Paranoia II

Prov. 13:17 “A wicked messenger falleth into mischief: but a faithful ambassador is health.”

Paranoia II

Sometimes when I begin writing I veer off topic and go in a whole other direction. Like yesterdays post, I wanted to write about the paranoia that seeps into everything I’m doing. If someone comments on a post I’m trying to share I get defensive when they don’t agree with me and they go off in their own direction in what they believe. My apologies, but that just does not work for me.

What I’m trying to do here is unconventional on so many levels, I don’t expect people to rally behind me and say go for it but I also don’t expect them to jump down my throat and berate me with why I’m wrong. I will refrain from sharing on facebook the doctors and websites that I read from and follow because more times than not it’s pointed out that it is a fake news site, the doctor’s are wrong because the medical world does not agree with their unconventional ways, or that I’m just a crazy woman. Well, that one I can agree on.


I’ve just deleted hundreds of emails because most were trying to feed my paranoid state. Topics covered were thyroid, diabetes, heart disease and the list goes on. Topics also include why the water I shower with is toxic, why this one vegetable is not good if I’m fighting the C, or why chemtrails are making everyone sick. The emails feed my paranoia as does the toxic invaders.

Anyone who is following my journey on a daily basis knows what I am going through. I have some people who come in and comment off the cuff and think I’m fighting a simple illness like the flu and want to discuss the ramifications of NOT getting a flu shot. I’m sorry people, I do not believe in the flu shot, vaccines, or anything the medical community tosses out for human consumption. If you read me daily, you’ll understand and know why! The pharmaceutical corporations lead doctors; their pocketbooks are lined by an addicted nation that THEY contribute to daily.

When I point out that the medical community knows nothing about nutrition I’m met with a person's statistics on the reasoning why they are okay with doctors pushing drugs, or how there is one doctor in a big city that knows about nutrition. You see what I’m saying? That one doctor is not helping ME, or the ones I turn to and read on a regular basis. I guess me spewing where I get my information is not syncing with you or the Harvard medical community as a whole.

I’m basically alone in my journey and I’m okay with that. I’m living in a world of people addicted to drugs, legal and illegal drugs mind you. Those people are as defensive of their drugs as I am in fighting for what I believe in. I don’t agree with you that every pill you pop is necessary just as you don’t agree that cancer can be fought and won with NUTRITION! Again, I’m okay with what you believe in but please don’t try and sway me from what I believe in just for argument's sake.

In January when I got this diagnosis the medical community worked hard as nails to instill FEAR in me. I being the warrior and rebel that I am, gently asked for time and they put kid gloves on and knocked me out of the ballpark, dropping me like a hot potato because their income just went out the door with me. They quickly moved on to the next uninformed cancer patient. Did they ever call me to see how I’m doing? NO, they could care less. All they care about is their money! I have proof as they quickly sent me to a collection agency for bills unpaid. I sent money to them but they returned it because they want the FULL payment, not a mere portion at a time. THAT is the medical community that YOU bow down to!

While I am out here feeling great, eating well and am on the road to healing, they still have the hold of paranoia on me in trying to bully me into paying for tests that THEY forced me into! In my distress of being informed of a death sentence, they wheeled me into one test after another knowing full well that the tests could cause the spread of the disease. But if I tell anyone in the medical world of this, they scoff and shrug, they are right and I am wrong. I don’t have legitimate sources or twenty years of 'studies' to back me up.

While I have changed everything I cook, eat, drink and wear, I’m still met with people who disagree with my choice in this journey. I am still being hit with a barrage of information that essentially feeds my paranoia. I have to watch every bite of food going in my mouth and the way it’s cooked no microwave or Teflon cookware for me. I read every label, I buy organic when I can, and feel paranoid when I can’t and allow it to still pass through my mouth. To me, that is cheating! If it is not organic and intricately scrutinized, I feel I’m cheating myself.

