Too Much to Handle?

Pss.118: 17 “I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord.”

Too much to handle?

What God has done for me…

I’ve never really been a fan of the fictional Super Heroes of the comic world or of the TV/movie world; it’s just not my thing. I’ve always admired the real heroes of the world that took great steps in saving/rescuing/training or changing the people of the world that walks around with blinders on bumping into wall after wall.

The real heroes are the ones with an uncanny strength that endures the prickliest of situations. They walk amid the cactus without getting pricked, they see the rose not the thorn, they hear the Word, not the world; those are the real heroes.

I never saw myself as one of those heroes, that is until…this Lenten season lent me clarity of something and now I see differently. I look around at people who say they are going to diet or give something up and fail in epic proportions after just a month of forgoing the very reason they started the diet in the first place. Their strength is weakened by temptation.

I watch as addictions pull tighter and tighter on the purse strings. I had to watch first hand as my husband wrestled with giving up sugar, Pepsi, and other addictions only to be pulled right back in within two months. I’m not the type of woman who lays demands at my husband’s feet and says change this or else, I don’t judge others for trying something and failing, all I can do is give them a sight of what successfully overcoming the temptations looks like, and sit and watch them walk or fall. 

I realized something this month, I have the strength of a T-Rex and the weakness of the T-Rex with its small little arms unable to reach the very ground he walks. I have the gentleness of a Brontosaurus that sees herbs, leaves, and plants as the nutrition of choice. I also feel that the likes of me are extinct in nature and I forage looking for someone, something, anything that shares my determination to live. People are remiss in understanding the strength needed to survive in this world today. They give up all too easily or turn a blind eye, puffing themselves up literally and metaphorically.

You might say that I’ve not always been this strong and you’d be wrong. I didn’t realize it when I was young of course because I was too busy surviving. I didn’t just one day ‘decide’ to be strong, give something up, take the road less traveled, this was my nature from my very beginning. I think I only just realized my strength, in seeing others falter over and over and unable to show very little semblance of strength. 

Okay, where did my strength come from? I can only attribute the unending strength of God Himself. I hear over and over that ‘God never gives you more than you can handle.’ That little piece of solace is based on:

KJV: 1 Corinthians 10:13 “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” 

ESV: “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

AMP version simplified for you: “No temptation [regardless of its source] has overtaken or enticed you that is not common to human experience [nor is any temptation unusual or beyond human resistance]; but God is faithful [to His word—He is compassionate and trustworthy], and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability [to resist], but along with the temptation He [has in the past and is now and] will [always] provide the way out as well, so that you will be able to endure it [without yielding, and will overcome temptation with joy].

I believe that God does give you MORE than you can handle and this is where your strength is built up and sustained but notice also … “but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”

I look back at my life; psoriasis arrived on the scene at around fourteen about the same time I converted from Catholicism to Christianity. Tempted by the wiles of men and alcohol, one man in particular whom I ended up marrying and staying married to for twenty years. At twenty-one, the legal age to drink, I gave up alcohol and further pursued the God who ‘provided a way out’ so I was ‘able to endure’ the path or what I like to deem ‘the road less traveled’! 

At thirty-seven, God was pulling me in a different direction. He had seen that not only had I endured but all the trying to save those around me I had done failed. He then called me to a completely different set of surroundings but I’d have to give up ALL of my possessions, save for my child, clothes and a few writings and odds and ends, that was it. I followed. The length of His arm was all that I had to strengthen me and it was enough to carry me over one thousand miles away.

Six years of reflection, healing, and growth were my years in the Texas sun. Then we were called to the center of the United States in the form of the heartland in the Midwest called Nebraska. It was here that my husband went blind, and had his sight restored two-and-a-half years later. It is here where I grew in strength for my Lord and Savior, feeding off the purity of souls that He surrounded me with physically and virtually. It is here where arthritis appeared and my body weakened but my strength kept growing and growing.

I thought I had had ‘more than I could handle’ but God poured out a little more in way of the life-changing diagnosis of Cancer. Yup, the Big C is what I was now dished out to overcome and strengthen myself with. I thought for sure I had met my end but God assured me that it was only the beginning of His plan! What was even bigger was that He asked me to trust in Him and not man to be the Almighty Healer that He is! This is where many people say, ‘C’mon now, that is just too far! God would never do that!’ Well, guess what people, He did, to ME! He gave me MORE than I could handle!

Now the task in front of me was to trust in Him [not man], lean not on my own understanding [ego], and use the very talents I was given [writing and research] as a tool in building an even stronger me. Onward I go, fast after fast, feast after feast, sight after site, [yes you read that right], and person after person I will change as I grow and hopefully teach them a lesson they can carry with them as they too are given ‘more than they can handle’. I am now a hundred pound weakling overcoming the impossible with the strength of David fighting the massive Goliath.

