Tuesday, May 31, 2016


Pss. 50:15 “And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me.”

Do you know what it means to be authentic in your faith?

If we live in Christ, if we live our true identity our community, our world will never be the same. That is the message Jesus gave to Paul and Paul delivered to Ephesus. He wanted us to be authentic in what we show the world. If we are authentic then the world sees our unified Light. The more light that shines, the more illuminated the world will be during the dark times.

I often hear, “I can’t believe you wrote that, that you just put all of you out there.”

My response is, “It’s my truth.” That my friends is my authenticity. I am who I am and I don’t hide behind false bravado. If Jesus himself came knocking on my door, would someone else answer? He would see through me, He sees through everybody’s mask.  Would I put on a mask and pretend to be someone I’m not? Would I hide all the dirty dishes? No, because there are none. What He would see is the real me, just as He sees me every day. Not that He cares if you have dirty dishes, he would see you trying to hide them and your feelings of embarrassment and being caught unaware that He was coming.

Can everyone say that they were prepared for His visit? No? You attend church on Sunday, then come home, kick off your shoes and pop open a bottle or can of some booze and then go to the web and just accidentally fall upon the pornography or undesirable sites? You feed yourself junk and that includes the hate and disgust of the world until the next Sunday comes around when you put on that ‘Sunday face’ again? You then repeat the same thing over and over until each Sunday comes around? That is not being authentic.

Let me tell you another thing about me I’ll just toss out there; life’s tough. There is no easy road to being a person who is authentic in nature, God loving. That road is full of debris that hinders the path so going along smoothly becomes a rocky road and I don’t mean cheesy peasy ice cream easy, either. You might say, “What? Are you telling me you’re Miss Perfect?” And I’ll tell you right up front, in no uncertain terms, I AM NOT perfect, I am authentic! I wait for His coming and I prepare myself daily for His arrival.

Let’s say for example if you bumped into someone from Church in the grocery store, would you be the same person they see on Sunday? Suppose you have booze in your cart, would you feel uneasy, ashamed, proud, what? Let’s say a person from Church stopped by your house on a Wednesday unannounced, would you scurry to hide your mess? Would you pretend you’re not home because your place isn’t ‘acceptable’ to look at? 

Think about that seriously. Are you the same person sitting in church on Sunday as the person sitting at home the rest of the week? Yes I stumble, I fall, I skin my knees but sin is not something I commit willingly and usually I’m right up front about my sin; for some reason, hiding doesn’t seem to work. God sees all, so why hide behind a mask? If the truth is out there then it becomes easier to heal, easier to walk the path of authenticity because you’re exposed.

Nobody (except a doctor) likes to see an open wound. No one likes to share the open wound because it feels like you’re seeking self-pity. I like to put my open wounds out there to find healing. “See this scar? That was a wound that’s healed!” 

There are so many non-authentic people in the world the darkness is overloading the system. It’s like a bad virus that has corrupted the files. We want to choose a good cleaner for our system, we want the best anti-virus protecting us but our bad choices often lead us to damage the entire system. 

The authentic Christian chooses Christ to be his/her healer cleanser on a daily basis, not just a Sunday visit. It doesn’t work that way. Can you imagine turning off your firewall, your anti-virus protection on the computer every day of the week except Sunday? The vile, decrepit, sinister beast that will eventually expose your true nature will attack you. You have to have true authentic protection on a daily basis for the armor to hold up in your weaker moments.

This is MY story. This is MY authenticity shining through. Every person is different and has a different level of security set up. My choice is Christ. Has it stopped me from being attacked? Has God blanketed me from all pain? Nope, He sure hasn’t but He HAS been the one who's healed me. The only one who was there with a Kleenex to dry my tears. The only one who dove into my system to take away the crud; charges me up and emits a light that everyone sees. THAT is my authenticity in Christ shining through. 

May the lit umbrella of the Lord become your authentic nature and shine through you all! 

God bless

Eph. 6: 5-6 “Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ;
Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart;”

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Quotation Saturday ~ Memorial Day

Fort McHenry
Baltimore, Maryland


“We the people, in order to form a unified world must stop to fact check before posting lies to diversify. We the people are the victims of a ‘click-bait-share’ system. Anger, rage and misunderstanding are all the causes of internal wars. You, my friends, are the ones so eager to share the lies without seeking out facts thus causing and feeding into the war of the races. You are the ones who start the wars.”
~ Joni Zipp

“Patriotism is a kind of religion; it is the egg from which wars are hatched."
[My Uncle Sosthenes]” 
~ Guy de Maupassant

“In war, the first casualty is truth.” 
~ Terry Hayes

“Wars today seem to occur at a more precise point in time but deep down they are permanent.” 
~ Bernardo Carvalho


“We're all born with selfish desires, so we can all relate to those feelings in others. But kindness is something made individually by each person...so it's easy to misunderstand when others are trying to be kind to you.” 
~ Natsuki Takaya

“They have the unique ability to listen to one story and understand another.” 
~ Pandora Poikilos

“The common man prays, 'I want a cookie right now!' And God responds, 'If you'd listen to what I say, tomorrow it will bring you 100 cookies.” 
~ Criss Jami


“All good people agree,
And all good people say,
All nice people, like Us, are We
And every one else is They:
But if you cross over the sea,
Instead of over the way,
You may end by (think of it!) looking on We
As only a sort of They!” 
~ Rudyard Kipling

“To become a true global citizen, one must abandon all notions of 'otherness' and instead embrace 'togetherness'. The world is no longer white, black, yellow and brown. Through love, tribes have been intermixing colors to reveal a new rainbow world. And as more time passes, this racial and cultural blending will make it harder for humans to side with one race, nation or religion over another. Therefore, practical wisdom should be used to abandon any cultural, social, religious, tribal, and national beliefs of alterity altogether. This is the only way mankind will truly evolve. Segregation is a word of the past. Unity is the key to a peaceful future.” 
~ Suzy Kassem

“Ignoring the evils of our history will only cause them to reoccur.” 
~ R.M. Donaldson

