Year's End

2 Cor. 4:16 “For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.”

The Year's End

I look at the calendar and see December 27, my son’s 22 birthday, and I have to wonder where all of the other the months this year went. I feel like I feathered through the pages of the calendar and landed here in December with no fill in for the in between. You know, you’re given a life-altering diagnosis and something in your life is supposed to change right? You make or complete a bucket list, family surrounds you and supports you, you strive to live every last second of the years of your life you have left.

That didn’t happen to me. I altered my daily eating habits, I changed my physical activities to include walks and stationary bike rides and I do more cleaning, more writing, but that’s about it. The outside world exists only when I force myself to go out and place myself in this seemingly mechanical robotic world we live in.

One day I’m sitting in the doctor’s office being poked and prodded, the calendar saying January 25th, then I’m sitting under an eclipsed sun and it says August 21st, then I blink and now it is the 27th of December.

I’m sure all of you have had a significant year where you took scenic trips, relished family memories, ate delicious toxic food and wonder where all the weight came from that you’ve added. Me, I’m wondering where in the world I hid forty pounds that I lost. My mother in law just said to me on Christmas, that she didn’t know I had forty pounds to lose because I always looked great. I guess looking great and actually BEING great are two different things. Shrinking from a size seven to a size three is forty pounds. Now I have no clothes that fit, again.

While I may have lost weight I feel like I’ve aged ten years. It’s kind of weird and nothing I do can change that portion of my year. I did have a nice Christmas and that meant a lot to me. The enormous amount of food did overwhelm me but I stayed focused on my macaroni salad. Macaroni salad, you ask? Well yes. Back home our Christmas’ always had my great-grandmother’s secret family recipe for macaroni salad and potato salad, and my mother always had pork, sauerkraut, and kielbasa simmering in the slow cooker. 

When my German great-grandparents (my dad’s grandparents) came here to America not too long ago, they brought with them recipes to hand down to the family. My mother actually made the recipes the best and my aunt’s always envied how she made it just like their grandmother! They tried to duplicate the recipe to no avail. I was always by my mothers’ side when she made the salads so I basically knew what she did that made it so special. She says my niece has acquired the ability to reproduce her salad but sometimes misses an ingredient but the similar taste is still there. 

I don’t make her potato salad because I don’t really like potatoes but the macaroni salad I made last year for my son and hubby was back-home delicious so much so, it took me back home for a moment when savoring every bite. When I thought about facing Christmas day surrounded by food and family I mentioned that if I could make my mother’s macaroni salad, I would have that one cheat to eat, relishing the taste and my surroundings would melt into the background. My husband, loving the salad, had no problem with my request!

I have never shared my salad with this family and his brother makes some good tasty food himself. I felt the two pounds of macaroni was too much so I saved me a small bowl for home and took the rest thinking it would go untouched because of all of the food my bro-in-law made. Amid the turkey, ham, dressing, cranberry sauce, string bean casserole and a host of other stuff sat my macaroni salad. 

Holding my plate in my hand I loaded up on macaroni salad and two deviled eggs that my hubby made. No one knew that they were organic eggs. I went and sat at the table surrounded by family and ate, after prayers of course. This family actually prays before meals, something I never knew in my life before coming to Nebraska. 

After the forks began scraping the plates I could hear the low murmur of ‘mmmm’s’ circling the table. I thought they were agreeing with how good my bro-in-law’s food was but then it came out, “This macaroni salad is delicious!” 

I think I blushed, “My macaroni salad?” 

Out of ten people there, only one didn’t like the salad and that was because he had eaten a pepperoncini thinking it was a banana pepper and his dinner was ruined by the taste, otherwise, the macaroni salad was a big hit. I had an almost empty bowl to take home with us by the time we left. There was a request to bring it to the Easter dinner and his brother said I could bring that dish again next year! 

If I give them nothing else to remember me by, my old family recipe will linger in their minds and taste buds for years to come. I’m sure my laughter and personality will be sweet reminders also, but I can say what made my year was sharing a meal from back home, bringing my dysfunctional family close to me while sharing with my new family. 

The only person that I talked to from back home on Christmas day was my mother, everyone else has forgotten about me so this year is the year of release for me. I need to release that family and move forward. The delete button cannot be more prevalent and necessary at this juncture in my life. I’ll continue on in my hermetic lifestyle isolating myself and living for me, hubby and my son, and…my macaroni salad once or twice a year! What a nice way to end the year!

