Doubt

1 Tim. 2:8 “I will therefore that men pray every where, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting.”

Doubt

Sometimes I hear doubt and fear in the voices of people’s words. Words like “I hope you know what you’re doing.” or 
“I hope you can beat this.” or 
“I can’t wait to see you pull off this miracle.” 
Doubt is not part of my vocabulary and hasn’t been from day two of my diagnosis. Granted on day one it shattered me, crumbled me like a dry leaf but by day two I had my boxing gloves on and came out fighting!

People that have doubts in the ability to treat and heal something like cancer, Alzheimer’s, chronic illnesses such as psoriasis, eczema, or asthma the list is long, those people are programmed to believe what they were taught when they were young. They are not open to old herbal remedies or new technology, or new studies in cures and don’t do enough current research as to where a person is coming from when they do things holistically.

A doctor doesn’t always know what’s the right thing to heal you. They were trained or should I say programmed with one thing that they were taught. It’s like using a Windows7 in a Windows10 environment, things change! Things are different and if you are not willing to grow with the change, you will be left behind, scratching your head and allow doubt to control your world. In this place, you will allow chronic illness to fester until the root explodes in your face and you have to be taken to the hospital and be placed in the doctors' hands to find out what is wrong.

The doctor will then do a host of tests from MRI’s to bloodwork, he’ll get results and give you drugs. If you pry and ask what is the problem and the root cause of your condition, he will spew out everything in medical terms you barely understand. With that, you believe what he/she is selling, in other words, you have accepted what he’s downloaded into your system. 

When you download a virus into your computer, you do everything possible to remedy the situation to get your system back in tip-top shape. If we took care of our bodies the way we do our computers, with delicate hands on weeding out the root of the problem, we could eliminate, CURE the disease taking over our human bodies. 

I wonder if people think God botched the job of building our internal mechanisms from our DNA to our very complex immune system that keep us going throughout our lifetime. I don’t believe He did. I believe he placed in us the very intricate details we need to CURE our systems after WE have downloaded the virus/illness, disease into our system.

I straight out ask my oncologist (two of them) to work WITH me in helping to heal and CURE me without chemo and drugs. They said (lies) they never heard of such a thing. They live in a Windows7 world! I came away from each visit empowered to find the truth in treatment. I found hundreds if not thousands of people who have HEALED and been CURED of this dastardly disease but an all intelligent doctor, the very person we allow to lord over our illness has never heard of such a thing? From his programming, he certainly knows which pharmaceutical drug to prescribe, doesn’t he?

Over and over in the Holy Bible, I read repeatedly of the herbs and spices that were used thousands of years ago to HEAL and CURE what ailed the sick. Since doctors only offer the science of synthetic drugs, they are not equipped to understand the complexities of the Bible and look to see what God placed here for us to cure and heal ourselves. They don’t take the time to learn the science of the human body being designed to heal itself. There’s no money in that now is there?

In my unscientific approach (since I’m not a scientist) I’ve found that the root cause of ALL illnesses are stress. Your body handles the stress, turns it into a virus/illness. A toxin to me is considered to be the stress you put into your body, knowingly or unknowingly. Toxins can be found in the air you breathe and the food you eat. Your internal organs react to that stress and our very intricate immune systems respond, not unlike the computer you so dearly love. 

If your computer gets a virus, what do you do? Do you buy a new computer? Well, we can’t buy a new body if our body gets a virus. Do we take them to the Geek Squad and have them doctor the machine up? Someone, like myself, would love to have a Geek doctor come in and cure my body, but does he know my body? The Geek Squad doesn’t know your computer habits, what you search for, or what you’ve downloaded to cause the virus but he sure can dig into your system to find out, right?  

In all its uniqueness I will have to say no one knows my body, internally or externally. A doctor doesn’t either and while he thinks he knows because of the diagnostic tests he runs, he doesn’t know the individual body, mind, and soul. He knows the motherboard and that’s it! Doctors and Geeks alike will pacify the problem instead of digging in, finding the root cause, and healing the system from inside.

