Monday, January 19, 2015


Prov. 23: 5 Wilt thou set thine eyes upon that which is not? for riches certainly make themselves wings; they fly away as an eagle toward heaven.


It was forty some odd years ago that my grandmother succumbed to lung cancer. I remember it being a time when there was no cure, yet, but there would be some day. Just saying the word makes me cringe. As a child I thought if I didn’t think about it, it couldn’t sneak up on me. I also thought it was a nasty contagious disease that was secretly going to take over the world.

In the past couple of years, my father has had throat cancer (5 years cancer free as of today), my uncle has been battling the disease, my dad’s sister is in the throes of losing the battle, Steven’s cousin died (30 years young) last year of colon cancer, he has a friend battling colon cancer (44 yrs young), my nephew HAD testicular cancer, I lost an online friend to colon cancer and the list of cancer eating away at my family and friends is not ending, it just keeps infesting!

I do have friends that have won the battle of breast cancer, so I do have hope that a cure is in sight for the future generations that will fall into its disastrous clutches. This year has not had the good start that I was looking forward to by no means at all!

Just last week I lost an online friend. She didn’t have cancer (praise God) but death took her away and spared her the lengthy illnesses that she had been enduring over the years. And now my aunt is lying in a hospital bed in what is surely the last day(s) of life succumbing and being taken over by the cancer that has slowly eaten away at her body.

I’m wondering if this is the prelude to a dismal year ahead of me. While I feel totally petty whining about my pain and my inability to walk, my incapable legs and back giving out on me, I’m swiftly reminded that it could be so much worse. I’m alive and I need to remember that, for whatever reason, God has a hold on me and is not ready for me but He’s putting my mind and body through the rigors of pain and heartbreak for a reason; to make me stronger perhaps?

I have to admit that I’m not looking forward to the year ahead. Not just because of all the illnesses sucking the life right out of people but also because I’m uncertain how this year is going to play out. Sure, we all head into a new year not knowing what it will bring but I myself can usually feel how good or bad it is going to be so I prepare myself for it. So I guess what it is telling me is to expect the unexpected.

I think I’m feeling isolated way out here in the middle of Nowhere, Nebraska. The nearest airport is over an hour and a half away, and the more reasonable airport that Nebraskans use is more than three hours away. Not that I could afford to jump on a plane and fly back at a minutes notice, but it still leaves me feeling very isolated and far far away from my family.

Back home an airport was twenty minutes away and I had two or three to choose from. Out here, we don’t have airports in the vicinity and we barely have a fire department, they are both Volunteer Fire Depts., and hospitals? We have one thirty minutes away but if it is something life threatening, we’d be flown out to Omaha! It’s just all very detaching from the outside world and especially, my family.

I don’t have much of a family but I do have my mother and father; all other family members wrote me off when I left home. I’m dribble on their crab bib. So you can see why I’m a little bogged down with emotions right now.

Uncertainty… it’s a low blow that hits when least expected. Now I see that my life is like a cancer, slowly sneaking up on me and sucking the life right out of me. Here’s hoping the year moves ahead in a positive manner and is somewhat good to me. It’s a wait and see kind of year.

Job 14:7 For there is hope of a tree, if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that the tender branch thereof will not cease.


Debbie Seko said...

Joni, my dear friend. Just remember always God has a plan for your life and mine. He using you in a mighty way that you will most likely never see. The disciple's didn't all get to see the promised land but they believed and faith that it was there and God has promised us heaven when He is ready. So hang in my friend and know I think of you often. All though it hurts I praise God He is taking loved ones and friends home to a better place as this world here gets worse.

joni said...

Amen Deb, Amen!