Cancer: NOT a Death Sentence

James 5:16 “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”

Not a Death Sentence

When I was first diagnosed with this dastardly illness that everyone takes to be a death sentence, I remained calm and wasn’t going to be allowed to be charged by fear. Fear to me was the tactic of you HAVE to do chemotherapy, the kind with a port, or you will DIE! DIE! They tell you!  "You need radiation, we need to cut the crap out of you then we’ll hammer it with chemo, that has been our proven course for years now and we’re sticking to it!" 

I said, “No, give me time to think.”

“Think? You’re gonna die! What is there to think about? Die DIE DIE!” They basically screamed until their voices drifted off to the distance because no one was listening. “We’re losing her. There goes our $350,000 kickback!”

I told my friends I had the Big C and at first, they were sympathetic, and lifted me in prayer, and told me they’d be there as I went through… 'the treatment’. Umm but wait, I’m not doing treatment. Suddenly they started to fall by the wayside like scales of a fish. After they told me I was crazy, didn’t know what I was doing, they knew better, have lost more people from this disease than me, blah blah blah, is all I heard; I smelled the fear in THEM. The disease meant FEAR to them. I DO NOT see it as FEAR! I see it as a time for change and growth. 

Some people are still my friends but no longer what I thought of as close friends, they’re distant friends, no different than Peter, Paul or Mary, they’re there. What I didn’t expect to happen was for new friends to come out of the woodwork. They were on my friends' list but we didn’t converse much, it was those women and men who came forward in prayer and support! Those were the ones when I broke my femur showed they cared by their concern for me. They came out on day one of my diagnosis and stood firm in their support, never to waiver no matter what I decided! THAT is what a friend is!

I showed people the success of others through The Truth About Cancer, and Chris Wark and how people are out here surviving WITHOUT chemotherapy. They went a different HEALTHY route without drugs and some ten and twenty years later, hundreds if not thousands of people still have no signs of the disease. Google either one of the above names, don't just take my word for it. And here I’m laughed and scoffed at because I don’t believe in the conventional route to saving myself? To ME, it’s like those hypocrites who say, “Oh yeah, I’m a Christian.” But when asked by God himself to do the craziest thing you’ve ever heard, they’re like, “Well, I’m not going THAT far. He put drugs and doctors here for a reason.” That’s all well and good for YOU but not for ME. A slap in the face to me AND my faith! 

I showed people what they needed and how to change their diet and some did, for a month or so but they weakened and returned to their old gobbly good ways. ‘I see it, I eat it’ mentality, not caring if it is toxic, poison, or unhealthy. Set in their ways, they do what they want. Hmm… funny, that’s all I want, is to do what *I* want. But for some reason I’m wrong and they're what, sickly, coughing, wheezing, colds, flu, numerous illnesses many times a season? Then there’s me, I just have a disease everyone thinks is deadly. Obesity is deadly, heart disease is deadly, COPD is deadly, but hey, they have a drug to help you out there too. No reason to change up your eating habits, it’s all good. Go conventional, the government wouldn’t lie to YOU now, would it? You’re special, you voted, it’s your team of saving grace. God slides into home and He’s OUT! 

A Death Sentence huh? I felt this lump in 2014 and through hours of painstaking research I found out that it has been in my body festering seven to ten years BEFORE it would ever be discovered. So about 2004 something happened so tragically in my life and body that the cell woke up and started to grow, from a dust mote sized cell to a tumor. In 2017 I was ‘diagnosed’ so when they give me statistics like ‘this could keep you alive for ten and twenty years’, I’ve already been LIVING with it for ten almost twenty years. Statistics are meaningless, TO ME! 

Chemotherapy has saved so many lives but in hindsight, how many has it killed? My trauma was so deep that no, the alternative route was not going to work for me but neither is the chemo that’s killing everybody either. I asked my doctor to let’s work something out. He is complying, I think because in some way he WANTS to know if there are other ways to heal this disease. He knows deep down that there is more to this disease than feeding it drugs for the rest of people's lives and let them die on chemo. My doctor says I'm challenging! I told him, "How else would you grow if I didn't challenge you?"

Just like obesity, heart disease, COPD and a host of other illnesses, there is ANOTHER way besides drugs and all their deadly side effects. The doctor sometimes gives you the clear picture of what is going to happen if you don’t change your diet but here, take this pill in the interim and we’ll get your disease under control. Control not CURED!

I watched a series on Asian medicine this week and how doctors over in Malaysia, Singapore and other places are all dealing with alternative treatments to this disease because they know, the Big C is NOT a death sentence! There is NO one treatment that can treat all of the people the same. Every cancer is different and should be treated as such with each individual patient! The one doctor said that his wish was to see the oncologist, nutritionist, naturopath all sit down together and discuss the individuals' line of treatment. In a perfect world, that is how it would and should be but we’re in a conditioned world trained to do what we’re SCARED into doing. And we’re okay with that, well I’m NOT!

I, like many before me, have given you tools to save yourself. It’s a hard sell as it's free and you only took a bite, you didn’t want to change, you just wanted a taste. Obviously, a healthy life doesn’t taste good TO YOU because you are conditioned to eat meat and potatoes, you’re good. And that’s okay, it’s just not okay for me anymore, I want to save MY life. I don’t want the government to control what toxins they spray on my food, I don’t want them to own a conglomerate of pharmaceuticals to hand out like candy to the people who like candy or the people that never cared for candy. We’re all individual souls! We’re not on the conveyor belt of life.

I’ve given you what I could, now I need to focus on MY healing. Your support means the world to me, to those who’ve stuck around. To those that didn’t stick around all I can do is pray for you. I’ve been an open book, I have not lied nor manipulated, all I did was hand you the truth, or the truth that I know. May you all wander through life seeking the truth within you, and be honest with yourself, don’t sugarcoat it because He knows and sees all He’s just waiting for YOU to admit, your truth. 

God bless you all for letting me into your lives. And thank you for sharing your lives with me. This has been a profound experience and I’m honored to have shared it with you, and continue to share! 

All praise and Glory to God! 

Matt. 9:35-38  "And Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, and preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people. But when he saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion on them, because they fainted, and were scattered abroad, as sheep having no shepherd. Then saith he unto his disciples, The harvest truly is plenteous, but the labourers are few; Pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he will send forth labourers into his harvest."

January Second Blank

Rom. 3:23 “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

January Second

Today, my insomniac husband slept while my insomniac son wanted to come to the house and do his laundry. I prepared to get ready for my day of Physical Therapy. Now my sessions are getting more interesting with learning new things that I can do. I walked up a step last week and tested the use of a cane, instead of the walker or wheelchair. I passed with flying colors if I do say so myself.

Today I showed my son my ability to walk from one end of the room and back using just my cane! I used to think the cane made people look at me and judge me but now since my vanity has been shelved, I walk with my head held high using my cane. Not walking for three months makes you appreciate every step you’re allowed!

I love hearing the excitement in my son's voice when he says, ‘Wow mom, that’s awesome!’ Or ‘This is great, look how far you’ve come!’ I never realized how much I loved the praise but it does motivate me to keep going on and do one more thing different each day! Thank you, son! Now I somewhat understand why God loves us to praise Him, it motivates Him to do one more thing different for us each and every day.! 

Today, I made two laps around the PT gym. It’s not a big place but the laps were enough to cause me to break a sweat because I had done other exercises also, like the step up, step down exercise. I don’t think you realize how for granted you take a simple step! Whether it is a step to walking, a step leading into or out of the house, or a lazy walk to the kitchen! Appreciate every step because one day when it is abruptly taken away from you, you’re not always given a chance to regain what was lost. 

