The Story Continued ~ ER 3

Job 27:3 “All the while my breath is in me, and the spirit of God is in my nostrils;”

You might not see ER visits as answered prayer but this second ER visit is where I got a referral to an Oncologist after this sympathetic ER doctor heard my story of being turned away from my first two oncologists.

I had told my husband and son of MY wishes and I wanted their blunt honesty in THEIR wishes. Both wanted me to live and try the chemo route, maybe my way wasn't working anymore. No, this was not my wish, but I gave into half their wish, I made an appointment to go see the oncologist doctor. I respect their wishes because I too, don’t want to die. My alternative protocol had been working all along but the stress of a dying dog was too overwhelming and my body reacted; mind, body, and soul, internally and externally.

For eight months I watched as my 14-year-old dog slowly dwindled. Right around Christmas of 2017, she showed signs of her arthritis winning the battle of her bones. She was not making it up the steps too well and a month or two passed as we carried her up the stairs on a daily basis. We knew what was inevitable but no one wanted to face or admit what was happening. Everything I had tried was simply a pacifier and got her to August where the heartbreak became an inevitable reality. We had to let her go to release her from the constant pain we knew she was enduring. 

Eight months of stress. I had done the research and knew wholeheartedly that stress was an enormous factor in the onset and the spreading of this dreaded disease but I was so hellbent on my protocol, I didn’t see the failure for what it was. I was still feeling great, walking, riding my bike, eating right and taking my vitamins but slowly the walking became strenuous. Month after month walking worsened and I blamed everything except what the culprit was, STRESS was beating me over the head with a lead pipe, stress was winning the battle.

How do I know that stress was the culprit? As soon as we put our beloved Sassy to sleep, strangely things started to happen to me in great succession. I told you I’d straighten out the timeline in the editing phase of this story, but yeah, the ball started rolling and still to this day has not stopped. It has lost momentum but that’s a good thing, it means I’m gaining balance over the situation again.

Rolling along, I called the oncologists number and the secretary told me that the (prescribed) doctor was only available at the hospital, she could hook me up with (no name) the first oncologist that dumped me, I told her no way and she offered yet another colleague of the first oncologist. The appointment was made and now everything snowballed. 

The first appointment went as expected. My husband and I sat listening as we were told that chemo was the only way to go if I wanted any quality of life. I stood firm in my stance with my protocol but admitted stress had won out and I needed help. He almost laughed at my protocol and what I’d been doing for a year and a half, but the first blood test showed, I had done something right. He admitted that I had done a good job in taking care of myself. But now it was his turn if I’d allow.

I asked him about the Oral Chemo I had seen and read about, he said the product was still in trial phases and I asked why I was seeing commercials on TV for stage 4 ER+ PR+? Hmm...he left the room and came back and offered an Oral Chemo real quick as well as monitoring blood tests and a listening ear. He was hearing me for the first time, someone in the medical field was listening and hearing me. He also wanted me to see an orthopedic surgeon to see about the pain in my hip. But first he put me right in touch with Physical Therapy for my lymphedema in my arm and that also led to a Home Health nurse coming to check up on me.

I didn’t get to see the Orthopod (as nurses called them) before my third visit to the ER via ambulance. Once again, I was in pain, called 911, the ambulance came and I was scooted onto the gurney and taken to the hospital. As I was leaving, the Home Health nurse was coming to my door wondering what was going on. I let my husband and son handle her as for the third time, I was being escorted to the emergency room. The Volunteer Emergency Unit now called me by name. I joked on the ride so as not to let worry consume me. They always agreed that laughter was the best medicine.

X-rays once again, this one of my hip. This is the one that told the story of my disease basically eating away at my hip bone and causing them to be brittle. I was told my right leg was the one in most severe trouble and to guard it. I was put on morphine and sent home. My Oncologist and Orthopod both knew of the visit to the ER and reached out to me for a visit with each of them respectively. Both had dire prognosis’, use a walker at all times and look into buying a wheelchair. 

I let my left leg do all the work for my right leg. I was in a lot of pain when I walked so we ordered a wheelchair and it was on its way. Fear had now slithered into the place where stress has dwelled. My life was failing and I needed help that only my great God could give! I think prayer is the only thing to save me now. 

