The Story Begins - ER visit One

2 Cor.12:9 "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

ER visit One...

The first ER visit was the one that got the pebble rolling wherever I was being led on this path. The ride of a lifetime was sweeping me into its arms. And so the journey began. I'm not going for time consistency right now and will get back to it at the editing phase and make the timeline more clear. After the first ER visit, everything seems a fog, it was the first time in many many years that a hardcore drug entered my body, Percocet.

I couldn't breathe that night, my chest seemed to be tightening, the air in my lungs minimal and by morning, Steven accidentally missing his alarm, called for him to be at home that day and me needing to be driven to the ER. We drove to the Emergency Room entrance, pivoting to a (hospital owned) wheelchair, making it from car to hospital sign in, the formality and tagging began. This is where my birthdate would be the most uttered words over the next couple of months.

The ER2, 3, and 4 were all maddening visits in their own stage. While in ER1 I was told what the x-ray had shown. That my disease had metastasized (spread) to my liver. "Mets to the liver," he said. I didn't blink. I sat, I stared and quite honestly thought, 'and so it begins'. Don't ask me what 'it' was, I hadn't figured that part out but was assured in the deepest depths of my being, my sacred place, that I would know, and also I would know when it was time to share.

I left the hospital in tears, only a cane in my hand and my husband by my side. A blur, that is the only way I can describe it. I felt like I wanted to shelter this news in a cocoon and allow only one or two (okay, maybe three) people know that I was now Stage 4? I think that's what they call it when it has spread. Hey, some is still a blur. I'm still in my healing phase. It was at this time that I was told that I should use a walker at all times and think about getting a wheelchair. I should also make an appointment with my GP (General Practitioner) if for my pain and my inability to breath should I need medication to continue. The spot, I was told, was pressing on my lungs, making it feel like the air was being restricted. My oxygen level was 97%. 

Rolling right along I went. I made a GP appointment and thus began the struggle between illness and law. She was hesitant in prescribing Percocet 'because of the 'LAW', so she prescribed a delicate drug that did minimal assistance to my pain. Being raised in MG's placed me in the ER again, the pain too much to bear.

ER2 found me visiting by my first ever ambulance ride. Unable to breathe and a lot of pain in my lower extremities. The meds my GP gave me, obviously were not working and little did I know that the Opioid crisis running rampant across the nation would imprison medication to aid me but could be prescribed for 30 days only, then its, "SUFFER American, your illness means nothing to us, we have a drug problem here!" My illness is defined by legalities, stigmas and the good old Almighty Dollar! UNLESS you find a caring doctor.  

This doctor had NO PROBLEM prescribing my medication. I am Stage 4, what's going to happen to me, I'm going to become addicted in a couple of months or worse overdose and die? Get in line, we're all going to die some way somehow eventually and DRUGS are NOT going to take ME down! BUT I was now given a choice. I was ‘encouraged’ to go the chemo route. I was gently nudged to an Oncologist. I also sat nodding my head in utter disbelief I was going through this. I needed my son and husband. I had no idea what to do.

I think this is where I hopped on the merry-go-round for a spell. FEAR wrapped its long fingers around my neck gripping with flames of fire. Messages, mixed and otherwise were scrambling through my head. I heard them but I could not discern. Surely enough, I was on the fatal merry-go-round from a Ray Bradbury novel.

Friends and family were getting concerned, seeing that this was my second visit to the ER after all. I made the decision to see an Oncologist. Miracles were evident and prayers were being answered at this time. Some people like instantaneous answers to prayers but I AM LIVING PROOF, prayers are answered in the most minute ways. You might not see Steven missing his alarm clock as an answered prayer, but had he been at work and I, home alone? ER visit 2 brought me to a possible third oncologist looking at my disease since last year.
Think about the ramifications had God not intervened.

To be continued…

“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10 (NIV)

Paranoia II

Prov. 13:17 “A wicked messenger falleth into mischief: but a faithful ambassador is health.”

Paranoia II

Sometimes when I begin writing I veer off topic and go in a whole other direction. Like yesterdays post, I wanted to write about the paranoia that seeps into everything I’m doing. If someone comments on a post I’m trying to share I get defensive when they don’t agree with me and they go off in their own direction in what they believe. My apologies, but that just does not work for me.

What I’m trying to do here is unconventional on so many levels, I don’t expect people to rally behind me and say go for it but I also don’t expect them to jump down my throat and berate me with why I’m wrong. I will refrain from sharing on facebook the doctors and websites that I read from and follow because more times than not it’s pointed out that it is a fake news site, the doctor’s are wrong because the medical world does not agree with their unconventional ways, or that I’m just a crazy woman. Well, that one I can agree on.


