Empty Nest

Adam at 7 yrs. old

Pss. 102:7  “I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.”

~ Empty Nest ~

Today is Adam’s first day at ‘work’, well, it is Orientation so he really doesn’t begin work until Monday, if he likes what he hears and sees today. Since he graduated from high school everyone placed the pressure on him from the get-go, “Where will you go to college?” “What are your aspirations?” “Do you have a job” “Do you have your license?” Questions kept coming and coming from friends and family alike. 

The implosion took place the following September when he had no school to go to, no license or job. He felt useless, suicidal at times, depressed and unworthy of being alive. I think I also have the only child alive who turned twenty without ever owning a cell phone. No, our money went to other things, other necessities that had to be taken care of; Adam was/is the last man on the totem pole, has been basically his entire life.

While he has been first on my totem pole, my totem pole has stood alone in a sea of virtuality. He is always my first priority so teaching him to drive a car was first on my agenda. Nail biting at times, exhausting at other times, then it became fun excursions as he learned the ropes and finally got his license. Not to say I’m not still that ‘back seat driver’ voice every time he gets behind the wheel and takes me into the store.

You might ask, so what’s he been doing these past two years? Well, he’s been an enormous help to his semi-disabled mother. He takes the trash out, puts the recycling cans out, washes dishes (sometimes, not all the time) dries and puts the dishes away (all the time), mows the [very big] lawn, vacuums the floor, does basically anything I can’t do and everything I ask him to and no, he doesn’t complain and whine either. 

So how do I feel today? Alone. I have to be very careful because I sometimes think I can do everything and wind up hurting myself in the end. Hubby is at work, Adam is off on his new adventure and here I am, alone. But hey, at least when he drove off I didn’t cry my eyes out like I did on his first day of school, and he started in the ninth grade mind you. He was home schooled for fourteen years so that was hard getting used to my day without him and now, I think I may have to get used to my life without him every single day.

I knew this time would come when I’d have to release him to the cruel world and he’d have to fend for himself but it does feel like just yesterday that he was born; when his little tiny fingers wrapped around mine and I made sure I counted ten toes. Now the boy is a young man standing six foot two weighing in at 175 pounds. My baby isn’t so little anymore nor is his life mine. 

Males are different than females when they grow up, the girls are usually closer to their mother and boys, they find a girl to love and leave their mother’s behind. Not that they stop loving their mothers it’s just they’ve found someone who will nurture them the way their mother once did.

So the nest won’t be completely empty for a while and I’m glad about that and he came home today from Orientation happy with a smile on his face and I was so happy to see him… all grown up and becoming his own man. 

Angel Always... Godspeed

Pss. 104:4 “Who maketh his angels spirits; his ministers a flaming fire:”

Have you ever had one of those really good weeks where you wonder when the bottom is going to drop right out? It’s been that kind of week. 

Let me take you back two weeks when a dog, a yellow lab rounded the corner of the big blue barn-shed beside my house. Timid and scared, she made her way through my garden, around to the front of the house only to come back and sniff me out to see if I was an evil master or a good angel that she could trust. Anyone who knows me, knows she found a good person to trust in, right? 

I put up signs the next day looking for the owner, I searched lost dog sites and Facebook Lost Pet society to see if ANYONE owned this beautiful but scared dog. The one dog I saw on FB was named Reilly and this dog, for some reason, was responding to that name, but after posting a pic, the lady said it was not her dog. 

I own a dog, a pretty sizable female dog, so keeping Reilly is not an option but every day I’d wake and find her on my front steps or curled up in my garden. The days pass by and she’s still here letting us know she isn’t going anywhere. 

She has one of the deepest barks I’ve ever heard and keeping my neighbors and myself awake at night was going to be a serious problem! I bought a leash to hook her up to in the evening for when she goes on her midnight romps of chasing deer, skunk, raccoon or whatever she can bark at and it is working. She fell silent the nights hinged (a long chain with a collar) to a tree so I’ve since let her off to allow her the freedom, she barks it’s back on but this intelligent dog knows, just knows what I’m doing or trying to teach her. 

I posted a pic and my niece, Sara, right away said she looked like a dog I used to own named Shannon and that I just HAD to keep this dog. Another friend said that I HAD to take care of her because, Angel always? (my signature from way back) And that God would never turn ME away (yeah, the guilt card) and I’m kind of buying it but my husband has not softened up to her, yet. My sister said the dog was an angel sent for me. Oh my…

This was right around the time my husband lost his job but also right around the time he applied for a new job and got a call right away. Now, we can’t feed this oversized dog AND our oversized dog AND feed the family since well, no job and the time it will take to get money from the new job. Everything is stacked against me, or so it seems, from keeping this dog.

My neighbor has two small terrier dogs, a miniature Chihuahua and Reilly seems to think they’re her play toys. One day she played with them all day acting like the puppy that she is, not hurting them mind you, just jumping all around them telling them to play. Being older dogs they wanted nothing to do with Reilly. It brought back some unsettling memories of me as a child wanting to play and no one wanting to play with me because I was annoying or just the riff-raff type that their mothers wouldn’t allow their kids to play with. (Thanks Reilly)

Just so you know, I HAVE been feeding Reilly and giving her food and maybe THAT is why she won’t leave. When a thunderstorm hit the other night I was totally nervous for this dog being outside and I tried so hard to get her into my shed but she just shied away from me. Yesterday’s rain had me calling her again but she sauntered off and went under my neighbor Lisa’s trailer that she keeps as a doghouse for her dogs. It is just a trailer full of junk like old books and papers, magazines, old rugs and stuff. Reilly is one smart dog!

That brings me to today. Yes Reilly is still here wandering around this big old run down Turkey Ranch and greeting us when we walked out the door this morning to take my son to get his driver’s license. He had to take the same test that he failed three times before. But today would be different yes? YES!

Different from the other times was Adam’s optimism and confidence. I allowed him to wear my thumbprint necklace, which is a thumbprint of my deceased father. I wanted a part of my dad to be a part of this day. When Adam walked out the door of the DMV with a MALE who was going to test him, I knew, I just knew that this would be the day he passed! I even said, “He’s going to pass.” Just by seeing whom the tester was.

The other times he had a female to test him and Adam was not confident with them. This time was different Adam left with a smile and returned with A SMILE! A smile that signaled to me, he passed! I cried! I didn’t bawl my eyes out but tears began trickling out of my eyes. He came out the door with his temporary license in his hand, a smile on his face and I gave him the biggest hug ever! 

The week has been richly full of blessings. My mother has seen to it that we can make it until we get a real paycheck again by sending me ‘a treat’ which will buy me food and me taking care of Reilly is essentially ‘paying it forward’.

May the week continue to be joyful and prosperous as I head into my birthday week!

Angel Always, Godspeed.

Ezra 5:31 “Now when I had spoken these words, the angel that came to me the night afore was sent unto me,”

Reilly