A Dove Tale

In Texas, my dove visits

Josh. 1:9 "Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."

A Dove Tale

I know my friends think I’m crazy, that’s a given. I’m always ranting and babbling about holistic and alternative treatment as if it is the Holy Bible of the medical world. I sure hope I never gave that impression. The first impression I like to leave you with is for you to go to God in prayer and see what He has to say about your situation. He DOES listen! He WILL answer!

Now the second thing I’d like to leave you with is timing and patience. We all go to prayer with wants and needs, OUR wants and needs. While God is all about our wants and needs too, with Him, it is all about in HIS time and not ours. Meaning sometimes we’re not going to like the answer we receive, or when we receive the answer.

When I was first diagnosed I went to Him first and listened to Him. Now you’re probably saying, “And He told you what you wanted to hear, right?” Well shockingly enough, yes and no. I had no intention of doing port chemo and when God gave me an option, alternative treatment, I listened but went for a second opinion from a doctor. It was obvious no doctor was going to hear me like God, or pay my thoughts and opinion one piece of mind. Nope, they were all about drugs and money, point blank! 

So, on I went for a year and a half listening, praying, loving, learning and healing. During this time I really tuned to the animal and plant kingdom. Whether it was my dog (who was still alive at the time), the stray dog who is still here four years after wandering onto my property, or the birds and squirrels. They are all a part of God’s kingdom and the kingdom I live in most of the time. Man has let me down on major levels throughout my life, so I have to have someone, some THING to turn to, I trust the animals. The squirrels, the Cardinals, the Doves, the Owls, the deer, the wandering wild turkey, and the Falcons; the signs, the wonders. There are more things I look for, if you can imagine, from God himself. I listen, good or bad, I have to listen, this is who I am, this is who God shaped me to be. He didn’t fashion me out of false clothing that I put on every day to prance around and show you, no I received the straight up Value Village clothing to walk around in and proudly display because this is who God created in ME!

I was recently hit with oncologist lies. I don’t know what to do with that. This is my third oncologist (I don’t have a variety out here in the middle of nowhere) so I go where God leads me. This doctor is doing an okay job, but he likes the fear tactics and scaring me and in my weakened state, I fall prey to what he offers. I’m alone and abandoned out here, I only have my husband, son, and my God. Yeah, that’s a lot to me! Besides my Spiritual Family, everyone else is just voyeurs along for the ride. 

1 Peter 5:8 “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

The Big C is nothing to mess with. I know in the deepest depths of my soul that this can be beaten on an alternative level but funds are needed for that route, funds I will never hold in my hand for say Vit. C therapy, Cannabis, UV therapy, a chiropractor even and so many more treatments but out of my reach. So I have to go with what I’m offered, cannot afford, but is covered.

The doctor wrongly assumed that by scaring me back into his office a week after my visit that he’d devour me with fear and I’d jump into Chemotherapy, the port chemo that he’s been pushing all along.  He hurried me in to tell me my markers had gone up, and unknown to me, had been going up all along, he LIED! He lied when he told me they were going down, they went down once, in Oct., then went up in Dec. Jan. Feb.! And here I was two visits in February. Of course I’m going to be scared. I trusted him! 

He didn’t know that his Navigator nurse had already canceled my oral chemo from being delivered. She had called the day of my blood test and told me to stop taking the toxic drugs and that is what I did, the doc was not prepared for me to say NO to port chemo. He wasn’t prepared for me to ask what the rush was and why couldn’t it have waited until my next scheduled visit. He mumbled and babbled but I was not ready to completely give up, just meet him on MY terms, not his. I agreed to the intravenous chemo drug Herceptin. Toxic and debilitating and I knew I’d need prayer and guidance on this one. Lord, don’t fail me now. This to me is not a courageous route. They won.

I agreed only if, by my next scheduled visit, my markers were still rising. I told him I’d wait around for the results and not wait to get home to be scared. I’m also going to ask for a printout of the graph that visually shows me my red, white and C cell counts. He didn’t know the nurse had one printed for me obviously because again he lied and said my red and white cell counts were rising also. I hold the graph in my hand and it shows no such thing. My red and white cells were still dropping. So we’ll wait and see. Do I go on or do I TRY and find another doctor. I can’t keep toying with my health! I run out of choices.

