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2 Sam. 23:4 “And he shall be as the light of the morning, when the sun riseth, even a morning without clouds; as the tender grass springing out of the earth by clear shining after rain.”

The days leading up to...

The days leading up to a chemo treatment are usually filled with anxiety. I try my meditation, my prayers, my refocusing of daily chores and hobbies, but still, I find I’m normal, in so much that, anxiety leaks through. 

I’ve been having good days filled with a lot of pain at night on my right thigh. I guess this is normal too, one of those lovely side effects. I try to understand what I signed up for but I honestly have no clue. I know I signed up for intravenous Herceptin, with no port, and it has side effects. What does it do? Well, one thing it doesn’t do is cure the Big C! It kind of sings it to sleep. 

Why do people assume that chemo is a cure? Do you not see the commercials from the ACS begging for money to help them FIND a cure? Sure they have treatments to prolong your life, but cure? THERE IS NO CURE! Just had to shout that out to those who are reading.

Here are the  COMMON side effects of Herceptin:

Diarrhea - nope
redness or irritation at injection (IV) site - well duh all needles have some pain/redness
muscle/joint/back pain - YES
stomach or abdominal pain - somewhat
Headache - not really
sleep problems (insomnia) - nope
nausea and vomiting (may be severe) _ thank God NO
weight loss - I sure hope not! Hard enough finding clothes now!
Rash - kinda
altered sense of taste - is that what that is?
mouth sores - nope
loss of appetite - still eating like a pig!
Tiredness - most definitely
cold symptoms such as stuffy nose, sinus pain, sneezing, or sore throat. - Runny nose, does that count?

Tell your doctor if you have serious side effects of Herceptin including:

bone pain,
increased coughing,
swelling of the hands/ankles/feet,
sudden unexplained weight gain,
unusual tiredness,
severe headache,
tingling or numbness (e.g., in the hands, feet, leg),
mental/mood changes, - going through menopause, so yes, before Herceptin days.
fast or pounding heartbeat, and
easy bruising or bleeding.

I don’t know the difference in BONE pain and muscle pain, I somewhat have an idea after breaking my femur. But…

THIS is the other DRUG he wanted me taking and I refused. The COMMON side effects alone scared the pants off of me! 

Common side effects of Femara include:

hot flashes,
warmth in your face or chest,
hair loss,
joint/bone/muscle pain,
tiredness,
unusual sweating or night sweats,
nausea,
diarrhea,
dizziness,
trouble sleeping,
drowsiness,
weight gain,
weakness,
flushing (warmth, redness, or tingly feeling),
headache,
constipation,
numbness/tingling/weakness/stiffness in your hand or fingers, or
pain in your hand that spreads to your arm, wrist, forearm, or shoulder.


I would hate to see what the more serious side effects are! When a trusted doctor tells you the side effects are a lot like menopause I beg to differ!!! Unless I’m a rarity among women!

This is MY choice of estrogen blocker that I showed him last Wednesday to see if he’ll ‘allow’ it in my regimen. I’m not giving him a choice.

DIM partial list of side effects:

This is not a complete list of side effects and others may occur.

One of the supplements used for estrogen dominance is diindolylmethane, or DIM, which is a natural plant-based chemical found in many cruciferous vegetables. The effects of cruciferous vegetables, such as cabbage, broccoli, and Brussels sprouts, are being studied as a treatment for cancer.[1] DIM works to create a healthy balance of estrogen and testosterone in your body and is available in capsules or tablets.

DIM Supplement warnings:
If you have a hormone-related condition, make sure to discuss DIM with your doctor, because it can sometimes block estrogen activity. Taking larger doses can be unsafe; possible side effects of using DIM supplements include headaches and nausea.

DIM Side Effects and Interactions
DIM is considered to be safe when consumed from natural sources at doses 100-200mg daily. Taking larger doses such as 600 mg each day, may cause side effects such as headaches, upset stomachs, and can cause reduced sodium levels in some people

TO ME, DIM is much safer than Femara and does the same thing in a natural way, albeit a tablet form. Yes, I’m still on a plant-based regimen! 

The Day of Dread and Doom came and looking for a chair in the chamber was almost impossible, filled with souls getting poison pumped into their systems, bald and aging, wrinkled and sagging. And then there was me with a puzzled look on my face wondering what on earth I was doing there.

The quick session was over (thirty minutes) and I was promised this one would not be as bad as the first session with the chills and pain. It was a lie as I arrived home, I went right to the bedroom cringed in pain, popping pill after pill to try and relieve some of this tension-wracked pain nursing my body and feeding the angst and desperation I never knew before.

Three hours of crying and wriggling in pain, I finally fell asleep. I woke but didn’t want to. I hurt like I’ve never hurt before. Eight years of arthritis and no meds, pain bearable but now, this pain was exhausting and unending. My mind was not accepting this. I did not in no way shape or form want to finish my life out in this kind of angst that is driving my body into the grave. My mind, almost gone. Is this what menopause is like? I don’t think so. Thank you, doctor, for bending the truth YET AGAIN!

Oh and my DIM supplement? He laughed in my face and offered me up another drug to kill me with less side effects. I said no ten times but his ears were obviously clogged so I appeased him, ok doctor, maybe next visit in three weeks.

It has been almost one week and I still feel like the crab on the ocean floor, sucking down the toxic poisons left behind. I still have my hard shell, I can still crawl and be plucked out of the water at any moment but for now, my body is filtering poison through my system and it’s not a pretty sight. Have you ever opened a crab up? Have you seen the filters and the yellow gunk that you’re told NOT to eat of the crab, just the meat? I don’t even have meat left to eat. I am a shell. My yellow gunk is on display. I have maintained my body weight since September, so I know I'm still fighting! 

My husband and son see this change in me; at their wit's end and hubby being sick with walking pneumonia, this isn’t going to fare well. Mother-in-law came out and I feel like she thinks this chemo is the cure-all I need and is good for me but then not after I tell her how it makes me feel. But then again, no one has a clue of the pain and isolation chamber I feel locked into.

I was strolling along enjoying life. Going to physical therapy three days a week when suddenly the rug was pulled out from under me and I fell, hard. Now, I get to the outside world, if I’m lucky, every three weeks for chemo. A doctor visit here and there. A stare out the window, a walk to the back door, and life going on in every way without me. I’m a shell with two eyeballs looking left and right and wondering, is someone going to get me out of here? 

I wake in the morning and don’t like who I see. I’m filled with anger, disgust, discouragement, hate, bitterness, pain and misery; all of these things are foreign to the me who just a month ago was enjoying the physical therapy, loving life and feeling God deep within every step I took. Now...it’s only fitting that during Lent, the season that is being swallowed up around me, I should be tempted and filled with everything the dark lord stands for. 

I’m here...waiting for the crab net to come swooping down. Run along now...it’s not a pretty sight.

Pss. 95:8 “Harden not your heart, as in the provocation, and as in the day of temptation in the wilderness:”

I’m hanging in here, Lord. Don’t leave me dangling...

Isa. 58:8 “Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the LORD shall be thy reward.”

The Bombardment: Doubt and Fear

Baltimore, Maryland - Fort McHenry

The Star Spangled Banner was written out there

Pss. 57:6 “They have prepared a net for my steps; my soul is bowed down: they have digged a pit before me, into the midst whereof they are fallen themselves. Selah.”

This week and last week I’ve been hit with a bombardment of emotions. I’d wake in the morning to tears, look out the window and all I saw was a dense fog, so deep there was no seeing a light, a blade of dead grass or even a winterized tree, just deep snow packed lawn, fields and a mist.

