Flower of Effort ~ A Mother's Day poem for ME

Ezek.: 19:10 "Thy mother is like a vine in thy blood, planted by the waters: she was fruitful and full of branches by reason of many waters."

Flower of Effort

copyright © Adam Zipp

Rainbows over a sun settled sea

Gardens flowing in an effortless breeze

Time forever changing

We ask ourselves what it means to be

Similar to a tree

Trunk so tall and thick

Bark as tough as brick

Growing in an open field

A spot that's hard to pick

Stoic and unmoving

Green and forever growing

Not everyone can be such a powerful thing

Some must settle to grow as a flower

To make up for their lacking in power

Through effort and courage

To withstand the weather

And the cold that comes in November

To understand the effort

Know what lies beneath the dirt

A mask to cover the pain and hurt

Rain softens the soil

That brings the flower its comfort

In trying times

Be like the flower

with wind blowing chimes

Signs of future rain showers

So spread your petals and let them climb

No one could be prouder.

~~~~    *  ~~~~

No need to rip this apart with crits. This was my loving Mother's Day gift from my son, who happens to be following in m footsteps as a writer and poet and I couldn't be more proud!

Thank you, Adam! I love you!

The Bridge to Healing

Image by R.J. Hembree

used with permission

Psalm 27:7,9-10 (NIV)

Hear my voice when I call, O LORD; be merciful to me and answer me. ... Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, O God my Savior. Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.

The Bridge to Healing

I look toward the end of the bridge and am shaken. I fear heights and have been over bridges like this in the past only to be shaken by a mean brother who loved seeing fear take hold of me and watching me cower on my knees, afraid to venture to the other side. When faced with a challenge, as a child, I often cowered, trying to wear a brave face.  When bullies attacked or when shame surrounded me like a little girl standing in the center of a cornfield, I would panic, shake, then drop to my knees, or run for my life.

I learned the hard way that you can't run forever and you also can't run over the bridge, unless you're a fearless soul. I'm not fearless, I'm human. I see this long bridge as a path to healing, fear on either side, but the beauty that lay up ahead when healing is complete. My journey with this disease began in confidence, fear was far from me as I started the trek across the sturdy wooden bridge. Then it hit me almost a year into my confident walk, I looked down instead of ahead, midway across the bridge.

I looked forward, I looked behind me, I was shaken and stirred as if someone was with me on the bridge trying to throw me from the path that I was on. My hair swirled around me as I kept looking back and forth, confidence stored in the clouds, fear in the rushing waters below. I was frozen. Mid-December I became less and less confident, my pain rose, my ability to focus waned. Surrounded by positive and negative vibrations, all meshed together and I was cowering in the center of the bridge, halfway to my destination. How could this happen, how could I lose the very confidence I started over the bridge with, what happened?

I know what happened; every pain, every lump and bump were echoing sounds from below in the rushing river. I looked over the edge and it crumbled me as it had in the past. I was staring death straight in the face, in my mind. I couldn't let go, no one was there to save me. No one was there to rebuild my confidence. Prayers continued for me but I felt that they were too far away for me in the trembling of my knees.

Then I remembered the clouds; the clouds that lined the end of the bridge, that feathered over the sky as protection from the baking sun. What I was seeking was not below in rushing waters, in echoing fears, in rocky mountains, what I was after was the healing that only my God above could restore. A month, two months passed and I was growing weary just crumbled in the middle of the bridge, I needed to rise and peer at the sky and remember the reason all of this took place to begin with. 

Someone walked onto the bridge in a tip-toe fashion and handed me a cane then went on to the other side where they stood motioning me forward. Me, I was slowly rebuilding confidence, my pain was easing, my knees more steady as I stood and began to take a step toward the end of the bridge. I was powering onto the finish line where friends were now cheering me on. The fog had lifted and I could see their faces at the end of the bridge. Looking around was no longer scary, it was becoming a part of the journey, it was fine tuning my eye to the promise of healing.

The cane slowly slipped from my hands as I was no longer in need of the crutch. The worn wood no longer held slivers of fear between them, they held solidarity in my foothold. The end looked like the promise I was guaranteed by the Lord Himself. The sky held beauty and with each step, I went forward to the healing that all were anticipating.

Moral of the story: Don't let fear stop you from moving ahead in your journey. Don't let the vibration pull of positivity and negativity own you and blanket you in fear. Grab hold of the reins of confidence and drown out the rushing waters below; listen to the sounds hidden in the clouds that only a fined tuned eye can see and ears can hear.

Ez. 12:2 “Son of man, thou dwellest in the midst of a rebellious house, which have eyes to see, and see not; they have ears to hear, and hear not: for they are a rebellious house.”

Quotation Saturday ~ Strength - Courage

Rescued tiger, from neglect and abuse

Deut. 31:6 “Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.”

STRENGTH

“If you were born with the weakness to fall you were born with the strength to rise” 
― Rupi Kaur

“Challenge and adversity are meant to help you know who you are. Storms hit your weakness, but unlock your true strength.” 
― Roy T. Bennett

“I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death” 
― Leonardo da Vinci

“My child, the troubles and temptations of your life are beginning, and may be many; but you can overcome and outlive them all if you learn to feel the strength and tenderness of your Heavenly Father as you do that of your earthly one. The more you love and trust Him, the nearer you will feel to Him, and the less you will depend on human power and wisdom. His love and care never tire or change, can never be taken from you, but may become the source of lifelong peace, happiness, and strength. Believe this heartily, and go to God with all your little cares, and hopes, and sins, and sorrows, as freely and confidingly as you come to your mother.” 
― Louisa May Alcott

PERSISTENCE

“Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can't practice any other virtue consistently.” 
― Maya Angelou

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan Press On! has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.” 
― Calvin Coolidge

“Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence.” 
― Hal Borland

“The sky is not my limit...I am.” 
― T.F. Hodge

POWER

“Be not the slave of your own past - plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep, and swim far, so you shall come back with new self-respect, with new power, and with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.” 
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Patience is power.
Patience is not an absence of action;
rather it is "timing"
it waits on the right time to act,
for the right principles
and in the right way.” 
― Fulton J. Sheen

“One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we’ve been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. We’re no longer interested in finding out the truth. The bamboozle has captured us. It’s simply too painful to acknowledge, even to ourselves, that we’ve been taken. Once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back.” 
― Carl Sagan

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a
listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all
of which have the potential to turn a life around.” 
― Leo F. Buscaglia

CHALLENGE

“These are the times in which a genius would wish to live. It is not in the still calm of life, or the repose of a pacific station, that great characters are formed. The habits of a vigorous mind are formed in contending with difficulties. Great necessities call out great virtues. When a mind is raised, and animated by scenes that engage the heart, then those qualities which would otherwise lay dormant, wake into life and form the character of the hero and the statesman.” 
― Abigail Adams

“Life is about accepting the challenges along the way, choosing to keep moving forward, and savoring the journey.” 
― Roy T. Bennett

“That is the challenge Companion. To take what has happened to you and learn from it. Nothing is quite so destructive as pity, especially self-pity. No event in life is so terrible that one cannot rise above it.” 
― Robin Hobb

“The strong-minded rise to the challenge of their goals and dreams. The weak-minded become haters.” 
― Steve Maraboli

COURAGE

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” 
― Lao Tzu

“You cannot swim for new horizons until you have courage to lose sight of the shore.” 
― William Faulkner

“Don't be afraid of your fears. They're not there to scare you. They're there to let you know that something is worth it.” 
― C. JoyBell C. 

“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.” 
― August Wilson

All Glory to God

1 Cor. 10:31 “Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the Glory of God.”

All Glory to God

Have you ever had one of those days where you woke to a crisp cold morning and felt like just staying nestled under the covers a while longer in the warmth of your bed? Yeah, I think we all have those kinds of days, and more times than not we have to force ourselves into the cold because of work, school, whatever, we wake and go. 

