The Story Continues: A Ray of Light

Ezek. 37:1 “The hand of the Lord was upon me, and carried me out in the spirit of the Lord, and set me down in the midst of the valley which was full of bones,”

A Ray of Light

Darkness had fallen upon the nursing home after my husband and son left, when from around the curtain to my left rolled in a woman. 

“Whatcha doin? My name ith Ray, I’m your roommate.”
“Hi Ray, nice to meet you.”
“What time do you go to thleep?” she said in her lispy voice.
“About nine.”
“Me too. Do you like it dark?”
“Yes, I don’t mind the dark,” I said with a smile.
“I like the curtainth clothed, do you?”

Ray was a bit older than me at sixty-three but had the mind of a child. I’ll say a fifteen-year-old because she did have some intelligence as I got to know her over the next ten days. She too was immobile and needed a mechanical lift to get her in and out of bed. She had bulging blue eyes and the electric smile of innocence. Her gray hair was manly, tight and straight but well kept. She told me over and over how she loved purple and everything purple as she pointed to her pajamas. She would be one of the elements of light that God shined down on me. 

The first night I was there my dinner came at seven-thirty. To me, it was almost time for bed but I was hungry. I had not eaten since lunchtime (twelve o’clock) that day. I think my first meal was Salisbury steak with a biscuit and mashed potatoes and a small glass of water. Water, water was scarce for the next couple of days.

I brought with me a big thirty-two-ounce cup of water from the hospital. The hospital gives them to patients and well since I was so toxic, it isn’t like the cup could be reused. I took little sips because I did not look forward to peeing in this place. I could not yet put the dinner tray over both of my legs, so it was at an awkward slant over my right leg. The trauma of anything touching my wounded leg scared me to bits. I didn’t cover it in a blanket because the slightest brush of anything left me with a tinge of pain. 

My medication was due at seven and had not yet arrived and at eight-thirty when Ray pushed the button for the nurse, I asked when I would be receiving my meds. The young nurse said the ‘pill tray’ was on its way down the hall. I asked if she could help me to the commode after she was done with Ray and she said yes, finishing up placing Ray in bed with the ‘lift’, she said, “I’ll be right back in a minute.” And she left the room. 

She came back to the room at nine-fifteen with another young nurse and they were both wearing yellow protective coverings and gloves, in one hand was a gait belt. The gait belt was placed around my waist and it was used to help lift my tiny eight-eight pound body. One nurse to my right and one to my left hand, both had hands gripped on my pained hips in a two-foot space, they lifted. I always counted so we could be in sync. One, two, three, lift, small grunt, and pivot. Imagine three women in a two-foot space trying to pivot. The gait belt was a necessity so as to avoid liability in anything breaking.

“Please, hold the belt until I’m completely seated. This is how my left femur became broken, a sloppy seating on the commode.” Tears began running down my cheek as the tragic incident flooded my mind. Embarrassment, pain, vanity, all danced around in my head as I was gently seated. They removed their gowns and left the room for me to urinate. I was pushing the nurses' call button as fifteen minutes on the commode was leaving my limbs numb. They returned, put on a new set of yellow gowns and gloves, and lifted me, pivot, and I sat on my bed and was ready to just sleep. I jokingly thanked them for the dance. It was my sense of humor and personality that kept these young ladies smiling as they took care of me for the next week.

Curtains were drawn lights out. I cried quietly because I honestly was afraid to be alone. My husband had spent the ten days at the hospital with me and this place barely had sitting room for my two guests. I was alone, except for my prayers and my roommate, Ray.

“You okay?” I hear in the darkness, it was Ray.
“Yeah Ray, I’m just lonely.”
“I get like that thumbtime. Itth okay to cry. What time do you get up?”
“About five for me.”
“Yeah, me too. I go to dialithith.” I drifted off a little as she continued talking, ever so lightly, but it was comforting in the darkness. “Okay, goodnight.”
I opened my eyes a second and whispered, “Goodnight, Ray.”

I was startled awake at about one o'clock as the bright lights came on and Ray was being tended to. I called out, “Can someone get my pain meds for me and I need to pee, too.” 
“Sure Joni, let us take care of Ray first okay?” 
Okay, thank you.” 
She went and got another nurse after calling down for pain meds for me. They gowned and gloved up and came around the curtain to help me. 