I am not techno-savvy so I could never heal my computer. I can get a CCleaner and clean it up. I can dig into my system and see what I’ve done wrong, what I clicked that I shouldn’t have, I can remedy the malfunctioning system so it runs smoothly. As with my body, I can dig into the root cause of this disease. I can clean up my system so it runs properly. I should have taken care of it in the first place and never succumbed to this disease, but it is what it is, it’s here and I and God, the Mighty Healer of all, the Doctor who created the system will heal what ails me from the inside.

When people place doubt in their vocabulary, they have loosened their actual faith. I will never lose my faith in God because He is the One who created this body and all its intricacies running throughout my system on a cellular lever, He is the One and Only who holds the healing. Maybe at one time doctors cared about healing the people who were sick, but this day and age, the almighty dollar speaks a more healing tune to them, that’s a fact!

The simple basics of healing:
Relieve stress by eliminating as many toxins (including people and drugs) as you possibly can 
Make the air you breathe work for you not against you
Allow the warmth of the sun to nurture you 
Choose the right non-toxic food (organic fruits and vegetables, clean grass fed meat) 
Drink purified clean water 
Get eight hours of sleep 
Unplug yourself from negativity that you tap into daily
Add JOY to your life, find purpose in your life, and overflow with LOVE.

Gen. 1:29 “And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.”

A Break... I'm Not Clay

Pss. 38:10 “My heart panteth, my strength faileth me: as for the light of mine eyes, it also is gone from me.”

A Break… I’m Not Clay

It is with great distress that I need to announce a break. Whether physically or mentally I know myself too well to stick around to watch the hellfires consume the people I love. I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart who has inspired me to continue writing. This year has been an active place of healing for me, and I thank you with love.

You’ve told me over and over again how I lift your spirits, how you love my honest writing, how it is I that inspires YOU when it is some of you that inspires ME! I look for that inspiration every day in my life but don’t always find it where I look. Am I looking in the wrong places? Apparently yes. 

Facebook is becoming a desert, a desolate place where vultures linger and seek to suck every bit of life out of one living cactus. I’m a very sensitive person to the point the tiniest pinprick causes me to burst in a way I’m not accustomed to. Sorry, I don’t play your little games of ‘popularity’. Games, that’s all it is behind your mask. Well, I’m not clay, you’re not going to shape me into a hater, racist pig. I see people thinking they’re helping by spreading hate but they are a part of the demolition crew that is destroying this world.

Whether it is in YouTube comments or Yahoo comments or on Facebook, the vultures feed off of the sensitivity and I cringe when I hear/read the battle cry of joy when they’ve doused the light of the one shining brightness in a darkened world. They enjoy seeing people in pain. It is some kind of sickness that they embrace and I totally need to step away, to breathe.

A reality hit me last week when I had the pleasure of listening to this tiny little twelve-year-old, Grace VanderWaal, sing her heart out. 

One of her songs went like this:
I don’t know my name
I don’t play by the rules of the game
So you say I’m just trying
Just trying… to find my way.

Another of her songs Clay was one of my favorites. It touched me in a place that not many long time experienced writers touch me and here was this little girl, thinking she couldn’t sing, taking the world by storm and marking her spot in history. The elite vultures are going to devour her and place the obstacles of fame and popularity on her doorstep and while she has loving parents to protect her, they can only do so much.

“Your silly words
I won't live inside your world 
Cause your punches and your names
All your jokes and stupid games
They don't hurt
No they don't hurt
Watch them just go right through me
Because they mean nothing to me

I'm not clay” 
~ 12-year-old singer/songwriter Grace VanderWaal lyrics 

Like me wanting to protect people from their harsh reality of prejudice, racism, bigotry and hypocritville, people fall victim day in and day out and there is no protector. Sure they claim they have God as a protector, but too many times I see them as food for the vultures more than I see the Living God in them. They are being devoured and I have a weak stomach for mangled flesh.