It all began as a flurry of uncertainty the minute I accepted chemo as a way to heal this crud. If you all have been with me throughout this ordeal you’ll know I’m dead set against chemo (no pun intended) as this being any form of healing. I see chemo as a death sentence and I can’t get past this unnerving grating feeling deep inside me.

At the beginning of this trial, the only family member I told was my niece. She was the only one I trusted to care. My hubby told his family also. I had expected care and compassion to crawl out of the woodwork but say the words ‘alternative’ to a conservative nation, you’re going to be met with a bombardment of questions and doubts and a sort of wall to be built that you’re not allowed over. All negativity I tried to avoid came creeping in, in unexpected ways! 

Here I am two years into this affliction and I’ve grown and have learned so much! My diet was never bad, I’ve been 125 -135 pounds since I was in my twenties. I didn’t keep that weight because I pigged out on all the wrong foods with no exercise. No, I pretty much cared for my health until about five years ago when living in a carnivorous world finally caught up to me. All the meat and potatoes could not be excreted quick enough with exercise, that’s for sure! But two years ago, with this diagnosis, I dove into research on natural treatments and possible cures for one of the deadliest diseases that in over one-hundred years has found no CURE! 

I found that a plant-based diet and supplementation could be the secret to healing and in two years, I’ve witnessed the success of MANY women going this route. No surgery, no chemo, no drugs, just the fruits of the earth to replenish their damaged body. I tried that route and was succeeding until last year when my world came crashing down. I realized I needed more than the food and supplements to get through this and it was the only reason I tried Oral Chemo.

What I was not expecting is finding a doctor I liked (finally) and being met with lies and fear tactics. The first doozy came in the way of telling me I should focus on the tumor/lesion on my brain. “OOPS, I must’ve been reading the wrong file, sorry.” There was no tumor, that was just a fear tactic to get me to jump into chemotherapy! Then there were the months he told me my markers were going down when in FACT they were rising! 

Assuming once again I’d jump into chemo, “Stop taking your meds, they’re not working!” 

I stopped taking my meds, I didn’t jump into chemo, then the disease started gnawing at my bones! I could FEEL it, chomping and weakening me. Doc says, “Now start taking your meds again until we get in here and get the poison in your veins to fight the battle.” 

All of the hard work I did at building up my strength in physical therapy was dwindling. I at one time was the champ of the place, meeting and exceeding my goals but just yesterday I came home and could hardly bend my knee. I climbed into bed and wrapped ice packs at different parts of my leg.

Last week I hit rock bottom. Feeling isolated and alone. Everyone seemingly has abandoned me except for my husband, son, my Physical Therapists and my loving Spiritual Online family. They are my anchors in getting me through this. Whether it’s through faith, religion, or just a positive presence, these people are the ones I’ll credit with any healing that takes place!  

I’ll be the first to admit, in all honesty, I even felt like God bailed on me. I’m just dangling on the end of this thread and it’s about to snap but luckily I’m grotesquely underweight that even a thread can hold me. Doubt and fear knocked on my door and like a fool, I let it walk right on in. 

I fear the chemo won’t work. I doubt that it is the cure all I seek. The doctor tells me of a lady who has been on Herceptin for TWENTY YEARS, and she’s still alive. And I’m supposed to find hope in that? I don’t! I will not be on this poison for one year let alone ten or twenty. That’s ridiculous! I’m concerned that the chemo, as I’ve read in all of my research, will destroy my immune system. For two years I have worked to build up my immune system! As I watch friends get sick month after month with a cold, flu, and any other illness, I’ve been the picture of health except for this one debilitating illness. I actually care about living and work my tail off to secure my strong immunity, now is chemo going to come in and destroy all I worked to build up? Am I going to lose MORE weight? How much can this tiny frail body take?

Again, feeling abandoned, I prayed. In the wee hours of the morning, for hours, I prayed. I woke to this message:

Prov. 13:12 (ESV) “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” 

That is exactly what happened with all the talk about chemo. It brought in negativity that I didn’t know how to deal with. I’ve shunned negativity for so long when it beats me over the head, I think it’s personal and wants to fight. I think that’s the city girl in me, always ready to battle. Chemo knocked all my hope out the door. 

So what is my desire? To live! I don’t want to live until I’m ninety, but a good seventy-five - eighty would be nice. There’s my hope, right there! 

The realization of HAVING to go the chemo route is this. My diet and exercise can only save so much of me. I live within one-hundred yards of a substation, an element that cannot be removed from this healing equation. Move? Not an option, it’s Nebraska, substations are a part of life. Money would help too, then I could move. Then there are crop dusters, dropping poison on the crops to save the crop from bugs while damaging humans in the process. Such is life, I’m surrounded by fields and fields of crop dusters. I also have dealt with black mold for the ten years here. Then there is the chronic illness I’ve had all of my life and that is psoriasis. Sure supplementation has put it to sleep over the years but I do deal with flare-ups on occasion. 

I’ve been back on my plant-based diet for about three weeks now. I will continue exercising as long as my broken body and weakened limbs allow. I'll continue to meditate and pray. I’ll waltz down the organic route, the non-chemical use of body lotions and sprays, shampoos and soaps. I’ll pursue doing my part of the healing, God will do His part in protecting me, and my family will continue doing what they do, live in a toxic world right along with me.

I will wake every day and see hope in the hopeless. I will pound through these doubts and fears. Next week will come and instead of tears, I will hold hope instead of kleenex. A smile in place of a frown. Joy instead of sorrow.  I heard yesterday someone say that the simplest form of bravery is choosing to wake and take a step. How true is that?

May God bless you all in the steps that you choose to take.

A Healing Journey: Understanding now...

Pss. 118: 23 “This is the LORD's doing; it is marvellous in our eyes.”

A healing journey: Understanding now…

What I didn’t know then

Ever since this healing journey began which pretty much feels like most of my life, flashbacks. Flashbacks are the instances you thought you long forgot but something triggers a memory and you wonder, where did that come from? I believe it is all part of the healing plan and releasing the old baggage to pack a new one filled with the good arsenal that remains. I’m beginning to understand now what I didn’t know then.

When I was diagnosed I kicked into research mode seeking out the causes of this disease and remedies because I knew that nothing I did in life was of the conventional method. I knew from the very beginning that the unconventional route was going to be my journey so I set out on a mission of research and understanding. The first thing I stumbled on was stress. Stress happens to be one of the main factors of many diseases we now know to inhabit our bodies. 

From the outside, you might look at people and say, ‘they don’t look like they have stress’ or you might think, ‘I don’t have any stress’. Allow me to tell you, we ALL have stress that has built up solid walls inside us that if not tackled and taken down WILL surface as an illness now or later in life. While PTSD is a well-known stress ‘disorder’, not reserved just for soldiers, people are reluctant to admit to their own stress disorder lurking like a shadowed grim reaper.

From the Science Daily link:
"Effects of stress on regulation of immune and inflammatory processes have the potential to influence depression, infectious, autoimmune, and coronary artery disease, and at least some (e.g., viral) cancers," the authors write. 

There is PROOF that stress triggers autoimmune disorders. Stress is linked to many other cardiovascular illnesses also. Just type stress and autoimmune into your ‘search’ box and see what pops up. Stress is a leading factor of death. The trick here is to not rely on drugs to assist you in healing. Drugs may be important for some things but not good as pacifiers that are only going to continue to disguise your symptoms. Later on, when you realize the drugs are not helping, you’re going to need to actually mentally DEAL with what caused the stress to begin with, one way or another.

