The Year in Review

Pss. 6: [2] Have mercy upon me, O LORD; for I am weak: O LORD, heal me; for my bones are vexed.
***

Well I have to admit this has been a year of roller coaster riding. Up and down, then back up and then down.


January -- Found my dog hit by a car and for weeks I nursed her back to health. With ice packs, and the mounted up snowfall, January started off on the lower section of the roller coaster. The shoveling was taking its toll on my back, but I plowed right through. Hey, I’m young, right?


February- March -- Found my dog healing and finally the medicare kicked in for Steven and he was able to get to the eye doctors, one that God chose, not one that anyone had referred him to. We were high on the roller coaster now, things looked good from up here for a bit.


April-May -- These two months found us in high spirits with the opportunity arising that a cornea transplant would come soon. With a doctor visit; the physical was done, and now  he was on the transplant waiting list. We did just that, waited. And waited. In the meantime there was mowing to be done, a yard to tend to, weeds to pull, but the cold air was hanging on tightly and May was just too chilly to really get out there and sink my hands into the soil.


June-July -- These months warmed up nicely. Weeds were sprouting everywhere, so much so I could not keep up with them. Adam and I mowed and yanked weeds. I planted and pulled more weeds, and my back was crying in pain but I went on. You just pull your big girl pants on, swallow the pain and become friends with Mr. Heating pad! I’m not one who likes to pop pills to relieve pain, so just some stretching exercises and nice relaxing days.


August- September -- Ahh the start of school! I had to get Adam in for a dentist appointment. He got a cleaning and two small fillings, then a clean bill of health. The school year started off on a good note this year and he’s been doing pretty good with his grades. I guess home schooling all those years before high school made him a well adjusted teen. Good job! Here we were still waiting on the cornea transplant to arrive and the long summer wait was now turning into a Fall wait and see. Patience my friend, patience.


October -- We got the long awaited call...the cornea had arrived. On the 10th, the operation took place and after an initial scare, which took us to Omaha five times in the month. My back was beginning to feel the pressure and an excruciating toothache held me captive the entire month. The month ended with sight restored and an amazing miracle as Steven could see his hometown in full color after two and a half years of being blind!


November -- This was the month that as Steven healed, my body crumbled. I had a tooth extracted, but the infection in my mouth was needling at the nerves in my back. A back x-ray showed that I had facet-joint arthritis and as I looked into more info on it, it flares up in the presence of an infection in the body. The dentist didn’t think the pain in my back related to the infection in my mouth, but then again she had no idea that I had arthritis which is just another name for inflammation.


December -- Found me at the dentist again with some not so great news. Close to ten grand needed but a down payment would get me and all the work needed started. She may have sympathy on me and possibly only 4500 will be needed but still she says this to a woman who hasn’t a penny to her name. I am poor, and found myself actually begging for my life. Literally.
Where is Steven in all of this? Well, he is on Social Security, and medicare, and if not for medicare, medicaid and the Lions Club, he would not have been seeing all the lights this Christmas. It will take a year of healing, and possibly the sutures on the cornea may not be taken out; the doc will watch him closely for a year.


I’ll end the year not knowing what tomorrow will bring or the New year, but I can say, I AM BLESSED! My family of writers/ artists, my church family have all surrounded me and comforted and help me in ways, you can only dream about. I am loved. And the year isn’t over!


I will rejoice in the New Year. I hold my head high and rejoice in the Lord and Savior, for it is He who carries me through each and every day!!! I WILL heal and I will come back fighting to the writing world! But for now... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!


Read more at: BenningsWritingPad

Poetry Sunday ~ To See Again

Jas. 4:10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.
***
To See Again...
***
The time has come
its drawing near
the journey close
I hold no fear.

God has chosen
this day in time,
I have no reason
I’ll weigh the rhyme.

So much to do
before I see,
then my the world
becomes new to me.

I stand and try
to drink it all in
oh what a pleasure
to see once again.

The open expanse
all new things
will drown me alive
as an angel sings.

Sweep me away
into the Light 
my Lord I’m yours
you’ve granted me sight!