“Having the liberty to have freedom of choice is the greatest thing that each and every one of us has because that makes us who we are. Do not however, use this as an excuse to discriminate, segregate and stereotype mass amounts of people on the basis of a small group of individuals who have either the power or the spotlight to do bad things” 
~ Calum Alexander Logan


“The atrocities of war are only overshadowed by the heroism of their dead.” 
~ Todd Stocker

“As individuals die every moment, how insensitive and fabricated a love it is to set aside a day from selfish routine in prideful, patriotic commemoration of tragedy. Just as God is provoked by those who tithe simply because they feel that they must tithe, I am provoked by those who commemorate simply because they feel that they must commemorate.” 
~ Criss Jami

“We'd like to think that it is not our fault that great men and women died fighting for the security of our nation and safety of our communities. But we know this not to be true. They committed their lives for us in instances where either we were too afraid to do it ourselves or failed to find alternate solutions on our own. We enjoy the fruits of their ultimate sacrifice and owe their families a heartfelt thanks and apology every day.” 
~ D'Andre Lampkin

“You are silent now who once stood on battlefields ravaged by destruction unimaginable, holding in those desperate places the line of freedom for others you would never know, and who would never know you. And being one of those you never knew, I would give all I have to clasp your hand one single time, look into eyes that witnessed the bloodied carnage that results when freedom refuses to bow to chains of any kind, and simply say 'thank you.” 
~ Craig D. Lounsbrough

Have a safe and blessed Memorial Day weekend remembering this:

“-We need more love, to supersede hatred,
-We need more strength, 
to resist our weaknesses, 
-We need more inspiration, 
to lighten up our inner mind. 
-We need more learning, 
to erase our ignorance, 
-We need more wisdom, 
to live longer and happier, 
-We need more truths, to suppress deceptions, 
-We need more health, 
to enjoy our wealth, 
-We need more peace, to stay in harmony with our brethren 
-We need more smiles, 
to brighten up our day, 
-We need more hero's, and not zero's, 
-We need more change of ourselves, to change the lives of others, 
-We need more understanding, 
to tackle our misunderstanding, 
-We need more sympathy, 
not apathy, 
-We need more forgiveness, 
not vengeance, 
-We need more humility to be lifted up, 
-We need more patience and not undue eagerness, 
-We need more focus, to avoid distraction, 
-We need more optimism, 
not pessimism 
-We need more justice, 
not injustice, 
-We need more facts, not fiction,
-We need more education, 
to curb illiteracy, 
-We need more skills, not incompetence, 
-We need more challenges, 
to make attempts, 
-We need more talents, 
to create the extraordinary, 
-We need more helping hands, 
not stingy folks, 
-We need more efforts, 
not laziness, 
-We need more jokes, to forget our worries, 
-We need more spirituality, 
not mean religion, 
-We need more freedom, 
not enslavement, 
-We need more peacemakers, 
not revolutionaries...with these, we create a heaven on earth.” 
~ Michael Bassey Johnson

Friday, May 27, 2016

Healing Through Prayer

1 John 2:1-2 (NIV)
My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense -- Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.

Healing through prayer

The prayer of the righteous is powerful and effective. It may be just me, but I do not feel an emoticon is righteous and should not be used in the place of prayer, real earnest prayer. I have learned through watching and seeing, feeling and knowing that prayer encourages healing and this is where I’m at, for now.

Who are the ones paying when I don’t pray? The negative influencing people could care less about me or whether they are hurting me or they wouldn’t post what they do and consider the pain they might inflict on people. No, they continue spewing their hatred, flaunting the ego in laughter and using God’s word for their own feel good show. 

When I can’t make it onto facebook and see the prayer requests, the only one paying for my lack of prayer are those in need of prayer and thus satan thinks he is winning the game. As I find healing it is only through prayer that the power of prayer is realized. While satan was wielding his pitchfork and laughing at my seeming demise, I prayed. My God has always been stronger and more powerful and I knew I’d find healing.

I need to stop taking everything people write and post as a personal attack on ME! I need to know that people are human and going to act accordingly in the search for their egos survival for without their ego, they are nothing. To me, they are the Legion referred to in Luke. Men of many faces, hiding in the armpits of satan, wearing the many masks that evil offers.

Luke 8:30 “And Jesus asked him, saying, What is thy name? And he said, Legion: because many devils were entered into him.”

The darkened days are clouded over with an air of mystery as night after night, day after day storms erupt from the sky unleashing damaging lightning, gusting forceful winds, trembling thunder, and torrential rains that leave the newly plowed fields unrecognizable. The sun is hiding behind the darkness waiting to warm the moistened soil just as God is waiting for me to embrace the light that is hiding within me and to override the negative influence with the Glory of Him and Him alone.

While depression will lay dormant I will get on the horse and ride into the sunset that I know is there and it will cradle my thoughts. I will not make light of the darkness that covers my eyes, no I will see the sun lurking behind the cloud waiting to pierce the ground in the light beams that will eventually devour the gray murk of the days.

I don’t use pills to heal my daily pain, I don’t use alcohol to hide behind a storm inside, I don’t abuse food because it serves me no purpose. I won’t go to a doctor who is only there to tell me what I DON’T have wrong with me and can only confirm what IS wrong with me when the tally of the doctor bill reaches the thousands, THEN they’ll find what is wrong and will medicate me for the problem instead of finding HEALING for the problem.

Each day that passes, I will slowly emerge the victor of the storm stronger because the darkness didn’t win, this time, yet again. A flower will unveil one petal at a time. Buds will emerge and the winds will strengthen the stem. I will continue to write, as this is my God-given path that I must pursue. While my immediate family could care less if I write, I know there are people out in the world seeking that one person who is suffering with them and wish to read how they handle such circumstances and maybe THAT is why so many storms take hold of my life so that I can weather them and share my healing with others like me. 

I'll weather this storm and find my healing through earnest prayer. All praise and Glory to God. 

