Friday, August 05, 2016

Empty Nest

Adam at 7 yrs. old

Pss. 102:7  “I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.”

~ Empty Nest ~

Today is Adam’s first day at ‘work’, well, it is Orientation so he really doesn’t begin work until Monday, if he likes what he hears and sees today. Since he graduated from high school everyone placed the pressure on him from the get-go, “Where will you go to college?” “What are your aspirations?” “Do you have a job” “Do you have your license?” Questions kept coming and coming from friends and family alike. 

The implosion took place the following September when he had no school to go to, no license or job. He felt useless, suicidal at times, depressed and unworthy of being alive. I think I also have the only child alive who turned twenty without ever owning a cell phone. No, our money went to other things, other necessities that had to be taken care of; Adam was/is the last man on the totem pole, has been basically his entire life.

While he has been first on my totem pole, my totem pole has stood alone in a sea of virtuality. He is always my first priority so teaching him to drive a car was first on my agenda. Nail biting at times, exhausting at other times, then it became fun excursions as he learned the ropes and finally got his license. Not to say I’m not still that ‘back seat driver’ voice every time he gets behind the wheel and takes me into the store.

You might ask, so what’s he been doing these past two years? Well, he’s been an enormous help to his semi-disabled mother. He takes the trash out, puts the recycling cans out, washes dishes (sometimes, not all the time) dries and puts the dishes away (all the time), mows the [very big] lawn, vacuums the floor, does basically anything I can’t do and everything I ask him to and no, he doesn’t complain and whine either. 

So how do I feel today? Alone. I have to be very careful because I sometimes think I can do everything and wind up hurting myself in the end. Hubby is at work, Adam is off on his new adventure and here I am, alone. But hey, at least when he drove off I didn’t cry my eyes out like I did on his first day of school, and he started in the ninth grade mind you. He was home schooled for fourteen years so that was hard getting used to my day without him and now, I think I may have to get used to my life without him every single day.

I knew this time would come when I’d have to release him to the cruel world and he’d have to fend for himself but it does feel like just yesterday that he was born; when his little tiny fingers wrapped around mine and I made sure I counted ten toes. Now the boy is a young man standing six foot two weighing in at 175 pounds. My baby isn’t so little anymore nor is his life mine. 

Males are different than females when they grow up, the girls are usually closer to their mother and boys, they find a girl to love and leave their mother’s behind. Not that they stop loving their mothers it’s just they’ve found someone who will nurture them the way their mother once did.

So the nest won’t be completely empty for a while and I’m glad about that and he came home today from Orientation happy with a smile on his face and I was so happy to see him… all grown up and becoming his own man. 

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