Sail On, Joni

Lam. 3:24-25 The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.

The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.

Time heals all wounds

That is one of the biggest lies I’ve ever heard. Time might heal the part of you that was wounded but as proof the hurt existed, you’re left with a scar. I have a scar on my left wrist with a whole lot of stitches and the scar nor the memory of the three-year-old that incurred the scar has ever healed and went away. 

I always joke and say that my sister had it in for me from birth when I took her place as being the ‘baby’ of the family but more and more as time and years pass, it’s no longer the funny that I thought it was back then. As my past comes back to haunt me and the wounds resurface as the scars metaphorically reopen to leak blood onto the written page, the anguish along the lines come with the broken path.

The choppy waves are hurtling me so to speak, in a way I had not anticipated. You see, when you’re finding healing, you move forward and help others like you to move on in life. Sharing the same hurts and pains with another is just a way of being in tune and picking up the spiritual channels that drew you, as friends, together on the same wavelength in the first place. 

I have a circle of friends that I met, maybe at first it was writing that drew us together but as the years go on I tend to learn more about the people and the common thread that ties us all together. More times than not it was God and His mighty power that drew us all together in one way or another because He knew we’d need and rely on one another for support to get us through those choppy waves where we felt all alone out on the sea.

A man came to my rescue thirteen years ago and as the sea began moving to and fro the waves crashed all around leaving me with somewhat of a disillusionment until we both reached a shore where we could be at peace with one another and grow. Any lesser of a man would have dumped me a long time ago with all of my insecurities, paranoia and anxiety-filled world but my now husband is still here, holding my hand through all of this. While I accept his quirks and unsavory characteristics, I find we are a scale that has balanced one another nicely. 

God placed new people, a new life, a new beginning in front of me that I embraced and soared with so as not to look back, only occasionally look down at the scars and remember from whence they came. All too often the scars are from the family I left behind. And when I hear people say things like, ‘it is the only family you’ll ever have.’ I’ll have to disagree because it may be the only blood family I have but my new loving family that God placed me with doesn’t leave scars of abuse in their trails to be reckoned with. 

Sure, my friends can be blunt and unknowingly hurt my feelings but that is okay because I learn from them and find healing in their spoken words whereas my blood family cuts to the bone of my existence and holds no shame or offers anything that remotely looks like an apology. I can’t help the family I was put into but I can embrace the family I have now as a blessing and THIS is why I will remain an optimist because I have HOPE in every tomorrow. A wobbled walk or not, I’m alive and I breathe in each new sunrise and thank the Lord for the friends I call my spiritual family that I have surrounding me here in my later years. (later to me) This is the childhood I yearned for, the one that will walk with me to my death and mourn the me that they’ve grown with and have come to love and respect.

My long lost friend who called me did say something that I found to be true. He said, “You were never allowed to be a child. You were made to grow up too soon.” 

While the wound seeped open I remembered with loving care the family of friends I have now who will comfort me during this seepage. While God is my Rock, they are the sand that this mighty wave crashes onto to find relief.  

Lam. 3:26-29 It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD. It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth.

He sitteth alone and keepeth silence, because he hath borne it upon him.

He putteth his mouth in the dust; if so be there may be hope.