My job these days is giving Glory to God. That’s not a job, you might say but if you knew the pain I was in this past couple of weeks, you’d admit, it’s one chore that you wouldn’t look forward to for sure. I wake and am like a stick pretzel, very stiff from a long night of sleep. I’m prompted to wake, I force myself out of bed and begin my day, all for the Glory of God.

I cannot abandon the job He’s set aside just for me. I’m sure He has others doing jobs for Him but we are unique in our own way. I use my talent to glorify Him in any way I can whether poetry or a post guided by Him. It’s a unique job, but one I never in any way felt capable of doing. But when people say they get it! That the message spoke to THEM, it is at that time I feel my work is for a solid purpose.

I imagine all of the significant people (and some who seem non-significant) all felt the same exact way. Here they were living life, loving God and God stopped them short of continuing and asked them to do something major for Him. How much are we unlike the very people in the Bible?

I believe we’re all like at least one person in the Bible and that is the reason why the book resonates with us, we see ourselves in Esther, Sara, Ruth, Job, Paul or Peter. The list of people in the bible is very long. Is there someone in the Bible you connect with and after reading stand there thinking, 'that is me’? What has God called you, in this generation to do for others?

I was strolling along in life feeling like Mary Magdalene, the repentant prostitute who sat at Jesus’ feet, who sat below Him as He was hung on the cross, then at other times I connect with Job on many levels of feeling worthy and loved, but then discouraged only to find the love of God again and that I fit into His plan after all. 

How many of you sitting there reading this don’t feel worthy enough to put yourself in the shoes of a person in the Bible? So many of us don’t feel worthy to kiss the ground Jesus walked on; we feel like the onlooker watching as Jesus carried the cross or the person sitting at home going on with their daily chores as such a commotion as the hanging of an innocent man went on ‘up the road’.

Me, when I’m feeling unworthy and down I try with everything I have to connect with just one person in the Bible. This is the only way I can find a connection to this world and not as an alien on my home planet. 

The other night we watched the children’s movie Inside Out. I relate to that movie on many levels although it was targeted to be a children’s movie. Who did I relate to? Joy, sadness, fear, anger, or disgust? Every character was a portion of the main character’s personality. Riley’s family had moved her away from her familiarity into a big city of unknown. She feared, she was angry and mad and we had to witness all the worlds in her personality shatter and fall apart. In the end, we learned that we can’t have joy without the pain of sadness.

In the simplest form, that is what the Holy Bible is all about, finding joy through the pain; finding the light at the end of the tunnel. While I often feel alone and alienated in this world, I can at any moment pick up the Bible and relate to one (if not many) people in the bible. I wake in the morning and God is my first ‘go to being’ so I can begin my day. It is the only time I don’t feel so alone.

As I look out at the broken world and pieces of the puzzle are scattered on the floor I try extremely hard to find a fitting puzzle piece. Where do I fit in? How can I accomplish all that God has set out before me? How do I make a picture out of nothingness?

For three, almost four weeks now, I have woke in the morning and grabbed my cane to walk. I’ve led you down my path where I unknowingly fell off protocol and struggled to get back up again. Something happened this week. On the seventh of March, my mother-in-law wrote me an email and asked how I was doing. Did she really want to know or was she just being like everyone else and asking because she didn’t know how to approach me?

I had to wait two days to respond because at the time the email came in I was bitter and angry and not willing to lash out at her, I had to stop and think. On the ninth, I wrote her a letter and told her the truth. I explained going off protocol and eating wheat bread had nearly destroyed me and how my severe pain had returned.

A week passed before I received a response. My sister-in-law was visiting her from Arizona with her two kids and my m-i-l was busy with catering to them I imagine and more than likely didn’t turn her computer on one time. It was during that week that satan knocked on my door with his lovely doubt and fear message. 

“She doesn’t care about you, she’s too busy to be bothered with you. People have lives unlike yourself. No one cares about your pain!”

Yessiree, for an entire pain-filled, cane-embracing week, he was walking around my house like he owned it. I had weakened.

Sister-in-law went home on the sixteenth and poof like a magical leprechaun spun his little hand and poked his head in (I’m kidding here) my m-i-l sent me an email on the seventeenth. She said she was glad that I was so honest with my pain because now she knew where to target her prayers for me. I honestly was thinking ‘yeah right’ as satan was still here wandering around the cold gloomy days. I didn’t write back as I was still harboring resentment of her week of no response.

Sunday morning came, I reached for my cane to get out of bed. I woke, I walked but didn’t feel the need for it. Again, I was thinking, yeah right, I’ll need it in a bit, after my shower I bet. Guess what? It is Wednesday and I haven’t used my cane this week. Oh, I grab it because I’m not totally surrendering as I should be, but today, I feel like satan has packed his bags and is now huffing and puffing because once again he realized THERE IS POWER IN PRAYER!

Moral of the story? We might all feel like Thomas, doubting the power of God, second-guessing our purpose because of the pain we’re in but rest assured my friend, God has YOU in His hands even when satan thinks he is gaining ground. Our God is BIGGER and more powerful, and PRAYER HEALS! Through the pain, I give ALL GLORY TO GOD! On a dusty traveled road, I see Light at the end of the tunnel! I feel joy in the midst of my sorrow. 

Matt. 5:16 KJV “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”

Quotation Saturday ~

1 Tim 6:12 “Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses.”

COURSE

“A complete stranger has the capacity to alter the life of another irrevocably. This domino effect has the capacity to change the course of an entire world. That is what life is; a chain reaction of individuals colliding with others and influencing their lives without realizing it. A decision that seems minuscule to you, may be monumental to the fate of the world.” 
― J.D. Stroube

“You have to have more than hope to get what you want in life.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“Never give up in life, give your wholehearted try to every challenge coming your way even though the challenge seems impossible and much beyond your reach and potential.” 
― Pravin Agarwal

“Every person you meet in your life is your destiny. We alter the course of every life we touch, whether we realize it or not.” 
― Dannika Dark

CONTROVERSY

“At first, they'll only dislike what you say, but the more correct you start sounding the more they'll dislike you.” 
― Criss Jami

“Within any important issue, there are always aspects no one wishes to discuss.” 
― George Orwell

“People don't want children to know what they need to know. They want their kids to know what they ought to need to know. If you're a teacher you're in a constant battle with mildly deluded adults who think the world will get better if you imagine it is better. You want to teach about sex? Fine, but only when they're old enough to do it. You want to talk politics? Sure, but nothing modern. Religion? So long as you don't actually think about it. Otherwise, some furious mob will come to your house and burn you for a witch.” 
― Nick Harkaway

“Stigma's power lies in silence. The silence that persists when discussion and action should be taking place. The silence one imposes on another for speaking up on a taboo subject, branding them with a label until they are rendered mute or preferably unheard.” 
― M.B. Dallocchio

FIGHT

“Stand firm in the Lord. Stand firm and let Him fight your battle. Do not try to fight alone.” 
― Francine Rivers

“Learn to value yourself, which means: fight for your happiness.” 
― Ayn Rand

“Resistance is a sign that shows you're going the right way” 
― Constance Friday

“Alone, I can do nothing. Where two or three are gathered I have mounted an army willing to go into battle with me! Eternity is within my grasp.”
~ Joni Zipp

POWER

“Power resides only where men believe it resides. [...] A shadow on the wall, yet shadows can kill. And ofttimes a very small man can cast a very large shadow.” 
― George R.R. Martin

“The day the power of love overrules the love of power, the world will know peace.” 
― Mahatma Gandhi

“Will he plead against me with his great power? No; but he would put strength in me.”
Job 23:6, The Holy Bible

“I will not submit to the powers that want to take hold of my words. I will not give up without a fight. I am honored to carry the burden of life on my shoulder. The eternal path is the one that’s right.”
~ Joni Zipp

Pss. 21:13 “Be thou exalted, LORD, in thine own strength: so will we sing and praise thy power.”

Faith: Your Gateway to Health

Luke 4:40 “Now when the sun was setting, all they that had any sick with divers diseases brought them unto him; and he laid his hands on every one of them, and healed them.”

Faith: Your Gateway to Health

Faith, support, determination, and change, all adds up to HEALTHY!