An open path leads to steps you’d might otherwise miss. Keep your eyes open for God’s mysterious ways. He has a tendency to use the weak and broken, not the pomp and arrogant. Be humble, friends.

May God bless the journey He has planned for me this year. May I be motivated to keep my chin up when it gets trying, and I remember to love when I see so much hate. 

The path I'll soon walk again!

HOME! The Real Miracle

Ex. 28:17 "And thou shalt set in it settings of stones, even four rows of stones: the first row shall be a sardius, a topaz, and a carbuncle: this shall be the first row."

Home, The Last Five Days of Rehab: The Stones

Monday came. Ray and I were awakened because she had dialysis that day. They woke her, dressed her, and had her ready for pick-up. On her ‘D’ days, she was grumpy and irritable, talking and cursing under her breath, swearing she was going to find a new home. I had the feeling since she had been there for three years, this was the best place she could find. I didn’t get all of the details on her that I would’ve liked but I knew enough to know, she was settled and she was staying. The nurses loved her and that was truly important in this place.

I woke because well, they’re pretty noisy in getting Ray dressed and ready and I want to grab someone to help me before they leave, so I was always awake at five a.m. This morning I would once again wait to receive my medications but I realize that this is the norm for this place, you get them when you get them. 

Today was the day that my voice was going to be heard, about my meds, about the disaster that happened Saturday and how this place is a pit from hell with incapacitated elderly people sprawled throughout. There were some who actually walked but honestly, the only one that I saw was Santa! But they already knew all of this and it’s really not telling them anything they don’t already know.

From around the curtain popped the one nurse from Sunday that I knew, Cathy and the aide Sondra. Cathy asked if I’d had my coffee yet today and when I said no she ran and got me one while Sondra cleaned up the previous trays from the day before. I told them that I’d be leaving this place by Friday if I could and they were like, “Awww, but you’ll be missed!” I told them that this place was becoming too traumatic a journey for me and a hindrance any healing. They both nodded and understood completely.

My physical therapy consisted of some leg lifts and exercises to prepare my leg to bend. For too many days my leg had stayed straight and felt like it would never bend again but I knew, in order to get out, I would work on bending my leg, one gentle step at a time. While physical and occupational therapy lasted a half hour tops, I worked out five times a day. My right arm was becoming stronger and stronger and helped immensely when I needed to push myself back on the bed.

Today was about Jacki and Erikka. Jacki was one of the administrators of the building as was Erikka. When Jacki came in she said she wanted to hear my side of the story about Saturday because she had heard everyone else's side. She also wanted to show me a stone. A precious purple stone, so shiny it lit the room. I looked at it and thought of Santa and his words of wisdom, ‘looking at the stone reminded me of looking at a million mountains’. This stone was chiseled from someplace special I could tell. She let me hold it and then she sat it in the sun in the window. “I can only loan this to you for the day but I want this to lift your spirits.” I had tears in my eyes as I said thank you. I always had the ladies laughing and she knew I was not in a good way this day, she knew I needed a lift and at this moment God used her to bring a beautiful stone to lift my spirit. Don’t judge me, I needed EVERYTHING I could get in that place to lift me up!

When Erikka walked in a little later carrying a bigger rock, a multi-colored stone that looked like it jumped right out of a scene of a Superman movie, I cried. Why is God bringing me these beautiful chiseled stones or is satan taunting me. I was so weak I could not tell so I prayed, for wisdom and knowledge that would lead me in the way I should go. The one main thing I received from these two visitors was the realization that I had allies in this place of doom, they were the ones who would see me out the front door! 

The nights of darkness enveloped me and sealed me in a cocoon. The voices, the shadows all played like a kaleidoscope in my head. I was hurting mentally and physically and all I had to cling to was my God in the most powerful way, alone and being tried. The stone sat in the window cove with my hospital treasures awaiting the sun so the brilliance of colors could shine through. The clouds and rain kept the stone from its glory.

We had a dilemma this week. For me to get home, I would need a ramp built so I could get into the house. Everything IN the house was already handicap ready. The other thing I needed was to get my leg bent! No matter how much I was fighting to get out of here, I could go nowhere if I couldn’t get into my car.

Erikka came into my room, sat on the side of the bed and whispered in her soft angelic voice, “Just say the word, and I can have you home today.” Erikka was a thin beautiful woman with sunrise orange hair pulled on top of her head. She glided in the room so as to look like she was floating. Sometimes her hair was flowing down her back over her modest vest of a matte color, eyes as blue as a cloudless sky.

Through tears I explained the dilemma, my leg needs to bend and we need a ramp built. I could taste home. Although I forgot what the back of the house looked like, how my flowers circled the house the last time I saw them, my Sassy dog was no longer there to greet me and Riley, the guys said, was playing hide and seek, she KNEW I wasn’t there. AND there was the fear of what home held for me. Joni was in need of a miracle!

After two weeks of discussion about a ramp being built and the cost, it seemed it just couldn't be done. Worry swept in like a Texas dust storm! They will not release me until they’re sure I have everything right at home. Steven had already taken on so much with taking care of me and running back and forth getting me stuff, he was now frazzled and ready for the hospital himself, just a different ward, if you know what I mean. Then in stepped his brother. Apparently, mom had contacted him, told him of our troubles, he contacted hubby and the only day he had off work to do the ramp was Wednesday, he could get the ramp done in a day! Now, all we needed was the weather to comply.

We had five days straight of cloudy, rainy, chilly weather after the day of me sitting in the sun seeing Santa. Forty-degrees and wind is pretty chilly, no, downright cold! I needed a miracle! Hubby was looking at the weather on his computer and he said that it looked like I’d get my miracle, a break in the weather for ONE DAY, Wednesday! It would be in the seventies! I thought, yeah, that will be a miracle.

Wednesday came, the SUN rose and peeked in my window, it reported loudly that today I’d get my miracle! I waited, I had coffee, I chatted with the nurses and assured them with great certainty that Friday I would be released! They hugged me, told me how much they’d miss me, we laughed and we cried, and we all commented on how I was the little miracle of St. John’s nursing home! 

By afternoon the day had topped out at eighty some degrees! The ramp was finished, paid for by his brother, and a pic was sent to my phone so I could show the Administrators of what this little miracle was capable of. They all agreed, Joni would be going home on Friday! Ray was mighty sad because ‘we’re fwends, right?’ I’ll never forget you, Ray! 

The one lady who saw to it that I got into this place kept telling me that my insurance had agreed to pay for another week if I needed. I laughed so hard I woke Ray up from her nap. “No thank you, I AM GOING HOME!”

On Thursday the cool temps and clouds returned, I readied for my Friday release! In the wee hours of Friday morning when I pushed the button for a nurse to bring me my meds, around the corner came Erikka, the beautiful angel who only worked day shift! She came in to do night shift JUST FOR ME! 

“Joni?” she whispered in her ever soft voice.

I sat straight up, I knew the voice. I tapped my dim light and saw her aura shining, “Erikka? Is that you,” tears came too easily when she said yes and sat next to me on the edge of my bed.

After giving me my meds, she went on in her whispering voice, “I brought you a healing stone,” she went on, “this stone was broken in half, in the morning light, you’ll see the crack and how it healed itself!”

Tears were now soaking my face and dripping down my chest. I grabbed for a kleenex, I was speechless. “You came for ME?” 