Jonah 2:7 "When my soul fainted within me I remembered the LORD: and my prayer came in unto thee, into thine holy temple."

BEAUTY! 11-11

1 Chron.16:29 “Give unto the LORD the glory due unto his name: bring an offering, and come before him: worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness.”

BEAUTY

Keeping to my word, I am writing about the BEAUTY I see in the world. I have to admit while everyone is happy stroking their ego’s I am content seeking beauty where there is none. 

I open my eyes in the morning and am grateful to be alive another day. I thank the Lord as I shuffle to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. It is usually after a good eight hours of sleep. Yes, I’m still young enough not to have inhibited sleeping patterns and I chalk that up to my daily prayerful meditations and the content feeling I have with MY life.

I hear people say that they’ve suffered from insomnia all of their life, or because of medications it stops them from sleeping all night, or that they take a supplement to help them sleep, or that I better enjoy sleeping all night while I’m young because the older I get the less I’ll sleep. 

I guess I see why they call it beauty sleep because of the rarity of a restful, content, full night of sleep is absolutely beautiful. Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to see the BEAUTY in a good nights rest.

After the coffee begins perking I take my dog outside for her morning business. It is usually dark and before turning the outside light on, I stare at the illuminated starlit sky and say good morning to God. I usually get a wink but it just might be my eyes adjusting to the dark after coming from the lit house. Thank you, God, for allowing me to see the BEAUTY in the early morning sky!

I gather my dog by giving a whistle and she either slowly (she’s getting old) crosses the leaf filled yard in noisy steps or makes her way around the front of the house and begins barking for entry. I let her in the house and we both meet at the pantry where her treats are stored and she stares, gratefully and eagerly; even if she’s done nothing, she knows a treat is coming! Thank you, God, for allowing me to see the BEAUTY in my dog’s smile.

I turn and go to my finely brewed coffee after listening to the final groan of percolating, I stand there, inhale the scrumptious aroma and thank God once again for technical gadgets that bring the house alive visually and aromatically. Thank you, God, for allowing me to see the BEAUTY in a well-brewed cup of coffee.

I begin shuffling across the floor with hot coffee in my hand, pause as I inhale the steam, and continue walking to my lit computer screen. “What will I write about today, God?” then I click the weather that screams in the darkness, warmth and sunshine this fine November week and again I say, thank you, God, for allowing me to see the BEAUTY in an unseasonably warm day!

To my left, the sun begins to rise in a splendid show of color, I open the bible and read, pray and meditate on the Word He has so richly filled me with since my youth. Good morning my dear friend, thank you for allowing me to see the BEAUTY in prayer and the brilliance in the sunrise. Even when it is hiding behind clouds I sense the BEAUTY and warmth that the sun lends me to start my day.

I click ‘log in’ and the beauty melts away like a wax candle placed in the center of a roaring bonfire. I pray… “Lord, help me see the beauty in the world through your eyes.” My computer crashes… I shuffle myself to the kitchen for a second cup of BEAUTY!

“Sometimes people are beautiful.

Not in looks.

Not in what they say.

Just in what they are.” 

― Markus Zusak

Angel Always... Godspeed

Pss. 104:4 “Who maketh his angels spirits; his ministers a flaming fire:”

Have you ever had one of those really good weeks where you wonder when the bottom is going to drop right out? It’s been that kind of week. 

Let me take you back two weeks when a dog, a yellow lab rounded the corner of the big blue barn-shed beside my house. Timid and scared, she made her way through my garden, around to the front of the house only to come back and sniff me out to see if I was an evil master or a good angel that she could trust. Anyone who knows me, knows she found a good person to trust in, right? 

I put up signs the next day looking for the owner, I searched lost dog sites and Facebook Lost Pet society to see if ANYONE owned this beautiful but scared dog. The one dog I saw on FB was named Reilly and this dog, for some reason, was responding to that name, but after posting a pic, the lady said it was not her dog. 

I own a dog, a pretty sizable female dog, so keeping Reilly is not an option but every day I’d wake and find her on my front steps or curled up in my garden. The days pass by and she’s still here letting us know she isn’t going anywhere. 

