I Am At Peace

Heb. 12: 14 (KJV) “Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:”

I’m At Peace

I’m at peace with the decisions I make. While many will have a hard time seeing eye to eye with me, I will not be swayed by the force that tries to darken my days. 

I woke this morning, and upon reading my email I realized why I’m putting this windowed world on the back burner, to allow it to simmer down. I go right for my Encouragement For the Day, then to my verse for the day, then I move on to my bible reading for the day. 

There was other mail in my box and one, in particular, threw everything I had just read out the window and I was ready to respond in anger and offense. Instead, God’s hand touched my shoulder, He told me to breathe. By choice, I had been away from Facebook for twenty-four hours but my finger immediately went to the FB link and there I was on facebook at six in the morning.

I was expecting the same old-same old ‘this star is dead, oh wait, no he’s not, he’s hanging on, oh wait now he’s really dead’ posts. Instead, I was met with numerous scriptures on peace. A dear friend in Christ shares his walk with Christ and that was the first post that greeted me on FB. A friend of his posted a link to a sermon on ‘Overcoming Offense’! I sat for the next hour watching an excellent sermon that resonated with me and I felt a peace wash over me.

I went on to wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving and then backed away from Facebook because it will absorb my day instead of me seeing the true meaning in the very purpose of my living day.

Two takeaways I got from the sermon was,

“What’s born out of love will never fail.”

“The way that seems right to man always leads to death and destruction.”

Prov, 14:12 “There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.” (KJV)

Prov. 16:11 “A just weight and balance are the LORD's: all the weights of the bag are his work.”

I am transformed not by technology; Christ transforms me daily. I live my life for Christ, not for the media, social influence, or the advancement of technology, I live for God. My life is love, which is all I care about these days is love and how love is projected outwardly from me to the world. I won’t be bogged down by offenses or past sins because I’ve been transformed. If you’ve known me over the years, I hope the one thing you see in me is God. You don’t see disease, you don’t see a distracted woman babbling, you see God in me! That is the peace I want to be projected to the world.

Prov. 16: 20 “He that handleth a matter wisely shall find good: and whoso trusteth in the LORD, happy is he.”

Needless to say, I did not respond to the email that angered me or to the person who offended me. After hearing the sermon I just wanted to praise and rejoice and go on with my day, balancing what needs to be weighed in my heart and soul. 

God does not call us to offend or be offended. He calls on us to portray Him and anything else you spew opposite of love is foolish pride in yourselves. God knew that our flesh was weak. He knew we would have an ego that would allow our flesh to rule over us and guide us through life. That’s the very reason He used the message of Prov. 14 and 16 scripture TWICE so we could understand the importance of putting aside our pride and ego and just let Him live in us and through us. 

Prov. 16:25 “There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.”

If I allow myself to be offended by every little thing, then I let satan and his work win. He’s cunning these days, disguised in Christians wearing the veil of righteousness but when exposed by the pulling off of the veil, their ugliness shows through. I will not be the person who does the unveiling, you yourself have to look in the mirror every day and who you see when you first get out of bed is who God sees. No makeup, no perfected hair, no deception, He sees right through you. THAT is the person God loves, flaws and all!

As I near Thanksgiving I am so grateful for everything in my life I can’t list it in just one post. But the thing I am MOST grateful for? God LOVES me flaws and all! HE sees perfection in me and it is up to me to show the world what perfection looks like through my flaws.

God is great, God is good, I always pray, as I know I should! 

May God bless you this Thanksgiving and may you find the light you seek in the darkness. Be full! 

My Doctor Visit

Pss. 6:2 “Have mercy upon me, O LORD; for I am weak: O LORD, heal me; for my bones are vexed.”

My Doctor Visit

Yesterday, many of you know I visited with my General Practitioner (GP from here on out). It was all that I expected from a doctor who actually cares about her patient and she didn’t let me down. 

I didn’t wait long in the nearly empty office that is usually bustling and as my name was called my heart raced a bit. Of course, my mind thinks good things but there is always that one little part that we all have that wonders what this visit will bring. 