“Yes,” she said, “I prayed for you, for what to give you, I bring you the healing stone.” 

Our eyes met, mine blurred from tears and her blue eyes were brimming, with joy. She pressed the stone into my hand. “I might never see you again.” I squeaked out of my hoarse voice.

“Oh, I think you’ll see me again, you can fly!” With a tight hug and our farewells, she was gone.

Friday sunrise came and it was release day. I could’ve gotten out at nine a.m. but I chose to wait for Ray to come back from dialysis. The nurses were shocked to say the least, that someone so eager to get out, would stay, just for Ray. I stayed! Ray came back, peeked around the curtain and with her last, “Whacha doin’?” I said to her, “Waiting for you!” I gave her the last of my chips tied in a purple ribbon, her favorite color! 

The nurses came in, said their goodbyes and tears were shared by all. I made an impact on every single person I came in contact with during my ten-day stay. Hubby got the car ready, emptied my room of my contents, as I looked at the trays from the prior day and the full commode from that morning I whispered, “I won’t miss you!” 

I was wheeled to my car, passing nurses as I went, I waved with the biggest smile on my face to date… I was going HOME! 

Solar Eclipse from 8-21-17

1 Kgs.10:2 "And she came to Jerusalem with a very great train, with camels that bare spices, and very much gold, and precious stones: and when she was come to Solomon, she communed with him of all that was in her heart."

Josh. 4:8 And the children of Israel did so as Joshua commanded, and took up twelve stones out of the midst of Jordan, as the LORD spake unto Joshua, according to the number of the tribes of the children of Israel, and carried them over with them unto the place where they lodged, and laid them down there.

1 Chron. 29:2 "Now I have prepared with all my might for the house of my God the gold for things to be made of gold, and the silver for things of silver, and the brass for things of brass, the iron for things of iron, and wood for things of wood; onyx stones, and stones to be set, glistering stones, and of divers colours, and all manner of precious stones, and marble stones in abundance."

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good life! 

The First Sunday of Advent

Isa. 2:2 "And it shall come to pass in the last days, that the mountain of the LORD's house shall be established in the top of the mountains, and shall be exalted above the hills; and all nations shall flow unto it."

🙏The First Sunday of Advent 🙏

When I begin to reflect on the First Sunday of Advent, I often get asked, ‘Are you Catholic?’ and I say no, no I’m not. It is my time to reflect and rejoice on the relationship I have with my Lord and Savior. I tend to reflect and rejoice year round but Advent to me is a time where the world is so caught up in commercialism and materialism, Advent gives me a solid base to hold onto so I don’t get ensnared by the trap that man lay.

When I was diagnosed with a disease most people fear ever being told, they cling to that fear as it guides them through the treatment of their choice. When I was diagnosed, after a good-days-worth of tears well spent, I climbed into what some would call my ‘denial cloak’. They might be right but I was not accepting this diagnosis as a death sentence and I certainly would not put my life in the hands of people who make it a point of feeding fear and prescribing much-needed drugs as an answer to feeding that fear. Please, do not argue my stance with me, it is MINE. People think I’m crazy for believing the Bible and all it says about ‘fear’, it NOT being from God. You can’t take that word 'fear' literal now, can you? Or can you?

Mark 4:40 “And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?”

Advent to me is all that God is to me, Light, purity, sincerity, and most of all a TRUSTWORTHY RELATIONSHIP!

Isaiah. 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” 

He strengthens me in the way I should go and guides me in what I strongly believe to be the right direction, FOR ME! I say, FOR ME because we all hear, see and feel God differently as individuals. Christians (I myself included) have a tendency to justify their actions all based on a scripture they read. We justify daily living because ‘God said so’ and we are strong in what we believe whether we believe the earth is a mere 6,000 years old or 6 million years old, we ALL justify our stance because we read it in scripture.

Then it comes down to name calling and finger pointing, which to me, is judging one another. Justification. Is it justification if GOD spoke the word to you, not you read it in the Bible, but because God really placed it on your heart and you believe Him to be a trustworthy source? God does not dish out FAKE NEWS!

Did God tell you that one of your versions of the Holy Bible (KJV, NIV, or any of the numerous other versions) is the most accurately recorded?

Did God tell you not to put a Christmas tree up? Or to put one up?

Did God tell you to celebrate His sons birthday every year?

God told me that His WORD is the version I should trust the most.

God told me to love ALL trees and creation! Celebrate LIFE and BELIEVING in HIM the way YOU want! Even if it means the joy of lighting a Christmas tree!

We could justify every question above with a Bible verse that stands the tests of time and rigors of dissection. We do it because we BELIEVE! There ya go! Advent to ME is BELIEVING God wants me to celebrate His son every second of my day, not just once a year. God wants me to meditate on His word in any way that my focus is on Him (a candle, stones, rocks, a picture, or some wordless music) and not the false idols that religions, the world, politics and social media leads you to believe. Note that I said wordless music? I said that because I save the music with words as my praise to Him.

This is my life to Him, for Him, and in Him! 
I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I'll stand
My soul Lord to you surrendered
All I am is yours

I'll Stand 

As you go through this Christmas season, don’t let it bother you whether you celebrate Advent or not, don’t worry if you have a tree or not, don’t point fingers at those who believe differently than you, don’t envy your neighbor because they go all out when you can only afford to do YOUR all.

I can 100% assure that God is saying “When giving, give your all, to ME!” That is when our focus is on Him and not the world.

May the Light of the Lord rain down on you and wash over your body. May you drink Him in 
and it be a well within your soul.

Worship Music - My love

This is a You Tube praise and worship channel. It is one of the best I've listened to and yes, I've listened to many.

If you're hurt, in doubt, living in fear, give this a listen to, all the way through.

There is power in music.

Enjoy and be comforted and blessed!

Against The Wind

Mark 6:47-48 (NIV) "Later that night, the boat was in the middle of the 

lake, and he was alone on land. He saw the disciples straining at the oars, because the wind was against them.” 

Against the Wind

When you’re in as much pain as me, you have a lot of time to just sit and think. Sitting is not good for me because the longer I sit the harder it is to get back up. But lo and behold, I’ve had time to think.

I have a dear friend who worries about me. I love that anyone thinks of me but this friend goes above and beyond in caring for me and well yes, he’s concerned about my progress, understandably so. 

I was moving along so nicely, appeared to be healing at record speed then BAM! It seemed to halt. What on earth happened? I tried analyzing and over analyzing but in time (God's time) I figured it out. A raging wind came that’s what happened, tossing me about to and fro.

Mark 6:48 “And he saw them toiling in rowing; for the wind was contrary unto them: and about the fourth watch of the night he cometh unto them, walking upon the sea, and would have passed by them.”

Did you ever notice that when you pray, you sometimes (mostly all the time) have to wait for an answer? Some of the time we don’t get the answer we want because we hastily let our minds go to work instead of allowing God to do His job. Yup, that was me. As much as I say I’m listening to God, I strayed off course because I wanted things done in my time!

MS Word keeps crashing. Let's try again.

Nebraska doesn’t have the tumultuous waters but it does have the horrendous gusting winds to either push or halt me in its path. I was sailing along enjoying my journey, patting myself on the back, admiring my own strength, and could actually see and feel a healing taking place as I soared. Then the winds came and stopped me and my ego in its tracks.

Well, it was morning when I tried writing, it is now afternoon and the zone has closed. I hope I can get back to the point I was trying to make if this gives me a chance. I notice whenever I try saying how good God is, something causes this to crash and it was crashing like mad this morning but now I’ve gotten more than five sentences in without a crash. I know as soon as I get in the zone it will crash, or some higher force in the realm of my computer's insides is fixing the little hidden bugs that are trying to keep me from writing.

