A Dove Tale

In Texas, my dove visits

Josh. 1:9 "Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."

A Dove Tale

I know my friends think I’m crazy, that’s a given. I’m always ranting and babbling about holistic and alternative treatment as if it is the Holy Bible of the medical world. I sure hope I never gave that impression. The first impression I like to leave you with is for you to go to God in prayer and see what He has to say about your situation. He DOES listen! He WILL answer!

Now the second thing I’d like to leave you with is timing and patience. We all go to prayer with wants and needs, OUR wants and needs. While God is all about our wants and needs too, with Him, it is all about in HIS time and not ours. Meaning sometimes we’re not going to like the answer we receive, or when we receive the answer.

When I was first diagnosed I went to Him first and listened to Him. Now you’re probably saying, “And He told you what you wanted to hear, right?” Well shockingly enough, yes and no. I had no intention of doing port chemo and when God gave me an option, alternative treatment, I listened but went for a second opinion from a doctor. It was obvious no doctor was going to hear me like God, or pay my thoughts and opinion one piece of mind. Nope, they were all about drugs and money, point blank! 

So, on I went for a year and a half listening, praying, loving, learning and healing. During this time I really tuned to the animal and plant kingdom. Whether it was my dog (who was still alive at the time), the stray dog who is still here four years after wandering onto my property, or the birds and squirrels. They are all a part of God’s kingdom and the kingdom I live in most of the time. Man has let me down on major levels throughout my life, so I have to have someone, some THING to turn to, I trust the animals. The squirrels, the Cardinals, the Doves, the Owls, the deer, the wandering wild turkey, and the Falcons; the signs, the wonders. There are more things I look for, if you can imagine, from God himself. I listen, good or bad, I have to listen, this is who I am, this is who God shaped me to be. He didn’t fashion me out of false clothing that I put on every day to prance around and show you, no I received the straight up Value Village clothing to walk around in and proudly display because this is who God created in ME!

I was recently hit with oncologist lies. I don’t know what to do with that. This is my third oncologist (I don’t have a variety out here in the middle of nowhere) so I go where God leads me. This doctor is doing an okay job, but he likes the fear tactics and scaring me and in my weakened state, I fall prey to what he offers. I’m alone and abandoned out here, I only have my husband, son, and my God. Yeah, that’s a lot to me! Besides my Spiritual Family, everyone else is just voyeurs along for the ride. 

1 Peter 5:8 “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

The Big C is nothing to mess with. I know in the deepest depths of my soul that this can be beaten on an alternative level but funds are needed for that route, funds I will never hold in my hand for say Vit. C therapy, Cannabis, UV therapy, a chiropractor even and so many more treatments but out of my reach. So I have to go with what I’m offered, cannot afford, but is covered.

The doctor wrongly assumed that by scaring me back into his office a week after my visit that he’d devour me with fear and I’d jump into Chemotherapy, the port chemo that he’s been pushing all along.  He hurried me in to tell me my markers had gone up, and unknown to me, had been going up all along, he LIED! He lied when he told me they were going down, they went down once, in Oct., then went up in Dec. Jan. Feb.! And here I was two visits in February. Of course I’m going to be scared. I trusted him! 

He didn’t know that his Navigator nurse had already canceled my oral chemo from being delivered. She had called the day of my blood test and told me to stop taking the toxic drugs and that is what I did, the doc was not prepared for me to say NO to port chemo. He wasn’t prepared for me to ask what the rush was and why couldn’t it have waited until my next scheduled visit. He mumbled and babbled but I was not ready to completely give up, just meet him on MY terms, not his. I agreed to the intravenous chemo drug Herceptin. Toxic and debilitating and I knew I’d need prayer and guidance on this one. Lord, don’t fail me now. This to me is not a courageous route. They won.

I agreed only if, by my next scheduled visit, my markers were still rising. I told him I’d wait around for the results and not wait to get home to be scared. I’m also going to ask for a printout of the graph that visually shows me my red, white and C cell counts. He didn’t know the nurse had one printed for me obviously because again he lied and said my red and white cell counts were rising also. I hold the graph in my hand and it shows no such thing. My red and white cells were still dropping. So we’ll wait and see. Do I go on or do I TRY and find another doctor. I can’t keep toying with my health! I run out of choices.

Prayer upon prayer, tear upon endless tear, decisions to be made, give up, give in or trudge on. My doctor also assumed I meant that I’d sign on for this drug and it would be in my arm like the next day. I said, no, I want another blood test before my hookup and he said he needed to schedule a test to check and see if my heart can handle this toxic drug they’re going to pump into my veins. I told him I work on my husbands' work schedule, not anyone else’s. We NEED food to eat and he NEEDS to work, I have to finish up my Physical Therapy and I’d see the good old liar in three weeks.

In these weeks I’ve prayed. I had to weigh the pros and cons. I shared with my husband and son and listened to their opinion, I prayed, because I already knew what ‘I’ wanted but I’d listen for God…..

I woke on a cold brisk morning, my feeder aflutter with my usual winter birds. For a week or two, a female cardinal had been hanging out with the sparrows and I asked her, “Where is Red? You get him back here!” Red is the male cardinal who only makes special appearances since he was chased away by the Blue Jay family. I needed to see him, I needed my ‘other’ family and that is the ones of the animal kingdom. 

On this morning he was hard to miss, his rich red color against the white snow as he scurried around for some stray seed. It’s funny when they seem to stop and look right at you, and slant their little heads, then go on about their business, but sure enough, Red made his appearance this day, no sign of Bell his lady friend.

In the following days as I waited to discern answers to my prayers, I enjoyed the bunnies at the feeder in the morning before the sunrise. Four bunnies, all of which I thought had moved on because I hadn’t seen them all winter. Tracks in the snow told me they were around but I never saw them until this morning when I turned on the outside light to see if it had snowed. To my surprise, there was snow AND bunnies! As the sun came slowly cresting over the horizon on this rare event of a day, (we never see the sun these frigid, gloomy days of winter) my birds along with the squirrels all started making their appearance.

This day was different, I could feel it but couldn’t put my finger on it. Then it happened, a dove came fluttering down with his mate, then another and another. They always come in pairs but recently the six-pack was only five. I don’t know what happened to the sixth dove. These were just your every day Morning Doves. Then the fifth dove appeared and I said good morning to them all. I know my husband thinks I’m crazy but hey, it’s all I have these days! Wait, what is that, a sixth dove, a WHITE dove! WHITE! Tears were brimming my eyes and I couldn’t say nothing for fear of scaring him away but I whispered, “A white dove! Honey, a white dove!” I was full fledge crying now, in all my years here I’ve NEVER seen a white dove! 

My husband jumped out of his chair and slowly went to the kitchen window after peeking out my window and seeing what I saw, a white dove! Through tears I asked him, “Please tell me you see him. Please tell me I’m not crazy.” 

“He’s there! I see him too!” 

A sigh of relief. I’m not letting God or my family down if I go this toxic route. Let me tell you in all honesty, I wanted God to tell me no, don’t do it! That would’ve been MY answer, but I have to listen. I could spin it and say God doesn’t want me to go this chemo route and twist His answer to meet my needs but that would be dishonest, that would make me as small and little as my doctor.

I was told to give it a try, if it has bad side effects that my body can’t handle, then stop, no matter what doctor liar says. This is my body, my temple for the Lord and I will only do what He leads me to do. If at the last minute my markers miraculously go down instead of up, I pull out of this chemo crud. I just feel there are too many obstacles that can’t be beaten with diet and supplementation alone.

Back to Square One… the will to survive.

P.S. In the following days, no Red,

only one dove, and the normal

sparrows and squirrels attend

the feeder. Just so you know.

