Poetry Sunday: A Mother's Trials

Prov. 31: 10, 27-28 "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her."

A Mother’s Trials

Six children born to parents 

At different eras and times

One during a peaceful age 

One during wartime crimes

Two were born surprisingly

Two lost along the way

Then came two bouncing girls

Making the family a buffet.

The mother’s trials were endless

With her six kids underwing

While father being the breadwinner

Made mother’s trials the sting.

Nothing perfect happened

In the years that followed suit

One son went into the service

While the other a different route

Four kids left to figure out

What right and wrong would come

Mother taking a job to help

The kids not under her thumb.

The years passed by so quickly

Each different memories to hold.

Some boast of great harmony

While some had pasts of cold.

Not every life runs perfectly 

Not every childhood is grand

A mother’s trials are silent

With each child in a different hand.

A mother remembers the good times

While the child will store the bad.

But both will hold a great life 

No matter which one was had.

A mother’s trial is what forged us

Whether we like the image we see.

Her trials are what formed and shaped

The intricate family.

As Mother’s Days will come and go

Just as each life will come to pass

Remember through trials and errors

It’s our Mothers love that will last!

~*~*~*~*~*~*

My mother and dad would've been married 61

years this year. He's passed over and she waits for the day to see him again. But this is MY story, not hers. I just want what is best for her, a great day!

Holy Week - Strength in Scripture

Holy Week – Strength in Scripture 

Sorrow

With my illness I often find myself wallowing in sorrow. Sorrow for the lost, sorrow for what was and what is to come, physically and spiritually, literally and metaphorically.

Deut. 28:65 “And among these nations shalt thou find no ease, neither shall the sole of thy foot have rest: but the LORD shall give thee there a trembling heart, and failing of eyes, and sorrow of mind:”

Esther 9:22 “As the days wherein the Jews rested from their enemies, and the month which was turned unto them from sorrow to joy, and from mourning into a good day: that they should make them days of feasting and joy, and of sending portions one to another, and gifts to the poor.”

Job 6:10 “Then should I yet have comfort; yea, I would harden myself in sorrow: let him not spare; for I have not concealed the words of the Holy One.”

The Holy Spirit is my comforter during these trying days. As people hurry around buying their Easter Sunday dresses, scramble to have a feast for their family, sorrow fills my heart for those who struggle to have bread, for those who seek but do not listen. It is with sorrow my heart is heavy.

Job 17:7 “Mine eye also is dim by reason of sorrow, and all my members are as a shadow.”

Pss. 13:2 “How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?”

Pss. 18:4 “The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid.”

Pss 39:2 “I was dumb with silence, I held my peace, even from good; and my sorrow was stirred.”

Pss. 69:29 “But I am poor and sorrowful: let thy salvation, O God, set me up on high.”

Pss 127:2 “It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.”

I pray for my family to know the love in my heart for my heavenly Father and not to remember me for the sorrows that haunted me. I sleep eight hours a night of peaceful rest. May they know when eternal rest comes I’m not bearing sorrow but eternal peace will fill my being of light.

Prov.10:22 “The blessing of the LORD, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it.”

Prov. 14:13 “Even in laughter the heart is sorrowful; and the end of that mirth is heaviness.”

Prov. 15:13 “A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.”

This verified illness is upon me as so many hidden illnesses encapsulate me. I cannot tackle one without the other and the sorrow from the heaviness overwhelms me at times with loneliness.

Ecc. 5:17 “All his days also he eateth in darkness, and he hath much sorrow and wrath with his sickness.”

Ecc.7:3 “Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better.”

Isa. 14:3 “And it shall come to pass in the day that the LORD shall give thee rest from thy sorrow, and from thy fear, and from the hard bondage wherein thou wast made to serve,”

Isa. 35:10 “And the ransomed of the LORD shall return, and come to Zion with songs and everlasting joy upon their heads: they shall obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.”

Dan. 10:16 “And, behold, one like the similitude of the sons of men touched my lips: then I opened my mouth, and spake, and said unto him that stood before me, O my lord, by the vision my sorrows are turned upon me, and I have retained no strength.”
I longingly give you the fruit of the Spirit as I’m guided. My Holy Week will conclude and my New Year will begin. Even if it is only I who acknowledges the New Year it is mine to begin anew. A new breath, a new day, a new flame to my fire!

Jer. 31:25 “For I have satiated the weary soul, and I have replenished every sorrowful soul.”

Hos. 8:10 “Yea, though they have hired among the nations, now will I gather them, and they shall sorrow a little for the burden of the king of princes.”

Matt. 24:8 “All these are the beginning of sorrows.”

I gave all I could give and have nothing more to present. His Word has wrapped around you and shown you the sorrows but the blind cannot see. I will not walk in the shadow of death, I will rise to see a New Year; a new day dawning. Man will taste sorrow.

Mark 13:8 “For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be earthquakes in divers places, and there shall be famines and troubles: these are the beginnings of sorrows.”

John 16:22 “And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you.”