For me, it’s in the way of flashbacks. I’ve had tons to deal with over my life but not as much as many other people, I know, but of course looking from the inside out mine is always bigger. I’m sure everyone feels that their stress is bigger than anyone else’s too. It’s like all this snow we’re getting in the beginning days of spring. Winter and Spring are having a wrestling match and since Spring moved into winter territory for years, winter now feels entitled to waltz right into spring terrain! My winter looks worse because I’m here living through it but when I look out at the world, this winter is mild compared to other states.

While healing from stress you need to look from the inside out. I thought I’ve cleaned out this closet so well that I could now head into an adventure filled path of healing. That’s funny because the more I clean out, the more secret compartments I find to dig into usually in the form of flashbacks. Just one little trigger memory exposes the hidden door. I believe this is where any prescription drugs you are taking masks the hidden compartments and you can’t find a complete healing. Doctor after doctor, therapist after therapist, there will be no healing as long as you’re on drugs; the compartments stay medicinally hidden.

I don’t have the luxury of drugs pacifying my memories and burying portions of my past. The shadow of doors are all open, it’s just a matter of seeing what is behind each one so I can face it head on, release the trauma, and edge my way to a healing spot in my journey. Recently, the further I climb down the rabbit hole the more flashbacks surface and expose an event I overlooked. Now where did that come from I think to myself, but then I know it is all part of the Master’s plan and a big player on my healing journey.

While I’m on the healing path I look out at those who are essentially stricken with the need to kill themselves on the drug route and face death. My brother, who fractured his hip over a month ago, was told he needed surgery. They’ve tried weaning him off alcohol and Oxycontin [gave him a different lethal drug], cigarettes [gave him the patch], and gave him physical therapy to try and mend the too far gone bones in his body. They told him not to walk on his one leg or it will put too much pressure on his already weakened legs. Word came through the wires that he is not listening to anything they’ve told him. How frustrating to hear. Nobody wants to listen and adhere. They all want to be part of the herd. 

I was told that chemotherapy might add a year or two to my life and the stubborn (or sound?) woman in me scoffed at their offer of drugs that would kill me quicker than any alternative route. I’m sure people laugh and shake their head at me, as they pop yet another pill. I’m sure there are people out there feeling like chemotherapy saves lives, but they’re also waiting for the bomb to drop that well, guess what, the disease is back, the pacifier failed.

As my flashbacks open further doorways in my healing, I hurt for the many who basically live with all of the doors closed and are only willing to follow the herd. I crave life and living while they feed off of neutrality. I long to stand firm and walk on my path while others take the train. I wonder if they knew now what they didn’t know then would anything change, or would they allow fear to reign?

A quote from a Dr. Coldwell:
"Needle biopsies, for example. People need to understand that a tumour is there to save your life. When your body is full with poison, toxaemic and acidosis and you are basically going to die of that poison – your body builds a bag and collects all the poison from your body into this bag, which they call a tumour. So the body did all the work. And now they come and they say "We need to do a needle biopsy." and pinch into this highly toxic tumour; which of course now explodes and pours all the poison into the body. And then they say "You have a very fast growing, very aggressive form of cancer." They GAVE it to you. They created it.

And most cancers disappear on their own anyway, because about 7-10 times, everybody has cancer in their lifetime. If you don’t become unlucky enough to fall into the hands of a medical professional and get a test done and they tell you that you have something bad going on; and the very next day, can start murdering you with chemotherapy, which is based on mustard gas. Mustard gas is forbidden after the Geneva Convention as a war chemical; they put it into your bloodstream and radiate you to death. Or cut you surgically – which always spreads the cancer." – Dr. Leonard Coldwell

"Cancer is not an illness – cancer is a symptom. These cancerous growths, the cell growths, whatever it might be, that we don’t want in our body, is a symptom; it is not the cancer. So cutting the symptom out does not resolve your problem, at all. And that's why it reappears. Or why they kill the entire body with chemotherapy for two years. Now, anything shrinks. Your organs shrink, the brain shrinks – and the tumour shrinks. Because they dehydrate the body. So now, at the same rate at your organs are shrinking, your tumour is shrinking. Now they say "It's working. The tumour is shrinking." It's [chemo] one of the biggest frauds ever." – Dr. Leonard Coldwell

Clearly - Grace Vanderwaal

Ever Changing

Heb. 13:8 “Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.”

Nothing Stays the Same

As time passes by we see change whether it be in our physical or spiritual growth, our hair, our lifestyle, or our habits, nothing stays the same, it all advances over time. One thing I can assure you is that God does not change, He stays the same for you and me, I believe so we don’t get lost in confusion like every wind of doctrine that flows down the pike or every headline that grabs our attention.

Even the machine that runs our body like our organs, immune system, and DNA has remained the same since the very first man walked the earth. Sure they change with the abusive or neglectful treatment we give them. The more we try to destroy our organs the harder they fight to live for us. I wonder why when someone kills themselves we call it a suicide but when people slowly kill themselves over the years, we call it bad life choices? Is there a difference? Sure, shock value. That has to be it.

There was a day when the word cancer never graced the lips of even the elite doctors. It really didn’t become a problem until the advent of technology. The Industrial Revolution took its toll on our health and well-being with car emissions, processed food, and so much more. We embraced this new age of speed like a kid to candy, we took harmful pathogens at face value never caring if they were damaging parts of our bodies that might not ever be able to recover.

In countries where food is scarce, the Big C is minimal. Why, because those people have to eat off of the land. Here in the Western Civilization, we’ve been given toxins in abundance. It’s as if our government is TRYING to slowly kill us and from the zombie's I see walking around, Americans are all okay with being the cows led to slaughter. And we wonder why people just snap, eh?

Kristi Funk, a breast surgeon to Joanna Kerns, is noted on record as saying this about BC, “It (BC) is under our control and has to do with lifestyle choices, which we can absolutely control,” she says. “If all women would control these things to her best ability, we could absolutely eradicate 50 to 90 percent of all breast cancer.”

If you read from the link, you’ll see that I didn’t pull this dietary change out of my hat and I’m crazy insane (okay, that’s a given) but seriously this is REAL. I’ve done an immense amount of research, and have come up with the best method of saving myself, with the hand of God of course. Maybe it is time for people to wake up and see their surroundings and understand what is REALLY killing them. If you have ills and pains the cause 99.9% of the time is all found in your dietary habits. I know some people are stronger than others in curtailing the abusive behavior to their body but it is not too late to change.

We live in a fast-paced, hurry up, me-first world. We wander from one fast food restaurant to the next looking for the better tasting-deal to feed our faces. We sometimes buy a salad because we’re trying to falsely tell our minds and bodies that we’re eating well. We go to higher-end restaurants because we think they will sell better-for-us food when in a nutshell, they are feeding you contaminated toxic beef/chicken/turkey/fish all GMO modified at some point and your veggies were all treated with round-up. Just short of adding round-up as a condiment with the salt-n-pepper shakers, that you’d NEVER use, but the glyphosate toxin is okay if it is hidden in your food. There’s something wrong with that.

You may reason with yourself that glyphosate is only toxic when taken in at high amounts, you’d probably more than likely be right. Allow me to say, the crops of this western world have been chemically treated FOR YEARS, so yeah, taken in small doses there is no rise in you becoming a cancer statistic, but eaten daily over say ten-fifty years? You’ll SEE why there is a rise in cancer/illness rates. You don't just easily excrete the toxins, like an oil spill in the Pacific, there is always damage left behind.

Funny (not really) how the news media is quick to report (falsely or otherwise) of someone’s death but report about ways to prevent or CURE an illness? Yeah, healthy speak is taboo in this demented nation.