This little fella visited me last year

The Story Continued ~ ER 3

Job 27:3 “All the while my breath is in me, and the spirit of God is in my nostrils;”

You might not see ER visits as answered prayer but this second ER visit is where I got a referral to an Oncologist after this sympathetic ER doctor heard my story of being turned away from my first two oncologists.

I had told my husband and son of MY wishes and I wanted their blunt honesty in THEIR wishes. Both wanted me to live and try the chemo route, maybe my way wasn't working anymore. No, this was not my wish, but I gave into half their wish, I made an appointment to go see the oncologist doctor. I respect their wishes because I too, don’t want to die. My alternative protocol had been working all along but the stress of a dying dog was too overwhelming and my body reacted; mind, body, and soul, internally and externally.

For eight months I watched as my 14-year-old dog slowly dwindled. Right around Christmas of 2017, she showed signs of her arthritis winning the battle of her bones. She was not making it up the steps too well and a month or two passed as we carried her up the stairs on a daily basis. We knew what was inevitable but no one wanted to face or admit what was happening. Everything I had tried was simply a pacifier and got her to August where the heartbreak became an inevitable reality. We had to let her go to release her from the constant pain we knew she was enduring. 

Eight months of stress. I had done the research and knew wholeheartedly that stress was an enormous factor in the onset and the spreading of this dreaded disease but I was so hellbent on my protocol, I didn’t see the failure for what it was. I was still feeling great, walking, riding my bike, eating right and taking my vitamins but slowly the walking became strenuous. Month after month walking worsened and I blamed everything except what the culprit was, STRESS was beating me over the head with a lead pipe, stress was winning the battle.

How do I know that stress was the culprit? As soon as we put our beloved Sassy to sleep, strangely things started to happen to me in great succession. I told you I’d straighten out the timeline in the editing phase of this story, but yeah, the ball started rolling and still to this day has not stopped. It has lost momentum but that’s a good thing, it means I’m gaining balance over the situation again.

Rolling along, I called the oncologists number and the secretary told me that the (prescribed) doctor was only available at the hospital, she could hook me up with (no name) the first oncologist that dumped me, I told her no way and she offered yet another colleague of the first oncologist. The appointment was made and now everything snowballed. 

The first appointment went as expected. My husband and I sat listening as we were told that chemo was the only way to go if I wanted any quality of life. I stood firm in my stance with my protocol but admitted stress had won out and I needed help. He almost laughed at my protocol and what I’d been doing for a year and a half, but the first blood test showed, I had done something right. He admitted that I had done a good job in taking care of myself. But now it was his turn if I’d allow.

I asked him about the Oral Chemo I had seen and read about, he said the product was still in trial phases and I asked why I was seeing commercials on TV for stage 4 ER+ PR+? Hmm...he left the room and came back and offered an Oral Chemo real quick as well as monitoring blood tests and a listening ear. He was hearing me for the first time, someone in the medical field was listening and hearing me. He also wanted me to see an orthopedic surgeon to see about the pain in my hip. But first he put me right in touch with Physical Therapy for my lymphedema in my arm and that also led to a Home Health nurse coming to check up on me.

I didn’t get to see the Orthopod (as nurses called them) before my third visit to the ER via ambulance. Once again, I was in pain, called 911, the ambulance came and I was scooted onto the gurney and taken to the hospital. As I was leaving, the Home Health nurse was coming to my door wondering what was going on. I let my husband and son handle her as for the third time, I was being escorted to the emergency room. The Volunteer Emergency Unit now called me by name. I joked on the ride so as not to let worry consume me. They always agreed that laughter was the best medicine.

X-rays once again, this one of my hip. This is the one that told the story of my disease basically eating away at my hip bone and causing them to be brittle. I was told my right leg was the one in most severe trouble and to guard it. I was put on morphine and sent home. My Oncologist and Orthopod both knew of the visit to the ER and reached out to me for a visit with each of them respectively. Both had dire prognosis’, use a walker at all times and look into buying a wheelchair. 

I let my left leg do all the work for my right leg. I was in a lot of pain when I walked so we ordered a wheelchair and it was on its way. Fear had now slithered into the place where stress has dwelled. My life was failing and I needed help that only my great God could give! I think prayer is the only thing to save me now. 

Jonah 2:7 "When my soul fainted within me I remembered the LORD: and my prayer came in unto thee, into thine holy temple."

The Story Begins - ER visit One

2 Cor.12:9 "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

ER visit One...

The first ER visit was the one that got the pebble rolling wherever I was being led on this path. The ride of a lifetime was sweeping me into its arms. And so the journey began. I'm not going for time consistency right now and will get back to it at the editing phase and make the timeline more clear. After the first ER visit, everything seems a fog, it was the first time in many many years that a hardcore drug entered my body, Percocet.

I couldn't breathe that night, my chest seemed to be tightening, the air in my lungs minimal and by morning, Steven accidentally missing his alarm, called for him to be at home that day and me needing to be driven to the ER. We drove to the Emergency Room entrance, pivoting to a (hospital owned) wheelchair, making it from car to hospital sign in, the formality and tagging began. This is where my birthdate would be the most uttered words over the next couple of months.

The ER2, 3, and 4 were all maddening visits in their own stage. While in ER1 I was told what the x-ray had shown. That my disease had metastasized (spread) to my liver. "Mets to the liver," he said. I didn't blink. I sat, I stared and quite honestly thought, 'and so it begins'. Don't ask me what 'it' was, I hadn't figured that part out but was assured in the deepest depths of my being, my sacred place, that I would know, and also I would know when it was time to share.

I left the hospital in tears, only a cane in my hand and my husband by my side. A blur, that is the only way I can describe it. I felt like I wanted to shelter this news in a cocoon and allow only one or two (okay, maybe three) people know that I was now Stage 4? I think that's what they call it when it has spread. Hey, some is still a blur. I'm still in my healing phase. It was at this time that I was told that I should use a walker at all times and think about getting a wheelchair. I should also make an appointment with my GP (General Practitioner) if for my pain and my inability to breath should I need medication to continue. The spot, I was told, was pressing on my lungs, making it feel like the air was being restricted. My oxygen level was 97%. 

Rolling right along I went. I made a GP appointment and thus began the struggle between illness and law. She was hesitant in prescribing Percocet 'because of the 'LAW', so she prescribed a delicate drug that did minimal assistance to my pain. Being raised in MG's placed me in the ER again, the pain too much to bear.

ER2 found me visiting by my first ever ambulance ride. Unable to breathe and a lot of pain in my lower extremities. The meds my GP gave me, obviously were not working and little did I know that the Opioid crisis running rampant across the nation would imprison medication to aid me but could be prescribed for 30 days only, then its, "SUFFER American, your illness means nothing to us, we have a drug problem here!" My illness is defined by legalities, stigmas and the good old Almighty Dollar! UNLESS you find a caring doctor.  

This doctor had NO PROBLEM prescribing my medication. I am Stage 4, what's going to happen to me, I'm going to become addicted in a couple of months or worse overdose and die? Get in line, we're all going to die some way somehow eventually and DRUGS are NOT going to take ME down! BUT I was now given a choice. I was ‘encouraged’ to go the chemo route. I was gently nudged to an Oncologist. I also sat nodding my head in utter disbelief I was going through this. I needed my son and husband. I had no idea what to do.

I think this is where I hopped on the merry-go-round for a spell. FEAR wrapped its long fingers around my neck gripping with flames of fire. Messages, mixed and otherwise were scrambling through my head. I heard them but I could not discern. Surely enough, I was on the fatal merry-go-round from a Ray Bradbury novel.