No, I haven’t cheated on the sugar intake in nine months. I bend a little on the carbohydrates but only because the first six months of strictly fruits and vegetables has passed. I now allow lentils and some (organic) beans, gluten free, grain free bread and still allow only coconut milk and coconut oil. Only free-range chickens and eggs are allowed on occasion, definitely not a daily basis because of the methionine content. And I have found that the only processed food I can eat sparingly is organic soups and chili. That’s it, but I am eating and happy with every bite I might add. 

With Thanksgiving nearing, I’m thinking of a meal for me and one for the carnivores of the house. While the guys will eat the normal meal of turkey and mashed potatoes, I might try a zucchini medley for me. The aroma will wipe me off of my feet and I may find myself sulking as no biscuits and gravy for me unless I can find something organic I can sink my teeth into. But as with everything else, I’m over thinking and allowing a little paranoia to venture its way into my assertiveness.

I am so glad that from day one of my diagnosis I was led right to The Truth About Cancer and Chris Wark and every doctor they’re affiliated with. It was no coincidence, as I don’t believe in coincidence. It could have been me manifesting my wishes in beating this disease alternatively but I would rather believe that I was led there by my FAITH and trust in God!

I am a Christian soldier, marching as to war, with the cross of Jesus, going on before! This fight is far from over. As with many other wars, this one can’t be won in a couple months or a year, this one will take years but I am up to the challenging battle. One day I’ll even be open to discussions where I can debate who is right and who is wrong but I’m not there yet. I’m coming up on my one year since diagnosis on January 25th, and two years since I felt the prominent lump in December. So you see, this battle is far from over and that is why continued prayer will carry me to victory.

3 John 1:2 “Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.”

May God bless the believers and non-believers alike!

A Disciplined Warrior

2 Chron. 12:14 “And he did evil, because he prepared not his heart to seek the LORD.”

The Disciplined Warrior God Created

Discipline is never easy. Do you remember as a small child some parents disciplined their children? Whether it was taking something away, a smack on the fingers, or a paddle to the butt. Our parents knew we needed discipline if we were ever to learn from our mistakes.

I’m not talking abusing your children here; I’m talking about discipline. 

“Mom, can I go over to Janie’s house?” 

“Did you clean up your room?”

“I’ll do it later.”

Do it now or you can’t go to, Janies.”

Through discipline, children learn respect. They learn to respect parents, teachers and people in general. As you can see, over the years as society disintegrates it is quite obvious the reason behind the fall. Discipline. Even in the most gentle form, discipline has been left on the side of the road for some government official to come by with a sweeper to clean up the mess. Our children are not the only ones wounded by the lack of discipline in society.

Spare the rod and spoil the child comes to mind when referencing God’s plan for us to discipline. He had in mind raising the child in the way that he should go so it would change the world with each new era and generation. Change it did when discipline became an avenue for abusing the child. Now parents are being led to neglect the child and let them pretty much raise themselves with technology as a babysitter. Parents are now allowing the internet and technology to now raise our children and look how well that’s turning out! 

Prov. 13:24 "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."

Adults need discipline also. As I look around at an overweight society, a slowly dying nation has taken shape and I see so many people who lack discipline, lack the skills it takes and forges ahead into the future on sheer blind ambition.

Job 15:35 “They conceive mischief, and bring forth vanity, and their belly prepareth deceit.”

Just like the child who grows to resent discipline, we as an adult species stomp our feet like children when it comes to being disciplined. Some adhere to the discipline, some shrug it off as an annoying nagging pain that will go away, some see discipline as an invasion of the ‘it’s-all-about-me-world’ in which they live.

If you see God as your Father then you should know a little bit about discipline and what He expects from us human beings. He had plans to guide us in life but instead, we became too vain and thought we could march through the world alone, live life without Him holding the reins.

When I was first diagnosed eight months ago with this disease, I turned TO God not AWAY from Him and asked Him what I should do. While he gives some women other options he gave me the option of alternative treatment but I’d need to be disciplined in my approach. I would need the full armor that he bestowed upon me; I would need the strength of little David going into a war of huge proportions. I would meet the giant (big pharma, oncologists, and surgeons) head on and it would wage war against me and I’d need to fight tooth and nail to rise above to reclaim the undisciplined life I was leaving behind.