Yesterday my stomach churned as if I was on the Zipper at the fair. I watched a good movie but it wasn’t enough to help relieve the motion sickness I felt in my stomach for mankind. Satan is trying to attack me from every angle whether it is my son (who will be out of his new job in two months due to the store closing down) or my love of nature; my ceramic birdbath fell yesterday cracking like a clay vase falling from the thirteenth floor with irreparable damage. Then there is the loss of respect for friends I once admired and looked up to as they slither in the snake pit, now I only see a darkness shrouding their beings. It’s all too much for me to bear and TRY to be a positive light in these dark and solemn times. I need to re-energize.

Maybe a break will help. Maybe I’ll unplug the computer completely and just vanish in an air of shrouded mystery. Maybe a day or two will be enough or maybe I need more time, only time will tell, eh? I need to breathe and only my commitments will stay while I take a step back from virtual reality. It’s not and never was a nice fit for me. TO ME, the virtual world is a huge department store on Black Friday filled to capacity with nude mannequins. I see a human off in the distance but I’ll never reach them because the mannequins will topple on top of me and smother me to death.

When I feel the anger and negativity start to boil over like water left on the stove, and I begin to lash out with hatred in my veins I know it’s time for me to get away from that which sickens me. I won’t be molded and formed into the hate-filled people that seem to run the virtual society. People are vicious and they hold no shame. Me, I’m ashamed of this place. I need to breathe because I’m NOT CLAY!

Author's note: *
*sorry Mike, I tried to see the good in a damned world. 
* I'll continue writing, bookmark my blog 

Deuteronomy 31:6 KJV 

Be strong and of a good courage, 

fear not, nor be afraid of them: 

for the LORD thy God, 

he it is that doth go with thee; 

he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

Seeing The Light

Gen. 1:4 “And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.”

Not all light is man-made.

Last night, as the fan churned behind me, we were gearing up for movie time; an enjoyable daily event for us. As we get everything ready, hook up the HDMI cable and watch Netflix on the television and Adam hunkered down in his room on his computer ready to game the night away; we were ready for our quiet evening. Quiet evening amid sounds mind you.

Perched on the sofa like birds on a wire, we were ready for the movie. We sat for about 15 minutes of the movie before we heard a sizzle sound, followed by a BOOM, the house trembled and the lights and sounds of the day came to an abrupt halt. Clocks stopped telling us time, computers stopped humming and the refrigerator sat silent as a tomb.

Running (as fast as my wobbly legs allowed) to the front door then to the back door, hobbling down the steps to, thankfully, seeing no fire. One neighbor was already in his jeep (he lives two houses over) and came to our house asking us what we saw and heard. When I said a sizzle and a boom he right away said the substation and went on to call the electric company.

From Google: A substation is a part of an electrical generation, transmission, and distribution system. Substations transform voltage from high to low, or the reverse, or perform any of several other important functions.

Our neighbor came back to tell us he had called the electric company and also told our other neighbor, who came to hear the news, that no electricity had enveloped our little county. It would be hours or days depending on the problem before electricity was restored. The pump to the well runs on electricity so that also means no water.

Before the daylight blinked away we hustled in the shadows of the house to gather the bottled water and candles. We had not used the kerosene lamps since we’ve been here in Nebraska, but the kerosene was easily found in the darkened corner of the shed.

We hurriedly gathered candles, filled the beautiful hurricane kerosene lamp, pulled out the flashlights and hunkered down by candlelight wondering what to do as darkness fell over the house and silence filled the air. The electric guys appeared on the scene and got to work almost immediately. There was hope that this darkness would be short lived.

My husband and son, computer nerds, needed their gadgets while I was babbling on and on saying this must be what Laura Ingalls lived like. As I prayed and joked in the stillness of the house my son asked, “So what did they do?”

“They prayed! Pa played the fiddle and they found things to do like read.”

I went on to say, “I am an optimist and there is something positive in all this.”

Adam said jokingly, “What’s your positive spin on this, Sherlock?”

“Well this is God’s way of showing us to appreciate what we have in the heart of the darkness. We will be indebted to the light and gadgets in a new way. We’ll see light in the darkness.”

I know his eyes rolled and Steven sat on the sofa contemplating what Sage Joni had spoken. In the quiet you hear well. As Adam struggled to find the toilet in the dark (that he couldn’t flush by the way) Steven sat on the sofa embracing the dark that once belonged to him. After being blind for two and a half years, he had the upper hand in this blackened house. I sat at the kitchen table and Adam joined me.