Prayer upon prayer, tear upon endless tear, decisions to be made, give up, give in or trudge on. My doctor also assumed I meant that I’d sign on for this drug and it would be in my arm like the next day. I said, no, I want another blood test before my hookup and he said he needed to schedule a test to check and see if my heart can handle this toxic drug they’re going to pump into my veins. I told him I work on my husbands' work schedule, not anyone else’s. We NEED food to eat and he NEEDS to work, I have to finish up my Physical Therapy and I’d see the good old liar in three weeks.

In these weeks I’ve prayed. I had to weigh the pros and cons. I shared with my husband and son and listened to their opinion, I prayed, because I already knew what ‘I’ wanted but I’d listen for God…..

I woke on a cold brisk morning, my feeder aflutter with my usual winter birds. For a week or two, a female cardinal had been hanging out with the sparrows and I asked her, “Where is Red? You get him back here!” Red is the male cardinal who only makes special appearances since he was chased away by the Blue Jay family. I needed to see him, I needed my ‘other’ family and that is the ones of the animal kingdom. 

On this morning he was hard to miss, his rich red color against the white snow as he scurried around for some stray seed. It’s funny when they seem to stop and look right at you, and slant their little heads, then go on about their business, but sure enough, Red made his appearance this day, no sign of Bell his lady friend.

In the following days as I waited to discern answers to my prayers, I enjoyed the bunnies at the feeder in the morning before the sunrise. Four bunnies, all of which I thought had moved on because I hadn’t seen them all winter. Tracks in the snow told me they were around but I never saw them until this morning when I turned on the outside light to see if it had snowed. To my surprise, there was snow AND bunnies! As the sun came slowly cresting over the horizon on this rare event of a day, (we never see the sun these frigid, gloomy days of winter) my birds along with the squirrels all started making their appearance.

This day was different, I could feel it but couldn’t put my finger on it. Then it happened, a dove came fluttering down with his mate, then another and another. They always come in pairs but recently the six-pack was only five. I don’t know what happened to the sixth dove. These were just your every day Morning Doves. Then the fifth dove appeared and I said good morning to them all. I know my husband thinks I’m crazy but hey, it’s all I have these days! Wait, what is that, a sixth dove, a WHITE dove! WHITE! Tears were brimming my eyes and I couldn’t say nothing for fear of scaring him away but I whispered, “A white dove! Honey, a white dove!” I was full fledge crying now, in all my years here I’ve NEVER seen a white dove! 

My husband jumped out of his chair and slowly went to the kitchen window after peeking out my window and seeing what I saw, a white dove! Through tears I asked him, “Please tell me you see him. Please tell me I’m not crazy.” 

“He’s there! I see him too!” 

A sigh of relief. I’m not letting God or my family down if I go this toxic route. Let me tell you in all honesty, I wanted God to tell me no, don’t do it! That would’ve been MY answer, but I have to listen. I could spin it and say God doesn’t want me to go this chemo route and twist His answer to meet my needs but that would be dishonest, that would make me as small and little as my doctor.

I was told to give it a try, if it has bad side effects that my body can’t handle, then stop, no matter what doctor liar says. This is my body, my temple for the Lord and I will only do what He leads me to do. If at the last minute my markers miraculously go down instead of up, I pull out of this chemo crud. I just feel there are too many obstacles that can’t be beaten with diet and supplementation alone.

Back to Square One… the will to survive.

P.S. In the following days, no Red,

only one dove, and the normal

sparrows and squirrels attend

the feeder. Just so you know.

This little fella visited me last year

Justified

Isa. 28:12 “To whom he said, This is the rest wherewith ye may cause the weary to rest; and this is the refreshing: yet they would not hear.”

Justified

Do you want to know how I come up with my blog topics? Believe it or not, I pray. I wake in the morning and pray for all the sick on my prayer list, then I ask God’s guidance on what to write for the day. I don’t always get a reply on what I’m to write about so I might skip that day as I wait, patiently!