They'll Never Know

Gen. 18:21 “I will go down now, and see whether they have done altogether according to the cry of it, which is come unto me; and if not, I will know.”

They’ll Never Know

They’ll never know the loneliness I felt, the emptiness that resided in me. They did nothing and could have done everything. They left me, isolated and alone, out in the pastures of life.

They’ll never know the hours I spent staring out the window, chasing birds with my mind wanting to fly away from the very sedentary life I live. I wanted to live but no one, nothing gave me options, they left me alone.

I am the plague that they fear catching. The disease that they’d rather keep away from their life; the very fear that festers inside of them that they’ll one day have to face alone. It’s no fun this solitude that haunts my mind. It saddens me to think I will die and they’ll never know of my life, my real life.

They’ll see the pictures I painted for them, the fragments as breadcrumbs dropped on the ground for them to follow. They’ll never find the real source of my pain because it is dwelling in them, they’ll never know. They’ll never know that the picture is false; the painter is never the painting it is just an expression of what they see. I am the artist creating an illusion of a world you’ll believe. I am the game endlessly played never to be won. I am your addiction, the one thing you need to be real.

Deep down I am the smear, the painting went wrong, the mistakes you’ll never see. I am the routine never to be broken. I am the vase sitting on the shelf with no flowers. I am the desert, dry and never to be rained upon. The hour never to be changed, the life day in and day out staring into a windowed world sharing a love for people I’ll never meet, a spiritual family that deeply cared from afar.

They’ll never know the turmoil I faced. They’ll think I was strong because I never allowed the shards of glass to cut them open. I only allowed the brokenness to shut me down to leave me vulnerable to what it is that surrounds me in my physical world. Alone, I am alone and pained by my surroundings. 

They’ll live thinking they did everything and knowing they did absolutely nothing. They’ll never know I was used, abused and diffused; a live wire with no connection to sustain the energy that thrives within me. I loved too hard, I shined too bright, and I was everything they were not nor ever could be.

There can be no healing as long as I’m demeaned, pushed down into the box and smothered. I spring forward like a jack-in-the-box daily with my polka-dot suit and painted smile I show everyone what they want to see. I make them smile waxing nostalgic over the times of their youth when they cranked the music and watched as the toy came bouncing into life. They never saw the real me, they’ll never know.

The blood, they claimed to love but they’ll never know that it was only I who loved and they shed me like dry skin to be swept away from the scene. I became the disease that they dreaded to see; they dared not look at. They went on in their fantasy playing charades and showing the world their imagined perfect life. They lived while I died, but they’ll never know.

To sum it all up, I was flourishing in the warmth of the sun, growing and turning towards the sunlight as the orb drifted overhead and I carried the rays like a candle into the night to show me the way. Then one day in all my splendor I was mowed over, severed and left in mere rubble, kicked about and wiped off the bottom of the shoe, I was done. To them I am nothing, to me I am all, to Him I am worthy. I am everything. In their obscured selfish bliss, they’ll never know.

Who are they? They are the ones who sat in their passive state and said they cared. They are the ones who did nothing as my body slowly withered and decayed. They are the ones who afterward wondered what they didn’t do carrying guilt like a different handbag of the week. They are the ones who went on, to live, to breathe. They know who they are but then again, they’ll never really know.

Ezek. 39:8 “Behold, it is come, and it is done, saith the Lord GOD; this is the day whereof I have spoken.”

Maybe One Day...

Rev. 7: 17 "For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes."

Maybe one day…

Maybe one day

after I’m gone

they’ll remember I lived,

I breathed

I came 

And I went.

Maybe one day

I’ll be more

than a passing thought

a gleam 

in their eye

that’s no more

Maybe one day

they’ll think

of me

as if to see

that I’ll never be

No more.

Maybe one day

will come

when they realize

they missed

the chance

I’m no more.

An Emotional Healing

Jer. 30:13 “There is none to plead thy cause, that thou mayest be bound up: thou hast no healing medicines.”

Emotional Healing

I am so grateful that I’m a writer. I sit and wonder now if this wasn’t Gods plan all along; writing being my emotional healing tool during this phase of my life. I don’t even think I can put into words the elation I feel writing to you all and expressing my inner emotions. Some people have a hard time verbally communicating let alone penning their thoughts.