One by one, these will have their own individual topics along with exercise. Since HEALTH is our goal, I’m going to try and help you achieve a goal. Set yourself a small goal. A hurdle of sorts. No need to tell me what it is, maybe write it down on a piece of paper so that you can overcome the hurdle then tell me about how well you did. I want to be a person of support so please feel free to ask me questions or tell me about your success (or failure). I want to rejoice in support of you!

I know you’ve all heard the term ‘born again’ and biblically that means being born again as a new person in the Spirit of Christ. Well, by the end of the year I’d like to see friends renewing their health and feeling born again physically! I want you to feel the regeneration I have felt since last January. I don’t feel like a person of ill health, I feel the best I have in my life. Still a way to go but you’re all with me; we can do this together! 

Today I’m going to talk about faith. Now don’t go running away because you’re a non-believer, I have something for everyone, I don’t want you to be left behind. I want you healthy! The only way to become healthy is to have faith. While my faith is based solely on God, yours might be tied to a Higher Power, Mother Nature, the Universe or a spirit realm, whatever you hold to be bigger than you at times of doubt and fear, now is the time to turn and hold on for dear life because change is never an easy task to undertake.

Task, you might say, YES! You have to work for anything you want in life and if you don’t want to be sick and at the doctors all the time, now is the time for CHANGE! It looks to me like we live in a world of people who are content, content with being overweight, settled in their ugly habits of overindulging, regretting mistakes but not knowing where to begin. I’m here to tell you that faith is where you begin.

When people feel disgruntled they immediately look for a comfort food. When someone has hurt feelings they hide behind the mask of feel-good eating and drinking. They don’t try and resolve the problems of being hurt, shamed, or ridiculed they turn to something to make them feel not so bad, and food is usually the go-to culprit. For me I didn’t turn to food, I turned to drugs and alcohol but later learned to trust more in God and my inner self than an outside physical feel good vice. I don’t know if I’ve ever come right out and told you all this but I was bullied as a kid. I’m a survivor of being excruciatingly bullied!

From an early age the name-calling, hair pulling, the punches and being chased down the street, being bullied was my life. Whether it was my sister and brothers doing the bullying or my (non) friends at school who literally pushed me from their circle, I was bullied. I was teased because I was too thin, too pretty, my teeth weren’t aligned right, my clothes were from the ‘cheap’ store, my shoes were worn, my hand-me-downs evident. 

I did overindulge on candy and sweets as a child, maybe that is why I never cared much for them as an adult. They were vices to hide my pain. Heal the pain the vice is no longer needed. I turned to alcohol and drugs, other vices to hide pain and the more I turned to my faith, I no longer needed those indulgences to get by in life.

With my faith, I overcame my addictions to drugs, alcohol, and sweets. Yes, just with FAITH. Not meds and doctors, not patches and pills, not even vitamins. I thought I was healthy except for my psoriasis, the embarrassing skin affliction of which labeled me as unhealthy. I did have the chronic ailment under control at one time but you add stress and upheaval (divorce) to the mix, your ailments react and resurface.

Then January 25, 2017 hit me with a cannonball to the gut, a disease that was known around the globe as a ‘killer’. While I had lost numerous friends and family to the disease, I didn’t feel that this disease was as devastating as it was made out to be. My faith grew ten sizes too big that day as I was cradled in the arms of the Lord and told that I’d be carried along with my faith. Rely on your faith, the whispers called out. Depend on me and the strength I give you, I heard aloud in my head.

While for a brief moment in time I felt scared, I had to rely on my faith to shake any fears. Faith has never let me down once in my life, why would it now, because the odds are against me? When I was young and being bullied I felt helpless until my faith carried me through. This was not unlike those times being bullied as a child, the doctors were trying to bully me into submission but these were adult bullies. I, as an adult, have the ability to fight back. With my faith intact, I mounted an army of angels that would whisk my fear, doubt, and pains away. Almost instantly, once I moved the bully mountain, God's Light shone through and carried me once again.

Matt. 21:21 “Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done.”

Your faith is your strongest asset in life. Faith being the belief in the unseen, whatever that means to YOU! Use it, trust it, and listen to the inner voice. Faith will do all the fighting for you, you just have to trust and obey. Obeying is the hard part because it is essentially giving your life over to something bigger than you that you can’t control. YOU, my friend, are never in the driver seat, you’re a passenger along for the ride of life. This gift is yours to take care of, not destroy. Your HEALTH is the gift and new batteries to regenerate you are needed if you’ve ‘let yourself go’. Have faith that you can overcome the obstacles in your way; EARNEST faith, not a passive faith. I may need to do another post on faith… it is THAT important to your HEALTH!

Matt. 9:21-22 “For she said within herself, If I may but touch his garment, I shall be whole. But Jesus turned him about, and when he saw her, he said, Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole. And the woman was made whole from that hour.”

Our Daily Bread

Matt. 6:11 "Give us this day our daily bread."

Daily Bread of life

Did you know that doctors are legal drug dealers, they are not our bread of life? If you go to a doctor chances are you’re being dealt legal drugs. You think because he/she is a doctor they know what is best for you for certain. I think we blindly walk into the office thinking this man or woman has got the cure our bodies’ desire.

The mind is a powerful essence. Have you ever gone into a doctors office, left with a prescription, got it filled and went home and popped the pill in your mouth? Did you do any research on the dangers of the drug first? Of course you didn’t because you trust that the doctor knows what is best for you. Your mind is conditioned to believe anything a doctor says.

If you watch television, I’m sure you’ve seen the legal drug commercials, you know, the ones telling you they have the cure for cancer, arthritis, MS, depression and a host of other illnesses. It shows a beautiful, thin person, running, jogging, smiling, no sign of pain? Yeah, because she’s on drugs. She is now a drug addict. A legal drug addict but a drug addict nonetheless.

Did you ever listen to the extremely quickly spewed side effects? May cause liver damage, suicidal tendencies, migraines, brain fog, heart palpitations, skin disease and more. This is what the legal drug dealers sell to YOU! You’re fine with it because the person that sold them to you is a doctor and he MUST know what he’s doing right, he wouldn’t basically kill you now, would he?

I, along with you, have seen too many stars die from these legal drugs just to name some from my era, Michael Jackson, Prince, and Robin Williams. I know you’re gonna say that they abused these prescribed drugs but the truth of the matter is, they TRUSTED their doctor, just like you, to cure them of what ailed them. They too did not read of the side effects because they TRUSTED their doctor.

When I was diagnosed with this dreaded disease and they wanted to sell me their product with words like cure, cure, cure, life, life life, do it, live. The words echoed in my mind like a tuning fork. When I very simply, calmly asked for time to think about it, research the drugs, there was marked frustration and anger filling their voices. I’m talking two oncologists, trained doctors whose job it is to heal! The Hippocratic Oath jargon? They don’t heal; they are drug dealers, nothing more. The antagonists went on to say words like non-committal, fear, and death. Yes sir, those are words you want to hear from a doctor. I myself would like to hear words like heal, health, nutrition, but it is not to be so with doctors, the majority of them anyway.

From Wikipedia: “It is often said that the phrase "First do no harm" (Latin: Primum non nocere) is a part of the Hippocratic oath. The phrase as such does not appear in the oath, although the oath does contain Latin: ... noxamvero et maleficium propulsabo (Also ... I will utterly reject harm and mischief). The phrase "primum non nocere" is believed to date from the 17th century (see detailed discussion in the article on the phrase).

The very Oath that a doctor will swear by is to DO NO HARM, yet they prescribe drugs that are basically going to destroy that which God made. I find it kind of ironic that some dentists don’t like to prescribe antibiotics or pain medications. The dentist I went to told me that the body was made in such a way to heal itself, antibiotics can hinder the immune system from doing what it was made to do.

Faced with this illness, research led me to the prescribed antibiotics I took as a child for mononucleosis, tooth loss, infections, and mercury fillings; as a child! Yes, the illnesses and the prescribed drugs have now come back to haunt me.

So as you sit there ingesting drugs on a daily basis, try to think of the illnesses that ARE going to strike you down the road and rest assured they will strike. What is going to be your first line of defense, taking more drugs from the pill pushing doctor? Sure, because you don’t believe that health and nutrition are the actual cures.

