Total Eclipse of the Soul

Prov. 3: 5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

Total Eclipse of the Soul

I wasn’t expecting too much yesterday because weathermen tried to ruin the suspense but I was hoping I would get to see the once in a lifetime total solar eclipse in its totality and let me tell you, it was everything I expected and MORE! I set my lounge chair up outside directing it toward the sun. About ten minutes before the moon began its trek in front of the sun, I posted my blog yesterday. Sloppy as it was I was in a hurry and wasn’t much caring about typos or grammar at that point, I wanted to witness the breathtaking total solar eclipse, the spiritual experience of a lifetime.

I hurried outside, plopped in my chair and the hours passed by like liquid pouring from a cup. My neck has been in a lot of pain this past week, I think from sleeping wrong but yeah a lot of pain for days now. I couldn’t sit in the normal lawn chair, I had to use the one that enabled me to stretch out allowing me and my neck a relaxing position without hurting myself.

I lay there, glasses on and sat watching, waiting, wanting. For some reason, I was expecting something metaphysical to happen because when I watch the stars, the clouds, the leaves, nature, in general, I always have the experience to write about even if it’s meant to be just for me. But yesterday, the eclipse was for millions to witness but would we all see it the same way? Would we all feel that universal connection to the heavens?

My tee shirt logo

Hubby purchased tee shirts a month ago in eager anticipation of what was going to unfold. As the day the eclipse was set to happen, you could feel something brewing in the air even upon waking. Now we’re in no way extravagant, but we felt we needed to mark this day in history by something more significant than a picture. A tee shirt was our little taste of extravagance for the special day. The above pic is mine and my son's workplace provided their own tee's for the occasion. This event is big for Nebraskans.

The entire week leading up to the day had been sunny but forecasters called for this special day to be huddled in clouds. At best the eclipse would be hit or miss. Not expecting anything because of what the weathermen said, I still waited on the Lord to put on a spectacular show; if he can move mountains and part the sea, He certainly can make sure the clouds are moved so that those who needed to see the blazing glory had the chance. 

The temps were in the eighties. the breeze swift and I could feel myself getting a little anxious. Like a teenager anticipating a first date, I awaited my escort to show up. The shadows were playing tricks; dancing silhouettes spun on the ground. The sky looked like a fluorescent light bulb casting shadows in a strange flickering light.

Shadows on the ground minutes before totality

As the moon crept over the sun the sky was slowly becoming the celestial event of a lifetime for me. As it neared totality, the wind ceased. The birds quieted. My husband and I basically were holding our breath. Do you remember the scene from The Ten Commandments movie where Moses is facing the burning bush? He took his shoes off because he was on the Holy ground? That is exactly how I felt as the minutes ticked toward totality, the seconds became the moment, and totality kissed my face, brushing my hair in darkness, whisking my mind to a euphoric high. The sky darkened, the stars briefly appeared, birds silenced as crickets chirred to life.

It happened, the gentle kiss upon arrival, a ring of fire lit 'round the moon. I could see a pinkish light to the right of the moon as if to blush at seeing me. The rest of the circle was a shiny silver plate setting at the King’s castle. Then something happened I wasn’t expecting, tears flowed from my eyes and I bowed my head in the palms of my hands and thanked the Lord for this chance to see His beautiful creation in full splendor. Points of light shone round about like a silent explosion. I bawled my eyes out trying to see all this beauty while fireworks went off in the background twenty miles away in the instant darkness graced the earth. I was basking for a moment in the presence of my Lord.

Totality

While I’m seeing images from around the U.S., some real and some obvious fakes, some over filtered, some raw, there is nothing like actually viewing with your naked eye. Nothing captured what I actually observed with my own eyes, heart, and soul. For a twinkle in time, people stopped, the earth paused in adoration, kids stopped texting and saw the event that would give rise to higher thoughts. My hubby used his eclipse glasses as a shield to click a picture of the total eclipse. He took one with his phone and one with the camera. Me? I was lounging in awe, silently rejoicing in my Lord for the majestic event of the day, looking forward to when we’d meet again. While not everyone was consciously focused on the same thing, I was only focused on Him. Not the sun, not the moon, Him, just Him, the One and Only Son!

Dan. 4:3 “How great are his signs! and how mighty are his wonders! his kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and his dominion is from generation to generation.”

Acts 2:19 “And I will shew wonders in heaven above, and signs in the earth beneath; blood, and fire, and vapour of smoke:”

My Doctor Visit

Pss. 6:2 “Have mercy upon me, O LORD; for I am weak: O LORD, heal me; for my bones are vexed.”

My Doctor Visit

Yesterday, many of you know I visited with my General Practitioner (GP from here on out). It was all that I expected from a doctor who actually cares about her patient and she didn’t let me down. 

I didn’t wait long in the nearly empty office that is usually bustling and as my name was called my heart raced a bit. Of course, my mind thinks good things but there is always that one little part that we all have that wonders what this visit will bring. 

I stepped on the dreaded scale in anticipation of what my forced diet would bring and to my surprise; I lost seven pounds in three - four weeks. That’s normal since I’ve had no carbs, no sugar, no meat and no dairy and a gallon of purified water a day. I’m an herbivore these days and it is paying off with energy, life, stamina, and peace.

