Monday, November 14, 2011

A Year of Change...

“One path in life is lonely, directionless and hopeless. The other is taking the hand of Jesus and letting Him guide you along the way.” ~ GodVine on Facebook

There’s a Readers Digest contest of 150 words of Thankfulness and what it means to you. Promote? A contest should be judged on merit of a story, not how many votes you can get, and in hindsight, I wished I never would have entered.

Seeing that I have no friends, or not that many really like me and who have basically pushed me out of a circle I once belonged to, I scaled the ropes reaching for the 100 votes mark while others, who had friends, neared the 1000 mark and the 20,000 mark.

This really gave me an idea of where I want to go with my writing. Seeing that book sales are all about the people you know. Nothing stands on its own legs any more and if you have a novel to sell, it goes for 4.99,  the ebook trade swallows it up, and you never really get recognition unless your name is King, or someone in the industry (think Ellen or Oprah) promotes you.

This year has brought about many drastic changes. None that I have had any control of but changes that I’ve been a part of the unraveling of, like a ball of yarn.

We began the year in the unknown. Would this be the year that the Blind Man sees? As March approached swiftly, we were off on doctor visits and running around on the legs of hope and prayer. I understand intrinsically that waiting is not just a requirement that God asks of us, it is a measure of faith. Not diminishing faith, but some have a better resilience on the waiting bar than others who want it now. They think, “I prayed and I want it now. I shouldn’t have to WAIT!” But guess what, you HAVE to wait and as I’ve learned over the years, that waiting is just a small part of the plan. Sure I have my anxious moments, but I know if I wait patiently, the Lord will take care of everything. Then the anxiety is diminished.

July brought about an unexpected blessing. I received a laptop. It was a strange miracle because I’m used to everyone else receiving them and I sit and watch the glory of God take shape and form. But in this instance, I was the receiver. Then I decided, against my better judgment, to mentor f2k, thinking this would help me relieve some of the anxiety I was facing, little did I know, it was the culmination of a poignant year of realization. It opened my eyes in the writing world. F2k changed my life in more ways than one.

Ironic isn’t it? October brought about the the sight being restored to my man, and for me, the sight into the reality of my life and where it is going? The month began in pain for me as my mouth needed attention, but I’d have to suffer in pain and give my undivided attention to matters at hand. Sight is a pretty big thing that I think we all take for granted, and until it is taken away for years, you’ll never really understand the level of dependence you have on your sight.

Trip after trip to Omaha, took its toll on my body, and finally my mouth hit a heightened pain that could no longer be ignored, but who would help me? Again, no close friends, I slept in pain and rose in anguish until someone near to me like a mother said, “Get to the dentist! I’ll help!” As tears rolled down my face, I made the appointment and felt the loving arms of God once again embrace me.

Life will shape into a ball if I allow it, or into a pile of dung, either way, the year will come to rest on change. Change in focus, change in direction, a broad change in the path I’ve decided to travel down.

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