon this rocky face.

Burgeoning trees whispered still
They called within the deep
Nature would carry my weary legs
If for my soul to keep.

Every aching step I took
Impelling me to climb
A voice was beckoning in my head.
Transcending the sublime

I walked on fading fury
As the summit reared its head
The stones were trembling underfoot
My essence being fed.

Every time I stumbled about
My eyes would raise to see
The brilliance of the lemon rays
Shining down on me.

I gasp for air my final steps
What seems to last for miles
My bated breath my moistened brow
Slowly, sweeps the aisles.

I let it out a HOWLING yell
I gaze at the valley below
My echoes resound in empty space
My soul begins to glow.

I reach the powdered summit
My mind now crystal clear

It's never the journey taken
It's relinquishing all you fear!

Pss. 49: 5 Wherefore should I fear in the days of evil, when the iniquity of my heels shall compass me about?

No Doubt

"Squelch the doubt with a challenge, you'll be surprised how high you climb." ~Joni

I sometimes come off as harsh, and if yesterdays post offended anyone, please accept my apologies. Anyone that knows me, knows I’m honest, to a fault. I tell it like it is and I tell the truth. It may not be YOUR truth but it is all I know to be TRUTH. And yes, the truth hurts some of the time.


A lot of times as I’m writing I have no specific person in mind, but often I’m told, “That spoke to ME!” I’m glad that in my writing, you can see yourself there. Honestly, this is more about me, finding my place, but if it speaks to you, well then, all the better.

We as writers live in self-doubt. We always doubt our work, our sincerity, our façade. What? You don’t have a façade? Come on now, be honest with yourself and you’ll feel better. A façade is like a mask. You wake in the morning, slide your foot into your slippers and shuffle off to make coffee, making plans in your head of what needs to be done for the day.

You put your face on as you listen to the computer hum to life. “I’m feeling good about this today.” You say to yourself, “I’m going to write.” Then it happens, the façade slips over your face, you head somewhere you have no intention of writing and spend your day, wallowing in self-absorption for hours on end and then wonder, “Hey, where did the time go?”

No writing was accomplished and that was truly your intention when you slid in the chair in the morning, but by now it is afternoon, and you have so much more of life to take care of, like washing clothes, cleaning, the mundane chores. Then when it is time to slide into bed, there it hits you, the self- doubt. “This just isn’t for me” you say, “I’m no good.” Blah blah blah.

To get over this hurdle of self- doubt, you need to prioritize your time! Sometimes we have every intention of coming in and writing but we’re sidetracked, not because we found something more interesting but because we’re really trying to subdue our intent. We intend to write, but we’re not forced to do it, so we don’t.

Make writing a priority. To do this, open word document instead of the Internet. I, a lot of the time, get lost in my email and reading today’s Top Stories, then I need to share what I’ve read and then it’s gone, the precious moments of the morning in which I choose to write.

Note to self:

1. Prioritize – If you are really serious about being a writer, you must make it a precedent and force yourself to ignore emails, facebook, Top News.

2. Mantra – Adopt a mantra that you’ll repeat over and over again. “I’m going to write!” or “I can do it, I know I can.”

3. Set goals – This is important too as you don’t want to start off like the Hare in the Turtle and the Hare race. We all know what happens there don’t we? “I’ll start off with 500 words a day, and raise it when I’m comfortable.”

4. DON’T GET DISCOURAGED – This is easier said than done. Sometimes we see we’re not getting anywhere, so we give up. If you hit this block in the road, it is important to find an avenue you’re comfortable with. Find a site that offers prompts, copy many of them down, and get off the internet to WRITE!

5. Turn off the voices – You know we all have them, that’s where self-doubt rings in our ears. If they become too insistent, play music. It sometimes distracts you from the voices, puts you in a zone to write.

6. Determination – Be determined in your writing. Determined to accomplish a great feat. Determined to alter the negative voices into positive inspiration that will feed you on your journey.

Now get writing. Stare at the blank page as if it were a conquerable mountain that you dare to climb. Dare yourself to go there and write as if it is a challenge that you’re going to tackle head on. Our voices don’t like challenges, because that is where self-doubt is born.

I can’t encourage you every single day to write your heart out. I can’t hold your hand and walk you through this but I can offer you a positive, uplifting voice, that you’ll never hear, only read. It is now up to you to go forward with NO DOUBT.

The Drama of it all...part II

You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you. ~Ray Bradbury
***

As if one drama post wasn’t enough...I had to go and write two? Well you know...I have a tendency to over dramatize. If they had a crown for drama queens I think I would win the crown hands down. But know that my dramatics are usually my truth in a situation as to the way *I* see it unfold.
 

I can not take anything lightly by no means. If I see a picture, I want to write. I dramatically unfold the scene for you, word by word. You yourself climb into the picture and become one with the world in which is presented to you. When I stop writing I jump into my reality, which is no picture postcard let me tell you. And you wake up out of the daydream saying, wow!
 

