Beauty in the dark. Concordia, Kansas
1 Sam. 22:23 “Abide thou with me, fear not: for he that seeketh my life seeketh thy life: but with me thou shalt be in safeguard.”
Fear Tactics Used
From day one, January 25 was riddled in fear tactics. Now I'd like the doctors to know what it felt like rushing me from one test to the other in tears, telling me I have a dreaded disease but, ‘we’ll be with you all the way,’ is all they offered and I haven’t seen one of them since the 25th of January.
Couldn’t the doctor have sent me straight for the biopsy? Why did I need a mammogram, CT scan, blood test AND a biopsy to confirm my diagnosis, all in one day? I’ll tell you why, to elicit fear. The BC doctor used fear the very first day by forcing me into a whirlwind of tests in my confused weakened state. I was told I had a dreaded disease then shuffled around like meat in a slaughterhouse.
That was their tactic from the get-go and it became obvious with the onc. #1 visit. She was full of the words you need to instill fear. Onc. #2 was an intimidating, overbearing older man and he knew what he was doing too. Instill fear in this little lady and she’ll be eating out of the palms of our hands like the fragile bird that she is. When onc. #2 called onc. #1 autistic, I knew something was wrong with these people’s minds. Name calling, really?
What they weren’t counting on was this fragile looking flower being one of the strongest people they more than likely will ever meet! The people they meet are scared and rightly so, they have been told all of their life that this illness will kill and maim them, so we’re going to poison your system and it will make you all better. Oh no wait, they don’t use the word poison. They use words like life or death. This will cure you. You’ll live.
I still can’t figure that one out how poison cures. How can poisoning your body heal you? When you ask about the poison, they colorize the version. Like going from black and white to rainbows. When you question the poison and the damage it causes, they stumble to search for the right words to hook you. There’ll be no damage, your body will heal and repair from the toxins. Did you know that one spill of the juice, that is marked with skull and crossbones, can kill the administering person of the toxins? This is what they want to put in your veins, people!
When you suggest alternate routes they are adamant that this is a life and death situation and you need this poison! Even though later in life after you’re ‘healed’ you’ll be hit with Alzheimer’s, bronchitis, emphysema, you name it, a host of illnesses await you after the chemo route. You have no immune system to fight at this point.
You know, I haven’t cried since I saw onc. #2. There is a pattern to my days of crying. The BC doctor visit, the onc. #1 visit, and the onc. #2 visit. Hmm, interesting. Why did they instill so much fear that I left in tears and WANTING to die? Don’t worry folks, I rebounded with a good nights sleep each time and woke rejuvenated in the hands of the Lord WANTING to live.
When I tell the doctors that I want to do this or that, they shrug it off and say no, no, no, you need US! You need chemotherapy and that is the only thing you need to get through this. I’ve read, witnessed, saw too much to take their word for it so thus I began my research.
And here I am, feeling the best I’ve ever felt, twelve pounds lighter (unintentional, mind you) from healthier eating! I’m putting my mind at peace, my body is responding and there is a healing going on, on so many levels. I want to go back in a year, two years, five years and say to the doctors, here I am, still!
Healing my mind, body, and soul, one step at a time. Now many who know me, knows I haven’t spoken to anyone in my family (besides my mother), since 2015 when my dad passed away. Not because of animosity, it's just that’s the way we are, we go our own way, and we’re fine with it. Well this weekend was my sisters’ birthday and I called her, kind of shocked her but it was like we had been speaking all these years. We still love each other and that's all that matters.
I feel like I need to let them know I love them, whether they care for me or not, I care for them. The next step will be calling my brother and asking to do a Skype chat with my mother. That will really excite her to SEE me! She is not tech savvy and the tablet my brother bought her to use just sits in a wasteland.
Tomorrow marks seven weeks since the diagnosis. I’m still on my no sugar diet, and my target each day is zero carbs, but the most I get in an entire day is maybe five. I’ve allowed to my healing diet free-range vegetarian fed chickens eggs, two to be exact, for breakfast. The first two weeks were JUST veggies, and now I allow fruit and only the alkaline fruit that I NEED to beat this worm that has taken up residence in my body.
I am up to about fourteen supplements a day. As some may worry that these supplements might be toxic to my system, please understand, your prescribed drugs are more toxic than any God-given vitamin and herb and yes, four doctors are aware of what I’m using. You know what the doc’s say about the supplements I’m using? That I won’t need them if I go the healing-by-chemo-poison-my-system route because chemo heals everything! What they don’t add is what chemo KILLS! There are zero deaths from turmeric, vit. C, vit. D and such.
The supplements I use are not the mass manufactured at WalMart brand, I seek out the purest of vitamins and supplements and if you’re buying a supplement to aid in your healing, if it is mass produced you can pretty much be sure they have the toxic –oxides, colors, dyes and preservatives that are of no help to your healing of whatever it is you’re taking supplements for. Read the labels!!!
I think what I’ve unintentionally done is put the shoe on the other foot, so to speak. When I tell the doc’s I’m going it alone, they are gripped with fear because they know no other healing than what they’ve been taught scientifically. They don’t know the power of the Lord, the powerful healing that goes along with prayer, they cannot comprehend giving your life up for what they deem a fantasy man.
I live every day to wake up, breathe in the air, feel the warmth of the sunshine on my face and walk the path of healing. Do you honestly think that is what doctors and scientists do? Most people just wake to face another daunting day, to work, eat and sleep. They miss all of the powerful elements of beauty, prayer, spiritual and physical healing in between. They basically live to die, I LIVE to LIVE! Alleluia Amen!
2 Peter 1:5-8 KJV “And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity. For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”