We’re supposed to follow along like kids being led by a rope to all stay together. We’re being herded into a corral of overweight, slowly withering human beings. We’re addicted to food and we ‘try’ our best to overcome our food addiction. As we feed our faces, dripping with gravy, washing our meal down with a KNOWN toxic ‘diet’ cola, we don’t feel good about our choices but we do nothing to change. or stop the poison from entering your mouth. 

Change is for the warriors, change is for leaders, and change is for other people. You know, even God changed His mind. Do you remember the story in Genesis about the tree of good and evil? Adam and Eve were told to NOT eat of the tree or surely they would die!

Gen. 3:3-4 “But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:”

Gen. 1:29 “And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.”

She ate of the tree; while they didn’t physically die, on the day that Eve devoured the forbidden food, a part of our souls perished that we fight like warriors to regain. That is all I’m courageously doing in this healing phase of my life, regaining what was lost.

The most I’ve learned since this illness is that God wants us, yes US, to be disciplined. To learn discipline we must endure pain. We must become warriors of not only the physical world but also the spiritual world, which in the end basically, is where we wind up.

My challenge for you today is this - Don’t just vocalize the words of the bible actually LIVE the Word! Become disciplined. Change your world, become the warrior God created you to be.

Job 36:10 “He openeth also their ear to discipline, and commandeth that they return from iniquity.”

It Strikes Me...

Prov. 31:25 (NLT)“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” 

It strikes me…

Well, it hit me again, I was walking through Wal-Mart and it strikes me as odd at a number of people not even paying attention to what they’re buying. They just look, grab, and place the merchandise in the cart. Me, I’m scanning every label, reading every ingredient, more times than not replacing the product back on the shelf, even when it says organic.

Now that I know what I’m looking for at the store, it sure makes shopping much easier, because I can avoid the aisles with stuff I don’t need and if hubby wants something, he goes off on his own to get it without making me venture down the ‘toxic aisles’.

Then something hit me this week. I rounded the bakery section and was heading to the checkout and it caught my eye, a pink shirt with the decal on it ‘FIGHT FOR THE CURE’. As I got closer to the shirt, touched it, looked at the bold lettering and the pink ribbon, tears began to well up in my eyes, but I didn’t want to cry in Wal Mart. I knew what the shirt was saying, I knew all too well. 

You see, I always looked at those things and just became saddened for other women who fought, were fighting, or had lost someone. But for me? I never associated the pink with me. I never saw myself as a ‘one day that’ll be me’, no, I never let it cross my mind, I never grasped that straw.

And here I was gazing down at the pink shirt, touching the fabric, running my fingers over the letters and realizing it is me. That decal is referring to me. I’m one of them; one of the hundreds of thousands of women who this pink ribbon stands for. I felt small, I felt like an ant in the middle of the store with all the big humans passing by not seeing me carrying the heavy crumb. They were passing by not giving me a second glance. I was nothing on their radar. They were hurried and rushed and I stood there just looking at this shirt.

I let it go. I didn’t want the pink, I didn’t want to associate with what the shirt stood for. I in no way wanted any part of it. Just like the disease that is running through the very cells of my body, I don’t want any part of it. I seek normal, I just want what I deemed to be normal back and yet as I run my mind through the reality of it all, I have to let it go. Normal will never come back and this new lifestyle is the new normal for me. I have to accept that.

As we were driving home I asked my husband what the shirt said. My brain to me said FIGHT THE CURE, and my husband said no, it said fight FOR the cure. So as I held that pink shirt in my fingers, my mind was telling me a truth FIGHT THE CURE. That is my reality. THAT is the shirt I want to wear.

To me fighting FOR the cure could mean giving the oncologist their rights in filling innocent women with poisons. It is putting your support behind the victimization going on and treating everyone like little gathering ants. Give them a crumb here and there but don’t you dare give them wings! Ants can’t fly and by allowing them to think they can is going to start an entire new breed of ants! Fight FOR the cure could also mean that there has been no cure found. The oncologists give you pacifying drugs but chemo is in NO WAY the cure, so we women must FIGHT FOR THE CURE to be found.

And to me FIGHTING the CURE means just that, fight the very thing that doctors are feeding millions of women. Fight what truth they believe and set out to find your own leg to stand on. Fight everything they hold like poisons to be the ‘cure’. Because as I’ve learned over these past eight months, the doctors are only selling you what the pharmaceuticals are selling them. I could be 100% wrong, but again, all that I’ve learned in the past eight months tells me that I and thousands of other people are feeling the same thing I am and trusting their instincts and finding what works for them!

Our bodies were created with an immune system. That immune system is in place as a healing mechanism that the human body utilizes. To me, not trusting God’s creating abilities, is in a sense not trusting God at all. When you look at a DNA strand, do you realize how intricate that strand is and all it stands for? The strand is God in an intimate shower within you.

Hebrews 4:16, “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (NIV)

When you were little, didn’t you come to depend and trust your father? You looked up to him and held him in the highest esteem and trust. When he told you something, you believed it to be true and to this day, I can almost guarantee you utter the words from time to time, “My daddy always said…”
Why would we think that our Heavenly Father is any different than ‘our daddy’? 

If truth be told. God is our daddy and we can trust Him as we walk. Just like your earthly father, He will never lead us down the wrong path. We’ll stumble, we’ll fall but he’ll see to it that his gentle loving hand lifts you back up and sets you on the right path again. We just have to trust Him like we trusted our daddy all of our lives. He did NOT give me this illness, that’s like saying he led down the wrong path like he made me destroy my body. Nope, we all know where sin comes from and my torturous life led me to this illness, not God. 

It strikes me as kind of odd that people put more trust in a human than the intricate, intimate Creator. Maybe it’s just me; maybe I’m the odd one. I separate myself from this disease so it doesn’t own me. I face the enemy with the Sword of Truth. I strike the lies before it strikes me!

James 4:8, “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” (ESV)

Our Daily Bread

Matt. 6:11 "Give us this day our daily bread."

Daily Bread of life

Did you know that doctors are legal drug dealers, they are not our bread of life? If you go to a doctor chances are you’re being dealt legal drugs. You think because he/she is a doctor they know what is best for you for certain. I think we blindly walk into the office thinking this man or woman has got the cure our bodies’ desire.

The mind is a powerful essence. Have you ever gone into a doctors office, left with a prescription, got it filled and went home and popped the pill in your mouth? Did you do any research on the dangers of the drug first? Of course you didn’t because you trust that the doctor knows what is best for you. Your mind is conditioned to believe anything a doctor says.

If you watch television, I’m sure you’ve seen the legal drug commercials, you know, the ones telling you they have the cure for cancer, arthritis, MS, depression and a host of other illnesses. It shows a beautiful, thin person, running, jogging, smiling, no sign of pain? Yeah, because she’s on drugs. She is now a drug addict. A legal drug addict but a drug addict nonetheless.

Did you ever listen to the extremely quickly spewed side effects? May cause liver damage, suicidal tendencies, migraines, brain fog, heart palpitations, skin disease and more. This is what the legal drug dealers sell to YOU! You’re fine with it because the person that sold them to you is a doctor and he MUST know what he’s doing right, he wouldn’t basically kill you now, would he?

I, along with you, have seen too many stars die from these legal drugs just to name some from my era, Michael Jackson, Prince, and Robin Williams. I know you’re gonna say that they abused these prescribed drugs but the truth of the matter is, they TRUSTED their doctor, just like you, to cure them of what ailed them. They too did not read of the side effects because they TRUSTED their doctor.