I’ve just deleted hundreds of emails because most were trying to feed my paranoid state. Topics covered were thyroid, diabetes, heart disease and the list goes on. Topics also include why the water I shower with is toxic, why this one vegetable is not good if I’m fighting the C, or why chemtrails are making everyone sick. The emails feed my paranoia as does the toxic invaders.

Anyone who is following my journey on a daily basis knows what I am going through. I have some people who come in and comment off the cuff and think I’m fighting a simple illness like the flu and want to discuss the ramifications of NOT getting a flu shot. I’m sorry people, I do not believe in the flu shot, vaccines, or anything the medical community tosses out for human consumption. If you read me daily, you’ll understand and know why! The pharmaceutical corporations lead doctors; their pocketbooks are lined by an addicted nation that THEY contribute to daily.

When I point out that the medical community knows nothing about nutrition I’m met with a person's statistics on the reasoning why they are okay with doctors pushing drugs, or how there is one doctor in a big city that knows about nutrition. You see what I’m saying? That one doctor is not helping ME, or the ones I turn to and read on a regular basis. I guess me spewing where I get my information is not syncing with you or the Harvard medical community as a whole.

I’m basically alone in my journey and I’m okay with that. I’m living in a world of people addicted to drugs, legal and illegal drugs mind you. Those people are as defensive of their drugs as I am in fighting for what I believe in. I don’t agree with you that every pill you pop is necessary just as you don’t agree that cancer can be fought and won with NUTRITION! Again, I’m okay with what you believe in but please don’t try and sway me from what I believe in just for argument's sake.

In January when I got this diagnosis the medical community worked hard as nails to instill FEAR in me. I being the warrior and rebel that I am, gently asked for time and they put kid gloves on and knocked me out of the ballpark, dropping me like a hot potato because their income just went out the door with me. They quickly moved on to the next uninformed cancer patient. Did they ever call me to see how I’m doing? NO, they could care less. All they care about is their money! I have proof as they quickly sent me to a collection agency for bills unpaid. I sent money to them but they returned it because they want the FULL payment, not a mere portion at a time. THAT is the medical community that YOU bow down to!

While I am out here feeling great, eating well and am on the road to healing, they still have the hold of paranoia on me in trying to bully me into paying for tests that THEY forced me into! In my distress of being informed of a death sentence, they wheeled me into one test after another knowing full well that the tests could cause the spread of the disease. But if I tell anyone in the medical world of this, they scoff and shrug, they are right and I am wrong. I don’t have legitimate sources or twenty years of 'studies' to back me up.

While I have changed everything I cook, eat, drink and wear, I’m still met with people who disagree with my choice in this journey. I am still being hit with a barrage of information that essentially feeds my paranoia. I have to watch every bite of food going in my mouth and the way it’s cooked no microwave or Teflon cookware for me. I read every label, I buy organic when I can, and feel paranoid when I can’t and allow it to still pass through my mouth. To me, that is cheating! If it is not organic and intricately scrutinized, I feel I’m cheating myself.

No, I haven’t cheated on the sugar intake in nine months. I bend a little on the carbohydrates but only because the first six months of strictly fruits and vegetables has passed. I now allow lentils and some (organic) beans, gluten free, grain free bread and still allow only coconut milk and coconut oil. Only free-range chickens and eggs are allowed on occasion, definitely not a daily basis because of the methionine content. And I have found that the only processed food I can eat sparingly is organic soups and chili. That’s it, but I am eating and happy with every bite I might add. 

With Thanksgiving nearing, I’m thinking of a meal for me and one for the carnivores of the house. While the guys will eat the normal meal of turkey and mashed potatoes, I might try a zucchini medley for me. The aroma will wipe me off of my feet and I may find myself sulking as no biscuits and gravy for me unless I can find something organic I can sink my teeth into. But as with everything else, I’m over thinking and allowing a little paranoia to venture its way into my assertiveness.

I am so glad that from day one of my diagnosis I was led right to The Truth About Cancer and Chris Wark and every doctor they’re affiliated with. It was no coincidence, as I don’t believe in coincidence. It could have been me manifesting my wishes in beating this disease alternatively but I would rather believe that I was led there by my FAITH and trust in God!

I am a Christian soldier, marching as to war, with the cross of Jesus, going on before! This fight is far from over. As with many other wars, this one can’t be won in a couple months or a year, this one will take years but I am up to the challenging battle. One day I’ll even be open to discussions where I can debate who is right and who is wrong but I’m not there yet. I’m coming up on my one year since diagnosis on January 25th, and two years since I felt the prominent lump in December. So you see, this battle is far from over and that is why continued prayer will carry me to victory.

3 John 1:2 “Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.”

May God bless the believers and non-believers alike!