The Story Begins - ER visit One

2 Cor.12:9 "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

ER visit One...

The first ER visit was the one that got the pebble rolling wherever I was being led on this path. The ride of a lifetime was sweeping me into its arms. And so the journey began. I'm not going for time consistency right now and will get back to it at the editing phase and make the timeline more clear. After the first ER visit, everything seems a fog, it was the first time in many many years that a hardcore drug entered my body, Percocet.

I couldn't breathe that night, my chest seemed to be tightening, the air in my lungs minimal and by morning, Steven accidentally missing his alarm, called for him to be at home that day and me needing to be driven to the ER. We drove to the Emergency Room entrance, pivoting to a (hospital owned) wheelchair, making it from car to hospital sign in, the formality and tagging began. This is where my birthdate would be the most uttered words over the next couple of months.

The ER2, 3, and 4 were all maddening visits in their own stage. While in ER1 I was told what the x-ray had shown. That my disease had metastasized (spread) to my liver. "Mets to the liver," he said. I didn't blink. I sat, I stared and quite honestly thought, 'and so it begins'. Don't ask me what 'it' was, I hadn't figured that part out but was assured in the deepest depths of my being, my sacred place, that I would know, and also I would know when it was time to share.

I left the hospital in tears, only a cane in my hand and my husband by my side. A blur, that is the only way I can describe it. I felt like I wanted to shelter this news in a cocoon and allow only one or two (okay, maybe three) people know that I was now Stage 4? I think that's what they call it when it has spread. Hey, some is still a blur. I'm still in my healing phase. It was at this time that I was told that I should use a walker at all times and think about getting a wheelchair. I should also make an appointment with my GP (General Practitioner) if for my pain and my inability to breath should I need medication to continue. The spot, I was told, was pressing on my lungs, making it feel like the air was being restricted. My oxygen level was 97%. 

Rolling right along I went. I made a GP appointment and thus began the struggle between illness and law. She was hesitant in prescribing Percocet 'because of the 'LAW', so she prescribed a delicate drug that did minimal assistance to my pain. Being raised in MG's placed me in the ER again, the pain too much to bear.

ER2 found me visiting by my first ever ambulance ride. Unable to breathe and a lot of pain in my lower extremities. The meds my GP gave me, obviously were not working and little did I know that the Opioid crisis running rampant across the nation would imprison medication to aid me but could be prescribed for 30 days only, then its, "SUFFER American, your illness means nothing to us, we have a drug problem here!" My illness is defined by legalities, stigmas and the good old Almighty Dollar! UNLESS you find a caring doctor.  

This doctor had NO PROBLEM prescribing my medication. I am Stage 4, what's going to happen to me, I'm going to become addicted in a couple of months or worse overdose and die? Get in line, we're all going to die some way somehow eventually and DRUGS are NOT going to take ME down! BUT I was now given a choice. I was ‘encouraged’ to go the chemo route. I was gently nudged to an Oncologist. I also sat nodding my head in utter disbelief I was going through this. I needed my son and husband. I had no idea what to do.

I think this is where I hopped on the merry-go-round for a spell. FEAR wrapped its long fingers around my neck gripping with flames of fire. Messages, mixed and otherwise were scrambling through my head. I heard them but I could not discern. Surely enough, I was on the fatal merry-go-round from a Ray Bradbury novel.

Friends and family were getting concerned, seeing that this was my second visit to the ER after all. I made the decision to see an Oncologist. Miracles were evident and prayers were being answered at this time. Some people like instantaneous answers to prayers but I AM LIVING PROOF, prayers are answered in the most minute ways. You might not see Steven missing his alarm clock as an answered prayer, but had he been at work and I, home alone? ER visit 2 brought me to a possible third oncologist looking at my disease since last year.
Think about the ramifications had God not intervened.

To be continued…

“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10 (NIV)

The Christmas Candle

John 8:12 KJV “Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.”

The Christmas Candle

We watched this movie for the first time, The Christmas Candle. The premise was quite simple everyone needed a miracle. In a small town shrouded in the folklore of the Christmas Candle, for a miracle, they were told to light the special candle and pray. Not just any candle would suffice only the Christmas Candle from the town candle maker.

I’m not going to give the entire story away but you get the idea, light a candle and pray. Don’t you wish it was that simple to just light a candle and pray for a miracle? Well quite simple enough all you have to do is pray an earnest heartfelt prayer. Meaning, not just an emoticon will suffice, not just a ‘God I need a miracle’ will do, you need a real prayer. 