Okay, where was I? Oh yeah…getting the wind knocked out of me by the gusty winds. I was soaring along in my healing when I suddenly got the wind knocked out of me but the unseen force was more my arrogance, in hindsight. I’ve been trying to figure out what went wrong and I can blame the wheat bread, the gluten, the one time cheat but I knew deep down none of that was the cause. 

I prayed. For months I prayed and while I wanted an answer pronto as I kept writing, and my concerned friend kept asking, I was at a loss why I was not getting the response I wanted or the time frame I wanted. Well, because GOD IS IN CONTROL, not me and He’ll respond when HE is good and ready. I need to learn patience! And it would do good if my friends knew patience as well. [winkwink]

Last week when I had my mowing spree and I even weed whacked; my underarm started hurting, quite specifically my lymph node on the side of the tumor. It had been showing signs of swelling and I just thought oh great add a thunderstorm to the mix of pain. As the sea swelled and I was being tossed around, pain, cane, back, everything swirled and swirled around me and I was just ready to give up and eat whatever I want and give up on this whole protocol thing. Put me in a hospice and let me go. 

I didn’t bail on my protocol, or on the rough seas churning about, I continued to paddle against the wind. I looked up on google ‘pain in lymph nodes' the other night and was reminded (I covered this when I was first diagnosed) that the lymph nodes are our defense mechanism. If they are swelled then they are in there kicking butt against an invading illness.

Google response: “Lymph nodes become swollen in response to illness, infection, or stress. Swollen lymph nodes are one sign that your lymphatic system is working to rid your body of the responsible agents.”

Last year upon diagnosis, I was told they were going to slice this tumor out of my breast and take some lymph nodes with it. Can you imagine? Had they taken my lymph nodes, I have nothing in my immune system fighting FOR me, they would destroy a portion of me that I NEEDED to heal!

Did you ever notice that when you pray, you sometimes (mostly all the time) have to wait for an answer? Some of the time we don’t get the answer we want because we hastily let our minds go to work instead of allowing God to do His job. Yup, that was me. As much as I say I’m listening to God, I strayed off course because I wanted things done in my time!

When I checked out lymph nodes on google and as I already knew, lymph nodes are a defense mechanism. My swelled nodes had me concerned and my husband of course worries with every pain I have so I try not to tell anyone anything because they read too much into it and want a hasty healing, not the slow one that the CANCER seas are going to take a person on. It is what it is, my friends, cancer is ugly no matter what route you take on the healing journey. This illness can't just be prayed away, or expected to miraculously disappear.

What causes lymph nodes to swell? I repeat! Google says: "Lymph nodes become swollen in response to illness, infection, or stress. Swollen lymph nodes are one sign that your lymphatic system is working to rid your body of the responsible agents." 

Read that people! LYMPHATIC SYSTEM WORKING TO RID THE BODY of [FOREIGN AGENTS]. My lymph nodes that doctors wanted to take away are in there FIGHTING FOR ME! Had they taken them away, I'd have nothing to defend me against this crud. My immune system would be shot, my nodes gone, and I'd be disfigured, more than the forty-seven pounds of weight loss has granted me. 

My Bible Gateway email this [yesterday]morning spoke directly to me! I was carried away by the storm not seeing the full picture.

Mind you that all this week the emails were about college or kids getting out of school etc. etc, but this [yesterday] morning it was targeted RIGHT AT ME! While I'm out here in the midst of a storm, Jesus hasn't forgotten about me, no not at all, He's right here WITH me! Imagine how foolish I felt when I'm always telling everyone else to have patience then realize I wasn't being patient myself! I was just as eager as you to see this crud OVER and DONE WITH! 

My prayers were answered in this little email and in prayer. God is still with me and has been all along! No, the crud is not over and done with, we still have a long way to go but the one thing I can say is that through the back-breaking daily pain, through every step with my cane, I know God is with me as I heal! The first half of my journey, when I was walking and soaring, was what the finished product will look like. Now, this half of the journey is the pain and suffering I must endure, the cross I must carry. Imagine if the first leg of the journey was all pain and suffering. I may have never made it to the second or third part of the journey. I would've given up! Allowed fear and negativity to show me the way. Now that I know what I'll look like healed I am all the more determined to see this through to the end. 

God works in mysterious ways, my friends. Trust and patience are the tools to see you through. I am no longer sailing against the winds. I'm riding along with them, and am at a place where I am SUPPOSED to be; not where everyone thinks I should be, or where I WANT to be, but where God has positioned me, in His time! 

All praise and Glory to God! 

 Isaiah 41:10 (NIV), “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” 

Light Through the Dark

Colossians 3:16 “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.”

Godliness with contentment is great gain

When people are hit with adversity, how they react defines who they are. When you whine and cry and want a shower of pity to fall around you, you are not shining a light on the power of Christ you’re shining a light upon yourself.

Many Christians define themselves by what they are going through, how bad their life is or isn’t, and all the pain they’ve suffered over the years, this is what defines who they are today and where they will go tomorrow.

When I was given the diagnosis of a lifetime, in that very moment of being swept away for tests upon tests, that I didn’t ask for, by the way, I shut down. For those hours in the day of being wheeled from CT scan, mammogram, biopsy etc, I was not myself, I allowed darkness to swallow me. I allowed myself briefly to be swept away in my own pity. I cried and cried, hours on end until it felt as if my eyes were bleeding.

I perceived the experience as if my very body walked through the pits of hell and it was not a place I was all too familiar with. Since becoming a Christian I had been through many fiery trials but this one was different, this one wasn’t one where everyone else who went through the pit came out alive. I needed to tighten my faith.

When I got home after leaving the pits of fire, I had time to pray, to contemplate what happened and ask, “God, what will you have me do, for YOU?” I did not ask the 'why me' scenario. I didn’t cry out that I’m not strong enough for this path set before me. My first thought was how can I shine the Light of God through this diagnosis. Sure enough, He showed me the way and that is the path you see me on today.

I’ve seen so many people face this illness over and over again. And as unique as this condition is, so is how each individual handles their treatment and all that we’re faced with.

I know of many people who will stay in the pits with fears, pain, loss, drugs, and medications, along with self-pity only because they won’t ask God, what would He have them do. When in the flames of the moment, it is just too hot and the focus is on the self and the urgency of take me out of here now, when all along we needed praise God for the chance to shine the Light on Him, not us. 

Yes, being in the pits are hell, yes it feels as if the fire will consume us, yes it feels like the pain will drown us in quicksand but rest assured if you take a chance and jump with faith, He will catch you. Another problem with people and their faith these days is it just doesn't happen quick enough, there is no patience in pain. I’m sure you look at me and say under your breath that I don’t know hell until I’ve been through what YOU’VE been through. I don’t say that lightly. What I’m saying is that your hard life is no worse than anyone else’s hard life. We could sit around for weeks and months comparing notes on who’s had it worse but is that getting anyone closer to God? Of course not because that is not where God resides in the midst of pity parties. That is not the path God chose for us as Christians.

The celebration God resides in is the one where He showers you in confetti when you’re praising and singing His name in the throes of the pits of hell. Are you afraid of dying? If you’re a Christian, do you understand there is no death, you are promised eternal life so why live your life in a pit of despair if you are carrying the promise of God? Walk boldly carrying your cross!