As I watch the weakened fall, I hand you strength to carry on in Him who is the Almighty Healer with an arm and hand stretched out to you and all you have to do is surrender your ALL [not just small portions ie: I’ll give up this but not that]. I believe it is at that time where you’re given too much to handle that you will find YOUR strength in enduring what God can do for you. 

1 Chron. 16:34 “O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good; for his mercy endureth for ever.”

All Glory to God

1 Cor. 10:31 “Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the Glory of God.”

All Glory to God

Have you ever had one of those days where you woke to a crisp cold morning and felt like just staying nestled under the covers a while longer in the warmth of your bed? Yeah, I think we all have those kinds of days, and more times than not we have to force ourselves into the cold because of work, school, whatever, we wake and go. 

My job these days is giving Glory to God. That’s not a job, you might say but if you knew the pain I was in this past couple of weeks, you’d admit, it’s one chore that you wouldn’t look forward to for sure. I wake and am like a stick pretzel, very stiff from a long night of sleep. I’m prompted to wake, I force myself out of bed and begin my day, all for the Glory of God.

I cannot abandon the job He’s set aside just for me. I’m sure He has others doing jobs for Him but we are unique in our own way. I use my talent to glorify Him in any way I can whether poetry or a post guided by Him. It’s a unique job, but one I never in any way felt capable of doing. But when people say they get it! That the message spoke to THEM, it is at that time I feel my work is for a solid purpose.

I imagine all of the significant people (and some who seem non-significant) all felt the same exact way. Here they were living life, loving God and God stopped them short of continuing and asked them to do something major for Him. How much are we unlike the very people in the Bible?

I believe we’re all like at least one person in the Bible and that is the reason why the book resonates with us, we see ourselves in Esther, Sara, Ruth, Job, Paul or Peter. The list of people in the bible is very long. Is there someone in the Bible you connect with and after reading stand there thinking, 'that is me’? What has God called you, in this generation to do for others?

I was strolling along in life feeling like Mary Magdalene, the repentant prostitute who sat at Jesus’ feet, who sat below Him as He was hung on the cross, then at other times I connect with Job on many levels of feeling worthy and loved, but then discouraged only to find the love of God again and that I fit into His plan after all. 

How many of you sitting there reading this don’t feel worthy enough to put yourself in the shoes of a person in the Bible? So many of us don’t feel worthy to kiss the ground Jesus walked on; we feel like the onlooker watching as Jesus carried the cross or the person sitting at home going on with their daily chores as such a commotion as the hanging of an innocent man went on ‘up the road’.

Me, when I’m feeling unworthy and down I try with everything I have to connect with just one person in the Bible. This is the only way I can find a connection to this world and not as an alien on my home planet. 

The other night we watched the children’s movie Inside Out. I relate to that movie on many levels although it was targeted to be a children’s movie. Who did I relate to? Joy, sadness, fear, anger, or disgust? Every character was a portion of the main character’s personality. Riley’s family had moved her away from her familiarity into a big city of unknown. She feared, she was angry and mad and we had to witness all the worlds in her personality shatter and fall apart. In the end, we learned that we can’t have joy without the pain of sadness.

In the simplest form, that is what the Holy Bible is all about, finding joy through the pain; finding the light at the end of the tunnel. While I often feel alone and alienated in this world, I can at any moment pick up the Bible and relate to one (if not many) people in the bible. I wake in the morning and God is my first ‘go to being’ so I can begin my day. It is the only time I don’t feel so alone.

As I look out at the broken world and pieces of the puzzle are scattered on the floor I try extremely hard to find a fitting puzzle piece. Where do I fit in? How can I accomplish all that God has set out before me? How do I make a picture out of nothingness?

For three, almost four weeks now, I have woke in the morning and grabbed my cane to walk. I’ve led you down my path where I unknowingly fell off protocol and struggled to get back up again. Something happened this week. On the seventh of March, my mother-in-law wrote me an email and asked how I was doing. Did she really want to know or was she just being like everyone else and asking because she didn’t know how to approach me?

I had to wait two days to respond because at the time the email came in I was bitter and angry and not willing to lash out at her, I had to stop and think. On the ninth, I wrote her a letter and told her the truth. I explained going off protocol and eating wheat bread had nearly destroyed me and how my severe pain had returned.

A week passed before I received a response. My sister-in-law was visiting her from Arizona with her two kids and my m-i-l was busy with catering to them I imagine and more than likely didn’t turn her computer on one time. It was during that week that satan knocked on my door with his lovely doubt and fear message. 

“She doesn’t care about you, she’s too busy to be bothered with you. People have lives unlike yourself. No one cares about your pain!”

Yessiree, for an entire pain-filled, cane-embracing week, he was walking around my house like he owned it. I had weakened.