When I was diagnosed with this dreaded disease and they wanted to sell me their product with words like cure, cure, cure, life, life life, do it, live. The words echoed in my mind like a tuning fork. When I very simply, calmly asked for time to think about it, research the drugs, there was marked frustration and anger filling their voices. I’m talking two oncologists, trained doctors whose job it is to heal! The Hippocratic Oath jargon? They don’t heal; they are drug dealers, nothing more. The antagonists went on to say words like non-committal, fear, and death. Yes sir, those are words you want to hear from a doctor. I myself would like to hear words like heal, health, nutrition, but it is not to be so with doctors, the majority of them anyway.

From Wikipedia: “It is often said that the phrase "First do no harm" (Latin: Primum non nocere) is a part of the Hippocratic oath. The phrase as such does not appear in the oath, although the oath does contain Latin: ... noxamvero et maleficium propulsabo (Also ... I will utterly reject harm and mischief). The phrase "primum non nocere" is believed to date from the 17th century (see detailed discussion in the article on the phrase).

The very Oath that a doctor will swear by is to DO NO HARM, yet they prescribe drugs that are basically going to destroy that which God made. I find it kind of ironic that some dentists don’t like to prescribe antibiotics or pain medications. The dentist I went to told me that the body was made in such a way to heal itself, antibiotics can hinder the immune system from doing what it was made to do.

Faced with this illness, research led me to the prescribed antibiotics I took as a child for mononucleosis, tooth loss, infections, and mercury fillings; as a child! Yes, the illnesses and the prescribed drugs have now come back to haunt me.

So as you sit there ingesting drugs on a daily basis, try to think of the illnesses that ARE going to strike you down the road and rest assured they will strike. What is going to be your first line of defense, taking more drugs from the pill pushing doctor? Sure, because you don’t believe that health and nutrition are the actual cures.

Our daily healthy life sustaining bread has been in us all along and we only needed to tap the source to find a healing or a CURE for ANYTHING that ails us! God wasn’t messing around when He created us, He made our systems in such a fashion that we have the ability within us to heal. Granted, we DO need doctors because we’ve ignored the Holy Spirit, the sustaining waters and bread of life, all of our lives and now we need a pacifier to make us feel all better and to shut us up, we’re programmed that way.

Luke 4:4 "And Jesus answered him, saying, It is written, That man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word of God."

The Challenge

Pss.46:1 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”

The Challenge

When I was first diagnosed back in January, the first couple of days were filled with tears, sifting through junk, tossing unnecessary things out, feeling sorry for myself and accepting my impending demise. There’s nothing like a wake-up call when facing our own mortality.

I knew what the diagnosis was going to call for and pardon the pun but I was dead set against chemotherapy. My gut instinct told me that this was not my route, I had an even more challenging route to take.

The question was, am I up for the challenge? I had questions and needed to sort through the tangled mess. I needed to pray, meditate and trust. Trust all that God was going to tell me and be strong with whatever He told me. This is where discernment comes into play. Knowing what is from God and what is not!

I said to myself, if the oncologist is willing to work with me, I’ll go the chemo route. I have no idea about these matters or doctors in general so I seriously had no idea what I was thinking. I’ll say brain fog but the confusion was more than that, it was the stigma surrounding the diagnosis, inevitable doom.

The first oncologist flat out would not work with me or tell me anything I could do to help the chemo not have such extremely bad side effects. So I basically had my answer. Then I chose a second oncologists opinion just to be sure my alternative route was not something made up in my mind and that this is really the route God had planned for me. 

I prayed flat out, if this is the route to be set before me, let this oncologist be the one who will work with me. Again, the doctor threw his arms up and declared a stance of no there is no alternative, chemo can give you ten years of life. SAY WHAT? Ten years? Suppose I want twenty? Well, he assured me chemo could not guarantee me that far of a lifespan. From my research, I found that most assuredly the Big C would invade my body again somewhere else or some other illness would attack and take me out. Yes, dire prognosis to say the least.

I knew when I was first diagnosed the treatment *I* wanted to take and that was the health treatment. The oncologists cemented my decision. I wanted a treatment that will keep me feeling good every waking day until a doctor comes along and says, the disease has invaded your entire body and we can do nothing for you. I don’t see that happening because health over drugs is the way I NEED to go. God told me quite bluntly that it would be the challenge of my lifetime. 

My husband said something the other night, he asked, “Do you think more people choose chemo because it’s just easier than changing their diet?” I had to say, “It might be that and the fear and that they’re not offered any other option.” People, even at stage one are given a dire prognosis. They’re told that chemo is the only way to go, mainly because they [the doctors] themselves are NOT informed of any other way to go. They’re taught to push chemo and that is what they do to keep food on their plate and money in their pockets. 

I in no way think chemo is the ‘easier’ route. I think that is one of the most difficult things to do in your life, basically give yourself over to the medical profession, trust them, and they use you as a lab rat and with fingers crossed, hope you’re their success story. And we all know what happens when you’re not their success story right? You become a statistic. 

I think changing my diet is my only way out since I don’t see any other option. I told God I was up for the challenge and that is when He said, “I GOT THIS!” All the way, not a portion of the way down the road he’ll drop me like a potato sack on the side of the road and leave me for dead. Nope, we’re in this together, ALL THE WAY! 

My first step? See what other survivors who chose the alternative route have done! That is when I fell into the Chris Beat Cancer modules, for FREE mind you, right when I needed them! Also, that is when The Truth About Cancer modules fell into my lap, again, for FREE!!! Coincidence? I do not believe in coincidence! There is no such thing! 

Guide to clean and dirty fruits and veggies -  A great link with many more than the dirty dozen fruits and veggies. I've learned a lot in these past three months.

Here are some healthy recipes - An excellent link to eating healthy!  

After that my research was being dropped in my lap daily, I didn’t have to dig through articles and recipes, I rarely hit google search for anything because everything was either finding me or I fell upon it like finding a diamond in the coal mines. I don’t believe in luck either so what could this path be guiding me to or whom is the guide? GOD! Plain and simple, GOD! 

Everything happened in His time and in His way from the diagnosis to the healing, so I know it is He that is leading me down this path. Why? Because I need to show the unsuspecting, unknowing victims that there IS another choice! Don't let fear run your healing race. Take CONTROL of your destiny and stand firmly with God.

I’ve come across people who’ve said, “I live a vegan lifestyle and was still diagnosed!” 
I’m going to tell you all, it is NOT just about eating healthy! It is about balance, eating the right kind of meats sparingly, balancing the what and whens of eating.
It’s about healing past pains!
It’s about DETOXING your organs, because if you’re fighting this illness, then your organs are damaged and need mending.
It’s about finding the right vitamins, nutrients, herbs, fruits and vegetables and allow them to work WITH you. 
It’s about looking at the labels on foods and STOP eating processed food!
Stop feeding the disease and it will stop killing you.
It’s about being one with God and giving Him full control and trusting Him. A lot of people falter on this one for fear of giving up control of their illness. I hate to burst your bubble but God has been in control since conception!

 The Body Proves a Creator

No doctor will EVER tell you that nutrition will help you, you need a nutritionist for that and if you’re on a tight budget, you’re on your own, because nutritionists are far and few between.

Here’s a reasonable supplement store but again, read the labels, you want the purest possible:
I find my soaps and deodorants here also as well as Frankincense, Myrrh, Epsom Salt and Magnesium oil.

Pss. 45:8 “All thy garments smell of myrrh, and aloes, and cassia, out of the ivory palaces, whereby they have made thee glad.”

Here are some more added links you might find useful even if you’re not fighting the BigC. Changing your diet will help many illnesses including high blood pressure, heart disease, type2Diabetes and more!