Phil. 4: 6-7 “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Thursday, May 26, 2016

I'm Alive

Photo by: Adam

Rom. 12:2 “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

I’m alive and I’m okay with that. Depression sucks the blood right out of your veins until you feel like a shell of skin with nothing in between to hold it together.

“Sometimes you are satisfied with your life while many people in this world are dreaming of living your life…
A child on a farm sees a plane fly overhead and dreams of being a pilot. But a pilot on the plane sees a farmhouse and dreams of returning home.
That’s life! Enjoy yours… if wealth is the secret to happiness, then the rich should be dancing in the streets, but only the poor kids do that.
If power ensures security, then officials should walk unguarded, but those who live simply, sleep SOUNDLY.
If beauty and fame bring ideal relationships, then celebrities should have the best marriages.
LIVE SIMPLY, WALK HUMBLY AND LOVE GENUINELY. All good will come back to you.” ~ Healing Journey posted this to facebook. I don’t know who the author is but I like it. 

I need things like this to lift my spirits so I don’t feel so isolated in an over-populated world. I see the outside but gusty winds that nearly topple me, and continuous days of rain keeping the ground saturated and the cool temps of springtime are keeping me basically housebound. My extremely unfertile soil is keeping me from growing anything that resembles something edible and the scorching sun will devour my flowers that do make a comeback soon. 

You’d think I’d be writing like crazy but no when I get depressed, writing is the farthest thing from my mind. It’s a good thing I don’t eat like a mad hatter or I’d be as big as this house we live in. I’ve never really been into chocolate and junk mainly because when you’ve suffered from toothaches the size of Mt. Etna throughout your life, it does keep you in check of what you CAN eat and what you avoid at all cost. 

Even with my tooth problems taken care of, I’ve built a dislike for things that just aren’t good for me, to me, a blessing in disguise since heart problems and type2 diabetes and other health problems run rampant in my family. Taking care of my internal health hasn’t been a problem but it still doesn’t stop maladies from cropping up to attack me.

The world has me depressed. Not so much the world but the cunning people of the world, the hypocrites, the liars and deceivers that I truly believe are working for satan and not God. I have one or two friends that are children of God. You can see Him working through them and everything that they put out into the world glows like a meteor flashing across the sky. They shine brightly. 

I’m hanging onto my faith in God as tightly as I can as the wine bibbers and deceivers prowl around as if they are working with God but I can see right through them. They’re the once a week Sunday dwellers. The rest of the week they’re partnered with the likes of satan manipulating their lives so that people THINK they’re the children of God but clearly they are the workers of satan defiling the world we live in today.

We are too close to the end to be toying with the rights and wrongs of society. You think you have time because hey, God will forgive you, right? No matter what you do, God is the all-forgiving God who allows you to sin and sin and sin and keep on sinning until the last day when you say, oops, forgive me God and he whisks you away to the pearly gates in the sky? 

Yes, we are all sinners and fall short of the glory of God and I strive every day to not continue in sin because I want myself clean before God, not a dirty rag that has been washed over and over in sin and at the last minute begs for forgiveness. I live to be who God wants me to be, not who * I * want to be in a selfish ego driven manner.   

I will fight my way through depression. I will pray for those who walk in the dark and are alive being a contortion of this world. I will ask for myself to be healed and cleansed. I will continue in solitude, grow in obscurity, bathe in the glory of monotony and focus on my inner qualities that God is shaping into His life form. I am a child of God not a child of this world.

A word from Charles Swindoll:

If you are reading me today, I hope it is because you have me bookmarked and look forward to reading me and my crazy thoughts. I have to stay away from facebook as one or two light-filled people don’t outweigh the many dark ones. I go now and wait for yet another storm to come and this one has a tornado watch attached to it, so be good people, I’m not going to be around forever to keep you in line. 

May the Light of the Lord shine from within you and carry it for the world to see. 

God Bless…

Rom. 8:29 “For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.”

Monday, May 23, 2016

A Break

John 5:30 “I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me.”

I’m taking a break. Maybe you’ve noticed, maybe you haven’t but there comes a time when God puts a halt to your daily routine and lets you know you need a break from it all. 

I’ve almost given facebook up completely (except for the prayer requests) since facebook is no longer a feel-good place. Instead of the place lifting my spirits up, what has happened is the complete opposite. There is no way to bathe yourself in negativity on a daily basis and it makes you feel good. 

It has grown to be more than all of the political crap being spewed by the ‘so-called’ Christians, there is a blanket of negative posts that leads one to see people differently, like not in a good light? I just have to take a break. I don’t like seeing people in a negative light. My blog writing will pay the price because not even writing positive stuff makes me feel good anymore. The negativity has saturated my being and I need a break so I can refocus and come back in full form.

There used to be a couple of positive posts that I could look to and it lift me up and carry me through the day but no, two positive posts do not outweigh the twenty or so negative posts. Yes, this election year has turned people into some sort of demon seeds, spilling out hate like an oil slick on water damaging anything it comes into contact with. 

People think they are being helpful and insightful but all that they do is generate a negative energy that feeds the other legion of negative dwellers. They swarm like bees, gnawing the very essence of positivity and draining the site of all the good left in the world. And then people wonder why they can’t sleep at night?

That’s the one good thing that hasn’t been ruined by the negative virtual world and that’s my sleep. I sleep soundly, I fall to sleep right away and the only thing that awakens me is the sound of the early birds chiming in my window and letting me know the sun is about to rise. So that’s my positive; yay me!

The downright chilly mornings are refreshing. Open windows, low electric bills, no heater needed or A.C., a roof over my head and food in my fridge. All are the positive things that I hold onto while venturing into the negative realm. 

The babies; my niece (and her hubby) have a daughter about to turn one-year-old, my nephew (and his wife) has a daughter turning one in August, my other niece (and her hubby) have three beautiful well rounded adjusted kids that I love seeing their faces and pics to make my day more merry. And I also have a friend who has a daughter with a baby who has the most beautiful eyelashes and laughter that can make any downer of a day a pick me up of a day. Those beautiful faces keep facebook alive for me.