I was on twelve-hour oxysomething but allowed ‘2 booster pills’ for pain if needed. And being startled awake and moved around, I certainly needed the pain medication still at this juncture of healing. It had only been eleven days since surgery. The pill lady was a different nurse, she was called the ‘charge nurse’, I guess because she was in charge of the pills? Maybe the nurses too, I don’t know. She took my vitals while she was there at two o'clock so she didn’t need to wake me at three to do it all over again. Everything normal (except me) and with a ‘I hope you sleep well’ after shutting the lights off and closing the door, she was out of the room.

“That feelth better,” I hear Ray say on the other side of the curtain.
“Yeah, it sure does,” I whispered.
“Okay, goodnight.” 
“Goodnight Ray”

Jer. 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”

The Story Begins - ER visit One

2 Cor.12:9 "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

ER visit One...

The first ER visit was the one that got the pebble rolling wherever I was being led on this path. The ride of a lifetime was sweeping me into its arms. And so the journey began. I'm not going for time consistency right now and will get back to it at the editing phase and make the timeline more clear. After the first ER visit, everything seems a fog, it was the first time in many many years that a hardcore drug entered my body, Percocet.

I couldn't breathe that night, my chest seemed to be tightening, the air in my lungs minimal and by morning, Steven accidentally missing his alarm, called for him to be at home that day and me needing to be driven to the ER. We drove to the Emergency Room entrance, pivoting to a (hospital owned) wheelchair, making it from car to hospital sign in, the formality and tagging began. This is where my birthdate would be the most uttered words over the next couple of months.

The ER2, 3, and 4 were all maddening visits in their own stage. While in ER1 I was told what the x-ray had shown. That my disease had metastasized (spread) to my liver. "Mets to the liver," he said. I didn't blink. I sat, I stared and quite honestly thought, 'and so it begins'. Don't ask me what 'it' was, I hadn't figured that part out but was assured in the deepest depths of my being, my sacred place, that I would know, and also I would know when it was time to share.

I left the hospital in tears, only a cane in my hand and my husband by my side. A blur, that is the only way I can describe it. I felt like I wanted to shelter this news in a cocoon and allow only one or two (okay, maybe three) people know that I was now Stage 4? I think that's what they call it when it has spread. Hey, some is still a blur. I'm still in my healing phase. It was at this time that I was told that I should use a walker at all times and think about getting a wheelchair. I should also make an appointment with my GP (General Practitioner) if for my pain and my inability to breath should I need medication to continue. The spot, I was told, was pressing on my lungs, making it feel like the air was being restricted. My oxygen level was 97%. 

Rolling right along I went. I made a GP appointment and thus began the struggle between illness and law. She was hesitant in prescribing Percocet 'because of the 'LAW', so she prescribed a delicate drug that did minimal assistance to my pain. Being raised in MG's placed me in the ER again, the pain too much to bear.

ER2 found me visiting by my first ever ambulance ride. Unable to breathe and a lot of pain in my lower extremities. The meds my GP gave me, obviously were not working and little did I know that the Opioid crisis running rampant across the nation would imprison medication to aid me but could be prescribed for 30 days only, then its, "SUFFER American, your illness means nothing to us, we have a drug problem here!" My illness is defined by legalities, stigmas and the good old Almighty Dollar! UNLESS you find a caring doctor.  

This doctor had NO PROBLEM prescribing my medication. I am Stage 4, what's going to happen to me, I'm going to become addicted in a couple of months or worse overdose and die? Get in line, we're all going to die some way somehow eventually and DRUGS are NOT going to take ME down! BUT I was now given a choice. I was ‘encouraged’ to go the chemo route. I was gently nudged to an Oncologist. I also sat nodding my head in utter disbelief I was going through this. I needed my son and husband. I had no idea what to do.

I think this is where I hopped on the merry-go-round for a spell. FEAR wrapped its long fingers around my neck gripping with flames of fire. Messages, mixed and otherwise were scrambling through my head. I heard them but I could not discern. Surely enough, I was on the fatal merry-go-round from a Ray Bradbury novel.

Friends and family were getting concerned, seeing that this was my second visit to the ER after all. I made the decision to see an Oncologist. Miracles were evident and prayers were being answered at this time. Some people like instantaneous answers to prayers but I AM LIVING PROOF, prayers are answered in the most minute ways. You might not see Steven missing his alarm clock as an answered prayer, but had he been at work and I, home alone? ER visit 2 brought me to a possible third oncologist looking at my disease since last year.
Think about the ramifications had God not intervened.