Sister-in-law went home on the sixteenth and poof like a magical leprechaun spun his little hand and poked his head in (I’m kidding here) my m-i-l sent me an email on the seventeenth. She said she was glad that I was so honest with my pain because now she knew where to target her prayers for me. I honestly was thinking ‘yeah right’ as satan was still here wandering around the cold gloomy days. I didn’t write back as I was still harboring resentment of her week of no response.

Sunday morning came, I reached for my cane to get out of bed. I woke, I walked but didn’t feel the need for it. Again, I was thinking, yeah right, I’ll need it in a bit, after my shower I bet. Guess what? It is Wednesday and I haven’t used my cane this week. Oh, I grab it because I’m not totally surrendering as I should be, but today, I feel like satan has packed his bags and is now huffing and puffing because once again he realized THERE IS POWER IN PRAYER!

Moral of the story? We might all feel like Thomas, doubting the power of God, second-guessing our purpose because of the pain we’re in but rest assured my friend, God has YOU in His hands even when satan thinks he is gaining ground. Our God is BIGGER and more powerful, and PRAYER HEALS! Through the pain, I give ALL GLORY TO GOD! On a dusty traveled road, I see Light at the end of the tunnel! I feel joy in the midst of my sorrow. 

Matt. 5:16 KJV “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”

"Stuff It"

meet Spidey, my 13-yr.-old houseplant

Pss. 64:1 “Hear my voice, O God, in my prayer: preserve my life from fear of the enemy.”

Stuff It

I’ve been telling you about my emails targeting me? Well this morning’s email, once again, gave me a God-slap moment. It came right out and basically said, ‘stuff it’! Okay, it didn’t tell me to stuff it, that’s what it said I’m doing with my emotional baggage instead of surrendering the juice of the problems up to God.

I figured the reason a person likes reading my blog is that they connect with my blunt honesty of any given subject. I really try not to sugarcoat anything I’m experiencing; I lay it all out there for you to read. So why am I being told that I’m really stuffing my emotional baggage when it comes to God? I’m supposed to be getting rid of it all so I can heal, remember? Total surrender, remember?

Apparently, I’ve been stuffing it! I loved this line in my Bible Gateway email by Amy Carroll, she said it was a famous punch line so I’m not stealing it from her. 

“Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt.” 

There it is. I think I’m surrendering my emotional baggage all to God but really it’s a form of denial when I suppress the meat of the problem. God doesn’t want the orange; He wants the juice, pulp and all! He doesn’t want a lamb chop, He demands the entire Lamb! Wow! 

In other words, God doesn’t want our artsy fartsy lifestyle laid before Him, like our religiously reading of the Bible, our attending church, getting everything scripturally right, or our loving thy neighbor. Yes, these things are all well and good, but God wants our pains, the heart, the soul of man and all of the ugly portions, not just the package wrapped up neatly with a bow! We never give Him what keeps us awake at night, we give him our day, we give him all the cute parts that we think He’ll enjoy seeing from us.

I may read too much into things these days but the accuracy is chilling. Another example, I received my Neck Traction Device. An email came with a picture stating it had been delivered, but there was something missing from my purchase that I didn’t know I was supposed to get (maybe that free item had expired), there was a silk mask. You know the kind, the ones that gently go over your eyes for a better nights rest? It hides the light so you can sleep better. I didn’t get one. I thought, now I know why, I’m already wearing one! I may already have the Light in me, but I hide the rest thinking He can’t see the mush that’s still there. He let me know, HE SEES IT ALL!

Think of it like this. You are baggage on a conveyer belt at the airport, before you can go on to your next destination, you need to be scanned by an x-ray so you don’t get anything over on ‘the powers-that-be’. The one time I went on a plane I was a little surprised my pen that hides a very pointy letter opener inside, made it through the x-ray, the rifling of my purse, the checks and double checks, but my underwire bra set off the beep on the scanning process!

You see how I over think things? I’m thinking I’m baggage being scanned and everything is exposed but still, there is that ever so small portion that is hidden inside that might not be detected. I’m telling you, know that God is seeing your hidden emotional baggage! He detects it all. He knows when you’re giving it all to Him and when you’re hiding a small portion. Stop being so selfish and share the very depths of your being with Him; ALL of it!

How do we fix it? Well, it sounds like a tedious chore is at hand but I may be making a mountain out of a molehill. I don’t think so. I seriously have work to do especially if I’m ever to be fully healed and rid of this lingering disease. First, I’m adding to my much-needed break. I need this time to look at the whole picture and reassess the ever-long journey I’ve placed myself on. And yes, I’ve taken quite a few breaks in the past forty days but for the wrong reasons. I have a renewed purpose. Don’t read too much into it, my breaks may not be what you’re thinking they mean. REST! I need rest and reassessment!