She has one of the deepest barks I’ve ever heard and keeping my neighbors and myself awake at night was going to be a serious problem! I bought a leash to hook her up to in the evening for when she goes on her midnight romps of chasing deer, skunk, raccoon or whatever she can bark at and it is working. She fell silent the nights hinged (a long chain with a collar) to a tree so I’ve since let her off to allow her the freedom, she barks it’s back on but this intelligent dog knows, just knows what I’m doing or trying to teach her. 

I posted a pic and my niece, Sara, right away said she looked like a dog I used to own named Shannon and that I just HAD to keep this dog. Another friend said that I HAD to take care of her because, Angel always? (my signature from way back) And that God would never turn ME away (yeah, the guilt card) and I’m kind of buying it but my husband has not softened up to her, yet. My sister said the dog was an angel sent for me. Oh my…

This was right around the time my husband lost his job but also right around the time he applied for a new job and got a call right away. Now, we can’t feed this oversized dog AND our oversized dog AND feed the family since well, no job and the time it will take to get money from the new job. Everything is stacked against me, or so it seems, from keeping this dog.

My neighbor has two small terrier dogs, a miniature Chihuahua and Reilly seems to think they’re her play toys. One day she played with them all day acting like the puppy that she is, not hurting them mind you, just jumping all around them telling them to play. Being older dogs they wanted nothing to do with Reilly. It brought back some unsettling memories of me as a child wanting to play and no one wanting to play with me because I was annoying or just the riff-raff type that their mothers wouldn’t allow their kids to play with. (Thanks Reilly)

Just so you know, I HAVE been feeding Reilly and giving her food and maybe THAT is why she won’t leave. When a thunderstorm hit the other night I was totally nervous for this dog being outside and I tried so hard to get her into my shed but she just shied away from me. Yesterday’s rain had me calling her again but she sauntered off and went under my neighbor Lisa’s trailer that she keeps as a doghouse for her dogs. It is just a trailer full of junk like old books and papers, magazines, old rugs and stuff. Reilly is one smart dog!

That brings me to today. Yes Reilly is still here wandering around this big old run down Turkey Ranch and greeting us when we walked out the door this morning to take my son to get his driver’s license. He had to take the same test that he failed three times before. But today would be different yes? YES!

Different from the other times was Adam’s optimism and confidence. I allowed him to wear my thumbprint necklace, which is a thumbprint of my deceased father. I wanted a part of my dad to be a part of this day. When Adam walked out the door of the DMV with a MALE who was going to test him, I knew, I just knew that this would be the day he passed! I even said, “He’s going to pass.” Just by seeing whom the tester was.

The other times he had a female to test him and Adam was not confident with them. This time was different Adam left with a smile and returned with A SMILE! A smile that signaled to me, he passed! I cried! I didn’t bawl my eyes out but tears began trickling out of my eyes. He came out the door with his temporary license in his hand, a smile on his face and I gave him the biggest hug ever! 

The week has been richly full of blessings. My mother has seen to it that we can make it until we get a real paycheck again by sending me ‘a treat’ which will buy me food and me taking care of Reilly is essentially ‘paying it forward’.

May the week continue to be joyful and prosperous as I head into my birthday week!

Angel Always, Godspeed.

Ezra 5:31 “Now when I had spoken these words, the angel that came to me the night afore was sent unto me,”

Reilly

The Miracle Dog

John 6: 2 And a great multitude followed him, because they saw his miracles which he did on them that were diseased.
***

Do you believe in miracles? You’ll probably say, “Yeah sure.” But maybe with some apprehension you’ll try hard to remember seeing the last one or you might wonder what really was a miracle or just pure luck.

Let me tell you, there is no such thing as luck, they are all miracles and blessings, whether you like to believe it or not, the Holiest of Holies, rains a blessing on you, he doesn’t shower you with luck and money; blessings and miracles are so much more explosive than sheer luck.

Remember I told you my dog Sassy was hit by a truck last Tuesday? She walked around pacing and yelping in pain. Not a constant yelp, it was only when she went to open her mouth. Money hindered all possibilities of getting her to a vet, so prayer was our only source. A lot of you might say, “That’s foolish.” Well, not in my shoes. When you’ve been in my shoes, then you can judge for yourself.

For now all I live on is prayer. Seems to be working. Saturday evening the snow started to fall. Not just an inch or two, by Sunday morning there was easily six inches of the white stuff, enough to hinder us from going to church. Then throughout the day, six or seven more fell stopping all activity on the roads, causing hazardous conditions throughout the state, school closings and the like. Cancellations of all kinds were being posted on TV.