Friends and family were getting concerned, seeing that this was my second visit to the ER after all. I made the decision to see an Oncologist. Miracles were evident and prayers were being answered at this time. Some people like instantaneous answers to prayers but I AM LIVING PROOF, prayers are answered in the most minute ways. You might not see Steven missing his alarm clock as an answered prayer, but had he been at work and I, home alone? ER visit 2 brought me to a possible third oncologist looking at my disease since last year.
Think about the ramifications had God not intervened.

To be continued…

“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10 (NIV)

One Year Ago Today

Pss. 30:2 “O LORD my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me.”

One Year Ago Today

January 25, 2017, was one of the worst days of my life! That was the day I had an appointment with a doctor. I wasn’t told by my GP that she was a breast surgeon. Everything about doctors, to me, is a secretive mysterious puzzle of sorts.

The tests of the day were excruciating, to say the least. I had no say in the matter as to what was going to happen to me that day. I wasn’t given a choice, I was just told by a surgeon, that was only going by what she felt (the lump) that I had cancer and that a string of tests was in order to confirm.

If I was told about the tests doing more harm than good, I would have gone home to cry that instant but instead, I was wheeled from one test to the other. Pressed, prodded and poked in a puddle of tears left behind. 

When I finally returned home from all of the tests, I had to face my son, I had to tell my niece. She is a Reiki specialist and knows her stuff when it comes to holistic healing. She didn’t have one ounce of negativity in her words. She filled me with hope and inspired me to take on the whole team of oncologists and put them in their place. They worked for ME, not the other way around. They were not going to shape my disease in any way! 

You are free to read my last years worth of posts, all documenting this wondrous journey. My plans are to write a book, Beating Cancer on a Budget but as you know, I have to beat this disease before the book will ever see the light of day. But my blog is the (partial) documentation I’ll need to put the book together.

I am going to admit that the diagnosis that came two weeks after the tests were cryptic, to say the least. I was never given a stage of the BC, I was only told what HAD to be done, the chemicals and drugs that would be put into my system via an IV and pills/drugs I would take for ten years, the radiation and cutting of my body that I’d need; not one ounce of positivity. What they didn’t know was that I’m an optimist, in every sense of the word. They could not, as hard as they tried, fill me with fear of the disease that takes millions of lives!

Today’s post is not about the ‘bad news’ I received on this day a year ago. This post is about the BLESSING I received in knowing I, Joni, was given a second chance to turn my life around and change some wrongs and make them RIGHT! I peeked into the window of all the detrimental toxic treatment I had given my body over the years that basically is the cause of this disease. First on the agenda, life-changing protocol for daily living.

In the eyes of the medical profession, this disease cannot be won without their money-grabbing negativity infused treatment. Little do they know, or want to admit, there are thousands of people out here in the world successfully treating themselves with no surgery, zero radiation, and most of all no DRUGS!

After the diagnosis, the year of toxic weight lost, the abundance of pivotal supplements, I am healed! Have I received verification? Of course not, the doctors threw up their hands and disposed of me, moving onto their next victims of the disease.

I say I am healed because I asked my Lord and Savior and we’ve had some long talks over this year, He confirms all I need to know. You don’t need to wish me a happy anniversary because it is not a HAPPY anniversary, this is a day I wish to put behind me in my pile of negative build-up rubble. 

This is the day the Lord has made, I will REJOICE and be glad in it! I will not be sitting behind the screen today, I’m going to go out for awhile and love life. The NEW life I live with God beside me all the way.

All praise and Glory to Him! 

Pss. 118: 24 “This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.” 

Gateway To Health: The Journey

Rom. 8:25  “But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.”

Gateway to Health: The Journey

On this journey, have I always been filled with confidence? By no means! No one can get a life-altering diagnosis and walk away being filled with confidence. I can honestly say that the only thing that I had the utmost confidence in was God and His promises. I kept that front and center of my mind before I took the initial step of Natural Healing as opposed to chemical healing.

2 Cor. 4:7 “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.”

The first day after the diagnosis I sat in tears for hours on end. I felt for sure my eyes would burst from all the stress I put on them in one day. This was my day of mourning; the day that I put my past unhealthy life behind me and started off on a new journey. With staff in hand, I arose the next day with a mission, a mission of life-altering change! If you remember my former posts you’ll know the staff was needed for balance. My balance wasn’t so great so off I went…

My first line of defense was knowledge and understanding meaning a massive amount of research in what was going on in the disease world, specifically the Disease of Fear. Yup, that’s what cancer is, a disease of fear. That was one of the first things I learned on my step into the future. The disease is wrought with fear, chemicals, drugs, and misdiagnosis. To regain HEALTH, I had to wipe that off the slate right away and keep moving forward.

Some people will say that the disease is not one of fear but they’d be lying to themselves. It’s okay to lie to yourself but I went into this illness with TRUTH. God is my truth and God would guide me. Good or bad, I would accept whatever and wherever I landed. I landed on The Truth About Cancer page as well as Chris Wark’s page ChrisBeatCancer. Why would God lead me here if chemo and fear were the right routes to go, FOR ME?

Reading through these two sites (and many, many more I might add) I was being armored to go against what oncologists demanded of me. Demanded! They were not giving me anything but demands and fear-ridden protocols. When I asked for time to think it over, they demanded I make a decision right then and there or I would DIE! I smelled fear but once again I had to shrug it off and walk on and trust my instincts and most of all trust God.

Some will say, ‘how do you put so much trust and faith in a God that might or might not exist?’ Well let me tell you, I believe He created me, so if He wanted to take me away from this earth he could very well do so and he’s left me here this long. My entire life has been shaped and built on faith and trust in God, why would I NOT trust him now? Why would He let me down, NOW? Because this disease is a life or death matter? I digress, ALL of our lives are life and death, this diagnosis doesn’t change that.

Onto the next leg of the journey, drastically changing where the cause of this illness began, food, stress, and mind. One at a time I went through changing the food protocol, (plant-based for six months) NO CHEATING! And that includes sugars, carbs, and processed foods! 

The mind is a powerful organism. It can make or break you. If you don’t work hard to release the traumatic stress in your life that you subconsciously hold onto, you might as well go the chemo route because nothing will work for you. That’s how vital stress is to this disease or any illness for that matter. 

I was now dressed to change my life or die, I chose life. God chose life for me so the least I can do for Him is choose life also. I watch as so many people are given a life-altering diagnosis, like heart disease and the doctor says, change your diet, and no one does, just give them a drug to keep their heart ticking. Diabetes, the doctor says change your diet, and no one does, just give me a pill to keep my blood pumping. Obesity, change your diet but you say it’s too hard, give me a pill to help me along. Arthritis, change your diet. Psoriasis, change your diet. Do you see the pattern? But for cancer, the doctor NEVER says change your diet! But EVERY website I landed on pointed directly TO the diet! This is the only time in my life that I’ve found YouTube to be vital to aiding me in my healing plan. Using your Immune System to Fight Cancer was just another informative lesson for me to heal.


I am not in the fight for my life, I am on the journey of a lifetime, bringing about the change necessary to LIVE and THRIVE! While the doctors have all abandoned me, and me being in a state that doesn’t support LIFE, it supports doctors and pharmaceutical companies, money and greed, not HEALTH! The only One I can trust on this journey is my FAITH, my God, and my eternal Spirit!

While doctors are only given eight hours of training on nutrition and health, they don’t see the healing power of  ‘you are what you eat’. Their years of training are to pinpoint the illness and medicate. Some will tell you to change your diet and medicate at the same time instead of seeing if it is the overindulgence of bad eating habits that is the CAUSE of the illness or disease you’re experiencing. I think they know you won’t change and would rather stay the same and become dependent upon medication, they’re banking on that.

