One More Thing: The Trio

Philippians 2:14-16 (NIV) “Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, ‘children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.’ Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life.”

I wanted to share just one more thing before you all move along with your summer activities and get too busy to check up on lil old me. I feel like my most recent posts have been me 'grumbling' about my pain when really I wanted to share with you the reality of my day to day life in the best way possible.

Phil. 2:14-16 (KJV) Do all things without murmurings and disputings: That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world; Holding forth the word of life; that I may rejoice in the day of Christ, that I have not run in vain, neither laboured in vain.

The KJVersion of Phil. 2 doesn't say, 'grumblings or arguing' but grumblings is what I feel I've been doing and maybe that shouldn't be so. How can I shine a light of Christ from my soul if all you read is the grumblings of my back pain? There is a light in here and the only reason I share my murmurings are so that you do not get the picture that self-healing is all hunky-dory. It's hard work AND it is pain-filled! THAT is the reality of the situation that I took upon myself and in the end, I will blame no one for my decision but me and by then there will be no purpose in the blame game.

You know the reason for my choice in this route and that is point blank, I don't believe in drugs. I am a RECOVERED drug addict (another self-healing route at a very young age) and the thought of drugs and the process of the tiny pill that is destroying a population to this day scares me to bits! I believe and always have, that God created healing tools here on earth. When He created us, He placed all around us the true nature of healing whether it is physical, mental, or psychological; the earth holds an abundance of healing tools without the necessary means of a laboratory of synthetic drugs to 'miraculously' HEAL you. It just doesn't work that way, in my mind, anyway.

I know what my tumor looked and felt like when I was first diagnosed. After reading and researching I found information that a biopsy (the test that I was FORCED to undergo along with a mammogram and CT scan) were all links to the spreading of this disease. I did not have any idea of this because I ASSUMED that the doctors actually knew what they were doing and that THEY were right; I wrongly trusted them. 

Over the year I watched as the tumor changed shape and color and things were happening that were enough to scare the pants off of me but I held fast to the belief that 'GOD'S GOT THIS' and I settled into accepting things were going to take time. Not MY time but with HIS time. I knew that the biopsy was the damaging test that set all of this in motion. MANY of the women who I've met online in a BC support group have ALL said the same thing, except their outcome, was slightly worse than mine and for that, I'm truly grateful mine wasn't worse.

A lot of these women are not even in their thirties yet. Some are pregnant or have just given birth but all are adamant in treating this illness on their own, of course, against their doctor's wishes. They don't want to be slaughtered cows either and through the same avenues as me, diet and supplements, we are all in this self-healing together! And HEALING is what we are!

Through my grumblings you might not pick up on parts of my healing that I need to share with you, nor do you understand the method of my healing that is taking place but rest assured, I am healing! I don't boast of my hours of prayer and meditation. I don't tell you about the foods I ingest or my long year and a half journey of finding my place in this new world I have in front of me.

The trio: cancer, psoriasis, and arthritis. I've had psoriasis for about forty years (on and off), arthritis I'd say about six years since diagnosis of my lower lumbar joint arthritis, then there is cancer, the cells have been in there all of my life, awakened about eight or nine years ago and only felt and seen in 2015, diagnosed a little over a year ago on diagnosis day 1-25-17. 

The signs:
Cancer:  I saw no signs of cancer except for the lump I felt in 2015. The year my aunt, uncle and, dad died and the year I got married. What a year, huh? That is the very reason I didn't tell my husband of my lump. I had to wait for medical insurance to go through because don't believe what they tell you when they say FREE CANCER SCREENING- mammograms in the month of October. Maybe in YOUR state but this backwoods stuck in the 1800's state of mine, there were no free mammograms, and yes, I looked! I waited for my insurance to go through and I started the doctor visits and the swift cancer diagnosis came without even ONE test, then she put me through THREE tests to verify her assumption. I feel there was an easier route to diagnosing without the threat of spreading my disease, but who am I, just a little woman going up against the 'Big Bad know it all Doctors'.