I think of the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and King Nebuchadnezzar asking them to worship his god. Did they throw themselves a pity party before going into the fire? NO! They didn’t fear, you know why, because their God promised them eternal life, they had nothing to lose and everything to gain by shining the Light on God and not themselves.

We’re all wandering around in a world of ‘you don’t know what I’ve been through’. Let me tell you, I can guarantee Jesus went through ten times worse. I never once heard/read that Jesus preached a woe, woe is me story. No, every step of his pain He cried out to God and glorified HIS name, not his own. While hanging on the cross he cried out, “Why has though forsaken me?” The rest is history because God did not forsake him, He gave him new life, eternal life! Breathe that in for a moment.

Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying the path you chose is not the right one for you, we each have a different path that is going to hopefully get us to the same destination. I have every bit of faith in where I’m headed and it surely isn’t in the pits of hell. I will walk on singing the praises and glory to God in the midst of this illness. My focus is on Him, not the bible, not the verses, not touting He said this and He said that, no, my focus is on HIM every step of the way and my sharing this with you is my way of leaving behind the path that *I* choose to walk, I choose to see the Light through the dark. 

Alleluia Amen!

1 Kgs. 20:22 “And the prophet came to the king of Israel, and said unto him, Go, strengthen thy self, and mark, and see what thou doest: for at the return of the year the king of Syria will come up against thee.”

“There are times when solitude is better than society, and silence is wiser than speech. We should be better Christians if we were more alone, waiting upon God, and gathering through meditation on His Word spiritual strength for labour in his service. We ought to muse upon the things of God because we thus get the real nutriment out of them. . . . Why is it that some Christians, although they hear many sermons, make but slow advances in the divine life? Because they neglect their closets and do not thoughtfully meditate on God's Word. They love the wheat, but they do not grind it; they would have the corn, but they will not go forth into the fields to gather it; the fruit hangs upon the tree, but they will not pluck it; the water flows at their feet, but they will not stoop to drink it. From such folly deliver us, O Lord.” 

― Charles Haddon Spurgeon

A Milestone...Changes ARE Happening

Isa. 60:19 "The sun shall be no more thy light by day; neither for brightness shall the moon give light unto thee: but the LORD shall be unto thee an everlasting light, and thy God thy glory."

A Milestone

I wanted to share a bit of a milestone that really came out of nowhere. You remember that for years I thought I had MS and that my unbalance may have been a symptom? I have posted numerous times telling of my pains in my back, knees and everywhere else. 

I know I have one friend that remembers the intimate details I displayed for you all here on my blog. If you’re a follower, you know my story. If you’re not a follower, there are previous posts links over there to play catch up.

Being unbalanced left me either sitting or standing and holding onto the wall but never could I stand and put my pants on in about four years now; it was just too uncertain.

Yesterday it happened, I had to go into my bedroom and get pants. Without even thinking, I stood in the middle of the room and put my pants on, one leg at a time. No wobble, no uncertainty, no holding onto anything, nothing. After pulling them up and buttoning them, I stood there and thought, ‘did I just do that’? A tear came to my eye because it had been four years since feeling like a somewhat normal human being.

My body is changing for the good. Apparently, a healthy lifestyle is what I needed to regain my balance. Not only has the loss of thirty pounds made a significant difference in my wardrobe (115 lbs and holding), the adding of pertinent supplements and healthy eating all around has made a difference in my showering, the way I dress, the way I walk and just about everything in my life. 

This week though, I’ve been on the defense in so many ways. I’m thinking October 29th, the second anniversary of my dad’s passing is taking a toll on me that I never seen coming. I am at peace with his passing but I do have to contend with my mother, very much alive who misses him terribly on a daily basis. She says she can’t figure out why she was kept here alive and I told her point blank, maybe it’s for ME! I think God is going to keep me alive for HER as well.

My mother has no idea I have this ugly disease, she would become paranoid (as usual) and worry too much and try to instill fear in me so I think her NOT knowing is for her benefit as well as mine. I think God has kept her alive for me since she is really the only family that I’m in touch with on a daily basis, my grounding so-to-speak. I’ve always been very close to my mother and not physically seeing her for over ten years has its own stress factor but to hear her voice daily helps relieve the stress immensely.

Another milestone is the tumor itself. I’ve been feeling some sharp pains here lately and instead of fear and panic I kicked into research mode and conferred with ladies experiencing the exact same thing as I, as we are all on an alternative path together. I’m going to get a little (a lot) personal and graphic here, if you’re a man, turn away now. 

The tumor is in the rapid cell die-off phase. Without a doctor, you might be wondering how I know this. Well, let me tell you. The tumor is big. I’ve already done immeasurable research on this and have found that the tumor is not cancer. The tumor is a result of the cancer, a reaction if you will, it is NOT the cancer itself. Back in January when the disease was discovered, I went to the doctor with a C+ cup size of my left breast. I, my life since teenage years, have been a very comfortable B size. 

With my diet change and weight loss, I’m bound to lose breast size so that isn’t the telltale sign I’m looking for in healing, no, the pains are. Over I’d say this past month (since a miraculous herb literally walked in my front door) or two I’ve had a reduction of breast size on the LEFT side. No longer a C+ or even a C, I’m fitting comfortably back into my B cup! You might see that as no big deal, but visually it IS a big deal because I SEE the healing taking place! The tumor is still there but if the pains are a telltale sign of rapid cell die off, I’m winning this battle, a little pain at a time!

I have to share this graphic tale with you as I move toward the continued healing part of my journey. I’m still edgy and defensive but hey, maybe a lack of sugar and carbs is having that effect nine months later. I still have my sense of humor, I took a six-week writing course, and while a little stressful for me, I took it as a challenge to stretch my writing muscles even further. I’m still maintaining strict eating habits that I’m coming to enjoy, I’m still walking and exercising, still loving life and still have problems with my defensiveness. I can work on that though. I’ve done so much work this year that finally I’m seeing the results of my labor. A little defensiveness is nothing to tackle.

All my praise and glory goes to my God on most high! I could not and would not be where I am today without Him holding the reins! My supportive friends are very much an aspect of this healing too! Thank you, and God bless! 

The Results Are In

Acts 4:22 “For the man was above forty years old, on whom this miracle of healing was shewed.”

The Results Are In

I can honestly say I patiently waited. I thought the doctor said she’d call Friday but I remembered I did ask for a written copy of the results because I do better visually seeing with my own eyes.

I felt good about the blood test because I know I’ve been doing everything and more to get this crud under control! In my mind, I shouldn’t even have this disease, this belongs to someone else. But such as it is, I got the diagnosis.

To many, this is the jaw dropping death sentence disease that no one wants but millions each year get and quite frankly, die. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, a million times if you’d let it sink into your brain, cancer does NOT kill, chemotherapy DOES! 

I’ll quit stalling because I know you all, my dear spiritual family, who has been with me through this illness these past six months, are as eager as I am to get the results, to actually SEE the results. Just so you know, by the end of the letter I received, the doc did encourage me to get treatment (chemo) for this disease but understood my want for alternative treatment first. She is a medical professional, I’d expect nothing less from her.

Now let me start out with, when you’re diagnosed with cancer, NOTHING is normal; no blood counts are normal, no vitamin counts, everything registers deficient.  That is another signal (besides the mammogram, CT scan, and biopsies) you have the ugly C or some other illness festering inside. Here are the results with comments from me in parentheses.

The letter started off…
Your white blood count including your INFECTION cells (CELLS), were NORMAL at 6,000. Normal range is 4,000 to 11,000.  (comment: mine is 6,000 meaning to me it is ascending daily or can stay where it is, normal range!)

