I Fell in Love

1 Cor. 2:9 “But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.”

I fell in love...all over again…

I’ve been in a relationship my entire adult life. I’ve known love, lived love and loved love. I’ve been with Steven for thirteen years now and though we didn’t instantly fall in love when we first met we were instant friends via the internet.

We had both just come off of bad relationships so you can see why we never decided to get married for many years after we met face to face. Our idea of love was tainted by what we had been through in our past and we were damned if we were going to make the same mistake twice. 

He never really knew love because lust is what drove him in previous relationships, and that’s all they were, relationships. He hadn’t known love, true love. As for me I was a child of circumstance. I yearned for love and would take anyone who dared to show me love and it is what kept me married for 20 years, until I became a woman and realized love wasn’t about a man controlling and obsessing over you, it is the feeling that two people share in becoming one complete unit. 

When I made my way to Texas, I wasn’t ‘in love’, I loved him dearly but in love meant something totally different. The years passed and I fell ‘in love’ to the extent that we both fell and knew a union was the difference. We married last year because we knew that this was the final road for us. It wasn’t the beginning and it wasn’t an ending it was the communion of love spreading over us that we knew had to be completed in the form of marriage.

This is the instance where definitely two worlds collided, farm boy meets city girl. Opposite ends of the world meeting in the middle and hitting it off like the Fourth of July firework displays. We’ve had our ups and downs but more times than not we’ve relished many more ups. We complete each other and yesterday it hit me (not for the first time) that he’s my husband in every sense of the word. 

When we first met he inundated me with lyrics, lyrics that spoke to me better than the songs themselves. When we met face to face the lyrics stopped, he then began playing melodies on the saxophone and well, city girl just melted like a snowman holding a candle I’ll have you know!

It was kind of beautiful watching from the inside, the love growing in leaps and bounds. We went from lyrics, to melodies to movies; all of which we had in common and we now share our lives as if we only live for one another. 

We’ve never been a couple who celebrates Valentine’s Day, not because we don’t love each other but because we DO love each other, every single day and Valentine’s is just another holiday that is over commercialized and I might be the first woman he’s ever met that said, “No thanks” to chocolates, to diamonds, to gifts, to the mushy froo froo for Valentines day that so many other women EXPECT.

I’ve always written him a poem because well that’s what I do; I’m a writer. This year was no different except for the fact that it was our very first Valentine’s Day as man and wife. It felt different too, especially when he made me a video with clips of all of our favorite movies (that we watch over and over again).

It started off:  

Groundhog Day - “Whatever happens tomorrow or for the rest of my life, I’m happy now because I love you” 

School of Rock - “You’re the cats pajamas, you’re the bees knees!”

Mr. Deeds - “Hard to breathe, feels like floating, so full of love, my heart’s exploding.
Mouth is dry, hands are shaking, my heart is yours for the taking. 
Acting weird, not myself, dancing around like the Keebler elf.
Finally time for this poor schlub, to know how it feels to fall in lub.”

E. T. “I’ll be right here.” 

A Beautiful Mind – “I’m only here tonight because of you. You are the reason I am. You’re all my reasons.”

Lord of the Rings – Smeagol – “My PRECIOUS!”

Casper- “Kat? Can I keep you?”

A movie with Andrew Lincoln, Rick from The Walking Dead – Showing sign boards to his love – “To me, you are perfect. And my wasted heart will love you
Until you look like… A ZOMBIE?” lol

Forrest Gump – “I’m not a smart man, but I KNOW what love is.”

Wall-E – Eve hugs Wall-e upon seeing him alive out there floating in space. She squeals and kisses him. He drifts off in orbit dazed by love!

Then we cut to “You’ve Got Mail” ending scene that looks a little like when Steven and I met. (Well they’re a lot better looking (not much) but you get the point. I was so glad to see him and meet him for the first time in REAL life, not from behind a screen. And the REST is History! 
The scene comes alive with the song – Somewhere Over the Rainbow!

I love my honey! More today than yesterday but half as much as tomorrow. 
And he TRULY loves me!!!