Psoriasis: Physically visible my skin was as scaly as a fish! I had dry patches on my elbows and knees, my ears, and my back. This is a chronic illness that kept me in jeans and long sleeves for most of my life. There were times that it healed (so I know the signs of the healing) but over the years it has gotten worse. 

Arthritis: This did not surface until the year of the trips to Omaha took place. The too numerous-to-count, to me four-hour trips, that left my back in pain that I'd never known before. It cost me my ability to walk right. While the trips gained my husband his eyesight back, it cost me the ability to walk. I went to an NP (nurse practitioner) who had an office in a little town and she sent me for an x-ray and it was verified I had lower-lumbar-facet-joint-arthritis; an illness the current P.A. (physicians assistant) could not find as a feasible illness. (Shrug me off) But I know different because I am in this broken body. And if truth be told, just because other people have taken trips to Omaha in two-and-a-half hours and can walk, undermines my truth in the reason I can't walk. (Try driving in high winds, two and three times a week to Omaha! Eight-hour round trips.)
{whatever will be will be}

You have the trio, the proof that they exist, and now you need to know the truth that they are healing! I don't know if you've seen the movie, 'What About Bob', if so, you will understand the term baby-steps. I know for a fact that God is in the business of miracles, and I know people who have experienced them (my husband for one, his sight restored) and I know people who think He just blinks them into existence. Let me ask you this, did the miracle of Christ's birth blink into existence? Was it easy for Mary and Joseph? Was the miracle of Christ's death blinked into existence? Was carrying the cross an easy task? You need to seriously read and understand the Bible before you can understand what I say about my healing and it not just 'blinking into existence'. 

Let me first say I trusted God from the very beginning of this diagnosis. I trusted what He was saying and where He was leading. With that, I bring my baby-steps to healing and my continued healing!

Psoriasis: In the beginning when I began this journey my scars were visible and embarrassing, to say the least. Now, my 'sores' look like targets. I have big circles like a ring of fire, where the sore began and the center is in the clearing stages. Smooth skin is resurfacing and yes, it's taking its time, but it IS a work in progress moving FORWARD in healing and not getting worse. No new sores appearing.

Arthritis: The pain subsided for months last year as my tumor seemed to grow. Three levels of healing Psoriasis, Arthritis, and the Big C, all taking turns on the healing journey. The signs ARE there! While the pain may be back for a time...

Big C: The tumor is now in the SHRINKING phase. VISIBLY SHRINKING! I can't say much more without showing you a picture (eww gross) and I only wished I was of this techno world that takes a pic of everything just to document my PROOF. But then again let's go back to the Bible... show me pics as proof. (that is sarcasm, friends) We only have words to go on and as this journey of mine, it's all in my words. 

Go back and read my words from the beginning, it's all there. One day, my family might finally stumble upon my words and they'll finally SEE, CHRIST IN ME! As I take baby-steps toward my healing, I am enjoying each and every breath in the day because let's face it, as we enjoy these summer months, one never knows what the next day has in store. Cherish the day! 

May God bless each and every one of you! Have a beautiful Summer! Godspeed...

1 John 5:4 For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith.

Defining Moments

Job 30:18 “By the great force of my disease is my garment changed: it bindeth me about as the collar of my coat.”

Defining Moments

I will not allow an illness to define me. I will not allow the world to shape me and I can’t let people define the most intimate moments of my life. I’ve been taking a sort of break this week allowing my thoughts to be moved forward in a rush to the raging waterfall where they can be forced over the edge and led out to sea.

It seems the rabid heat wave of July has come to an end. This is where I mention once again that Nebraska has had an extremely mild summer give or take a couple of weeks in the lower nineties and a week in the upper nineties, with sporadic rain and nary a storm. Cool air crept in like the baby raccoons invading the property just moseying around to see what they can get into. The welcome cooler temps filled the night air and we rarely got above seventy in the evenings then the beautiful seventies temperatures arrived in our daytime hours beginning August first.

My defining summer moments have been shaped by a garden I didn’t plant but turned out beautiful anyway, new chores that have fallen on my lap because my son who used to do them got a full-time job, and then there’s the full-time employment that my son anxiously needed and received.  