Our daily healthy life sustaining bread has been in us all along and we only needed to tap the source to find a healing or a CURE for ANYTHING that ails us! God wasn’t messing around when He created us, He made our systems in such a fashion that we have the ability within us to heal. Granted, we DO need doctors because we’ve ignored the Holy Spirit, the sustaining waters and bread of life, all of our lives and now we need a pacifier to make us feel all better and to shut us up, we’re programmed that way.

Luke 4:4 "And Jesus answered him, saying, It is written, That man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word of God."

Patience, My Precious

Before the storm

Pss. 47:1  “O clap your hands, all ye people; shout unto God with the voice of triumph.”

Patience, my Precious

We live in a world where we want things and we want them now, our way and it’s the only way, no one is willing to be patient and wait. Oh, they’ll wait for a day or a week or two but that’s it!

We have people who cry out for healing and they want it now, they want a miracle to just poof into existence with no waiting. They don’t want to do anything but sit back, pray and wait for the miracle to enter their lives. Well let me tell you, that is not how it works. 

As anyone can tell you, I am the first person to believe in miracles but even with the conception of a child, you must wait nine months before you see the ‘miracle’ child. Why is childbirth considered a miracle, because not every pregnancy turns into a live birth. Every mother knows the pains that one has to go through before this little miracle comes forth into the world.

So why would any other miracle be any different? What makes you so special that you don’t have to go through pain and suffering? God loves change. He loves it so much he draws us out of our comfort zone and tosses us into a lion’s den, so to speak. He observes, he listens and he hears. I have many non-believer friends who think that is just a cruel God and will not follow or serve anything that doesn’t serve them. People want to be the god of their life. They want to control the good, the bad and the ugly but honestly, I’ve yet to see anyone happy with handling the ugly in life.

Life is hard and people are not willing to have the patience to wait out the storm, they want what they want, when they want it, and they want it now! If my God can’t do that for them, then phooey on my God. If only they could hear how selfish and lonely that sounds.

While I look around and see a nation of give me and wants, I see very few people with the patience of the very people they read and believe in the Bible. Daniel, Ruth, the Hebrews in Egypt, nobody is willing to be THAT patient, believer or not, they want a miracle now!

I am a faithful servant. I’m no different than Job or Moses, Noah or Ruth. Times may have changed, the planet may have changed but God using His servants have not changed one bit. We’re called to endure, we’re asked to be patient, He expects us to be faithful and trust in Him. He wants us to be all He created us to be, His disciplined children.

When I was diagnosed with this disease, it was like I was standing out in left field and instead of catching the ball, it smacked me right in the face! A wake-up call shook me to my knees. Pain, tears, wonder, sorrow, shame the emotions flooded in like the crowd of disgruntled fans as I missed the ball. They were not worried about my face exploding into pieces; the people were too consumed with the loss of the game.

I embrace the diagnosis. While I am not out of the woods yet and still have a long way to go, I choose to be patient and see where it is I’m being led. I am a faithful servant who will cry out to God and ask Him to show me where the path leads. I will patiently wait, in the midst of struggle, the duration of pain, and I will not complain about all I have to endure. I will try and show you how to sail without sails; move forward without a compass, strengthen without food. 

Willpower. Willpower is that force that little David had with him when he went out and fought the giant Goliath. People wonder where this little fella got the strength to fight such a huge beast. Let me tell you, I think I know where he got the strength from, that little thing called faith. Faith in not only one's self but faith in an all-powerful God to be with you and carry you. When you have neither your willpower nor faith, your strength to fight will wane; your patience lost. It is a fact. You have to embrace both.

I am an alien in this world. I am living to die but I am living to obtain an eternal place in the heavens where I am a part of a society where I fit in, belong. 

2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV) “But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.”

Loose Strings

Job 38:31 “Canst thou bind the sweet influences of Pleiades, or loose the bands of Orion?”

Loose Strings

I need to tie up some loose strings from yesterday’s post.

I forgot to mention in yesterday’s post that the day I came home from the doctors I went to sit on the back steps. I wanted to shed a few happy tears and just sit in a quiet moment of prayerful gratitude. I see movement out of the corner of my eye, and right there beside me was my Toady Frog. Yeah, I named him Toady Frog! He was there once again and every day I go out the front or back door, he seems to be near. He’s my new friend. I am actually in the habit now of opening the door and saying, “Where’s my Toady Frog?” If he’s not there he usually is by the next time the door opens.

I also wanted to mention all the stress I was under a month ago. My son seeking a job was really stressing us both, and I as his mother wanted him to succeed in his search, he as a fighter of all things young adult wants to move forward in life and for six months, nothing was panning out. Finally, he got a job he REALLY wanted. The first job at the food store was a food chopper at a salad bar, minimum hours and slave drivers behind the wheel. When the hotel called him, the job he REALLY wanted, he jumped at the offer of more money and more hours! He was happy, and so was I, until he asked for a week off.

Just so you know and I imagine the majority of you do, when your child (young man) makes a decision, it is his own and nothing can stop him. He wanted to take a bus trip out of the state and he had not really planned it out but he was determined. I let it all work out on its own (he eventually changed his mind) and it took my stress away immediately.

Then there was my husband’s tooth pain. I’m sure all of you can relate to a throbbing pain that keeps you up at night popping ibuprofen for what seems every hour on the hour, right? I’ve been there done that, myself.

In doing all of my research these past six months and my new love for coconut oil, I found that the coconut oil was used for tooth pain. Now I didn’t expect hubby to believe me because let's be honest, who would think coconut oil for tooth pain, right? Well, he researched it himself and sure enough, he read that it worked, too.

That night hubby was whooshing coconut oil in his mouth for five minutes. He said the thought of holding coconut oil in your mouth and whooshing it around sounded gross at first but didn’t taste all that bad. Now let me add here, he was ready to take off of work the next day because he was in so much pain and such as it was, it was a Sunday evening. The next day he arose and went into work. When we talked later in the day I asked how his tooth was, his words, “Not bad." He had only taken two ibuprofen because he ‘thought’ the pain would surface but the entire day he went, with no pain! He had made a dentist appointment that day but there was a two-week wait.

Night after night he did the coconut oil and now he swears by the stuff. By the end of the week, he was eating his sweets. The tooth no longer hurt! He went to the dentist when the two weeks were up, and he told his dentist about the oil. The dentist said that the person who had just left told him the same thing about the coconut oil! So here is Joni’s sage advice this day, toothache pain can be resolved with coconut oil. I have the organic coconut oil so I don’t know how well other brands work.

My doctor visit was mounting stress for me too. I knew I needed the visit but sure wasn’t looking forward to setting myself up for a letdown. But as you read yesterday, that problem was resolved too. Everything turned out okay! Waiting for the test results are not stressful because good or bad results, it will be the knowledge I need to move forward in my treatment.

Yesterday came and I woke feeling empowered. I felt like the woman I had been for the last month was gone and the Joni I knew myself to be was back in control. I was ready to face the world and my day after my shower of course.

It was my normal morning cleansing of myself but what happened when I went to dry my hair, I was not expecting. Electric shock! Yes, you read that correctly. I was nonchalantly plugging in my straightening iron and it happened, sparks flew, tingling ran up my fingers and in a micro second the utensil went flying out of my hands, fingers blackened and singed, yet I was alive. Tearful but alive! Grateful but alive! Shaken but ALIVE!

I began to cry and I called my husband in. He was sitting at his computer and came in and asked what happened. All I could do was hold up my blackened fingers and weep. He reached and quickly unplugged the instrument and threw it in the trash. There was an obvious short in the frayed wires. No fire or anything just a nice shock to my system. I jokingly told my husband, “If that doesn’t cure cancer, nothing will!” 

My strings unraveled and I let loose the ties that bound my soul. I’m good, all is well and Joni is almost back to her old self! Look out world! 

Matt. 18: 18 “Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”

