No Net

Pss. 10:9 “He lieth in wait secretly as a lion in his den: he lieth in wait to catch the poor: he doth catch the poor, when he draweth him into his net.”

Think about it. Have you ever seen a trapeze artist walk a thin line attempting to get to the other platform…with NO NET? That’s what having no internet is like, kind of.

You’ll be surfing along that fine line, focusing on your completed task, then WHAM the internet cuts out. WHOA, you try to make some sense of the lack of balance but there is none. You don’t fall to your death I assure you but you do get that feeling of isolation and being cut off from the outside world abruptly.

We live out in the middle of nowhere and we’ve had internet issues for years now. First the wind knocks the dish out of whack, then a tree limb is in the way, then we get a new dish only for it to work temporarily, then we get a new tower but again the trees are blocking the little beam from our dish that needs to connect to the tower. This has been our balancing act for years now.

Then last week with assured confidence the internet guy comes out and tells us that there is a NEW tower we can use to connect. A new dish and a new beam that supposedly cuts through the trees like a lumberjack! Yeah it worked excellently for a day or two, then WHAM, back out again; off and on. He said we were the guinea pigs on the new system so I guess we can assuredly tell HIM that the lumberjack grew tired and left the job, eh?

I’m a writer and my blog and writing is pretty important to me as much as games and YouTube is to my guys! No net, no access to any of these things, so if you see me not blogging for periods at a time, think NET or the lack thereof. 

We also have NetFlix so you can imagine the irritation when right in the middle of a movie, the internet waves bye bye! Or worse yet, when 10 minutes are remaining and the climax is unraveling then POOF…no movie!

We don’t have many luxuries like a telephone with internet, heck we don’t even have texting available on our phones! We have the internet, that is a luxury to us because we PAY for it every month! We don’t have the luxury of pilfering/stealing/borrowing our neighbor’s wifi because as you can guess, they don’t even have internet! NetfFlix was our New Years splurge and I’m wondering if and when we’ll have good enough access to actually use the luxury on a daily basis.

Assuming everyone knew of my net woes, I excitedly posted on facebook “The net guy is here!” Well, to someONE who don’t pay attention to my wall or my posts, they thought for sure the whitecoats were coming out here with a net to get me and I maniacally went running around the yard screaming as I flee from them with their net. How funny. NOT! Although I’ll probably need them if we don’t get this internet fixed soon!

Don’t get me wrong, the net does work sometimes, I should say when it is good it is really good but when it is bad, it is really really bad! And so it goes, life without a net is not a good idea, just as walking without God is not a good idea. Good thing we have unlimited access to HIM, free of charge, without interruption! Funny thing is, with no internet, the closer I feel to God… hmm, now there’s a concept for ya.

Okay, gotta run…my garden is calling me.

Pss. 25:15 “Mine eyes are ever toward the LORD; for he shall pluck my feet out of the net.”

Everything Has Changed

^ALONE^

Luke 21:34 “And take heed to yourselves, lest at any time your hearts be overcharged with surfeiting, and drunkenness, and cares of this life, and so that day come upon you unawares.”

I was going to write this yesterday but I thought it would come off as a bitter post instead of the mixed emotions I’m feeling. I took a deep breath this early morning with the temps at 6 a.m. hovering in the upper fifties. Ahhh the summer morning temps have yet to arrive, although I’m sure they will, for at least a month or so. My sympathy goes out to those enduring scorching heat and drought.

Back to my thoughts… everything has changed. I didn’t ask for the change but I was certainly ready and knowing it would happen. I assumed others were ready too but it looks as if it caught them unawares just as the bible stated.

In the passing of a week, I woke to find friends who’ve I known for quite a while sending off some much more than usual hate filled vibes. Why? What happened? What changed? It’s kind of funny how I woke and saw a few of my friends hadn’t changed, their vibes came through as often they do, as a light I see in them, while others just exuded inner hate that poured through the screen even if they didn’t intend it that way, you could FEEL the pool of hate.

It started with the Confederate flag. A kid, 20 years old, walked into an African American church and killed nine people all in the name of HATE. He had posted on Social Media his hate and was seen touting the Confederate flag, which by the way is part of American history, but seen as a waving of hatred of blacks across the south. So the plea went out to remove the flag from the State Office buildings.

I noticed a small ripple in the pool of hate. The Confederate flag! How dare they remove this symbol from our history, they cried. I wish the poor poor me tears would flow out to sea, but no, the hate wallowed in the pool never to meet a river of love.

I DO realize the Confederate flag is a part of our history but people are just so riled and ready to spew hate they attacked at the first sign of unrest. I realized now more than ever before that the white man has never really accepted the black man into the same circle. Many will deny it but after this past year it is EVIDENT in the pool of hate! Last week we watched a movie called BUTLER and it showed me quite vividly how the black community has been oppressed by the white man for no other reason than the color of their skin! (A GREAT movie by the way.)

Then the whopper – the Supreme Court ruling that gay marriage will be accepted in ALL 50 states! Wow, talk about an epic eruption of hate. The Social Media lit up in rainbows, people changing their profile pic to be overshadowed in a rainbow as a show of support of gay pride. People making fun of the gay community as far as going on and saying all pedophiles are changing THEIR profile pics to the rainbow too, that to me was a slap in the face to gays and the hatemongers to ‘like like’ when others are WITH them in their hateful opinions.

