Friday, September 30, 2011

I'm Done...I Move on...

I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him. ~Booker T. Washington
Well I’m done with it all. I’m done being attacked, spit on on, trashed and made to feel like an incompetent piece of crap. I am, and I know it, a much better person than that, and I, like all of you, deserve respect. We live in such a hateful world, that I think moving on is best for all involved.

I was raised to sweep everything under the rug. Never confront an issue, keep it all hidden, be pleasant always, therefore pretending, supporting things that you just don’t believe in. Well, when I was sexually assaulted at a young age and my elders did nothing, (swept it under the rug like the good soldiers they themselves were raised to do) Joni developed something new at the ripe old age of fourteen. I gave my life to God and asked HIM to guide me.

Wouldn’t ya know it, He wanted me open and honest? Truthful and trustworthy? He had me forgive my assailant and I did, quickly moving on in life. I found joy in writing because it was a form of releasing all my pains and heartaches, it was my way of dealing with such a sad life that I had gotten myself into.

The recent events had me reliving past events where evil entered into my (or tried to) life and made me feel incompetent. When something is not from God, I have no other name for it. And when it attacks me, it is not from a good solid foundation based on the Lord, that’s for sure.

I confronted the issue while everyone else cowered and climbed in their shell and just wanted it to pass over like a toxic radiation cloud. Can toxic radiation really pass over, without causing any harm? Well I was not about to let it ‘pass over’ me and destroy me, instead I opened the door of ‘communication’ so the problem could be resolved.

Again I was attacked, again I was the bad guy, but all in all, I’m good because now I see this person(s) for who they really are. They play the pity card well, they have all their ducks in a row and are happy and content with that and I wish them nothing but godspeed.

I am not a bitter person, I don’t hold grudges and allow them to cling like leaves to wet pavement. My best bet is to move on, be done with it all and find a new place. I don’t like being judged, and won’t allow the torture that my psyche has had to endure. I am moving on to save myself.

I am an adult, I at least expect my elders to act like adults. When I find that they really can’t...then I move on.

Love and hugs to all who have supported me and comforted me. Those who KNEW what *I* went through and were there for me, I thank you. May you all have a blessed day.

Next up: Quotation Saturday.... godspeed...

The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less. ~Eldridge Cleaver, Soul on Ice, 1968

I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

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