Saturday, February 04, 2017

Never Feel Alone

 Pss. 55:1 “Give ear to my prayer, O God; and hide not thyself from my supplication.”

Never Feel Alone

Now before you tell me that I am never alone, God is always with me, I got that down, I’ve been feeling lonely as people react at the mere mention of the enemy Cancer that is attacking me. I feel like I’m accepting the diagnosis better than they are. 

For the past week since I the hammer fell, I’ve been embracing optimism. I have hope and promise in my hand and I just so happen to be walking around with a mustard seed in my hand. My faith is actually bigger but those around me physically, may not be on the same fulfilling promise of their faith. That concerns me.

My mother-in-law wants to come and see me and I am fine with that. If she needs to see the Light of Jesus shining through me, then there really is a purpose and reason for everything and I believe that with every fiber of my being.

I wrote to her in all earnestness and asked her what she was coming out to my house with; pity, sorrow or hope and positive input? I know she surrounds me with love but I can honestly from ten miles away sense the pity in her tone the sorrow in her words, the fear in every letter of the alphabet.

Deut. 28:66 “And thy life shall hang in doubt before thee; and thou shalt fear day and night, and shalt have none assurance of thy life:”

Just a few comments (not all) from DEAR friends. Full names withheld for privacy reasons. 

Mike said: “People fear death because they have no hope. They've been brainwashed into thinking it's [death] something really bad.”

Donna said: “It's normal for people that love you to be upset. Of course, you do not want pity but God will use you during this time to help him established his Kingdom.”

Shellie said: “I believe very firmly that we are healed through the stripes Jesus took for us!! You have many friends and family praying and loving you through this process! I also believe that staying as positive as possible is a must do in healing.”

My favorite response by Tom: “People fear most that which they cannot control; they think that if they eat right, think right and do right, they can control everything. Even Christians get coaxed into thinking their reward is in the blessings of this life. But then Cancer, ALS, MS, and Parkinson's diseases come along and confront their/our comfort in THIS life, taking away our self-confidence. But confidence in "self" is not confidence in God. Trusting in God, and placing CONFIDENCE in His will, is what ultimately allows us to make a smooth transition from this life to the next.”

One of MY responses: “Exactly! And I don't feel like God is saying (to ME) choose chemo, prolong your life over choose ME, *I* AM the WAY, THE TRUTH, and the LIFE. And I will take you when I'm good and ready no matter WHAT you choose.”

Pss. 27:6 “And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the LORD.”

Does my comment scare you? I understand that they’ve made great strides in the medical field but the treatment is still the same as it was forty years ago, drugs, chemo, radiation. Let me ask you this all of you political aficionados if the enemy from another country threatened your life, is attacking that country with radiation your first line of defense? No? Why not? Because it would KILL innocent people along with the bad! THAT is exactly what chemotherapy does; it KILLS the bad cells but also wipes out the GOOD cells needed to SURVIVE! I’m just choosing another line of defense for now.

When you get the big C diagnosis there is a flurry of bombardments from every angle. The treatments offered are only the ones that the doctors submit you up for, it’s their job. I keep hearing about positive thoughts and prayers are essential in healing but my Oncologists is sworn to Conventional Treatment and if I don’t go that route, she’s out some money I’m sure. 

How can chemo help me if I don’t BELIEVE it can help me? Chemo would NOT work for me because I don’t believe it can help me. I don’t have a positive mindset where chemo is concerned. Sure, they can pretend it is going to work, they can pump me with drugs and radiate me, but if I would go into a treatment that I didn’t have one iota of faith in helping me, how could treatment in that manner save me?

Now, I have faith in medicinal herbs, always have and always will. Why? Because I’ve always believed that God put a cure for EVERY illness right here under our noses and in front of our eyes, but we are too blind to see. We are too bogged with taking a ‘doctors orders’ to see something else that might benefit our disease/illness.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some doctors who go against the grain and are superb and richly needed but are they open to hearing YOU! Do they dismiss any hope you have by shrugging off your faith, your belief, and your wishes? If your doctor gives off negative vibes and a me, me, me attitude, is that the doctor you’re going to want to go with for healing YOU? 

That’s where I’m at, the oncologist left me feeling alone surrounded by people. Now, my friends, they’re a different story I told them I’m choosing this route of holistic healing and they lift me up! Surround me with prayer, and now are supporting me monetarily so I can get all of the vitamins I need to go into battle against the enemy. I have a very prayerful and faithful group of friends.

Isa. 2:12 “For the day of the LORD of hosts shall be upon every one that is proud and lofty, and upon every one that is lifted up; and he shall be brought low:”

My niece started me a sort of GoFundMe page called YouCaring. She asked beforehand if I’d mind and being bombarded with info from everywhere and what I’ll need to fight this enemy, I told her to go for it. Not thinking anything would come of it and I’d be in this battle alone but no, my friends and family came out of the woodwork to help their fellow man (um, woman). I WILL remember those who stood by and lifted me up and I DO thank each and every one who reaches into their bag of riches (can’t take it with you). And I will lift you all in prayer because I LOVE YOU! 

I’m without funds and I know we live in a world where people need every penny that they have, I totally get that and understand because I’m in the same boat with you. But not to share the link is leaving me alone, all alone in this fight of mine. It costs nothing to share the link, it is showing me visually that you support me on this journey. With a share, you are spreading a positive love and acceptance of me. I love you for that!  

Luke 6:20 “And he lifted up his eyes on his disciples, and said, Blessed be ye poor: for yours is the kingdom of God.”

Fear has crept into some, fear of the unknown. They don’t know enough about the disease, but I do know it’s not contagious. Staying away from me and ignoring me isn’t going to keep it from your doorstep. I’ve read that this cell was more than likely growing inside me for the past ten years and now it is full blown in an ‘I can feel you lump’ fashion. Unhealthy eating was the fertile soil the cell needed to grow. 

Come along with me on this journey of a lifetime! Hold on though, it’s not a fantasy trip; we’re going to the deepest depths of reality and there is NOTHING to fear because GOD is with me, with US, all the way. While I love you all, I love Him even more!

Pss. 5:3 “My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.”

May God touch you all, in the same way, He IS TOUCHING ME!


Anonymous said...

You are a brave and bold lady. I don't say you are brave because you are choosing a path apart from chemo; but because you stand up for your beliefs and rights as a patient. Hurrah! I did not choose that path, and have been paying ever since. Of course the ultimate course is Jesus.

It's been a pleasure getting to know you.

joni said...

Thank you! That means a lot. To me, that means you are seeing God in me and honestly, that is all I ever hoped to achieve in life.

I'm glad we were introduced!

love and blessings,

benning said...

*HUGS!* <3 Praying, as always, and will continue. :D