Cancer: NOT a Death Sentence

James 5:16 “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”

Not a Death Sentence

When I was first diagnosed with this dastardly illness that everyone takes to be a death sentence, I remained calm and wasn’t going to be allowed to be charged by fear. Fear to me was the tactic of you HAVE to do chemotherapy, the kind with a port, or you will DIE! DIE! They tell you!  "You need radiation, we need to cut the crap out of you then we’ll hammer it with chemo, that has been our proven course for years now and we’re sticking to it!" 

I said, “No, give me time to think.”

“Think? You’re gonna die! What is there to think about? Die DIE DIE!” They basically screamed until their voices drifted off to the distance because no one was listening. “We’re losing her. There goes our $350,000 kickback!”

I told my friends I had the Big C and at first, they were sympathetic, and lifted me in prayer, and told me they’d be there as I went through… 'the treatment’. Umm but wait, I’m not doing treatment. Suddenly they started to fall by the wayside like scales of a fish. After they told me I was crazy, didn’t know what I was doing, they knew better, have lost more people from this disease than me, blah blah blah, is all I heard; I smelled the fear in THEM. The disease meant FEAR to them. I DO NOT see it as FEAR! I see it as a time for change and growth. 

Some people are still my friends but no longer what I thought of as close friends, they’re distant friends, no different than Peter, Paul or Mary, they’re there. What I didn’t expect to happen was for new friends to come out of the woodwork. They were on my friends' list but we didn’t converse much, it was those women and men who came forward in prayer and support! Those were the ones when I broke my femur showed they cared by their concern for me. They came out on day one of my diagnosis and stood firm in their support, never to waiver no matter what I decided! THAT is what a friend is!

I showed people the success of others through The Truth About Cancer, and Chris Wark and how people are out here surviving WITHOUT chemotherapy. They went a different HEALTHY route without drugs and some ten and twenty years later, hundreds if not thousands of people still have no signs of the disease. Google either one of the above names, don't just take my word for it. And here I’m laughed and scoffed at because I don’t believe in the conventional route to saving myself? To ME, it’s like those hypocrites who say, “Oh yeah, I’m a Christian.” But when asked by God himself to do the craziest thing you’ve ever heard, they’re like, “Well, I’m not going THAT far. He put drugs and doctors here for a reason.” That’s all well and good for YOU but not for ME. A slap in the face to me AND my faith! 

I showed people what they needed and how to change their diet and some did, for a month or so but they weakened and returned to their old gobbly good ways. ‘I see it, I eat it’ mentality, not caring if it is toxic, poison, or unhealthy. Set in their ways, they do what they want. Hmm… funny, that’s all I want, is to do what *I* want. But for some reason I’m wrong and they're what, sickly, coughing, wheezing, colds, flu, numerous illnesses many times a season? Then there’s me, I just have a disease everyone thinks is deadly. Obesity is deadly, heart disease is deadly, COPD is deadly, but hey, they have a drug to help you out there too. No reason to change up your eating habits, it’s all good. Go conventional, the government wouldn’t lie to YOU now, would it? You’re special, you voted, it’s your team of saving grace. God slides into home and He’s OUT! 

A Death Sentence huh? I felt this lump in 2014 and through hours of painstaking research I found out that it has been in my body festering seven to ten years BEFORE it would ever be discovered. So about 2004 something happened so tragically in my life and body that the cell woke up and started to grow, from a dust mote sized cell to a tumor. In 2017 I was ‘diagnosed’ so when they give me statistics like ‘this could keep you alive for ten and twenty years’, I’ve already been LIVING with it for ten almost twenty years. Statistics are meaningless, TO ME! 

Chemotherapy has saved so many lives but in hindsight, how many has it killed? My trauma was so deep that no, the alternative route was not going to work for me but neither is the chemo that’s killing everybody either. I asked my doctor to let’s work something out. He is complying, I think because in some way he WANTS to know if there are other ways to heal this disease. He knows deep down that there is more to this disease than feeding it drugs for the rest of people's lives and let them die on chemo. My doctor says I'm challenging! I told him, "How else would you grow if I didn't challenge you?"

Just like obesity, heart disease, COPD and a host of other illnesses, there is ANOTHER way besides drugs and all their deadly side effects. The doctor sometimes gives you the clear picture of what is going to happen if you don’t change your diet but here, take this pill in the interim and we’ll get your disease under control. Control not CURED!

I watched a series on Asian medicine this week and how doctors over in Malaysia, Singapore and other places are all dealing with alternative treatments to this disease because they know, the Big C is NOT a death sentence! There is NO one treatment that can treat all of the people the same. Every cancer is different and should be treated as such with each individual patient! The one doctor said that his wish was to see the oncologist, nutritionist, naturopath all sit down together and discuss the individuals' line of treatment. In a perfect world, that is how it would and should be but we’re in a conditioned world trained to do what we’re SCARED into doing. And we’re okay with that, well I’m NOT!

I, like many before me, have given you tools to save yourself. It’s a hard sell as it's free and you only took a bite, you didn’t want to change, you just wanted a taste. Obviously, a healthy life doesn’t taste good TO YOU because you are conditioned to eat meat and potatoes, you’re good. And that’s okay, it’s just not okay for me anymore, I want to save MY life. I don’t want the government to control what toxins they spray on my food, I don’t want them to own a conglomerate of pharmaceuticals to hand out like candy to the people who like candy or the people that never cared for candy. We’re all individual souls! We’re not on the conveyor belt of life.

I’ve given you what I could, now I need to focus on MY healing. Your support means the world to me, to those who’ve stuck around. To those that didn’t stick around all I can do is pray for you. I’ve been an open book, I have not lied nor manipulated, all I did was hand you the truth, or the truth that I know. May you all wander through life seeking the truth within you, and be honest with yourself, don’t sugarcoat it because He knows and sees all He’s just waiting for YOU to admit, your truth. 

God bless you all for letting me into your lives. And thank you for sharing your lives with me. This has been a profound experience and I’m honored to have shared it with you, and continue to share! 

All praise and Glory to God! 

Matt. 9:35-38  "And Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, and preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people. But when he saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion on them, because they fainted, and were scattered abroad, as sheep having no shepherd. Then saith he unto his disciples, The harvest truly is plenteous, but the labourers are few; Pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he will send forth labourers into his harvest."

Winding Down... A Grand Finale

“The one who gets wisdom loves life; the one who cherishes understanding will soon prosper.” Proverbs 19:8 (NIV)

This might be one of those 'must read' posts as I wind down my blog. I've gone on hiatus many times over the years but this one is timely and essential as I need to continue healing. 

It all began back in 2005 when I started this blog, the posts didn't really feel right so I deleted the lame posts from 2005 and 2007. Then in 2008, it took off and I started getting followers and meeting other bloggers, some whom I am still friends with to this day on Facebook. It was a writing blog. A writer helping fellow writers follow their dreams as I too followed my dream of becoming a writer all the while sharing my love of God. 

Some liked that I spoke of God and I'm sure some were turned away by it, but those who liked it became my friends on Facebook, getting to know me on a more personal level. I don't remember the year the transition happened, the blog name went from One Voice, Write Right to Joni's Muse: The Poet Within. I know the transition happened at a time I was being called on every typo, misspelling and faux pas of my writing posts so I no longer felt like a reliable writing source to my fellow writers. It was no big deal, I'm a writer and we need to take criticism but sometimes, people are not gentle in their critique and even unintentionally downright hurt you!