The doctor came in and we talked. We talked about not doing chemo, and doing chemo, we talked about my illness and what I’m currently doing with my diet and exercise. She and the assistant were impressed that in four weeks (since I saw her last) I had changed so much!

She’d really like me to do chemo. It wasn’t the pressure I felt from the oncologist this was a subtle conversation between doctor/patient with eye to eye contact and compassion. I understood everything she said. I told her about the bad experience with the onc. and that we just didn’t click and I in no way said I ‘wasn’t committing’, I said I needed time!

She did say right off that my Breast Cancer doctor (remember, they’re colleagues/friends) had told her to keep an eye on me. That was the honesty I seek in a doctor, not an evasive reply. She offered that, I didn’t ask. I knew, but I still didn’t ask. That was her fifth or tenth brownie point in my eyes. 

She asked if I’d like to see another oncologist and I said YES, I’m not NOT committing, I need time to gather all the information I can. Her honesty showed again when she said, “I’m not a specialist in the field of oncology and that is who you really need to see to explain it more.” Monday the 27th, I’ll visit the new oncologist. He may also recommend a PET scan and I’m thinking, radiation and all, it might be for the best to know if the disease is spreading. I welcome your positive thoughts! Positive only!

We talked like old friends yet this was only my second time seeing her. She went on to tell me that this is a very successfully treated type of BC and that they have made great strides in treatment. Still only chemo treatments, but this time I was actually listening because she was actually taking the time to come down to my level, not putting on airs and putting herself above me.

She told me that all I’m doing with the vitamins and diet would only enhance the success of the chemo treatment and not hurt, I’d have to ask the new onc., but she was pretty sure. She said my mind, and my positive outlook can only be a good thing. Too many people go into this with, like I said before, that cancer is a ‘death sentence’.

She was also honest about the holistic healing. I asked why doctors don’t know about these things that can save lives and she made sense in her reply where the oncologist just brushed me off. This doctor said because most holistic remedies haven’t been studied long enough yet or are still in the testing stages and as a doctor, she can only offer what is within her realm of treatment. Chemotherapy is tried and true. I got it, it made sense to me, I understood where the medical community was coming from. 

What we talked about didn’t change my mind on getting chemo but it did give me something to think about. Yes, we even talked about the bad side effects of chemo, and she sided with there is more good than bad and I’m sticking with there is more bad than good, for now. 

Ezek. 34:4 “The diseased have ye not strengthened, neither have ye healed that which was sick, neither have ye bound up that which was broken, neither have ye brought again that which was driven away, neither have ye sought that which was lost; but with force and with cruelty have ye ruled them.” (sounds like chemo - TO ME)

I live in a state where the next oncologist available is forty miles away. Remember, when my hubby needed a cornea transplant the only place in the STATE is three and a half hours away. I grew up in a tiny little state, where there were MANY top-notch hospitals available within miles of each other, University of Maryland and Johns Hopkins just to name two. And out here they have nothing but cows and farmland in such a BIG state; nothing innovative to write home about here. 

Nebraskans seem offended when I say stuff like that but I’m not saying it to offend anyone, I’m just AMAZED, in the twenty-first century, that the nearest airport is (besides those tiny plane ones) is over an hour away and oncologists are separated by forty miles or more!

THIS is the reason I’m doing more research. THIS is the reason I NEED to do more research. I can’t just up and move to a new state so I HAVE to take what is offered me here but *I* feel more in control when I can make the decision on my own and not be forced into something I don’t believe. I feel like they are trying to brainwash me and have me join their cult of beliefs, but now, I have more understanding of where they are coming from with this GP visit.

I’m continuing on my journey, I’m trying to remain positive and also trying to rid ANYTHING I deem as negative out of my life. I’ve done this spiritual cleansing many times over my life but now I need to put to use all I’ve learned. On we go, my friends! I’m so glad I have you along for the ride, this is one mountain climbing excursion that I’m glad to not be on alone. I can’t thank you all enough but remember where I FEEL the love, my prayers bounce back to YOU! Win/win guys…now journey on! 

Gen. 24:21 “And the man wondering at her held his peace, to wit whether the LORD had made his journey prosperous or not.”

Where Do The Funds Go?

Ecc.3:3 “A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;”

Where Do The Funds Go

I’m sure you’re wondering, why donate? Well, let me tell you. Any money you send me is going directly to food that I can’t afford on an income of Social Security. I myself cannot get SS disability because the only jobs I’ve ever had were taking care of the elderly, cleaning houses for meager pennies, so I have zero put into SS so I can receive nothing! Hubby is disabled and yes, he's worked all of his life to be able to receive the meager S.S. payment and few hours a week allowed by our lovely government. So where does that leave penniless cancer patients? In the cold, that's where!

Here’s the thing, when I was younger I gave my life over to God. I didn’t go halfway in I went all in. I always walked differently than any fellow walkers of God that I knew. When He says own nothing, I basically took that literal and to this day I own NOTHING. I always said that God will provide and sustain me and at times it has been hard driving that into people but God has NEVER let me down. God has and will continue to provide for me even now, whether you donate or not. 

