The Fear Factor

1 Sam. 17:34 "And David said unto Saul, Thy servant kept his father's sheep, and there came a lion, and a bear, and took a lamb out of the flock:"

I realize there is something inside me that helps me overcome so many hurdles; I have the strength of a lion and the gentleness of a lamb. When you come face to face with a lion ( a rare event for sure), I'm sure you're instilled with fear. The fear factor is something that rules everyone, even though they don't know it has washed over them or that the feeling has saturated their souls.

Let me ask, when you're faced with a diagnosis from a doctor, you know that tingling you get in your heartbeat where it feels as though it has stopped but you know it didn't because you're still alive, as you feel the rapid rhythm pulsating in your chest? Your brow breaks out in beads of sweat, your palms become clammy as you wait for a prognosis; that there is fear, fear of the worst-case scenario. 

I don't think anyone goes into the doctors' office with the faith that all is well. You walk in out of fear. Most people don't even go to the doctor because of fear but by the time you've made it to his doorstep, you're carrying fear in there with you. Why? Because you know full well you haven't taken care of yourself. You know deep down the neglectful years are finally going to catch up with you.

When I finally went to the doctor because of 'a lump', I instinctively knew what was going to be said. I had done all of the google searches that aimed me in the 'most likely not' direction, but the final diagnosis became 'the worst case scenario'. Fear drove me home that day, fear tried to wake up with me the next day but the little lamb in me came and nestled in my heart as a comforting blanket of wool in a much needed time of cold despair.

I remember a few years ago when we visited an animal sanctuary and I came face to face with a lion! I actually stood in a cage of tigers and was allowed to pet one. Can you say that you've ever done THAT in your life? No, not many people can. The lion was big and fierce but he was wounded and neglected, that is why he was in the sanctuary, to save his life from years of neglect. Rory was finally getting the help he needed in the saviors at the animal sanctuary. As we came eye to eye, neither of us feared; we were both sizing one another up but as I went to pet him he let me know why he was the king of the forest with a loud roar and a snap at my finger. At that time he urinated on me in a spray and our uncle giggled and said, "That'll happen when they want to mark you." I wasn't laughing but I did find it cool to later that day go back and tell my friends that a lion had 'delivered me', I mean, peed on me. 

1 Sam. 17:37 "David said moreover, The LORD that delivered me out of the paw of the lion, and out of the paw of the bear, he will deliver me out of the hand of this Philistine. And Saul said unto David, Go, and the LORD be with thee."

When I was diagnosed with the Big C, I feared the doctors more than I did the lion! I feared the diagnosis, the treatment and the finality of the prognosis. I let the fear factor go home with me but I didn't let it pee on me and ruin my life. When the gavel came down later that week with the verified results, I didn't fear the doctor, I feared the treatment and the lack of willingness for us both to work on a positive outcome of what they had just sprayed me with. I didn't get to go home and be joyful to tell all my friends how I overcome the spraying of the venom that the doctors unleashed, instead I came home and told my friends of the fear I saw in the eyes of my loved ones as I said I wasn't going the conventional route.

This is when I realized I would need every bit of strength in going forward.  I needed to see past the fear factor. I knew I would need to look the lion of fear in the eye and let it know that I am a victim too, I am not a weak victim and my Savior is not a sanctuary for saving cats but a sanctuary of love for saving human beings; the Lamb would rise up to save me. I believe this with every fiber of my being. He knows it, I know it, I just wish the surrounding onlookers knew what it took to get me from point A to point B!

As many of you may have feared your dad as a child; the impending belt, switch, the hand of discipline, you feared. Many unknowingly carry the fear of accepting an Almighty Savior, feeling a little insecure in giving Him 100% total trust.  My dad wasn't the disciplinarian in my family, so I had no fear of accepting my Father in Heaven's discipline or guidance. I never had any trouble getting flushed by His spray of undeniable, unconditional love. He has marked me and surely is saving me from my own self. As I relinquish the fear factor and move forward with unwavering faith in a snail's pace enjoying the brilliant view, painstakingly hating the climb but cherishing the time I spend with my Father as the day draws near where we will be walking hand in hand on the shorelines of Heaven.  There won't be two sets of footprints because I will be beside Him, basking in all of his love and glory. As I miss my earthly father who now resides in heaven I am ever grateful to my Heavenly Father for sending out a boat, filled with life preservers and saturating my soul when I need Him most.

It is a glorious Father's Day! Happy Father's Day, Abba! 

Pss. 57:4 "My soul is among lions: and I lie even among them that are set on fire, even the sons of men, whose teeth are spears and arrows, and their tongue a sharp sword."

Last Poem To My Dad

My Dad's favorite place

Fort McHenry

Psalm 46:2 ~ Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;

I cannot stand...

I have our heartfelt memories

Stored inside my heart

I cannot stand and watch you

Being slowly torn apart.

There is a soft wind blowing

A fragrance in the air

Heaven calling out to you

I cannot stand to bear.

I cannot stand and watch

The lighthouse falling down

Brick by brick dismantled

Without its shining crown.

I cannot come and be there

To stand right by your side

I’m in the best place for you

And that is right inside!

I stand along the shoreline

And watch your light go dim.

I see the angel’s calling out

In a radiant glorious hymn.

I love you, Dad!

