Better Days: Powering Through

Hebrews 6:19 “Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and stedfast, and which entereth into that within the veil;” 

As I power through my story, I see some as a hard read and a lot is a hard write but I power through to give you the meat of the story as rich in detail as I vividly remember.

It has been four years since I found a lump in my breast, two years since diagnosis, and one year that the cosmos sucked away from me and I’m trying to piece the last year together to make sense of it all. If it’s a hard read for you, imagine living through it and cleaning up the mess you find.

I think I want to put my husband on a pedestal for a bit. When you marry and say words like ‘in sickness and in health’, you are not ever thinking that the day would arrive and you’d have to pull up your britches and show what you’re made of. Many times its the woman who comes through for the husband and quite often there are times when the husband has to stand up, be a man and take care of his wife in ways he’d never imagine.

When my husband went blind in 2009 I was hit with responsibilities I never knew before. I had to become his eyes. I was always the homemaker but he was the breadwinner and he was shot down as he became a disabled person, dependent on the money he put into the system. Dependent on me, in hopes I would stand by my man. We sailed through that storm and came out in calming seas as he had a cornea transplant and part of his sight was restored. Smooth sailing afterward, right? Wrong. 

Not long after his sight was restored, he lost his one eye because it was beyond repair. The system made us wait two years for the coverage of the operation and by that time it was too late. 

That is when my health started to fail. Not recognizing aches and pains for what they were, we just strolled along twenty-twelve and thirteen. Not without a bunch of doctor visits, mind you, until the dastardly lump made its appearance in twenty-fifteen and it was as if we were standing on top of a mountain being forced to slide all the way to the rocky bottom.

Twenty-fifteen was a year of loss. I lost three family members, one being my dad and my hubby lost an uncle. My medical needs would have to wait. When I finally had a chance to face the music, the diagnosis was grim. The doctor’s made sure fear would win this battle and that my God was not more powerful than they were. They LAUGHED at my faith. By twenty-eighteen I had the chance to at least smile in THEIR faces showing them that my God IS more powerful than they are! God and I are winning the battle.

My husband would step up to the plate and take on the nursing and caregiving. His mind wobbled from having the task of putting our beloved dog to sleep then BAM, I get worse and too much was tossed on his shoulders. I prayed. I had friends and family praying, not only for me but for him and my son who had to take on caring for their now disabled wife and mother.

In his panic, he would wash, dry and fold clothes, rearrange drawers, vacuum, and steam clean floors. He would do any and everything to occupy his mind as he dealt with this new routine he was forced into. Like I said, no one thinks that those words ‘in sickness and in health’ would slap them upside the head full force and hold them accountable, but rest assured, it will happen, often times in a quiet day! 

I was home from rehab, he would now readjust and hope beyond hope he was up to the task. While his mom wanted to help her baby and shoulder some of the burdens, he knew this was something that he’d have to do alone. A meal here and there from mom but the rest, lay at his feet wrinkled and unable to be folded. 

Weeks would pass and he struggled to remember the water or the grocery list, or place the claw close to me, or my walker or wheelchair within reach; sure he’d forget one or two things but would remember so much more. He was fighting this like a boxing champ in the fifteenth round, he was tired and worn, but would come out winning with a total KO!

Many men will say ‘I’d do it for my wife’ and many women will say ‘I’d do it for my husband’ but in truth, none of us know what we’re made of until something tragic happens and you have no choice but to stand up and fulfill that vow you took.

The past six months have taken their toll on us but as man and wife, circumstance has made us stronger as a couple. Every day that passes he sees in me the caretaker and homemaker he married, and even more so I see the husband I had every bit of faith in when I uttered the words sickness and health. 

May this be the year we both get to dance with health, we deserve to dance! 

Pss. 149:3 "Let them praise his name in the dance: let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp."

Weather the Storm

Pss.148:8 “Fire, and hail; snow, and vapour; stormy wind fulfilling his word:”

Many many people go through trials and tribulations but not everyone handles the storm they’re passing through in a graceful manner. I’ve been through too many storms to count but always I try to hold my head up in optimism and trudge through the blaring winds that season my face.

I don’t allow the storms to break me instead I let them build me up into a stronger being. By writing about my storms, I share with you the fact that not all storms are damaging. Take for instance Friday when my hubby came home from work and told me he lost his job. Granted it wasn’t a great job to begin with but it was a job. 