Just like now, I have no money to beat cancer. I don’t have a savings account, fancy cars, I don’t own a home, we rent this little house out here on a rundown Turkey Ranch. Am I ashamed or embarrassed? Not at all, this was provided by God so why would I be ashamed? I wrote about it a few years ago. 

I totally get that people work hard all of their life for nice fancy stuff, big fancy house, top of the line vehicles, all the best of clothing, but that is who you are not who I am. I own nothing but own everything, to me. I have a roof over my head, I have all I need and have never lived to own all the things that I might someday WANT. I’m content on living, NOW!

So why beg for money if God can provide everything for me? Sometimes God uses people and their illness to bring out the true colors in people. We’re living in times where we don’t have time to hoard all of our riches and stow away our valuables, they ARE NOT GOING WITH YOU. Point blank, your materials will be dust in the earth.

When you see a homeless man on the corner and you drop him a dollar, that is a million bucks to him! To you, it is chump change but to him it is sustenance. That’s why I’m out here begging for money, so I can add a couple more years to my life to do God’s work. 

I need to be on this no carb, no sugar, no dairy diet for at least two years for it to beat the cancerous cells lurking inside of me. Add to that my dietary supplements and it’s going to be a costly journey. One that I’m taking you on with me and hopefully changing some peoples lives along the way. I’m a pioneer of sorts, showing you the way to adding years to your life. I’m going to take what I’m learning and pass it on to you and it will be a much cheaper solution than all that is offered out there because let's face it, you don’t have the money either.

A fruit and vegetable diet is costly especially if you go organic to keep all of the chemicals out of your system that feeds the cancer cells. When you help me, you’re helping every single person who is changed by what I’m writing. Just like when you hand a homeless person money, that money goes to a proprietor, who pays his employees, who has that job to feed THEIR families. So when you help one, you’re really helping many. Think about that.

Just like me, the vitamins I’m buying are not from the mega stores such as WalMart, or GNC, they’re from a health and nutrition supplement store that just opened and are trying to get their leg up on the market. I realize Nebraska is not the health state of the nation. They’re all about GMO’s, pesticides, processed food and unhealthy eating. Maybe that’s why this is the only supplement store around for forty miles. (a GNC store opened recently and is quite close but I haven’t checked them out yet.) 

Don’t get me wrong, I love Nebraska and the moral compass that I don’t see in other states I've been to, but the moral compass isn’t going to free me of cancer, only healthy eating will do that and healthy eating cost money, money I don’t have. Where do the funds go? To food and supplements! You’re allowing me to live. 

I bought a head of cauliflower, a bag of baby carrots, and a handful of brussel sprouts. I made up SEVEN baggies, and that fed me for SEVEN days! As this journey progresses I’m going to give you my recipes I've found, modified because of money, but still good to eat and filling. All this to add years to my life and possibly yours. You can modify my recipe to suit your taste if you want. 

Right now I’m on: turmeric, selenium, Cureamed (that’s a curcumin supplement), Vit. C (1000 mg powder) Iodine, and my B12 stress tablets. It’s a lot to take and in two months I’ll run out UNLESS I get more help and I’m positive God will provide! I’ll only give out my mailing address if asked. My email address is jonismuse@yahoo.com. I’m here and I am alive with God!

I’m going to put together a book called Beating Cancer on a Budget and in two years when I’ve beat this, I will seek a publisher for it! I have goals, I have a plan but most of all I have a wonderfully AWESOME and most AMAZING God who thought enough of me to tap me on the shoulder and say, “Wake up girl!” And now I’m awake and LIVING! God Bless you all! Thank you for your support. 

Pss. 30:2 “O LORD my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me.”  

Miracles Do Happen!

Pss. 40:3 (KJV) “And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD." 

Miracles Do Happen

Five years ago my husband regained his eyesight. You might say it was the doctor who did the cornea transplant but it was way more than just a doctor that put the entire puzzle together to make it work; no, there was a miracle involved from a Higher Power, that’s right, God!

I don’t think blindness is anything you or I could take on easily, sure maybe we think we could but do a test, put a blindfold on for a day and try walking, showering, eating, cooking, all the things we take for granted become magnified.

My hubby went blind gradually, I knew the day he called and asked me to drive him to work after his attempt failed, something he’d done effortlessly for the six years we lived in Texas. The night before, we had been hit with a straight-line wind storm. If you don’t know what that is, it is not much unlike a tornado but forecasters designate it straight line winds because no funnel clouds are present, but the winds are disastrous.

With downed power lines, misplaced roofs and debris scattered in the roads, detours were everywhere making my hubby’s trek into work more difficult; he called me. Fast forward a few weeks and a doctor visit showed he was in need of cornea transplant surgery, again. This time the need was more serious because both eyes were in need and failing. Now jobless and no insurance we needed help, a miracle if you will.

Texas was no longer an option, as the extra help we desperately needed would never come. We had to move to Nebraska where his loving family was and we’d make a new start, blind, penniless, and basically homeless we arrived in Nebraska to the help we needed and then some! 

His family was immensely helpful in this transition from his brother, sister-in-law, and nephew, all missing work and coming to Texas to load us up for the move, to the family in Nebraska waiting to unload us when we arrived. When we finally did arrive, there was food in the cupboards (donated by his mom’s church Gibbon Baptist) as well as an envelope full of money for the basic necessities we’d need. 