Oh wait that’s not all, the so-called Christians stood on their self-righteous soap box saying, “That is not in the bible! Homosexuality is against God!” You could even see the smoke flaming out of their nostrils as the huffed and puffed. Me? I’m being judged for not falling into their hate trap. I’m teased for my mental instability and physical disability, no human is right these days.

Did you know that every single homosexual is a human being? Created by God? They are the sons and daughters of God loving parents; they are the aunts and uncles of possibly YOU! I know many who love God as much as YOU! They are HUMAN BEINGS!!!! Yet you treat them as scum on the bottom of your shoe?

If this is how you carry on Jesus’ work then I better go back and read the bible and see where Jesus condemned homosexuals to hell without any chance of salvation. I need to see the story of Jesus walking along a dirt road coming upon two men having sex and saying, “REPENT you sinner or be condemned to hell for eternity!”

The way I see it, we ARE ALL condemned to hell!!! His blood was shed for me a sinner yet I am condemned to hell? People want God back in this world but maybe what they need is God in their SOUL and stop condemning every single thing that you don’t agree with. I don’t see millions of Christians marching and protesting for the return of religion to this nation, yet you claim to stand with Christ? You turning a blind eye awaiting the return of Jesus, how’s that working for ya?

I can see the real Christians. Their walk is in Christ. They lift up their voices in the name of love and ignore all the hate-spewers and carry the armor of God, in a manner that Christ himself taught Christians to do. They don’t judge, taunt, tease and hide behind words that they don’t wish to LIVE by.

While everyone’s newsfeed on Facebook was lighting up to a Confederate War with a Splash of Skittles, my newsfeed looked like it always does: food, kitties, roses, flowers, scripture and prayer. Yeah, apparently that makes me mentally unstable, have a good laugh. Now I have to wonder just whom I’m befriending. * scratching my head *

As satan is lurking effortlessly and having people do his bidding, I struggle every day to keep my focus on GOD and LOVE! No easy task in a world of hate. Wake up people, the world is changing. You don’t want to be caught sleeping now, do you?

Heb 13:2 “Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.”

 

 

Poetry Sunday ~ Unity

Gen. 9: 13 “I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth.”

Unity

In the midst of beauty lies

Darkness gathered round

I heard it in the stillness there

Uncertainty with a sound

Join the voices calling out

Be one with God and man

In the stirrings of the heart

The Light to which I stand

The rainbows arc dances loud

Across the sunlit sky

In the back a darkened shroud

I hear the people cry.

Rain explodes from the span

Puddles form from drops

Divided in a darkened sky

A rainbow then erupts.

One color never shines alone

They join to cast a bow

A shower of solidarity

Men and women wish to know.

Only God can be the judge

Of man and earthly sin

The rainbow is a promise

Of the flood we’ll never win.

Gen. 9:16 “And the bow shall be in the cloud; and I will look upon it, that I may remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is upon the earth.”

 

 

 

Quotation Saturday ~ Humanity

Pss.10:4 The wicked, through the pride of his countenance, will not seek after God: God is not in all his thoughts.

HUMANITY

“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”
~ Mahatma Gandhi

“It's funny how humans can wrap their mind around things and fit them into their version of reality.”
~ Rick Riordan

“We can know only that we know nothing. And that is the highest degree of human wisdom.”
~ Leo Tolstoy

“Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul.”
~ Oscar Wilde

EQUALITY

“To call woman the weaker sex is a libel; it is man's injustice to woman. If by strength is meant brute strength, then, indeed, is woman less brute than man. If by strength is meant moral power, then woman is immeasurably man's superior. Has she not greater intuition, is she not more self-sacrificing, has she not greater powers of endurance, has she not greater courage? Without her, man could not be. If nonviolence is the law of our being, the future is with woman. Who can make a more effective appeal to the heart than woman?"
~ Mahatma Gandhi

“Equality is not a concept. It's not something we should be striving for. It's a necessity. Equality is like gravity. We need it to stand on this earth as men and women, and the misogyny that is in every culture is not a true part of the human condition. It is life out of balance, and that imbalance is sucking something out of the soul of every man and woman who's confronted with it. We need equality. Kinda now.”
~ Joss Whedon

“Wherever you find a great man, you will find a great mother or a great wife standing behind him -- or so they used to say. It would be interesting to know how many great women have had great fathers and husbands behind them.”
~ Dorothy L. Sayers

“All opinions are not equal. Some are a very great deal more robust, sophisticated and well supported in logic and argument than others.”
~ Douglas Adams

TOLERANCE

“Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the wrong. Sometime in life you will have been all of these.”
~ Lloyd Shearer

“It is not for me to judge another man's life. I must judge, I must choose, I must spurn, purely for myself. For myself, alone.”
~ Hermann Hesse

“It's a universal law-- intolerance is the first sign of an inadequate education. An ill-educated person behaves with arrogant impatience, whereas truly profound education breeds humility.”
~ Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

“Christian, Jew, Muslim, shaman, Zoroastrian, stone, ground, mountain, river, each has a secret way of being with the mystery, unique and not to be judged”
~ Rumi

“Laws alone can not secure freedom of expression; in order that every man present his views without penalty there must be spirit of tolerance in the entire population.”
~ Albert Einstein

PREJUDICE

“Prejudices, it is well known, are most difficult to eradicate from the heart whose soil has never been loosened or fertilised by education: they grow there, firm as weeds among stones.”
~ Charlotte Brontë

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”
~ Martin Luther King Jr.