The Health Benefits of Onions

My eight wonders of the world; yes all are a part of my daily new lifestyle

Is this path my easy way out? I think you’ll agree, it is a challenging route, to say the least, and no weaker person could be up to the challenge. Like fighting any illness, it is a challenge every day and one we must all take, on our own, if we are ever to live a normal, vibrant, pain-free life again.

1 Cor. 9:24 "Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain."

Poetry Sunday ~ Dry My Tears

Pss. 6:6 “I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears.”

Dry my Tears

The sun slants over the horizon

Fears in the night fall asleep

A new day dawns of which I wake

Darkness slides into the deep.

Tears they dry by mornings’ breath

I dare not tell a soul

My heart it hides a rhythmic beat

Broken body bears the toll

Silence slithers in morning mist

Unspoken words decay

Alone am I on desolate land

Dried are tears I face the day

Frost it hides from rising sun

Scattered is the cold

It is with Light I dry my tears

Amid the mornings gold.

Pss. 116:8 “For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling.”

*This poem was worthy of a repost from Oct. 2016

(c) all rights reserved

Beating Cancer: One Day at a Time

Jer. 17:14 “Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise.”

You Are What You Eat

I think I’m officially a fruitivore, a term I stole from Dr. Morse. I’ve never looked at so many cancer-fighting videos/pages in my life, and more than likely, neither have you. Why, because cancer equals death in many a mind. We’ve been conditioned to believe that cancer is a death sentence, not a second chance to change your lifestyle and eating habits.

Many people hear the word cancer from their doctor and right beside those terms are chemotherapy and radiation treatments. They NEVER suggest a second option or even a possibility of a second option. They themselves have been conditioned, trained, to tell you that chemo is the only way to go and rarely will you find an oncologist that will render ‘other’ options.

You hear those words cancer/chemo and you allow fear to help you make the decision only because you yourself have believed all along that cancer equals death. Did you know that cancer is a billion dollar industry? That’s right folks, along with the pharmaceutical corporations, your cancer is right up there with the biggest money making ‘industry’.  

Doctor’s are not trained to tell you of other option and the only reason is because that is money lost, out the door, not in their pocket! They prescribe meds like a corner candy store and we the people assume they are right because well, that’s what we believe. After being told over a lifetime that doctors know what’s best for us, we begin to believe it and think ourselves less knowledgeable because we don’t hold a diploma from the medical field.

Never before in time has there been so much access to knowledge. Doc’s will say, you can’t believe EVERYTHING you read on the internet, this is true, but as a writer, I don’t take the first lie/truth as concrete, I dig and dig and find multiple places where these facts are. It’s called research! 

Some people are so quick to believe something they just read, they post it on social media without doing a little digging to see if it is the truth! Last year's election proved that lies are not concrete truth! And you know what else, you look like a sucker when you believed all the lies all along. 

That is exactly what is happening with the cancer industry. By the way, how does the term ‘cancer industry’ sound to you? To ME it sounds like I’m being taken for a ride because I have a disease that doctor’s use to make their money. Imagine if everybody sought out alternative treatment, these doctors would monetarily be in a heap of trouble. I imagine their caviar consumption would go down quickly.

Now let me tell you, had my oncologist told me if I don’t get chemo I’d die in six months, I might have jumped at the chemo just because I don’t want to die. It would have been a nice fear tactic and one I might have bought. Forget about all the people leaving this earth at the hands of chemo. But no, the oncologist didn’t tell me that and kind of brushed me off when I mentioned holistic healing as if my body, my disease was not a choice that I’m ALLOWED to decide on how to handle treatment. My instincts told me I was being swindled and I usually listen to my GUT INSTINCTS! 

What am I doing to heal myself? MASSIVELY changing my diet for one.
Every body is different and what works for some, may not work for others. With that in mind my research has led me all over the place in three weeks and what is working for me, is the massive change and added supplements to my diet. I could use more supplements but as I said the other day, no money, no more supplements than what I already have. And this is a two- year program to be completely rid of cancer.

Yesterday I listed all of the supplements I’m taking (yesterday I added a garlic tablet) although I eat gobs of garlic, I still felt I needed more. I’ve modified the diet I’m on to suit ME and the funds I have to spare on it, otherwise, this is all for naught and I might as well go the chemo route and die. 

You see, to ME, chemo is a death sentence, not cancer. Someone said to me something like, “If all that you need is hoity-toity supplements and change your diet, wouldn’t you hear about it more and of the survivors?” You know what I have to say to that? Did you have any idea Trump was going to become President of the United States? No? WHY? Because we are only told what the media and press WANT you to hear! Repeat after me, A BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY!

There are thousands of people out here surviving cancer WITHOUT chemo! Chris Beat Cancer was in stage four! He’s alive twelve years after skipping chemo. There are testimonies all over the internet that support the non-chemo route but you WILL NOT hear about them because the billion dollars they’re making on cancer would collapse and go bankrupt! They can’t allow that now can they? 

I’m going to do a You Are What You Eat series and take you on the journey of what I eat daily. This is just the beginning and this diet is a ninety-day process to see massive change! Three months to know if the cancer is going out the door or whether it is growing and spreading. I think six months of continued therapy MY way will tell me more. It is MY life, MY body and I control what is going to happen. Along with God, my greatest champion, I will either fail or succeed.  If my doctor says something on Tuesday that will change my course of action, then I’ll let you know. Continued prayers as I journey through this.

Jer. 30:17 “For I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee of thy wounds, saith the LORD; because they called thee an Outcast, saying, This is Zion, whom no man seeketh after.”

Moving Along With Cancer

Matt. 14:14 "And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick."

Moving Along with Cancer

I’d like to first share the Sunday mother-in-law visit. I had told her not to come with pity on her shoulders and she stayed true to form. While I know she is a very emotional person and can drop a tear quicker than you can bat an eyelash, she stayed a pillar of strength that I’ve come to know and love.

She more or less came to understand where I am coming from and I think I assured her that this decision of not going the chemo route was not entered into lightly and that God himself is the one encouraging me and keeping me looking up, not down.

She came bearing a Primrose plant and a smile. As we sat at the table and she asked how I was doing and I told her good, she looked doubtful and began to well up. I jumped into preacher mode. “Really I’m fine. No, the news wasn’t good, but the way I’m handling this shift in my lifestyle is pretty amazing.” The tear never made it out of her eyes, I had shocked her I think.

I went on to talk about the chemo effects and I mentioned how her sister-in-law was lying in the very position I never want to be in, with tubes feeding me and laying there waiting to die. She admitted only knowing two or three people who’ve fought the battle and outwardly are showing signs of winning the battle, but I wonder what those people live like daily. Drugs? Medication? What are they doing to keep the cancer from coming back? Relying on drugs or have they too had a major lifestyle change?

As hard as it may be to face the truth, I know for a fact of three people in her life who lost the battle or are losing the battle as I write. Am I wrong for not wanting to become one of those statistics? She even told me to my face that if she found out today that she had cancer, she don’t think she’d do the chemo. I don’t know if she was just saying that to console me or if she was seriously thinking that at 71 years of age, to her it might not be worth the fight.

I know I’m only fifty years old and the chemo might be a route someone my age would jump at, but my lifestyle of sugars and high carb living has abruptly come to halt. I am on an attack the immune system mode with greens, not fake or frozen, the real deal. And as you can imagine the vegetables are almost as expensive as the essential supplements I need to win this race.

My friends are pulling through for me along with two (count 'em, TWO) family members who have reached out to help monetarily or any other way they can. I don’t think people realize that the smallest dipping into helping me is helping me in a major way. 