Would this blessing train end there? Of course not; month after month for two and a half years the blessings poured in like a dam had burst! The only minor setback was Medicare saying he’d have to be blind for two years before they would pay for a cornea transplant. Well, that’s not too bad you might say but let me remind you, during these two years his corneas were continuing to deteriorate.

When I’m told to patiently wait on the Lord, I’m reminded that everything is in His time and not MY time. I wanted this blindness over and done with now not in two years, but we waited; sometimes patiently and sometimes not so much. By the time we finally received the Medicare we were comfortably accepting he may never be seeing again. Finding a doctor was a challenge because hubby wanted to listen to his mother and uncle when I was clearly pointing him in the right direction. But it took two refusals from other doctors for him to finally go to the doctor I picked in the very beginning.

The doctor was perfect, the transplant was perfect his sight was restored but his one eye was too far gone (thanks, medicare!) and he had to have it removed. A blessing, you ask, to lose an eye? Well, let me tell you, the good eye that received the cornea was being infected over and over because of the bad eye. Do you lose both eyes or lose one eye and keep the good one? Think about that. 

This is where the many, eight-hour round trips to Omaha were doing damage to my back. Sitting for hours, sometimes in high winds or thunderstorms and driving for eight hours with tiny stops, sometimes twice or three times a week did my back in and I lost my ability to walk normal. Was it worth it? I would do it over again in a heartbeat! The miracle of sight is more important than my petty walking ability.

His mother said she could make the trip to Omaha in two hours (remember she LIVES here in Nebraska and has made the trip NUMEROUS times) I’m a native Baltimorean coming from Texas and not used to HIGH winds and doing seventy-five miles per hour to somewhere I’ve never been. So, I let her take him one time and yeah, it took her about six hours. (not four)

The damage to my back was done; no return and I sometimes feel bitter when someone says, “Oh the problem was there all along.” Maybe it was but the long driving spells were what irritated my back enough to finally fail, and that’s the truth of the matter! I’ve lived it and we survived it and the miracle I’m still here and he is still seeing is a package of wrapped blessings with all the frilly bows and ribbons on top!

You could say that this was all coincidence that everything worked out the way it did but I’ve NEVER believed in coincidence. Everything down to the letter happened the way it was supposed to happen and for a reason. Miracles DO happen! I wait with patience to unravel the bows to see the reason although I have faith everything was for the best.

In the midst of heartache and heartbreak we can never see the reason for anything but once you stand back and look at the full picture instead of looking at an unsolved puzzle, you’ll see the beautiful landscape of truth and reason unfold into a blessed miracle.

Heb. 2:4 “God also bearing them witness, both with signs and wonders, and with divers miracles, and gifts of the Holy Ghost, according to his own will?”

Middle of Nowhere

Pss. 147:4  “He telleth the number of the stars; he calleth them all by their names.”

Middle of Nowhere

It hit me and it hit me hard when I realized I’m out in the middle of nowhere, especially when the urgency to get back home became some kind of fantasy trip never to be had. I suddenly felt alone, alone and wandering like the couple in the Children of the Corn movie, where every road that they turned down basically led to nowhere.

I remember being back in Dallas when the panic call came that my mother had a stroke, my dad wanted me home and he’d pay for everything just to see me back there consoling my mother. In less than 24 hours we boarded a plane and landed at BWI airport. It took us 20 minutes to get to the airport where we’d board a three-hour flight bound for the east coast. Easy peasy!

When the call came in that my father had passed, I wrestled with what had to be done. I thought another easy flight plan was in store for my near future but no, it just wasn’t meant to be. The cheapest airline tickets ranged from $337 – $557 round trip. That is not including hotel and car rental and of course the food we’d need to eat. We’re talking close to $2000 - $3000 trip for the three of us to get back to my hometown. That doesn’t include the gas that we’d need to make a three-four hour trip to Omaha to catch the plane.

It’s not like people have money just lying around waiting to help a poor soul, they have lives and needs themselves. My dilemma is my dilemma and as it would be, it just isn’t meant for me to go back and see my family during one of the hardest times in their lives.

When my brother looked at the google earth map he realized something and exclaimed, “You live out in the middle of nowhere! Literally!” Tell me something I DON’T know! I look at the map and it looks like a simple straight line from Nebraska to Baltimore but there is more than meets the eyes there!

We have an airport 3-4 hours away. We don’t have bus stations or trains that could just whisk me away on a trip to Baltimore as easy as it was when we lived in Dallas. We literally live out in the middle of nowhere! We don’t even have a place to call to deliver food out here, that’s how far away we are from the main town.

My only connection at this time is facebook via computer and my phone. I don’t have one of those ‘Smart  Phones’ that everybody uses to surf the worldwide web; I don’t have the luxury of ‘facetime’, whatever that is, and no one back home has a way to allow me to SEE the family I long to be with at this time.

I have to sit here out in the middle of nowhere and grieve in my own way. It’s hard but I’m muddling through, writing every day whether it’s something to post or not to post. I clean, I rake, I do whatever my back will allow. I know my limits.