I’ve suffered from depression my whole life, I’ve never been medicated for depression or back pain and I walk with my head high because I will not throw negative crud in people’s faces to make them feel worse? We have a very sick nation that enjoys spewing hate!

Thank you for telling me what I already know. Thank you for letting me know what Memorial Day is all about because God knows, the stupid people who read your wall were not too sure. Thank you for telling me how stupid Democrats are and how intelligent Republicans are? Because again, God knows I don’t know this stuff and I need YOU to make your ego feel good and yes, that’s all it is, YOU on an EGO trip.

I need a break because the more time I spend in the virtual world the less I feel like a human being,and the more anger fills my soul. I knew I didn’t need this world to invade my world and turn me against the world. Yeah, I know, that makes no sense. But hey, nobody sees me as having sense anyway, so enjoy your life. Enjoy the mask-wearing ego-tripping person that you are and leave me to my God. Oh was that name calling? My apologies. You the people have done this and I THANK YOU! For showing me who you truly are and who I will never be in my lifetime.

Oh, and God forgive me. Oh, that’s right, I know you will, thanks. 

May God Bless Everyone! Yup, Muslims too! 

Friday, May 13, 2016

May Fever and a Blessed Day

Job 3:6 “As for that night, let darkness seize upon it; let it not be joined unto the days of the year, let it not come into the number of the months.”

Did you miss me? I didn’t think so. 

Well, last week I caught May fever and wrote posts for five days in a row cornering me into an ‘I need a break’ phase. The weather has been a pleasant 60ish to 70ish, not the unbearable 80ish I, and my body, so detest. We’ve had plenty of rain that is keeping the roads nice and muddy and the grass long and lanky one day after a mowing. 

The farming season has begun with the trucks barreling down the road, tillers tilling the fields, and the ever sneezy atmosphere of the fertilizer sprays. Did I mention the tree pollen and my neighbors' twelve-inch grass blowing in the wind? Please don’t say, “Do the neighborly thing and mow it for her,” she has a working riding mower and only mows the property that she lives in not the property (trailer) she rents and keeps as a dog house. Ahh, the life in the country that I would not trade for the world!

Today marks our one-year wedding anniversary and yes, we made it a whole year, coupled with the thirteen years that we dated. We might go out to lunch and then take in an afternoon movie. No, I will not be seeing a Marvel movie, hopefully. Somewhere I matured and am so not into superheroes. (minus my Christian Bale Batman excitement). They just wear too thin in the CGI category and no real plot to the story with hot nobodies turned into superwomen somehow. I roll my eyes half the time frustrating the man beside me who grew up a comic book fan and has to see every Marvel movie ever made!

I won’t be doing my much-loved gardening this year since I don’t have a tiller, can’t do the garden work because of my back problems, so I’m just going to let what flowers come up, appear and tend to them upon arrival.

Today is Friday the Thirteenth and while many think this is a bad luck day, I see it as a GOOD numbered day since this is the day we wed one year ago, and it is our thirteenth year of being together. I don’t believe in luck but if there is such a thing, thirteen would be my lucky number! 

Minus the 35 MPH sustained winds, all in all, it was a good day. We went to lunch at the China Buffet and had a delicious very filling meal where we came home afterward to sit and feel bloated. This little woman fills up after two plates and dessert. We stopped at a nursery on the way home and bought some Salvia for my garden. They are hardy perennials that I know will return year after year.

We wobbled home and began watching a movie called Failure to Launch, a clean, funny, romantic comedy that had me in stitches! It starred Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker. I LOVE Matthew and have only heard of Jessica; never really seen her in anything before.  Instead of spending $40 that it would take to go to a theater we saved our money and bought plants instead.

By serendipity, the weeks end happened. I say serendipity because hubby was going to ask for the two days off but when he received his schedule, his boss already had him off for two days, today and tomorrow too. See? Friday the 13th is a GOOD day! We made it an entire year! Woohoo! Okay, after spending thirteen years together I thought that was funny. 

I’ve got great friends who all gave me well wishes and it turned out to be a blessed day. Now onto another movie… You’ve Got Mail! And a full moon tonight…… *twilight zone music plays*

God Bless!

Job 41:17 “They are joined one to another, they stick together, that they cannot be sundered.”

Sunday, May 08, 2016

Poetry Sunday ~ Mother's Day

Ex. 20:12 “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”


The Christ child had a mother
Just the same as you and me.
Favored, Mary was full of Grace
The Lord is now with thee.

We all had the best mothers
To each his own be true.
Admit that Jesus had the one
That gave her Son to you. 

A mother’s seen as perfect
As we all think she should be.
Humbled, Mary’s full of Grace
Our Lord is now with thee.

A sacrificial love endures
The house becomes a home.
With mother's gentle guidance
She frees her child to roam. 

Footprints left in space and time
A mother's eternal bond
Mother Mary who’s full of grace
With love from here and beyond.

Luke 1:28-31 (KJV)
28 And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women.
29 And when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and cast in her mind what manner of salutation this should be.
30 And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favour with God.
31 And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name Jesus.