On a personal note...

If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. ~~ Ps 139:9-10 (NLT)

***

Well I know you all are waiting for me to give a little update on me, on a personal note. Tell me you all look forward to it, please?

Well, here I go, dramatics and all! It was a quiet morning just like any other day, I go get myself showered and cleaned before I can get anything done for the day. I step out of the shower to hear voices, off in the distance. I always look skyward, because I think “Wow, God has gotten bold.”

I open the door and creep into the living room, to hear my beau on the phone, saying his thank you and goodbye. “Who was that?” I ask. “Eleanor, says there’s a cornea.” Mr. Smarty pants says as a matter-of -factly, as he goes to sit at the desk. A shock look washed over his face.

My eyes nearly bulged outta my head, thoughts crowded around and began spinning like a carousel on some kind of hyper drug. I felt like shaking my beau and screaming “Tell me more! Tell me more.” But instead I just said, “How do you feel about that?” With him being blind, I can read his facial expressions pretty well, and I could see that this was not the moment to get all aflutter and start babbling. He needed calm and that is what I gave him.

His face said, ‘I’m confused’ but his mouth said, “I don’t know how I feel.” Wow I can read him pretty well, eh? I was about to go dry my hair when a compulsion came over me. ‘We need prayer’. He was sending out emails to our pastors at church and his family, I was busying myself with sending out to my prayer warriors the call for prayer.

By the end of both of our tapping keys, we had reached hundreds of people all gathered to pray for us. The prayers were felt as my body tingled with delight.

Here’s the deal. She (Eleanor) called. Said they had a cornea, but it was in Colorado being tested to see if it was a good cornea. If so, surgery is on Monday. We’ll head to Omaha on Sunday, be at the hospital 5 a.m. Monday, have a follow-up visit Tuesday, and if everything looks good. We may come right home or stay and leave early Wednesday morning. Too early to tell.

But the prayers are strongly needed. Now the confusion begins, chaos ensues. Beau has been so patient throughout these two years. He’s has his bad days, as I think it is understandable if your sight is taken away and you never got a chance to see the very house that you’ve lived in for two years, or the town that you grew up in, or so many other things I can’t even begin to mention.

All I know is this, I’m driving to Omaha. Everything is already taken care of money-wise. The surgery: medicare/medicaid/Lions Club all paid for in advance!! I worry about nothing else because as the day draws near, our food, gas and lodgings will all be paid for too!

God is good...Great even! God bless you all and thank you for your continued prayer. It isn’t over by a long shot, so keep our family in your prayers. 

9:57 a.m.UPDATE NECESSARY: My friends, WE ARE GOING TO OMAHA!!!

Keep the prayers coming!!! PRAISE GOD!!!!

To See or Not to See...

that is the question that I ask of thee. 

***

I’m going to go off topic here to give you all an update on the prospects of my beau seeing again. If you remember the tale, a true tale no less, my beau went blind two years ago, and what seemed like everything going up against us, we were placed in the Lords hands and everything happened in its time.

We had to move from Texas, God made sure we had a place to live, food on our plate, and the means to get by. Hurdles upon hurdles were put in our path and as I never gave up hope, (I’m not one to give up!) I placed all my trust in Him who could carry me, us, to a safe place and comfort zone that the whole family found as a blessed relief.

Last year we went through the Lions Club fiasco and basically tried to force the issue of getting this cornea operation. We scurried like trained mice and did what people told us that SHOULD be done, but truly, in MY heart, that was a way of taking it out of God’s hands and trying to do everything ourselves. Like we can ever do anything WITHOUT God’s aid? This is beaus journey, I'm just along for the flight.

If any of you have ever tried to take something out of God’s hands, then you know the struggles that you’ll face and the outcome will not have been the plan that would have taken place if only left in God’s hands. As you can imagine, the letdown of not getting the operation and being made to wait a longer time, had beau a little on the antsy side. “WAIT” God was telling him, but instead he was listening to everyone else telling him to ‘get it done’ ‘God helps those who help themselves’!