“There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.”
~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“If someone is able to show me that what I think or do is not right, I will happily change, for I seek the truth, by which no one was ever truly harmed. It is the person who continues in his self-deception and ignorance who is harmed.”
~ Marcus Aurelius

Prov. 8:13 “The fear of the LORD is to hate evil: pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth, do I hate.”

I Choose God, You Choose Sin

Phil 1:29 “For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake;”

I’m targeting this post to all the non-believers who think I chose a fairy tale belief just because ‘some men wrote it thousands of years ago.’ These non-believers are so quick to point out the wrongs with the Bible but are rarely heard exclaiming what is right with the Bible, which makes me think they have either read the bible and didn’t understand it or are just commenting and following what other people have told them, not basing their opinion on any scientific fact or any truth whatsoever.

Here’s the thing, you choose not to believe whereas I choose TO believe. I don’t judge the non-believers but they sure go out of their way to judge Christians for their beliefs. When the non-believer reads something like say, the Noah story where God flooded the earth and had Noah take two of every animal onto the ark; they choose to not believe this testimony. I’ve always been curious too but that’s as far as it went when I was a child but since the advent of computer technology (I had to dig through numerous books at the library before Google) I can dig and find answers more quickly now and have a CHOICE on what I believe. NB’s choose not to dig and just take everything at face value and judge.

Here is one comment on Yahoo that saddened me:

“What would jesus do? well if your jesus cant stop children from being raped in his own house of worship, what good is he? if your jesus is powerful and can do things why didnt he make that shooters gun jam, or have the bullets miss the people that got killed in his church? and if your answer is because of freedom of will and he does not not intervene, then why do people pray to him for help when someone gets really sick or if they survive a car crash they thank "god" for saving them. or when something really good happens they look up in the sky and say 'thank you jesus'. it makes me sick how if something good happens its because of the grace of god, but if something bad happens he didnt help because of freedom of will. christians are delusional.”

2 Thess. 2:11 “And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie:”

I was going to correct all the grammatical errors in that post but it just speaks volumes as to the type of non-believers out there. I HAD to capitalize the first sentence because it drove me nuts but the gist of society is in this person’s voice. THIS is what is wrong with America today! (not grammar Nazi’s)

As we as a nation have turned our backs on God, why do people (non-believers) cry when HE turns His back on humans? You see, I don’t feel in any way shape or form that God has turned his back on us. I don’t feel that because a sick and deranged evil man unleashed gunfire on a church was in any way a time for God to step in and say, “Hey wait a minute, not in MY house!”  Earth is his House too, so why hasn’t he stepped in to wipe us out completely? The same reason He let Adam and Eve live after he commanded them NOT to eat of the tree of life or they would surely die, he had compassion on his creation. Maybe this is God’s compassion on us thinking maybe we’ll see the error of our ways.

Why do people pray to Him when they are sick? Because we KNOW the power and healing of our Lord Jesus Christ. How do we know? Not only because of the words of man because of the sincere depth of knowing Him personally, yes through his words to us but more importantly Him IN us; there is a difference.

Did God stop satan from offering the fruit to Eve? No, He didn’t and we now live with the repercussions of sin. When I see people rioting, I don’t think, “God, why don’t you stop them?” I more on the lines think, “Satan is in full swing.” When I hear the cries, “Black lives matter.” I think, “ALL LIVES MATTER!” Society is the remnant of satan and we’re living in times where Jesus doesn’t matter because of all the luring satan has done to human beings!

People CHOOSE satan over God, plain and simple. When they choose to rob, they’re not doing it for God; when they choose to kill, maim, torture they are not doing it for the love of God. Just as Eve chose satan and his delicious fruit, we as a human race have chosen what satan has to offer instead of what God has to offer.

When you say I have chosen a fairy tale to believe, you are assuming my life is shaped by a book and by words alone. I’m here to tell you, my life is shaped by God as a Spirit dwelling in me; sure I read the book, the Bible, yes I love the Words in the book but it isn’t who I am and all that has shaped me. I am filled with the Spirit of Christ first and foremost. My God has led me to this juncture in my life and it is to Him I give the Glory, not man and his hate.

I won’t judge you for choosing sin and satan or choosing nothing at all as long as you don’t judge me for choosing God! 

*author's note: I will not capitalize satan!

1 Thess. 2:13 “For this cause also thank we God without ceasing, because, when ye received the word of God which ye heard of us, ye received it not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, which effectually worketh also in you that believe.”

Sick Of It All

Ecc.10:13 “The beginning of the words of his mouth is foolishness: and the end of his talk is mischievous madness.

I’m seeing the devastation all around, not just in my homeland; floods, earthquakes, riots, forest fires, drought etc.  It’s easy to point fingers when it is all happening to someone else but clearly there is nothing to joke about when people are dying! Devastation is NOT a political joke, nor should you feel good about yourself in sharing in the ridicule.

Some will laugh and blame witchcraft and ignorantly blame gays for the Houston, Texas area flooding (even in jest it is NOT FUNNY). But will Florida point the same finger when THEY are hit with devastation? Or California when that big earthquake hits or are they blaming these folks for their drought? We live in a pretty sick world that loves laughing and pointing fingers all the while touting scripture that they pretty much don’t LIVE or TRY to live but they go on in their ignorant fashion laughing and blaming OTHERS!

When will man look in the mirror and blame himself for not doing one daggum thing? Never, that’s when because they’d rather laugh, taunt and mock other people for the devastation hitting the world. It makes them feel good.