You don’t have to go the pay pal route in helping me, if you’re in a pharmacy and see some Vit. C, omega3 vitamins, iodine, calcium, magnesium, curcumin or selenium you’d like to pick up for me and mail to me, just ask for my address. I have an arsenal I’m using and I only have so far a months supply and if I don’t get more, well you know, nothing good will come of that. I’m even accepting cards (virtual or physical) of well-wishes or loving words of encouragement. This is a tough battle that I wouldn’t wish on anyone and to go it alone? No way! 

If you look at that picture of me and think she’s a beautiful lady, know that there isn’t one false hair on my head. I’ve cut my own hair since I was about thirteen, and it is only lightened by the suns caressing rays. I wouldn’t know what a manicure or a pedicure are (never appealed to me). All of my life all that I’ve ever strived for was being a child of God and NOT of this world. What you see is a woman who’s first crush was Christ and it still tickles me at the thought of Him opening the door for me when I reach heaven’s gate. 

I am a selfless soul that will march on in a storm of blazing Glory fighting this battle before me. I will praise God for every soul who is drawn to me and for the ones who fear me. I will not hold any bitterness towards the family members who feel nothing for me. My apologies, this battle is not about you and what I did or didn’t do right for you, this is about the battle to stay alive for my husband and my son. 

The ‘navigator’ lady called me yesterday as I was veggie shopping; as my phone rang my heart started beating faster, my palms went sweaty and I almost vomited in WalMart as the anxiety took hold of my being. I turned my phone off only to turn it back on to call my mother last evening. 

I calmed down only after returning home and realizing I am loved, I have veggies, vitamins and I’m going to win this battle! 

She called this morning and I was in fighting mode. I spit questions at her immediately. What stage of cancer is this? 
"She don't know yet, it IS HER2 positive". (That tells me a lot)
How is Vitamin C considered alternative medicine? 
“We don’t do that here.” 
Is chemotherapy going to cure me? * silence * Silence that lasted too long, “I’m writing.” I assumed taking notes for her line of defense. And so the story goes. She has all of the answers for the chemo treatment but has nothing for a defense to my inquisitive mind. I did tell her that this is my body and my fight, I need someone who can work with me on a mutual conclusion. 
“Did you want to get a second opinion?”
And so the fun of the merry-go-round begins. 

She did return a call and said she had more answers for me. Obviously, I hit her with so many questions, she needed time to research the answers. A war of wits? I let it go to voicemail as I need peace and calm before I can listen to her rhetoric again. 

Positive thoughts and prayers PLEASE. This whole situation is trying to grate on my serene power of healing and I WILL NOT let it in! God and His army of angels surround me! We’ve seen this battle before! 

Think of cancer as an enemy that is attacking your cells from the inside, standing up and shouting, “We own you!” Think of detoxifying your body as a way of saying “NO! Green (organic) vegetables own me!” Bread doesn’t own me, pasta or sugar are not my friends and meat, unless it is pasture fed on non-chemically treated grounds is toxins that cancer LOVES to breed in. 

My battlefield, for now, is GREEN and Grace! And I can honestly say this is the best I’ve ever felt in my life! 

My arsenal:

10 Natural Cance Treatments 

Cancer Tutor

The Truth About Cancer

Holistic Protocol

Chris Beat Cancer

Iodine

Alternative Breast Cancer Treatment

And a host of other sites and avenues that will become links on my page very soon!

If my journey saves ONE life, then it's a journey worth traveling!

God Bless you all!

~ I Hit The Nail On The Head ~

Pss, 31:3 “For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name's sake lead me, and guide me.”

I Hit The Nail on the Head

People are afraid because all along they are proclaiming a strong faith in the Lord, but with my illness and the route I’m taking is having them question where all of MY faith in God comes from, they might be a little puzzled. It may have them questioning their OWN faith and where their allegiance stands. My friend told me I have an infectious faith and if that is what God is using me for then I am honored. 

I feel sorry for the ones who think money is going to buy them life. The more they spend the more they think disease and illness will stay away. They think the more insurance they have will save them in the end. They’ve put their faith in the Almighty Dollar saving them and not the Almighty Lord and Creator who has the actual POWER to save!

I could sign up for years worth of chemo, radiation and breast slaughter but you know, I could be hit by a car in mid-treatment and left for dead. If I ever did decide to go the chemo route you might as well think me dead. I will pull out of sight, I will stop writing my thoughts and keep it all to myself. You’ll look for me but the shredded remnants will be long gone. I’ll wither and die having all hope lost to the pressure of what YOU (man) want for me and not what ‘I’ want. 

Let me ask you this, why did or would you sign up for chemo? For you, your family, to add a few extra years to your life? If you cry for me as I’m making the hardest decision of my life, is it sorrow for yourself for what you could have done, pity that you didn’t do more or the feeling that you’ve lost control of a situation.

Rom 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

https://www.youcaring.com/jonibrandt-750269

Life is difficult and full of trials and we are to consider it joy because our God is exceedingly good. We mature through trials. The trials in our life are the tools God uses to make us the people he needs us to be. God uses you to show others His light and love and the surrounding joy by God making himself available to YOU. 

Jame 1:2-4 “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.”

I cry out, 'I believe but help my unbelief.' You have the faith but you hear doubt. This is normal as God is building His palace in us. He is using you to bring a light to the world. God is the author and perfector of our faith.

The social media scene like facebook, twitter, Instagram and YouTube are lead sources of depression. Why because you’re always comparing yourself to others. You’re down while others are having the time of their lives. They put on their happy faces when in reality they are having their own struggle but you can’t see through the fog-filled false barriers they’ve built.

Today is one of those days. Superbowl parties will be had, food will be eaten and drinks will be gulped. It’s the good life, high and mighty, happy as a springtime lark. People will drive home drunk, punches will be thrown, guns will be pulled and people will die. That’s the fact! People from around the world in all walks of life will focus more on material obsessions than the reality of life being the ultimate end.

James 1:6-8 “But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.”

I can honestly say about the social media that it has been a lifeline for me to have virtual friends surround me and lift me in my darkest hours. I understand why some stay away, they think if they act like they don’t care the ‘c’ word won’t infect their lives or maybe they really don’t care. They have their own lives to worry about. Sorry people, we live in a toxic world and your days are as numbered as mine. 

I’ve done a lot of research this past week and I’ve found some interesting tidbits. The cancer in me has been there as a tiny dust mote for eleven years or more, fertilized by the toxicity of the air I breathe and the unhealthy food I ate. With every breath and with every bite I nurtured its growth.

Now that the Conventional Clan (doctors) know that it is there, they all want to ‘help’. It’s like a person who wins a million dollars, friends and relatives all crawl out of the woodwork wanting a piece of the pie. In my case, they want to slice and dice me to charge the insurance while dipping into MY pie. (please, no pie jokes.)

If I hear one more time that they have made great strides in the cancer community, I may begin to allow anger to spew right into someone’s face, and we all know I am not about anger, I’m about HOPE! What strides? I’m a week into my research, the doctor’s who said we’ll be here for you, we’ll walk with you through this, have not contacted me once! All that my oncologist offered was chemotherapy, drugs for the sickness I’d feel, surgery and more drugs, then a year of radiation. Mind you, the drugs offered me come with those tiny print warnings about liver damage, suicidal tendencies, etc etc. 

Let me ask, how is that a ‘great stride’ from when you were treated? What is different? Are you now the picture of health, no sicknesses, no health issues? Did the chemo NOT destroy your immunity? 