I kept praying for Gods will, not MY will or beaus will or anyone elses will, to be done. So the waiting began again. And here we are waiting this time, for a cornea! He’s on the transplant list and the way it sounds, he’s at the top of the list. After he gets his physical next week, the doc will have all the information he needs to say, “Let’s get this done.”

“God helps those who helps themselves”, DOES NOT give us the right to take our trials out of His hands. And a lot of people are running around ‘helping themselves’ thinking this is what God wants, and I know what I read, God wants us to have FAITH, in Him to handle ALL of our needs. My belief is that, if you help yourself, you’re not having the faith that God can handle all!

I know quite a few who pray for things; they pray for what THEY WANT. But as a living testament to His Word that was promised to me, and you too, when you give it ALL up to God, He will then give you the means to ‘help yourself’. Yeah, help yourself to HIS WILL!!!

As our next step is the need of $3000 dollars, a three day stay in Omaha, beau draws concern. Me? I know everything will work out because guess what, it’s in God’s hands! Not ours!!! His will, WILL be done! And that's that!

Isaiah 41:10 ~ Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Omaha on hold...

"Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that
weep."Romans 12:15

***

My friends and followers have all been following the story of my beau’s blindness. As you may know, he was scheduled to go back to Omaha again today, but  he canceled the appointment yesterday.

Back in September, we were really excited to find out that the Lion’s Club was willing to pick up the tab. Lion lady told us that they would pay for the visits leading up to and follow-up visits. Excitement gathered as everyone couldn’t wait to hear the good news, that beau would see again!

That September visit didn’t go as planned. We got the news that one eye had shut down completely with no chance of seeing from again. The retina had begun to detach. The right eye, possibilities. The doctor didn’t look too optimistic to me as I sat across the room watching as he studied intently the two eyes. An ultrasound was needed. He said, “If we do the right eye, there’s about a fifty percent chance of success, which isn’t bad, but there are other factors, like this eczema, and your allergies.  I can’t guarantee the transplant will be 100% success or even 60%. Let’s get the ultrasound and I’ll know more.”

We both left the office in silence. My heart ached, and beau said nothing all the way home, except, “Lets eat.” We ate in silence. I could feel the cloud of disappointment lingering, and I had to drive and get us home. Tears kept filling my eyes, but we made it.
Silence.

A month passed and we had the appointment in October for the ultrasound. Hope clutched in our hands! We were in the office ten minutes after a four hour drive, only to turn right back around to go back home. We never saw the doctor, we just saw the lady who does the ultrasound.

Not much time passed and someone from the office called and said that they could operate on the right eye. With the success rate that the doctor had pointed out. Okay, now hope is back. One eye is better than none, even if it’s for one day of sight, this is a go! We were a little excited, but I still felt some form of apprehension on beau’s part. More tests need to be done.

A few days later lion lady called and said, “I hear you’re getting the operation, just let me know the day you go in so I can let my people know.” We hadn’t been given a date to ‘go in’, we were not even told anything to that affect. He was told, “More test are needed but there is potential.”

Mixed communication. Lion lady is saying one thing(we’ll pay it all) others are saying other things (they’ll pay for the op and that’s all) and all this info is rendering beau apprehensive to the point where he just doesn’t even care if he gets this operation. What started off as feeling right, now feels as if everything is going wrong. He's like a pressure cooker about to explode. Too much pressure and *KABOOM*.

Does he want to see again? YES! We all want him to see again. But it is not up to me or anyone else. He’s a grown man and can make his own decisions. I NEVER give my opinion, this is for HIM and him alone to decide. Does he want all this confusion? NO! So he has decided to take matters into his own hands! HE will choose a doctor, go and get their opinion, in April he will have medicare and if this is meant to be, he will have this done.

Is time of the essence? I don’t know what that means. It has been a year and a half, so what is five more months? Will his eye be any healthier in April? Well, there should be as much percentage of success in April as there is today. No one knows! Only the Man Upstairs.

This is a bag of mixed emotions I just wanted to toss out to those who have followed, prayed and stood by in support of us.
 