Like I said before, I’m not affiliated with any political party and I can see clearly every single day why I don’t affiliate with the moronic conservative crowd that thinks their poop doesn’t stink and it is ALWAYS the other parties fault for EVERYthing. I don’t affiliate with the other party because, well, their not the brightest bunch of apples hanging on the tree either.

People of BOTH parties swim in rude ignorant behavior, they are hate-mongers who bask lovingly in all the hate they spew and actually feel good about themselves? I’d be quite embarrassed if I were them but no, they enjoy the hate; they love wrapping themselves in a satanic type blanket and cover themselves in scripture-chocolate-filled parfait.

A sadistic nation of people who call themselves Christian, whom I turn from on a daily basis and just about delete my facebook account daily too because their sickness will not infect me if I don’t let them.

From Bible Gateway:
Revenge belongs to God. If vengeance is God's, then it is not ours. God has not asked us to settle the score or get even. Ever.
Why? The answer is found in Joseph's statement: "You meant to hurt me, but God turned your evil into good to save the lives of many people, which is being done."
Forgiveness comes easier with a wide-angle lens. Joseph uses one to get the whole picture. He refuses to focus on the betrayal of his brothers without also seeing the loyalty of his God.
It always helps to see the big picture.

So who gives people the right to lash out? To hate? To mock, laugh, taunt and tease? It sure isn’t God! They say they know, they say this, they say that. People who blow breath from their mouths because they read does not make a person KNOW! I’m sick of it all!

Do you realize that people split hairs on the things they claim to know but really know absolutely nothing about, in my book? Because I choose not to hate people, because I choose to forgive, because I choose to live as a Christian has me splitting hairs and not wanting to be anything! I’m sick of it all!

They say they know Muslim but they are lying, they know OF them and judge ALL of them as Islamic haters and killers, and judge them as such. They say they know atheists but they don’t know them, they know OF them, and judge them as people who don’t believe in God so they must be judged. They judge the Buddhists that they claim to know and they even claim to know some Christians. Well let me tell you, some of the so-called Christians I KNOW are no better than ANY of these people listed above; they are in the exact same category that they place on the people they are judging.

What makes them better; because their God is better than the other god or goddesses? I’m just sick of it all. This country is going to hell in a hand-basket and it is those very judgmental freaky know it alls who are to blame! YOU are the very reason this judgment is raining down on us. “Judge not lest you BE judged.”

I want to know whose God died and made man judge and jury over it all? (Spare me the "Jesus died." He died for your SIN not for you to JUDGE)

 It seems the so-called Christians feel THEY have a right, the Islam followers feel THEY have a right, name any religion and they all feel entitled to be judge and jury of their fellow man. Only God the Father has the right to judge! And it is because of MAN that all this devastation is showering down on us. Because of YOU and ME! Not because of THEM (whomever you put in a box.)

The real CHRISTIANS are a separate crowd of people. THEY are the ones sharing love, comfort, compassion and understanding. If THEY sit in judgment, it is NOT publicly or socially, it is behind closed doors in prayer! It is THOSE Christians whose words I listen to and turn to, honor and respect on a daily basis. I will not embrace the hate mongers of society as my fellow Christian just because they say this or that is so! Deceivers and deceived they are.

I need to go pray, a nation of beasts needs my prayer.

Ecc. 10:14 A fool also is full of words: a man cannot tell what shall be; and what shall be after him, who can tell him?

Sometimes...

"Just because a person ‘looks’ fine on the outside, doesn’t mean they aren’t suffering with debilitating pain on the inside. Just as you wouldn’t judge a book by its cover, don’t judge a person because they ‘look’ fine." ~ Joni

Sometimes…

Sometimes… my tears fall down like rain

Sometimes… I smile through all the pain

Sometimes… I’m judged by what you see

Sometimes… there's no fun in being me.

Sometimes… the clouds wash o’er my soul

Sometimes… I’m left not feeling whole

Sometimes… someone should take my hand

Sometimes… I need you to understand.

Sometimes… the sun don’t ever shine

Sometimes… I’m not doing ‘fine’

Sometimes… the tears won’t ever fall

Sometimes… I hide behind it all.

Sometimes… I hear the Lord demand

Sometimes… He says child take my hand

Sometimes… when tears fall down like rain

Those times… He carries all my pain.

Job 33:19 He is chastened also with pain upon his bed, and the multitude of his bones with strong pain:

 

 

The Week That Took Its Toll

Courthouse: Minden Nebraska

Job 33:19 He is chastened also with pain upon his bed, and the multitude of his bones with strong pain:

The Week That Took Its Toll

Yeah, what was supposed to be the best week of my life didn’t quite turn out the way I planned. Now I’m thinking I should have just picked some random day in ANY month of the year except MAY to get married!

My back did not take too kind to the torture I put it through last week and as of today it is in retaliation of anything that resembles moving or work. While I’m not trying to sound whiney (I might come off as such) I NEED people to understand my pain!

My left hand has gone numb and typing on the keyboard might be lost to me soon, so I need to get this out. While many of you see a picture of me and say to yourself, she doesn’t LOOK like she is in pain, let me tell you, I hide it well until I begin to walk then I am visibly in pain and then the questions start shooting at me like I’m the bulls eye on a dartboard!

“How’s your back?”

“Are you okay?”

“I hate thinking of you in so much pain.”

Look people, this is my cross to bear!  Some will even toss in a ‘you’re too young.’ Gee thanks, I’m glad you have done all that I’ve done in my life abusing my body and you’re older with no pain, good for you! Alleluia amen! This is MY body, the one *I* was born with, not YOU!