I stepped on the dreaded scale in anticipation of what my forced diet would bring and to my surprise; I lost seven pounds in three - four weeks. That’s normal since I’ve had no carbs, no sugar, no meat and no dairy and a gallon of purified water a day. I’m an herbivore these days and it is paying off with energy, life, stamina, and peace.

The doctor came in and we talked. We talked about not doing chemo, and doing chemo, we talked about my illness and what I’m currently doing with my diet and exercise. She and the assistant were impressed that in four weeks (since I saw her last) I had changed so much!

She’d really like me to do chemo. It wasn’t the pressure I felt from the oncologist this was a subtle conversation between doctor/patient with eye to eye contact and compassion. I understood everything she said. I told her about the bad experience with the onc. and that we just didn’t click and I in no way said I ‘wasn’t committing’, I said I needed time!

She did say right off that my Breast Cancer doctor (remember, they’re colleagues/friends) had told her to keep an eye on me. That was the honesty I seek in a doctor, not an evasive reply. She offered that, I didn’t ask. I knew, but I still didn’t ask. That was her fifth or tenth brownie point in my eyes. 

She asked if I’d like to see another oncologist and I said YES, I’m not NOT committing, I need time to gather all the information I can. Her honesty showed again when she said, “I’m not a specialist in the field of oncology and that is who you really need to see to explain it more.” Monday the 27th, I’ll visit the new oncologist. He may also recommend a PET scan and I’m thinking, radiation and all, it might be for the best to know if the disease is spreading. I welcome your positive thoughts! Positive only!

We talked like old friends yet this was only my second time seeing her. She went on to tell me that this is a very successfully treated type of BC and that they have made great strides in treatment. Still only chemo treatments, but this time I was actually listening because she was actually taking the time to come down to my level, not putting on airs and putting herself above me.

She told me that all I’m doing with the vitamins and diet would only enhance the success of the chemo treatment and not hurt, I’d have to ask the new onc., but she was pretty sure. She said my mind, and my positive outlook can only be a good thing. Too many people go into this with, like I said before, that cancer is a ‘death sentence’.

She was also honest about the holistic healing. I asked why doctors don’t know about these things that can save lives and she made sense in her reply where the oncologist just brushed me off. This doctor said because most holistic remedies haven’t been studied long enough yet or are still in the testing stages and as a doctor, she can only offer what is within her realm of treatment. Chemotherapy is tried and true. I got it, it made sense to me, I understood where the medical community was coming from. 

What we talked about didn’t change my mind on getting chemo but it did give me something to think about. Yes, we even talked about the bad side effects of chemo, and she sided with there is more good than bad and I’m sticking with there is more bad than good, for now. 

Ezek. 34:4 “The diseased have ye not strengthened, neither have ye healed that which was sick, neither have ye bound up that which was broken, neither have ye brought again that which was driven away, neither have ye sought that which was lost; but with force and with cruelty have ye ruled them.” (sounds like chemo - TO ME)

I live in a state where the next oncologist available is forty miles away. Remember, when my hubby needed a cornea transplant the only place in the STATE is three and a half hours away. I grew up in a tiny little state, where there were MANY top-notch hospitals available within miles of each other, University of Maryland and Johns Hopkins just to name two. And out here they have nothing but cows and farmland in such a BIG state; nothing innovative to write home about here. 

Nebraskans seem offended when I say stuff like that but I’m not saying it to offend anyone, I’m just AMAZED, in the twenty-first century, that the nearest airport is (besides those tiny plane ones) is over an hour away and oncologists are separated by forty miles or more!

THIS is the reason I’m doing more research. THIS is the reason I NEED to do more research. I can’t just up and move to a new state so I HAVE to take what is offered me here but *I* feel more in control when I can make the decision on my own and not be forced into something I don’t believe. I feel like they are trying to brainwash me and have me join their cult of beliefs, but now, I have more understanding of where they are coming from with this GP visit.

I’m continuing on my journey, I’m trying to remain positive and also trying to rid ANYTHING I deem as negative out of my life. I’ve done this spiritual cleansing many times over my life but now I need to put to use all I’ve learned. On we go, my friends! I’m so glad I have you along for the ride, this is one mountain climbing excursion that I’m glad to not be on alone. I can’t thank you all enough but remember where I FEEL the love, my prayers bounce back to YOU! Win/win guys…now journey on! 