I Thank You!

It is important to distinguish between opinion and judgment. Opinions open us up, judgments close us down.

Doctor Conspiracy

Matt. 26:39 And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.
***

I’m wondering if there is some sort of Doctor conspiracy out there in the world. Why are doctor’s so unwilling to work with other doctors?

Take for example the doctor in Omaha, who is overseeing my beau’s eye condition. Now I know there is more than one facility in the state of Nebraska, that can do an ultrasound on the eye. Let’s see, there’s an eye clinic right here in Kearney that specializes in lasik surgery, cataract surgery and cornea transplants.

We’re using the Omaha doctor because the Lion lady directed us to this facility. Knowing we live 4 hours away, why would the doctor not send us to a closer facility to say, get an ultrasound? An eight hour round trip, a ten minute visit. It makes no sense to me.

Since I’m not paying for anything and I’ve given it all up to God, I’m not worried where the funds will appear from to pay for all of this. They will come.

The butterflies arrive at knowing all that we have to endure to get from point A to point B.
It is not just beau who is involved here. Adam and I have endured the seven years of doctor visits, infections, ups and downs, first hand. Then there is his family who are all eager for him to see, and his friends who would love for him to come out and play also. But again, getting from A to B is going to take time.

Our first visit was the over view, what can be done. The second visit was to get the ultrasound to look behind the cataract to see how healthy the eye is and if surgery is at all possible, now this third visit, more tests. To see if there are any infections? I dunno, I just get, “Need more tests.”

If there is an infection, that will entail more trips until it is healed and ready for a cornea transplant. Then to be put on the donor list, and wait. Waiting is the hardest part. Then the surgery, then the after care keeping the eye, infection free. I know a dermatologist and sinus specialist will come into play real soon. Roughly, in a years time, he might see again! 

The surgery CAN NOT be done while their is an ACTIVE SINUS INFECTION. You might ask why? Because the cornea transplant is a fragile delicate tissue. A SNEEZE can damage all the work that went into transferring the cornea to the recipient. An ITCH can scratch the cornea. So all this combined HAS TO BE taken into consideration.

Idealistically, a perfect skinned man walks in with no allergies, gets the transplant and can see again. Realistically, we know, all this could be for nothing, and a rapid succession of sneezes is not a good thing with a freshly implanted cornea.

But I do carry hope! I don’t sit in doubt here, I just walk with faith that the Good Lord knows what is best for him and no one else can really say what the plan is. I haven’t doubted for a minute that there is a plan in affect and we are not able to alter the plan even with fervent prayer. When Jesus prayed for God to spare him, in the Garden of Gethsemane, God had a plan in place, and had He said “Yes, okay,” to Jesus. His blood would never have been shed for our sins.

***
Matt. 36:45 Then cometh he to his disciples, and saith unto them, Sleep on now, and take your rest: behold, the hour is at hand, and the Son of man is betrayed into the hands of sinners.

Good News! To see again...

Matt.19: 26 Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

***

Well folks, good news came in the way of a telephone call yesterday.

As many of you know, if you’ve read my blog, that my beau is blind. We’ve been trying to get help, we’ve been praying, and maybe our prayers have finally been answered. He needs a cornea transplant and cataract surgery and we’ve found out that one eye, his right eye, has possibilities.

Our first trip to Omaha was wind swept and the long drive was tiring and back-aching. It’s a four hour trip both ways; that’s four to Omaha and four hours back home. The first trip we met with 35 mph gusting to 45mph winds which, you might think me a big sissy, but driving on a narrow two lane interstate, with wind pushing and shoving the truck to and fro, is not a fun task.

In front of me trucks were swerving left and right trying to stay in their lane, to my left cars flying by me at no less than 80 mph, and to my right, a rippled edge to keep drivers awake? Well at 80 mph hour that ripple helps you in losing control of your vehicle. On that day, I never reached 65mph. It was sixty all the way. To top it off, it was a ninety degree day and we have no A.C. in the vehicle, so it was also a dripping wet travel experience.