2 Cor. 2:3 “And I wrote this same unto you, lest, when I came, I should have sorrow from them of whom I ought to rejoice; having confidence in you all, that my joy is the joy of you all.”

Rev. 21:4 “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”

May the Grace and Glory of God

be with you all

And I Wait...

Pss. 59:9 “Because of his strength will I wait upon thee: for God is my defence.”

And I wait…

I don’t know what to think and I really don’t want opinions of what I should do. These past two weeks I’ve had a setback. I mentioned it before with all that’s happened and I feel the setback was the wheat bread and the eating of the toxic grains.

I’ve eaten all these wonderful foods all of my life and never in a million years would I imagine something so good for you could be one of the elements causing this disease in me. I’m not even fifty-five years young and already I’m being affected by the strong-arm of an illness that has laid its hands on me, gripping me, expecting me to ‘submit’. I can’t do it. I won’t give up on God like others have done, I just won’t!

I hear people say they care about me but in all honesty, I don’t feel it. How can months (sometimes years) go by and people say ‘I care about you’ and nothing more? How is that caring? You thought about me? Because you think about me and my suffering, that’s caring? I just don’t get it. 

I’m trying to be okay with people passively thinking about me when it’s convenient for them. I’m trying to understand why I sit alone crying my eyes out and no one to listen to me or hug me and say it will all be all right. Just a comforting hug could go a long way in my isolated world.

I notice people give up too easy too. If they’re trying to lose weight, and it doesn’t happen instantaneously they give up. If they pray, and the prayer goes unanswered they give up on God for not being quick with a response. I’ve seen people give up on God who has received miracles, then just gave up with all that hokey stuff and lived life for themselves now that the miracle is over; enough time has passed, they should be safe, right? I guess so, if that is what you believe.

I myself feel I received a miracle of the regaining of my walking ability. For a couple of years the pain was so bad I was relinquished to using a cane and allowed onlookers to pity me with their eyes. People don’t realize their eyes are like speakers when sizing people up the volume is set to high and the bass is felt loud and clear from the person you draw eye contact from. I don’t need the eye contact to feel the faces of pity looking at me.

Since my diagnosis, I’ve come a long way in regaining my strength and the ability to walk, so much so I proudly traipsed around feeling invincible. No one is invincible; a few slices of bread and overconfidence will knock you on your butt and take it all away with one night of sleep. Let me tell you if you don’t have those backup supporters who say, ‘they care about you’ the fall hurts even more.

I’m a mess this week. I had a bad day that led to a couple more bad days and now I try to pick myself up from the rubble I’ve left strewn about the place. I’ve needed a good strong physical hug but even that is scarce because my pain is so bad, it hurts to have a hug. I’m straining to see the light at the end of the tunnel that I know is there. When the pain is so overwhelming it is hard to see or hear anything.

I love the fact that people turn to me for strength, direction, assistance, aid in helping them but in times of my hurting, those tasks are impossible so I shy away from the very venue of that portion of love I receive. I’m hurting, how can I help someone when I’m in the throes of a setback and no one can visually see how bad my days are, again because ‘they care’ but not enough to consider I might be having a hard time or bad day myself.

I want to gently show my friends that while I’m having this hard time, I still can see the light way off at the end of the tunnel. My tears stream, my pain unbearable, my cries to the Lord louder than ever and the echo, the echo of my voice is haunting. In the days of these struggles, the scripture that stands out to me is from Isaiah 40:31

 “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

I have a birthday coming up and I’m not even looking forward to the day. It’s just another day. That’s what people say when they get older, y’know? A good thing my son, who is young, says it now so he has no false illusions about the world around him. It’s just another day. I should get a plaque stating that and hang it on the wall! 

Along with my setback comes grumpiness, bitterness, and downright insensitivity. This is the point where I’m supposed ‘to think’ but I don’t. I put no rein on my thoughts or insensitive blurts. I fail. I don’t think of others and how they might be feeling when I boast of my weight loss when they can’t lose a pound to save their life, or my lack of pain when there’s has them bound to drug relief, or my rejoicing in how great I’m doing walking with a bounce in my step and light in my life. Maybe they want to hear the hard-grained steps I have to bear to wake up each day in the light of optimism. Maybe they long to hear of a setback so they can say ‘aha, I knew you should’ve gone another route’. I’m on the edge about to fall over the cliff and can’t find the upbeat rhythm of words they need to hear to get through their bad day. So there, I’m having a momentary lapse.

I have a loving relationship with God and I know we’ll get through this band of pain together. I wonder sometimes if people think that God has a special light set to shine just on my face but let me tell you, God’s love has no perimeter, His love for us is as personal as any loving relationship we’ll ever have in life. He has no preferential treatment for just me. He loves us all the same. Do we all love Him the same? I don’t know. I think we all try but we all have that period of ‘now we wait’, how each of us handles this period of patience is most definitely different! 

1 John 4:13 “Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit.”

Quotation Saturday ~ The Year of Change

Matt. 6:34 “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” 

NEW YEAR

“Hope
Smiles from the threshold of the year to come, 
Whispering 'it will be happier'...” 
~ Alfred Lord Tennyson

“For last year's words belong to last year's language 
And next year's words await another voice.” 
~ T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.