I had in the palm of my hand faith and hope to endure the trying times that I knew I would face. There is no Awareness Month for the people FIGHTING cancer, there is only a month of awareness set aside for women who are fighting the effects of chemotherapy!

Did you know the reason behind October being Breast Cancer Awareness Month? Back in 1985 the pharmaceutical company pretended to need money and asked you to be aware of the growing-in-astronomical-numbers-the-deaths-from-BC or something like that. BCAM for chemo patients,  and the appearance of survivors of chemo, not for people fighting an illness.

What the pharmaceutical palace didn’t mention was that women (and men) were dying from chemotherapy drugs. No, the awareness that the pharma wants us to look at is the fear and death tied to all that they did to the millions who have perished from a drug, not a disease. Us warriors out here fighting for our life are overlooked, we’re left behind road kill to be scooped up and tossed in the dumpster because we didn’t bend to their way of doing things.

We don’t have a National Compassion Month for WARRIORS, no we have the pharma begging for even more money to be used to make an even better drug to kill cancer patients. THAT is what you support when you go out in force to support BCAM!

It all boils down to discipline. The ones who shrug off discipline because they know what’s better for them than any God are the ones who suffer from the diseases ravishing the world. We do absolutely nothing to change, we just look out at the ocean of people and declare, ‘I am one of you.’

From day one, my sword was sharpened and I went into battle. I went up against a maniacal society hell-bent on doing everything on their own, in their own way never understanding the need or demand for discipline in their lives. I often feel alone but when I look behind I see an army of women and men fighting the exact same way as I am and we’re winning. Quietly we’re winning without the fanfare of a united National Pharma Month. No, we’re alone in this war but in the end, it is disciplined spirits who will win.

All praise and Glory to God!

1 Sam. 7:3 “And Samuel spake unto all the house of Israel, saying, If ye do return unto the LORD with all your hearts, then put away the strange gods and Ashtaroth from among you, and prepare your hearts unto the LORD, and serve him only: and he will deliver you out of the hand of the Philistines.”

I Choose Alternative

Deut. 3:22 “Ye shall not fear them: for the LORD your God he shall fight for you.”

Alternative: Holistic Health

The definition of alternative is #1. Choice limited to one of two or more possibilities, as of things, propositions, or courses of action, the selection of which precludes any other possibility:

When I was diagnosed, oncologist one and two NEVER gave me an alternative, they gave me a basic death sentence, in the form of slaughter, drugs, radiate, more drugs with only a ten year added lifespan, no alternative! When I asked for time to make a decision, once again, no alternative, slice and dice me like I was some kind of fruit salad being thrown together, make me poorer than I already am and basically suck the life right out of me. “She’s not committing,” is what onc. 1 said. You’re darn tootin’! I’m not committing myself to a death sentence!

Did you know that before the synthetic world of creating drugs to pacify you was made into a billion dollar industry, herbs were used to heal? The map in the link didn’t work for me but the story is well worth sharing. Herbal remedies have been around for centuries. The Native Americans, Asians, and too many cultures to name, all used herbal remedies. It seems that the American man saw a dollar sign for creating synthetic drugs that made people THINK they were being healed but it was really a pacifier to keep man addicted so they needed the drug for the rest of their lives, making the pharmaceutical companies billions of dollars.

Now when people choose to take an alternative path they’re frowned upon. I do have friends that won’t even talk to me because of this route I’m taking, for whatever reason. This is why I’m not putting my vitamin and NUTRIENT intake out here yet because I’m still learning of how each one interacts with each other. I don’t want to give false and misinformed information. All of this information is going to be part of my book so I need to be precise. I’ll explain how I found the info and used it to benefit all of us alternative treatment warriors!