I call my mother just to hear her voice in the morning and at night to make sure she takes her medicine. That is what my dad did and she tells me that sometimes if I hadn’t called, she would have surely forgotten to take her meds. She sounded really good last night as opposed to the other tearful three weeks; she laughed and I know I heard her smile right through the phone. She sounded as if one-thousand pounds of stress had been lifted off her shoulders. Yes she’s grieving but she is also accepting that this is what was meant to be.

I walked out the back door and looked up at the billions of stars in the sky out in the middle of nowhere and said to my father, “Dad, she’s going to be all right.”

Just at that moment a shooting star danced across the sky. I whispered, “You show off.”

1 Cor. 15:41 “There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars: for one star differeth from another star in glory.”

We're Getting Married

Rom. 6:14-15  “For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace. What then? shall we sin, because we are not under the law, but under grace? God forbid.”

We’re Getting Married

After thirteen years together we’re finally getting married on Wednesday, May 13th. Many will ask, “A Wednesday?”

Yes, a Wednesday at the Historic Courthouse of Minden, Nebraska. (see pic above taken from google pics)

Why a courthouse? Well let me tell you.

When Steven realized I didn’t want all the glitz and glamor of a wedding (been there done that) I think we both realized it might be time to get married. We’ve had a tough road laid out for us in the beginning, what with meeting online, both committing sin neither of us were too happy about committing. (He being divorced, me being married but separated kept us from nuptials.)

We both talked about marriage, we both wanted it but with obstacles in our way and climbing hurdles the task became too much. I won’t say money hindered us because any time we needed ANYTHING the good Lord provided for us, so it wasn’t necessarily money keeping us from marriage.

Many of my friends and readers know about Steven going blind a few years ago, so there was that. Then we had doctor appointments upon doctor appointments, in Omaha no less and yes funds came out of the woodwork to get us from point A to point B.

Our church made it quite clear a few times (not just once) that they could not marry us as long as we were living in sin! They told us point blank that we needed to separate for a few months, date other people and if we found our way back to one another than this is what God has brought together.

Umm…wait, God didn’t bring us together thirteen years ago? For crying out loud we met through a screen! God had no hand in that? We chatted online for ten months before my husband threw his son and me out of the house and told us he never wanted to see us again. (Trust me on this one, it had more to do with his mental instability than any friend I had online.)

My ex had been struggling for YEARS (I stayed 20 of them) and there was no help or aid on this earth that could see this man through (and to this day still hasn’t). He wanted nothing to do with his son, he only wanted to control and obsess over me and a friend on the net came and saved my life! THAT is how *I* see it.

To this day I still say that it was God who brought Steven to my front door. While on the net, there were many girls and guys who knew my predicament and wanted to help but Steven is the only one who loaded up his truck and made his way from Texas to Baltimore to save me, a damsel in distress.

Where was my family? They knew my ex was obsessed with me and a control freak and my brother-in-law even tried to get his minister to help. It didn’t help, my ex just tried to control and manipulate that situation too. My family was giving up on him and saw no way to help my son and ME so I left and have NEVER looked backed!

I chose the road less traveled! Now to be told by the church and the very people I was trusting with my life that Steven and I had to separate, put me in a whirlwind of confusion. Where would I go? I can’t go back home. I don’t want to SEE other men. I don’t want to separate. Those were the rules. Rules we never agreed to so we settled on a courthouse wedding where the LAW wouldn’t deny us.

Thirty-seven years of always being controlled and owned I was thrown into a new state, Texas, miles and miles away from home for the first time in my life. The first weeks maybe months I was scared, so much so anxiety attacks took over and many nights of tears were being shed for my loneliness and my son who was seven, who didn’t understand one thing going on around him.

Steven and I grew. We fell in love. I was urged to divorce my (ex) husband after all of his false promises to do so fell apart. To this day I don’t even know if he knows we’re divorced. I do know he is living in Florida somewhere with his brother, but he still has no contact with the son he left behind.

The light at the end of the tunnel, Nebraska, became our saving grace. In Texas, Steven was going blind and he wanted to be near his family. His family and the good Lord saw to it that our journey was well blessed. A home, food and a good family surrounding us, we were well on our way. ONLY with God’s blessing did we get this far; and now we’re asked to separate by our Church, whom we’ve grown to love and trust?

I asked God what He wanted and well, marriage was the answer to our dilemma and again HE said He’d bless our journey. I’m not going to get into what God said to me, I DO have some things I keep private. I’m glad Steven and I took the time to get to know each other and grow in love together before we jumped into marriage. Nowadays marriage is not a sacred ceremony, people do it to just get it done and over with but we waited for God and HIS blessing on this union and so here we are.

We could have searched and found a church in Nebraska to marry us but we kind of feel let down by the entire institution. Don’t get me wrong; I understand completely that it is OUR sin that was not accepted and I’m okay with that, but you know what? Jesus died for OUR sin and HE accepts us.

Rom. 8:2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.

Instead of a rinky-dink newly built courthouse, I chose the Historic courthouse of Minden Nebraska, built by the some of the very first settlers in the state of Nebraska.

God has blessed our journey and has brought us to this path in life. May He continue to watch over and fruitfully bless our journey.

Beauty of the Sandhill Crane

Song of Sol. 2:12 The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land;

~ The Sandhill Crane ~

The majestic beauty of Crane descending

Black lines mount the sky

Like rows and rows of soldiers pending

Their song-filled woes draw nigh.

