Pss, 31:3 “For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name's sake lead me, and guide me.”
I Hit The Nail on the Head
People are afraid because all along they are proclaiming a strong faith in the Lord, but with my illness and the route I’m taking is having them question where all of MY faith in God comes from, they might be a little puzzled. It may have them questioning their OWN faith and where their allegiance stands. My friend told me I have an infectious faith and if that is what God is using me for then I am honored.
I feel sorry for the ones who think money is going to buy them life. The more they spend the more they think disease and illness will stay away. They think the more insurance they have will save them in the end. They’ve put their faith in the Almighty Dollar saving them and not the Almighty Lord and Creator who has the actual POWER to save!
I could sign up for years worth of chemo, radiation and breast slaughter but you know, I could be hit by a car in mid-treatment and left for dead. If I ever did decide to go the chemo route you might as well think me dead. I will pull out of sight, I will stop writing my thoughts and keep it all to myself. You’ll look for me but the shredded remnants will be long gone. I’ll wither and die having all hope lost to the pressure of what YOU (man) want for me and not what ‘I’ want.
Let me ask you this, why did or would you sign up for chemo? For you, your family, to add a few extra years to your life? If you cry for me as I’m making the hardest decision of my life, is it sorrow for yourself for what you could have done, pity that you didn’t do more or the feeling that you’ve lost control of a situation.
Rom 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”
Life is difficult and full of trials and we are to consider it joy because our God is exceedingly good. We mature through trials. The trials in our life are the tools God uses to make us the people he needs us to be. God uses you to show others His light and love and the surrounding joy by God making himself available to YOU.
Jame 1:2-4 “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.”
I cry out, 'I believe but help my unbelief.' You have the faith but you hear doubt. This is normal as God is building His palace in us. He is using you to bring a light to the world. God is the author and perfector of our faith.
The social media scene like facebook, twitter, Instagram and YouTube are lead sources of depression. Why because you’re always comparing yourself to others. You’re down while others are having the time of their lives. They put on their happy faces when in reality they are having their own struggle but you can’t see through the fog-filled false barriers they’ve built.
Today is one of those days. Superbowl parties will be had, food will be eaten and drinks will be gulped. It’s the good life, high and mighty, happy as a springtime lark. People will drive home drunk, punches will be thrown, guns will be pulled and people will die. That’s the fact! People from around the world in all walks of life will focus more on material obsessions than the reality of life being the ultimate end.
James 1:6-8 “But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.”
I can honestly say about the social media that it has been a lifeline for me to have virtual friends surround me and lift me in my darkest hours. I understand why some stay away, they think if they act like they don’t care the ‘c’ word won’t infect their lives or maybe they really don’t care. They have their own lives to worry about. Sorry people, we live in a toxic world and your days are as numbered as mine.
I’ve done a lot of research this past week and I’ve found some interesting tidbits. The cancer in me has been there as a tiny dust mote for eleven years or more, fertilized by the toxicity of the air I breathe and the unhealthy food I ate. With every breath and with every bite I nurtured its growth.
Now that the Conventional Clan (doctors) know that it is there, they all want to ‘help’. It’s like a person who wins a million dollars, friends and relatives all crawl out of the woodwork wanting a piece of the pie. In my case, they want to slice and dice me to charge the insurance while dipping into MY pie. (please, no pie jokes.)
If I hear one more time that they have made great strides in the cancer community, I may begin to allow anger to spew right into someone’s face, and we all know I am not about anger, I’m about HOPE! What strides? I’m a week into my research, the doctor’s who said we’ll be here for you, we’ll walk with you through this, have not contacted me once! All that my oncologist offered was chemotherapy, drugs for the sickness I’d feel, surgery and more drugs, then a year of radiation. Mind you, the drugs offered me come with those tiny print warnings about liver damage, suicidal tendencies, etc etc.
Let me ask, how is that a ‘great stride’ from when you were treated? What is different? Are you now the picture of health, no sicknesses, no health issues? Did the chemo NOT destroy your immunity?
My mother-in-law will come out to my house today to hug me. She needs that and honestly, I think I do too because all of these virtual hugs go right through me. (pun intended!) Today’s sermon was about attitudes changing everything. If my MIL needs to see me and hug me to help her deal and change her attitude about ANYthing, then I’m all for it. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Tomorrow is the assigned day that the navigator lady will call and try to guilt me into getting a PET scan (yeah, send radiation into my body) and to talk about the port I’ll need for chemo. You see, just those words alone freak me out. Gee lady, can I have more time, can I get another opinion, are there no other options?
You tell people you want to go holistic, and they say I’ll pray you ask God for guidance. What? Like this thought just jumped in my head, and I’m jumping off a bridge with no bungee cord to spring me back to reality? I’ve been praying, I came to this decision with HIM in mind, not you, not my family, not even me, with HIM! My goal in life is Him so whatever I need to reach that goal is between Him and Me.
Some will see it as courageous, some will see it as bravery, I see it as FAITH in the Almighty. God will allow you to rummage through this fantasy world, hiding behind virtual games, TV shows, and denial but eventually we will ALL need to see HIM as the end game, some sooner than others.
My message to you is this, if you’re not here for me in life as I minister to the WORD, please don’t appear after I’m gone asking what you could have done differently. Turn to HIM and try to understand exactly what His will is in YOUR life. He’s calling you and you need to hear. He’s calling me and I’m listening.
May the God of Life and Joy Be With you all!