I started when I was about eight with the rearranging of furniture. Not just a table here a lamp there, I’m talking beds, sofa and chairs, bureaus and it continued in life until six years ago when I realized I had shoveled 2 ft. of snow one too many times! I also cleaned houses dragging equipment around and cleaning stuff. I over did it, now I’m paying for it!

Five years ago I fell down the steps obviously damaging a nerve somewhere in my left foot. No medical insurance led me to self-medicating and taking care of the problem myself. I wonder if it ever healed?

Then there were the many drives to Omaha. A good 3 hour drive from Minden but I remember one specific day it took me every bit of four hours to drive there; it was during that time that the winds were so high, I kept straining to keep the car within the two lines with 18-wheelers flying past me at 75 miles per hour pushing me around like a pinball machine. I knew something was wrong when I got out of the car at the half-way point where we stopped to eat; I couldn’t lift my right leg! It just dragged behind me as I limped into Wendy’s. I just thought it would pass after I got home but many more exhausting trips to Omaha (7 hours round trip of being the sole driver) took its toll on my back and I finally went to the doctor. I was told I had lower-lumbar-facet-joint arthritis.

Great it had a name but guess what, no cure! No money, no meds, no physical therapy; I was on my own, explaining effortlessly my disability to people who had seen me BEFORE and were now seeing me with a crippled limp!

The arthritis didn’t stop at my back, it went to my knees, down to my very toes; more pain, more limping and more people not understanding why this disability hasn’t just gone away.

I don’t know how to vividly explain it but I will give it a shot. Have you ever seen one of those Tesla balls? Where if you run your hand over it is like electrifying magnetically charged particles? Take a look at the picture: Taken from google pics

See the center? Imagine that is my heel; with every step, pain in little veins of fire, light up and I clench my teeth just to take another step! The pain stretches from my foot to my knees to my thigh ending in my back; sharp quick sudden pains. When I sit too long, if not sitting properly it gets hard to keep tears from rolling down my cheek.

Sunday was my last straw in a long, pain-bearing week. It was so bad on Sunday I had to leave my stepdaughters’ graduation (before everyone saw me in tears) and before I had a chance to congratulate her.

I might have been okay had I not been told to climb at least ten steps into the uncomfortable bleacher seats that I do believe were made for people under 100 lbs., neither of which were any of the SEVEN people in our row. Being squished did NOT help matters any and so as not to ruin the day for his mom, sis, aunt, uncle and HIM, I chose to bail as the indecisiveness of where to stand when she parted was being decided.

I couldn’t bear one more second!!!

I left in tears before anyone saw that they were tears of pain. I hobbled to the truck, with Adam by my side, where a good cushioned seat was a welcome relief, putting an end to one pain-bearing, back-wrenching week.

Too much walking, too many stairs to climb, too many uncomfortable seating arrangements and too much indecision; today I sit in pain wondering why I’m breathing.

Grateful. I’m grateful for my wedding day and the man I married and the wonderful family he has, now the only real family that *I* have. 

We're Married

Matt. 19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

It took some time getting here but we finally did it, we got married! I went over some of the things we’ve endured over the past thirteen years in an earlier blog post so I won’t go on repeating. I will say that after Steven got his sight back that is when things started to shift for us.

When I chose the date for when the marriage would take place, I had to have the numbers align. I know, I’m crazy, but just any old day was not good enough. This is a wedding, a marriage that will last a lifetime if we’re lucky so the date had to have SOME significance to it.

I chose May 13, 2015 for a reason, here goes: We’ve been together 13 years. My grandmother (and grandfather) who passed away when I was eight lived at 1313 and my Great Grandmother lived at 1315. 5-13-15 seemed significant. 13 years, 13 13, 13 15, the numbers just all looked right, so I picked that day. My grandmother died in March and my grandfather in May, May 22^nd to be exact but a friend of mine already had that as a wedding day. My other grandmother passed away on 3 15, so there you have it, all the numbers lined up for me.

Unbeknownst to me, when I told my niece of the day she said, “That’s cool, that is the day Matt and I got married!” I wasn’t back home when my niece got married so I didn’t remember her specific day of marriage but it made mine all the more significant.

The courthouse held significance because of its historic beauty. When we first arrived in Nebraska that was the courthouse we had to go to get my license changed over and Steven was having his put to sleep for a few years until his sight would be restored. The wood aroma that clung to every nook and cranny of the place was reminiscent of my childhood vacation Bible School. Isn’t it funny how those old smells will revive an old memory?

It is also the courthouse where I would file and be granted my divorce. Minden was now a part of my life. My marriage to Steven in the Minden courthouse would be planted permanently in my history book.

The judge asked if we wanted the marriage to take place in the courtroom, but I wanted it in between floors in front of a picturesque window. We had been there almost an hour and had only seen one person walk the stairs, so yes, in between floors was the perfect spot! My sister-in-law would take the pictures and my son and mother-in-law would be our witnesses.

The ceremony went off without a hitch (no pun intended) and we signed the legal documents and were on our way. Mom-in-law was treating us all to a meal at the place of our choice. I chose Applebees a lovely restaurant neither Steven nor I had been to before. The menus were served as were drinks and we had a most delicious meal, Steven with his steak and taters on the side, I with my chicken and shrimp smothered in garlic sauce with mushrooms and onions on the side. WOW! Then onto dessert; I think I gained ten pounds from that one meal! One meal that was SOOOO worth it!

