Monday, April 19, 2010

Emotional Rescue

Rev. 4: 3 And he that sat was to look upon like a jasper and a sardine stone: and there was a rainbow round about the throne, in sight like unto an emerald.
Words are to me, a form of expressing my feelings. Whether it is fiction or non fiction, words are what heals my soul.

As you all know and have read, last week was not a good week for me. Emotions ran at an anxious high, my esteem dropped for a few notches, my brain was not wrapping around anything that I read or did, and I was just an emotional wreck.

On about Thursday, I was God slapped. This is what I call it when I have one of those clarifying moments that is telling me to wake up and smell the coffee. I lived! Not that I was ever close to death, it just felt that way to me, since it was my very first accident and the more people I talked to, the more I felt that this was a rite of passage that all drivers go through. My son said, “It has to happen at least once in your life.”

Good, I got my one accident over and done with, now I can move on, right? It’s an eerie feeling this moving on stuff, I want to just relive the moment of the accident over and over like my brain is a movie film. Rewind, play, rewind, play. This weekend I pushed STOP! I need to take the film out and put in new film.

I decided to own my fear. I pulled the truck around and washed her off. She had so many of the ditches weeds clinging to the top and the underside, she looked like a truck who had been through combat, survived and came back to tell the story. The mud was caked in the wheels, the injured headlights, the demolished grill, but when I got done washing her, talking to her and pampering her, I told her her straight up, “I own you Destiny, you don’t own me!” I’m gonna own my fear and not allow anyone or anything to hamper my healing.

My writing community has been so supportive, I don’t think I could have gotten through this without their love and support. There is Bro who is tending to the trucks mechanical needs, and mom is trying her darndest to help financially in her loving supportive always- there- for- you mom way, my sister called from miles away, then there is my writers!

An awesome community that knows how to wrap their words around me like a blanket, put the road barriers up to my fear, hug me in a worded way that only they know how to do. My final words today come from a dear writing friend named Standing Deer, she is Native American and knows me spiritually. I wish everyone could see the Native Americans brilliance. I treasure their wisdom and guidance.

Standing deer says:  I know you have wings too...I feel them. They are soft, iridescent, with all the colors of the Rainbow. Only Rainbow carriers put others before themselves
before they can even think any other way.
Rainbows are not just after a rain, they are always there, only special beings know this.
All one has to do is look inside, look within, and there, they will see one.
Darkness cannot hide them for they are what light is made of.
The shining Light from all that exists, it is all that is and more.

What awesome words from my deer friend! Love ya deer!


June said...

Yes, I totally understand where you were, Joni.

It's it interesting what emotion an accident can call forth?

Love your term "God slapped." (Should be part of a story, don't you think? And would make for a good title...)

Take care,

joni said...

It's mine! It's mine! lol

I am always saying I had a "God Slap' moment. :)

It's just how I feel sometimes when I have a cliche'd 'wake-up call' ;)