Questions and Answers

Pss. 145:17-18 KJV “The LORD is righteous in all his ways, and holy in all his works. The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth.”

Questions and Answers

I think people have more questions than I do answers but I will try my best to give you the most asked questions as I face this battle of a lifetime. I don’t mind answering questions as long as you don’t counter with a negative response, it could cost me what I deem a valuable friendship.

Question: What made you opt out of doing chemo?

Answer: Well, as the oncologist would have me believe, fear. You see they instill fear so you react in fear. Meaning, they give you dire consequences before allowing you to think for yourself and possibly finding an alternative route. 
What made me opt out? Prayer, God’s answers to my prayers, and finding that there ARE options that the doctor’s don’t allow people the chance to know. 

Question: Are you sure you’re not reacting in fear? What makes you so confident?

Answer: Let me ask you, what would make YOU choose chemo, and be honest? How would YOU react and WHY? 
For me, the doctors handed me a dire diagnosis in my eyes. They wanted me to act quickly, so quickly red flags went up in my head overriding the fear. All I asked for is TIME; time to think things through. Their reactions of  ‘Joni’s not committing’ and words like ‘all I hear is fear in your voice, let us help you’, again raised red flags. THEY are the ones I fear; not the diagnosis. I knew right then and there God was answering my prayer. ‘Don’t do it’ He said. So I opted to ‘Just Say No To Drugs’; a motto that carries a lot of weight with me, a thirty-year reformed drug addict.

1 John 5:14, “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.” (NIV)

Question: Why do you have such confidence that you’ll beat this?

Answer: My faith gives me confidence. I’ve been through so much in my life that God has led me through, walked with me, never once led me astray, and now has chosen to lead me again, so I go with confidence in my Lord.

Question: Are you saying my faith isn’t as strong as yours?

Answer: In NO WAY am I saying my faith is stronger. We each individually have our own strengths and weaknesses. Your faith is not my faith and my faith is not your faith. As unique as this diagnosis is to every person, so is our faith and so we must do what we feel is right to US. I would never judge you for choosing chemo, or drugs for what ails you. This is MY walk and MY path and I’m just sharing with you on MY journey. If you ask for what is working for me, by all means, I’ll give you an honest answer but don’t be surprised if it turns into a God talk. *smile* 

Question: Why don’t you say the  C word, is it fear?

Answer: Saying the word c-a-, yeah I can’t even write it; it is not fear that drives me, it is empowerment. If I say it, over and over again, I’m owning the disease. I will not own this illness, this is going to flee from me and it will be the diagnosis and word for other people, just not me. Don’t judge me.

Question: How will you know you’re healed? What does your doctor say?

Answer: Like everything else in my life, I will let God tell me. I prayed for healing and He says through His stripes I am HEALED and I believe that with every fiber of my being. 
My doctor’s not surprisingly have disowned me, washed their hands of me. I imagine them pouting because they failed the pharmaceutical company that drives their pocketbook, but seriously, they’ve moved onto their next victim to instill FEAR into. 
I asked my GP if there were test she could do as I face my recovery and she said flat out, NO, there is no test. Hmm… no scans? No blood test? No measurement? No, nothing? I find that odd! They sure had a lot of toxic tests to diagnose me, but now that I’ve refused chemo, there is no test to see how I’m HEALING?
Again, I’m going to trust God on this one. The One who has NEVER let me down!

Question: What are you doing to heal?

Answer: For one, I searched and researched facts! Second, it is a fact that diet plays a key role in the c-factor. No refined sugars, no carbs, no dairy, no meat, no processed food, no grains (grains are sprayed with pesticides). All toxins need to be eliminated to the BEST of your ability. I switched immediately to a majority of all organic fruit and vegetable diet! Only recently have I allowed, non-chemical laden chicken and eggs into my diet, only because MY BODY was/is telling me what to eat and drink!
I drink purified water, green tea, detox tea, and hibiscus tea. Exciting sounding, isn’t it?
I wash my body with my new Almond soap (no toxic chemicals). I’ve changed deodorant; I now use lavender spray. I have an essential oil diffuser to cleanse the house of toxic mold and pesticides from the fields sneaking into the house. I also now exercise. I take two twenty-minute walks a day (it started out as one fifteen minute walk), weather pending!
I’m taking supplements and I’ve recently discovered the healing power of the sounds of meditative multidimensional music. (No, not rock or classical). Music being used as a healing power, who would’ve thought? Me, that’s who! Yeah, I’m weird like that. 
I’m listening. My body is telling me what I need and God has a trumpet in my ear telling me “You are HEALED! You are HEALTHY! You are WELL!” Onward Christian soldier I go, marching as to war, with the cross of Jesus, going on before. 

Question: Can you tell us the supplements you use? 

Answer: Maybe in another post (too many to mention) as I’m putting together facts for my book I’m writing so I need all of the facts and where I’ve been getting my information to take such supplements. I’m not going into this with blinders on and neither should you if ever diagnosed. Get educated! Gain knowledge! Walk with God!

Question: Don’t you need surgery? Are you going that route?

Answer: My body says NO! The doctor wants to slice me open but in all of my research, I found that it may cause the cells to spread out and go into other parts of my body. No chemo, no radiation, and no slice and dice! Fact: the tumor is not the disease! The tumor is a RESULT of damaged sick cells. Cells are tiny as dust motes. When doctors slice and dice, they take more out even if you say no, they are their own god’s and perform as such. My God is healing all of me not just a portion of me!

Question: Isn’t that asking a lot of your God? 

Answer: A RESOUNDING NO! My God created the universe. Was it too big of a job? Certainly not. He created you and every thread of DNA. Too big of a job? Not in any way, shape or form. My God is an awesome God, He reigns! 

You are free to ask me questions but this topic is not open for debate. I feel debates have a negative overtone and there is no healing in negativity! Am I crazy? Some might say I am, others say I’m brave and courageous, I say I’m just listening, to God, to my body, and the TRUTH! 

All praise and Glory to God in the highest heaven! 

Pss. 9:1 "I will praise thee, O LORD, with my whole heart; I will shew forth all thy marvellous works."

Let Go And Let God: Willpower

Matt. 4:23 “And Jesus went about all Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, and preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing all manner of sickness and all manner of disease among the people.”

Let go and let God: My Willpower

Okay, I realize now I’m the strong one. What would knock someone out completely has me falling apart for a day, maybe, then jumping back up and coming out swinging! Do you remember those weighted punching bags you’d hit over and over and they’d bounce right back in your face? Yup, that’s me!

I have to attribute my strength to God because He is all I’ve known all of my life. He gives me strength to go on in life day after day when a lot of people would rather just give up. I can’t give up, I have a purpose! (No, Naven jokes please.)

I see so many people struggling and only wish I could reach out and help but right now I am so focused on my healing I feel reaching out and giving my ‘Let go and let God sermon’ might be hurtful to a non-believer or a person who just doesn’t want to hear those words. He is all I know, so if you come to me for advice, if you look to me for inspiration, all that you will see is my sermon in action, I let go and let God be the driver every single minute! 

I didn’t give him much credit in driving my willpower vehicle. I didn’t even think I had any. I had hit a brick wall and I was repairing my banged up vehicle when the diagnosis of a lifetime came tapping on my door. I realized right then and there that God pushed me out of the driver seat (because after all, I did bang up my vehicle pretty bad) and He was willing to repair the damage I caused, as always.

What happened the day after my diagnosis is this, I saw a thread on grandma’s afghan. With curiosity in my fingertips, eyebrows raised, I pulled the string to see just where this path was going to lead me. Wouldn’t you know, in two months time the afghan is almost completely unraveled as I am on a warpath of HEALING! 

My first step was taking the afghan and wrapping it around me for warmth. I prayed. I normally pray for everyone else but the next few days my prayer vigil was consumed with me. I prayed for me; for insight, for strength, knowledge, healing and a host of other things. Don’t get me wrong, I put aside time to pray for others in the day but honestly, my prayer was for me the majority of the time.

I was living my sermon, let go and let God. I released everything in a weeks time when I had to visit onc. #1. Sure, she knocked me down like the punching bag but prayer, friends, and love had me rebounding! 

I knew there were things I’d have to do to see this healing through. A drastic change would have to take place and I’d have to pull every bit of strength from the very fiber of my being to tackle this; willpower! Let go and let God!

