Paranoia Won't Win

Pss. 3:8 “Salvation belongeth unto the LORD: thy blessing is upon thy people. Selah”

Paranoia Won’t Win

The holiday season is slowly creeping up on us. While Sunday the fifth was a family event for me, it was basically a prelude to what I can expect at the family get together for Christmas this year.

I think I can say without a doubt that this year has been a year filled with paranoia where toxins, food, and family are concerned. Oddly enough (or maybe not) my faith hasn’t been shaken as I fight for my life out here in the real world. I am more concerned with the food that’s being served at get-togethers and being around his family who might have questions, but paranoia didn’t win in the end. I shrugged off the anxiety and faced the people and event head-on.

When we walked in the door on Sunday, the aroma began its assault on me but didn’t break me. Society breaks me more than the family gathering ever can. Empty plates spread out on the tables and the attendees just finishing up, now in the chatting mode as laughter could be heard throughout. When we walked further into the house, his aunt asked me if I wanted something to eat and I kindly said, no thank you, we had already eaten. My hubby wasn’t hungry either as he ate a nice big cinnamon bun before we left our house. He’s been trying so hard to cut back on soda, sugar, and sweets that he turned down the brownies that his mother offered him until she placed them right in front of his face and kept asking over and over if he wanted any until he buckled. The man cannot refuse his mother. No means no goes right out the window.

The only one that opened the discussion on my health was his cherubic aunt. She is eighty years old but looking at her wrinkleless face, you’d never know her age. I’m telling you, my face has more wrinkles and age than her beautiful smooth face. She has the face that I’d imagine that of an angel having, it also helps that she reminds me of one of my grade school nuns. She drives down to Nebraska from Sioux Falls South Dakota to see her family a couple times a year!

She wasn’t intrusive, she was compassionate and I have no problem at all telling her how my protocol is going and all that I’m doing to keep myself alive. She is very supportive and agrees with everything I’ve done so far and will continue to do. She told me she prays for me every night and adds me to her church prayer list weekly. 

I realized something this weekend. I have an iron will! After being bombarded with what I should and shouldn’t eat for nine months, gently nudged with every beat cancer newsletter out there, with aromas abounding from every direction, I’m being, to me, brutally attacked by the toxic invasion.

Speaking of toxic invasion, I use my writing as a safe haven. My blog is my corner of the world that no one can bully me into submission. I write what I want and when I want, typos and grammar shreds to pieces in my hands and I don’t give a flying fig! If people worried as much about their health as they do my grammar incapability, I imagine they’d be pictures of health. I’m out here fighting for my life and you’re worried about a run-on sentence, a missing comma, and lousy punctuation? Honestly, I think you need more help than me. Just saying.

I write my blog as a journal. I share my blog so people can see what I’m going through and maybe in some small way help just one person to change their life. I’m not writing to be published, I’m writing for ME, to share with YOU, and hoping along the way, you see a glorious God working in me. That’s it, that is all I’m doing.

I think I may just need a break, from writing, from sharing, and basically from the world. God has given me the strength to get through this year; He has helped me decipher the positive from the negative. He’s given me loving caring friends who walk this walk with me and had it not been for them, I don’t feel I could muster the strength to get through all of the paranoia that invades my comfy zone.

I have changed so much this year, inside and out. I’ve allowed paranoia to try and take hold of me like the toxic everything that surrounds me. I am gently moving into what is good for Joni phase as I weed out the ‘I don’t need that phase’ and what OTHERS want for me. This journey is about ME. If your doctor wants to load you up on drugs and you take it all in like candy, good for you. Me, I am adamant about not accepting drugs as a normal way of living. I’m on a journey of health. If that offends you or makes you cringe, I’ll pray for you, it’s all I can do at this time.

I told my niece this weekend, “I feel great! I feel alive!” She asked me what I was drinking. I said I’m high on life! For four years I could barely walk, I was, many days, walking with a cane, unbalanced and depressed that my life was descending into a bottomless pit. God pulled me out of that pit with CANCER! While some see that diagnosis as a death sentence, I see it as a life sentence. I will have this illness for the rest of my life, but I am embracing the change of seasons not being swept out by fear and paranoia. God has granted me the STRENGTH to ACCEPT the things I cannot change, CHANGE the things I CAN, and the WISDOM to know the DIFFERENCE! (and no, I never went to A.A.) 

As God has abundantly blessed me on this journey may He bless you also on your journey. 

Pss. 24:5 “He shall receive the blessing from the LORD, and righteousness from the God of his salvation.”

One Voice

Pss.1: 1-2 “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.”

One Voice

Well, it is done and over with, Donald Trump is the President-elect. I find it kind of funny that my Democratic friends (yes, I know who you are) and my Republican friends (I know who you are, too) all assume I voted for their candidate when I have NEVER given an inkling to who I was inclined to side with. Because I LIKE a meme on facebook, that tells you all about me? Boy, we’re in bigger trouble than I thought.