I Love My Friends

I love my friends

I have a virtual family that lives inside my computer. I’ve known them for quite a few years and we’re often bouncing around the virtual walls and I have come to call them dear friends. They share snappy images of their treasured children, their beloved pets, their charming homes, their snow-laden paths, and their flower-filled gardens; they even get personal and share their intimate life of ups and downs.

Some of these friends are recent acquaintances while others are years long writing friends. Some are battling illness while others are rejoicing in health, others have parents or children that have passed, and others have parents/friends/family in the hospital. Many seek prayer, some seek peace and more times than not they just want to share their life with the world or a small portion of the world anyway. All in all they have become my virtual spiritual family whom I love dearly, enough to trust and give my physical address.

Some of my friends though, I suspect of being possessed by spybots. I haven’t been a part of the virtual world for too long but I learned quickly what spybots were, in essence making me set moderating comments here on my blog because they inundated the comment section with spam, not the kind you eat either.

Some of these suspected spybots over on facebook rarely have an actual thought. They smear the walls with other people’s pets, artistic homes and fatty food, while washing their mouth out with dirty laundry by posting anything and everything political that runs across their screen. These droids fill the airwaves with what they THINK we want to hear and see. Following the doo-doo wherever it may lead. It’s a conspiracy, man!

The spybot villains enlisted me also, I was thinking maybe that is how people really are supposed to portray themselves in the social media world, but it came back to bite me and I made certainly clear that I wanted no part in their shenanigans, and that’s that!

In my spirit-filled life-altering bout of change I see things differently now. I can see also that some of my compadres have seen the light too and have altered their change so that we can all illuminate the world together! BooYa!

I do have some of the wackiest, weirdest, strangest, lovable, fun-loving, God-fearing, compassionate and most awesome friends on the net and I wouldn’t trade any of them for the world… okay maybe one. No, seriously, I love them all dearly! I just had to put that out there in case they don’t already know that they change my world and make it feel right. They’re the bubblewrap that puts a pop in my day! Just sayin’.

Questioning Everything

1 Tim 1:4 “Neither give heed to fables and endless genealogies, which minister questions, rather than godly edifying which is in faith: so do.”

When I was little I was always questioning everything from why the earth was round to why trees grow upward toward the heavens. Yeah, my quizzical mind sought God from the very early breaths of living and to this day I still question God about everything relying not on my own understanding.

Some people are a little uneasy with the winds of change, afraid of being put out of their comfort zone. While others embrace the change and actively pursue answers (not via the net mind you) to all of their questions. Some even pretend to be seeking all the while clinging to what they only think to be true when in reality they never sought the REAL truth.

Pastor Mike said, “God uses you to bring people to Him.” That really hit home since the New Year has brought about change, I can see Him working through my delicate words to reach you, my avid reader. I’m not here to judge you or change you; I’m here to reach you in places you might need to be reached. 

God is not on a lot of people’s minds these days and that is understandably so since they’re consumed in the here and now and not what was and always will be. They’re busy wondering what they’ll wear for the day, what shoes look right with that shirt, what’s happening on the net and there you have it, a world being eaten alive by the internet. 

If I had the power, I would obliterate the communications called the internet for at least a year and watch the world scramble with what to eat or what to wear or maybe be forced to read the newspaper to see what politician is doing what. I almost feel as though I time-warped from another century and was placed here and surely don’t fit in anywhere. This finds me questioning everything.

Yes, I USE the internet and I like the speed of finding answers to my questioning. Yes, I blog but do not allow the net to own me. I don’t carry the world in a palm-sized instrument or feel the need to hold one in my hand and tell the outside world what every second of my day consists of.

My niece, who is sixteen, received a $200 dollar phone for Christmas and just this weekend the phone was stolen while at a friend’s party. My sister’s logic is ‘she HAS to have a phone’, and my logic is WHY??? Why do kids NEED these phones when they’re not mature enough to take care of them or handle them responsibly?