I think 2017 will be a host of defining moments for me and the year isn’t even close to being over. Changes that are taking place, lifestyles uprooted, routines broken like the once fragile eggs that they were. Life is all about changes; I think it’s a matter of how you handle each set of circumstances tossed at you. You either catch the water balloon or allow it to shatter, splashing water all over your face.

Relieving stress and toxins has been one of the hardest of my defining moments year. Giving up sugar, processed food, meat, dairy was easy compared to the stress that haunts the days. While prayer and meditation work amazing wonders, wandering in to read my mail or visit facebook drown all of my meditative work. 

I think I failed big time as a parent and without going into detail because my son is very private, I’ll try and leave it at that. My son suffers from anxiety and depression and I’m the one holding the bag to his outlet of emotional outbursts. Then there is me, realizing my failure, and the need to let him go and shape his own future. It is stress I need to be gone if ever I am to heal from this dastardly disease.

A ray of hope shined momentarily when my neighbor moved from the trailer he lived in for six years. I got a little over excited thinking my son could rent the place. Boy, visions of a peace-filled transition washed over me but were slowly diminished by further inspection of the place. The place needs a lot of work and my landlord hasn’t gotten back to me on whether he is willing to do the much-needed maintenance of the place. By law, I believe he has to take care of them, but out here in the middle of nowhere, there is no law. I’m not willing to risk losing our very affordable housing (a house not a trailer) to push for mandatory maintenance so my son can get out of the house.

So, I continue in a toxic environment trying to heal what has been a life-altering diagnosis and has become a most notable defining moment in my life thus far. I never thought of my husband and son as the toxins that need to be remedied in my life but here I am the medium between two toxic people and trying to heal a toxic illness. 

I sit here and watch my husbands’ family move through life. They’re the good Christian family and all that entails in your mind when you think of when you think of a good Christian family. You know, the Leave It To Beaver June Cleaver kind of people? Yeah, when his mom sees my husband she hugs him like she hasn’t seen him for years and you can see all the love pass between the two. My sister-in-law has two kids that blend so well with her husbands’ two kids you’d think they were blood, but no, they’re more than blood siblings, they’re family!

It’s amazing to watch as an outsider city-gal. Sure I married into this great family but I’m out in the middle of nowhere as the Cleaver family moves on in a time-lapse fashion, and I sit here as the observer of two toxic people trying to live under the same roof. It’s an unneeded stress at a time I need no stress to add to my inflammatory body.

I have unmedicated pains many of my days. Not from this illness, from my arthritis and psoriasis. Trying to put bandages on a lifelong illness like psoriasis is not going as I had planned, and my arthritis flare ups keep me in check, wanting to do certain things but unable to just jump into gear. This is an interesting journey, to say the least. I still trudge through the pain, take breaks when needed and am still overwhelmed by simple things like visiting a social media site to visit with my Spiritual Family. Lord knows I've been dealt a raw deal with no REAL family to call my own. I think that's why He placed me here.

On the twenty-fifth of this month, it will have been eight months since I received the diagnosis of this life altering disease. Eight months of no processed food, no sugar, carbs, grains, etc. etc. and I long for the day I can just eat a piece of pizza without worrying that THAT will be my demise. Joni passed due to a slice of pizza! Hey, if I can’t have a sense of humor through all of this, shoot me now! 

My Lord has wrapped His blanketed touch around me for my protection and as the year of defining moment’s speed on, I’m cradled by His love! So if you don’t see me or my name for a couple of days at a time, know that I’m out here struggling to get through the day and always keep me in your prayer. I feel as if it were not for your continued prayers, I might as well pick out my urn now. 

1 Cor. 15:51 “Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed”

There IS Hope

Job 11:18 "And thou shalt be secure, because there is hope; yea, thou shalt dig about thee, and thou shalt take thy rest in safety."

There Is Hope

After a week-long bout of depression, I see that there IS hope in the future. The more and more I learn I can see and feel a future of Hope and promise. Knowledge is power, prayer is powerful, and moving forward is Hope-filled.