After watching the movie, I cried; the tears overflowed from my compassionate understanding heart. I know where each of those people was coming from in needing a miracle and it can be quite disheartening when you pray for a miracle and don’t receive one. I’ve been there before so I know what one looks like and what not receiving a miracle looks like.

We live in self-gratifying times where millions of people need miracles. You could line the streets with people seeking a miracle in their life but I have to ask, what draws them to wanting the miracle? Are they children of Christ seeking a miracle or are they from the school where they heard of this God who dishes out miracles so why not give Him a try? 

Do you believe in miracles of your faith or have you heard of His miraculous touch and would like a piece of the pie? Some people put stock in coincidence while some build their entire life around faith in the Lord. Some ministers standing on the pulpit preach faith but when you turn to them in need of a miracle and you tell them that you’re going to put your faith in God, he tells you that is all well and good but to have a backup plan because we live in reality. That is NOT what you want to hear from a minister you trust. Where is his FAITH and trust in God?

Yes, this exact instance took place a little over nine years ago to us. I’ve written about it before. My husband was going blind and we needed a miracle. We didn’t turn to holy oils and laying on of the hands, we turned to God and prayed for a miracle. Our minister assured us that we had the best of intentions but we needed a backup plan. Needless to say, we didn’t listen to the minister. We left that particular church, sought out a church of actual believers with a spirit-filled minister and two and a half years later our miracle was given, my husband had his sight restored. 

I know you’ll say, two years, I want my miracle NOW! Well, rest assured, you will not get a miracle when you demand one! The Lord asked us to endure the trials and wait, without a doubt and a backup plan. We trusted our Lord to do HIS work and sure enough, as I had every bit of faith He would, He came through.

We had zero health insurance so we turned to our ever-trusty government. They told us that my hubby had to be blind for two years before they would help. So we waited. The wait cost him one of his eyes and so much more but to see again was nothing short of a miracle! My husband’s license was restored to him five years ago and just the other day he had to get it renewed. In government fashion, for hubby, there was no simple online renewal. Nope, he was made to take the driving test again, to see if he could still ‘see’. 

Ironically, his nighttime driving restriction was lifted but the daytime forty-mile radius wasn’t. I say ironically because he knows he can’t see at night so that restriction being lifted made no sense. He CAN, however, see during the day but the forty-mile radius of driving was not lifted. When asked about the radius restriction, the lady said we’d have to take it up with the government office seventy-five miles away. How funny!

So what it boils down to is this, if he drives outside the forty-mile radius he is breaking the law. If I want medicinal cannabis to heal from cancer, I have to break the law. The government demands we abide by the law but prevents us from abiding by placing near impossible restrictions so we have to BREAK the law. Makes a lot of sense doesn’t it? 

Back to the miracles. We live in reality so there is no demanding a miracle to happen in your life. God has governed my reality all of my life and has governed man for a millennium. He has rules also; prayer and dedication is just one rule, abide or break the law. You do have a choice!

When I was first diagnosed, I wanted a miracle right then and there to POOF my tumor away and bring me to full health. God asked me to wait and endure and sure enough, with every restriction, with every family get-together, every trip to the grocery store, I am enduring beyond belief. I’m forty pounds lighter and healthier than I’ve been all of my life. My miracle is happening as I write. My Lord is faithful! Maybe I’m the candle you all need to see this Christmas season as you painstakingly endure the wait for your own miracle. I will not be lighting a candle to pray for my own miracle, I will be praying for all of you, He already knows who you are that is in need of one. I already have my miracle! 

All glory and praise to God!

Acts 4:22 “For the man was above forty years old, on whom this miracle of healing was shewed.”

What is a Christian

John 3: 3 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.

To me a Christian is someone who strives to be Christ like. Not to be perfect LIKE Christ was but to be Christ like in every word, in every action, in every breath of air. Anyone can say they believe in Christ but that does not make you a Christian, it makes you a believer.

Anyone can sling scripture around like it’s today’s top news, anyone can say the words I’m praying for you, but to be like Christ, you have to LIVE the scripture that you’re spewing. You have to get on bended knee when someone needs prayer. You can’t just claim to be a Christian because you believe you’re a Christian.

Did you know a Christian can spot a Christian from where they stand? How? By their actions. Christians have a light inside them that is emitted in everything they do. You won’t see a Christian spewing hate for any other human being because Scripture tells us to love our enemy. Do you hate the world? Pray for it! Do you hate the state of affairs? Pray for it. Do you hate, hate, hate? Pray for understanding. God does not dwell in the land of hatred. The things or people we might dislike would never be a public showing of hatred for a person, instead we will sit in prayer on bended knee asking God to show us where and how we can change that anger and ill will into understanding.