The desserts were not of the normal cake and pie stature. No, this place had fancy-schmancy desserts. Steven had deep-fried battered pretzels, drizzled with caramel and an icing dip on the side! He had about ten to fifteen bites on the plate and I tried one and it was AWESOME! Me, I had a strawberry shortcake cheesecake with whipped topping! It was a small cup filled with delight. That is why I ordered it after eating such a hearty meal; I never eat dessert but this was too hard to resist.

We ate, laughed, giggled and chatted then we all parted. The in-laws brought Adam home and Steven and I went for a ride. Where to? I chose the cemetery where his father and grandmother are laid to rest. Steven hasn’t been there since we returned to Nebraska and I made a promise to his deceased father that I would see to it that Steven would be there when we got married. It seemed fitting to include his dad in the day in our small way.

Without all the intimate details, we ended the day with a movie. I chose You’ve Got Mail for obvious reasons to those who know our story. And today the 14^th we will venture out and see the movie that has been most anticipated to see on his list, The Avengers:Age of Ultron. I’m not a Marvel fan and The Avengers was a so so movie to me, but this is where the art of compromise comes in, in the marriage. I’ll go see it because he loves it! He’ll go see The Minion movie when it comes out in July. hahahaha

We woke this morning and I said, “Good morning, hubby.”

When he woke he said, “Morning Wife!”

And the story that doesn’t end… goes on and on my friends. 

*names/places changed for protection

We're Getting Married

Rom. 6:14-15  “For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace. What then? shall we sin, because we are not under the law, but under grace? God forbid.”

We’re Getting Married

After thirteen years together we’re finally getting married on Wednesday, May 13th. Many will ask, “A Wednesday?”

Yes, a Wednesday at the Historic Courthouse of Minden, Nebraska. (see pic above taken from google pics)

Why a courthouse? Well let me tell you.

When Steven realized I didn’t want all the glitz and glamor of a wedding (been there done that) I think we both realized it might be time to get married. We’ve had a tough road laid out for us in the beginning, what with meeting online, both committing sin neither of us were too happy about committing. (He being divorced, me being married but separated kept us from nuptials.)

We both talked about marriage, we both wanted it but with obstacles in our way and climbing hurdles the task became too much. I won’t say money hindered us because any time we needed ANYTHING the good Lord provided for us, so it wasn’t necessarily money keeping us from marriage.

Many of my friends and readers know about Steven going blind a few years ago, so there was that. Then we had doctor appointments upon doctor appointments, in Omaha no less and yes funds came out of the woodwork to get us from point A to point B.

Our church made it quite clear a few times (not just once) that they could not marry us as long as we were living in sin! They told us point blank that we needed to separate for a few months, date other people and if we found our way back to one another than this is what God has brought together.

Umm…wait, God didn’t bring us together thirteen years ago? For crying out loud we met through a screen! God had no hand in that? We chatted online for ten months before my husband threw his son and me out of the house and told us he never wanted to see us again. (Trust me on this one, it had more to do with his mental instability than any friend I had online.)

My ex had been struggling for YEARS (I stayed 20 of them) and there was no help or aid on this earth that could see this man through (and to this day still hasn’t). He wanted nothing to do with his son, he only wanted to control and obsess over me and a friend on the net came and saved my life! THAT is how *I* see it.

To this day I still say that it was God who brought Steven to my front door. While on the net, there were many girls and guys who knew my predicament and wanted to help but Steven is the only one who loaded up his truck and made his way from Texas to Baltimore to save me, a damsel in distress.

Where was my family? They knew my ex was obsessed with me and a control freak and my brother-in-law even tried to get his minister to help. It didn’t help, my ex just tried to control and manipulate that situation too. My family was giving up on him and saw no way to help my son and ME so I left and have NEVER looked backed!

I chose the road less traveled! Now to be told by the church and the very people I was trusting with my life that Steven and I had to separate, put me in a whirlwind of confusion. Where would I go? I can’t go back home. I don’t want to SEE other men. I don’t want to separate. Those were the rules. Rules we never agreed to so we settled on a courthouse wedding where the LAW wouldn’t deny us.

Thirty-seven years of always being controlled and owned I was thrown into a new state, Texas, miles and miles away from home for the first time in my life. The first weeks maybe months I was scared, so much so anxiety attacks took over and many nights of tears were being shed for my loneliness and my son who was seven, who didn’t understand one thing going on around him.

Steven and I grew. We fell in love. I was urged to divorce my (ex) husband after all of his false promises to do so fell apart. To this day I don’t even know if he knows we’re divorced. I do know he is living in Florida somewhere with his brother, but he still has no contact with the son he left behind.

The light at the end of the tunnel, Nebraska, became our saving grace. In Texas, Steven was going blind and he wanted to be near his family. His family and the good Lord saw to it that our journey was well blessed. A home, food and a good family surrounding us, we were well on our way. ONLY with God’s blessing did we get this far; and now we’re asked to separate by our Church, whom we’ve grown to love and trust?

I asked God what He wanted and well, marriage was the answer to our dilemma and again HE said He’d bless our journey. I’m not going to get into what God said to me, I DO have some things I keep private. I’m glad Steven and I took the time to get to know each other and grow in love together before we jumped into marriage. Nowadays marriage is not a sacred ceremony, people do it to just get it done and over with but we waited for God and HIS blessing on this union and so here we are.