Saturday, May 07, 2016

Quotation Saturday ~ Happy Mother's Day

Exodus 20:12 “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”


“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.” 
― Washington Irving

“In a child's eyes, a mother is a goddess. She can be glorious or terrible, benevolent or filled with wrath, but she commands love either way. I am convinced that this is the greatest power in the universe.” 
― N.K. Jemisin

“My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her.” 
― George Washington

“Perhaps it takes courage to raise children..” 
― John Steinbeck

“I like it when my mother smiles. And I especially like it when I make her smile.” 
― Adriana Trigiani

“The greatest heroes in life are those that never give up on someone. They stick it out and make it work. They sacrifice things in their life, in order to help others grow. They give up what they want because someone needs it more. They work hard and overcome adversity. They fail for a moment but get back up on their feet to show others they don’t have to stay down. They show their loved ones that love is not “proved” by conformity. They teach others that having a voice is a sign of courage, and they will not stay silent to make people feel comfortable. They are fearless and will do whatever it takes to bring about the greatness in the ones they love because doing so brings them peace. Their name is---MOM.” 
― Shannon L. Alder

“Without you, there would be no me. 
I am everything reflected in your eyes. 
I am everything approved by your smile. 
I am everything born of your guidance. 
I am me only because of you.” 
― Richelle E. Goodrich

“You can't love your mother or father if you don't also have the capacity to grieve their deaths and, perhaps even more so, grieve parts of their lives.” 
― Glenn Beck

“Babies of around one-year-old are often active by day and wake frequently at night, for no obvious reason. Then a mother can feel desperate for sleep yet equally desperate to comfort her baby when he needs her at night. I have spoken to many mothers who have sacrificed their own sleep, waking up numerous times every night because their babies cried for them. It seems terrible that these hardworking women think of themselves as failures as a result. Surely a mother who has chosen to sacrifice her sleep deserves respect and admiration for her generous mothering.” 
― Naomi Stadlen, What Mothers Do: especially when it looks like nothing

“Think of your mother and smile for all of the good precious moments.” 
― Ana Monnar

“You loved me before seeing me;

You love me in all my mistakes;

You will love me for what I am.” 
― Luffina Lourduraj

“Every family is a ghost story....But behind all your stories is always your mother's story because hers is where yours begins.” 
― Mitch Albom, 

“My mother wasn’t perfect by any means but she stayed married for 60 years and endured raising six kids through tough trying times, never bailing on us. Did she love one child more than the other? My siblings all thought so but maybe after having children of their own they realize, you love each child because it is a part of you that birthed them. You love them ALL.”
~ Joni 

a pic of my mother on Easter 2016
she is 79 years young
and smiling!
<3 heaven="" in="" meet="" p="" until="" we="">

Friday, May 06, 2016

MTOC ~ Day Five Finale

Acts 18:9-11 “Then spake the Lord to Paul in the night by a vision, Be not afraid, but speak, and hold not thy peace: For I am with thee, and no man shall set on thee to hurt thee: for I have much people in this city. And he continued there a year and six months, teaching the word of God among them.”

Sometimes the truth hurts. 

It is pretty sad to watch the nation go down the tubes but it is also pretty sad to watch mankind take everything they read at face value. Remember, if they read it on the internet it MUST be true, right? 

This week I lay open MY truth, the truth of MY life and why I am who I am and just who it is you judge. Some people call me a God freak and they’d be right. I am inebriated on God. I am drowning in the love and peace of God. 

I see a nation before me who has kicked God to the curb, tossed Him out like yesterday’s news but funny thing is, man clings like a wet napkin to yesterday’s news more than they ever clung to God. 

People put more energy in their government than they ever put into God, maybe that is why the social media is lit like Times Square on New Years Eve with political memes bashing politicians, passing laws, hatred for practically everyone and everything and not giving a second thought to God the creator of this mess we call Earth.

Many people out there believe God is the creator but there are more that don’t understand how He can let this earth go to hell. You only see the bad, pick out the portions of the bible that scare you and go from there attacking anything religious in nature.

If someone posts a scripture you assume they are God freaks, if they post pictures of Angel’s you assume they are worshipping false idols. If someone posts an Obama picture you call them Libtards and if someone posts a picture of Donald Trump looking like Hitler you attack their insensitivity to humans killed by Hitler. Do you see the pattern?

The world is consumed with attacking one another for any and every single thing! It began when satan didn’t like the idea of God ruling the world and so he began attacking harshly then went on to rape (literally and figuratively) more discreetly pulling the human race into his web of deceit. 

Man is supposed to be the one on top of the food chain but seriously I see animals with more respect for their fellow species! I can see why people think that Christianity is full of hypocrisy. Native Americans had to watch the ‘religious man’ take over their land. They then became the first people discriminated against and the white man has been pushing the discriminatory agenda for centuries!

My parents grew up in an era where the black man was the low man on the totem pole. I grew up in an era where all I wanted to do was GIVE PEACE A CHANCE; morally, spiritually or ethically. Peace is a state of mind and I don’t feel that religiously peace is possible or what man wants. This era is one to shun ANYONE or ANYTHING that is different from what YOU believe in all because “the Bible says THIS” or “the Bible says THAT.” Without dissecting the bible to fit your agenda, can you say that the bible taught you to hate?

Don’t hate me for saying this but I personally feel that the many different religions are what is destroying the world. My God did not intend for the world to be full of hate. He didn’t send His Son to give a message of hate but of love and unity and we have distorted the Word from every angle we possibly can. That my friends is not God’s doing.

Yes, I am a God freak, not a religious nut. I accepted the Holy Spirit (yes, SPIRIT) to guide me in a life of love. Love my enemy as I love myself. To love my sister and brothers (yes, I still love my siblings) as God would have wanted me to in turning the other cheek. Live it! Be one with love and you will feel the peace I’ve been writing about all week. Wake up people, GIVE PEACE A CHANCE!

My testimony of Christ stands to say that *I* found God my way with all that He intended for MY life and now it is your CHOICE to choose a spiritual path or an angry riddled trail filled with gravel to hinder every barefoot step you take. I hope you’ve enjoyed my testimony and if you haven’t I have enjoyed writing and feeling an emotional healing taking place. Just so you know, I would NOT want to go back and change one single thing in my life, it made me who I am today. 

May the Grace of God be with you all!

Phil. 4:9 “Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.”

Col. 1:20 “And, having made peace through the blood of his cross, by him to reconcile all things unto himself; by him, I say, whether they be things in earth, or things in heaven.”

Rev. 6:4 “And there went out another horse that was red: and power was given to him that sat thereon to take peace from the earth, and that they should kill one another: and there was given unto him a great sword.”