I find writing to be a part of my emotional healing. Healing that isn’t going to take place unless I heal emotionally as well. I can physically see and feel different aspects of my healing taking place. I believe I’ve penned everything there is to emotionally heal from unless there is some dark sinister revelation inside me churning that will spring up in time and devastate all the progress I’m making. 

I don’t see anything unknown popping up because, throughout my life, I’ve always been an open book where anyone who meets me whether online or face to face sees the real me, not a mask-wearing woman with hidden closets waiting to be cleaned out. 

Since I found out that stress and anxiety are partly to blame for this diagnosis, I had to dig really deep because I wasn’t even aware of the anxiety eating at me on a very cellular level. Dig and dig again finding the minutest of reasons for any anxiety I might be harboring. 

I have prayed and meditated for years but what I do now is an added meditation where I clean out my entire system from the inside out. You know how when Spring comes you’re inclined to clean out the closets and throw away old clothes and junk that has accumulated over the years? Well, our bodies need this same cleaning out and on a daily basis if we are ever to be healthy, non-toxic, non-drug induced creations. 

Anxiety stems from fear and God is not of fear. There is an enemy just waiting to pounce on the smallest inclination of any fear that hides in you. You might be of the chest pumping variety that says, I’m not afraid of anything, but let me ask, would you toss out those hundreds of dollars worth of meds? Why? Because you fear what might happen if you do? Fear is fear and yes that is a fear! Oh I can hear some saying that tossing meds is just plain stupid, but I’m saying, you wouldn’t even NEED those meds if you cleaned the TOXINS from your life.

Stress and worry are debilitating. Something as small as, will I be able to pay the bills this month, or will I have money to feed my family? They are worries and stress on levels you don’t even realize that eat at your immune system and as soon as your immune system is weakened, a disease strikes like a snake lashing out to bite its victim.

The root cause of much of my anxiety was my previous marriage. I’m not even joking a little bit here. I know many people who will say when there’s a problem within the marriage it is Godly to work it out and stay. I say whatever works for you does not work for all. And there IS a reason people divorce because they did try to work it out, they stayed until they suffocated trying to hold pieces of the marriage together. 

I was married at the tender age of seventeen and stayed in a toxic filled, anxiety-laden marriage for TWENTY YEARS! I can guarantee ninety percent of what I have attacking my body is because of my previous marriage. I could feel healing taking place the moment I left home but the damage had already been done, the cells were falling apart, the immune system had become unraveled and an illness slapped me upside the chest, quite literally.

After I left home, so many aspects of my past haunted me for years. I was out here with my Savior by my side the entire time and the enemy was back home sending out the whipping tool trying to rein me in via guilt and shame. I didn’t succumb and even after discussing divorce with my ex, he still thought he owned me and could wait years upon years before ever filing for divorce. 

My ex would never be a man and face the damages he caused, and not taking care of his son was taking its toll on my son and me. This was a layer of the onion exposed. It was bitter, it hurt peeling the reality away, it scarred me and I’m now paying for that weakened part of me. 

I filed for divorce and stood on the solid ground knowing this is what I had to do if I was ever going to heal completely. The marriage wouldn’t evaporate all by itself. The years of pain and contamination festered inside of me until it bubbled over into a deathly disease. I believed I was healing all of those years away from home and I was but like I said, the mutilation had scarred me and had detrimental results.

I am now on a path of emotional cleansing from my past. It wasn’t just the marriage but the family also. It is kind of hard throwing all of those skeleton bones out of the closet when they had been such a big part of my life for such a long time. I need to let go to heal. I’m freeing myself of the ties that had me bound. I am standing on the solid Rock of my Lord who has blessed me unconditionally all of these years and it’s the only emotional cleanser I can use.

I have people whom I thought were my friends abandon me and I have to release them too from any obligation of caring for me. I need real friends to surround me and lift me up and not abandon me when I NEED them the most. I’m not in this alone, if you say you’re my true friend, you are with me on this journey, like it or not, God has called you to CARE!

From the link above: “Take the time NOW to do an inventory of individuals you can count on. Who can you truly rely on to be there in your darkest hour? Who may have a listening ear? Stay away from those who leave you burnt out and stressed.”

I need to release some people to feel the full crux of the healing aspect. This realization of a traumatic marriage is a good part of my cleansing taking place. I have to release guilt, shame, and blame to free myself to accept the mending of my immune system. Emotional healing is never fun but it is an exhilarating portion of the patchwork quilt that will cover me, comfort me and HEAL me for the rest of my life.