Out of the silence came a choir of angels that God sent, okay that was over dramatizing. Out of the candlelit night the sound of the saxophone began piping out Amazing Grace. (It’s not a fiddle but I felt like Pa Ingalls was here.)

After 25 minutes and no musical accompaniment from the buzzing computer, the house fell silent again, the sax stopped. The electricity went out about 6:45 and the darkness swept over the house by 7:30 and here it was almost 8:30 p.m and we were still sane.

“CARDS!” I bellowed out in the peaceful night.

Adam rose to the occasion, went to the basement with his penlight and made it back with a very new deck of cards. We gathered at the table lit by a kerosene lamp and some candles and we played cards.

By ten thirty the refrigerator had moaned back into existence. Nothing else lit up because we hadn’t had any lights on when the power went out. We played on. My neighbor drove by the house and saw us through the window playing cards by candlelight. She stopped her car, came up the path and knocked on the door; happily she exclaimed, “The electric is on.”

Adam said, “Yeah we know.”  She sounded kind of surprised as she said, “And you’re still playing cards by candlelight? COOL!” Adam chuckled, we chuckled and we continued to play, by candlelight, until 11 p.m. at which time I won my version of 500 Rummy!

Something happened in the total vacuum of darkness. We saw the light. It had been there all the time waiting for us to tap into it and as we sat listening to music on a battery operated radio and playing cards by candlelight, we were embracing being together and sharing our time as a family.

I said afterward to Adam, “That was fun. I really enjoyed myself.”

He smiled and said, “Yeah, me too.”

With the light of a new day, I thanked the Lord for showing me the way. 

~ Amen!

Through the darkness, we saw the light.

Acts 26:13 At midday, O king, I saw in the way a light from heaven, above the brightness of the sun, shining round about me and them which journeyed with me.

Technology - This Day and Age

Dan 12:4 But thou, O Daniel, shut up the words, and seal the book, even to the time of the end: many shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall be increased.

This Day and Age

This day and age we are bombarded with the virtual world. Kids are being raised to think it is cool to post ‘selfies’ of themselves nude; after a murder they take shots of themselves with their ‘kill’; college kids post pics of sorority pledge rapes and the unthinkable list continues.

Are we such a naïve nation to think that these pictures are our property and no one will see, get in trouble or even steal these works? Just recently a friend of mine had her facebook account hacked and they stole all her beautiful flower pictures and did who-knows-what with them.

In this day and age I keep my information as private as possible and even as such I’m still vulnerable to attacks via internet, cell phone and snail mail. Nothing is private any more and the sooner we realize this the sooner we can learn to raise our children with this knowledge that privacy is in place for a reason. Modesty is necessary in this cold-run viral metropolis.

I became very modest after my father told me one time that exposing myself (cleavage, butt-bearing tight shorts) was a window for the wrong kind of man to lust after me. He was right. All the catcalls and whistles were not because I was a pretty girl; the men were more likely thinking what they’d like to do with this little lady, and it wasn’t good.

So I became extremely modest to the point of being too tightly wound and being called a prude. Ha! I’m a pretty prude, but a prude nonetheless. I’m okay with that. Now when I’m gawked at, whistled at or complimented, it is a more respectable man admiring my beauty not my body. Lesson learned.

I sure wish the kids today could understand this. I know where they’re coming from; ‘I can do what I want’ attitude and today’s kid is basically raising themselves doing just that, what they want. This is why we’re in such a virtual-living world. Kids today have lost human physical contact and they are drawn to the illicit, inappropriate, seemingly private world of the internet.

Take a game system away, an Ipod or Ipad, or computer privileges; you’ll see a child thrust into the throes of withdrawal just as when an addict has his drugs taken away, they become lethal. We are raising addicted children and not seeing it as such because the child seems happy. So we ignore the addiction and instead feed it by giving them hours upon hours of non-communication with the physical world. We are in the depths of running to and fro as technology has increased.