You may be too far gone to change (I don’t believe that, I do believe you won’t EMBRACE change, even when your life depends on it) and you may be in a state that is for the patient and not against the patient. We all have a CHOICE in the matter, that’s the greatest thing and even with this diagnosis, I CHOOSE LIFE! I am embracing the necessary changes to healthy living. My life depends on it! Your life depends on it. It’s what we do with that knowledge that brings us to the Gateway to HEALTH.

I live with the patience to endure day after day. I’m healthy, I’m alive and the change is worth a few added years to my lifespan. The only way I’m going out of this world is if God decides He needs me more there than doing my work here.


Rom 8:26-31 “Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.
And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.
Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.
What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?

A Deadline Looming

Pss. 95:1-2 “O come, let us sing unto the Lord: let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation. Let us come before his presence with thanksgiving, and make a joyful noise unto him with psalms.”

Deadline Looming

You might be wondering how I hold back the fear from creeping into my days and nights. You might also wonder how I can prove that fear doesn’t rule my being. Well for one, would I be able to sleep for eight hours a night if fear was leading me into bed? Would I be a happy-go-lucky face the day kind of gal if I allowed fear to run my days? That’s my proof right there and all the proof I need.

A year and a half. That’s what the oncologist gave me. His exact words were, “I give you about a year and a half to live without chemo.” I don’t know if that’s the type of fear he instills in all of his patients to get them to submit to slice, dice, drugs, and radiation, but in my eyes, it is a brutal fear tactic that wasn’t working on me.

Sure I wanted to crawl in a box and hide, never to be seen again but that was just my way of accepting this diagnosis, knowing full well I was not committing to what TWO oncologists wanted for me. The first oncologist pressed on my tumor and lymph nodes so hard, tears came to my eyes. It was a most painful exam. I had the bruises to prove that it was not a normal way of examining a person but when I complained I heard the ‘pffft’ sound as if my pain was being waved off.

The second oncologist spoke ill of my first oncologist saying, “she’s not right in the head.” This showed me that the only two oncologists in my area were vying for the money and would take great measures to work against one another. I don’t know if that is normal but I do know that BOTH were supposed to be working for ME, not the other way around. 

I set out on my adventure with just a canteen full of water and a backpack. The doctor’s and I had a parting of the ways since they felt I was killing myself and I thought they wanted to kill me, instead of helping me. That’s what it feels like out here in the middle of nowhere like my Lord and me are climbing a mountain alone. All I have is natural water from the stream and the fruits of the earth surrounding me on my journey. I’ve been climbing, step by step to get to the summit, the summit where I’ll declare I’m healed of this dastardly disease.

July 2018 is looming in the shadows, which is the year and a half mark, the mark that I’m still alive and thriving in LIFE. While I’ve lived my life grateful for every twist, every turn, every up and every down, this year is the one I’m most grateful for. I’ve had the chance to see who my true friends and family are that really care, I’ve had the luxury of losing weight that I didn’t even know I needed to lose! I’ve had the wake-up call of a lifetime and am being granted the opportunity to CHANGE! 

We wake up every day with a sunrise and a chance to change our lives. Some choose not to change, some choose to stay the same but will whine and complain consistently, some will wake and want to change but don’t know where to begin. I say have HOPE! There is hope in every aspect of life and if you can’t, won’t or don’t embrace HOPE, you are not embracing life or the chance to change for the better.

When the oncologist gave me a year and a half to live, I gave myself HOPE that only God gets to decide when I live or die. There are many people who choose to guide their own life, make their own decisions on which way to go. Me, I let God decide for me what path I take to reach the summit.

Many people walk in fear. When a doctor gives them an ultimatum, they have no choice but to believe what they say because they were raised to believe that the doctor would never lead them astray. As I watch with eyes wide open at an addicted and overweight nation, I pretty much can see that the doctors have led these people to slaughter. The doctor is choosing when the people will die and that is the bottom line. They hold lives in their hands and I’m not seeing a rise in success stories, I’m seeing a rise in deaths. 

I sometimes amaze myself with which the stamina I have in every waking day. I never wake and think of what can go wrong in the course of a day; I rise, put a few coals on the fire and face the seconds wrapped in the warmth of my Lord knowing each moment will be a day of gratefulness in living. I never allow fear to hold the reins of my life. 

When I view my life, I see black and white, pages and pages of paper with words on them filling in my life story. When I glance out at the world, I see a stack of blank pages. People are blank papers with no story, no gratitude, no life worth writing save for but a few.

I realized something yesterday as we were shopping for our Thanksgiving Day meal; there were stacks of blank pages all blowing in the wind as if a high-powered fan blew them into existence. People not concerned for the person in front of them or behind them, they were more concerned with what was in the palm of their hand, a technological tool that steals their soul and leaves them empty.

I came home from the store to find the gratitude I woke with. I have food, delicious earth formed food right at my fingertips. I have love and hope for every waking day. I’m thriving putting words to paper and living each day to what I deem worthy of ME! While the technology of my life may sit in the backseat for the next seven months, I’ll be driving the healing home where it belongs, thriving in me! This Thanksgiving I will celebrate being alive and eternally grateful for the chance to CHANGE all that has gone wrong inside of me and to face any fear by throwing hot coffee in its face! Take THAT! 

Pss. 23:4-6 “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.”

AMEN! 

My Arsenal

Rom. 14:3 "Let not him that eateth despise him that eateth not; and let not him which eateth not judge him that eateth: for God hath received him."

The Arsenal

I went to the doctor to have what I thought was just a cyst in my breast checked out. With my age and all that I had read up to that point, led me to believe it wasn’t serious. I didn’t want to read too much into it so as not to become paranoid.

Here’s how it happened. By physical inspection, I was told it was ‘the Big C’. After three, to me unnecessary tests, the mammogram, the CT scan, and a biopsy, I was diagnosed with what people deem, ‘The Death Sentence’ disease. I guess to doctors, the supposed brains of a diagnosis, one blood test would not confirm the certainty of what I had, so I needed to have those three radiation/chemical testings done! I was in an extremely weakened state that morning and they could have shipped me right to surgery and I would not have had the strength to resist their demands. I would have been in even deeper debt than I am because of those tests, and much worse off than I am today.

I knew what I didn’t want to do immediately from experience of the MANY deaths in my family from the C and that was, I did not want to go near the slice and dice, radiate and kill method. Front and center in my mind, besides an overflow of a river of tears, there was NO WAY was I going that route.  

I began immediately searching the net. I went onto facebook, my family account, and reached out to my niece who I knew was into holistic healing. She is a Reiki Specialist and has gone to college to further her knowledge in that field. I told her my plan and she immediately put me in touch with Alternative Healing Groups that she herself was a part of to further her understanding. I surrounded myself with like-minded individuals that are going through the same thing.

I tolerated the two oncologists visits that weakened me, broke me, shattered everything I had built up, they tore down. I fled from them as a Christian wards off satan, like a dog shakes off the water, I closed the doctors out of my mind and kept them from touching my body.

I knew my first line of defense would be supplements. I needed strong ones that were going to go right to the cell and begin destroying the poisons that they already put in me, I needed it quick, I needed it now! One of the very first posts I stumbled on was Chris Beat Cancer after that was The Truth About Cancer, two very powerful tools in themselves in the fight against this! 

Three supplements kept popping up and that was Selenium, turmeric and black pepper, and Curcumin. I went to the Health Food Store and purchased an expensive dose of healing tools to begin my fight. I was now relinquished to becoming a warrior going off to battle in a mere matter of days! 