Their movement off in the distance

Seeking a haven to rest.

Being met with no resistance

To the wandering river they nest.

Right on cue each year they meet

The melody fills the air.

Gather together new friends to greet

A sanctuary they share.

Flocking northward like a band of thieves

To the winding river they roam.

A blanket of clouds each one weaves

Finding a shelter to call home.

Briefly at the Sandhills they stay

The morning’s call will incite you.

You’ll rise and shine to greet each day

Until the moment the Crane bid adieu!

Isa. 60: 8 Who are these that fly as a cloud, and as the doves to their windows

Carma and Destiny

Carma and Destiny…

Ezek. 34: [26] And I will make them and the places round about my hill a blessing; and I will cause the shower to come down in his season; there shall be showers of blessing.

Well since Steven pretty much told of the exciting day we had on Thursday the 8^th here, I thought I would add to the specialness of the day.

  

First allow me to tell you of Destiny. That is what we deemed his ’99 Explorer after his purchase of his truck back in 2003. It was destiny that rode into my life, in the fashion of a galloping blue steed, with Steven behind the wheel.

I saw that day back in May of 2003 as the day my life would be changed, altered, and would never be the same again. It was a year I would never forget and destiny was all a part of the swiftly changing scene; it only seemed fair that we gave her that name.

I know you think only guys name their cars, but this truck swept me off my feet into another state; another world than what I was accustomed to living. I had been living a sheltered life with a man who was ripping at the seams and for the protection of my son, I basically fled, with his blessing mind you, because he knew he was becoming volatile.

Destiny waved her colorful ribbons all caught in the moment of windswept storms. We dwelled in Texas for six years, and it is where I home schooled my son, got my license (at age 37) and watched as my son grew into a respectable human being. After six years in Texas, we were destined to be in Nebraska, where I sent my son to school for the first time. Now a senior, embarking on his last year of high school, he turned out to be a fine young, albeit tall, young man. Destiny was good to him too.

Now Destiny, the truck, had her inhibitions. She liked to stall on occasion, but nothing we couldn’t talk her back into a good rev. When I lost control a few years back, I planted Destiny in a ditch, and with airbags exploded, the tow- truck driver said, “You might as well junk it.” The undercarriage had been immersed in water and he felt she would never ride again.

Would you believe, the next day she started right up, we rode to his brother’s house, (he’s a mechanic) and he said she’d make it! Well, we KNEW she would, it was our Destiny! And ride she has for the past four years, never letting us down.

Now let me tell you. Here in Kearney, they have a car dealership named Crossroads. Wouldn’t ya know it that was the title for the novel I’m writing? That was its decided name BEFORE I moved to Nebraska and saw this car dealership. I had said from day one, “If I ever buy a car, it’s going to be from Crossroads, because that is like an advertisement for my novel.” I had even mentioned it again a few weeks ago, maybe even every time we ride past the dealership.

Now go back and read what a wonderful day we had yesterday. Everything went perfect, the car we wanted to buy seems perfect and too many things fell into place to not think something greater was at work. We road past Crossroads and again I said.. “I always wanted my first car to be from there.” You know what Steven said?

“I forgot to tell you, the back of the car? It has a Crossroads emblem on it.” Chills ran up my arms, tears built up without overflowing my eyes.

“This is our car! This is OUR CAR!!” My excitement as we were driving to the man’s house was building up, until we finally pulled up to the car. That is when the tears overflowed my eyes. Breathless I whisperd, “That’s my car! THAT is MY car!”

Adam in the back seat kept telling me to NOT cry, and as I dried my eyes, I got out and approached the car. We took it for a ride, and I knew, it was Karma! Adam kept saying Karma with a C and it stuck. Carma and Destiny met!

Yes, our two vehicles will outlive what the record books say because they were destined to be together. This is where you say, “Awwwwwwwww.” 

 Ecc.3: 1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

Karma, to me, is God working in every way!

Praise God!

An Exhausting Week

If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.
~Johann von Goethe
***

I will get back into my writing blog that you all signed up for but this has been an amazing and an exhaustive week, and my way of relaxing is through writing. My way of releasing tension is through expression of the written word.

The trip into Omaha was over a week ago on Sunday. Little did I know that three trips into Omaha in a week were in store. I know a lot of people like traveling and driving but I’ve never really cared for it that much.

It’s bad enough to face ignorance in town but when you’re driving on the highway, and you’re almost crushed between the car to your left, who isn’t going to budge out of your way because they might miss something life altering wherever it is they are going that two seconds might take that away from them, and the truck to my right barreling from the on ramp plowing almost right into my lap in the drivers seat!

I love Nebraska and am always saying how the people here actually USE their blinkers, because back in Texas as I drove the crazy highway into Dallas, rarely did anyone ever use their blinker. It was always a guessing game as to what the person in the car ahead of you was going to do next. Either cut you off, stay in their lane, or jump four lanes. Texas was a maze of highway!

Here in Nebraska, to get to Omaha, it is a two lane highway until you reach Lincoln where, get this, it has THREE lanes! The speed limit is 75 mph and as much of a speed demon as I can be, on a two lane highway, 75 feels like 120 in a wind tunnel.