I turned my writing muse to God and all that He's done for me. I didn't strive for grammar perfection, I just wanted to share my life story and all that I've learned over the years. No one could critique my story because it was/IS mine! My life, MY wounds, MY scars that I was sharing! People liked reading my story because I had an edge of reality, a blunt truth that not many people are willing to go into the depths of their soul and share. I shared over the years parts of my past that some would have rather kept buried but I brought it to light. I needed healing in my writing and releasing all the past wounds really helped me to find an inner peace. 

My blood family has no interest in my story. It is not their story but when I'm gone and they look over the truth, I'm sure they'll sit in shock that my story of the dysfunctional life I LIVED, is out there for the world to see. Not that the world reads my blog but many will reread all that they missed. While they [family] are back east living the life of caged emotions I am moving on and healing, not giving their lost love a second thought.

Then something happened in 2017 on the road to discovery, an illness to beat all illnesses wrapped around my body and carried me to a cave where I needed reflection and time to think just what all of this meant. I lost quite a few of what I thought were dear friends because I'm not a conventional gal by any means and they are smothered in conventional life, treatment, diagnosis, and illnesses. They live and breathe conventional where I breathe freely the air of truth that I'm given. I may be on my own with a few dear friends, my spiritual family, that have stayed with me and encourage and believe in the path I've chosen because they know, it wasn't MY choice it was the path that God chose for me. Who is anyone to judge another person's path? Whether right or wrong, it is their path, no one else's.

While I hurt over the abandonment, I see that maybe the ones who left were not really true friends and I've become okay with that. I've been alone most of my life anyway (yes with God by my side) and I'm used to not being the accepted one. Shoot, I didn't get bullied because I was Miss Popular! Then there is this year, the year of uncertainty. I'm healing, I'm moving on but from the outside world I sense fear and doubt that I can't handle on a daily basis. I don't feel many people understand what having an extra sense has caused me throughout my lifetime. People laugh and scoff in disbelief and I'm okay with that too. My own sister used to call it, 'that thing' that Joni has. She knew the extra sense existed but was never sure what to call 'that thing' that I have.

With the advent of change -- via Facebook (snooze, unfollow, and many more) options, Blogspot with their not sending my comments to my email and the ad thing from the European Union? along with not allowing 'followers' anymore, and my hits going from the 50-70 range down to the 10-20 range; everything is changing and I need to change right along with the times, it is calling me to change. 

We're also coming to a dim period of having to put my fourteen-year-old dog to sleep. It's a difficult decision for any family and this will surely keep me in my room crying for a spell. Change is coming on a personal level and a worldwide level whether anyone wants to believe it or not. I'm done listening to people who say memes annoy but then post their own. I'm tired of people not knowing a typo from a grammar mistake. I'm tired of everyone finding fault with everyone else but won't look in the mirror at their own faults. I'm also pained by watching a world silently killing themselves on drugs and toxic eating without a care to LIFE and living and making excuses for why they are the way they are.

I won't be alone. I have a strong faith and belief in God and we'll walk together on this journey and wherever we wind up will be by His grace and His alone. Just know, I AM healing and the journey IS moving right along as God has planned. I may continue to post poetry and pics, but my sharing days are done. I need me time for a bit. You all have the grace of God carrying you and may you all pace yourself where an inner healing takes place.  I pray my work for God was well received and that one person, because of my words, was changed in some way. I love you all!

Angel Always...Godspeed, my friends

Psalm 61:2-3, “From the ends of the earth, I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the towering rock of safety, for you are my safe refuge, a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me.” (NLT)

The Branch

I crawl out on the lonely branch, 

that can't sustain my weight. 

I try to creep so still in thought, 

reflecting on my fate. 

Up on top this tree so tall, 

I find a quiet place. 

Still are sounds that whistle through, 

the leaves a patient pace. 

What is this that breaks my thought, 

I’m not alone anymore? 

The presence is surrounding me; 

it haunts my very core. 

No longer alone, my thirst is quenched, 

my essence fed by might. 

Surrounded by the stillness of, 

the Radiant Branch of Light.

A Work Of Art

God's Painting

Luke 3:22 "And the Holy Ghost descended in a bodily shape like a dove upon him, and a voice came from heaven, which said, Thou art my beloved Son; in thee I am well pleased."

A Work of Art

I'm going to go out on a limb here and call myself a work of art. As a matter of fact, each and every one of us is a masterpiece in our own right. When we were created, we were not painted by the kindergarten class with our non-toxic paints and fat paintbrushes. We were crafted by a Master artist with the finest paints and brushes and we, each and every one of us, were painted by an artist better than Michelangelo!

You see, when we were forming in the womb, God had a plan for his piece of art. It took him nine months to create the perfection He saw in us. He didn't just blink us into existence like a genie, no He masterfully created each and every brushstroke of our life and when we were born, He already saw the finished fulfilled work of art in its completion to the end, hanging in the Sistine Chapel. 

He looked at us and it was good! He knew every brushstroke our life would take. He knew the perfections and imperfections because He saw us up close and personal, not from the marble floor below. No, your mother, father and everyone else saw you from below the art. They gazed at you and saw a tiny infant seemingly perfect. As you grew, people saw you and studied you as a piece of art and came to a conclusion of what they perceived. But to God, you were still a masterful work of art in progress. 

If you say that God makes no mistakes, you'd be correct in your assumption. The imperfections I referred to was our free will. You see Adam and Eve were made perfect! A completely perfect work of art finished and drying in the sun. Free will was the last brushstroke in giving us a chance to assist with the painting. The reason we're not the creating artists is that we botch the job. Our free will leads us to the imperfections of our life, all of which God saw in advance when creating you but he is not in control of our free will.

I knew as I got to this point in my life I had done a bang-up job of this masterpiece. I didn't handle the brush with the gentleness and care of the Master artist. Not that I turned Michelangelo's work into a Picasso but I think sometimes I turned it into an Andy Warhol meaningless jumble of paint. But I digress, I'm still in the planning stages so the brush hasn't been whisked out of my hand yet. God sees a Van Gogh in me; a little loose around the edges but awaiting perfection.

I now see this illness as a chance to complete what was a little messed up. My mind, my body, my soul all are taking a little tender care of the flamboyant brush strokes that I let onto the canvas; I'm no intense chapel in the making, and definitely not in Vatican City. These illnesses I'm being faced with are all a part of the whimsical flinging of the paint onto a blank canvas, I'm now in the process of making some sense out of what I want this painting to be. I want people to look at me as a work of art, not perfect but worth looking at for hours on end trying to sum up a conclusion of what they see and are going to walk away with.

Each day I wake, after thanking the Lord for another day to open my eyes and gaze at the canvas, I stare in awe of what has the potential to be a worthy piece of artwork! My writing, my healing, my poetry, my muse all are forming an exquisite piece of artwork ready to be hung in a gallery among the greatest artists who ever lived. 