I had on the armor of God, which was my first line of defense. I had many of my friends who were there with their support of whatever I chose. My niece flew into action and started a Fund Raiser for me to help with the purchase of my supplements and organic food route, I was now well on my way to healing after those two doctor visits. The doctors used fear and encouraged the slice/dice/radiate me method over ANYTHING healthy. I chose LIFE!

EVERYTHING else, science, truth, and support led me to many healing supplements, and also numerous healthy foods that I would need and could use to take on this battle with me. This is where I was being led from day two of my diagnosis. I believed it could be done, I found scientific PROOF that it could very well be done, and my God assured me He would be there every step of the way. That is of vital importance here. 

Your spiritual mindset is what will guide you. Some choose the slice/dice/ radiate method and God walks with them also. He will NOT make the decision for you on what you should or shouldn’t do but He WILL support you every step of the way no matter what you choose. I have to make that clear because not everyone chooses the route I’m taking, and that is okay, for THEM.

I have found hundreds, if not thousands of testimonies of healing through alternative methods. I did not come to this decision lightly, a lot of prayer and meditation ensued in the following days after the diagnosis but I knew what I wanted and what I definitely didn’t want.

Here is my arsenal thus far. Remember, everything that went into my mouth was the first swift change. No sugar and no carbohydrates or processed food, no dairy and no meat. Deep spiritual prayer, hourly holy meditation, and physical change were first and foremost in the fight.

Note: While I’ve listed three links, I have done 5 months of research and three links per vitamin are the MINIMAL amount of links I used in setting up my arsenal! If one of the links don't work, copy/paste into your browser and appreciate all my hard work in putting this together for you. 
I’m still learning as I go, so this is just the beginning. Judge if you wish. 

*Selenium – Selenium, Quercetin, Turmeric, Boswellia need to be taken together

http://www.life-saving-naturalcures-and-naturalremedies.com/natural-cancer-cures-selenium.html 
http://www.breastcancerchoices.org/selenium.html 
https://thetruthaboutcancer.com/selenium-benefits-cancer-prevention/ 

*Quercetin
http://www.chrisbeatcancer.com/most-powerful-flavonoid-in-the-galaxy/
https://thetruthaboutcancer.com/quercetin-fights-5-major-types-of-cancer/
http://www.naturalhealth365.com/quercetin-cancer-cells-2065.html

*Turmeric 
https://www.canceractive.com/cancer-active-page-link.aspx?n=1571
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/cancer/expert-answers/curcumin/faq-20057858
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22471448 

*Boswellia
https://www.terrytalksnutrition.com/health-articles/natural-hope-for-breast-cancer/
https://examine.com/supplements/boswellia-serrata/
https://selfhacked.com/blog/boswellia/

*Ginger root – too many links to list!!
https://foodrevolution.org/blog/ginger-cancer-treatment/
https://thewholejourney.com/ginger-is-stronger-than-chemotherapy-for-cancer/
https://breastcancerconqueror.com/ginger-more-powerful-than-chemotherapy-for-healing-breast-cancer/

*Green Tea CR – again, too many to link to.
https://www.cancertutor.com/greentea/
http://www.cancertherapyadvisor.com/fact-sheets/green-tea-cancer-fact-sheet/article/664514/
http://preventcancer.aicr.org/site/PageServer?pagename=foodsthatfightcancer_green_tea

*Turmeric Black Pepper – The dynamic duo of herbal treatment
https://csn.cancer.org/node/219876
https://www.herbaffair.com/blog/the-dynamic-duo-turmeric-black-pepper/
https://www.turmericforhealth.com/turmeric-benefits/health-benefits-of-black-pepper-and-turmeric

*B Stress Complex – I’ve been taking this for four years to help with my arthritis problems

*Grapeseed
https://www.cityofhope.org/research/research-overview/superfoods-research/superfoods-grape-seed-extract
https://www.omicsonline.org/open-access/anticancer-effects-of-grape-seed-extract-on-human-cancers-a-review-2157-2518-S8-005.php?aid=24652
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/263332.php

*Oregano Oil – too many links to post
http://www.healthy-holistic-living.com/can-oregano-oil-kill-cancer.html
http://www.chrisbeatcancer.com/four-cancer-fighting-spices/
http://alternativa-za-vas.com/en/index.php/clanak/article/oregano-oil

*Vitamin D3 (Vit. D3. magnesium, and milk thistle is taken together pack a powerful punch)
http://www.cancercenter.com/community/newsletter/july-2013/vitamin-d-and-cancer/
http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2010/03/11/is-vitamin-d-the-silver-bullet-for-cancer.aspx
http://www.lifeextension.com/magazine/2006/3/report_vitamind/page-01

*Magnesium
https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/magnesium-the-cure-to-all-disease/
https://breastcancerconqueror.com/magnesium-deficiency-breast-cancer/
http://drsircus.com/magnesium/magnesium-is-basic-to-cancer-treatment/

*Milk Thistle
https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/treatment/cam/hp/milk-thistle-pdq
https://integrativeoncology-essentials.com/2013/01/read-about-the-numerous-anti-cancer-and-protective-effects-of-milk-thistle-extract-silymarin/
http://www.healthline.com/health/milk-thistle-and-breast-cancer

*Dandelion root – For immune system and inflammation (also a natural diuretic)
https://www.cancertutor.com/dandelionroot/
https://sunwarrior.com/healthhub/11-health-benefits-of-dandelion-leaves-and-dandelion-root
https://www.organicfacts.net/health-benefits/herbs-and-spices/health-benefits-of-dandelion.html

*B12
https://thetruthaboutcancer.com/vitamin-b12-deficiency/
http://www.cancernetwork.com/integrative-oncology/vitamin-b12
https://www.canceractive.com/cancer-active-page-link.aspx?n=513

*COQ10
https://www.cancertutor.com/shrinktumors/
http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2000/09/10/coq10-cancer.aspx
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0032790/

*Aloe Vera
https://www.cancertutor.com/shrinktumors/
http://www.naturalnews.com/021858_aloe_vera_gel.html
http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/cancer-in-general/treatment/complementary-alternative-therapies/individual-therapies/aloe

*Echinacea/Myrrh Gum
http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/cancer-in-general/treatment/complementary-alternative-therapies/individual-therapies/echinacea
http://www.rainbow.coop/library/echinacea-root-extracts-and-cancer-cells/
http://www.cancerplants.com/herb_news/myrrh.html
http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/jesus-miracle-myrrh-cure-cancer-article-1.2896616

*Frankincense
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/314366.php
http://drericz.com/frankincense-oil-cancer-immunity/
https://thetruthaboutcancer.com/frankincense-and-cancer/

*Apple Cider Vinegar
https://thetruthaboutcancer.com/health-benefits-of-apple-cider-vinegar/
http://www.chrisbeatcancer.com/mmmm-vinegar/
http://truedemocracyparty.net/2013/03/apple-cider-vinegar-acv-kills-cancer-anti-viral-anti-fungal-anti-bacterial-anti-septic-kills-98-of-all-germs-natures-perfect-health-food/

Vitamin C (5,000 mg)

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/cancer/expert-answers/alternative-cancer-treatment/faq-20057968

*Iodine – two hours before or two hours AFTER Vit. C
http://www.naturalmedicinejournal.com/journal/2014-06/iodine-and-cancer
http://jeffreydachmd.com/iodine-treats-breast-cancer/
https://www.canceractive.com/cancer-active-page-link.aspx?n=3669

*Garlic tabs and cloves of garlic!
https://breastcancerconqueror.com/garlic-delivers-a-powerful-punch-against-cancer/