To be continued…

“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10 (NIV)

Here's To Your Health

Prov. 16:24 “Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.”

I’m going to start with a disclaimer. I am directing this post to an overweight society as a whole, no one person in particular. If you are over sensitive about your weight, then please spare yourself any pain and read no further. If you want to read to learn about bettering your health then read on. 

I would also like to say that I have many members of my family struggling with weight issues, aunts, uncles cousins, nephews, nieces, you name it, but in all honesty, my immediate family doesn’t have a problem (ie: mother, father, brothers). My sister at one time felt overweight after giving birth to six children and has since licked that issue. 

So why the post? Because as all my posts talk about a world that is dying I can visually look around and see why the people are so over medicated and overweight. I am not speaking to those who take medication that leads you to gain weight. I’m speaking to people who don’t care about their weight, because of the ‘we only live once’ mentality so die happily eating the fatty grease burger, smothered in bacon, cheese and mayo. 

What really started me on wanting to write this post was a meme that I’ve seen posted by too many of my friends and family! It really had me thinking about the world and the struggle it takes to take care of ones healthy eating. 

The meme read:
30 day Challenge
No chips
No potatoes
No ice cream
No fast food
No fried food
No chocolate
No white breads
No soda or juice
No cookies
No candy
Could you do it? For your health could you do it?

Not being overweight, I didn’t see where the challenge was but I imagine for an overweight society, this is a challenge that none would be willing to take. My parents were never overweight but they drank beer which gave them a few extra pounds and only when they quit drinking (for health reasons, they were forced to quit drinking and smoking) and any extra pounds they had melted off like butter on a Texas sidewalk. 

But I can see where giving up beer would be a challenge for people who love their booze so why wasn’t THAT on the challenge list? Why is the list so general? Why didn’t it say no sugar or no cholesterol, no beer? I’m thinking the list was targeted at today’s kids who need junk (unhealthy) food to get through a day of life!

To me personally, I think it is a health choice. People become overweight because of unhealthy choices (unless they have medical obesity). Again, I’m not referring to people who are overweight because of medications they take. Childhood obesity is on the rise mainly because kids stopped playing outside, riding bikes, or skating. Everything is done inside behind a screen and if you’re a parent who is overweight sitting behind a screen, you’re teaching your child that it is okay to be unhealthy and overweight. What are we teaching our kids?

Are we teaching our kids about the health concerns overweight people face? Like I said, my mother wasn’t overweight but she did develop type2 diabetes. She had an addiction to Whitman’s chocolate and a need to add at least fifteen shakes of salt from the salt shaker to all of her food. My mother never taught me about health I had to learn on my own but from my own experience in my family, I NEVER wanted to be overweight. So I watched what I ate, ate in moderation, exercised (not fanatically) and watched what I drank. 

People wonder why I don’t like chocolate, let it rot your teeth, let it place unnecessary pounds around your belt-line, let it cause you diabetes, no thank you, my preference is to not eat unhealthily. Hard lessons were enough for me to learn how not to love chocolate. I developed a dislike for it at a very young age, I’d say about 15 is when I started to become health conscious. 

I remember making Chicken noodle soup for the very first time and I gave my mother some. (She had given me the recipe but I withheld the salt.) She couldn’t get over how good it was and asked me what I did differently, I told her, no salt added. She was shocked. It didn’t curb her love of salt but a stroke in later years curbed that unhealthy intake real quick.

Have you noticed the rise in lactose intolerance? Gluten intolerance? From Scientific American: “Gluten is the primary protein component of wheat – it is what gives breads their delicious chewy texture. The only known cure for celiac disease is complete elimination of gluten from the diet – so no pizza, bagels, pasta, pancakes, waffles, doughnuts, cookies, soy sauce (it has wheat in it), licorice (ditto) … you get the idea. Even communion wafers are verboten.”

What I want you to GAIN from reading this post is that HEALTH matters! Nutrients matter! Vitamins matter! Taking care of yourself NOW matters before it is too late. Yes, there is a time when it is too late. My overweight aunt got cancer and lost weight until she died. My dad who had heart disease and wasn’t overweight just didn’t take care of himself and died of COPD. I want my son, my nieces and nephews and their children to live a long life so they NEED to take care of themselves NOW before it becomes too late. And no, never having the problem I more than likely don’t understand.