I'm not standing here and proudly boasting of a swelled ego, I am an artist sharing with you my vision of just where this completed work will stand in the end. The gates of heaven have the potential to be open for me and the gallery of brilliant colors of a reflected prism are at my fingertips. I am a light-bearer, I am a shepherd, I am not here to tell you where you've gone wrong, I'm here to tell you what went right. You were born! You were created by a Masterful artist that saw all of your potentials and now it is time for you to take control of the brush and complete the painting that was begun when you were born.

We've all made mistakes! And if you're over the half-century mark, you are now in the final stages of completing your masterpiece. Are you going to finish up by botching up the canvas? Or are you going to make the necessary changes that need to take place to see you too entering the gates of heaven, or do you even care and are just happily strolling along in life not caring where this journey ends? My friends, take care of the work of art that is you. God did all the hard work and now He hands you the brush to take care of the finished product that will hang on the walls of Heavens gallery someday.

May the blessings of the Lord our God be with you today and always!

What Portion Do You Believe

Pss 103:3 “Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;”

If you’re a believer, then you believe without seeing. You believe because you read your bible and you believe the Word to be the truth. But how many believe that it is the full truth? Or do you only believe in portions? You believe God created the world, that Moses parted the sea, you believe Jesus rose from the dead, was it because the bible told you? You sit there believing He’s coming back again. But you have trouble believing Pss.103:3 where the bible states: “Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;”

It says he heals ALL thy diseases but we only trust Him to heal a few? That to me makes no sense. People can tell me until their blue in the face that ‘we need doctor’s to heal us’, but in my eyes, doctors are for treating symptoms never really addressing the underlying CAUSE. I believe God is the healer of the cause. You might find that one rare doctor who is willing to assist you in finding the cause but essentially it is up to you and God whether you find actual true healing. Maybe your doctor is guiding you in the right direction but I myself don’t believe God is a God of drugs.

“Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;” If you don’t believe He heals ALL diseases, in my eyes, you only believe a portion of the bible. It is so hard to truly trust the Word because we’ve been so conditioned to believe man for all he says and all that he offers. We take his word at face value and it holds solidity to our belief system. Then and only then do we truly rely on God’s word to heal ALL of our diseases. 

You might believe wisdom comes from man but wisdom cannot come from man it can only come from GOD! You might glean knowledge from books but wisdom to discern is solely from God; from the Spirit that dwells in you, the same Spirit that has you trusting in Him completely. Either the bible is true or it’s not. I don’t believe the bible lies in some places and suddenly exhibits truth in other places. Either the entire bible is the truth or none of it at all.

I mentioned yesterday that disease is first spiritual in nature not physical. This statement might need some clarification. Some children are born with diseases; obviously, they had no mind to spiritually bring about disease upon themselves. It is quite obvious that the environment, the foods that no one knew were toxic, the metals, the inoculations that toyed with our very cells all were in there playing a part of what makes our insides tick. Scientifically, DNA plays a small part meaning what your mom and dad did (ate, drank, breathed) formed the very strands that brought you to life.

I’m speaking of the cause of your (my) own disease; by holding tightly to false beliefs (fear, doubt, and shame) it enabled an attack that neither you or I were ready for. Anxiety, at a very young age, started us on the path of fear that you (and I) began and no drug is going to take away what we spiritually placed on our path. God did not place fear and anxiety on our path, God is not to blame for a disease taking over your body, only WE can blame OURSELVES for the CAUSE of any illness that holds us captive.

I think what happens with our anxiety and depression, mine anyway, is that we dwell and linger. We linger in past places that hold us prisoner and sometimes we’re not willing to let go because we’d rather remain bitter and angry than find healing; at least that’s what we tell ourselves. Yes, that was me for YEARS, for most of my life.

This disease that I brought upon myself basically is my wake-up call telling me it is time to change now or I will die. I can’t read myself into a healing place. I can’t keep telling you over and over of the bad things that happened in my life because that is my way of clinging to what little memories I have. I have to honestly and truthfully let it go! Reiterating my pain over and over is a way of not releasing the very things that got me to this point in my disease and remaining a prisoner of the past.

I know I’ve spiritually found a healing place. I sent my anxious thoughts away and replaced them with good positive memories. Here’s an example, on the 26th of April my daughter would have been fourteen years old. In previous years the grief strangled me to tears and led me to rehash her death over and over. The same goes for my son who would’ve turned 35 years old in December. This year was different, I only thought good of her and him and when my mother wanted to rehash the past I point blank told her, I’ve dealt with that pain already, I really have let it go, so please stop rehashing. I’m glad she remembers my son and daughter whom neither of us had a chance to know, but I don’t cling to that part of my past anymore. I’m in a healing point and it feels better than all years before!

I’m healing from the emotional baggage of a previous marriage. I’m healing from the child abuse, the molestation, I’m healing where things clung and tightly held on, and I’m releasing them from my present. This disease isn’t just about what has my cells in an uproar, it’s about forgiving all the wrongs in my past and not just at face value. I cannot heal just a portion of my soul just as I cannot believe just a portion of the bible. 

I myself cause my stress and anxiety by clinging to the embedded emotions that have no right dwelling in my being anymore. Being around positive influential people bring about a healing presence just as the negative influences bring about the non-healing ability. If you find yourself never healing from emotional stress, you’re not releasing the whole portion of events; you’re still clinging to the past. Don’t blame the medicine for not working. Don’t blame someone else for your retentive behavior because we are the sole heirs of who to blame. Our parents, siblings, and exes may shoulder some of the blame but they are not the reason we are so determined to allow the occasions to destroy our immunity.

You know, I hadn’t thought that my internal loving relationship with God could grow any further. I had become comfortable in my reading and believing and practically complacent with all I have learned over the years. Sometimes we think that memorizing scripture will bring us closer to God, or reading and studying so hard we forget what we came to the Word for. We came to learn and GROW right? Not to sit like an idle robot in one place repeating the same actions over and over again. No, to heal we need to understand the health benefits of the Living Water flowing through our veins on a different level that will carry us to our healing spot. The area where the past has no bars and the pasture is an open fortress to gaze at, not take up residence with. 

I am choosing to heal by believing the full portion of the Word in its entirety, not just a small portion. He said He will heal and I believe Him. He said He will return and I believe Him. I know I’m listening to God and not the enemy. How do I know it is God speaking to me and guiding me? Because He said so!

All praise and Glory to God! 

John 10:9 “I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture.”

John 10 is a very powerful scripture in its entirety.

His Time

Pss. 103:3 “Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;”

In His time, not my time!

All of last year I seemed to be soaring in the healing department. I was walking with no pain, a copious amount of sleep and nary a bout of muscle pain. I had always heard the term ‘no pain, no gain’ in the world of fitness meaning you have to feel the pain to gain the insight and strength to lose the pounds (or in my case the dis-ease) you want. But here I was exuberant because I got the chance to forgo the pain and soar right onto healing. That’s not how it works, my friends. 

It’s ironic that had I gone the chemo route I would have been expected to suffer, for a year or more of treatment, surgery and draining negative talks with doctors, slice, dice, pokes and prods all leading to an insane amount of pain and non-healing. Did you know that the ancient Greek word for "pharmacy" means "witch" or "witchcraft"? I have read that the root meaning can also mean "poison". Why is this an acceptable form of so-called healing?