There ARE alternative choices to drug, slice, and dice but you have to be willing to become a scientist, a researcher, a doctor, and a HEALER not a pacifier. You are not going to cover your illness in pharmaceutical drugs, you’re not going to hide behind meds to mask your pain, you are going to become a warrior! There is nothing like a death sentence to have you reshaping the you that you are now. You DO have an alternative to drugs!

You may feel a little whacky for some of the things I’m going to show you, but again, you have an alternative. You can go the drug route, damage your immune system, and for the rest of your life be a prisoner of Big Pharma or go the alternative route to real healing. The CHOICE is up to you. 

What is so ironic is that people choose alternative religions, gods, idols, political parties, food choices (generic or name brand) but choose an alternative treatment for a Life-Altering illness, go against what the herd of sheep being led to slaughter is doing and you’re the one in the wrong? I’m here to tell you, you are NOT in the wrong! YOU have a choice and YOU are choosing to LIVE!

Let me tell you another thing, you may feel very isolated and alone but you are NOT alone. You’ll find a support system in dear friends who will understand the death sentence you were given. You’ll find friends surrounding you and actually be supportive to you in your challenge to live. Keep these friends close, THEY are a part of the HEALING!



I wrote a poem quite a few years ago (late 80’s or early 90’s) titled Music Divine. When I wrote the poem I had in my mind the thought that music had healing properties. I even wrote a few blogs about it but this is the most recent. I believe with every fiber of my being that God was preparing me for this day. Through all the pains, struggles and stresses that life threw at me, God was preparing me, making me strong to handle this very day that I’m facing now.

~ Music Divine ~

Divine is the dancing pirouette of sound

Bathing in the luminosity of space

A bastion of baubles blazing boldly

Rhythm masking in the ticker-tape of time

Reverberating in reverent chime

Compliant to the composer of conceit

Fastidious to the feasible feast

Notorious notes nourish in sync

Melody meets a measure combine...

Divine is the dancing ~~ pirouette of sound!

copyright ©Joni Zipp

On our journey, I’m going to show you ways to allow music to be a fraction of your healing. We’re going to de-stress our lives via meditation on the word of God or whatever you choose to meditate upon it is YOUR choice. I’m not here to judge your choice; I’m here to simply guide you to an affordable way of healing.

While I’ve had to basically beg my friends for money (the majority of my family just don’t care or they think I have some hidden fortune and am able to magically heal myself or they think I can realistically afford the drug route, who knows.) Sitting here two thousand dollars in debt from just getting a diagnosis is another reason to go alternative. Vitamins and herbs are a lot cheaper than the slice and dice method.

I have seven hundred thirty-four dollars, plus an anonymous donor behind the scenes who has purchased vitamins for me and has sent me money (directly to my house), and it has allowed me to get a GREAT start on my healing via the purchase of the major supplements I NEED! It also helps with the organic purchases I need. As we all know, real nutrition costs money, that is why organic foods are so high in price, it costs to bring the most nutritious foods to your food market.

My friends are indispensable! They are with me on this journey and I know that without their support, this part of the healing would not be taking place. My best advice is to surround yourself with REAL friends who really care! My husband is out here struggling to pay all the regular monthly bills, besides what has hit us with this illness. He’s a trooper too, you know. Being disabled only allows him to work part time hours, but the man is totally behind me going the alternative route and fully supports this journey of mine.

Know the importance of having people behind you, this will give you the strength you need on this long arduous journey. In two years you should be able to loosen the grip of your strict, and I mean STRICT new healing diet! In the meantime, you are going to feel GREAT while many are out in the world struggling in pain and addicted to pharma, YOU ARE ON THE PATH TO HEALING! 

Here’s to US, WARRIORS! God Bless!

Isa. 9:5 “For every battle of the warrior is with confused noise, and garments rolled in blood; but this shall be with burning and fuel of fire.”

Dysfunctional Family

Luke 17:3 “Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.”

Family

Many know of the circumstances of my family. I’ve said over and over again we’re not a tight knit, religious in any way family but oftentimes that leaves people scratching their heads and saying “What?”