All praise and Glory to God!

Acts 10:38 “How God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Ghost and with power: who went about doing good, and healing all that were oppressed of the devil; for God was with him.”

The Spirit of Christmas Gone Wrong (a poem)

1 Cor. 16:14 "Let all your things be done with charity."

Spirit of Christmas

Where has all the loving gone

in the hectic busy throng

of people scurried and buried

in the hustle and bustle gone wrong.

The spirit of Christ left behind

nowhere to find the peace

within my mind as all the souls

entwined by greed are blind.

Empty souls filled with hate  

it's clearly too late as your fate 

is sealed in a tomb with no room

for the saving grace to bloom

The spirit of Christmas shed

dead for the One who bled in 

His word we were led away 

from the dread that bears the dead

From where I stand my life is grand

the world is bland in no man's land

flames all fanned by the hate of man

it is with the love of Christ I stand.

The Spirit of Christmas will thrive

strive as I might to stay alive when

the peace surrounds me that I’ve 

been forced from man to survive.

The Legion Puzzle

James 1:21 (NIV) “Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.”

This past weekend we the people saw what the people of this world are capable of these days. A young up and coming singer/active YouTuber became a victim of violence and her vicious death was overshadowed on Sunday when a mad man went into a nightclub and opened fire killing and maiming as the bullets swept the floor. 

The pieces of the puzzle are falling into place and I, out here in my own little world, am not oblivious to what is going on in the world, I’m saddened by it. I remember a time when we safely walked the darkened streets, listened and respected our parents, and enjoyed life as we knew it to be. Today, we walk the streets with hidden weapons in our purse, mace attached to our hip and extra locks on our door because of fear and hate.

Fear and hate rule the world and don’t you for one minute think politicians in any country rule. Religion does not rule, love knows not where to live, and a legion of darkness is swelling across the world in record heights ready to make this world an afterthought.

Mark 5:9 “And he asked him, What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many.”

Are you a piece of the Legion puzzle? Do you wake finding yourself so full of rage and hate that the only way to release the hatred is to go and share asinine posts with others so they can mount their hate also?

The media throws fresh animosity on the fire by fanning the flames with whichever political party they’re affiliated with and those from the opposite side eat smores around the flame just waiting to spew new fire among the masses. A vicious cycle that can be annihilated through the power of love and prayer but people are too smothered with the Social Media scene, lies and hate that they can’t get out of the stronghold that their addiction to media-spew holds on them.

I sometimes fear that people are addicted to hate. They wake in the morning and just like their coffee they need to drink in the hate to see what mean hurtful things are out there that they can put their spin on and feed their fellow [virtual] friends. They thrive on hostile illusions with clenched fist. The world is consumed with filling themselves to the brim with hate so much so the days are darkened in every part of the world. 

I know exactly what Jesus felt like when he tried to spread love and the people laughed and scoffed, mocking Him at every turn, willingly hanging Him on the cross to die. I am the outcast that everyone laughs at because I want to share love. I’m the one not liked for not being a part of the Legion of evil hate-mongers of the world. I will not swim with the fish that are so full of bitterness that it’s getting very difficult swimming against the malignant flow.

Not many are willing to stand up for love and positivity because they’re too busy swimming in venom. They are the cancer of our society and are a part of what is destroying the world. It’s kind of ironic that people are willing to ‘share’ the scripture and follow it up with the evil angst that has a grip on them through their malicious rants. Don’t they see that THEY are part of the problem?

The more and more people that feed off what the media spoon-feeds you, you are then becoming filled with their agenda filled animosity. You are not your own person, you’re a sheep being led into slaughter and you don’t try and fight, you just join in and sling mud with them [the media] hoping you look good but you look as demented as them, you have willingly become a part of the Legion Puzzle! 

You are the darkness that hides the Light. You are the evil that permeates the soul of the human species spreading like a wildfire out of control and all that is left is the singed embers that once were known as love.

God is gone. God is dead. He isn’t alive in the many, He is alive in a few and that is why the world will come to an abrupt ending because you didn’t care. Your anger and hatred was more important than your salvation. Millions share your ill will and like lava, the moving flow will destroy all it comes in contact with.