Thursday, May 05, 2016

MTOC ~ Day Four: Mysteries of God

Philippians 3:13-14 (NIV)
One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

I should be dead right now. When I was three-years-old my brother and sister were pushing me on a swing when my cries to stop pushing me higher didn’t get them to stop, they continued until I jumped off the swing and flew toward the wire fence, catching my wrist and slicing it like a thanksgiving day turkey. I have the stitches to prove it. I should be dead but I lived.

You’d think that by doing all the drugs I did as a child LSD, PCP, the enormous amount of marijuana, and not to mention my overdose on alcohol would have killed me, but here I am, alive to tell about it. People like me should be dead but here’s the thing, I think God had a plan. I know many of you don’t believe in God, you don’t believe in something greater than yourself and you know why? Because you’re selfish, you think of you. I didn’t mean that to be judgmental, I meant it as an observance on MY healing.

I was not one consumed with myself, I put others before me. Sure I was a bad kid but I always thought of the other people before I thought of healing myself. I turned to God because I had heard he was a great healer and after the loss of my firstborn child (at sixteen) to stillbirth, The Holy Spirit consumed me and helped me during my grief and stayed with me to this day.

When you care for other people, which means you love, you can’t have love in you without God being in you because God IS love. Some people see it that way while others just see love as an emotion. Many religions and spiritual faiths revolve around love. Love is the center and the God of their faith, period.

As dysfunctional as my upbringing was, I never knew what Meth was or heroine, and I NEVER stuck a needle in my arm; in some form, that was my saving grace. At twenty-one years old as I started down the path of change, I watched many ‘friends’ die by making the wrong choice in life. Whether it was by an overdose, a shooting, jail, or trying to reform, death was surrounding me but yet I was alive and breaking free. I didn’t see it as scientific, I know it wasn’t ‘luck’, I never believed in coincidence, the one thing that was left was GOD. God saved me and HE guided me. 

My twenty-year marriage wasn’t ALL that bad as I seem to paint it, we had some pretty good years and the birth of a living son. It was toward the end when we started growing apart instead of growing together. I saw a future in writing. I was witnessing my growth and seeing the impact that God was having on my life. I saw my growth and healing and my ex didn’t want to grow and change for the better, he just wanted to control and obsess. 

So I wound up in Texas after giving up all of my earthly possessions. My husband gave me two weeks to get out of ‘his’ house. I took my son and saw a brighter future for him than the Baltimore streets would have ever allowed.

I had met a stranger online and for ten months we got to know one another on a spiritual level. He wasn’t a George Clooney prince coming to save me, he was more of a John Cusack silent knight in shining armor coming to my emotional rescue. My husband knew he had lost the battle to control me so he let me go and feigned defeat. 

The night before I left, Steven and I went to my sister’s for dinner and to say our goodbyes to the kids. No one showed up except my mother. My sister and I left on bitter terms because I had sat a rock on her precious oak table. I told her my Rock was the reason I had the strength to follow on a path that will lead me away. To this day, I still have the rock, the physical one AND the Spiritual Rock! 

Alone in Texas, I had to redefine myself; learn to love this stranger on what was now a physical level. It didn’t happen immediately and we had to grow to be better people and as a team WE chose God and the church (or did God choose us?) My son, Steven and I all grew together to become one family, united. Again, it was not luck, not science, no coincidence involved, it was something greater and more spiritual that drove us. 

Six growing years in Texas for me when we found a fork in the road called blindness. We had to move to Nebraska and surround ourselves with his family who could empower us to get through a very troubled time. His family is one that had God in their lives instilled early on by grandparents. The light of their ancestry shone round about us as we embarked on this journey. On April 26th, my deceased daughter Astri’s birthday, we sailed (or I drove) off to the safe haven of the Midwest.

Strength washed over us, the Church was our anchor and his family was the boat that drifted us into a safe harbor. Miraculously his sight was restored two and a half years later, prayers were answered and as we anchored ourselves to the shore, six years after we arrived in Nebraska we were united in marriage surrounded by my son and his mother. 

The mysteries of God is there for everyone to behold but again we live in a world where everyone but a few are consumed with themselves; what they can get out of the world, what the world owes them and who is to blame for nothing happening the way they planned. The Mysteries of God are unraveling before me, and the only way for me to relay the story is to fulfill my purpose and my dream and that is to WRITE. 

God Bless you ALL!

Ecc. 3:1 “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:” 

Wednesday, May 04, 2016

MTOC ~ Day Three ~ Choice

“When faced with senseless drama, spiteful criticism, misguided opinions, walking away is the best way to stand up for yourself. To respond with anger is an endorsement of their attitude.” ~ Dodinsky

I have laid my past to rest and crawled out of the darkened pit with my fingernails intact as well as my dignity. While I could have lashed out at my sister for her insensitive ignorant remarks toward me, my son and my husband, I CHOSE the higher road and continue on with my life that I have built for myself. Not with the help of any blood family members who remain anchors that weigh me down. I now look to my Spiritual family to lift me up on a daily basis. 

We ALL have a choice and while some will cling to the bitterness that shapes their life, I CHOOSE not to allow anger and bitterness to define who I am now. THAT my friends is God in me. It isn’t any scientific psychological mumbo jumbo, nope it’s that God mumbo jumbo that I keep telling people about. 

I have a friend who over reacted to something she had seen. Apparently Kirk Cameron is doing a tour giving HIS testimony of Christ. While he has the star quality that I don’t have, his words are going to be faced with pretty much the same criticism I’m faced with in my testimony. Us God people are just freaks of nature. I along with millions, and possibly billions are all wrong and all freaks of this ‘God’ we speak of. 

What did Kirk Cameron say that ticked my friend off? 

He said, "Wives are to honor and respect and follow their husband's lead, not to tell their husband how he ought to be a better husband," he says. "When each person gets their part right, regardless of how their spouse is treating them, there is hope for real change in their marriage."

She raged on, (I won’t share her entire post for privacy reasons) but this is some of what she said:

“If this is what being Christian means, then I don't want any part of it.” 