If I see a kitty, run across the road, I scream out, “Did you see that mountain lion?”My son will laugh and say, “Mom that was a very fat tabby cat.” “But it was huge!” I go on and then I come home and tell anyone within earshot that this huge fat cat almost made me swerve and hit a tree, so as to avoid splattering all his innards over the road. Again, over dramatizing a mere avoidance of hitting a cat.
 

I can take a molehill (I have them out in my backyard so I do know what they look like) and turn it into... have you ever seen a molehill? Well I ventured out in my backyard and the silky sand mound was splat right in my face, it had grown overnight. I put on my hiking shoes and as I started to climb, I slid all the way down because this molehill was made out of sand, not rock like I normally expect to see.
 

There it was...the molehill that turned into a mountain! Now do you see what I mean? I can make a mountain out of a molehill. This is what needs to come alive in your stories. You need to give your character that thorn that will prick her/his finger and draw blood.
When you have a character that is bland, your story that you’ve built around her/him will surely be bland. You have to set a mountain on fire and have your character strive to walk through the fire!
 

If he is blind, have him fight for his sight! If he was born with no arms, have him go for the Guinness Book of World Records for archery. If it is a fish with no fin, have a character create a prosthetic tail. The world is limitless. Don’t just sit there and see the world through one window, grab hold of it and build yourself a house with MANY windows. Windows that look out onto mountains, or fields or a lake or stream.
 

Remember YOU are the writer. You are the creator. Your power with words is what is going to make or break you. The ones who fall, are the ones who cling to the old. The ones who soar, are the ones who decide to move on and FLY....

In a rut...

Matt. 17: 20 And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.
***

Ever hit one of those bumps in the road where your writing takes a back seat to your reality? I’ve hit one of those. I want to write but the rut is keeping me from doing so.

With dental visits for my beau, an impending eye doctor’s visit in Omaha, the tension that the Lion’s Club is putting us through, Adam being bullied at school, all of these instances in my reality is keeping me from writing anything with substance.

I was going to say writing is like a river, it just flows on and reaches no end. That isn’t necessarily true. It flows but then sometimes it finds itself washed up on the beach sinking into the sand absorbed or evaporated. What’s up with that?

Maybe writing is like a pool. You know, a pool that sits there and awaits a refill upon evaporation? You need to keep refilling to get any pleasure out of the fullness of the pool, right?

Then there is the analogy, writing is like a tree, it grows and blossoms each year with new life and fervor, only hindered by say, a wildfire?

These are not good metaphors. Maybe it’s just a peek of negative things that have been going on that are trying to weedle its way into my writing. I’m always a positive thinker so I know this is just what it is, a rut. The jagged little ugliness that wants to hinder my life when all I really need to do is pull out a shovel and bury the pebble in the road. And a little pebble is all that it is.

Did you ever notice that these little pebbles can really hurt when tread upon? It’s not like a boulder, hindering my path. This is a daggum pebble that I will toss in that river and watch it make ripples for a ways out. Flee you pebble! Get out of my life and give me back my sanity!

The Lion’s Club, who said they’d pay for my beau’s operation to see again, has now backed out. The Lion Lady is going to approach a different chapter and ask them to help. Why is it so hard for compassion to overflow so one man can see again? Pebbles are not only in MY path, they seem to be making their way across the paths of many, hindering them in the way that they want or need to go.

When God said that we have the power within us to move a mountain, I have to say, I feel like a living breathing testimony to that fact. Every mountain that stands in my way, I tell it to MOVE and other opportunities open up before me. Not just me, this isn’t a me factor, this is for EVERYONE!

So dip into the pool of words and pull out your sword and breastplate and armor yourself for a battle like no other. And when you need to get out of a rut, you stand firm in your belief that this pebble,  this mountain will move out of your way, and it will be so. All in God’s time! Remember that. This isn’t about our plans, this is about God’s plan and HIS time!

Even in my rut I produced five hundred and some words! Hmm... the mountain has moved. *deep sigh*

POETRY SUNDAY

The Soul’s Ascent

I peered up at the towering mount’,

that glistened from the snow.

Would I reach that velvet cap,

that no one dared to go?

The very tip seems to drift,

In a string of pearly lace.

No end in sight for it was hid,

upon this rocky face.

Burgeoning trees whispered still.

They called within the deep.

Nature would carry my weary legs.

If for, my soul to keep.

Every aching step I took,

impelled in me to climb.

A voice it beckoned in my head.

Transcending the sublime.

I walked with fading fury,

the summit reared its head.

the stones were trembling underfoot,

my essence being fed.

Every time I stumbled about,

my eyes would raise to see,

the brilliance of the lemon rays,

Shining down on me.

I gasped for air, my final steps,

what seemed to last for miles.

My bated breath, my moistened brow,

absorbing all the trials.

I let it out; a HOWLING yell!

I gaze at the valley below.

Echoes resound in empty space,

my soul begins to glow.

I reach the powdered summit.

My mind now crystal clear.

It's never the journey taken...

It's relinquishing all you fear!

copyright © joni zipp