Joni, The Rocky Champ

James 5:16 KJV “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”

Joni, The Rocky Champ!

I must admit, I feel a little guilty feeling so good. I saw my sister-in-law, yesterday on the 6th at my niece’s graduation and she said after looking me over with a broad smile on her face, “You look great!”

I responded with, “I feel great! You wouldn’t know I have this dreaded disease would you?” 

The place we were at was a pretty big place with thousands of stadium style seating. It had an elevator to accommodate people or an open-aired staircase which allowed people to ascend via the stairs. 

Fear gripped me when I saw all of those steps, but seeing the family and their faces, telling me they’ve been praying for me made me feel ‘flighty’. I felt as if I could accomplish anything. So when my husband asked if I wanted to take the elevator, I boldly stated, “NO, I’ll take the stairs.” 

My other niece, daughter of my s-i-l, my mother in law, an uncle and I and hubby all began the ascent. Step, step, step, step I went, keeping pace with the floods of people in front and behind me as well as my niece and s-i-l. My sister in law gazed over at me at me keeping up with her and said, “Go Joni!” A platform then twenty more steps I went! I heard my husband behind me saying, “Show off.” Jokingly of course because all were quite amazed that this little woman who used to walk every step on a flat surface in pain, cringed with every hug because of my back pain, dreaded going to the store because of my pain, was now the Rocky Balboa of Nebraska ascending the stairs like a champ! 

Yes, I did a little fist raise at the top of the stairs, through panting breath I exclaimed, “I DID IT!!!” I was more raising my hands thanking the Lord for the strength than I was thinking of Rocky. But yes forty-some stairs and I made it. (Keep in mind the steps it took to get through the parking lot, to the front door, to see the stairs.)

While I felt I had the strength of a thousand men behind me, I looked at the stadium style seating with exasperation and fumed, I cannot go DOWN all those steps. Uncle said, “Why because you just made it up all of those steps?” A little out of breath I stated, “That, and my fear of heights!” After a little chuckle we found seating at the top and found they were pretty comfortable heavily plastic seats, not the bleacher style seats that we faced at a previous graduation two years ago, where I had been in so much pain, I had to leave the event and wait in the car.

Not this time, this time I was a champ! And to think I was hesitant in even wanting to attend the event. But my niece was graduating. This little lady has spent eight years trying to get this diploma to be a nurse. The course was full if I remember correctly when she first signed up and she was put on a waiting list where she tried to wait patiently. In the meantime she took on three jobs to fund her schooling, working at nursing homes and other duties of the field to prepare her for this day. She found the most money-making job in delivering pizza’s believe it or not.

I was hesitant in attending mostly because I would have to face many family members that I haven’t seen since my diagnosis. I prayed of course for guidance and God always tells me, “We got this!” So again, I took His word and barreled on. I didn’t attend the after party where too much food would be that I couldn’t eat. But we came, I conquered, and I felt GREAT! I made sure each and every one of them knew it too!

The other reason I was hesitant was my bladder. A forty-five-minute drive? Could I make it after having two cups of coffee and some water? Guess what people, I made it!!! We sat through an hour of the diplomas being handed out before I made my way to the restroom to relieve my bladder before venturing on another forty-minute drive home!

I’ll have to admit, I’m pretty amazed myself! When God said He was healing all of me, He meant it! He’s not laying down on the job expecting me to do all of the work, nope we’re a team! I’ll climb those stairs as long as He fills me with strength! I’ll bask in the sun as long as my friends and family are behind me cheering me on, I’ll continue on this promising road as long as God allows His Light to shine through me! Yesterday I was living proof for all of those who needed to see, SEE!

All Glory and Praise to Him on High!

Praise be to God!

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 KJV “Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”

AMEN!

The Week That Took Its Toll

Courthouse: Minden Nebraska

Job 33:19 He is chastened also with pain upon his bed, and the multitude of his bones with strong pain:

The Week That Took Its Toll

Yeah, what was supposed to be the best week of my life didn’t quite turn out the way I planned. Now I’m thinking I should have just picked some random day in ANY month of the year except MAY to get married!