Your hemoglobin was normal at 13.8 and your platelets were normal at 306,000. These should be between 150,000 and 400,00 (comment: I am almost ABOVE normal!)

Other lab testing included comprehensive metabolic panel which looks at your liver, kidneys and all of your electrolytes. Your blood protein ratio was a little bit off (not a lot). This can be affected by hydration, nutrition—this can be mildly affected. (you all know my diet, so this is a normal response, to me) Your liver function tests and your kidney function tests including your sodium, potassium, blood sugar and chloride were all normal! (Comment: this means the detoxification I’m doing is registering in my organs. This is a very good sign when these organs are functioning normally with this disease.)

Your vitamin b12 level was actually ABOVE normal range at 998. Normal range is 193-986. This is just fine to be slightly high. (comment: You bet it is! B12 is a major component of the vitamin that’s essential to fighting this disease. She even said that at the office.)

Your vitamin D level is at 37. Anything over 30 is considered normal. (Comment: Vit. D is another major nutrient component in the fight.)

Overall, all of these tests are essentially NORMAL!!! (my caps and exclamation marks)

Tears flooded from my eyes at this point! Six months of not knowing if what I’m doing was really working. Yes, I most certainly have faith it is, I can see things that SHOW me this diet, my eating habit change has all been working. How everything is just a part of a working machine that when taken care of properly it all works in order to heal.

She also added that while these tests were good, none can be a direct indicator of progressing cancer or improving (the immune system). She has to say that so she is not held liable in any way. I did tell her that I would hold myself directly responsible for whatever outcome happens. And well…it looks like I might be NORMAL after all, at least my blood is. * Big ol’ smile *

My God is an awesome God He reigns. I could not be doing what I’m doing without Him. Once again as so many other times in my life, He has NEVER let me down. My prayers have been answered and I walk along a tough road in faith but now I have actual tests to prove, what I’m doing is showing signs of working. Onward I go on the healing path I’ve chosen.

Thank you and God bless you all!

Luke 9:11 “And the people, when they knew it, followed him: and he received them, and spake unto them of the kingdom of God, and healed them that had need of healing.”

Transforming

Rom. 12:2 “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

Transforming

There are numerous scientific studies that show the way we habitually think changes our physiological makeup in our brains. To me, it shows that the biblical verse telling us to be transformed means so much more than just follow Christ. I read so much more into scripture and it is never a clear-cut literal meaning to me when I read something from the Holy Bible.

God wants us to be transformed. He didn’t want us following the ways of the world because He knew even back when he was creating, that this world would be corrupted and we needed to be strong in our minds to stand up against the wiles of the world.

2 Cor. 11:13-15 “For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into the apostles of Christ. And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light. Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also be transformed as the ministers of righteousness; whose end shall be according to their works.”

When I write about healing this dastardly disease, I in no way think I’m doing this all on my own. I know there are many out there that think I’m crazy, “change your diet and heal” how silly is that. If that were the case doctors would be prescribing healthy food change instead of the poisons they so often dish out, right? Wrong. Doctors are trained to dish out pharmaceuticals. They’re not in the health business nor will they promote it. They to me are no different than drug dealers, they just have legal means to get through the red tape.

While I’ve always been a follower of Christ, being transformed is a whole different matter. When you think of someone who has gone through a transformation what is the first thing that comes to your mind? That they’ve changed in their entirety right? Not just something as physical as a nose job or facelift. Facial physical features usually conjure the words, they’ve had work done. Think about that, there is a difference in a physical transformation and a spiritual metaphysical one.

Rom. 2:19 "And art confident that thou thyself are a guide to the blind, a light of them which are in darkness."

I myself am not conformed to this world but there is always room for growth within the realm of transformation. While I may have physically appeared to be transformed on the outside, this illness has caused me to transform on the inside as well. If I were to look at an x-ray of my insides I more than likely would be looking at the transformation this disease has wrought on all the cogs of this machine I call my body.

Now if a doctor looked at my x-rays, as they have, seeing everything askew, the first thing they offer is drugs, not health and diet changes. They want to physically chop me up and radiate me and I just don’t feel like conforming to their method when God Himself tells me to ‘be transformed’. Again, a transformation is nothing physical to ME!

If I thought in my mind for a minute that the slice and dice method was for me, I’d go that route with no hesitancy. Instead, my mind is conformed to the way of God and I’m being transformed physically, mentally and spiritually! 

It’s ironic, have you ever wondered why you need a doctor in the first place? You botched up your health (temple) and you need the doctor to pacify you. You NEED the drugs. To transform your health is quite difficult so the road most frequented seems like the right road to take. It is quite obvious to me that I screwed up taking care of my health, so when the doctor offered a pacifying method, I chose to go to God and see what He says. I need to clean and take care of my temple (body) and treat it as the sacred place of God if I’m ever to survive this disease.

1 Cor. 3:16- 17 “Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy that person; for God’s temple is sacred, and you together are that temple.”

Here I am today, in a transformation stage. I feel like a butterfly inside the cocoon wriggling and squirming, waiting to be set free. Then it happens, I wake one day and look in the mirror and don’t see the same ol’ unhealthy person that used to be there, I’ve been granted wings to FLY.

Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

He’s arrived. I waited; He showed up and gave me wings to fly, to be transformed, to heal, inside and out. He gave me the ability to run and not be weary, to walk and not faint. He’s allowed me to soar and not be conformed to this world. I am transforming!

All praise and Glory to God!

Moving Right Along...Healing

Luke 9:11 And the people, when they knew it, followed him: and he received them, and spake unto them of the kingdom of God, and healed them that had need of healing.

Moving right along… HEALING

While some might see my alternative treatment actions of this disease of mine as bungee jumping without any bungee cords, I see myself as jumping with a safety net; a net filled with cotton balls no less!

You see, chemotherapy is not safe bungee cord. Chemo is a frayed bungee cord that they hand you after you’ve already paid the enormous jumping fee. Then you find out that the bridge is under construction and could topple mid jump and most assuredly you won’t make it alive. You will have a long arduous life wrought with pain and sicknesses of all kinds, but hey, that’s the price you pay when bungee jumping from the Chemo bridge.

As people struggle to understand my approach, I struggle to understand their soapbox that they stand on and think they know all of the facts because of a couple people who survived with the chemo treatments. I have yet to see a success story unless it was caught early on and they had minimal treatments. They STILL had to change their eating habits and lifestyle or guess what, their frayed cord comes back to haunt them, it stings them for years.

I apparently have been living with this disease for YEARS. The lump didn’t just pop up over night. Nope, it isn’t the size of a pea either! I allowed the lump to grow for a year before I got it checked out because of no health insurance and believe me, it didn’t appear at a moment's notice either. If you believe it did, then you must also believe the earth was brought about by a Big Bang Theory.

Just as the Creator didn’t blink Earth into existence overnight, He took his time and made sure everything was perfect, just perfect. Everything was moving right along until an entity came along with a ‘better idea’ of how to run things. We all see how that turned out, don’t we? We are no longer living in a perfect creation.

Remember, before satan came along the earth was flourishing with herbs and spices, and untainted animals. The atmosphere wasn’t full of toxins. The waters were clean enough to drink and bathe in, and the food was good enough to eat. In those days when people got sick, I can most assure you that what healed them was herbal teas. They tiptoed out in the fields, plucked flowers and leaves and boiled them in water to make a tea to drink in hopes it would heal their beloved sick. 