It all began last Saturday with a city-wide garage sales event. Not intending to hurt my feelings in any way, my husband commented after I said I love junk, I can’t wait to buy more, he said, “Careful, you don’t want to be like Lisa.”  Lisa is my neighbor and she is a hoarder. You know, like the kind you see on tv that they do TV shows about? Yeah, my neighbor is like that with flower pots, pallets, end tables and bikes and more strewn all over the place and three vehicles she doesn't use because ‘they need work’. I’m more of a nic-nac fan. But the comment hurt and it brought me to silent tears.

I came home with a cross, a carved angel, and two other angels to add to my collection. That’s what I like. I spent less than five dollars. My collection of angels began when my dad bought a beautiful angel for my sister and at the time, my ex-bro-in-law didn’t ‘allow’ angels in the house. His reasoning was it took away from thoughts of God and became idol worship. I know how sound that DOESN’T sound, so I switched with my sister, the angel for my beloved pig my dad had bought me. If you don’t know the difference between God and angels, then you need a little more than your Holy Bible, my friend. I also own a Precious Moments collection as well as Dreamscicle Cherubs, compliments of my mother years ago growing up. 

By Monday my hurt had festered and I didn’t feel like writing, walking or riding my bike. The funk was real and I felt like a shattered bottle on the ground. No, it wasn’t just that comment, it was also my feeling like a failure as a mother. I botched raising a good son and I feel the ramifications. He wants to move to Kentucky to meet his online girlfriend. Please, no comments or advice. This is a real hurt I need to work through. In time I may be able to write more. But the good news is, today he has a job interview! 

By Wednesday I was begging for prayer from my spiritual family. Finally, my mood wasn’t because of food. I am getting better on the food moods and I’m a bit confused looking at a twenty-year-olds body in the mirror and feeling like an eighty-year-old woman with leather skin and all! I need to meditate. Yeah, even that stopped for a few days and I FELT the difference of not meditating as my days WITH meditating.

Job 6:11 "What is my strength, that I should hope? and what is mine end, that I should prolong my life?"

I’m going to go through this storm of my life fighting. If only it were just one illness, maybe I wouldn’t get down, but three? Why is God all about three’s? (Trinity ring a bell?) *winkwink* I have been fighting psoriasis my whole life, arthritis for about four years and now this disease that crept up on me like a snail crossing the busy highway!

Wouldn’t you know, that the healing remedy for all three illnesses require the exact same supplements? They're all tied together, like a woven blanket, the illnesses are just unraveling threads. The good news is I’m doing everything to heal all aspects and the recent purchase of Tea Tree Oil Shampoo and Conditioner has shown great results in just two days of use! So that perked me up a bit.

And don’t worry friends, I don’t care how down I get, I never give up on my Morning Prayer and worship and bible reading. NEVER! I am committed to God and worship only Him! He is the one helping me sail through this being my lighthouse in the storm. The angels are just for warmth when I need a hug, and comfort when I feel down. God has never let me down, and this path, as slow as molasses filled that it is, I’m HEALING! I feel it and SEE it.

All praise and Glory to God! 

Pss. 71:5 "For thou art my hope, O Lord GOD: thou art 

my trust from my youth."

Seeing The Light

Eph. 5:26 "That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,"

Seeing the Light

After many days of rain and no sunshine, I finally saw the light the other day and I ran and got my camera. I took a couple of pictures just to prove I knew the orb was still out there in the universe spinning! Without it, I lack Vit. D in a big way and leaves me with stress in trying to bring vibrancy and the vitamin into my world via supplementation. For what seems like months, the sun has been a rare event as well as warmth which can sadden anyone in what is supposed to be Spring! 

Out here in Nebraska, we had such a warm and mild winter, the farmers thought they’d start early with tilling the fields and planting. That turned out to be a bad idea since we’ve had freezing temps and many of the fields need to be redone. Also, we’ve had so much rain the fields flooded out making the farmers well aware that no matter what they do, He is still in charge! 

Recently I read the sad news that I shouldn’t be eating the nightshade vegetables. The ones that are more than likely causing me inflammation are peppers (red and green), cayenne pepper, and tomatoes! I’m going to try and cut back on these. I know I overindulge in these but only because I read they were on the non-acidic list or the alkaline list. I didn’t look into what was causing the flare up of my arthritis and while my Boswellia has a remarkable effect I still have some back pain and I now KNOW it is from my overindulgence in red bell peppers and tomato everything!