Healing takes more than taking supplements and I knew this. I’ve learned how other people were healing and what they did, my prayers were being answered daily as I was led to one healing place or another and my willpower kicked into high gear as I put my sermon into action. God was in the driver seat and I was trusting Him as each thread of the afghan was coming unraveled. 

I was being led to Dr. Mercola, Ty Bollinger (The Truth About Cancer), and Chris Wark (Chrisbeatcancer) among other sites that I’d use in my fight against the Nazi oncology invasion! I say Nazi Oncology not loosely, I use it factually. 
From google: “When did chemotherapy start?
The era of cancer chemotherapy began in the 1940s with the first use of nitrogen mustards and folic acid antagonist drugs. Cancer drug development has exploded since then into a multibillion-dollar industry.”

Did you read that, a multi-billion dollar industry? Did you know we basically funded the annihilation of millions of people in Germany? It’s amazing what a little research will find. 

What do the Nuremberg Trials have to do with doctors and Bayer pharmaceuticals? CLICK the links to LEARN. the Doctor's and the Natural News the Big Pharma. 

I do not CARE how much fake science says that mustard gas and chemo are the way to sending this disease into ‘remission’ note, not CURING. I have a spiritual God who has and WILL and does DAILY overthrow false, manipulated science and all they try to mislead people into believing. Pluto not a planet, anyone?

Why would God lead me down this path of discovery if he WANTED me to do chemo? Would He falsely mislead me, would God now become a deceiver in my life? Could satan be using my STRONG faith against me and lead me to this place? The answer is NO! God is, and always will be in control of MY vehicle! And please, your opinion and lack of trust and faith in the God I believe in wholeheartedly will not sway my decision in moving forward with HIM! 

Why would I be led to Spiritually Healing the wrongs in my past? Why would I be led to turmeric, Frankincense, myrrh and the numerous other healing supplements? Why would I be allowed to HEAL if this was not from God? I only know of One Healer! Jesus HEALED the maimed, the blind, the demon possessed, the woman who bled for twelve years, Jesus was put here on this earth to HEAL and that is EXACTLY what is happening to me right this moment! Yes, I DID sign up for the weekly newsletter and FREE report in the link above, TYVM!

When people see me, they see God in action, healing taking place, the strength of my willpower to overcome what ails me. What they don’t see is the clawing my way out of the hell that science and man has placed as an obstruction. People don’t see me daily fighting the enemy. Taking the good and the bad is all the form that willpower takes and the positive truth wins in the end! 

To find the truth that our country, our very government, keeps from us has to be dug up, researched and researched because I think we all know, our governments LIE to us and keeps the truth hidden!

Why is there successful cancer treatment centers in Tijuana Mexico? Why are the Germans leading the cutting edge technology in finding a CURE for cancer? Why is the world finding healing spots for individuals but America doesn’t WANT to find healing for the sick? I’ll tell you why I can’t find a HEALING practitioner in Nebraska, MONEY! It all boils down to where the money is at and HEALING is NOT where the money is, pacifying the Big Pharma corporations is and getting people suckered into a $315,000 YEARLY chemo cancer treatment, per patient is where all the money is! Keeping people addicted to drugs is where the money is located. And you’re wondering why I’m choosing God to treat and HEAL me? Because it is HIM whom I trust more than ANYONE!

In the coming posts, I will show the non-toxic supplements I’m using. I’ll let you into my wonderful herbivore world with the meals that are sustaining me. I’ll allow you to see the spiritual aspects of my healing from prayer to nature’s essential oils, from healing music to physical exercise and the new lease I have on life with my strengthened-everyday-willpower. You can't heal a portion of the body to heal the entire body. One must heal the WHOLE ENTIRE body; mind, body, and spirit! 

Gen. 1: 29 “And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.”

I am winning the battle, although the road is still long, and the finish line is far off downstream, I’m visibly HEALING. At times when I see one set of footprints, it is then that God is carrying me! This week, with the clouds, rain, and dampness, God has asked me to rest. Not from writing, from walking. He knows how determined I am so He’s asked me to take a small break to allow more healing to take place. Today marks nine weeks—on we go friends. 

God bless every one of you on the journey He’s placed you! 

Rev. 22: 2 “In the midst of the street of it, and on either side of the river, was there the tree of life, which bare twelve manner of fruits, and yielded her fruit every month: and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations.”

*edited because it is important to the Grammar Nazi's that my words be perfect. 

I Do Have Bad Days

Prov.1:21-23 "She crieth in the chief place of concourse, in the openings of the gates: in the city she uttereth her words, saying,

How long, ye simple ones, will ye love simplicity? and the scorners delight in their scorning, and fools hate knowledge? Turn you at my reproof: behold, I will pour out my spirit unto you, I will make known my words unto you."

Few and far between, I do have bad days...

As much as I carry ninety-nine percent of my days in positivity, there is always the chance of that little tease of negativity to slither in even without me knowing it was headed my way. 

It’s as if I’ve placed power blockades [GOD] up to protect me but as thin as a sheet of paper, the negative aspect of something simple can slide right under my door without notice.

While I had a great birthday, friends from all over the world wished me a happy birthday and one friend even sent me much-needed supplements to my front door! My son bought me a beautiful ceramic cross with the words, 'Walk by faith, not by sight' on it, my sister called me, and my husband bought me an essential oil diffuser (with six essential oils)! What a blessed day all around and it ended with a house trembling lightning storm, my gift from God Himself!

I’m feeling great with my daily walks, whether cold or not, my two fifteen-minute walks, are now leading into two twenty-five-minute walks. I just feel THAT good. I always share the positive and the good but need to let you all be aware that I do have my bad days. I’m not out here blowing rainbow bubbles oblivious to the negative elements that want to attack me.

The negative knocked on my door on Friday when my phone rang. I didn’t get to it on time but no message was left so I had to resort to my friend, google. All I know is my gut churned, my heart palpitated and quickened and I had my suspicions who it was and a google search confirmed that it was onc.2’s office. Why does just a phone ringing illicit FEAR?

Coincidentally (I DO NOT believe in coincidences!) my son came up the stairs and told me he received a spam phone call from a job search site he’s been accessing. Instinctively, I asked for the number and my suspicion was yet again confirmed, my onc.#2’s office had called him, no message!

I’ve been watching The Truth About Cancer’s ten-module online series, and one of the things they said in module #5 was that oncologists are no different than terrorists. The definition of terrorism is: 1.the use of violence and threats to intimidate or coerce, especially for political purposes.
2. the state of fear and submission produced by terrorism or terrorization.
3. a terroristic method of governing or of resisting a government. 
Could they be right in their assumption? Are oncologist using FEAR tactics to get patients to submit? I BELIEVE SO! 

Why had my oncologist called my son? My HUSBAND didn’t receive a call, my twenty-one-year-old son did! How did they get his number? I stupidly signed a piece of paper allowing my son, via his phone number, access to MY hospital records in case he should need them because remember, the oncologists basically handed me a death sentence. 

They ABUSED my RIGHTS! And yes, I’m documenting this because my gut is now telling me that they are NOT just ‘doing their job’, they are HARASSING ME WITH FEAR TACTICS!!!! I have to turn to my friends because they are the ones empowering me, along with God to go full steam ahead in my holistic healing. I will NOT be swayed and suckered into the oncologists’ web of terror!

Saturday came and I woke empowered once again, feeling great, Sunday came and I was feeling great so much so I went food shopping with my husband. I truly think it will be my last visit. Tears welled in my eyes as I could find nothing edible that wasn’t laced with toxins. I was relinquished to the small corner of organic vegetables, which by the way, are right next to the bakery laden with toxic sugar poisoning.

Home, I just wanted to be home. I knew my mother-in-law would be out to see me to hand deliver my birthday present so I had to perk up (no, I didn’t make coffee). I got home from the food store, had a good cry, and sat down to write, my healing place. 

I wanted to show his mother how well I was walking after seeing me for years unable to walk, zero meds, and mostly in pain, the majority of my days. It always felt like she looked at me with pity. I was the strength in her son's time of blindness and now here I was limping and suffering in back pain. Pity, pity, pity, poor Joni. I thought I would be a living testimony to hers and many others answered prayers as I am now walking! Joni is walking. Joni is doing good! 