What she said, loosely, is that she heard Cameron say that women are to be servant slaves to their husband. His sister Candace said that she agreed with Kirk and is submissive to HER husband but what my friend missed was the CHOICE of the entire message. I think she missed the point that we, men AND women, are to love, honor, respect and cherish one another. Not be slaves but to honor one another.

I don’t judge her for her opinion on the matter because it is what I see as a national problem with the message that Jesus was trying to convey. People mix the Old Testament with the New Testament and make confetti of the words and dish out what suits them. They dissect the word to fit into their little world, they use the words like wet clay and try to form those words into a belief system that suits or doesn’t suit them. To ME, it looks like they’ve made an ashtray out of the Word of God.

They try going to church but again, they’re met with confetti and don’t understand what is being said. They’re looked over, gawked at and made to feel like an outsider so they flee from the church never to return. They hear people TALK about the Word of God but for some reason, they don’t SEE the word of God working in people. Is that because the Bible bearers ACTIONS are not equal to what they are saying? 

It’s a fine line sure, but also, it is a matter of CHOICE. When you look at the starry sky at night lit up like diamonds scattered on a sunny beach do you see a disorderly array of stars or do you see things like Cassiopeia, Orion or the Pleiades hiding within the astrological signs? This is the same thing when people hear the Word of God or people speak of the word of God. Others hear a disorganized message or they hear a divinely orchestrated message hidden in there. 

Last year when my dad passed away, I couldn’t make it back home and it gripped me for months, the guilt, the hurt, the suffering pangs I felt. My sister in her obvious dislike for me (I’m not going to pretend otherwise) had said, “Well YOU made the choice to leave here!” I rightfully said, “Yes, yes I did, I chose LIFE over death.”

I had suffered back home and nearly lost my life on more occasions than one, so leaving my husband WAS a choice of mine, a CHOICE of survival. Those people enslaved me and kept me bound by their misfit whims of dysfunction and I just assumed that that is how life was supposed to be. I prayed often for deliverance from the hell I was entombed in. 

It wasn’t until I found freedom in the land of Texas was I able to see the outside world and after months of suffering anxiety attacks nightly, running off hyperventilating on the dark streets of Texas, I slowly got a grip on what reality looked like. My years and years of prayers were finally answered; I was free from enslavement. 

God put me on a path and only because my choice was Him did my world start to turn around and I saw the light of day. When I tell people of Christ, it isn’t from a high and mighty pedestal, it isn’t from a wealthy sculpted upbringing, it isn’t from being shaped by a defective family, no, it is from a woman who CHOSE God over living to the conformity of man. Yes, the same men who wrote the Holy Bible, Old and New Testaments. 

I live for the mysteries of God. You’re right people, the Bible is a bunch  of words, supposedly the divine intervention of God Himself, but it isn’t until you CHOOSE the Holy Spirit to live IN you will you ever grasp the meaning of one word or message from the Holy Bible. 

Acts 15:7 “And when there had been much disputing, Peter rose up, and said unto them, Men and brethren, ye know how that a good while ago God made choice among us, that the Gentiles by my mouth should hear the word of the gospel, and believe.”

Tuesday, May 03, 2016

MTOC ~ Day Two: Laid To Rest

Job 22:29 “When men are cast down, then thou shalt say, There is lifting up; and he shall save the humble person.”

My Testimony of Christ

Okay, where was I? Read yesterday’s post.

My mother and sister had a disagreement this weekend and in dysfunctional familyesque form, my sister told my mother that she died when I was born. Mind you, my sister was three years old when I came along. I was the sixth child to be born and better yet, I was born on my mother’s birthday. I ruined my sister’s life by being born and paid for the anarchy that ensued in the following years.

My sister felt slighted from that day forward. She was no longer daddy’s little princess because this new baby came along with a shining smile and stole all of her limelight. I guess I was THAT cute from birth. That was sarcasm. 

I’m not here to tell my sister’s story. But I will say that when my mother told me what my sister said it hurt; another wound on my skin, another scar to add to the fold. I was angry, enraged, bitter and wanted to go on facebook and announce to the world that my sister was a total piece of …

I stopped, “Dear God help me!” It’s all I could do to calm down. I said yesterday how He took me in and saved me, so in my times of distress that is all I know to do, turn to Him. I sat and prayed and as I did memories came flooding back; memories I would have rather laid to rest but they resurface anytime my sister takes out her sword and stabs me with her jealous needles.

I have a friend who told me once, “You have to put the past behind you and leave your blood family behind. We’re your family now, your spiritual family!” No truer words were ever spoken. My family doesn’t know me anymore, I’m the kid (I was thirty-seven) who left home and left them to pick up the pieces of the family puzzle that I left lying on the floor. 

A twenty-year marriage shattered because I listened to God; not to the family or husband who wanted me bound to their whim. I catered to them and weaved them together so that we formed some form of semblance of a family but when I left, with two-weeks notice, the puzzle burnt in a flame of fire. No one spoke to me, no one reached out to see if their little sister who went almost fifteen-hundred miles away with a total stranger was okay. They were glad to be rid of me finally so they could get the attention they didn’t receive in their lives because of this baby who ruined life for them. 

They were then mad; mad because the family was left in pieces without me. They resented the fact that I was going on with my life, never to see them again. I tried the phone calls, I tried with blistered fingers to stay in touch but the calls became farther and fewer in between. I was now bitter with my family but on a road of healing. 

All of those years I was blind to the way I was treated. Not by my mother and father who yes, treated me with the utmost respect and loved my son and showered him and me in love. My brothers and sister didn’t receive that love. When my father was sick, he’d call my husband in the middle of the night for a ride to the hospital, we jumped. We took my mother food shopping weekly, we took care of her house when she went away, we respected one another and THAT is all that I miss now. I can’t say I miss my siblings because I have a lifetime of resentment built up inside of me of abuse: physically, sexually and mentally. 

Why am I telling you this when some things should remain private? I have to heal and God wants me to release this story to the world. Had I not found God, on my own mind you, had I just stayed in the dysfunctional life I was living and breathing, I would not be a writer, I would not have watched my son graduate high school, I would have never found a family that knows what love truly is.