But when you go the route of God and natural healing you’re expected to heal in the genies blink of an eye and show the world how almighty powerful He is against sorcery and witchcraft. I honestly think too many people live in a fantasy world when living the life of a Christian. They read but don’t understand. They listen but never hear. They ignore the truth and expect – yes expect --  a miracle to take place instantaneously!

2 Cor. 12:9 (NIV) “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 

Yes, God has the power to instantaneously heal, but where is the learning, where is the understanding, where is the weakness? This day and age as we look out at the world, we can see that God is at a standstill when it comes to the humans and their disobedience. He has allowed us to learn from the mistakes we’ve made over the years but instead of learning, we are stomping on all that we were taught. People think they can do what they want and handle things the way they do and go to God as let’s say, the ‘backup’.

God does not take lightly to being the backup plan when things go wrong. When he says ‘trust in Me’, ‘have faith’, He means just that but today people don’t know what that means and so they use Him as the backup if things go wrong. They never really trust or have faith and that is the very thing that has made the condition of the world what it is because of lack of faith.

All action is dependent on belief. When you don’t fully rely on God you are leaning on your own understanding and building up walls of anxiety, worry, and stress. The Lord says we’re to be anxious for nothing. God expects us to not go to ‘people’ for truth. Did Jesus follow people or did people follow Jesus? Was He one of many or one of a few?

1Thess. 2:13 “For this cause also thank we God without ceasing, because, when ye received the word of God which ye heard of us, ye received it not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, which effectually worketh also in you that believe.”

Wisdom cannot come from man it can only come from GOD! So here is what I’ve taken on when refusing the chemo route. I’m walking with God and working to rebuild my immune system. Disease and illness is not something God does to you. He did not give me cancer, I and my lack of caring for my health gave me cancer. I’ll say it again, DNA is only a small portion of the reason I have what I have. Unhealthy eating is the very reasons we will ALL experience illness in our lifetime.

1 Cor. 3:18-21 “Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you seemeth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is written, He taketh the wise in their own craftiness. And again, The Lord knoweth the thoughts of the wise, that they are vain. Therefore let no man glory in men. For all things are yours;”

God created all of the scientific principles that science wants us to adhere to but when we turn to God, science wants us to toss God out of the equation. That is just wrong to me. Do you realize that the American Cancer Society would have to disband if ever there was a cure? Billions of dollars would fall out of the hands of 'pharma', 'witchery', 'poison' plan. I'll use God’s health plan. And as such, the alternative treatment and headway are tossed out as quackery never giving healthy living a chance in the trial-n-error stage because we’re taught that food and nutrition have nothing to do with your health and imminent illness.

When I seemingly had a setback in December, boy did people expect me just to bounce back with a tweak to my diet. What they don’t realize is that my trials are not that snappy and that is not how God works. I have to have PAIN and SUFFERING to be FREED from this disease. Just soaring into healing with no pain will gain me nothing but an ego. I’ll feel accomplished and above all others and THAT is not what I’m here to learn and gain. That is not God's plan!

Deut. 7:15 “And the LORD will take away from thee all sickness, and will put none of the evil diseases of Egypt, which thou knowest, upon thee; but will lay them upon all them that hate thee.”

Your disease is as much spiritual as it is physical. YOU and your thoughts are the cause of your anxiety and illnesses. You began early on in life on a path of fear and anxiousness (stress) and no drug is going to take away what you spiritually placed on your path. We keep treating the symptoms of these diseases and never take on treating the underlying CAUSE. I chose God’s natural health plan for myself. In my quest, I study, research, learn and grow but not without PAIN and struggle.

I need you all to know that impatience and doubt is not what I carry. I don’t expect instantaneous results when healing. I don’t want this to be a journey of ease. I want it to be the journey that He’s led me to; a journey of FAITH and TRUST. Is the walk easy? By no means! His time is not our time and we need to have the utmost faith in that, if you don’t then your journey may get a little more painful than mine, imagine that.

Prov. 31:26 "She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness."

Spiritually Stunted

“Trust in the LORD, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:3-4 (NKJV)

Spiritually Stunted

Have you ever felt like life is at a standstill? You’ve worshipped, you’ve praised, you’ve given everything to God and now you just sit and wait to see what happens? Oh, sure you continue to read the Bible daily but again, you’re just going through the motions of everyday living. You feel spiritually stunted just waiting for a new season to blossom into sight.

At mid-life, God granted me a season of change that certainly wasn’t expected. I got a dreaded life-altering disease. He let me know point blank that I could wallow in self-pity, roll over and die, or I could face this season of life with CHANGE in my heart and soul. I had been meandering down the road of life, but this was like plowing a car into a wall at fifty miles per hour.

Everything halted. I had to stop and reassess life and prioritize what had the most meaning. God had the most meaning in my life so I needed to strengthen my faith in Him; trust Him like never before. My husband and son were a priority, not so much so taking care of them and meeting their needs, just being a friend and companion to each one on different levels. Then there was family, not really a priority but love still flowed from me to them, and that had meaning to me. What was top priority was living! 

The winter of 2017-18 came with a vengeance, blizzard and all, still clinging well into April! As the mid-life crisis has not gone away, I’m still growing and learning, waiting to blossom.  The arctic-like winter put another roadblock in my way as I became idle and unwilling to walk on ice and brace the cold horrendous winds. My stationery bike became the only source of exercise and even that was not welcomed. I felt bitter and angry at this cessation of my spirit.

Sure I woke daily and read my bible, I still wrote, and preached about loving the Lord, then Lent had me in a fasting state of reassessing my priorities, while winter held onto what the calendar says is spring. Next week will be May 1st and the trees still look as barren as they did in December. They too are waiting for the arrival of spring. They want to wake up and greet the world but it gets kind of hard to do when you’re left sitting idle for months, dormant and chilled. Onward I go, realizing I myself, have become the stunted Christian I’m always writing about.

“Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence.” 

~ Hal Borland

The one thing I don’t have a problem knowing is that the enemy is underfoot. His goal is to steal, kill, and destroy. Steal any form of hope and happiness, kill any joy, and destroy all strength that resides in you in bringing forth nothing more than defeat to his hellish stance.

We do have a choice who we listen to and I can honestly say I don’t think God has been speaking loud enough for me and the only voice left to hear is not the one of my choosing, thus leaving me spiritually depleted. How do I know this? Because I’m feeling depressed knowing full well that the warmth of spring is going to come but the lack of sunshine makes me feel down. I hear doubts and fears whispering in my ears, trying to take a stab at me and I know full well, God is not of doubt, fear, and anxiety. 

I can usually curtail the doubts quite easily with a good vigorous walk but as I said, winter has disabled me and it is lingering for far too long. I’ve had to start on different supplements because I’m thinking maybe my system is becoming immune to some of the supplements that I’m taking. Now I’m taking a lot of letters of the alphabet A, B, C, D3, E, and K! Some of my old ones remain because well, they have to. 

I have also turned to God as He has given me His Word and Spirit to tap into to strengthen me. I do feel His protection during these times as if I’m wearing the armor suit He bestowed upon me, but maybe the helmet fell off, y’know? I think maybe it became too comfortable.