Poetry Sunday ~ Lighthouse of My Life

Job 29:3 When his candle shined upon my head, and when by his light I walked through darkness;
 

The Lighthouse of My Life

***

There comes a time in ones life
that changes do occur.
One foot in front of the other
we tread as life's a blur.

We turn to strength and guided hands
to show us where to roam.
We look to our father for his armor
our haven; a stable home.

He stands in the shadow of silence
giving advice when we seek.
He lends to us a pillar;
a beacon when we are weak.

On the shore of stormy oceans
his kids all out at sea.
The lighthouse of my youthful years
was all he gave to me.

He gave me courage to stand afoot,
to be strong when seas were rough.
To ride the ebb and flow of life,
while always remaining tough.

At times when tears begin to flow,
to him I would never bother.
I'll stand ashore and see the gleam,
of the eyes of my loving father.

Poetry Sunday~Happy Father's Day!

A poem for my father;

Happy Father's Day!
(c) Joni Zipp

***

When I was little
I’d sit on his shoulder
I didn’t fit
as I got older.

Memories of
our walks to the Fort
His towering body
and me real short.

Holding my hand
never letting it go.
My father; protector
always let me know.

I was his Peanut
the baby, his gem
never forgetting
who I really am.

I swiftly grew
he let go of my hand.
Out on my own
I’d firmly stand.

Always there
whenever I pleaded
he’d help me out,
with whatever I needed.

Although his struggles
were not far away.
He conquered the demons
through all of his days.

He’s a pillar now
to my eyes I behold.
The strongest of men
if truth be told.

I love my father
with all of my heart.
I’m always there
even though we’re apart.

Never forget
the woman you raised.
It is my Father
whom should be praised!
***
All rights reserved: copyright © Joni Zipp
*Fort McHenry was about a mile

from my house. We'd go there on Sundays 

and yes, he'd carry me on his shoulders 

until I got too big. :)

Quotation Saturday

John 10: 29-30 My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand.  I and my Father are one.
***

My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.
~ Jim Valvano

It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons.
~ Johann Schiller

I have never been a material girl. My father always told me never to love anything that cannot love you back.
~ Imelda Marcos

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.
~ Dinah Craik

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
~ Jeff Foxworthy
 

The world is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion. 
~Thomas Paine (1737 - 1809)
 

If not for a father, we would not exist. Existence depends on a father! Families depend on a father figure!
~joni
 

I would like to wish fathers everywhere a Happy Father’s Day! Some fathers have passed on, some fathers are far away, but whatever the case may be, we will always hold a piece of our father in our hearts.

Thought-filled Thursday

Job 14: 13  O that thou wouldest hide me in the grave, that thou wouldest keep me secret, until thy wrath be past, that thou wouldest appoint me a set time, and remember me!
***
Reflect on your present blessings, of which every man has many; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.
Charles Dickens (1812 - 1870)
***

Today I’m filled with thoughts. I’m sure you love coming here and reading about my thoughts, don’t you?

Have you ever had the past come back and bite you in the tush? Never? Well dang! My past seems to haunt me wherever I go. Some would say, “Oh just let it go.” Sorry friends to tell you this, but that is easier said than done.

I would love nothing more than to lay MY past to rest, but things creep back to the surface like mushrooms in the wet grass. They appear here and there, one day they’re plentiful but during dry spells you’re hard pressed to find one surfacing. That’s what the past has been doing to me lately. Memories, feelings, shadows dancing, all in my face.

In a novel, the past of a character is called back story. And if we laid the character’s past to rest, you’d barely have a story. Or you might have one that doesn’t make much sense to your reader.

What has brought on this rush of memory lane for me? A bunch of stuff, but most notably, this week is Father’s Day. I’m here in Nebraska far away from my dad and it would be so nice just to put my arms around him, hug him and let him know he’s loved.

My father wasn’t a perfect man by any means. He was no Ward Cleaver for sure. He worked, drank, and lived, rarely batting an eye at any of the six kids he fathered, so why do I love and miss him so much? Because I let the PAST GO! I’ve forgiven all the wrongs that my parents did, and embrace the them that is now.

My colorful past might be one for the books and novels of the non-fiction genre, but so is my tale of healing, forgiving, moving on and facing each new day. I embraced Christianity when I was 14, and even though my parents don’t understand what that means as they call themselves Catholic, by name and prayer only, I move forward in life, not backwards, if I can help it.

A Christian is not someone who attends church and thus says, “I’m a Christian, I go to church!” That is just wrong. For many years I called myself a Christian and hadn’t stepped into a church, only for the lack of Christianity teachings going on in churches.

A Christian, walks the walk as much as talks the talk. I don’t profess to be Christ-like (in my actions, words,  and thoughts) I try my best to ACT like a person of Christ.

I’m not perfect, I don’t forgive in the snap of a finger. I don’t overlook things and pretend nothing ever happened, I don’t lie, keep secrets, hide things, in hopes the discovery is only between me and my conscious. I embrace the past, wash my pain with words, color my world with love. I am working on me, the me that I am. My past is a part of me, it’s a part of your characters. Never let it disappear because there is a beneficial amount of healing to come from the popping up of memories.

Did you ever hold onto the negative and overlook the positive? Yeah, we all are guilty. Now lets move ahead in trust, faith and prayer, and keep God growing in our future so we have strength to deal with the past.

“I’ll move from the past to carry me into the future and hope one day my future has you in it.” ~ joni