And all the fruit and vegetables I can eat!
(newly added)
*Probiotic
https://www.mdanderson.org/publications/focused-on-health/may-2015/FOH-probiotics.html
http://www.livestrong.com/article/423921-can-probiotics-be-harmful-to-cancer-patients/
http://probiotics.mercola.com/probiotics-health-benefits.html

*BlackStrap Molasses w/ Iron (supplement form)
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC305362/ 
https://draxe.com/blackstrap-molasses/
http://ohmbars.com/2017/04/the-health-benefits-of-blackstrap-molasses/
http://www.naturalnews.com/026296_molasses_health_sugar.html

*14 mushroom complex

https://thetruthaboutcancer.com/medicinal-mushrooms-cancer/
http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2014/03/15/mushrooms-cancer-treatment.aspx
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/mar/02/could-mushrooms-cure-cancer


This should be it for a while. I also read that after a year of use, the body builds its own immunity to each one. After a year I’ll switch up the herbal supplements but keep the vitamin intake. For those who say this is too many vitamin/herbal supplements, I watched a video of a woman who is now twelve years cancer free after her diagnosis of only months to live. She went holistic and saved herself! She was at 97 vitamins and supplements a day! She’s ALIVE! There are NUMEROUS testimonials to these FACTS! Too many to ignore but the doctors and the Big Pharma will fight you every step of the way as you venture on HEALTHY living. 

It’s funny, people will judge what I’m doing to SAVE my life, but they never judge the very things that they do, like unhealthy eating habits, that are going to END their life. Hmm…go figure.


Mushrooms

10 Cancer fighting phytonutrients

Hope In The Hopeless

2 Cor. 1:3-4 (ESV) “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

Hope in the Hopeless

Shocked, saddened or heartbroken, that is the reaction you get when you tell people your diagnosis. The Big C has always carried with it the equality of a death sentence. They don’t see the hope of Christ living in us and working through us, they see disaster, dread, empathy, basically, they see death in us.

I’ve learned in my life that Jesus overcame death and it is not something to be feared. If we feared death with every downfall we have in our life, every affliction, every illness, and disease, we would see it as a disaster about to happen. Opportunity knocks in the strangest of situations. Some people are used to show you the Glory of God in an affliction as we show you the Light of Christ shining through us.

There IS hope in the hopeless; you just need to be willing to see past your own hardened observations. Empathizing is a lot different than sympathizing.  Empathizing is almost like feeling sorry for a person going through a difficult stage in their life where sympathizing is feeling equal in understanding what the person is going through. 

Definition of:
Empathy – the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

Sympathy -- harmony of or agreement in feeling, as between persons or on the part of one person with respect to another.

When my Dad, Aunt, and Uncle were all battling this same disease, I felt sorry for them because I couldn’t do anything so I felt helpless and I didn’t understand what they were going through because I had never been through the same thing. As individual and unique as this disease is, we all handle the diagnosis and treatment differently. 

Many are conditioned to see a death sentence. Many see no hope in the hopeless, many also would rather turn their heads to ignore the situation than bringing HOPE to the hopelessness people feel.

I’ll admit, after hearing the initial diagnosis, it crumbled me like a cookie. I saw my life slowly flash before my eyes and I saw an imminent death sentence awaiting me. The oncologists fed me their lies and I believed them, even after I had accepted this illness, they continued to shovel in the fear and hopelessness. I would enter the office full of hope, I would leave wondering where the broom was to sweep up the mess I’d leave behind. 

I would regain the hope I walked in with not long after leaving the office and I promised myself I wouldn’t put myself through that series of negative mud-slinging ever again. I would build on my strength with the Lord and I would walk a path few are brave enough to face. Even if it is not considered bravery, there needs to be an inner strength and willingness to walk the path that might look dim to others but to you is a path of Light.

I see hope in the hopeless. Just like the rain filled days, I always saw the sun shining through. The stationary bike is a perfect example. I could see the days on end of rain as taking my newly formed walking routine away from me but instead, I saw the bike in the basement as a ray of light! And this week, I learned from hubby’s mom, who gave us the bike, that it had a story behind it.

Just a reminder, things always walk through my door free of charge or of minimal price when I need them the most, the bike rode in when my husband was suffering from blindness. The bike sat in his mother’s basement doing nothing and she didn’t want to get rid of it, but when her son needed something to keep his idle body busy, she offered the bike to us.

Many years ago, his mother had found out that someone had entered her name in a raffle. She is not one to sign up for raffles for her own reasons but this person signed her up and guess what she won? The bike! It’s a nice stationary bike, a Schwinn to be exact, with an arm exerciser as you peddle too! She took it not knowing what to do with it so it sat in her basement, years on end until her son went blind and she offered it to him. Little did she know that it would be a blessing to me also. We moved to Nebraska eight years ago BECAUSE of his blindness and had we remained in Texas, no bike, no story. His sight was restored in another miraculous moment that I wrote about, years ago.

God works in mysterious ways of bringing HOPE to the hopeless! I frequently see meme after meme telling me not to donate to the Goodwill because they are making millions off of us people. I have to disagree, I have never gone into a Goodwill where a Cadillac was parked outside and the manager was wearing an expensive Armani suit. No, I see people of my class or lower, working the register, working the backroom unloading donations, I see people WORKING and not for millions of dollars either. That is the only place where I can go and AFFORD nice jeans and clothes and I’m not ashamed to admit it either! I donate clothes to them and I buy clothes from them. 

Hope in the hopeless, from a 2011 post of mine: “Ok, Shady Brooks is a place in my mind where water ripples downstream, I create the illusion of the rainbow permanently above my head inspiring me to move forward in life, sitting on the edge of the water with my notebook in hand. No laughter, just the rushing water, wind-chimes off in the distance and me sitting there, alone, waiting for sanity to brush my face and as they slowly appear, I realize, they are all new people, that have entered my life and are lifting me to the heights that I need to be.”

It isn’t just me bringing hope to the hopeless; it is my friends bringing hope to me, too. They are surrounding me with support and without them, I don’t feel this path would be as easy going as the past four months (fourteen years of friendship for that matter) have been. Sure I have my down days but there is HOPE waiting for me at the beginning and end of every single day! I make the most of a day and I find a peace in my affliction and will continue to share my HOPE and Light with you!

God Bless You, one and ALL! 

Pss. 111:1 “Praise ye the LORD. I will praise the LORD with my whole heart, in the assembly of the upright, and in the congregation.”

There is no one like our God!

God of this City

The Path To Success

Gen.1:29-31 “Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed which is upon the face of all the earth.…To you it will be for meat." … And God saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was very good.”

The Path to Success

There is a path that leads to success. Success is defined as the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. With this aim to accomplishment in your hand, you will be led down a path, rocky at times, leading to success. Once you start down the path, don’t look back to see how far you’ve come, keep moving forward to see how far you have to go and even then, keep moving forward to maintain balance to the achieved goal.

The first thing you should do when diagnosed with this disease is to look within yourself and find your healing place. You will see this as a blow, you’ll cry and hurt, scream and yell but whatever you do, don’t blame God. He didn’t do this to you; you did this to you. Your doctor will seize this opportunity to instill fear in you and immediately lead you to oncologists where they will color your world in a darkened veil.

Job 19:8 “He hath fenced up my way that I cannot pass, and he hath set darkness in my paths.”

You have choices! Let me say that again, YOU HAVE CHOICES! The doctors will NOT give you those choices because they have one method of getting you to comply with them and that is fear. Please know, the MAJORITY of patients go the chemo route but for all the wrong reasons, in my eyes. You have time and choices! Remember, this didn't surface overnight, it isn't going to go away overnight. If you choose the chemo route, believe in it and work WITH it to HEAL your immune system. Don’t just accept drugs as the end all to healing, which is an extremely dim path.