‘Mom’ brought me a carved angel, yes people still see an angel in me, and she brought a fruit tray. Laden with raspberries, strawberries, pineapple, kiwi, red/green grapes overflowing in goodness. I didn’t ask if it was organic and at that point, I didn’t care, it looked DELICIOUS! Actually, it was, after she left I ate the entire tray for dinner. Ha ha ha!!!

She watched me walk up and down the stairs and her jaw just hung wide open in amazement. Score one for Joni! The visit didn’t go all bad, I tried talking about my healing but she informed me of her friends who were CURED by chemotherapy. I explained that it only appeared that way and I felt the small fog of fear creeping in with this slender built woman whom I love. Chemo is NOT A CURE, I stated, it is toxic poison. The makers of the chemo juice wear hazmat suits for crying out loud. 

I explained that if I had gone the chemo route, that the picture of me that she is witnessing would’ve been totally different. I’d be in bed, curled in a fetal position and vomiting, more than likely bald by the in her eyes ‘nontoxic’ treatments. But still, she seemed adamant that people have been CURED by chemo and are now alive twenty years later BECAUSE of chemo. To me, it’s amazing the illusion we paint for ourselves.

I tried to let the entire conversation go, but it was haunting. Haunting in the fact that what she said inadvertently hurt, more than I even knew. She said something like, “Sometimes God doesn’t give the answers we want to hear.” So there it is, my faith, my hearing and listening to GOD is being compared to how EVERYONE else hears and listens to God. What I psychologically heard her say was, ‘you heard wrong and God really wants you to do chemo. You’re choosing not to listen.’ Doubt slithered in with the remnants of fear left over by the oncologist Friday, imagine that!

Hmm, the God that pulled me from so many trials and tribulations, he literally pulled me back from the brink of death and is now leading me down a misguided path and is filling me with doubts, fear, and lies? Friends, you know me better than that, right? Even if she is a Godly woman, they too can use satans tongue to spew the doubt that we fight against. 

I let it slide, I went on with my day, took a twenty-five-minute walk empowered by the LIFE in me, grateful to be ALIVE by God’s fruits and vegetables that ARE HEALING ME, not making me sick! Which just an FYI, she informed me fruits and veggies made her literally sick. Her stomach could not handle them.

I went to bed feeling good but at two thirty I awoke unable to shake the negative undertones leftover from the entire weekend starting with the mock terroristic betrayal of the medical profession on Friday. Like a ghost rising from the dead, the haunting detail lingered. Unable to go back to sleep at four a.m. I got out of bed and walked to the kitchen to make me some coffee! 

I’m writing (documenting) this on March 27th, 2017 I started at four thirty and am just finishing this post at eight a.m., readying myself for yet another post. I’ll use writing to heal the detrimental doubt that I was spoon-fed over the weekend. I will rise from this funk with the love and support of my friends and family that care about lifting me up, not tearing me down. 

I forgot to mention, my MIL left me two Guideposts magazines, (she always saves me her old ones) but these two were left in the trash this morning as one story was talking about feeding eighteen families with turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes etc. etc. for Thanksgiving, (I mentioned the image yesterday and she apologetically replied, “I should have looked at the two before giving them) and another front page story of a woman’s battle with cancer and her success with chemotherapy (only two years out, mind you) I suspect my MIL did KNOW what she was giving me! I laughed and I cried as I skimmed only a few words and tossed the magazines along with doubts and fear in the garbage, where IT BELONGS!

And I’m rising above the doubt and fear with the wings of an eagle and I am getting back to soaring to my healing place that I know God wants me to be!

Isa. 41:10 “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”

Hope and Faith

Power in Prayer Part II

Job 15:4 “Yea, thou castest off fear, and restrainest prayer before God.”

Power of Prayer Part II

Since being diagnosed with this illness, what fell into my lap at the precise timing were online modules, Chris Beat Cancer (CBC) with Chris Wark, and The Truth About Cancer, a docuseries with Ty Bollinger.

The CBC modules told how as a young man Chris was diagnosed with colon cancer. They operated on him and afterward wanted him to do chemotherapy immediately and he refused. At the time, he could afford to say no and went the holistic healing route.

He flew to different states talked with different doctors, found a doctor who would inject him with vitamin C as he searched and searched for healing remedies. Twelve years clean of the ickyC, two children later, and thousands of dollars on vitamins and herbs, he put together a ten-part series on how he won the battle.

A Christian man from the beginning, Chris first went to his church where he was a part of the worship team and informed them of his diagnosis. What did his church family do? They prayed over him to be guided in his healing. They surrounded him with prayer and support as he pursued the holistic way of healing.

He was told at the beginning of his diagnosis of all the ugliness surrounding chemo. How chemo destroyed your immune system, how he’d never be able to have children and how sick he would be on chemo. He right then and there said no way to chemo and went his own way finding a Naturopathic Doctor to assist in his journey. 

From google: How does chemo affect your immune system?
Cancer can weaken the immune system by spreading into the bone marrow. The bone marrow makes blood cells that help to fight infection. The weakening of the immune system happens most often in leukemia or lymphoma. But it can happen with other cancers too.

What chemo does to the body?
Chemotherapy drugs are powerful enough to kill rapidly growing cancer cells, but they also can harm perfectly healthy cells, causing side effects throughout the body. Chemotherapy can interfere with the body's ability to produce healthy blood platelets, red blood cells, and white blood cells.

Can chemo kill you?
If you take chemotherapy and it doesn't kill all the cancer cells, you will find yourself in a very vulnerable position with a decimated immune system. You will have little defenses left to prevent any remaining cancer cells from reproducing. ... Most chemotherapy drugs are carcinogenic, that means they CAN cause cancer.

How effective is chemo?

What does exposure feel like?
Large doses of ionizing radiation in a short time period lead to Acute Radiation Syndrome (ARS), aka radiation poisoning. The severity of ARS symptoms depends on the level of exposure. A radiation dose as low as 0.35 Gy could feel a bit like you have the flu—expect nausea and vomiting, headaches, fatigue, and fever.

What does radiation do to the body?
Ionizing radiation—the kind that minerals, atom bombs and nuclear reactors emit—does one main thing to the human body: it weakens and breaks up DNA, either damaging cells enough to kill them or causing them to mutate in ways that may eventually lead to cancer.

There is so much more on the destruction of your cells from chemo and when I asked my oncologist #2 about it, he said he didn’t know where I heard that info (why, google of course) and that the cells regenerate and I’d be fine. What? He also NEVER informed me of ANY of the statements above from google, just sign here on the dotted line to be fed into the chamber.

The Ty Bollinger series on The Truth About Cancer (TBAC) is about hundreds (possibly thousands) of testimonials of people who just said NO, to chemo! One young man was given four months to live, he had heard about cannabis oil but where he lived in the UK it was illegal. He went through channels to get the oil and four months later he went back to the doctor for a screening and the tumor was shrinking and the C was leaving his body. His doctor told him whatever he was doing, to keep it up.

There is a testimonial where the government FORCED a woman and man to put their child through chemo and threatened to take their other kids away. They secretly were giving their child holistic remedies and their child was responding while the other children in the ward were getting sicker and sicker and many losing the battle.

I could go on and on about the amazing testimonials I watched in the past month on the power of prayer and the healing of our Lord. Yes, what all these people had in common was FAITH in God!

Pss. 4:1 “Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer.”

When I was first diagnosed, I told my dear spiritual family I didn’t want to go the chemo route and the majority prayed for me and told me to listen for God’s answer. God spoke to me in the way of those two modules that coincidentally were FREE (now they cost) and fell in my lap when I prayed to God for guidance. (You know me, I DON’T believe in coincidence!)

Some will say, “That’s not God talking, you need chemo, the big C is a killer.” Well people, it isn’t cancer that’s the killer and the sooner you accept that the more enlightened you will become.

God may have told you to go the chemo route, He might have said I’ll hold your hand and be with you every step of the way, but FOR ME, He did not say that. I was told by four doctors already that my cancer is unique to me, UNIQUE because no two cancers are alike. Like a thumbprint we are all genetically made different in every aspect, so is this illness, and so should treatment be treated that way. 

Pss. 55:1 “Give ear to my prayer, O God; and hide not thyself from my supplication.”