I call to mind this scripture that enforces my wisdom:

Ephesians 6:10-18 “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:
Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

I’m wondering if that is what has happened to the world these days; they’ve just become too comfortable in the mundane routines. Do people just start taking God for granted until they’re shaken to their knees? Then they either turn to Him or turn against Him as if to blame Him for all the wrongs in life. 

I do have to make my husband and son understand that it isn’t God to blame for my condition, I am to blame. I didn’t take care of myself. In their selfishness, they’ll feel it was God’s fault and become further stunted and that will be a sad day. I pray for them daily but must work toward healing and seeing myself alive in ten-fifteen years. I'm still young so I'd love to see twenty more years, God willing.

I will live with Christ in me, I will put on the full armor of God, I will lead the remaining stunted people to the light so that darkness doesn’t become who they are as a people, as a nation. I may only reach a few but it is a few more than none at all, right? 

Remember, don’t blame God, blame yourself when things take a turn for the worse. When things go bad, you and I, are the only ones to blame for the stunted Spirituality.

Galatians 6:8 (NIV) “The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.” 

May you accept God’s blessing as the fruit of life and be blessed in all you do!

Col. 1:27-28 (KJV) “To whom God would make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles; which is Christ in you, the hope of glory: Whom we preach, warning every man, and teaching every man in all wisdom; that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus:”

Giving Thanks - Thank You, Lord

Pss. 7:17 “I will praise the LORD according to his righteousness: and will sing praise to the name of the LORD most high.”

Giving thanks!

Lord, I'm taking this time to give you thanks for all that you’ve done for me. Let the record show that this is just a small portion of all that I'm thankful for.

When I was diagnosed with this illness it would have been so easy just to blame you but instead, I embraced this journey as another blessing, and I thank you!

Thank you for the illness that through you has made me strong but allows me increments of weakness. Thank you for shining a Light in dark places.

I thank you for placing a man in my life who takes care of me and sees to it my wealth of needs are met, and I have many. I thank you.

I thank you for filling me with the strength to wake up and face each and every day.

I thank you for my most dismal days, seeing you stand with me and allowing me to vent. Thank you for listening.

Thank you for letting me know everything will be okay.

Thank you for nourishing food, and creating medicinal herbs. Even though our government doesn’t see them as medicinal, you show me daily who is in charge and the purpose and reason for herbs and CURES with those herbs. Thank you for discernment.

Thank you for the precious food on my plate and the ability to buy clean water in a toxic environment.

Thank you for being my living water in times of drought.

Thank you for a wonderful son and allowing me to be instrumental in shaping who he’s becoming. You in me has made him who he is, for that, I’m eternally thankful.

Thank you for the seasons and the elements. Rain, snow, wind, and sun, everything you offer is of beauty.

Thank you for pain and for sorrow for only through them can I see the promise of a better tomorrow.

Thank you for loving me enough to give me a second chance at making it right with my health. 

Thank you for using me as a vessel of your message.

Thank you for bringing friends into my life in the virtual world that love care and respect me. I hope they know I cherish each and every one who takes the time out of their lives to pray for me and sees that my aching needs are met. I pray for the ones that deserted me in my time of need.

Thank you for showing me that my family really doesn’t care for me. Except for two or three. (Sara, Steven, and Adam) I’m okay with that and am making peace with the reality. I release them, as I carry no guilt for who they are. They have abandoned me, not I them. I pray for them all. (The once in a blue moon asking me how I'm doing is not caring for me.) I pray.

Thank you for Sara, who I knew from birth, was going to be a friend to the end!

Thank you for placing on the heart of that special someone who once a month, takes the time to bless me. I pray they know they are a cherished being, not a passing thought in my world. Thank you.

Thank you for finding me worthy to be your work of art in progress. 

Thank you for Grace Vanderwaal. She touches my heart with her music and allows me to enjoy the rhythmic beat with no past to me, no memories tied to her songs, just emotions I need to work through. I can see clearly now.

Thank you for the years on this earth. While others are unknowingly trying to die, I wholeheartedly see a reason to live! I strive every day, pain or no pain, to get through each minute of the day. I thank you for being there every second of the way.

Thank you for the opportunity of eternal life through your Son. I do not fear the beauty I know one day will be my destiny. Allow people to see strength in my serenity and to seek You when they need comfort.

I wrestle every day with the darkness trying to pull me in a different direction. Whether it is toxic for me food, cigarettes, alcohol, aromas, paranoia or fear, it tries surrounding me only in an attempt to smother me. Thank you for letting me see that it is You Heavenly Father, who holds my heart and soul and allows me to see through the murky mire.

2 Sam. 3:1 “Now there was a long war between the house of Saul and the house of David: but David waxed stronger and stronger, and the house of Saul waxed weaker and weaker.”

Thank you for still being a part of my family who is very weak during these trials. Fill them with the strength of an army to get them through these trying times. They need You more than they will ever need me. I grow stronger and stronger every day as their weakness smothers their capabilities.

Thank you for allowing me to trust in your bigger plans and helping me to fight the feelings of meaninglessness.

I may never thank you enough, but Lord, I thank you from the depths of my soul that only you have seen and known. My life for you, oh Lord!

Pss. 18:1-2  “I will love thee, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.

Thorn in the Flesh

2 Cor. 12:7 “And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.”

Thorn in the Flesh

I come to you today friends with a thorn in my flesh. As much as I grumble and gripe I am humbled as I am being used by God. I often think of this journey I’m on and how hard the walk has been but I also think of Paul and how he must’ve felt. I know there are many people in the Bible, real human beings who felt the Lord had forgotten them, only to find that through the scorching flames of seeming hellfire, they were actually being used by God to deliver a message. 

I rise in the morning and settle down to read my morning devotion with a warm cup of coffee in my hand. I gaze out the window into the darkness and the light is yet to shine. I patiently wait, read and glean a message to write to you. Not every day do I write, some days I just sit in thought and relish my alone time with God.

When I look out into the world the hustle and bustle sometimes frightens me as everyone is scurrying around doing their own things. They have lives to busy themselves with and often the Lord is a passing thought, if ever a thought at all.

Deut. 32:5 “They have corrupted themselves, their spot is not the spot of his children: they are a perverse and crooked generation.”

I often think of how many generations have been lost to the crookedness of their path. Has any ever been in the clutch of God awakened? Are the people far and few between these days who take their role in this world serious?

We have become a world puffed up in vanity and conceit and find that serving a god, any god Higher or lower to be a chore of service that sometimes takes up too much of our time. In my affliction, my disease, I have nothing BUT time for Him because, to be honest, His world is such a pleasure to get lost in, as for this world, there is nothing but distress and disgust.

I find that here lately, there is an evil that tosses me about the shores of my walk. Every word I say is met with, ‘you’re wrong!’ or ‘you don’t know what you’re talking about!’ and with that puffiness, the waves wash away my footprints in the sand. But lo, I continue to walk.

As God is directing me in my steps, there are those that wish to push me in the water. They wish to see me disappear but I cannot go yet, my words are still required. And whether you want to read them, need to read them or enjoy reading them, please know, my path of pain is as much for you as it is for me.

I can’t give you all the answers you seek as no one is here handing me the easy answer either. But I do set for you a goal, a path that is possibly achieved if only you pull the veil from your head and let the mask of conceit be drowned. 