After prayer, I open the news of the day, open facebook also, to find a plethora of topics but usually one topic will stand out a few times and God lets me know, write about THIS!

I so wanted to write about my niece getting her purse returned, after losing it somewhere sometime during her day, by a young black gentleman after he had found the purse on his way work, and returned it to my niece at ten thirty in the evening when he returned home.

My niece cried because she was so happy to not have to renew her license and cancel all her credit cards and she thanked the young man profusely! She even gave him twenty dollars of the fifty that had been inside. I’d also like to add that this was in Baltimore, Maryland. The place you only hear bad stuff about and never the good stuff. 

As I continued searching for a blog  post, a few things stuck out and THAT is what God wanted me to write about, while my nieces story is a beautiful one God wanted me to know that there is something more important to write about at this time and maybe, all of the stories will mesh together? I’ll have to finish this before I know. 

Getting it right with God is a struggle all Christians go through and at times I never feel worthy enough of His love. I’ve already blogged about that one in a feeling unworthy post. But let me say this first and foremost, I AM WORTHY of God and that is all that matters to me. 

I loosely call myself Christian because all Christians are not the same. These days they are drinkers, self-righteous, judges of all. I do understand that we are ALL different and on different paths. Jesus (NT) himself didn’t choose perfect people to carry his ministry, and God (OT) certainly didn’t pick perfect people that He created to do His work. Nope, He picked the most imperfect people He could find; maybe that is why He chose ME to be a writer. For some reason He had faith in me and that I’d carry my testimony/His ministry to His people. 

Ecc. 9:7 “Go thy way, eat thy bread with joy, and drink thy wine with a merry heart; for God now accepteth thy works.” 

Ephesians 5:18 ESV “And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit,”

Proverbs 20:1 ESV “Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise.”

You see, God has called us ALL to carry His ministry. Not to drink, get drunk, whoop it up and praise God or claim to be His all in the same stinking drunken breath. 

We justify what we do so we don’t feel so bad but the only one who is going to judge us for allowing ourselves to be led astray is our One and Only Savior. We ALL walk a dimly lit path, we find the Light but then get led astray by all the inhumanity in the world that gets us unsettled so we turn to drink to justify the reason we’re sitting alone in the dark with a bottle in our hand. Some find the Lighted path only to continue on struggling to stay on the very straight and extremely narrow path.

As I walk the path, for ME, I do not believe in the drink and be merry babble. For one, you’re not drinking to be merry, you’re drinking to get drunk, bottom line. It makes you feel good, it unfurls your twisted tongue, it has you allowing your loose lips to sink ships. Thoughts are free to roam the wilderness and usually, the wild is not a place to be alone because you’re bound to get bit.

When a person comes to Christ, he (or she) is new to Christ and struggles daily to get it right with God. I understand that they’ll still drink it up, curse like a sailor, call themselves Christian just so they fit into a society over running with Christians but they have yet to learn the true meaning of the word, Christ-like. Christ was not a drunk, and I think He knew the right words to use so as not to come across as a liar and hypocrite. 

I often think about what it must have been like back in Jesus’ day. Here He was gathered around a table with His twelve chosen, knowing He was going to His death. When they took a drink of wine, did they all yell out, “Let’s finish off the bottle.”??? I seriously don’t think so; it was not a merry event to celebrate.

In the course of the Last Supper, Jesus divides up some bread, says a prayer, and hands the pieces of bread to his disciples, saying "this is my body."[metaphor] He then takes a cup of wine, offers another prayer, and hands it around, saying "this is my blood [metaphor] of the everlasting covenant, which is poured for many." ~ source Wikipedia

The church is the way it is today because people divided up what was right and what was wrong; what was/is acceptable and what is not acceptable. Some churches look down on the homeless and only reach out to the parishioners in need, not everyone in need. Some churches look down on homosexuals by judging them and letting them know they are not right with God because you know, God made them judge and jury of the people. Divided the churches are.