Just today a kid was shot by police officers in Baltimore, Md. It was found out that back home in Kentucky he had killed his mother, father and sister. The article stated: “the teenager was angry at his parents for taking away his computer privileges days before the slayings.”

One day we’ll realize our mistake and try to intervene and actually help these lost in the system addicts. Intervening with an addict is not an easy task because children addicts need to see that they even HAVE a problem, which they don’t, so parents are left on their own in fighting the child, oftentimes growing into addicted adults.

We have intervention programs for the alcoholic and drug abusers. We have help for the over eater, the anorexic and bulimic but we have nothing for the Dependent on the Virtual world programs. Someone who can’t go an hour without texting or checking their facebook page or posting a tweet or just the need to interact virtually are at the mercy of their obsession that has over taken their life. While technology can be a good thing, it has been abused, and will continue to be abused, until we all wake up and see the problem facing us.

The virtual world is consuming humans in the record numbers and as we adults stay fixated on it, our children are learning that it is an okay way of life. My neighbor texted me the other day and I had to call and tell her that text cost money, money that I don’t have on a plan that doesn’t have free texting. Everyone assumes that everyone else is in the text freak world. Everyone else assumes everyone is an addict too.

While my son was in school, all of his friends had phones but my son didn’t. Besides being poor he just doesn’t need another thing to fixate on. I try to teach him the value of the net and it isn’t on facebook or twitter or texting. My prayers are that when he goes out into the world, he sees the difference in reality and falseness the internet can lead to.

In this day and age, we are living in the Prophecy foretold in the Bible but people are so busy running to and fro, that they don’t see or don’t even care, they are sleeping. As you can imagine, my mornings, afternoons and nights are all consumed with prayer. Prayer for the people who seem lost in the chaos.

God be with you all!

Isa. 5:21 Woe unto them that are wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own sight!

Computer Woes

Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it. ~Jacques Prévert
***

As one blessing comes in, one must go. It seems the computer is doing it’s crazy little game playing that I’ve come to expect upon start up every morning. I wake at 5:30 in the quiet peaceful stillness of the morning, the ultimate time to get some writing done, but by 7 a.m. I am still sitting here trying to get this thing to work.

After it finally decides, “I’m warmed up”, it works for everyone else and the muse has slid into the back of my mind, I’ve forgotten what I wanted to write, and so yet another wasted morning of writing has slipped through my fingers.

I remember about nine years ago, when the computer first came into my life. I hadn’t owned one or ever dreamed of having one. I had never used a microwave, my clothes were hung on a clothesline and life was simplified, and I never sought out more. The writing I did was with a pen and paper, and the only markets I sought were poetry contests in the local paper.

At that time, I had not seen the inside of a library for decades, my son was the center of my world and life went on. Although I craved for more, I had no idea that there was a world out here wanting me to embrace the colors and all the beauty. I assumed life was what you make it, and my life was made to be a domestic goddess, a household engineer if you will, or simplified, a housewife.

My husband at the time didn’t ‘let’ me work outside the home and with every job I did obtain (working for family who had business’) my husband became more and more paranoid, untrusting, and downright obsessive. I wanted to run to the hills but I had no license to drive, so where were my two feet going to take me? Not far I can tell you that.

To make a long story short (yes, I’m writing my memoirs) my life changed the day my brother-in-law gave me a computer, FREE! It was then that my writing took off. I searched google like it was an infinite library of sources, I wrote and wrote and spent way too many hours on this thing! So much so, the obsessive hubby tossed me and my son out!

I didn’t turn to my controlling family, I turned AWAY from Baltimore and headed to Texas! Guess what, there was a world out here waiting for me to embrace the beauty and all the magnificent colors of God’s palette. And embrace and move on I did.

Eight years later I sit enthralled in the writing world. I’m allowed to do my work, write, and no one is obsessive about my use of the computer. The ex has not seen his son for eight years, nor paid one red cent child support, which goes to show, I did the right thing in getting out and saving my son. But God also showed me, I was saving my soul.

Now if only I could get this thing to work! *BANG* *knock* *KICK* *pull* *TUG*
Just trying to ‘reboot’!