There is much work to be done. Change is not only desired but it is much needed during these times. There is no time to be lazy and blinded by your own ambitions.

2 Cor. 4:17 “For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.”

I see some out there laughing and scoffing, waving their pointed finger at me but I also see some out there scratching their heads and saying ‘I think she’s onto something’ and they grab hold and hope the airbags work in case a disaster should befall them. Not many are ready for the ride of their life.

I know I am not the only one being dipped in the flaming fire. But I am the rare one without a veil who is trying to show you how to weather these torrential storms. They might seem disastrous, noisy, downright uncomfortable, but rest assure, there IS hope on the other side.

Just because I don’t have the same search as you, just because you are wrapped up in your own conceit and think only YOU are right about everything, I’m here to tell you that you are amazingly wrong. Yes, I say that as my finger is poking you in the chest and pushing you back to your sitting down position! 

As you flop in the chair, listen up, LIFE IS NOT ABOUT YOU! Know that there is a force running alongside you building pedestals for you to stand on. Know that there is another force ready to knock you off that pedestal and plant you back into reality, whenever you’re ready.

As my spiritual nature has always known about the positive/negative energy having the ability to either drain you or lift you up, science finally agrees with me. I found another site that was on my newsfeed wall on Facebook. Be forewarned it has Native American belief system there. A people I greatly admire and respect, I might add.

Looking through the link above I may be labeled as a White Witch. Ironically, the writing group I frequent, the animal persona I chose was that of a White Wolf! Hmm… interesting.

For all of you saying, oh my goodness I can’t believe she said that she is a white witch. Maybe you need a lesson on what a witch is, a person with their Wits about them. Like marijuana, there is a stigma surrounding both. Yes, I’m off my rocker, cuckoo, crazy, insane and any other label you wish to stamp me with. And just so you know, I NEVER give myself a label. If I were to label myself, I’d say Spirit-filled, all the way!

From the link, all are true of me except for number nine, partially.

9 "They are ardent believers of the idea that just because we can’t see something with our own eyes doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. This makes them believers in the power of magic."

I draw the line with number nine. I don’t believe for one moment in the power of magic! I believe in the strength of an all-powerful God, Father of Jesus, His Son! If the label of White Witch offends, so must the God of Heaven who parts a sea, or unleashes plagues, or watches His Son die for the unmoved man. 

Our world is defined by labels that people place around so they can read people to make themselves feel good about themselves. They say they are not judgmental but use words, even if they are floating in their subconscious mind, words like fat, ugly, snob, witch, bitch, rude crude, you name it, it feels better to you if you give it a label. Have you ever wondered about the labels given to Jesus? 

As we wind down our days to the Resurrection Sunday. Think! Think of all the words Jesus said while hanging on the cross. Hold close to your heart the very reason you believe or don’t believe. Try your hardest to release the stigmas you drown in, this is a new era, a new day is dawning. Think! As the thorn in my flesh is painfully evident for all to see, the Crown of Thorns worn on Jesus’ head holds more significance. He came, He walked, He lived, He died. Now, pray.

All praise and Glory to Him who holds my spirit cupped in His hands! 

Never stigmatize the world we live. Keep your mind open!

Dolphins at work. 

Rom. 15:13 “Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.”

You're Not Alone

Proverbs 11:2  “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”

You're Not Alone

Today I am humbled. My Biblical email was once again aimed right at me. What do I gain from these emails? Insight, insight to the realization I’m not alone. 

I often think about the women who have gone before me on this journey of what I deem The Pink Parade. The journey of a patient who decided to trust in the chemo route. For years they were poked and prodded, sliced and diced, radiated and drugged, only to succumb to the battle in the end.

Then I think of the women who went the same route and survived, they are the leaders of the Pink Parade. Then there are the women who made it halfway through the chemo route and said no way, there has to be something besides the vomiting and sickness and weakness in their knees. 

In the back of my mind are the women who went full throttle into the Natural route. These women are struggling daily too but no one hears the murmurs. No one connects to the pain that they endure on a frequent basis. They’re out there alone, sometimes with no connections, friends, or family to help them along. It is to them I wish my voice to be heard. You’re not alone!

James 1:2-3 “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.”

After the couple of weeks I’ve had, of feeling so alone and isolated in a world overflowing with people, the Word steps right into my heart and soul in the strangest and most mystical of ways. It gives me the clarity that I am not alone and never will be as long as I hold His Word snuggled close to my heart. There is a purpose to all of this and quite ironically, it is finding joy in my suffering.

I am humbled when I think of all of the women out there struggling, fighting, winning or losing, defeating or claiming victory, they’re out there, just moving on! 

Only through my suffering can I convey a message of hope. Only through this journey of my choice can I find the patience needed to get me through just one more day of living, writing, telling my story. Some days I cry out to God and say, “Please no more. I just can’t!” He lets me know quite frankly that, “YES YOU CAN!” When He puts it like that, I tend to sit up and listen to Him. He wants me to write. He’s given me a talent and if gone unused then I have wasted my life and His time but trust me, none of us are a waste of His time. 

James 1:22 “But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.”

I’ve put a hold on scanning mounds of websites that hold information on this Natural Path I’m walking down. I found part of my struggle with this illness was due to too much information, then contradictory information that shrouded me in uncertainty. It then went on to cloud my judgment with a dose of paranoia. That had to stop. 

While I want to reach out and help all of the people I can, I need more time for healing myself right now. My research is now leading me to discover if my supplementation, my arsenal, has run its course and do I need to bring about a change in course. It’s a slow learning curve but heck, I have time to jump back in and research to save myself.

There are certain vitamins/herbs in my regimen that won’t be changed and mainly Vitamin C, D3, magnesium, selenium, quercetin, curcumin, turmeric, and of course my B12’s. I may add some vitamins A., B17, E, and K but research is still ongoing for those. I love learning but I love healing even more and with every passing day, my patience is tried and tested but I just keep moving on, day after day.

With these few passing weeks of a setback, I realized that it is not much unlike a derailed train, it takes time to get back on track, and no swift kick in the butt or change of cars is going to make it a speedy transition. Time, patience, humility, and determination will see that the train gets back on track.

While we live in a NEW generation of toxic exposure, some may feel that glyphosate, Round-up, GMO’s are not going to have an impact on their lives. My how wrong they are in that assumption. If your children or grandchildren were born in the seventies and eighties, I can guarantee 100% those toxic exposures are impacting their lives, their children’s lives, and YOUR life. We live in a generation now where we have a great percentage of our population addicted to drugs. The pharmaceutical industry has impacted your life! Drugs are toxic, plain and simple. Autism, ADHD, MS, autoimmune disorders are all at an all-time high. All of these diseases are impacts of the toxic generation.

Taken from the site Autoimmune causes: 
BOTTOM LINE:
Researchers don’t know exactly what causes autoimmune diseases. Diet, infections, and exposure to chemicals might be involved. 

Read that and listen loud and clear, the 21st century and we STILL don’t know the causes but they expect us to be led like cows to slaughter and just accept what it is, a way of life. *I* will not accept my disease as a way of life! That is what’s happened over the years, people have had their heads buried in the sand, or now their iPhones and no longer look up to see the reality of death that is consuming the world and their very own families.