Through tried and true measures, they found what worked and the results were handed down to their fellow man. Then it happened, again satan felt he knew how to run this machine better than man. Greed came out to play and you see before you the game he spun, the Big Pharma who has pockets deeper than any valley. The laughter is echoed as people die but their pockets are full and their lives are monetarily rich beyond measure. Good job, satan!

Many people are conditioned, or brainwashed into believing everything they are told. Me, I’ve always had a way of finding my own way, walking in faith with one hand in Gods' hand, the other with the truth. God didn’t give me a mask to show off to the people so that everyone falls for a disguised woman. No, he gave me a beauty from the inside that shines for all the world to see.

This illness does not define me. My faith defines the woman I am and people who think THEY have a better way to run this factory we live in won’t mislead me. Mankind is overrun with little satans all thinking they have the right cure for this and that when all along the simplistic approach that God handed us STILL works to this day.

When I was first diagnosed, doctors tried to shatter me to the core, people lashed out telling me what I MUST do, or die! Everyone became the speaker on a podium with their wriggling pointing fingers. They tried to place me in the corner of the ring, where I was left to cower, curled up and in tears. I looked up. Right in front of me was a glorious Light shining. From four corners of the earth, it seemed the Light beckoned me to continue to follow Him. He offered the Way, the Truth and the Life. I rose, took His hand and followed.

John 14:6 “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.”

While fingers are still pointing, people are still on their podium, and there are those who would just rather burn me at the stake for not following along with THEM and THEIR conformity. I will stand tall and I will stand firm as persecution surrounds me. I WILL walk into the Light with no fear in where it is I am being led. I am moving right along in attaining that perfect world that God created for ALL of us to share.

All praise and Glory to God!

John 14:2  In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.

There IS Hope

Job 11:18 "And thou shalt be secure, because there is hope; yea, thou shalt dig about thee, and thou shalt take thy rest in safety."

There Is Hope

After a week-long bout of depression, I see that there IS hope in the future. The more and more I learn I can see and feel a future of Hope and promise. Knowledge is power, prayer is powerful, and moving forward is Hope-filled.

It all began last Saturday with a city-wide garage sales event. Not intending to hurt my feelings in any way, my husband commented after I said I love junk, I can’t wait to buy more, he said, “Careful, you don’t want to be like Lisa.”  Lisa is my neighbor and she is a hoarder. You know, like the kind you see on tv that they do TV shows about? Yeah, my neighbor is like that with flower pots, pallets, end tables and bikes and more strewn all over the place and three vehicles she doesn't use because ‘they need work’. I’m more of a nic-nac fan. But the comment hurt and it brought me to silent tears.

I came home with a cross, a carved angel, and two other angels to add to my collection. That’s what I like. I spent less than five dollars. My collection of angels began when my dad bought a beautiful angel for my sister and at the time, my ex-bro-in-law didn’t ‘allow’ angels in the house. His reasoning was it took away from thoughts of God and became idol worship. I know how sound that DOESN’T sound, so I switched with my sister, the angel for my beloved pig my dad had bought me. If you don’t know the difference between God and angels, then you need a little more than your Holy Bible, my friend. I also own a Precious Moments collection as well as Dreamscicle Cherubs, compliments of my mother years ago growing up. 

By Monday my hurt had festered and I didn’t feel like writing, walking or riding my bike. The funk was real and I felt like a shattered bottle on the ground. No, it wasn’t just that comment, it was also my feeling like a failure as a mother. I botched raising a good son and I feel the ramifications. He wants to move to Kentucky to meet his online girlfriend. Please, no comments or advice. This is a real hurt I need to work through. In time I may be able to write more. But the good news is, today he has a job interview! 

By Wednesday I was begging for prayer from my spiritual family. Finally, my mood wasn’t because of food. I am getting better on the food moods and I’m a bit confused looking at a twenty-year-olds body in the mirror and feeling like an eighty-year-old woman with leather skin and all! I need to meditate. Yeah, even that stopped for a few days and I FELT the difference of not meditating as my days WITH meditating.

Job 6:11 "What is my strength, that I should hope? and what is mine end, that I should prolong my life?"

I’m going to go through this storm of my life fighting. If only it were just one illness, maybe I wouldn’t get down, but three? Why is God all about three’s? (Trinity ring a bell?) *winkwink* I have been fighting psoriasis my whole life, arthritis for about four years and now this disease that crept up on me like a snail crossing the busy highway!

Wouldn’t you know, that the healing remedy for all three illnesses require the exact same supplements? They're all tied together, like a woven blanket, the illnesses are just unraveling threads. The good news is I’m doing everything to heal all aspects and the recent purchase of Tea Tree Oil Shampoo and Conditioner has shown great results in just two days of use! So that perked me up a bit.

And don’t worry friends, I don’t care how down I get, I never give up on my Morning Prayer and worship and bible reading. NEVER! I am committed to God and worship only Him! He is the one helping me sail through this being my lighthouse in the storm. The angels are just for warmth when I need a hug, and comfort when I feel down. God has never let me down, and this path, as slow as molasses filled that it is, I’m HEALING! I feel it and SEE it.

All praise and Glory to God! 

Pss. 71:5 "For thou art my hope, O Lord GOD: thou art 

my trust from my youth."

Hope In The Hopeless

2 Cor. 1:3-4 (ESV) “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

Hope in the Hopeless

Shocked, saddened or heartbroken, that is the reaction you get when you tell people your diagnosis. The Big C has always carried with it the equality of a death sentence. They don’t see the hope of Christ living in us and working through us, they see disaster, dread, empathy, basically, they see death in us.

I’ve learned in my life that Jesus overcame death and it is not something to be feared. If we feared death with every downfall we have in our life, every affliction, every illness, and disease, we would see it as a disaster about to happen. Opportunity knocks in the strangest of situations. Some people are used to show you the Glory of God in an affliction as we show you the Light of Christ shining through us.

There IS hope in the hopeless; you just need to be willing to see past your own hardened observations. Empathizing is a lot different than sympathizing.  Empathizing is almost like feeling sorry for a person going through a difficult stage in their life where sympathizing is feeling equal in understanding what the person is going through. 

Definition of:
Empathy – the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

Sympathy -- harmony of or agreement in feeling, as between persons or on the part of one person with respect to another.

When my Dad, Aunt, and Uncle were all battling this same disease, I felt sorry for them because I couldn’t do anything so I felt helpless and I didn’t understand what they were going through because I had never been through the same thing. As individual and unique as this disease is, we all handle the diagnosis and treatment differently. 

Many are conditioned to see a death sentence. Many see no hope in the hopeless, many also would rather turn their heads to ignore the situation than bringing HOPE to the hopelessness people feel.

I’ll admit, after hearing the initial diagnosis, it crumbled me like a cookie. I saw my life slowly flash before my eyes and I saw an imminent death sentence awaiting me. The oncologists fed me their lies and I believed them, even after I had accepted this illness, they continued to shovel in the fear and hopelessness. I would enter the office full of hope, I would leave wondering where the broom was to sweep up the mess I’d leave behind. 

I would regain the hope I walked in with not long after leaving the office and I promised myself I wouldn’t put myself through that series of negative mud-slinging ever again. I would build on my strength with the Lord and I would walk a path few are brave enough to face. Even if it is not considered bravery, there needs to be an inner strength and willingness to walk the path that might look dim to others but to you is a path of Light.