Gen. 24:21 “And the man wondering at her held his peace, to wit whether the LORD had made his journey prosperous or not.”

That Time Of Year...

Job 17:11 “My days are past, my purposes are broken off, even the thoughts of my heart.”

That Time of Year

Well, my friends, it’s that time of year once again. You probably think I’m referring to the merry and joyful time of year with the lighting of the Christmas trees, the sounds of Christmas carols ringing through the air, the aroma of pine scent wafting through the house, children anticipating the arrival of Santa Claus with a little countdown calendar to Christmas hanging on the fridge. If you think that is what I’m referring to, you’d be wrong. 

This is the time of reflection for me, that leads to my New Year in April (Easter is my New Year, for those who don’t know me). Reflection is sometimes one of the hardest things one must do because being faced with truth, direction, and discernment; one is pulled in many directions of an emotional roller-coaster ride.

For nine years I’ve been writing this blog and statistics show more than five of those years two hundred and some odd days a year were spent writing and bringing a Light to your world. You may or may not see it that way but as you scan over the years of posts, you will be hard pressed to find anything negative that I’ve brought to your world.

1 Cor. 14:1 “Follow after charity, and desire spiritual gifts, but rather that ye may prophesy.”

[12] “Even so ye, forasmuch as ye are zealous of spiritual gifts, seek that ye may excel to the edifying of the church.”

I take my faith, God and my gift of writing very serious as many of you know. I’m not judging you and saying you don’t take your God given gift(s) serious, on this blog I am defining me at ALL times and if you see YOU in my words, well then Praise Be, I’ve done my job!

Heb. 2:4 “God also bearing them witness, both with signs and wonders, and with divers miracles, and gifts of the Holy Ghost, according to his own will?”

I know some of you don’t see writing and not getting paid as a ‘real’ job, but let me tell you, it is the most richly rewarding ‘job’ of my life, and personally I don’t see it as a job unless you understand that all I do, I do for Him! This is why when I make a decision on something, I take it to Him and see what HE has to say about my decisions. It sounds crazy, I know, but it is my way of life and the way I’ve been since I can remember.

Last year the three deaths in my family hit me pretty hard, and a recent death of my too young to die, cousin. I know, all deaths take a certain toll on each individual but they hit me like I had not expected, scarring my heart and allowing a mountain of emotions and flashbacks to remain unmoved; an aunt, an uncle and my father all taken away from this earth. People say, “They’re angels in heaven now,” but you don’t know that for a fact and not even I can be certain that is where their souls drifted off to, thus leading me to a reflective and contemplative year, this one, 2016. (Please, this is not a debate on heaven and hell or a weakening or strengthening of faith, it is ME seeing to it that this mountain is MOVED! With God’s help of course.)

Hence my decision to shut this blog down, I did not just pull this decision out of my hat, I have been contemplating since the New Year began but the political infestation of negativity kept me writing to bring you LIGHT in an extremely darkened world. I’m sure you all know everyone was a victim of this political disastrous negative year. I watched as what I deemed pillars of strength in the ‘Christian’ community crumble and buckle to the negative impact of the role politics played in their lives. They were hurtful, hate-filled, anger driven, they stood on a higher than though pedestal, sweeping their voice around the social platform waving words as truth but realizing as they scraped themselves off the floor by years end, they were just victims of satan’s very cunning lure.

I don’t know if the people held any shame in their actions but I myself stood strong in the face of satan and spit in his face and walked with my Lord. There are repercussions with taking that stance just so you know. I AM NOT being judgmental here, lest I am judging myself, but the past two years have really given rise to ME and where I need to go. While my gifts of the Lord will continue to grow and soar, it might mean that writing for YOU may not be in the cards for the coming year, I don’t know yet.

Pss. 100:3 “Know ye that the LORD he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.”