This trip was more pleasant. No winds, cool temps, still back aching, but a nice trip nonetheless. We were in the office maybe twenty minutes then it was back home.

The wait. We had to wait for the dr.’s office to let us know, if after looking behind the cataract via an ultra sound, if the eye was well enough to go through surgery so beau can see again.

The call. It came and she (the assistant, never a doctor) said beau needed more test but the dr. thought that the eye looked well enough back there to perform surgery. Good news!!! A resounding WOOHOO!!

Another trip. Well actually it will be many many more trips back to Omaha, but our next trip is scheduled for November 13. The doc is going to do even more tests, hopefully put him on the cornea donor’s list, probably get him to see a dermatologist and a sinus expert (preferably in Kearney) closer to home.

The wait. More waiting as we’ll have to wait for someone to die, to donate a cornea and be a perfect match. To think that God already has someone picked out to die so my beau can see again is scary. His last doctor was scrupulous in picking out a cornea and did all the aids testing, and other transferring tests that needed to be done so that the surgery was successful. He got an eighteen year old suicide victims cornea last time. It had a life expectancy of twenty years and lasted only seven in my beaus body. I pray for that boy and the family who donated his cornea. And I pray now for the next person and their family.

We wait in anticipation of seeing again. If only for a year, two years or seven, he will see once again if things go well! That is certainly GOOD NEWS to share with you all!!!

Cornea Transplant

It garnered a cornea transplant!

It was a severe enough infection to warrant a cornea transplant. "We can’t save it," the doctor told my friend. Acanthamoeba keratitism is the technical term the doctor used in diagnosing my friends eye condition.

Usually occurring in contact lens wearers, especially those who attempt to make their own homemade solutions, or use plain tap water to clean the lens. My friend had used bacteria laden water that in the long run, damaged his cornea.

This diagnosis was something my friend wasn’t prepared to hear, but he had to prepare himself for the obvious transplant to take place.
He was put on a list of cornea donors, and the long wait began for a match and a donor. When days turned into months, my friend, was becoming anxious. He wanted to see out of his left eye again. The doctor needed a perfect match, free of any prior illnesses, It had to match the exact blood type, and many other compatibility measures were taken.

The wait seemed endless and led into months of anxiety, when finally the word came "We found a match". It echoed through the phone lines while friends and family rejoiced. On the very day of the scheduled surgery, he was told, "It’s not a good enough match."

Can you imagine the disappointment we all felt, not to mention the let down to my friend? He was so prepared, yet let down in a single moment.
Frustration mixed with a level of not having hope. After another seemingly endless wait, he got the call again and was told, "We found a match." He had no hope left so he was apprehensive the day of the scheduled surgery.

The match WAS perfect. Unfortunately it was a nineteen year-old suicide victim who eventually saved my friends eye. It’s amazing that this one donor gave a part of himself in death, to help my friend see again. I imagine the family felt relief from their grief when deciding to donate.
The surgery was a success and my friend can now see out of his left eye again. He is VERY cautious when cleaning his lens, always using the recommended solution for the task.

He has worn contact lenses for many years, and it took a short period of time of cleansing it with bacteria infested water for it to cause severe damage to the cornea. The task of cleansing the lens becomes so mundane; you never think of the damages that can occur during cleansing.

The loss of his eyesight made him appreciate the beauty of life we all take for granted. Now as we fast-forward four years, he has developed an eye infection in his right eye. He has no vision in this right eye and scarring on his left eye (from recurring infections). All of this has rendered him legally blind (but reversible).

Ocular herpes is like a cold sore on the eye. It has the same recurring affects. It comes when it pleases and rests when it deems fit. My friend is being treated, but now has to wait until the infection is ‘quiet’ for a year before any operation can take place.

Often times we take for granted our sight, not realizing the importance of taking care of the very necessities that give our life meaning.

Beauty is creeping all around us and without sight, you better hope that your other senses kick into gear or you will lose the stamina to continue functioning in this world. Everything in life seems to be about what you visually ‘see’, but always remember beauty lies within! Take care of it, take care of YOU!