Early Monday I HAD to get out and shovel some kind of path for Sassy, so she could get out there and do her business. She was yelping minimally but she also had confined herself into the back room of the house where it is very cold. I read somewhere that the cold eased pain for dogs, and she instinctively knew this because this is where she lay, curled in a ball for days on end, never coming into the warmer portions of the house.

We all kicked into mothering Sassy. Beau, Adam and I all took to hand feeding her, making soft foods that we knew she liked and took with apprehension but still she ate and drank water on occasion. A tough week to say the least, then the snow to top it all off, what an amazing fete that lay before us.

On Tuesday, yesterday, something strange took place. As I sit here tapping on the keys, movement out of the corner of my eye. Sassy peeking around the corner at me. She was looking for food. I rose to make her two hot dogs which she devoured. Then I found her laying in the bathroom all snug as a bug on a rug. I moved her to the hallway on a towel, and later she came into the living room, with coaxing and hasn’t returned to the cold cave since.

She’s feeling better! A  living miracle! Still healing but definitely on the road to recovery. A neighbor came with a plow truck last night, unburied our truck and made a path for us and our neighbors behind us. Sassy almost barked full throttle, but a little *woof* was let out and I sighed in relief. My dog was now in the throes of a miracle. Something money can never buy. A miracle is prayers answered!

Praise be to God, and no other!

The Walking Mad

Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.
Henry David Thoreau
***

Today, six days into the new year and already I’m fighting mad with myself. I thought this was going to be a good year and the start of something good. But the other day, my dog was hit by a car.

I heard the truck, I saw how shaken Sassie was with blood on her face, her body trembling, and panting like a mad dog when coming back into the house. Instincts said, ‘the truck hit her’ but it looked like a bite of some wild animal, I just wasn’t sure.

She yelped as if something hurt, I just didn’t know. She paced around the rooms, tried hiding in spots, frantically searched for something that was nowhere to be found. I put her on the leash and took her outside, maybe she could give me a clue as to what happened, and I saw the red truck still parked over at the empty neighbors house.

He got in his truck, trailer following, bouncing with a rumble and he pulled up to where Sassie and I were standing. He got out, “Is she okay?” My response, oddly enough was, "Did you hit her?"

He went on to say how she came out of nowhere, he didn’t see her but he heard her yelp, a little too late. He stopped to see if we ‘Needed to put her down.’

“No way!” I said adamantly, “she ain’t going nowhere.” He reached to pet her and in Sassie fashion, she licked his hand. (Never bite the hand that hit you?) A little yelp left her mouth and he got back in his truck saying how sorry he was. Also that we should get her to the vet.

The vet ~ just to walk in the office can run hundreds of dollars, money we only dream of having. I took Sassie back in the house, where she paced, let out a few more yelps, then finally settled down. I put ice on her face for the entire day, she slept in my room (a rarity) and the night broke into morn where we all scurried to take care of the wounded dog.

Instincts are vital instruments in our psyche’s. Sometimes I listen to mine, other times, the voice of reason gets in there and smacks me around a bit, leaving me confused and thinking my instincts were all wrong, but in the end, my instincts have a pretty good percentage rate of being right.

This week has been a mad week of newcomers into f2k, the free writing course. As I mentioned earlier, this is a new site, but a course that is twelve years old and still going strong with hundreds of wannabe writers scrambling to get in and get writing. They don’t read the tips from the mentors, they don’t read the rules and regulations, they just want to write. “Where’s the lessons?” one says, another shouts, “I can’t find the classrooms!”

Over and over again throughout the week, I’m telling them READ THE TIPS! LEARN to maneuver the site!  But again and again they scream, “Where’s the lessons? Where do I post?” I understand that a new site, a new forum can be intimidating to a lot of people, but if only they’d take the time to read the tips, they would not be lost.

The point of this whole post is this: Sometimes we need to listen, either to what others are trying to help us with, or what our instincts are trying to burn into our brains. We can’t be neglectful of the help that is given us and think that in some way, that WE are in control of everything. Step off your high-horse! You don’t have all of the answers to everything. Sometimes you just need to trust and obey!