We could have searched and found a church in Nebraska to marry us but we kind of feel let down by the entire institution. Don’t get me wrong; I understand completely that it is OUR sin that was not accepted and I’m okay with that, but you know what? Jesus died for OUR sin and HE accepts us.

Rom. 8:2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.

Instead of a rinky-dink newly built courthouse, I chose the Historic courthouse of Minden Nebraska, built by the some of the very first settlers in the state of Nebraska.

God has blessed our journey and has brought us to this path in life. May He continue to watch over and fruitfully bless our journey.

Quotation Saturday ~ Love and Marriage

Rev. 19:7 “Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.”

MARRIAGE

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow - this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.”
~ Elizabeth Gilbert

“The essential matrimonial facts: that to be happy you have to find variety in repetition; that to go forward you have to come back to where you begin.”
~ Jeffrey Eugenides

“Maybe you expected marriage to be perfect - I guess that's where you and I are different. See, I thought it would be all about making mistakes, but doing it with someone who's there to remind you what you learned along the way.”
~ Jodi Picoult

LOVE

“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth.”
~ William W. Purkey

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
~ Stephen Chbosky

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
~ Bob Marley

HONOR

“Courage. Kindness. Friendship. Character. These are the qualities that define us as human beings, and propel us, on occasion, to greatness.”
~ R.J. Palacio

“When you find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stand in front of you when other’s cast stones, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who will hold your hand when your sick, who thinks your pretty without makeup, the one who turns to his friends and say, ‘that’s her’, the one that would bear your rejection because losing you means losing his will to live, who kisses you when you screw up, watches the stars and names one for you and will hold and rock that baby for hours so you can sleep…..you marry him all over again.”
~ Shannon L. Alder

“The most tragic thing in the world is a man of genius who is not a man of honor.”
~ George Bernard Shaw

“The greatest way to live with honour in this world is to be what we pretend to be.”
~ Socrates

CHERISH

“Cherish every moment with those you love at every stage of your journey.”
~ Jack Layton

“But for the most part, love is a recognition, an opportunity to say, 'There is something about you I cherish.”
~ Raymond E. Feist

“I remembered every moment between us, and every moment felt more precious as time passed.”
~ Shannon A. Thompson

“Never let the little things, disrupt the biggest things you cherish in life. The smallest mistake, can cause the biggest regret and hurt to your closest companion.”
~ Unarine Ramaru

“I now pronounce you man and wife. These are the words I will be hearing this week as I embark on a new leg of this journey called life. My soul mate and I are going to ride off into the sunset of marriage. Will it be a blissful lifetime? I think it will be more on the lines a challenge. Marriage is a lifetime commitment to bring a new challenge, a new love, a new strength into every single day and grow. ~ I DO!”

~ Joni Zipp

Matt. 22:9 “Go ye therefore into the highways, and as many as ye shall find, bid to the marriage.”

 

 

Tunnel Vision

2 Cor. 4:18 “While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.”

Tunnel Vision

There is a world around me that has tunnel vision. They only see one point of view and that is theirs or people who believe in the same thing while all others are wrong and considered a liberal. Their vision is so shallow, any attempt to steer them right they become boisterous, overbearing and sometimes downright rude.

I try desperately to separate myself from them but as a living loving soul, I see a good spot in all people, in all walks of life and in many different colors. Here lately what has been bothering me has been the bashing of Religions, Races and Lifestyles. I just don’t get it or understand and I wish someone could enlighten me without bashing me and calling me a Libtard, why because I have an open mind as opposed to being close-minded?

Take the Muslim religion. There is such a hate for them because of what they see on TV, read on their screen, or listen to a minister bashing the Muslim faith. Do people try and understand the religion or would they rather jump on the bandwagon of hate? You cannot brand them all the same and if you took one second to stop hating, you might see a human being in there somewhere.

Note: Have you ever walked past a Mosque and had Muslims come running out with machetes ready to behead you? Of course not. You only hate what the Arab country and their men are doing. You don’t even understand the culture OR religion, you just want to hate

Then there is the black community. They are not all the same! They don’t all agree with the hate that is thrown at them. They don’t all want to riot and start fires and protest, they want to be HEARD but it is the people with tunnel vision who only see blacks as a degrading term. Have you ever had one in your home, eating off of your forks? I did and guess what, they are human too!

Note: Have you ever lived in a black community? Did they run the streets rioting and burning down houses? Of course not. You only hate the black community when it fits to your form of hate filled attitude. You have never tried to understand the culture or the person of a different color.

And guess what? I’ve sat at the same table and on the same church pew as a homosexual. Did I move away as if the person had the plague? Did I run home and put on facebook, “How could they allow those people in a church?” What sick and twisted mind thinks like that? I’ll tell you what kind, the people with tunnel vision who only see what they want to see and agrees with only those who are in agreement with their line of thinking.

All other people are just wrong!

Let me ask you this, do you bash the Catholics? They worship false idols. I was born and raised Catholic and around the Church sanctuary there are statues of Mary and Jesus and I have many times seen women at their feet praying to the statue. They place statues of Mary in their yard in hopes it will bring them good will and grace. They have priests who have been molesting small children long before there was EVER an internet with social media coverage. They pray and worship the Saints too. Are these atrocities any worse than the raping of women or the beheading of Christians?

Do you bash the Jews? They don’t even believe Christ is the Son of God. But do you bash them? No, or maybe this is one of those things you hide when you proclaim, “I stand with the Jews.” Do you really know what you’re standing for? Of course not, you don’t WANT to understand their culture.