Another honest moment of why I’m writing this post. Last week I went to facebook and almost every single post the people were in pain, their meds weren’t working, were not arriving on time or the pain was too much to bear and here I was fighting my simple arthritic back pain feeling on top of the world. 

I draw concern on my friends fighting ailments. Why was I feeling so good? It just shouldn’t be so. Here I am taking the only thing I know that has helped me and that’s B12 Stress Complex (purchased at my local WalMart) and not very expensive, and B12 tablets. My fear rises when I think of going to the doctor and being diagnosed with MS or worse, cancer, so I try and take care of my weight and my health now before I NEED the medication to keep me alive.

If you say to me… ‘Well you haven’t had this, or that, or the other thing’, let me tell you, I’ve fought drug addiction, alcoholism, anxiety disorder, low self esteem, stress along with PTSD, I’ve lost two children and still to this day suffer with ailments but all without prescribed medication. I will find any herb, any vitamin or nutrient I’m lacking and I will holistically heal myself. It is what has worked for me for well over thirty years.

Now some people might ask why I don’t see the challenge above as a challenge? I’ll tell you why. Moderation that’s why!

30 day Challenge
No chips – I eat chips. Not every day and an entire bag!
No potatoes – I love potatoes. In moderation!
No ice cream – Ice Cream is a treat not a pig-out FOOD! And definitely not a stress reducer.
No fast food – Maybe once a month. I always choose the healthy menu meal. (fish or chicken) 
No fried food – I love fried food but I prefer baked or in my slow cooker. I always drain fat!
No chocolate – not a big fan of chocolate, too much as a kid pretty much deters any liking of binge eating of chocolate.
No white breads – I eat in moderation, so I’m ALLOWED to eat breads and pastas!
No soda or juice – I have one soda a day. (not fat free or diet)
No cookies – Chocolate chip are my fave! I might have one or two…or  three!
No candy – RARELY! Three times a year! (Easter, Halloween, Christmas)

Could you do it? For your health could you do it? I do do it...for my HEALTH

I just want to add that I rarely eat cakes and pies, sure they’re good once a year but every night? Once a week? No, no, no, not for me. My son is always telling me that I eat like a bird. Well hey, maybe them birds are onto something. I never glance out my window and see an overweight bird fly into a window now, do you?

I also drink about a gallon of water a day, maybe more (in winter too). I don’t drink booze, I drink Green Tea. We have an iced tea maker and I make a gallon of green tea (3-4 tea bags) and refrigerate it and heat it up a cup at a time before bed. Some people say green tea is too strong so that is why I use three or four per gallon, to get the HEALTH benefits of Green Tea without the bitterness of the taste.

I’m sorry if you’re battling weight issues, I’m more sorry that your health and living is not important enough to you to stay alive for your children and grandkids and great grandkids. Please don’t tell me that a salad is more expensive than a burger, it is all a matter of CHOICE and MODERATION, not price!   

Below are some links that might help with your battle with over medication. I have to put God in here somewhere don’t I? ‘I’ believe that God placed a resource for EVERY ailment we face on this earth in the form of herbs and vegetables. For me, prescribed medication will be the last resort. When you read that *I’m* on medication, then know I’m in my last days and the meds are only being used to prolong my life. 

Please don’t misunderstand me, I am NOT condemning anyone for taking medications for what ails you. I’m only saying that maybe, JUST MAYBE there is a cheaper alternative to prescription drugs. My mother pays well over $200 a month on prescription drugs. When my dad was sick in the hospital last year she didn’t take them for almost two months. After he passed, she told her doctor and the doctor told her, but they’re keeping you alive! She LIVED two months without taking them. Do your research.  

Links below:

Foods that will clean, repair and produce new cells in your body

12 Healing Herbs

25 Healing Herbs

75 Safe and Effective Herb al Remedies

10 Turmeric Benefits Superior to Medications

Turmeric – Pros and Cons – Be sure to click the tab for side effects

18 NATURAL Sleep Aids

If you're going to argue how expensive the herbs and vitamins are, think about that the next time you're at a fast food restaurant splurging, or food shopping for chips and soda. Think MODERATION!