I was raised to never discuss politics or call people names just for the sake of calling names and if you look at my year of posts (facebook and my blog) I never led people to believe I was anything but a follower of Christ. I watched this year as people lost every shred of dignity. I saw friends being deleted because they weren’t in-sync with one another. I watched as the world collapsed. I don’t see hope and happiness in that.

I’m sad. I’m not sad because Hillary lost no more than am I sad because Trump won, I’m sad for MY future and the future of children who had to wake to a confusion of what commotion went on while they slept. I’m sad for the babies too small to even know anything was going on that we leave them a ruined country, one that they may or may not ever be proud to one day serve. 

I see fear. I see a people not happy with either candidate. When I voice my opinion it isn’t because I pulled it out of my hat. I SENSE that either way the vote would’ve gone it would lead to riots by the ‘thugs’ of society? Because you know, there is not one thug republican right? Both parties are a disgrace. Now maybe you’ll SEE what I sensed all along, fire, flames, burning buildings, vandalism, and destruction. Again, had the other side won, we’d see the same exact thing, that is how the entire campaign was run, on hate and dissension and this surprises you people are reacting in animosity?

I remember when I first heard that Trump was ‘thinking about running for president’, I laughed at first then said, “I bet he’d win. People are tired of politicians running.” I was laughed at as you can imagine because I have nothing political in my arsenal of word wars. Today I sit here still laughing because a Reality TV star is now our president-elect! As many of my readers might know, I’m not a television fan, I’ve never been a subscriber of cable, I’ve given up my love of football after the cold realization that I was being swindled by commercials and high paid thugs and the only television use in my house is to watch movies from either my computer or my DVD player. 

My voice doesn’t matter. No one cares what I think. They all assume to know something they know nothing of and that is ME! I’m not giving up hope. Christ is not about giving up! I will continue to stand with Christ while the people frolic in a two-faced society, one day filled with contempt for a person and the next day showing loving support. It makes absolutely no sense to me just as it didn’t when I was bullied in school.

I’m winding down my year of blog posts and I have ten more before the change for me. I honestly don’t know what will happen but I’ll embrace whatever the Lord plans for me. My next ten posts will surely be about HOPE, CHRIST, LOVE, HONOR, Thanksgiving and they will all remain my walk with God and not man!

Today I hold my head high, maintain every shred of the dignity I started the year with and walk hand-in-hand with our Mighty Savior who saw all of this coming before we did. I don’t judge you for your choices in life, please, don’t judge me for having a quiet voice amid a roaring angry crowd. I’m tired of the name-calling and the finger-pointing. What’s done is done now let us move on and a skip to my lou my darling. 

Pss. 107:8-11 “Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men! For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness. Such as sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, being bound in affliction and iron; Because they rebelled against the words of God, and contemned the counsel of the most High:

Quotation Saturday ~ The Year of Change

Matt. 6:34 “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” 

NEW YEAR

“Hope
Smiles from the threshold of the year to come, 
Whispering 'it will be happier'...” 
~ Alfred Lord Tennyson

“For last year's words belong to last year's language 
And next year's words await another voice.” 
~ T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.

So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever.” 
~ Neil Gaiman

“A bridge of silver wings stretches from the dead ashes of an unforgiving nightmare
to the jeweled vision of a life started anew.” 
~ Aberjhani

CHANGE

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” 
~ Mahatma Gandhi

“Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.” 
~ Rob Siltanen

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” 
~ Albert Einstein

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” 
~ Rumi

GROWTH

“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.” 
~ C. JoyBell C.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” 
~ Anaïs Nin

“Just because I liked something at one point in time doesn’t mean I’ll always like it, or that I have to go on liking it at all points in time as an unthinking act of loyalty to who I am as a person, based solely on who I was as a person. To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think. The only thing I am for sure is unsure, and this means I’m growing, and not stagnant or shrinking.” 
~ Jarod Kintz

“My turn shall also come:
I sense the spreading of a wing.” 
~ Osip Mandelstam

SPIRITUAL

“The moon is a loyal companion.
It never leaves. It’s always there, watching, steadfast, knowing us in our light and dark moments, changing forever just as we do. Every day it’s a different version of itself. Sometimes weak and wan, sometimes strong and full of light. The moon understands what it means to be human.
Uncertain. Alone. Cratered by imperfections.” 
~ Tahereh Mafi

“Sometimes our light goes out, but is blown again into instant flame by an encounter with another human being.” 
~ Albert Schweitzer

“That which God said to the rose, and caused it to laugh in full-blown beauty, He said to my heart, and made it a hundred times more beautiful.” 
~ Rumi

“People tend to be generous when sharing their nonsense, fear, and ignorance. And while they seem quite eager to feed you their negativity, please remember that sometimes the diet we need to be on is a spiritual and emotional one. Be cautious with what you feed your mind and soul. Fuel yourself with positivity and let that fuel propel you into positive action.” 
~ Steve Maraboli

“Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.” 
~ Mother Teresa

“I sense it in the breath of the morning, the rising of the sun, the brisk cold that kisses my skin; this is the year of change.”
~  Joni