Let me ask you this, if my illness is so unique to me, why not treat me in a unique manner? Why offer me the exact same conventional treatment every other patient is offered? Why? Because that’s not how it works in the world of oncology. I do understand the concerns of the doctors. If they lose me, they feel as though they didn’t do their job. It is MY body, not theirs to decide what to do, and even more importantly, I’m LISTENING to God a HEALER, not a doctor, the pacifier.

I think once again I’ll go against the grain, not swim upstream with the fishies and walk on water with the Sweet Lord Jesus! The one thing all of the successful testimonies of holistic healing have in common is The Power of Prayer! Have faith people GOD IS ALIVE!

Pss. 5:3 “My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.”

I Can Hear Them Now

2 Cor. 1:5 “For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.”

I Can Hear Them Now

I can hear them now after telling my family of my cancer diagnosis. I understand the biopsy is needed to confirm the truth if that makes you feel better, but Breasts Specialists would NOT say the word ‘cancer’ if they thought one iota of cancer not being present. 

I can hear them now, hasn’t this girl already been through so much? Let me assure you, the answer is no! If you read my blog from the past eight years you’ll see that I’ve been through a ton of stuff from my husband going completely blind to his miraculous regaining of his eyesight, to my hefty back arthritis right up to my diagnosis of the ‘C’ word.

Now if you look at my life from birth up until now I might see a few people reaching for a towel to dry the sweat from their eyes.

‘You should stop with the pity party on facebook’ an unintentional hurtful comment that cut to the bone. I’ve been trying to give my family clues and hints (I changed both profile pics to the Breast Cancer symbolism). Just so you know, I have a facebook account where I’m lucky if I have 40 friends. It’s for family, my blood family. I have a Writing FB account for my writing and my Spiritual Family! Two different names, two different people in my eyes, but the prognosis the same for both. 

Pity Party? Is crying out for my family a pity party? Is wanting them to just feel my pain and love me in some way a pity party? Let me tell you, my niece was the ONLY one to pick up my messages, messaged me and google searched me to see ‘if I was still writing’ and guess what, she found out, without me opening my mouth.

I started this post before my oncologist visit yesterday. I notified family members that I wanted to know my business and like cockroaches afraid of the light, they scurried away from me instead of to me to lend support. 

My beautiful niece is about the only one 100% behind me on my thoughts and the route I want to take. It was obvious the Oncologists had a different route in mind and wasn't open to ANYTHING I was saying. Absolutely nothing!

I went in full of HOPE and positive thoughts that I was going to beat this and that we’d fight together in seeing the healing outcome. Three ladies surrounded me in cult fashion, the doctor, a navigator who’d then guide me to what the doctor just said and an observer. She confirmed that it was cancer, that it was small and treatable if we attack it now. But the mere mention of turmeric and holistic healing she became defensive as if on a battleground and SHE was the one in control, not me, not God, not plentiful, bountiful, healing, medicinal herbs!

She wanted to examine me and I didn’t want it, was told on Monday that this was JUST a consultation. Why do they LIE? She went on to examine me pressing on the tumor so hard, I woke this morning with a bruised left breast! I am not kidding or lying to you, no I’ll save that for the doctors.

Her battleground route? “We’ll do Chemo first.”
“Isn’t that what causes you to lose your hair.” 
“Yes, yes, you’ll lose your hair. That long beautiful hair. You probably had that since you were two.” 
Tears
Hubby, another tactic observer, (not for the physical exam mind you) piped in saying, “It will grow back.” 
“Easy for you to say, you’re a man.”
The three ladies giggled as if eating the cheese on a broken mousetrap.

I did not feel in control of my body, my illness, this was THEIR battleground and I was just observing what tactics they were going to use to fight the enemy. I was the ant and they were the grasshoppers. Personally, I wanted to be the bird!

Anger was boiling under my skin. 

They went on. The doctor spoke, “We’ll give you drugs so you don’t feel sick.” Almost a year of chemo and drugs to shrink the tumor, then they would cut what is left out of me, then they would radiate me to finish the job of ridding the field of the enemy. And no guarantees of HEALING!

“How about turmeric working WITH your tactic?” 
“We’re not knowledgeable enough in unconventional treatment.” 

Wait a minute, doctors are NOT knowledgeable about other successful, albeit unconventional, TREATMENTS? She kept looking up at the ceiling and as a person who understands and reads body language, that is the sign of a liar!

Hubby was excused from the inner circle. She went on to examine me. It hurt so bad I was in pain instantly from the pressure she applied to both of my breasts. Now keep in mind, one year of no doctor, no pain whatsoever. One week into seeing doctor’s and this morning my breast is BRUISED! 

Last week, the GP examined me, no pain. The breast specialist examined me, no pain. Mammogram squishy, no pain. Biopsy needles, tender pain, meaning it just left my breast tender to the touch. This visit, I had to come home and pop a naproxen instantly FOR the pain. The ONE HOUR wait for the doctor to finally see me didn’t help matters, it just made me think bad things about this office.

Hubby returned, for the ‘consultation’ with “The Navigator”. She wanted a PET scan scheduled TODAY if possible or Friday. My defense mode went up and into overdrive. WHAT? No talk about turmeric, curcumin? NOTHING? Just rush me into drugging me and radiate me? 

Those who know me know I never owned a microwave until 13 years ago. I had no clothes dryer, my clothes were all line dried by the sweet sunshine, I had no computer to get all of my information either. I used good old books and libraries for information! I was the picture of old school yet I was 37 years young. 

And here I am today being told, when all I’ve read about radiation was negative, I’m being told radiation was the end all cure all way to go. Hmm, I wonder why I don’t see it that way. “PRAY”- prayer after prayer, listening after listening, day after hope-filled day, this almost three-hour visit left me HOPEless! I left not wanting to LIVE or FIGHT, no, I wanted to DIE and be LEFT TO DIE! 

Alone, I’ve never felt so alone. I cursed, I screamed, I cried all of which did not feel like me, I felt their job of demon possession worked, I was now filled with RAGE, HATE, MISERY, and PAIN!

I came home ready to spit daggers at anyone who was unfortunate enough to stand in front of my spewed words. So this is what it feels like? To be full of anger and hatred and then want to spew it to the world so they could feel it too? This is quite sad. This is NOT NORMAL! It may be a normal reaction but can you imagine people waking and feeling like this daily and not because they have cancer either, many felt this exact way before, during and after the election year. Those poor souls, I feel your pain. Is this what it took for me to understand your level of slithering hate?

My niece, my beautiful niece, she immediately put me in touch with cancer survivor pages, herbs and testimony of hundreds of success stories, not the lab rats that the elite, ‘professional’, supposedly scientific pros spit at you. I prayed… I woke today… HOPE and the path the LORD has set before me. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, I want to be The Face of The CURE, not the face of the getting by on drugs.

I put it this way to my husband (who I don’t feel is behind me on this, by the way) it’s like the ice storm that hit a couple weeks ago. People were told to stay home, stay safe. (the chemo route).Wouldn’t you know it, people went out anyway? (Unconventional route) Did you hear about the hundreds (possibly thousands) that made it to their destination? No, of course not, you were fed the images of those who died trying to make their MONEY. 

Another instance, hubby went out into an extremely mud-thickened visibility fog, a day after the ice storm. He has one eye, so depth perception is already askew, but he went out anyway to get to work. He made it to work; he made it home safely as the fog (but not as thick) still clung to the atmosphere. He said he’d never do it again but I think he is fooling himself, he’d do it again, we need the money desperately, and he’d do it, he knows it!

He took the chance, he went the unconventional route but I’m supposed to just jump into the cult and allow them to surround me with their tempting fate? Why didn’t the words, “Feel free to get a second opinion” come up?
I think you know where I’m, going with this… I CHOOSE HOPE! LIVE OR DIE…I CHOOSE HOPE! I’m a Jesus freak and it will be the death of me for sure…but at least there is PROMISE in that route!

ALLELUIA AMEN!

1 Cor. 1:9-14 “But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead:

 Who delivered us from so great a death, and doth deliver: in whom we trust that he will yet deliver us;

Ye also helping together by prayer for us, that for the gift bestowed upon us by the means of many persons thanks may be given by many on our behalf. For our rejoicing is this, the testimony of our conscience, that in simplicity and godly sincerity, not with fleshly wisdom, but by the grace of God, we have had our conversation in the world, and more abundantly to you-ward.

For we write none other things unto you, than what ye read or acknowledge; and I trust ye shall acknowledge even to the end;

As also ye have acknowledged us in part, that we are your rejoicing, even as ye also are ours in the day of the Lord Jesus.”