Let me paint a picture: I have an older brother, J, who is 59 and living in Tennessee somewhere. I haven’t spoke to him in about 13 years and there really is no doorway to communication for reasons I won’t elaborate.

Then there is my second eldest, T: He’s an oxycontin addict/alcoholic living somewhere in Baltimore doing the ‘house squatting’ thing ie: moving from house to house, flopping wherever he can.

Then there is Ja who I just spoke to yesterday. (more about him later)

There is M who is married to a woman 16 years his senior living happily high on life in the ‘we’re doing great ignoring you’ world.

Then there is my sister, T, who is wrapped up in her family struggling to be everything for my mother and father. I haven’t spoke to her since June when her grandbaby was born.

What a mixed up mess, eh? There you have it, altogether six non-communicative siblings and a dying father and a disabled mother. I call my mother daily and I have for the thirteen years since I left home for brighter horizons. Little did I know I’d be out here, in the middle of nowhere with the inability to ever return home ie: my birthplace.

Last week when my father fell ill, I thought he’d be home by Sunday but he wasn’t so I took it upon myself to notify Ja. (I’m using initials to protect their privacy) Ja had no idea my father was sick, no one felt the need to inform him and he thanked me.

Him and I were the closest of all siblings and as dysfunctional life proves, no one was happy seeing US get along and well, that is where a lot of resentment arose. Even my mother and father were annoyed of our friendship. And that is what it was, a friendship. I befriended the black sheep and no one else did. As always *I* was the lone warrior in an extremely dysfunctional family.

At one time in my life, I was the only one that spoke to EVERY single one of them. I was there for them, their kids, the parties, the births of their children, the godmother of two, the helper of all. Even my mother and father, I was the only one who was there for EVERY thing! When my brother Ja had a second child I thought I’d be a godmother for a third time but no, he asked my sister whom he was TRYING to be a friend to in some way. (Yeah, that didn’t work out for him so well as you can imagine.)

By the time I left home, it was MY time. I had to finally realize that there was no hope, no one left to LOVE the only way I knew how to love. I was branding myself a ‘self-imposed’ black sheep. The pain I went through the first six years or so after I left, no one knew, no one cared, no one called, I was alone without the crutch of the dysfunctional family.

Yes, *I* called, I cared and I still tried to hold onto the crutch until I couldn’t hold onto the nothingness any longer and let it slip through my fingers like liquid in a strainer. I had to let go to embrace the new family I had joined and was welcomed into with open arms. I am not judged out here in the middle of nowhere. I’m not expected to do and be more than I can be and isn’t that what life is all about really? Being accepted for who you are?

“And the day came when, the risk to remain in a tight bud, was more painful than the risk it took… to BLOSSOM.” ~ Anais Nin

My brother and I spoke for well over an hour yesterday. He went on and on about his kids, his life and how much he strives to be the father to his kids that my father wasn’t to us. He asked about the siblings and he was shocked to find out that our sister lived not far up the road from him and that three of her kids lived there with her. I did tell him that I didn’t want to come home and see my father in an urn or a coffin and he understood. Completely understood.

I did get to squeeze into the conversation that sometimes I had to walk with a cane because of arthritis in my back and he was like, “Wow, how old ARE you?” Then we went over the siblings’ ages and whatnot, finally ending the conversation with the ‘I love you’ and stay in touch jargon.

After the call ended, I was hit smack dab in the forehead with realization. None of them know me. Do they know I’m a writer? I’m the editor of a newsletter? Do any know of my pain and suffering with arthritis? Do any of them care about MY life or that I’m even alive?

I got the answer from my Father in heaven on whether I should return home to see my family. NO was plain and clear not much unlike my father on earth had said when asked if I should come home, “Maybe next time.”

Don’t pity me or misunderstand where I’m coming from, I am at PEACE with every decision I’ve made in my life and I WILL go on living the life that God Himself has etched out for me.

“Trust yourself. You’ve survived a lot and you’ll survive whatever is coming.”

 ~ Robert Tew