I see hope in the hopeless. Just like the rain filled days, I always saw the sun shining through. The stationary bike is a perfect example. I could see the days on end of rain as taking my newly formed walking routine away from me but instead, I saw the bike in the basement as a ray of light! And this week, I learned from hubby’s mom, who gave us the bike, that it had a story behind it.

Just a reminder, things always walk through my door free of charge or of minimal price when I need them the most, the bike rode in when my husband was suffering from blindness. The bike sat in his mother’s basement doing nothing and she didn’t want to get rid of it, but when her son needed something to keep his idle body busy, she offered the bike to us.

Many years ago, his mother had found out that someone had entered her name in a raffle. She is not one to sign up for raffles for her own reasons but this person signed her up and guess what she won? The bike! It’s a nice stationary bike, a Schwinn to be exact, with an arm exerciser as you peddle too! She took it not knowing what to do with it so it sat in her basement, years on end until her son went blind and she offered it to him. Little did she know that it would be a blessing to me also. We moved to Nebraska eight years ago BECAUSE of his blindness and had we remained in Texas, no bike, no story. His sight was restored in another miraculous moment that I wrote about, years ago.

God works in mysterious ways of bringing HOPE to the hopeless! I frequently see meme after meme telling me not to donate to the Goodwill because they are making millions off of us people. I have to disagree, I have never gone into a Goodwill where a Cadillac was parked outside and the manager was wearing an expensive Armani suit. No, I see people of my class or lower, working the register, working the backroom unloading donations, I see people WORKING and not for millions of dollars either. That is the only place where I can go and AFFORD nice jeans and clothes and I’m not ashamed to admit it either! I donate clothes to them and I buy clothes from them. 

Hope in the hopeless, from a 2011 post of mine: “Ok, Shady Brooks is a place in my mind where water ripples downstream, I create the illusion of the rainbow permanently above my head inspiring me to move forward in life, sitting on the edge of the water with my notebook in hand. No laughter, just the rushing water, wind-chimes off in the distance and me sitting there, alone, waiting for sanity to brush my face and as they slowly appear, I realize, they are all new people, that have entered my life and are lifting me to the heights that I need to be.”

It isn’t just me bringing hope to the hopeless; it is my friends bringing hope to me, too. They are surrounding me with support and without them, I don’t feel this path would be as easy going as the past four months (fourteen years of friendship for that matter) have been. Sure I have my down days but there is HOPE waiting for me at the beginning and end of every single day! I make the most of a day and I find a peace in my affliction and will continue to share my HOPE and Light with you!

God Bless You, one and ALL! 

Pss. 111:1 “Praise ye the LORD. I will praise the LORD with my whole heart, in the assembly of the upright, and in the congregation.”

There is no one like our God!

God of this City

A Little Scare

Luke 12:2-3 “For there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; neither hid, that shall not be known. Therefore whatsoever ye have spoken in darkness shall be heard in the light; and that which ye have spoken in the ear in closets shall be proclaimed upon the housetops.”

I Had a Little Scare

I’m baaaaack! Did ya miss me? <3 b="" nbsp="">

Last week my hubby came down with a cold, just as Holy Week was beginning. On the eighth, he had to come home early from work because his head was more congested than a California highway during rush hour. He really gets bad this time of year with allergies and his asthma. I kicked into high gear and made him a small pot of chicken noodle soup, all for himself. 

By nighttime, his head was more clogged than the New York City streets on New Year's Eve and the box of Kleenex had dwindled. I asked him if he’d be willing to take a dose of vitamin C for me and he felt so bad, he complied. He had been talking earlier about going to the doctor on Monday so here he was, desperate (as all men become when sick) seeking the vitamin I offered. It’s a 5,000 mg powdered version that I take for my illness, and he drank it reluctantly but got it down like a good boy. 

When he rose from bed Sunday morning, his congestion had subsided and it was minimal. By Monday, he felt fine enough not to call the doctor and even did little things around the house. This is where my little scare came into the picture. 

While I was feeling fine, my throat was a little sore and I thought of the TTAC series that I had watched. What came to mind was a doctor saying, “It’s not cancer that will kill the person [fighting the illness] it’s the common cold. It’s pneumonia.” Patients fighting this illness are already immune-deficient and a cold could be detrimental. 

So, knowing the possible cold germs were invading my home, I had to be careful. Have I been taking supplements long enough for them to boost my immune system enough for me to evade this common cold bombarding my house? I’d have to wait and see. My diffuser was turned on and the air was being cleansed as I wrote. 

I rose Tuesday feeling somewhat fine but by midday, my congestion won out, I was on the sofa, head in hands saying, “what now Lord?” That’s when a little scare crept in. I’ve been doing so good in my healing, would the Lord allow this little invader to take me out? I know He wouldn’t but I also know what would! The place of fear and doubt and whoever is placing THOSE thoughts would take me out!

I turned to prayer and worship! I went on facebook and asked all of my spiritual friends to lift me in prayer as I fight this enemy, right now in the form of a common cold. I prayed and prayed along with meditation and some great worship music to soothe my soul, please be allergies! By nightfall, I was well ready for bed and looked forward to sleeping for eight hours. 

I woke to a sore throat. It felt as if I had swallowed razor blades. I needed something hot on my throat. I allow myself two cups of coffee and it was a sweet reward after a good eight hours rest. Then the sneezing began coupled with blowing my nose, numerous times. Here’s hoping it's just allergies from the seasonal blooming trees. The more the wind howled, the more I sneezed.

I could tell a force of nature, possibly a dark force, was driving this fear of a cold. I opened my email to see some spammer had tried commenting on my blog. This is the reason I have to verify comments but I haven’t seen a spammer in a couple of years since ‘modifying’ comments.

On an older, My Spiritual Friends post this woman was offering me a voodoo doctor. Seriously? A voodoo doctor? I’m obviously a spirit filled person for GOD why would someone think I’d be interested in voodoo? Then my husband on his YouTube channel posted opening and closing credits of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, yeah, don’t ask. I was being hit all around by the dark side, literally. I just added extra garlic to my morning breakfast. Hahahaha, that’s a joke!

I don’t fear the dark side attacking me instead, I prepare and fight back. Monday night my movie pick was God’s Not Dead! Ha, take that. Along with my bible reading and praise and worship the dark was sitting a mile up the road in way of darkened skies and cold temps. Monday, April 10th our high was 43 degrees with a windchill of 30! That’s spring for ya. 

Although the clouds, high winds and cold have kept me from my daily walk, I’m okay with it because I see it as God telling me I need a rest. For every negative, I see a positive! With this cold, I see it as seasonal allergies. With the cold weather, I see it’s time to do some inside cleaning of the house. As dark tries to creep in, I shine my Light so it has no place to dwell!

Wednesday night my movie pick was God’s Not Dead 2, Thursday Prince of Egypt, Friday’s pick Exodus, Saturday a documentary on Christ. My Holy Week had me drowning in the Holy and loving every second of it. No writing on my blog to bog my friends down with Joni’s woes, nope, I shared my heartwarming poetry for the entire week! This week I’ll be back writing, letting you all know how I know what I’m doing is working, maybe share some recipes of my new boring forced diet, and possibly share the dozens of supplements I’m taking. 

*By Saturday the 15th, whatever it was that had gotten to me, a cold, allergies whatever, it was gone and I was feeling almost back to normal. Not 100% but well enough to do some work around the house. 

I wrote this post during Holy Week because well, you just can’t keep a good writer down! I’ll update* this if need be but I hope you all had a most blessed Resurrection Sunday! 

Rom 5:1-5  “Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: [5] And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.”