Him being ‘disabled’, blind in one eye and limited driving, he has to take what he can get which makes finding a job pretty challenging for him. He’ll never be able to go back to the forty-hour workweek like he had when we lived in Texas and he worked for UPS on the high-income end of the tax bracket. No, since he went blind for two and a half years it humbled us beyond measure. We took on a new way of living. 

We normally take on storms like brushing hair out of our eyes; we just whip them away and move onto the next challenge. That’s how we roll. This time is no different; I didn’t shatter into a million pieces nor did he when he was ‘let go’ to put it mildly.

I twiddled my thumbs anticipating the anxiety he must have felt being the breadwinner of the household. Since I’m disabled, can’t work and can barely take care of the household things that need to be done around here, of course I wondered what his next course of action would be in this matter.

Monday he was online filling out applications and Tuesday he received a call for an interview on Wednesday and Wednesday found him at the job interview and it ending with ‘come in Sunday to train’!!! Wow, talk about a storm passing over! Praise God!

There are drawbacks but none my man can’t handle. It’s not a lot of hours but he can’t put in more than 30 with his limited driving. He can’t drive in the dark and cannot exceed a sixty-mile radius, which really puts him for whatever job is out there in the Kearney area that is willing to work his limitations into their schedule. I know with summer months we get more daylight but many won’t work around him to satisfy their job requirement. 

It really stinks being limited but hey, living in the midst of a storm constantly is a learning experience not too many could handle. We weather these storms wrapped in God’s loving arms and just when you think it is settling down, WHAM another storm.

“Life is not about waiting for the storm to PASS, it’s learning to DANCE in the rain!”

I wonder why a candle with that quote is prominently displayed on my table? Because I love dancing in the rain. When God tosses a storm my way, I don’t run and hide under an umbrella, I let the rain roll down my cheeks, I let the wind blow through my hair, I sometimes tremble at the ferocity of the lightning but then I still, dance in the rain.

God’s like that sometimes, He tosses storms your way to see how you’ll handle what He throws at you. You either become a testimony for His greatness or you hid under a rock, the choice is always your own.

Isa. 25:4 “For thou hast been a strength to the poor, a strength to the needy in his distress, a refuge from the storm, a shadow from the heat, when the blast of the terrible ones is as a storm against the wall.”

Poetry Sunday ~ Soul Dance

Soul Dance

***

I’m consciously aware of dipping my toes
into the stars yet no one knows.
They care to know all physical things
not wanting to dance where a soul now sings.

My soul is one that loves to prance;
jump right in and take a chance.
Free my spirit that quietly rests
among the earthly peasant guests.

I’m free as a bird that soars on high,
I mingle with lights spread through the sky.
I float on by with nary a care
of dogma drizzled in the air.

My spiritual quest on which I ride,
is out in the open no reason to hide.
My journey glides from idle distraction
into the unknown where rises reaction.

To one I am all and all I am one,
giving my soul to some or to none.
Within my essence is formed a quark
a barrier of light to protect me from dark.

Poetry Sunday ~ Silence Whispers ~

Fire in the heart sends smoke into the head. ~Proverb
***
Silence Whispers
***
The crackle of embers
burning desire
embedded in the
human fire.

The light emits
a softened glow
each pirouette
a stately show.

Shadows dance
across the room
with each step
escapes the gloom.

Silence whispers
a single flame
the Light, the glory
without a name.

Hear the call
behold the sound
become one with
all you’ve found.

Melody holds
the infamous key
the Light, the love,
you gave to me!

Poetry Sunday~ I am but a Flower

I am but a Flower

I am but a flower dancing in the sun
protected by Light since my life begun.
I am but a flower flowing in the warm breeze;
safely sheltered by the low hanging trees.

I am but a flower with a purpose in life
I grow and learn through trials and strife.
I am but a flower planted firmly in soil
too much water and my roots will spoil.

I am but a flower please understand
my duty in life is to beautify land.
I can not be plucked and placed where one needs
I have to grow to nurture my seeds.

I’m am but a flower reaching for the sky
Some days I wilt and never know why.
I need some nutrients to replenish my soul
to make this flower feel beautifully whole.