***

Freedom has its life in the hearts, the actions, the spirit of men and so it must be daily earned and refreshed - else like a flower cut from its life-giving roots, it will wither and die. 

~Dwight D. Eisenhower

Prioritize

May the sun fall upon you, may the rain drizzle your skin, whatever the weather where you are, let the joy of a new day begin! ~joni
***

It is certainly hard to sit down and write, when outside the window Spring is happening all over the place. I mean, little sprouts of green are popping up everywhere, Robins are doing some kind of waltz on the front lawn, trees are slowly being filled in with buds, evident on each and every stem. Yes, Spring is happening right outside my window!

I always sit in awe of the glory that comes alive with Spring. While winter rests in dormancy, fall has its departure of leaves and summer has its scorching heat and humidity, Spring has livelihood like no other season.

I often do my Spring cleaning to prepare not only the house but my spirit for cleanliness. It’s as if, if I have a clean house, then my soul will come alive and do a jitterbug and bring into me a buoyant springtime propulsion of zest and zeal!

But Spring is also the time I prioritize. The time I take into consideration those things that are front and center, things that are important to me and have an affect on my life. The computer is not in the forefront of my life, social forums do not hold me captive, games are there but only a shadow to the real meaning in my life.

Writing! That is standing right there in my face looking at me, begging me, pleading with me to drink from the letter pool. Sure I use the computer for writing, but it doesn’t own me. I have a notebook that I can scribble in so this technology is not going to wrap its slithering arms around me and yank me into its vortex.

While the social scene is a fun place to meet with your virtual friends, it is not the end all to all of your existence. Hey people, there is a world right outside your window, balloons written with the words 'REJOICE IN SPRING' on them are passing you by as you bind yourself to a false sense of happiness.

As priorities take the stage and the curtain rises to accolades of applause, you will see that life is not going to pass you by as you sit and enjoy your priorities dance along the stage. They are within reach as you have front row seats. They are physical needs that you need to pay attention to and allow to become more important than a virtual form of bliss and decision makers.

Don’t let life pass you by as you mechanically go through the day-to-day humdrum; same thing every day. New fun, new pages, new friends and new power. Find the power within you to embrace reality, prioritize the real world, make a new beginning of each day and maybe just maybe, Spring, will ask YOU to dance!

Pen and Paper

I was going to write my blog for today but you know, when you have a man and a son all vying for the computer at the same time, the writer in the house has a sudden inspiration, you kind of get sidetracked, give up the computer and move into a room with a pencil and paper.

We don’t push and shove one another off the computer; we try and show mere respect for one another. But by the time I’m ‘respected’ I’ve lost the inspiration that I initially had.

In this day and age with the computers at the hubbub of the writing world, it seems that the pen and paper has lost its luster. Snail mail is a term for your submissions to be sent via mail! Can you imagine, even the post office is considered obsolete these days. You do need to send mail don’t you?

I think of the men/women who penned lengthy novels all on paper. The determination and perseverance they must have had. No internal editor; no worrying if they spelled right; they just wrote! They never had a spell checker, they had editor’s. The days of pen and paper are gone, drifting off in some billowy cloud of smoke where I can’t seem to find it through the mire.

With my pen and paper, I can find a quiet spot, either inside or out, and write my to my hearts content. Sure my hand gets blisters, they also feel arthritic, but I persevere and move on like the writers of the past. I never did like losing sight of all that history has given to us. Now I need to regroup, take it all in and soar with my pen and paper.

Uh oh...I feel that inspiration churning. I better get outside under my shade tree and relish the morning sounds. With pen and paper in hand, I’m bound to get some writing done. No one will want to vie for THAT time. No one likes it under the tree but me and my critter friends scurrying about.

Remember, the pen and paper can be your best friends when you have a computer crash, a loss of Internet service, no connection to the outside world. You carry your notebook with you and when someone asks, “Hey, where you going?” You tell them, “I’m going to sit under the shade tree.” They’ll say, “Oh.” and think b-o-r-i-n-g!

But to you, it will be your meditative place to do what you love best and that my friends, is to WRITE!