My back did not take too kind to the torture I put it through last week and as of today it is in retaliation of anything that resembles moving or work. While I’m not trying to sound whiney (I might come off as such) I NEED people to understand my pain!

My left hand has gone numb and typing on the keyboard might be lost to me soon, so I need to get this out. While many of you see a picture of me and say to yourself, she doesn’t LOOK like she is in pain, let me tell you, I hide it well until I begin to walk then I am visibly in pain and then the questions start shooting at me like I’m the bulls eye on a dartboard!

“How’s your back?”

“Are you okay?”

“I hate thinking of you in so much pain.”

Look people, this is my cross to bear!  Some will even toss in a ‘you’re too young.’ Gee thanks, I’m glad you have done all that I’ve done in my life abusing my body and you’re older with no pain, good for you! Alleluia amen! This is MY body, the one *I* was born with, not YOU!

I started when I was about eight with the rearranging of furniture. Not just a table here a lamp there, I’m talking beds, sofa and chairs, bureaus and it continued in life until six years ago when I realized I had shoveled 2 ft. of snow one too many times! I also cleaned houses dragging equipment around and cleaning stuff. I over did it, now I’m paying for it!

Five years ago I fell down the steps obviously damaging a nerve somewhere in my left foot. No medical insurance led me to self-medicating and taking care of the problem myself. I wonder if it ever healed?

Then there were the many drives to Omaha. A good 3 hour drive from Minden but I remember one specific day it took me every bit of four hours to drive there; it was during that time that the winds were so high, I kept straining to keep the car within the two lines with 18-wheelers flying past me at 75 miles per hour pushing me around like a pinball machine. I knew something was wrong when I got out of the car at the half-way point where we stopped to eat; I couldn’t lift my right leg! It just dragged behind me as I limped into Wendy’s. I just thought it would pass after I got home but many more exhausting trips to Omaha (7 hours round trip of being the sole driver) took its toll on my back and I finally went to the doctor. I was told I had lower-lumbar-facet-joint arthritis.

Great it had a name but guess what, no cure! No money, no meds, no physical therapy; I was on my own, explaining effortlessly my disability to people who had seen me BEFORE and were now seeing me with a crippled limp!

The arthritis didn’t stop at my back, it went to my knees, down to my very toes; more pain, more limping and more people not understanding why this disability hasn’t just gone away.

I don’t know how to vividly explain it but I will give it a shot. Have you ever seen one of those Tesla balls? Where if you run your hand over it is like electrifying magnetically charged particles? Take a look at the picture: Taken from google pics

See the center? Imagine that is my heel; with every step, pain in little veins of fire, light up and I clench my teeth just to take another step! The pain stretches from my foot to my knees to my thigh ending in my back; sharp quick sudden pains. When I sit too long, if not sitting properly it gets hard to keep tears from rolling down my cheek.

Sunday was my last straw in a long, pain-bearing week. It was so bad on Sunday I had to leave my stepdaughters’ graduation (before everyone saw me in tears) and before I had a chance to congratulate her.

I might have been okay had I not been told to climb at least ten steps into the uncomfortable bleacher seats that I do believe were made for people under 100 lbs., neither of which were any of the SEVEN people in our row. Being squished did NOT help matters any and so as not to ruin the day for his mom, sis, aunt, uncle and HIM, I chose to bail as the indecisiveness of where to stand when she parted was being decided.

I couldn’t bear one more second!!!

I left in tears before anyone saw that they were tears of pain. I hobbled to the truck, with Adam by my side, where a good cushioned seat was a welcome relief, putting an end to one pain-bearing, back-wrenching week.

Too much walking, too many stairs to climb, too many uncomfortable seating arrangements and too much indecision; today I sit in pain wondering why I’m breathing.

Grateful. I’m grateful for my wedding day and the man I married and the wonderful family he has, now the only real family that *I* have.