We’re living in a generation of at your fingertip technology and it is being abused in more ways than one. While I would miss it for a year, the kids today could not even function without their phones or the net for a year. I wonder how many honestly could. The generation who never had it all of their lives will say they could function without the net for a year but I wonder, could they really?

I question why some people believe the earth is only 6000 years old while others believe it to be millions of years old. Even with the age of scientific proof we’re still uncertain? Truth at our bloody fingertips, literally tapping out the questions to find the truth and believing the answers we receive? Why hasn’t the TRUTH been revealed within you instead of the endless seeking for truth from outside sources? Because life is and always will be a mystery shrouded in our questioning. That is the secret in a nutshell, you can’t find the answers in the cluttered world of information, the truth is found within you and if you can’t physically touch it or read it in your hand, then it must not be true.

Faith is exactly the same way. You rely on what you feel not what you see or read to know what is the truth. It might only be your truth but you found it from within you not from the stirring confusion in the outside world. While that might not make sense to many, it WILL make sense to a few. We’re all given the talents to use but not all use them. Me, I’m forever questioning everything, seeking and finding. Not in the superficial realm, in the spiritual realm where all questions are answered. 

Go with God and may He be with you all!

Pss. 119:59 “I thought on my ways, and turned my feet unto thy testimonies.”

No Net

Pss. 10:9 “He lieth in wait secretly as a lion in his den: he lieth in wait to catch the poor: he doth catch the poor, when he draweth him into his net.”

Think about it. Have you ever seen a trapeze artist walk a thin line attempting to get to the other platform…with NO NET? That’s what having no internet is like, kind of.

You’ll be surfing along that fine line, focusing on your completed task, then WHAM the internet cuts out. WHOA, you try to make some sense of the lack of balance but there is none. You don’t fall to your death I assure you but you do get that feeling of isolation and being cut off from the outside world abruptly.

We live out in the middle of nowhere and we’ve had internet issues for years now. First the wind knocks the dish out of whack, then a tree limb is in the way, then we get a new dish only for it to work temporarily, then we get a new tower but again the trees are blocking the little beam from our dish that needs to connect to the tower. This has been our balancing act for years now.

Then last week with assured confidence the internet guy comes out and tells us that there is a NEW tower we can use to connect. A new dish and a new beam that supposedly cuts through the trees like a lumberjack! Yeah it worked excellently for a day or two, then WHAM, back out again; off and on. He said we were the guinea pigs on the new system so I guess we can assuredly tell HIM that the lumberjack grew tired and left the job, eh?

I’m a writer and my blog and writing is pretty important to me as much as games and YouTube is to my guys! No net, no access to any of these things, so if you see me not blogging for periods at a time, think NET or the lack thereof. 

We also have NetFlix so you can imagine the irritation when right in the middle of a movie, the internet waves bye bye! Or worse yet, when 10 minutes are remaining and the climax is unraveling then POOF…no movie!

We don’t have many luxuries like a telephone with internet, heck we don’t even have texting available on our phones! We have the internet, that is a luxury to us because we PAY for it every month! We don’t have the luxury of pilfering/stealing/borrowing our neighbor’s wifi because as you can guess, they don’t even have internet! NetfFlix was our New Years splurge and I’m wondering if and when we’ll have good enough access to actually use the luxury on a daily basis.

Assuming everyone knew of my net woes, I excitedly posted on facebook “The net guy is here!” Well, to someONE who don’t pay attention to my wall or my posts, they thought for sure the whitecoats were coming out here with a net to get me and I maniacally went running around the yard screaming as I flee from them with their net. How funny. NOT! Although I’ll probably need them if we don’t get this internet fixed soon!

Don’t get me wrong, the net does work sometimes, I should say when it is good it is really good but when it is bad, it is really really bad! And so it goes, life without a net is not a good idea, just as walking without God is not a good idea. Good thing we have unlimited access to HIM, free of charge, without interruption! Funny thing is, with no internet, the closer I feel to God… hmm, now there’s a concept for ya.

Okay, gotta run…my garden is calling me.

Pss. 25:15 “Mine eyes are ever toward the LORD; for he shall pluck my feet out of the net.”