My mother-in-law will come out to my house today to hug me. She needs that and honestly, I think I do too because all of these virtual hugs go right through me. (pun intended!) Today’s sermon was about attitudes changing everything. If my MIL needs to see me and hug me to help her deal and change her attitude about ANYthing, then I’m all for it. I’ll let you know how it goes. 

Tomorrow is the assigned day that the navigator lady will call and try to guilt me into getting a PET scan (yeah, send radiation into my body) and to talk about the port I’ll need for chemo. You see, just those words alone freak me out. Gee lady, can I have more time, can I get another opinion, are there no other options? 

You tell people you want to go holistic, and they say I’ll pray you ask God for guidance. What? Like this thought just jumped in my head, and I’m jumping off a bridge with no bungee cord to spring me back to reality? I’ve been praying, I came to this decision with HIM in mind, not you, not my family, not even me, with HIM! My goal in life is Him so whatever I need to reach that goal is between Him and Me.

Some will see it as courageous, some will see it as bravery, I see it as FAITH in the Almighty. God will allow you to rummage through this fantasy world, hiding behind virtual games, TV shows, and denial but eventually we will ALL need to see HIM as the end game, some sooner than others. 

My message to you is this, if you’re not here for me in life as I minister to the WORD, please don’t appear after I’m gone asking what you could have done differently. Turn to HIM and try to understand exactly what His will is in YOUR life. He’s calling you and you need to hear. He’s calling me and I’m listening.

May the God of Life and Joy Be With you all!

Never Feel Alone

 Pss. 55:1 “Give ear to my prayer, O God; and hide not thyself from my supplication.”

Never Feel Alone

Now before you tell me that I am never alone, God is always with me, I got that down, I’ve been feeling lonely as people react at the mere mention of the enemy Cancer that is attacking me. I feel like I’m accepting the diagnosis better than they are. 

For the past week since I the hammer fell, I’ve been embracing optimism. I have hope and promise in my hand and I just so happen to be walking around with a mustard seed in my hand. My faith is actually bigger but those around me physically, may not be on the same fulfilling promise of their faith. That concerns me.

My mother-in-law wants to come and see me and I am fine with that. If she needs to see the Light of Jesus shining through me, then there really is a purpose and reason for everything and I believe that with every fiber of my being.

I wrote to her in all earnestness and asked her what she was coming out to my house with; pity, sorrow or hope and positive input? I know she surrounds me with love but I can honestly from ten miles away sense the pity in her tone the sorrow in her words, the fear in every letter of the alphabet.

Deut. 28:66 “And thy life shall hang in doubt before thee; and thou shalt fear day and night, and shalt have none assurance of thy life:”

Just a few comments (not all) from DEAR friends. Full names withheld for privacy reasons. 

Mike said: “People fear death because they have no hope. They've been brainwashed into thinking it's [death] something really bad.”

Donna said: “It's normal for people that love you to be upset. Of course, you do not want pity but God will use you during this time to help him established his Kingdom.”

Shellie said: “I believe very firmly that we are healed through the stripes Jesus took for us!! You have many friends and family praying and loving you through this process! I also believe that staying as positive as possible is a must do in healing.”

My favorite response by Tom: “People fear most that which they cannot control; they think that if they eat right, think right and do right, they can control everything. Even Christians get coaxed into thinking their reward is in the blessings of this life. But then Cancer, ALS, MS, and Parkinson's diseases come along and confront their/our comfort in THIS life, taking away our self-confidence. But confidence in "self" is not confidence in God. Trusting in God, and placing CONFIDENCE in His will, is what ultimately allows us to make a smooth transition from this life to the next.”

One of MY responses: “Exactly! And I don't feel like God is saying (to ME) choose chemo, prolong your life over choose ME, *I* AM the WAY, THE TRUTH, and the LIFE. And I will take you when I'm good and ready no matter WHAT you choose.”

Pss. 27:6 “And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the LORD.”

Does my comment scare you? I understand that they’ve made great strides in the medical field but the treatment is still the same as it was forty years ago, drugs, chemo, radiation. Let me ask you this all of you political aficionados if the enemy from another country threatened your life, is attacking that country with radiation your first line of defense? No? Why not? Because it would KILL innocent people along with the bad! THAT is exactly what chemotherapy does; it KILLS the bad cells but also wipes out the GOOD cells needed to SURVIVE! I’m just choosing another line of defense for now.

When you get the big C diagnosis there is a flurry of bombardments from every angle. The treatments offered are only the ones that the doctors submit you up for, it’s their job. I keep hearing about positive thoughts and prayers are essential in healing but my Oncologists is sworn to Conventional Treatment and if I don’t go that route, she’s out some money I’m sure. 

How can chemo help me if I don’t BELIEVE it can help me? Chemo would NOT work for me because I don’t believe it can help me. I don’t have a positive mindset where chemo is concerned. Sure, they can pretend it is going to work, they can pump me with drugs and radiate me, but if I would go into a treatment that I didn’t have one iota of faith in helping me, how could treatment in that manner save me?

Now, I have faith in medicinal herbs, always have and always will. Why? Because I’ve always believed that God put a cure for EVERY illness right here under our noses and in front of our eyes, but we are too blind to see. We are too bogged with taking a ‘doctors orders’ to see something else that might benefit our disease/illness.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some doctors who go against the grain and are superb and richly needed but are they open to hearing YOU! Do they dismiss any hope you have by shrugging off your faith, your belief, and your wishes? If your doctor gives off negative vibes and a me, me, me attitude, is that the doctor you’re going to want to go with for healing YOU? 

That’s where I’m at, the oncologist left me feeling alone surrounded by people. Now, my friends, they’re a different story I told them I’m choosing this route of holistic healing and they lift me up! Surround me with prayer, and now are supporting me monetarily so I can get all of the vitamins I need to go into battle against the enemy. I have a very prayerful and faithful group of friends.

Isa. 2:12 “For the day of the LORD of hosts shall be upon every one that is proud and lofty, and upon every one that is lifted up; and he shall be brought low:”

My niece started me a sort of GoFundMe page called YouCaring. She asked beforehand if I’d mind and being bombarded with info from everywhere and what I’ll need to fight this enemy, I told her to go for it. Not thinking anything would come of it and I’d be in this battle alone but no, my friends and family came out of the woodwork to help their fellow man (um, woman). I WILL remember those who stood by and lifted me up and I DO thank each and every one who reaches into their bag of riches (can’t take it with you). And I will lift you all in prayer because I LOVE YOU! 

I’m without funds and I know we live in a world where people need every penny that they have, I totally get that and understand because I’m in the same boat with you. But not to share the link is leaving me alone, all alone in this fight of mine. It costs nothing to share the link, it is showing me visually that you support me on this journey. With a share, you are spreading a positive love and acceptance of me. I love you for that!  

Luke 6:20 “And he lifted up his eyes on his disciples, and said, Blessed be ye poor: for yours is the kingdom of God.”

Fear has crept into some, fear of the unknown. They don’t know enough about the disease, but I do know it’s not contagious. Staying away from me and ignoring me isn’t going to keep it from your doorstep. I’ve read that this cell was more than likely growing inside me for the past ten years and now it is full blown in an ‘I can feel you lump’ fashion. Unhealthy eating was the fertile soil the cell needed to grow. 

Come along with me on this journey of a lifetime! Hold on though, it’s not a fantasy trip; we’re going to the deepest depths of reality and there is NOTHING to fear because GOD is with me, with US, all the way. While I love you all, I love Him even more!

Pss. 5:3 “My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.”

MY new motto! "The face of the CURE not the face of the Disease!"

May God touch you all, in the same way, He IS TOUCHING ME!