Goodness, what things we need to learn to regain our health! This is the nightshade list and while I don’t have a problem with many, the peppers (cayenne, hot, and bell) and tomatoes jumped out at me as my over indulgence lay glaring in my face like the once hidden sunshine.  

Ashwagandha
Bell peppers (a.k.a. sweet peppers)
Bush tomato
Cape gooseberry (also known as ground cherries—not to be confused with regular cherries)
Cocona
Eggplant
Garden huckleberry (not to be confused with regular huckleberries)
Goji berries (a.k.a. wolfberry)
Hot peppers (such as chili peppers, jalapenos, habaneros, chili-based spices, red pepper, cayenne)
Kutjera
Naranjillas
Paprika
Pepinos
Pimentos
Potatoes (but not sweet potatoes)
Tamarillos
Tomatillos
Tomatoes

Like I said in my 5 25 17 post, four things cancer finds comfort in and snuggles up to is a virus, inflammation, bacteria, and fungus; all four of which I’ve battled throughout my life with and I realize NOW as the root cause of this disease eating away at me. No, I wasn’t sent to battle ONE illness, I have three or four, yay me! I AM a warrior! 

With Memorial Day approaching as the call to honor war veterans who have died in battle, I think of the ones who lived with the battle circling around them as they fought, trying to survive the killing war. I guess that would be what Veterans Day is for. I also think of all of the people who lighten the somber weekend with a cookout and have the day off of work rejoicing in a three-day weekend, giving nary a thought of the men who died in battle.

While I respect the Armed Forces and all of the government holidays celebrating them, my Memorial Day will be filled with thoughts of all of the family members I lost to the Battle of Cancer. There is no national holiday memorializing their loss and cancer has wiped out millions! 

I am not minimizing the Veterans of war; I have many members of my family who have served. I salute them for their service. But I have every right to memorialize my family members who lost the battle of their disease because there will be no government holiday remembering those victims. 

This week has been a somber week as I try and maintain my optimism. While I see the Light at the end of this tunnel and continue to wake thanking the Lord for being allowed to be a voice to the people, I have my days where optimism wanes. Four months in and it is quite difficult to daily wake up and be the pep who can’t eat peppers, the zip with a zing, the life amid so much death.

Hubby’s family will have another get-together next week and it will be yet another one I miss. I will be ready to celebrate with them by Christmas I hope, but I am still not ready yet for questions, unhealthy food, and celebration. I’m still in the early stages of acceptance of this disease, which is more earth-shattering than my psoriasis or arthritis, that’s for sure. They only know I’m battling the ‘C’ and arthritis and while they love me, they still have questions as to my choice in this path. I can hear everyone’s thoughts, “What, no drugs? Is she insane?” I can assure you I’m not, I’m saved!

Prov. 17:22 (NIV) “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” 

As I move forward and accept the fact that some ‘friends’ have given me the cold shoulder, I move forward into the Light and pray for their wounded souls. I don’t pray for myself as often as I should because there seem to be so many more people out there in the world worse off than me and they need my prayer.

As I seek and find the source of my optimism I stay in touch via my writing as often as I’m led to the words that fill me, I offer them to you. Remember, we are all members of one body. As you unknowingly hurt one, you hurt the other members and as you knowingly seek out to hurt one, you hurt the many. 

From my morning devotional from Bible Gateway: “Solomon assures us a cheerful heart is good medicine for the soul, the mind, and the body. Positive thoughts lead to a positive outlook which leads to a positive heart and a positive life. Negative thoughts lead to a broken spirit which impacts our minds, emotions and our lives.” Life in the flesh is another toxin invading the battlegrounds.

May God bless you all this weekend with loving memories of Veterans who have passed as well as family members who have passed. May your heart and soul be filled with love.

Romans 12:3-5 (NIV) "For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ, we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others."

Fort McHenry

Locust Point, Baltimore, Maryland

My hometown