You pick and choose the scripture that suits you. You also pick and choose which religion is wrong (meaning not the same belief as yours); you pick and choose who you love and hate. When Jesus said, “Love your brother as yourself.” He NEVER said pick and choose which brother you’ll love and hate or surely He would have HATED Judas for betraying Him, right?

You might not want to believe this but you are the Judas’ of Christianity. You are selling out Christ for what YOU believe in. Selling out mankind for all that Jesus taught, for what, a political allegiance, an ‘I’m right, your wrong’ attitude? 

You pick and choose sin like it is today’s bread to eat. “It’s only a small sin. I stole a gumball not a car.”  Isn’t stealing, stealing? Can we choose our sin too? Mankind is lost with his tunnel vision intact, seeing and believing in what he picks and chooses, not what is right and what is wrong.

When Jesus said, “Man cannot live by bread alone.” For some reason, I don’t think He was talking about the loaves of dough we eat; He was referring metaphorically to the Word alone. His Word alone is nothing and meant nothing if you don’t PRACTICE what He PREACHED!

Alleluia Amen! God bless each and every one of you.

Phil. 4:9  “Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.”

Intolerance

James 3:15 “This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish.”

Intolerance?

Funny thing is, the very people who claim that it is a certain ‘race, creed, or religion’ that are the intolerant ones, I see these so called CHRISTIANS intolerant most of all. No, they’re not killing, beheading, and destroying property, but you know what? They’re too busy destroying SOULS!

While on their ‘I’m better than you because I’m a conservative’ kick, they themselves are the ones destroying a nation and blaming others for everything under the sun being wrong in the world. Is this the kind of Christian you want to be seen as? Is this how you want people to see Christ in you? Let me tell you, fine folks, the only way to see Christ in a person is to see that person IN Christ.

In my belief, I have never known Christ to HATE. I see these people, some calling themselves Pastor or Minister’s shame the Christian faith all in the name of a political stance. This turns my stomach and makes it churn like warm butter. And to think people actually believe these men and follow their words.

Some people get offended when others stand on a high horse pretending to spew THEIR so called Christian belief, thinking ALL humans feel the same way. For example:

Christina wrote: “Boy, talk about generalizing these three groups [Gays, Muslims, Blacks]! I can't even share this [post] for fear of being a tunnel vision idiot! If this is your best thinking, stay the heck away from me and my family! YOU ARE THE PROBLEM NOT THE SOLUTION! Please Jesus, keep him away from our young children's minds!”

It is those very kind of people [a pastor, minister, or so called Christians] that are trying to turn me away from Christ as they do satan’s bidding. They bathe in all the hate, and lather themselves in tunnel vision allowing only one belief in and that is of HATE SPEWING. They do nothing and I mean nothing to change except to agree with fellow hate-spewers. SAD! So sad!

Eph. 6:12  “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

I have many friends who are of Christ, know Christ and know what it means to be IN Christ and serve the Lord. I have a few who think they are living with Christ but are no example OF Christ; this is why I call them so-called Christians, they pretend to be a Christian but their acts are nothing like a Christian; truly demeaning to the Christian faith.

You might ask me what is the difference? Well to ME, a Christian is someone that you can actually visually SEE Christ in by their actions, their words and the things they cling to on a daily basis. Spewing hate does not show Christ IN you, it shows the other deity that you’ve invited inside to dwell. It is him who is thriving, allowing you to spit out a bible verse here and there but really, satan shows himself in you by the hate you spew for mankind. You have become the intolerant one and it shows in vivid color, not in a Christ-like manner either.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, I am affiliated with NO political party. You want to know the reason? Neither Party understands the love of Christ. The two political Parties hate, lie, cheat and steal and look like total buffoons (as does all too many of their followers)! I pray for these people more than anything; that is my only course of action and by not conforming to their ways.

People say they believe in the power of prayer but would rather play the game of political tag between love and hate. They’d rather consume their minds with an agenda and all things earthly that they believe in but DO NOTHING about but spit out hate before understanding.

John 3:12 “If I have told you earthly things, and ye believe not, how shall ye believe, if I tell you of heavenly things?”

There is this old saying, “If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say nothing at all.” This is so true. THINK before you hate, love before you pray, understand the meaning of prayer before you utter the words ‘praying’.

Think about the kind of world we’d live in if everyone wasn’t so quick to point fingers and hate first. Think about them praying first. The world would not be erupting in the total chaos it has become so accustomed to lately.

You only hate because within you lies a dormant seed that you have never watered. These are issues within you that you have yet to heal and deal with and lash out at others so it seems that you’ve got it all together. You don’t! You have built your house [soul] on sand and we all know what happens to THAT house, don’t we? It remains eternally unsettled until you realize that it needs to be on solid ground and watered daily, not just weekly.

2 Cor. 5:1 “For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, an house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.”

Man does not tolerate man. Man does not agree with man. They feed off of falsity and lies and now the nation that was built on sand is washing away all because of selfish, ‘I’m right, your wrong’ attitudes.

This is the reason I love Pastor Mike and his sermons so much. He doesn’t stand up there and say, ‘this is wrong, wrong, wrong’ whether it is a persons faith, religion, or political party. If a minister is preaching all the wrongs, how do we discern the rights? We can’t because we’re so focused on the wrongs that we can never have the ability to allow in the right [Light].

Matt. 7:15 Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.

May the Light of the Lord be with you ALL!