Last year when I had an accident and it threw me into a ditch, I had quite the hard time jumping right back into a car the next day and in the succeeding weeks. Every dirt road looked like a monstrous furry caterpillar about to attack, but as the weeks and months passed the caterpillar shrunk and became a tiny snake slithering across the road.

In October of last year, six months after the accident, I barely hit sixty on the highway to Omaha, which made the trip a four hour journey one way, to only be seen by the doctor for five minutes and have to turn around and do the wind-whipped four hours all over again.

This time, since everything worked in God’s time, I was able to make the Omaha trip in 2 hrs. and forty minutes, if we went straight through without stopping to eat! I hit 75 on occasion (to pass) but I was mainly on cruise control at 72 mph and we made excellent timing!

So yeah, three trips into Omaha, an amazing miracle of sight, driving through the pounding rain, chilled to the core of my bones, and then I rise this morning where I can just rest via my writing.

Rest? Me? Darned tootin’!

Home...Sweet Home?

Home is not where you live but where they understand you. 

~ Christian Morgenstern ~
***

I grew up in South Baltimore. From where I am now, it is called back East. In the Midwest, everything is either north, south, east or west. Asking for directions, you get “South on L street, west on A! The streets hardly have names either. Central, Main, names like that and the alphabet letters, now THAT is creativity!

I’m getting kind of hurt and feeling shut out and isolated. I didn’t grow up with the aroma of manure permeating my clothes. The only thing that permeated my clothes was second hand smoke and alcohol from the barrooms my dad went to. My school wasn’t in town, it was right around the corner, which I could walk to on what we deemed asphalt streets, not a dirt road. I didn’t have cows and pigs as pets, I had a dog. I didn’t grow up using the term POP!

I grew up with concrete under my feet. A solid substance if even that was the only solid substance there was in my life. It was MY life, and MY home! But if I say to someone, “I’m from back east, Baltimore.” They get this shocked look like they just saw a hundred naked men streaking through the Church or something. The ‘I’m appalled to be in your presence’ look is getting old for me. It downright hurts.

Don’t get me wrong, living out here is pretty awesome. The big rumbling tractors, the crop dusters zooming over your head, the wild Turkey’s running across your lawn, deer peeking out of the woods to see if the coast is clear. All this makes up the flatland of Nowhere Special Nebraska, where I live now. A huge contrast from back home where the skyscrapers towered over you as you walked the Inner Harbor, the parks all having historical monuments placed throughout the city/state, the aroma of the sea salt, even though Ocean City Maryland was quite a distance from Baltimore, although the Chesapeake Bay is just off of Fort Mc Henry, where unbeknownst to the mid-westerners, the war of 1812 was fought!

I think the shock I receive is from the unknown. The kids out here are not taught about the East Coast, they just hear dark looming stories and that forms their entire opinion of all people from back east. Very judgmental in my opinion, but then, the people back east form an opinion about Southerners or Northerners, but the mid-westerners? We were not taught about them either. In school we were taught that it was all flatland and farming out here, and well, that wasn’t a misconception by any means. A friend here said, “It’s an entirely different mentality once you cross the Mississippi and head East.” That’s what they’re taught.

As kids grow up out here in the State with a major hospital hundreds of miles away, a state with an airport hours away. (I grew up with BWI Airport within ten minutes of my house, and Johns Hopkins a hop skip and a jump) a state that kids want to hurriedly grow up and leave behind, but one in which, they always want to return to, with time.

We realize in life...even after being told a million times, that HOME is where the heart is.
 
Who are the ones that aid/comfort me? Assist me? Makes me feel like I’m a member of a family? Writers! Certainly not either state that I’ve been in.  If I need to actually ASK for your assistance or you need to ASK how I’m getting along? Then you don’t know me...or care.

Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to.  

~John Ed Pearce ~

Windy Woes...

Psalm 31:7
I will be glad and rejoice in thy mercy: for thou hast considered my trouble; thou hast known my soul in adversities;
***

Ugh... here we are with another Tuesday upon us. A Tuesday where it is supposed to be Spring and it feels like winter! Yesterdays thirty-four degrees upon wake up with a 21 windchill is not my picture of spring in any sense of the word.

Had someone told me Nebraska was a wind tunnel, I think I would’ve ran the other way, found a new direction. As it is, I’m feeling like a part of a vacuuming system. The relentless, gusting, gnawing, bone-chilling vibrations of the winds really can throw off someone who just wants to play in the garden and enjoy spring.

I love Nebraska and all that the beauty it offers to ones soul, but come on, does it really need to be this windy? I lived in Baltimore for most of my life, we had a few windy days, then I lived in Texas for six years, again a few windy days, but here in the wide open plains of Nebraska, I would say that out of the two years that I’ve lived here, more than 50% of those days were spent in wind!

I can bear the back-biting, spine-tingling cold, I can deal with sun scorching heat dripping humidity, but wind? I can not take much more of this. It literally blows my mind!

Today began yet another f2k session, and as I usually post about it before it comes upon us, I didn’t this time because I’m not mentoring this session and possibly the session after that. The wind kind of has me in a state of upheaval, the season (Easter) kind of has me in a state of yearly reflection, the roller coaster weather has me in a state of perplexity, wondering is this spring, or is this winter.