I AM NOT ALONE! YOU are not alone! There are thousands of people like myself who have lifted their eyes and see the world for what it is, a toxic wasteland, just as it is in the movie Wall-E. I can’t just turn a blind eye to the brunt of the truth before me. My grandchildren, my nieces and nephews and their children are all going to be living in this wasteland and we’ve done nothing to stop the invasion of garbage except just leave everyone alone, mind your own business and just live! Accept it as 'it is what it is'.

The way I see it [life], we all got a raw deal! It’s what we do with that raw deal, like change it into a banquet of blessings for the future generations or stick your head back in the sand. Life will go on for generations to come. Some will get to see the New Earth some will be too busy trying to get their heads out of the sand. 

Isa. 66:22 “For as the new heavens and the new earth, which I will make, shall remain before me, saith the LORD, so shall your seed and your name remain.”

Rev. 21:1 “And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.”

This mornings dawning of a new day! 

GOD BLESS ONE AND ALL!

And I Wait...

Pss. 59:9 “Because of his strength will I wait upon thee: for God is my defence.”

And I wait…

I don’t know what to think and I really don’t want opinions of what I should do. These past two weeks I’ve had a setback. I mentioned it before with all that’s happened and I feel the setback was the wheat bread and the eating of the toxic grains.

I’ve eaten all these wonderful foods all of my life and never in a million years would I imagine something so good for you could be one of the elements causing this disease in me. I’m not even fifty-five years young and already I’m being affected by the strong-arm of an illness that has laid its hands on me, gripping me, expecting me to ‘submit’. I can’t do it. I won’t give up on God like others have done, I just won’t!

I hear people say they care about me but in all honesty, I don’t feel it. How can months (sometimes years) go by and people say ‘I care about you’ and nothing more? How is that caring? You thought about me? Because you think about me and my suffering, that’s caring? I just don’t get it. 

I’m trying to be okay with people passively thinking about me when it’s convenient for them. I’m trying to understand why I sit alone crying my eyes out and no one to listen to me or hug me and say it will all be all right. Just a comforting hug could go a long way in my isolated world.

I notice people give up too easy too. If they’re trying to lose weight, and it doesn’t happen instantaneously they give up. If they pray, and the prayer goes unanswered they give up on God for not being quick with a response. I’ve seen people give up on God who has received miracles, then just gave up with all that hokey stuff and lived life for themselves now that the miracle is over; enough time has passed, they should be safe, right? I guess so, if that is what you believe.

I myself feel I received a miracle of the regaining of my walking ability. For a couple of years the pain was so bad I was relinquished to using a cane and allowed onlookers to pity me with their eyes. People don’t realize their eyes are like speakers when sizing people up the volume is set to high and the bass is felt loud and clear from the person you draw eye contact from. I don’t need the eye contact to feel the faces of pity looking at me.

Since my diagnosis, I’ve come a long way in regaining my strength and the ability to walk, so much so I proudly traipsed around feeling invincible. No one is invincible; a few slices of bread and overconfidence will knock you on your butt and take it all away with one night of sleep. Let me tell you if you don’t have those backup supporters who say, ‘they care about you’ the fall hurts even more.

I’m a mess this week. I had a bad day that led to a couple more bad days and now I try to pick myself up from the rubble I’ve left strewn about the place. I’ve needed a good strong physical hug but even that is scarce because my pain is so bad, it hurts to have a hug. I’m straining to see the light at the end of the tunnel that I know is there. When the pain is so overwhelming it is hard to see or hear anything.

I love the fact that people turn to me for strength, direction, assistance, aid in helping them but in times of my hurting, those tasks are impossible so I shy away from the very venue of that portion of love I receive. I’m hurting, how can I help someone when I’m in the throes of a setback and no one can visually see how bad my days are, again because ‘they care’ but not enough to consider I might be having a hard time or bad day myself.

I want to gently show my friends that while I’m having this hard time, I still can see the light way off at the end of the tunnel. My tears stream, my pain unbearable, my cries to the Lord louder than ever and the echo, the echo of my voice is haunting. In the days of these struggles, the scripture that stands out to me is from Isaiah 40:31

 “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

I have a birthday coming up and I’m not even looking forward to the day. It’s just another day. That’s what people say when they get older, y’know? A good thing my son, who is young, says it now so he has no false illusions about the world around him. It’s just another day. I should get a plaque stating that and hang it on the wall! 

Along with my setback comes grumpiness, bitterness, and downright insensitivity. This is the point where I’m supposed ‘to think’ but I don’t. I put no rein on my thoughts or insensitive blurts. I fail. I don’t think of others and how they might be feeling when I boast of my weight loss when they can’t lose a pound to save their life, or my lack of pain when there’s has them bound to drug relief, or my rejoicing in how great I’m doing walking with a bounce in my step and light in my life. Maybe they want to hear the hard-grained steps I have to bear to wake up each day in the light of optimism. Maybe they long to hear of a setback so they can say ‘aha, I knew you should’ve gone another route’. I’m on the edge about to fall over the cliff and can’t find the upbeat rhythm of words they need to hear to get through their bad day. So there, I’m having a momentary lapse.

I have a loving relationship with God and I know we’ll get through this band of pain together. I wonder sometimes if people think that God has a special light set to shine just on my face but let me tell you, God’s love has no perimeter, His love for us is as personal as any loving relationship we’ll ever have in life. He has no preferential treatment for just me. He loves us all the same. Do we all love Him the same? I don’t know. I think we all try but we all have that period of ‘now we wait’, how each of us handles this period of patience is most definitely different! 

1 John 4:13 “Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit.”

The Struggle Is Real

2 Cor. 5:17 KJV “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”

The Struggle is Real

I know a lot of people who think that because you’ve accepted Christ that life will be full of luxurious bubble bath days and happiness. Some know and understand the truth, some are learning, some want what they want and want it NOW! 

Just like the above scripture, there is a simplified version from the AMP explained for us, you know someone else did all of the work and all you have to do is read it to understand the bible better.

2 Corinthians 5:17 (AMP) “Therefore if anyone is in Christ [that is, grafted in, joined to Him by faith in Him as Savior], he is a new creature [reborn and renewed by the Holy Spirit]; the old things [the previous moral and spiritual condition] have passed away. Behold, new things have come [because spiritual awakening brings a new life].” 

I’m not normally offended when I read scripture but that verse in my morning email struck a nerve with me. I’ll assume that AMP is an amplified bible, (total assumption) and maybe people like having someone else decipher and dissect every scriptural word of the bible for them so they don’t have to do the work for themselves. I totally understand what 2 Tim. 2:15 is saying and don’t need fifty versions of the bible to tell me. Don’t we all wish life was so simple for us, let’s have others dissect our life for us, tell us right from wrong so we don’t make any mistakes? I have cancer, here ya go, take it away from me. Make my job in doing all of the hard work in healing simple for me, please! I can read and learn the protocols in healing but no one is going to do the work for me, but ME!

We think that being a Christian that there will be no struggles, no hard days, that all our days will be filled with knowing, understanding and doing the right thing. I’m here to tell you, nothing in life is simple, not reading the Bible, not being a Christian and certainly not going a Natural path to healing when conventional treatment is out there to make an illness easier for us.

