Sometimes... A Rest

Job 11:18 “And thou shalt be secure, because there is hope; yea, thou shalt dig about thee, and thou shalt take thy rest in safety.”

Sometimes… I just need a rest...

I don’t know if you noticed, but I posted for five days in a row after a week of no writing. Sometimes I just need a break and sometimes I just can’t stop writing. 

It’s not what you do in this physical body that God rejoices over, it is what you do in the spirit. My spirit is waning thin so I think I need a rejuvenating withdrawal from a society that sees me as well. I tried mowing the other day a little and my hubby who could see in my face I couldn’t do it anymore, stopped me short of the finish line. I hadn’t even done a lot I just wanted to try and do one of my favorite things in the summer for exercise and that’s mow.

Sometimes it’s just not meant to be. Sometimes He just wants us to rest and I’m not one that takes sitting down lightly. I would’ve kept going, working until my knees buckled but again cool temperatures or not, mowing wasn’t in the cards. Not much IS in the cards these days except writing, that keeps me busy.

I think I’m just going to take a break from it all. I’ve said that before only to come back the next day posting and commenting but quite honestly, I’m getting bogged down. I need to stop worrying what everyone else is or isn’t doing and I need to focus on ME! Me and what I’m doing to get myself well.

I’m in a BC support group on facebook but it doesn’t really feel like a support group, it’s more information to use and rules, what you can and cannot say, what you’re allowed and not allowed to post and it is all constricting like a Boa wrapped tightly around my neck. It also highlights all that I’m doing right but moreso things I may be getting wrong. After using all the money for supplements now is not the time to tell me that maybe this or that one is just not right but I’m glad to learn as I go.

I have enough supplements to get me to January, my one year mark since my diagnosis, then I’ll be out here on my own scraping the bottom of the barrel for the most important vitamins to keep in my arsenal. I can’t stress about that now, it is too far in the distance. With everything going on in the world from fires raging, taunting regimes, earthquakes rattling, hurricanes destroying, floods, tornadoes, there isn’t much ground left for society as a whole to hide.

Me, I don’t want to hide from it all, I just want to see and appreciate all the beauty in front of my eyes. From the silky blades of grass, to inhaling the newly mowed lawn, to playing with the hose a few more times before it gets too cold to do such an activity, to watching the falling leaves. Life is too short to worry about the physical, I’m going to inscribe in my soul the spiritual that will sustain me to the end.

I’ve noticed something with this disease, people are more sympathetic with you when you’re bald and accepting chemo, struggling in pain, vomiting, and accepting chemotherapy. Maybe getting sliced open appeals to some and it helps people sympathize easier. But when you’re going holistic, you appear well so nobody really gives a flying fig. Oh don’t get me wrong, some do, but when a friend writes on her wall, “Wouldn’t you like to just be able to slap some sense into people, this is a serious disease.” I know it was aimed at me and it’s okay, I have sense; I’m choosing to say NO TO DRUGS! That’s the best sense available to me. I’m healing and will continue to do so.

I’m glad that the drugs work for some. I’m glad people are living healthy lives and breathing with no problems from their chemo. That’s great it worked for THEM. It would never work for me. It just wouldn’t! I’m going to climb on my high horse now, then ride off into the sunset, and settle down with a good book and wait for winter to wrap me in its arms. If I think of something to write, like after the hurricane season finishes wiping out the states. God bless you all! I understand wanting to do it your way! Ride out the storm, you live you live, you die…oh well, at least you lived. That’s exactly how I feel. 

Godspeed…

Pss 55:6 “And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest.”