I’m alone. I sit and watch the flames of demons lick the faces of people I once loved and devour them. I watch as the world is pulled into the sweaty palm of satan and squeezed for their very last breath of pure air that they can no longer taste. I look and see people being chewed and spit out of the black teeth that have bit them and left a mark on their soul. Ravaged is the human race that has become victims of the beast. You are now a piece of the Legion Puzzle fitting in nicely where satan would have you placed.

Awake you sleeping nation!

Rev. 6: [1] And I saw when the Lamb opened one of the seals, and I heard, as it were the noise of thunder, one of the four beasts saying, Come and see.
[2] And I saw, and behold a white horse: and he that sat on him had a bow; and a crown was given unto him: and he went forth conquering, and to conquer.
[3] And when he had opened the second seal, I heard the second beast say, Come and see.
[4] And there went out another horse that was red: and power was given to him that sat thereon to take peace from the earth, and that they should kill one another: and there was given unto him a great sword.
[5] And when he had opened the third seal, I heard the third beast say, Come and see. And I beheld, and lo a black horse; and he that sat on him had a pair of balances in his hand.
[6] And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts say, A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley for a penny; and see thou hurt not the oil and the wine.
[7] And when he had opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, Come and see.
[8] And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.
[9] And when he had opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of them that were slain for the word of God, and for the testimony which they held:
[10] And they cried with a loud voice, saying, How long, O Lord, holy and true, dost thou not judge and avenge our blood on them that dwell on the earth?

Reasons...

Job 17:7 Mine eye also is dim by reason of sorrow, and all my members are as a shadow.

A Reason

As you can imagine in the depth of my grief, I search endlessly for reasons why things are the way they are. My dad was in the hospital for three weeks when he finally succumbed to COPD in the same hospital room that my grandmother had passed.

I’ve gone over the WHY’S:

Why did he die?

Why was I not there?

Why am I here (in Nebraska)?

Why didn’t I make it to the funeral?

Why didn’t my poem reach his ears?

Why, why, why?

Then I went over the reasons behind all the WHY’S. I wasn’t torturing myself I was more like self-analyzing all the reasons there are for the way things happened the way they did.

Let’s go in order:

Why did he die?

Well, he didn’t just die. For twenty years since his first heart surgery my father had sought out God. He had become closer to God in his final years, not saying he attended church or anything but in his own way he embraced his religion, what it meant to him and where he’d go in the final chapter of his existence, heaven.

My father suffered for many years with heart problems and the last few years it had gotten worse. He was a survivor of throat cancer and watched his sister succumb just this year to the deadly colon cancer (among other cancers she was hit with), and he’d watch from afar his brother-in-law fight with lung cancer.

Over this past year my dad would need more and more oxygen. It got to the point he barely made it to the car with the heavy tanks he had to carry with him. He struggled to breathe on a daily basis. Something we too often take for granted, he was relinquished to begging for more.

Why did he die? Because his heart and lungs couldn’t take it anymore. There was not enough oxygen on this planet to fill his lungs so he had to go to the place where he could breathe easy without any struggles, heaven.

Why was I not there?

It just wasn’t meant to be. I carry a smidgen of guilt but am relieved when I go over the reality of not being there. Reality, something no one wants to hear, they just want to play the point-the-finger-at-the-lousy-daughter game. Yeah, my brothers are back there in Baltimore pointing fingers and wondering what kind of daughter doesn’t make it to her own fathers funeral. I’ll tell you what kind, the kind that lives in the REAL world!

Had I had $3,000 dollars hanging out of my pocket I surely would’ve hightailed it back to Baltimore disability and all. The reality of the matter is, I don’t have $3.00 hanging out of my pocket. I have a roof over my head, I have food on my plate, the house is heated and I have a wonderful husband! Can anyone say they really want more? Then you my friend are a prisoner of a false reality. I don’t live for WANT, I live for NEED and am provided for my needs daily! I WANTED to  be back home but apparently I wasn’t NEEDED.

Let me let you in on another reality. I have two brothers that could’ve very well paid my way back there with no skin off their nose! Did I WANT them to? No! They have their cable bills, their new cars and trucks to pay for, their season tickets to football/baseball games, goodness, where would they EVER find spare cash to help their sister?

My one brother from Tennessee drove eight hours back home but allowed my mother to pay for his hotel for three nights? I forgive him for that since he is the one who paid my mother’s $150 a month garage fees to park their car for the past five or six years. My other brother is a drugee, and my sister has a rental place with her three kids living there.

Why was I not there? 

For the plain and simple reason, MONEY. Sad but true. The reality of life is, that EVERYTHING boils down to money, remember that.

