Thought-filled Thursday

Matt. 6:1 Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.
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Today I have a trillion things on my mind. Did I say trillion, yeah that’s the new figure the Prez is throwing out so I thought I’d use it too instead of saying a million. It makes it sound like so much more than a mil, eh?

First on my list are thoughts of why I write. I’ll have to elaborate on another post as to the WHY part. Second is that my feelings got hurt last night by my father and when it is your father, you can’t wake up and the feeling be gone.

You see, my family has never been supportive of me as a writer. If I’m not making a million dollars and sharing it all with them, then this journey is a worthless mission. And they pretty much let me know it.

If I say, I published a poem, my dad replies, “How much did ya get paid for it?” I say, “Well, they published it on the net and I get exposure and a contributors copy of their magazine.” He grumbles, “Well that’s not gonna feed ya.”

Does he even know that my writing DOES feed me? If I didn’t write, I would wither away into nothingness. I wouldn’t exist anymore. It is the very essence of my being that this thing called “writing” feeds.

People always ask writer’s what they get paid. If you’re not getting paid then their eyes roll into the backs of their head, and they look at you like you’ve lost your marbles. I remember last year when we were in a ‘Government agency’, I had told the lady I was homeschooling my son, I was a stay at home mom, and a writer. Her words? “Well you need to get a real job.”

Writing isn’t a job? Unless you get paid? How many authors out there are writing to fulfill a dream, trying so hard in life to actually become something, only to be discouraged by family? Aren’t they the ones who are supposed to stand by you and lift you up?

Oh I get it, they’re afraid I’ll get so down-on-my-luck that I’ll need to crawl to them for,dare I say the word, money! I’ve never asked my family or anyone for that matter for money. If they give it to me, it is because, I thought, they wanted to be a caring and compassionate person so they feel right with God, with their soul. Boy was I wrong, they do it so they can feel good about themselves and then say, “Hey God, I helped them, can you let me in now?”

It is a rare person who reaches out to you in your time of need, with no ulterior motive other than a compassionate heart. I realized the hard way, that my family isn’t the compassionate, loving creatures that God created. If they read this, they would become so defensive as to cover their BUTTS, and would, in their nature, make me feel ashamed, discouraged and belittled AGAIN!

I want to thank MY TRUE FRIENDS, who actually only know me through a screen, who gets me for all that I am., they love and care, they’re real people who lift me up.

And to the only family that I have, Steven, Adam and the rest of Steven’s family. They’re REAL people!

godspeed...