My Spiritual Family, I do not label you as left or right, nor does God; you have stood firmly behind me on my journey all of these years, some new to my world, some who have been here for the long haul, you know who you are, and God has BLESSED me with each and every one of you! I don’t take our friendship lightly and I take into consideration your sage advice always.

I have another health crisis biting me in the face and this coming year will be a challenging one as I face it with faith but I’ll need your prayer always as I endure, it’s what keeps me going. Will I blog in the New Year? Will I close this down? I go with God and what HE tells me to do because He knows that I have utilized my gift and done everything for Him. I will never change that and I don’t care how much satan’s minions attack me, my God is greater than him and THIS I am CERTAIN of!

While this isn’t the merriest of Christmas’, I must say first, God is still making His presence known in my life whether it is the lost packages we ordered being FOUND, one on my neighbor's back lawn where I would have NEVER looked but my stray dog Riley led me to it via her dragging off her water bowl and me searching for it and finding the Lost Box! All the way to the parcel my mother sent arriving on my doorstep as we watched A Christmas Carol, and right as the ghost of Christmas past surfaced so did Riley’s wagging tail hitting the door alerting me to the gift on my front steps at 7:00 in the evening. Many memories of the past were in that box! I thank God He sent me Riley, a stray dog who has a heart of gold. 

God is Good, God is ever present and life in the coming year will be welcomed. I thank you all for being a part of God’s plan for my journey and may all of our New Year be blessed! 

Pss. 95:7 “For he is our God; and we are the people of his pasture, and the sheep of his hand. To day if ye will hear his voice,”

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good life! 

Deut. 4:32 “For ask now of the days that are past, which were before thee, since the day that God created man upon the earth, and ask from the one side of heaven unto the other, whether there hath been any such thing as this great thing is, or hath been heard like it?”

Confusion~ Conflict

Ps.71:1 In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust: let me never be put to confusion.
***

What a roller coaster of a ride. I have my ups and downs, my twists and turns, my corkscrew of a loop and then I live life like a straight and narrow path has been set before me as I walk along the road of life.

Sounds like a writers life, doesn’t it? Sounds like a novel. Ironically, this week in F2K, (the free writing workshop that I mentor) we’ve been working on conflict. Conflict in a story is essential, I guess, just like in life.

If we had no conflict in our story they would be boring beyond belief, no one would read a word of it, or at least they’d get so far into the story, realize there is nothing happening and decide to put the book down.

So I’m wondering, without conflict and controversy in our lives, would our lives then be boring? Sometimes which bread to buy can be a conflict on my weekly shopping trip. Although not really bread but the decision of what meals to make for seven days can stir in me a conflict.

And now I’ve come upon a fork in the road. Which do I take? The easy one that leads me to where *I* want to be, to achieve the things that *I* want. Is it all about me, me, me? No, it’s not and never is about me and what I want, it’s about a decision, made by God, and do I listen to him in his offering of settling the conflict, or do I go against what he is telling me and follow the path that I want?

A yo-yo, that is what I feel like, dangling by a string bouncing up and down wondering when the worn out string is going to snap. We in class like to use the inverted check mark.
Should be a yo-yo but really it wouldn’t define the uphill battle that the inverted check mark provides.

You start out slow going up the hill, conflict arises, you move onward and upward,  /\ , pace it nice and slow, throw in more conflict, reach a peak upheaval, then slowly resolve the conflict to give a to-die-for ending. This can be used in short stories also. You don’t want your story all cozy as a laz-e boy recliner, you want the lumpy sofa with no added pillows for cushion.

That’s my life, a lumpy sofa that needs refreshing. I like to have a plan in place, you know an outline, but when someone comes in and erases the entire central part of my outline, I need to try and figure out the outline all over again. Have a plan and stick to it. Sure, upon revision you can edit out or add to, but stick to the plan, or scrap the whole thing!

Do we go to Omaha or do we not? Does he listen to God and his heart or that of people? Does he buckle to man or rise in the Spirit. His choice. I’m just a yo-yo.

Confused? Join the crowd.

Conflict!

Phil. 1: 30 Having the same conflict which ye saw in me, and now hear to be in me.
***

What do you mean conflict? Like fist fights? Knock down, drag out, bar room brawl scenes?