Psalm 62:5 says, “Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him” (NIV)

Second, I will strengthen my stance by surrendering everything to God and allow Him to be my rock when I’m unbalanced and trying to walk. I’m inviting Him to a feast and I’m not serving up toxic food in the form of a pig or just a spare rib, no, I’m offering him the entire lamb for sacrifice on the x-ray table so he can see the whole me.

Pss. 62:6 “He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved.”

Third finding shelter in His arms as the tears begin flowing downstream releasing denial into the river in Egypt. I am healed by His blood, I am strong in His arms, I am protected by his Light!

Pss. 62:8 “Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.”

I can tell you’re all intrigued by this journey of mine. If only to see my success because you’re a dear friend or a person who just needed a little spark to reassess their life. I’m your go-to person! Whatever you do, don’t tell me to just stuff it because I’ll tell you to get out of your own denial and unpack. You're home and now is the time to make sure your bag is empty so you can go to the REAL home that awaits you to be delivered. 

All praise and Glory to God! 

geese! 

Total Surrender

Romans 8:28 KJV “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

 “I may be down but don’t you DARE count me out!” ~ Joni

Total Surrender

Even I didn’t understand total surrender. Sometimes I think I have it down but God reminds me all too often that I am not much unlike Job, I lack patience.

Two days this week I’ve woken with so much pain, just trying to step into the shower was not an option. My legs and back were riddled with torment, cane in hand it took everything I had just to make it to the bathroom. I’ve cried a lot this week, in pain, anger, bitterness, and confusion. What happened? I was feeling good and moving right along and it was all taken away in a matter of days.

I didn’t allow fear and doubt to surface instead what arose was impatience. That to me is just as bad as insecurity, doubt and fear. One thing that I still have is my writing. Even when I just want to curl in a ball God reminds me that He gave me a talent and that I shouldn’t just use it for sharing my words with the world, it is a tool in my healing arsenal too. I don’t write for clicks and comments I write to release. 

My morning ritual still consists of reading my bible. I don’t care how much pain I’m in, the bible is like a comfortable pillow that softens the blow of a setback. I read my Encouragement For Today by Bible Gateway, then immerse myself in the scriptures that are used throughout the email. Only recently have I felt that is wasn’t enough so I signed up for a new email, Crosswalk.

“Job didn’t understand why he had to suffer so much. So, throughout the book of Job, we see him expressing heartache and anger at the pain and suffering God was allowing. We also see evidence of his impatience regarding how long it was taking God to bring about restoration." -Excerpt from Bible Gateway

Yesterday was another pain-filled day and my bible was my only source of relief. I read my Bible Gateway and there sat a message for me (all too often this happens), directed right at my soul! It was about total surrender and talked about Job and his impatience. It also spoke of endurance.

I thought nothing of it and went on with writing, not reading my Crosswalk email because I was caught up in reading the word and writing my post but I still wasn’t getting the message of Total Surrender, I thought I already understood but apparently God knows more than me and I was led to read Crosswalk. What I found there was a rare event! The same exact story by Tracie Miles – God Can Restore What’s Lost and Broken.

Here’s an excerpt, used without permission, but giving Tracie Miles full credit! 

“Yet through it all — and despite his human emotions — Job never doubted that full surrender and trust was necessary. In Job 1:21b he even says, “The LORD gave me what I had, and the LORD has taken it away. Praise the name of the LORD!” Despite his suffering, he trusted God’s will for his life and continued to praise Him. As a result, not only did Job’s faith soar, but his life did as well.” ~Tracie Miles, Bible Gateway AND Crosswalk

As a writer, I found it odd that TWO different emails would publish the same exact story on the same day! They’ve been different for weeks now, what was it about today that needed them to both be in sync? Me! Yup, that’s right! I NEEDED to understand the meaning that passed me by, evidently, of Total Surrender!

When I cried out, “What happened to me? Why am I in such pain?” He responded with Total Surrender! THAT is what I was lacking, not a vitamin or supplement, I was lacking giving it all to God and being patient in His response. I was too comfortable in my dependency on God and in all honesty I think I may have had an air of certainty, arrogance and possibly vanity.

Last night at 8:30 a knock at the door came and it was UPS. He had my neck traction device! I squealed with joy and quickly opened the package and put it to use. This morning I woke, after just thirty minutes of the device last night, I felt rejuvenated. Oh, there will be more sittings with my device, and more pain as I go along, but today after yesterday’s realization of what I was doing wrong, I woke with HOPE! Optimism that today is a new day!

With hope on my shoulder, the air of overconfidence shifted, and a new day of what Total Surrender looks like, I move forward.

May God be with you ALL!

Yesterday’s other scripture verse for me. Not coincidental!

Romans 4:18-21 (NIV) “Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead -- since he was about a hundred years old -- and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.”