As I coast through my days realizing there comes a time in ones life where we must prioritize and focus on things that really matter, I’ve decided to focus on me. Selfish of me isn’t it? Not at all, I’ve always taken care of everyone else, helped new writers come into the fold of the writing world, basically held out my hand to whomever was/is in need and sometimes I get lost on the path that I was walking down.

So as I focus on things that matter, some things have to blow in the wind, pun intended. I’m going to focus on writing, writing and more writing. And taking care of my family, so they know that THEY are the most important things in my life. My garden will be planted soon, I just know it. I’ll till and plant and watch spring come to life before my eyes. The school year will come to an end and I’ll spend my days out in the yard with my son, going to the doctors with my beau, and just enjoy all that God has put in my life for me to take care of.

The wind will subside eventually, and when it does...I’m going to relish every ounce of rain and sun that we get and allow it to not only drizzle my skin but penetrate my soul until the really important things in life are front and center for me.

Poetry Sunday:The Yearly Visit...

Is.40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

***

Yearly Visit: The Sandhill Crane
(c) Joni Zipp
***
The fields are alive with murmuring sound
I see the crane ever dancing around
They stand, they sit, all over the place.
like a babbling brook with a stony face.

When one takes flight they all follow suit
to the skys they twine with a bellowing hoot
Flapping, grappling on awkward stilts
painting the sky in patchwork quilts.

A new field awaits their homely roost
giving their journey a relieving boost
A stop in Nebraska just passing through,
Visitors pay homage to this sandhill crew.

Finding the sanctuary a yearly reprieve
until they decide to leap and leave.
Journey’s end to their timely stay
The sandhill crane must now fly away. 
All rights reserved: copyright © Joni  Zipp

Just another cornstalk

Job 40: 10 Deck thyself now with majesty and excellency; and array thyself with glory and beauty.

***

Well I can’t let it pass without mentioning what a great birthday I had.

I arose at 5:30 in the morning not feeling  any older than I did the day before, but I knew it was a different day, it was my birthday; the day I was born on my mother’s 29th birthday.

I watched the sun rise, listened to the crane and their morning call to wake up, and I drank in all the beauty that the day was going to offer. I went shopping, like I always do on Tuesdays, and it felt different. It was different, “today is my birthday.” I thought, and proceeded through the store happily.

I arrived home, ate my lunch, a chili-cheese dog! One of my favorites. You’ve never tasted a hot dog until you’ve added chili and cheese with mustard and onions on it. Then I rested for the other two hours of the day before we went off to my mom-in-laws house where S. and his mom conspired together to have me a Strawberry Shortcake waiting.

Now this wasn’t the store bought kind that you see with little cakes, this was homemade patties, baked to a sweet crisp and chopped up strawberries with a dollop of whip cream on top. How awesome is that? I absolutely love Strawberry Shortcake. I’m not a big dessert fan, never was, but S.S. is my utter weakness.

We came home and I relished the joy of the day. All of my virtual friends who mattered, left me warm wishes on facebook and in my email. I was virtually blessed, pun intended, because they might all be virtual people in my life, they are my family in my heart. They are real people with lives of their own who took time out of the day to wish ME a happy birthday.

The crane were in the fields, lined up like little soldiers with their grey-blue bodies and bobbing heads. Lanky and awkward looking, they murmur in the fields, I imagine all singing happy birthday to me, or wondering what all these crazy folk are doing staring at them. When one takes flight they all decide, “Hey wait for me!” and in a rapid procession they all fly into the sky. The backdrop of an empty cornfield, with these beautiful creatures, all fleeing the scene, is wondrous to behold.

Back in Texas and Maryland, when I walked down the street, the cat calls, the ogling bothered me to no end. I felt like a piece of meat at the evening luau. Sure I may be good looking at five foot four, thin build, long blond wavering hair, and sea blue eyes, but I was meat for the man.

Here in Nebraska, the men don’t ogle, they nod respectfully with a gentle smile. Here in Nebraska...I’m just another cornstalk in the field of beautiful images. I’m finally where I belong, amid the singing crane, the cows with their calves, the mare with their foal, the fields that are alive with allurement. I celebrated my first birthday in Nebraska with grace and dignified beauty.

Thank you all for making my life a wonderful balance!

Poetry Sunday

Coming Home
***

We couldn’t stay in Texas,
where sun and warmth abound.
The grass is green, the trees in bloom
in autumn no crunchy sound.

I longed to live in Nebraska
once again I would see snow
with family all around us;
this is where I knew I’d grow.

A huge farm and green grass
cottonwood trees galore.
Where was all this beauty
in the place I was before?

Nebraska holds a tenderness
a purity unseen.
The people seem to be in a warp
of the old time machine.

They wave as your car passes,
they’re friendly and sincere.
Impressive hospitality,
of all that I hold dear.

Golden rows of cornstalks,
kiss the sun good morning.
Animals wander on the road
without any warning.

I wonder if Nebraskans know
there’s something here to treasure.
Things this city gal holds dear,
with love beyond all measure.

God has taken a gentle hand
and shown to them His grace.
Placed love and gracious kindness
upon Nebraska’s face.