I’m also here to tell you that the struggle is real! Life is hard, being a Christian is hard work, reading the bible is a (fun for me) chore! Nothing in life ever comes easy. If you’ve had an easy life, raising kids or pets, if being an adult has been a walk in the park for you, well then praise be to God, you’re one in a zillion! Yes, I said zillion because no one has an easy road to walk in life! 

Being a Christian doesn’t make the road easy, and it’s not always paved; sometimes there’s gravel on the road and we walk along in our bare feet. Our journey as a Christian is as tough as the non-christian we just have a friend walking along with us at all times. Now some people allow Jesus to walk way up ahead so He can prepare us for what we’re about to go through. Sometimes people allow Jesus to sit on the side of the road to watch us stumble and fall. Others don’t believe there is a Jesus and only allows a god to be sunshine on their bubbly well-lit path. 

See what I’m saying? The struggle is real for each and every one of us, in reading, believing and walking. I myself, and I like to think many others, has the Spirit of the Lord WITHIN us. This way we don’t have to look outside to see where He’s at, at any given moment. If we feel weak, we know He’s our strength to hold us up. If we feel disillusioned, He restores our sight so we see. If we have trouble understanding the Word, He fills us with the knowledge to understand every intricate word.

2 Tim. 2:15 King James Bible “Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.”

There are literally thousands of interpretations, languages, renditions of the bible but in all honesty, there is only ONE Word! With the Word, we have internal and external struggles but all struggles none-the-less. Our internal struggles wrestle with the new life we’ve been given in Christ. We wonder when He’s just going to simplify everything for us, after all, we’ve allowed him on our path, right? Wrong! He’s not there to SIMPLIFY your life! He’s there to fill your life with meaning, purpose and most of all, strength. The task is that you yourself have to do the work but you're never alone!

Ezek. 37:1 “The hand of the LORD was upon me, and carried me out in the spirit of the LORD, and set me down in the midst of the valley which was full of bones,”

Our external struggles come when we wrestle with the flesh, the mind on other things not of God. Free-will demands we choose from good and evil, there is no in between. We struggle with understanding the Word and is probably the reason we seek out a simplified version of the bible so we’re sure that we are understanding correctly. 

Ezek. 36:27 “And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them.”

Can everyone and anyone understand the bible completely with so many renditions out there? With thousands of years passing the story around, do you believe it is possible that some words got lost along the way? I believe God to be the One and Only word and He places on your heart the understanding so no simplification is necessary. What is the purpose of discernment if we have the Word simplified in many variations? Shouldn’t we FEEL the Word in us and no reason for simplicity?

I could be totally wrong, (as often I am) but I believe over dissection of His Word loses the luster of the meaning SPIRIT-FILLED, for ME. The struggle becomes a battle of differences in opinions and again, lost is the Spirit that was intended in having the Word documented by so many people.

Some people want me to blame God for this disease I carry while others want to blame evil, darkness, and negativity while I myself blame no one except my life choices! The lusts of my free will ran rampant and I lost the battle. No, wait, I haven’t lost the battle, the struggle is still on, day after agonizing day, night after aching night, the struggle is REAL! 

Pss.119:50 KJV “This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me.”

I don’t want the Word simplified and I don’t want this journey made easy for me, it is what it is, upon me and the path I chose. Good or bad, right or wrong, simple or hard, this journey each of us is on is never easy and can never be simplified. The path can only be embraced for what it is, a completion of our journey home. Remember, He never walks in front, beside, or behind, He always remains within!  You are spirit-filled from the moment of rebirth in His name! 

All praise and Glory to God

Pss. 119:92-93 KJV “Unless thy law had been my delights, I should then have perished in mine affliction. I will never forget thy precepts: for with them thou hast quickened me.”

Simplified - “I will never forget your precepts, for by them you have preserved my life” (Psalm 119:93)

The Road Less Traveled

 2 Cor. 10:17 “But he that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord.” 

The Road Less Traveled

Out here where I live, the roads less traveled are marked as ‘road not serviced’ meaning the dirt road is not graded and will be bumpy and uneven in places. We sometimes go down these roads just out of curiosity and intrigued by what lies ahead.

I’ve noticed in these very trying times, many people are more than likely to stick to the here and now familiarity. To me, it seems God is not allotting time for the familiar and is throwing us all on the road less traveled. I see over and over again people thinking that they control their circumstances and don’t really rely on God. It’s as if He is the ‘go to’ guy and not the depended upon King of Kings that He is!

When I was diagnosed with this ‘dire disease’ that everyone has their own ideas about, but me, being different as I am, I chose the road less traveled. On this bumpy and at times uncertain road I’m met with the ungraded surface of people that don’t understand and are not willing to even learn. Is society so set it in its ways that there is no room for growth?

I’m alive in a time of miracles and people move in a robotic routine state on the conveyor belt of life. As winds and storms take aim, as civility has ceased to exist, as doctors are no longer the healers of their profession but basically drug dealers with a license, the world is in utter chaos.

I’m alive and grateful for every living day. As I continue on down this road less traveled, I don’t have to see the hurried people on the highway of life. I don’t have to be a witness to the ‘me first’ society on the roundabouts that hurry people along. I don’t have to be a part of the political correctness of the world. I bow to no one but my Lord and Savior.

While blessings abound in my neck of the woods, I do get to witness God and all His glory. While some might not see a simple change in the schedule as a blessing, I don’t and never have believed in mere coincidences. We’ve had high winds for close to forty-eight hours now. I’m not talking about 10-20 mph winds, I’m talking 30-35mph sustained winds which means constant and unending, with GUSTS hitting the fifty and sixty mph range. Two whole days of unending wind, which doesn’t make travel easy, now does it? 

It doesn’t show up in news reports of our wind because I’m out in the middle of nowhere in a state that basically is invisible in a country overrun by big cities facing their own impending storms and damage. A blessing (to me) was when a girl at my husbands' job wanted to ‘switch’ days off with him. I knew today would be another day of hard to drive into work on our measly two-lane roads. Let a wind gust push you into the oncoming lane’s traffic, which happened Sunday as we went food shopping. Hubby said that yesterday the wind pushed him all over the road going to work, so I was not looking forward to both my guys having to drive in this stuff. Yes, God will protect them no matter what.

Today both hubby and son are off of work! Coincidence? I think not. A gentleman at my son’s work asked (last night) if he could switch days off and my son was more than happy to oblige. To me, that is two blessings! God is keeping a careful eye on my stress levels and keeping my family safe. After trying to venture outdoors yesterday and nearly getting pushed down the stairs by the gusting winds, I barely made it back up the steps to come in the house and the entire incident left me kind of shaken. I think I’ve lost more weight than I thought.

Today, tossed into the mix, is a light snowfall where north of me is facing blizzard conditions after a seventy-degree weekend! I thought Spring was in the air but God has other plans for the world and it isn’t a gay old merry day for Spring, it’s downright winter until March 21 and then some. Maybe another blessing will be in the forced Changing of the Clocks this weekend. Yes, we SPRING FORWARD to lose an hour but we gain an extra hour of sunlight that just might possibly warm our days. Not that I’ve seen much sunlight this winter anyway and I’ve done an abnormal amount of complaining this winter season too. I pray for change with my coming New Year celebration on April 1st.

1 Cor. 15:51 "Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed,"