I was a stone cold alcoholic by the age of sixteen, married at seventeen, and on a road of struggling to survive this thing we call life. At twenty-one, I found myself needing sobriety to continue living. As you can imagine going alone, I had only one resource and that was the very being who had been beside me all of my life guiding me.  

I took on a new role, I became a spiritual light for all who came in contact with me. As you can imagine this newly changed person was even LESS accepted by a dysfunctional family let alone the messed up world. I was illuminated by His Word and carried the torch out into the troubled world wherever I went.

I thanked God daily for my struggles, for my suffering because I knew through every step I was finding a place of healing for ME. God had handed me a flashlight to carry into the darkest of caverns in my life. The batteries never ran out as long as I kept my focus on God and the Light he instilled in me to carry.

The very core of my spirit was strengthened. I was clawing my way through skin and bones to find healing. You might say I was alone; no sugar-daddy to pay my way through the gravel, no medical intervention to drug me up and save me, I had nothing but God. Nothing, no one, just God and me on the journey!

Why did God reach down and save me from the pit I was obviously in; abuse, depression, anxiety, alcoholism and drug addiction? Why did He choose me to be a light to others who might be struggling with their path that is full of darkness? I often ask why but inside I know why. This world is covered in utter darkness and He needs people like me, just as Jesus needed the downtrodden of society to get His message across, God chose me because I am a humble servant giving all Glory to Him!

I have lain my past to rest. To be continued…

Matt. 11:29 “Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.”

Monday, May 02, 2016

My Testimony of Christ

1 Cor. 15:51 “Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed,”

I am being called to give a Testimony of Christ; MY testimony of Christ. This might very well turn into a week-long series so you’ve been warned. If you are reading me for the first time, I welcome you. Please don’t be discouraged by the word Christ, read on because you want to hear my story. 

Yesterday’s sermon was pretty good when Pastor called up a young woman to give her testimony of why she turned to Christ. That’s when truth slapped me upside the head. I hear so many people who give testimony of Christ, being raised with Christ all of their lives. Their parents and grandparents all had a hand in Christ and relayed Him to their children. This woman’s testimony was no different.

Amazing. People actually grew up with Christ in their lives? Surrounded by a loving family, their testimony is usually how they turned away, usually during the pubescent years and found Christ again.

Someone had told me recently that kids who are raised with Christ and turn away usually have a hard time returning to Him and accepting all that he has to offer. I have a tendency to disagree with that because if a child is raised with Christ and is turned away upon maturity, the soul search is just something that we need to do to find our grounding. 

I was not raised with Christ. My parents were not grounded in Christ nor were my grandparents a part of Christ. My family lineage is of alcohol right down to my great grandparents, all alcoholics, so it is no wonder I took my first drink at a younger than ‘normal’ age. Yeah, I would say eight and nine is younger than normal to take your first drink, puff your first cigarette, and smoke your first joint.

The pastor said something today. Pastor said, “You know how when you’re not of sober mind, you’ll say and do things that you normally wouldn’t do? People see you as a drunkard and no amount of bible spewing is going to have them seeing you differently.” He went on, “Well,” he said, “That’s what people see when you’re under the influence of God. They see Christ in you. You’ll say and do things you wouldn’t normally do!” 

He’s right. First, let me define Christian in MY eyes. For one, the term was not around in the Old Testament so when I hear people say that the men who wrote some book and call themselves Christians, I’ll assume have not read ‘the book’ in its entirety or even tried to understand what the message is that we’re supposed to receive.

Second of all, I was not raised in a Christian household. I didn’t have a mother and father that sat around reading Bible stories to their kids and I didn’t have a religious upbringing. I had what is deemed a politically correct term, dysfunctional family. I had a family who saw beer as a dinner meal, drugs as ‘cool thing’, whoopings when you were disobedient, and punishments were belted out, vocally and branded on your butt. 

My dad (God rest his soul) never dished out the beatings, he was too busy sitting on a bar stool exercising his elbow. I will not say anything bad about my mother and father because they did the best they could raising six kids and staying married for 60 years. That’s it, we were raised. We fended for ourselves and grew. Me? I chose to find God. You see, all six of us were sent to a Catholic school but not all of us sought out God. Many strayed but it wasn’t because we were raised on God and turned, we never accepted the teachings of the nuns and priests to begin with.

Was I a perfect kid? By no means whatsoever. The thing is, the people who know me now would not have ever recognized me back then with skinned knees, bruised legs, a cigarette hanging out of my mouth and beer hidden in a paper bag, you know so no one knew what I was drinking? I was bad in every sense of the word! I was a liar, cheater, stealer, and a scummy sleazeball! If you think the girls today dress slutty, that is me only ten times worse. Imagine a size zero fifteen-year-old, long blond flowing hair, wearing a see-through white halter-top and cheek bearing hot pants. Yup, that was me.

So how is it that people who see me now see a beautiful woman? They don’t see beauty physically, I don’t think, they see innocence, purity, God’s light shining through me. They see the changed me. They met the changed me and liked who I was as a person whereas the people back home in Baltimore never had a chance to even get to KNOW the changed me. They just thought I was the battered kid from back in the day and that is who I am now. Boy, are they ever so wrong. Change bit me hard and now I just have the scars to prove where I’ve been

So what changed me? I’ll tell you, God changed me. I stumbled upon Him as a beaten battered sinner and He took me in and raised me. If you go to a church, don’t assume the people there are these perfect people living sinless lives. They’re all standing in front of God as a sinner, we are all sinners, we turn to God for him to cleanse us; wash us of our sin and to heal us where no man is capable of healing. The term Christian is for Christ Followers. It is not a religion, it is not to be thrown around like a basketball dribbled and put in the hoop when the timing is right. Christianity is a state of mind, a spiritual cleansing making what was old new again.

I’ll have to finish this up in a later post. I told you it would take me a week. Hang in there folks. My sister told my mother this weekend in a disagreement that she [my sister] died when I was born. She was no longer a princess…..