I am but a flower rained on from above
Given life by His gracious love.
Although I grow I have high ambition,
Remember this rose has a sweet smelling mission.

Color My World

The Benefits of Prose to Color Your Work...

I’m always asked how people can make their writing have oomph. “Well,” I say, “take a poetry course!”

“But I don’t like poetry,” they say.

Well I’m here to tell you now that you don’t need to like poetry to write better you just need to put to use some of the elements of poetry to make your writing get up and dance. Yes, your writing will dance. It will do a pirouette across your blank screen. Your words will form across the sky and take flight in new directions.

Assonance, alliteration and rhythm; all of these elements digested in poetry will spew forth better writing. Rhythm in writing? Is there such a thing? Yes there is. Have you ever read a choppy book? No? Why not? Because the writer took the time to find a rhythm in his words. The editor/publisher picked up on the rhythm and decided that the book needed to be published.

Having yourself a good poetry critique group will have you becoming aware of your words. You will make every word count and you will also be finding the over used words unnecessary in writing. Being aware of those words that you use a little too much is essential.

So many times I critique a writer and they say they didn’t even SEE the word "AND" twenty times in a paragraph. By writing poetry you’ll know that the word AND is not needed all of the time to finish or begin a sentence to make it complete.

Poetry and prose isn’t all about rhyme. It is about eloquence. The way to make your writing more eloquent is by the feel and flow of the words slipping off your tongue. Some writers have said they never thought to read their work out loud. I say, “How could you NOT read it out loud?"

Do we always read silently? Come on now be honest with me. Don’t most of us at least move our lips or utter an almost silent whisper as we read? Do we all read in silence? If this is true, it’s time to speak up! Feel those words. Speak those words. Realize what you’ve written by SAYING the words.

When I read a poem I can’t help but utter the words, then by some crazy manifestation I’m reading the poem out loud, even if no one is there to hear me. Can you imagine reading Robert Frost’s poem ‘Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening’ in silence?

Well, I once again am going to tell you to speak up! Here the words, feel the rhythm, tap those keys, and make your writing dance!

Hooking Your Reader

Hooking your reader…in the first sentence!

Okay ladies and gents what is the most important thing (well almost) to your writing? That would be hooking your reader with the first sentence. We’re in an extremely competitive field where the editor is going to sit down with a good cup of coffee and take the time to read your work.

Remember that she (or he) has thousands of other manuscripts to feather through, so what is going to make YOUR work stand out? The very first sentences that she glances at. What is going to KEEP her reading? Well crafted paragraphs, that’s what. Your work must be compelling enough for her to sit through the entire cup of coffee, go and get another cup, while STILL reading your work.

Even if the middle of the story dances to a perfect tune, and your ending has the finality of a swirl and dip, it is the beginning that is going to get the editor to ask you to dance in the first place.

Let’s try opening with action, not necessarily one tracked dialogue of two people arguing. Set a scene with some form of action taking place. Example: The building has been sitting there on that hill for centuries and who knows what ghosts lurk in the hallowed walls. Jerry wants to go in and play around but I’ve heard the stories. I’ve seen things.

Right there SOMEONE wants to know what you’ve seen and heard. They want to know WHY has it been standing there. But we’ll give that to them later after the kids go exploring in the big convent that remains barren for some reason.

Dialogue in the opening scene is not such a good idea either. The reader doesn’t know these people or has had a chance to get to know them. They are strangers invading their homes at this point. You don’t want a lot of imagery and description of a dark and lonely haunted house. Build up the ACTION first, then lead your reader through the why’s and what have you’s until they are so interested they continue turning the page.

Give the reader what he or she wants. When they read the dust jacket they will either buy the book or put it down. Are you going to let them walk away because you bored them stiff? NO! You are going to give them a riveting beginning that makes them thirsty for more. They’ve read the first few paragraphs and now they’re drooling at the mouth wanting more, more and more!

GIVE THE READER WHAT THEY WANT!

Don’t get lazy midway through the book either. If it bores you and you feel it just isn’t juicy enough, re-write it until you yourself are frothing at the mouth, patting yourself on the back and ready to give yourself a big ol’ high five. You can do it, because you’ve done exemplary work on the first few pages, now give the readers something to talk about. Give the editors something to brag about, "Yes I was the one who discovered…" Your name could and WILL be there!

Write on people!