Thursday, November 01, 2012

How to...

Remain a writer!

I’m here to tell you that YES, I am a writer. It has been proven by the long hard struggle I had after never wanting to write again, and as I faced the dark, the fear of writing again, I gained clarity that I had never expected.

I wanted to throw in the towel of writing, as ripped to threads as the towel was; I was tossing it in and giving up. But like I said, something happened, I went back to where my love of writing began.

I signed up for the class, and ask anyone around me that knows me personally and supported my ups and downs, knew I was resurging again and my love of writing would return. Granted it was not the session I had foreseen, but then again, is anything really as we foresee? No, that is why we have the unknown.

I was stepping into the unknown not knowing how old and new friends alike would receive me. I was coming out of the dark and allowing whatever slapped me upside the face to do as it pleased. I walked out with my head held high and continued the journey that I feel; God himself had set me on.

You see, God gave me this gift of writing and when I was down, I knew I had to rest and sit back a ways from it all and drink in everything that had happened. I meditated, prayed, and asked for something that would surely fill my life again.

Sure enough, as beau got his license back after being blind for three years, he found a job, and here I was not writing? Well we can’t have that now can we? So the class was my first step in reclaiming what was rightfully mine, my writing.

From the very first week I was bubbling with words. I was blogging again, writing my poetry, and I was feeling whole. Yeah there is always something that wants to knock you back down a few rungs, but I was determined to keep on climbing! While being isolated and kept away from the rest of the course and what could have been an exciting re-entry into the world of writing for me, it turned out to be less than the glitter in my step that I sought. If you can say BORING, it was that and so much more.

I kept climbing week after week, writing and enjoying my time writing, everything and everyone else disappeared into the backdrop of my mind. As the classroom dwindled to barely anything there, I kept going on, encouraging the two or three that was there still plowing ahead, and I myself was feeling like a hermit, alone in the catacombs of life.

Instead of allowing myself to feel bitterness and vengeance, I chose to ride above the clouds, and saw to it I had an end. Closure is what I feel now. I never got that last year because I was too busy being hurt, so in this session, I sought closure and I got it.

I can now turn and be the writer that God wanted me to be. If He wants me to teach you all, that is fine. If He wants me to be a novel writer, I’m going to be the best novel writer I can be. As many will now move on to NaNoWriMo, I will stand back and let them frolic, while I soar. I might do it alone, but I am doing it from a much better place. I’m HEALED and I AM FREE!

Welcome back to the writing world Joni!

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