No, no, no friends. Conflict in writing is essentially a stirring of emotions. Did you ever notice how picking out a dress or shirt to wear can cause you to look for a different dress and just forget about shoes, that’s a whole other conflict in and of itself!

Have you ever read a book that didn’t have conflict? Seriously, a book with no conflict is not even a book, okay it may be a text book or something but a story is not going to be carried along without the proper use of conflict.

Did you ever struggle with a spiritual decision? There you go, that is internal conflict. How about struggling with a school assignment? Conflict! Or how about trying to decide if you’re marrying the right man when a new one comes along. Oh yeah, that’s conflict.

What I’m getting at here is Lesson four, it's all about conflict. In f2k we hand you the essentials that is needed to build a story and you guessed it, after you use the senses, you need to get the gist of whose POV you’re going to use, then it is on to conflict and the struggle of what will carry your story (whether short story or novel, fiction or non-fiction) you basically have to have conflict for your reader to stay stuck on the book like a licked stamp! (Wait they don’t have those anymore, but you get what I mean, right?)

Conflict isn’t as simple as a car crash scene, or an argument, or war. More times than not the conflict in a story comes from inner turmoil. The point of indecision, the inability to make up your mind. This is all considered good story material and you can build around the conflict many paragraphs or chapters if you like. The idea here is not to be so full blown that it becomes over the top implausible to believe, you have to nurture the conflict like taking care of a wound. You don’t just hurry it up to heal, it takes time to heal, and then there is the scab, and then the full crux of the tale where we find completion, satisfaction. The healing of the sore so to speak.

So where is your conflict going to lead us, the reader? I like a good conflict in a story but I want subtlety. As in lesson three, you don’t need to go over the top, you just need to understand what conflict adds to a tale and you are well on your way to making the most out of your story.

Now what are you going to do? Give me some conflict and I’ll give you a brownie point!

Chop Shop

Don't explain why it works; explain how you use it.
~Steven Brust

***

When is it too much?

When is too much cutting during revision, too much? Yesterday we talked about how important revision is, whether a short story, a poem or a novel; whether it is fiction or non-fiction.  But is there a point where you chop it to pieces, then read your work and wonder, “Who wrote this?”

After you’ve cut out too many adverbs and adjectives, you’ll move on to the modifiers and prepositions and then your left with, gibberish? You can’t cut a piece to bits. You need to keep the voice that you, the writer of the work, intended.

Around the writing circles, questions are asked and sometimes I need more than a brief email to say, “Don’t cut the dickens out of it! A revision is fixing what is broke, not tearing a piece up only to try and put it back together again.”

We can not dismantle our work of art and then try to re-form it. That is like painting over an already dried painting. You’ll see right through. You’ll see something magical underneath but facing you is abstract nothingness at the surface.

This is why it is so important to have others read what you’ve written. Okay, lets say you’ve written your piece, have let it settled and came back to it to revise. Does it read the same? Did you keep the vein of your story? Did the voice come out as you intended?
If you answered yes to all three questions, you’re on the right track.

If you’ve answered no to one of the questions, then you may have chopped too much off. This is where a writing group comes in handy. You put it out there and LISTEN to their advice and critique! If they say, “You know, this story just didn’t work for me. There were some inconsistencies, and you lost the flow here, at such and such a place.” Then you as a writer have to rethink what they are picking up on. Like a mental telepathy, you need to weed out the good crit with the bad.

The next person might say, “I loved this story, you’re an awesome writer.” Now honestly, is that what you wanted to hear? You may have wanted that stroking of your ego, but guess what, it isn’t HELPING you find out what the last person meant! Sure you want to hear you’re great, loved it, but ask, what did you like? What worked for you?

Announce your uncertainties of where you think you might have missed the boat and ask if they picked up on that too. Now take all the crits you have gathered together, and think really hard on who was right and what works for YOU as a writer when revising your artwork.

Notice how I call writers artists all the time? That is what I think we are. We create masterpieces of fine art. We’re not butchers, so don’t chop your piece up until it is no longer the art that you intended, okay?