Eph. 2:10 “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.”

I myself CHOSE to get my life right with God and follow His Son to the cross and weep prayerfully at His feet. We are not called to judge others because we feel they are beneath us, we should judge ourselves, our actions, our ways, our character, and virtues, only then should we call ourselves Christ-like. 

This post didn’t end the way I intended but it did help me see that there are good people out in the world trying to do what is right, whether FOR God or because of God. Goodness is all around and as soon as we stop justifying our negative actions and living the way WE want, we’ll see the good in the world or the world will never change.

God bless you all!

Truth

Pss. 25:5 Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day.

Truth

The truth shall set you free. Ever heard that one before? A lot of people think they are speaking the truth when in essence they are spreading gossip and enjoying the falseness of a twisted truth.

The definition of truth is this:

the true or actual state of a matter:

a verified or indisputable fact, proposition, principle, or the like:

an obvious or accepted fact; truism; platitude.

honesty; integrity; truthfulness

I watch helplessly as people proclaim knowing the truth, spread it around like salt on ice, preach it as if they themselves were the Lord of all knowing. This is sad. I watch as people lie for a laugh, make fun of people to get a rise out of the sinful because there is no way the Christian will sit and make fun of people and enjoy the laughter. Or would they?

These so-called Christians give real Christianity and all the positive aspects of being a true Christian a bad name. God does not lie, Jesus does not lie, so when I say a so-called Christian I say so because these people think that lying is part of their Christian belief system thus mocking Christianity and all of the goodness it serves in society.

I am a sinner. Have I ever lied? Yes I have. But do I spew lies to get people talking just so they like me and I’ll seem popular? NEVER! My soul is worth much more than freely giving in to the vermin of society who need lies to form the person they are. I am a changed woman because of my Christianity. I’m not the same person I was and to me, these so-called Christians are the same people they always were just with a title attached to themselves to be more likeable.

They come in sheep clothing; appearing to be all good and gooey inside like the chocolate covered cherries?  But in the end, those chocolate covered cherries are bad for you no matter how good and tasty they appear. People have allowed themselves to be the worm on the hook. They’re bait and the innocent fish devours the bait. The man holding the rod? Well he’s just an innocent man wanting to eat you is all. Sounds good doesn’t it?

John 14: 6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

The Way -- meaning by LIVING and believing

The Truth -- meaning not through lies or deceit

The Life -- meaning eternal life

I do love the way that people twist the truth to fit their agenda. An example, the media starts to breed the hate, the suckers eat it up and spew it out for those who do not care for hidden agendas, but by dangnammit, they’ll make you care because after all, they read it, it must be true so spew away, getting others to feed with you. Little lost sheep is what I think they are. I lose all respect for the lost ones. I’ll still care to see them do right but I am not the one who can change a person.

I think it’s a sad day when a man must use manipulation to get HIS truth out there. We as a nation are in a battle with the evil one and it is our duty to fight the dark that wants to swallow us whole.

Do you not see that by spreading propaganda, you are doing the dark ones work? You’ll even have yourself believing it is for the greater good but satan knows otherwise and so does God. He’s shaking his head thinking after all He has done for this world, we can still be manipulated and led by the force that causes you to gossip and twist the truth to your needs.

That’s it isn’t it? They are YOUR needs and YOUR wants, you could care less what God wants.

2 Thess. 2:7 For the mystery of iniquity doth already work: only he who now letteth will let, until he be taken out of the way.

Eph. 2:2-3 Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience:
Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others.

I have to take myself away from the places that try to lure me into their false beliefs. I find myself getting angry and turmoil boils inside my veins but also because I watch as my friends succumb and there is nothing I can do. They want me to partake of the anger and hatred they spew and I’ll be no part of it. I will not accept some of the liars spew because by accepting some I am accepting all.

I will bow out quietly and resurface when God calls on me. Maybe there are stronger folks who can let it roll off their shoulders but I am not that strong at this time. I’m ripe for the venom to snap at me and try to bait me. This is me being strong.

May the Lord God Almighty be with you all, even the little lost sheep.