So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever.” 
~ Neil Gaiman

“A bridge of silver wings stretches from the dead ashes of an unforgiving nightmare
to the jeweled vision of a life started anew.” 
~ Aberjhani

CHANGE

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” 
~ Mahatma Gandhi

“Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.” 
~ Rob Siltanen

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” 
~ Albert Einstein

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” 
~ Rumi

GROWTH

“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.” 
~ C. JoyBell C.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” 
~ Anaïs Nin

“Just because I liked something at one point in time doesn’t mean I’ll always like it, or that I have to go on liking it at all points in time as an unthinking act of loyalty to who I am as a person, based solely on who I was as a person. To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think. The only thing I am for sure is unsure, and this means I’m growing, and not stagnant or shrinking.” 
~ Jarod Kintz

“My turn shall also come:
I sense the spreading of a wing.” 
~ Osip Mandelstam

SPIRITUAL

“The moon is a loyal companion.
It never leaves. It’s always there, watching, steadfast, knowing us in our light and dark moments, changing forever just as we do. Every day it’s a different version of itself. Sometimes weak and wan, sometimes strong and full of light. The moon understands what it means to be human.
Uncertain. Alone. Cratered by imperfections.” 
~ Tahereh Mafi

“Sometimes our light goes out, but is blown again into instant flame by an encounter with another human being.” 
~ Albert Schweitzer

“That which God said to the rose, and caused it to laugh in full-blown beauty, He said to my heart, and made it a hundred times more beautiful.” 
~ Rumi

“People tend to be generous when sharing their nonsense, fear, and ignorance. And while they seem quite eager to feed you their negativity, please remember that sometimes the diet we need to be on is a spiritual and emotional one. Be cautious with what you feed your mind and soul. Fuel yourself with positivity and let that fuel propel you into positive action.” 
~ Steve Maraboli

“Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.” 
~ Mother Teresa

“I sense it in the breath of the morning, the rising of the sun, the brisk cold that kisses my skin; this is the year of change.”
~  Joni

Quotation Saturday ~ Advent

From the internet

Matt. 1: 23 Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us.

It is under the false assumption for people to believe that Advent is for a denomination and full of rites and rituals. Advent is a Spiritual Christian Season that all Christians normally celebrate. It is the love of Christ, the Coming of Christ and a season to cherish the gift that God gave to us. THIS is the reason for the Season! ~ Amen

“One of the essential paradoxes of Advent: that while we wait for God, we are with God all along, that while we need to be reassured of God’s arrival, or the arrival of our homecoming, we are already at home. While we wait, we have to trust, to have faith, but it is God’s grace that gives us that faith. As with all spiritual knowledge, two things are true, and equally true, at once. The mind can’t grasp paradox; it is the knowledge of the soul.”

~ Michelle Blake, The Tentmaker

“ADVENT—the four-week period that leads up to Christmas—is a series of events designed not to delay the celebration of Christmas, but to enhance it. It’s a kind of delayed gratification that culminates in a … satisfaction that is all the richer for the waiting.”

~ Joan Chittister, Listen with the Heart

“The season of Advent means there is something on the horizon the likes of which we have never seen before… What is possible is to not see it, to miss it, to turn just as it brushes past you. And you begin to grasp what it was you missed, like Moses in the cleft of the rock, watching God’s [back] fade in the distance. So stay. Sit. Linger. Tarry. Ponder. Wait. Behold. Wonder. There will be time enough for running. For rushing. For worrying. For pushing. For now, stay. Wait. Something is on the horizon.”
~ Jan L. Richardson, Night Visions: Searching the Shadows of Advent and Christmas

“The spirituality of Advent calls us to start our journey in expectation of the second coming of Christ. The end time is the period in history when the work of Christ will be consummated, when the powers of evil will be put away forever, when the earth will be restored to the golden age described by Isaiah and St. John.” (see Isa. 65; Rev. 20-22).

~ Robert Weber

“IT WAS NOT suddenly and unannounced that Jesus came into the world. He came into a world that had been prepared for him. The whole Old Testament is the story of a special preparation … . Only when all was ready, only in the fullness of his time, did Jesus come.”

~ Phillips Brooks, The Consolations of God: Great Sermons of Phillips Brooks

In Advent spirituality we are also called on to meditate on the birthing of Christ in our hearts. In this matter we are dealing with the conversion of life, the movement away from the old life lived under the power of evil to the new life lived in the power of the Holy Spirit. True conversion is a turning from one way of life to another. Christ calls us to be converted to him, to make him the pattern of our lives, to make our living and dying a living and dying in him.

~ Robert Weber

“This Advent we look to the Wise Men to teach us where to focus our attention. We set our sights on things above, where God is. We draw closer to Jesus… When our Advent journey ends, and we reach the place where Jesus resides in Bethlehem, may we, like the Wise Men, fall on our knees and adore him as our true and only King.”

~ Mark Zimmermann in Our Advent Journey