If you opt for alternative treatments BELIEVE in the sunlit path to your healing taking place and work from within to heal you in your entirety. When I was first diagnosed, I personally did not accept the diagnosis or the treatment options. How can I be sick when I feel so well? If you’re in a good state or country, you might be able to find a doctor to work with you, but if not, you’re on what seems like a lonely path but you’re not alone! You’re never alone as long as you have God along with good friends and prayer by your side. 

The second thing you need to do is shift your mind from, ‘oh dear, I have the Big C’ (hear the negative overtone?) to, ‘I am healing my body and we are on a path to success.’ Believe those thoughts, inside and out!

No doctor is going to fill you with hope. He/she isn’t going to say you can do this, I see you as a productive member of society after all of this is over. No, he’ll tell you about the vomiting from the drugs, nausea, the hair loss, the weakness you’ll feel. This is all from drugs and chemo, not from the disease itself. They’ll also tell you that you need to be sliced open to remove cancer (which only opens you up to the silent spread) and you’ll need radiation to finish the job. Again, you HAVE CHOICES! There IS healing taking place outside of the oncologist/chemo route! Look for them, dig for them, find them.

Third, see yourself healthy and well! Look to the future. See yourself planting a garden, picking fruits and vegetables, jogging or walking. See yourself as HEALED, not as a person who is struggling and fighting off fear. Believe in yourself and ask your friends to support you. If you have no support the path is going to become a rocky road. You NEED support and positive energy to move you forward. 

Three tips to keep in mind as you HEAL:

(1) Your immune system must remain strong. So if you’re choosing chemo remember to do all you can to repair the damage done. If you choose an alternative method, you must BUILD your immune system up so it can fight for you, not against you. A drastic change in your diet and supplement intake is in order. You also need healthy organs in this fight, so build them up, one brick at a time.

(2) Nutrition is essential! Many people think you can’t eat your way back to health, they are wrong. Taking care of what you put into your body is the only path to healing. Your diet is a major reason you’re in this position in the first place. The people who are facing the disease appearing a second time after remission more than likely did nothing to change their eating habits and just assumed chemotherapy would cure what was burning up inside them. The cells are still there.
To the people using the alternative route, nutrition is the ONLY way to a healing path. It is so important not to feed the disease. Avoid sugars, dairy and meat products as well as processed foods, heavy carbs, oats, wheat, oils, and flours! 
Detoxify your body! Nurture your organs and they’ll heal you. The disease can’t live in a clean body.

(3) The most important thing I can add is no matter what you decide, get behind your decision all the way! Pray and meditate on releasing anything negative that you might be carrying around. Every day wake and find the positive reason why you woke up to face the day and challenges in front of you! Embrace the new you that is walking down this path. Get out and walk in the sun and worship the Son. It is pertinent that you have a Healer as a guide along the path. Keep in mind, a doctor is not a healer, they are a pacifier.

Most importantly of all is to believe in yourself. Trust what your body and instincts are telling you. If something feels wrong, ditch it, if it feels right, keep on going! The answer is inside you and it always has been, and always will be; you just need eyes to see and a soul to feel.

John 11:40 “Jesus saith unto her, Said I not unto thee, that, if thou wouldest believe, thou shouldest see the glory of God?”

I Do Have Bad Days

Prov.1:21-23 "She crieth in the chief place of concourse, in the openings of the gates: in the city she uttereth her words, saying,

How long, ye simple ones, will ye love simplicity? and the scorners delight in their scorning, and fools hate knowledge? Turn you at my reproof: behold, I will pour out my spirit unto you, I will make known my words unto you."

Few and far between, I do have bad days...

As much as I carry ninety-nine percent of my days in positivity, there is always the chance of that little tease of negativity to slither in even without me knowing it was headed my way. 

It’s as if I’ve placed power blockades [GOD] up to protect me but as thin as a sheet of paper, the negative aspect of something simple can slide right under my door without notice.

While I had a great birthday, friends from all over the world wished me a happy birthday and one friend even sent me much-needed supplements to my front door! My son bought me a beautiful ceramic cross with the words, 'Walk by faith, not by sight' on it, my sister called me, and my husband bought me an essential oil diffuser (with six essential oils)! What a blessed day all around and it ended with a house trembling lightning storm, my gift from God Himself!

I’m feeling great with my daily walks, whether cold or not, my two fifteen-minute walks, are now leading into two twenty-five-minute walks. I just feel THAT good. I always share the positive and the good but need to let you all be aware that I do have my bad days. I’m not out here blowing rainbow bubbles oblivious to the negative elements that want to attack me.

The negative knocked on my door on Friday when my phone rang. I didn’t get to it on time but no message was left so I had to resort to my friend, google. All I know is my gut churned, my heart palpitated and quickened and I had my suspicions who it was and a google search confirmed that it was onc.2’s office. Why does just a phone ringing illicit FEAR?

Coincidentally (I DO NOT believe in coincidences!) my son came up the stairs and told me he received a spam phone call from a job search site he’s been accessing. Instinctively, I asked for the number and my suspicion was yet again confirmed, my onc.#2’s office had called him, no message!

I’ve been watching The Truth About Cancer’s ten-module online series, and one of the things they said in module #5 was that oncologists are no different than terrorists. The definition of terrorism is: 1.the use of violence and threats to intimidate or coerce, especially for political purposes.
2. the state of fear and submission produced by terrorism or terrorization.
3. a terroristic method of governing or of resisting a government. 
Could they be right in their assumption? Are oncologist using FEAR tactics to get patients to submit? I BELIEVE SO! 

Why had my oncologist called my son? My HUSBAND didn’t receive a call, my twenty-one-year-old son did! How did they get his number? I stupidly signed a piece of paper allowing my son, via his phone number, access to MY hospital records in case he should need them because remember, the oncologists basically handed me a death sentence. 

They ABUSED my RIGHTS! And yes, I’m documenting this because my gut is now telling me that they are NOT just ‘doing their job’, they are HARASSING ME WITH FEAR TACTICS!!!! I have to turn to my friends because they are the ones empowering me, along with God to go full steam ahead in my holistic healing. I will NOT be swayed and suckered into the oncologists’ web of terror!

Saturday came and I woke empowered once again, feeling great, Sunday came and I was feeling great so much so I went food shopping with my husband. I truly think it will be my last visit. Tears welled in my eyes as I could find nothing edible that wasn’t laced with toxins. I was relinquished to the small corner of organic vegetables, which by the way, are right next to the bakery laden with toxic sugar poisoning.

Home, I just wanted to be home. I knew my mother-in-law would be out to see me to hand deliver my birthday present so I had to perk up (no, I didn’t make coffee). I got home from the food store, had a good cry, and sat down to write, my healing place. 

I wanted to show his mother how well I was walking after seeing me for years unable to walk, zero meds, and mostly in pain, the majority of my days. It always felt like she looked at me with pity. I was the strength in her son's time of blindness and now here I was limping and suffering in back pain. Pity, pity, pity, poor Joni. I thought I would be a living testimony to hers and many others answered prayers as I am now walking! Joni is walking. Joni is doing good! 

‘Mom’ brought me a carved angel, yes people still see an angel in me, and she brought a fruit tray. Laden with raspberries, strawberries, pineapple, kiwi, red/green grapes overflowing in goodness. I didn’t ask if it was organic and at that point, I didn’t care, it looked DELICIOUS! Actually, it was, after she left I ate the entire tray for dinner. Ha ha ha!!!