Why am I here in Nebraska? 

Because a man saw a wounded soul 1400 miles away from him and just like a puppy in the middle of the road, he saw to it to rescue me from death.

Why didn’t I make it to the funeral? 

For the reasons above of why I wasn’t there in Baltimore. If you read into the picture I painted of my family, they are who they are and I am no longer a part of them; that bothers them to no measure. I’m happy with nothing (but everything) and they are miserable with everything and more.

They didn’t want me back there because they love me, they wanted me back there to relieve their conscience and so they’d have something and someone to talk about.

Why didn’t my poem reach his ears?

My sister had my last words to my dad on her phone and she was ‘going’ to read it to him but didn’t find the time. Did she read it at his funeral? No. Why? Because she was taking care of other matters that were more important than my last wish to my father.

It wasn’t meant to be. My poem finally made it to my mother via snail-mail and her words were somewhat hurtful, “I’m glad your father didn’t hear this before he died, because it was SAD!”

I’ll tuck that one under my belt.

So again I’ll ask, why am I here in Nebraska?

Because the Lord saw me worthy to be loved! To know what love IS! To feel HIM wrapped around my heart and to bless ME!

While my mother and father were the only two that truly loved me (back home), my siblings claimed to love me but I say to you, to KNOW love is to SHOW love, and in thirteen years I have not been shown love by any of my siblings.

Granted, if they read this, they’d spew that I don’t know what I’m talking about, and * I* never SHOWED THEM love. It’s a tit-for-tat game with them, a game I quit many years ago, out of LOVE for my self and my sanity.

Also granted, that if they knew I was writer, they’d read my words. They love me so well. (Yes I gave them a link to my writing but they lost it somewhere over the years.) Remember, if I’m not making MONEY, then I’m not a writer.

All my WHY’S and REASONS have been answered and now I search for PEACE in the midst of my grief. I go with faith in my hand and God in my heart and I move on to the next phase of my life. I feel the wind beneath my wings…

God bless you all!

Pss. 38: 8 I am feeble and sore broken: I have roared by reason of the disquietness of my heart.

Poetry Sunday ~ Destiny...no more

May 2003

 Destiny…no more

She rode into my life like the stallion of my dreams

To carry me off to sanctity it seems.

It was her stoic behavior that bustled me through

To a world of fresh life, to all things new.

It was with Destiny that my license was gotten

She carried me through tough times that were rotten.

Whisking us to Nebraska up north

And south to NASA and everywhere henceforth.

Great stamina for a fourteen-year-old truck

To ferry us through until one day she was struck.

The memories I had all flooded my mind

Like getting us through travels with him being blind.

Texas, Nebraska, and Omaha trips

Light shows, balloon fests, our loving quick quips.

Destiny was alive, it seemed to me

She knew she had a hand in setting me free.

The first time I hurt her, her airbags all blown

But out of the ditch, her true colors shown.

She started right up the very next day

And for four more years she never did sway.

Is it possible to say we lost a true friend

Who stood beside us to the very end?

An inanimate object to which we adore

Til Carma showed up, now Destiny’s no more.

Luke 2: 29 Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word:

Author’s note: Destiny is the name of our truck that was recently totaled in a collision.

While we understand it was ‘just a truck’, she meant so much more to us both.

Praise God, no one was hurt!

 She served us well!

RIP Destiny

The Sounds of Christmas

1 Cor.14:7 And even things without life giving sound, whether pipe or harp, except they give a distinction in the sounds, how shall it be known what is piped or harped?
***


The Sounds of Christmas

The year has been new and wrought with change
A blemish renewed a life rearranged
What I have, is sounds of my heart
they give me a stir with love to impart.

The lights draw dim no longer a pleasure
the music now holds the sounds that I treasure.
The presents they sit but who knows where
it’s as if my Christmas tree is bare.

The sounds of Christmas are what I have now
music,chimes,bells, the crackling bough.
The snow is cold, wet and a bore.
My eyes can’t see the white stuff no more!

The joy and laughter is what I’ll hold close,
the family around me with hugs I suppose.
The light will be bright right inside my being.
Until the day comes when I’m once again seeing!
***

author's comment: Did you ever hear the saying, "You don't know what you've got until it's gone?" Or something like that? I guess, just guessing here, that that is what it is like to lose your sight. You kind of appreciate the sounds more.

Merry Christmas to all!