Being a Christian is hard work. It isn’t a statement you make to make others think you’re a walker of the Word. You cannot just say, “I’m a Christian” and think for one moment other Christians are going to SEE you as a Christian. They see you spewing hate, they’re going to assume you’re a believer, NOT a Christian.

When I see a believer pretending to be a Christian, it offends me, my faith and all I hold dear to my heart. I won’t finger point or judge but I begin praying for that lost soul. They need the understanding of the term Christian before they tout that they ARE a Christian.

The believers remind me very much of Atheist trying to strongly promote their beliefs but take no actions to what they are saying. Atheist profess there is no God, they spew without knowing if there is any proof. The believer believes in God but that’s as far as it goes. Their actions do not show them to be Christians, they are shown to be a believer.

I grew up in a Catholic household; again just a name to define us in some way. We never attended church; we never prayed as a family, we were Catholic in name only. At the age of fourteen I converted to Christianity. I became a born again Christian meaning I was now serving the Lord in all I did. Through being born again I was now seeing and feeling with new eyes.

1 Peter 1: 23 Being born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the word of God, which liveth and abideth for ever.

When you become born again, you see God in an entirely different light. He places on your heart the truth, the law, the beauty in living life as a Christian. You now see the world through Christ’s eyes. Hatred for others not like you slowly becomes non-existent. You become the very energy of love that God passes through you and you then share it with the world.

Do Christians hate the Jewish for not believing in Christ? Do we hate Atheists? Do we hate Muslims? In a resounding bellowing echo, Christians around the world say, NO!

Do we like that the Muslims are killing Christians? No, but having the love of God and seeing through Christ’s eyes, we see the plan God has laid out. We SEE that this is His doing. The Muslims are bringing CHRISTIANS to HIM!

Atheists don’t see through God’s eyes, that is why no amount of proof will cause them to see Him. Christians don’t need proof because God is a living fountain of truth inside them. They see as He sees.

WWJD? Ask yourself this right before you start to spew hate. What would Jesus do? Would He hate this, would He hate that? Again, the answer is Jesus knows no hate. He is the embodiment of love and if you turn that hatred you feel into love you will slowly begin to know and understand just what Jesus would do.

To be born again, you will be renewed in Christ. You will then become what a true Christian is, Christ-like, a person who walks in the Spirit.

Gal. 5: 16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
[17] For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
[18] But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
[19] Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
[20] Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,

[22] But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
[23] Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

[24] And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
[25] If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

S-E-X

2 Cor. 4:4 In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.
***

Those three letters, S-E-X, garner a click. Why is this society today so awestruck by the word sex?

I do not read books for the sex factor. Whenever I come across a sex scene, I skip right over it, or put the book down. I read for story, character and plot. I write for these same reasons.

I don’t read romance novels, never have, never will. I’ve stood at the book shelf in the library and read a few words from one and immediately got turned off because erotica is not my cup of tea. I know these books are successful and women love to dive into the romantic thriller to grab hold of the imaginative magnet that will transport them to some fantasy field where they can let go of their reality.

We women crave romance on many levels and reading romance carries you to that place that releases you from your inhibitions here in reality, and slides you into a portal of imaginative sextasy. Yeah that’s my word for it.

I think if you’re a good writer, you can pull off a romantic interlude without ever going that extra route and letting the reader have to read how much juice was spilled in the tryst. I mean really. He can take her in his arms, feel the sweat drizzle down her body, pant like two animals but c-u-t. Leave something to the imagination. Don’t take your reader, tongue-lock for neck-lick down the path to a climactic release.

In all my years, I’ve only come across this type of writing maybe five times. I won’t give the author or book because if I know you, you’d run out and read the book and say, oh it wasn’t that bad. No it wasn’t. You’re right! BUT was that scene necessary in the story plot? Was it an essential turning point for the characters? No! It was a sex scene with all its bells and whistles, that made me not like the book or ever really care to read it again.

To each his own, I always say, and to me, a sextasy scene can ruin a book. If you’re a writer, then know your reader and respect their limits. Don’t feed them steak when all they really wanted from you was a meatloaf and some mashed potatoes. If I want steak, I’ll read a romance novel. If I want the crème brûlée, I’ll go to the x-rated magazines for my jollies. I know my limits!

Because I am a Christian, I mind the Laws of the Lord. And He knows what goes in, has a lasting impression on the mind.

Romans 8:5 says: For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit.

 

Romans 12:2  says: And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

He does care what we read and what we write. Don’t put your carnal spin on God’s words.