She watched me walk up and down the stairs and her jaw just hung wide open in amazement. Score one for Joni! The visit didn’t go all bad, I tried talking about my healing but she informed me of her friends who were CURED by chemotherapy. I explained that it only appeared that way and I felt the small fog of fear creeping in with this slender built woman whom I love. Chemo is NOT A CURE, I stated, it is toxic poison. The makers of the chemo juice wear hazmat suits for crying out loud. 

I explained that if I had gone the chemo route, that the picture of me that she is witnessing would’ve been totally different. I’d be in bed, curled in a fetal position and vomiting, more than likely bald by the in her eyes ‘nontoxic’ treatments. But still, she seemed adamant that people have been CURED by chemo and are now alive twenty years later BECAUSE of chemo. To me, it’s amazing the illusion we paint for ourselves.

I tried to let the entire conversation go, but it was haunting. Haunting in the fact that what she said inadvertently hurt, more than I even knew. She said something like, “Sometimes God doesn’t give the answers we want to hear.” So there it is, my faith, my hearing and listening to GOD is being compared to how EVERYONE else hears and listens to God. What I psychologically heard her say was, ‘you heard wrong and God really wants you to do chemo. You’re choosing not to listen.’ Doubt slithered in with the remnants of fear left over by the oncologist Friday, imagine that!

Hmm, the God that pulled me from so many trials and tribulations, he literally pulled me back from the brink of death and is now leading me down a misguided path and is filling me with doubts, fear, and lies? Friends, you know me better than that, right? Even if she is a Godly woman, they too can use satans tongue to spew the doubt that we fight against. 

I let it slide, I went on with my day, took a twenty-five-minute walk empowered by the LIFE in me, grateful to be ALIVE by God’s fruits and vegetables that ARE HEALING ME, not making me sick! Which just an FYI, she informed me fruits and veggies made her literally sick. Her stomach could not handle them.

I went to bed feeling good but at two thirty I awoke unable to shake the negative undertones leftover from the entire weekend starting with the mock terroristic betrayal of the medical profession on Friday. Like a ghost rising from the dead, the haunting detail lingered. Unable to go back to sleep at four a.m. I got out of bed and walked to the kitchen to make me some coffee! 

I’m writing (documenting) this on March 27th, 2017 I started at four thirty and am just finishing this post at eight a.m., readying myself for yet another post. I’ll use writing to heal the detrimental doubt that I was spoon-fed over the weekend. I will rise from this funk with the love and support of my friends and family that care about lifting me up, not tearing me down. 

I forgot to mention, my MIL left me two Guideposts magazines, (she always saves me her old ones) but these two were left in the trash this morning as one story was talking about feeding eighteen families with turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes etc. etc. for Thanksgiving, (I mentioned the image yesterday and she apologetically replied, “I should have looked at the two before giving them) and another front page story of a woman’s battle with cancer and her success with chemotherapy (only two years out, mind you) I suspect my MIL did KNOW what she was giving me! I laughed and I cried as I skimmed only a few words and tossed the magazines along with doubts and fear in the garbage, where IT BELONGS!

And I’m rising above the doubt and fear with the wings of an eagle and I am getting back to soaring to my healing place that I know God wants me to be!

Isa. 41:10 “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”

Hope and Faith

The Secret Garden

 

“If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden.” 

~ The Secret Garden

The Secret Garden

Last night I chose to watch The Secret Garden. I knew why because it would hit close to home and I needed to see the story again. I’m sure you all know the story of an orphaned girl who was sent to live with her uncle who was never at the one-hundred room mansion that his staff took care of including his hidden son and now his ever present young niece.

There are many renditions of the tale over the years but this one was the now classic 1993 version. Little Colin Craven, Mary’s ten-year-old cousin was sheltered in a room where he was told that he was very ill. Never having been outside he believed he was ill and couldn’t walk.

Mary feeling so alone after her parents’ death, went exploring the manor and discovered a secret garden. With the help of the housemaids’ brother, together they brought the garden back to life.

The story unfolded in an elegant manner as Mary saw through Colin and aided him to see that he was not ill, he could more than likely walk and she’d eventually bring him to his deceased mother's resuscitated garden.

You might be able to see and understand why this hit close to home for me. I was raised to believe that this illness I’ve been diagnosed with is a death sentence. I feel sometimes as if I've been placed in the chambers of this vast mansion, told to stay in my room and believe that I am sentenced to death. 

Usually and ironically it is the older generation, like Mrs. Madlock, who gives off the most negative vibes. I need to do this their way because they KNOW this is what worked for them (and others). Or I need to listen to them because they are my elders. Or, this one tops the cake, you need to let God guide you in the RIGHT direction. Do what??? 

I seriously think that people, unknowingly self-righteous, want to point me in one direction when all along I’ve been going in the direction that MY GOD IS LEADING ME! Yesterday marked seven weeks with the knowledgeable diagnosis of this journey and I have ALWAYS sought God’s guidance through prayer and meditation. I need to ask, in all honesty, is your prayer better than mine? Does God only guide YOU in the right direction and not me because ‘I’m younger’? 

As I see people dissecting the numerous versions of the Holy Bible, I myself have only dissected the King James Version and hold that one close to my heart throughout my life. I don’t go for the ‘easier read’, I go for the complicated read that makes me REALLY intently meditate on every word and its meaning. 

You see, what I’m saying is, what works for you doesn’t work for EVERYONE and you need to be open to the individual path of the youth, the elders, and the in-betweens. We’re all on a different journey and what has worked for you can only be relayed as your experience in the matter, not what will work for an individual in their path. Be open to seeing their version of THEIR journey. 

Yesterday was a somewhat good day. I went shopping with hubby and yet again I amazed myself. I didn’t get dropped off at the front door, I walked in the store and through the store and then back out to the truck. I felt great, I FEEL great! Is someone who has been dealt a devastating blow supposed to feel great? Am I supposed to feel empowered, energized, cheerful, happy, and radiant?

I wonder sometimes if as you read this you think this is some form of denial. Let me assure you, God does not master in trickery and fooling a being into believing one thing while He’s at work crafting a big punch in the face so reality sets in. If that is what your God does to you, it certainly is not what my God does to me.

If God had led me to the chemo route, these blog posts would have gone in a much different direction. With seven weeks of research, numerous doctor visits, two of which were oncologists, and a years worth of prayer on the matter, God is leading me in my HEALING! I am not going this alone and I’m not listening to those around me who try to sway me with their ‘sage advice’. 

Last night was the first time in a long time that I had a bad nights sleep. I find that when you sleepwalk to the bathroom in the middle of the night, it’s hard to shut off the negative voices all clamoring for a place in your head. So, much of the night I was wrestling demons. I guess I’m allowed my bad nights. 

Today I awoke and saw the world as a garden, ripe and ready to be groomed. The warmer weather is smacking us in the face this week, the fields are bursting with activity as farmers get a head start on preparing their fields for crops, and the Crane are awake and singing their tune.

I’m fighting a winning battle and your support, prayer and positive affirmations are welcome in my world. If you, a believer or not, have a negative insight as to what God is doing in my life, please, keep it to yourself as I have MANY surrounding me in belief and support in the way I should go.

As Lord Archibald Craven was summoned prayerfully, in the only way some children know how to pray, back to the mansion he was shocked to see his son walking outside in the Secret Garden, healthy and ALIVE with Mary and her friend. All embraced the BEAUTY of LIFE! Even if the Secret Garden is only in my mind, it is a beauty in the world that I embrace! Live, love, see and be awakened now. May God bless each and every one of you. 

Pss. 96:6 KJV “Honour and majesty are before him: strength and beauty are in his sanctuary.”