Thursday, June 17, 2010

Thought-filled Thursday

Job 14: 13  O that thou wouldest hide me in the grave, that thou wouldest keep me secret, until thy wrath be past, that thou wouldest appoint me a set time, and remember me!
Reflect on your present blessings, of which every man has many; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.
Charles Dickens (1812 - 1870)
Today I’m filled with thoughts. I’m sure you love coming here and reading about my thoughts, don’t you?

Have you ever had the past come back and bite you in the tush? Never? Well dang! My past seems to haunt me wherever I go. Some would say, “Oh just let it go.” Sorry friends to tell you this, but that is easier said than done.

I would love nothing more than to lay MY past to rest, but things creep back to the surface like mushrooms in the wet grass. They appear here and there, one day they’re plentiful but during dry spells you’re hard pressed to find one surfacing. That’s what the past has been doing to me lately. Memories, feelings, shadows dancing, all in my face.

In a novel, the past of a character is called back story. And if we laid the character’s past to rest, you’d barely have a story. Or you might have one that doesn’t make much sense to your reader.

What has brought on this rush of memory lane for me? A bunch of stuff, but most notably, this week is Father’s Day. I’m here in Nebraska far away from my dad and it would be so nice just to put my arms around him, hug him and let him know he’s loved.

My father wasn’t a perfect man by any means. He was no Ward Cleaver for sure. He worked, drank, and lived, rarely batting an eye at any of the six kids he fathered, so why do I love and miss him so much? Because I let the PAST GO! I’ve forgiven all the wrongs that my parents did, and embrace the them that is now.

My colorful past might be one for the books and novels of the non-fiction genre, but so is my tale of healing, forgiving, moving on and facing each new day. I embraced Christianity when I was 14, and even though my parents don’t understand what that means as they call themselves Catholic, by name and prayer only, I move forward in life, not backwards, if I can help it.

A Christian is not someone who attends church and thus says, “I’m a Christian, I go to church!” That is just wrong. For many years I called myself a Christian and hadn’t stepped into a church, only for the lack of Christianity teachings going on in churches.

A Christian, walks the walk as much as talks the talk. I don’t profess to be Christ-like (in my actions, words,  and thoughts) I try my best to ACT like a person of Christ.

I’m not perfect, I don’t forgive in the snap of a finger. I don’t overlook things and pretend nothing ever happened, I don’t lie, keep secrets, hide things, in hopes the discovery is only between me and my conscious. I embrace the past, wash my pain with words, color my world with love. I am working on me, the me that I am. My past is a part of me, it’s a part of your characters. Never let it disappear because there is a beneficial amount of healing to come from the popping up of memories.

Did you ever hold onto the negative and overlook the positive? Yeah, we all are guilty. Now lets move ahead in trust, faith and prayer, and keep God growing in our future so we have strength to deal with the past.

“I’ll move from the past to carry me into the future and hope one day my future has you in it.” ~ joni


Raven said...

Great post, Joni.

Learning how to forgive is one of the hardest lessons life has to offer. Sometimes, things just can't be fixed. By taking action and being the one to forgive, you are able to move on and and find happiness for yourself.

I've come to accept that I have no control over the actions of another being. I only have control over how I react.


joni said...

Hey! Long time no see!!!

Wouldn't it have been easier if God was a writer himself and handed out handbooks on life???

I guess that's why he gave us the Holy Bible. ;)

Thanks for visiting!!! Sure miss seeing ya around these parts. :)

June said...

Yes, Joni, your thoughts are a joy to read!

Love the line: Memories, feelings, shadows dancing, all in my face.

Raven has a point about learning to forgive -- and many find it the most difficult to forgive oneself.


joni said...

I can forgive everyone, anyone almost ANY thing, but tis hardest to forgive myself. :)

Working on it ladies, working on it. :)