And The Beat Goes On

Pss. 55:6 “And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest.”

And The Beat Goes On

In between all the angst of the chemo days, a lot of cruddy things happen in what seems like the beat of a drum. One thing, two thing rat a tat tat, and the beat goes on. This might be the proof I needed to show you that NEGATIVITY breeds NEGATIVITY! All of the instances below began at the beginning of the acceptance of Herceptin, it's when everything was negative to me.

In the midst of our illnesses (my hubby's and mine), our three-year-old fridge decides to make an extremely loud clanking noise in the middle of the night. Loud and irritating, (fridge not hubby) my husband decides to be jarred awake and go bang on the side of the rowdy fridge. The clanking stopped, but the momentum had the cookie jar on top of the fridge, toppling over, the lid came crashing down on the floor shattering into a million pieces, and at three o’clock in the morning, clear eyes are not to be had! Clean up. * sigh *

Then our twenty-year-old clothes dryer decides to play the fridge game and begins its own riotous annoying noise. Not at three a.m. and still heating and drying, its all good, just a pain in the EAR!

His twenty-one-year-old truck decides it’s going to do some booming and banging and as we were heading home from the doctors one day the clanking was obviously the muffler, that had fallen off, dragging behind us. We pulled into a safe place (there are no safe sides of the road here), and hubby pulls the muffler off and places it in the back of the truck. We don’t litter. More sighs are in the works with maybe a few eye-rolls. Next...

Hubby looks all over for his thirteen-year-old phone. I hear something heavy and noisy clanking (this post title should be clanking) in the washer that he had just loaded and started up. I tell him the noise doesn’t sound right from a new washer, but as a man (all men) who don’t listen, goes on with his day, until its time to get clothes out of the washer and what drops to the floor? His phone! The old phone went through the entire wash, rinse and spin cycle. He fruitlessly tries to save it, to no avail. He panics. Our phones are everything to us out here in the middle of nowhere with no landline. Besides being a shop-o-holic, the man is addicted to technology (like the rest of the world)!!!!!

I finish up the clothes, drying and folding and putting away as he runs off to the store to buy a new phone. Payment will just be added to our bill so no out of empty-pocket cash necessary. My anxiety rears its head because it just seems like everything is hitting us and hitting us hard. The fridge, the dryer, the truck, chemo crud, and a clinging cold/allergy session, and now, the phone.

Two hours later he returns with what they had to offer. A deal. UH OH! I hope he didn’t… he did. He fell for what they had to offer: a Smartphone and a FREE tablet with all the fixins and trimmings. A case, a keyboard, and they even tossed in some GPS thing for the car. Swindled. A week later he was returning, the phone shield (not free) and protective phone cover, keyboard to the tablet and the case (also not free). For what they were charging him HUNDREDS of dollars for, he purchased on Amazon for under fifty bucks!

I happen to despise the smartphone and everything that it stands for. I’ll hold my ground with my stupid phone as long as I can, but wouldn’t you know it, ironically, maybe less than two weeks later since his purchase, my phone stops working. Keys don’t function, the battery barely holds a charge, and the only key that worked in the end, was a way to get my contacts before my dumb-phone went dark, never to open its eyes again. 

I cried! I wanted my stupid phone! My only active contacts on the phone were my texts to my son, a text to hubby when he was on break at work, and two calls on the weekend to my mother. That’s it! Now the phone has gone into the ether. What will this poor woman do??

Hubby snapped into action, he ordered me a phone online and it would take two days to arrive. Thank God my son has a FB messenger app that when I write to him from Facebook, it goes right to his phone. Two days not talking to him, my lifeline, would tear me to pieces. Facebook finally came in handy! The only problem? With our phone service (I have no idea what it all entails, and I don’t care to know. Technology is a blank to me, a total blank!) the only phone they force on you is, you guessed it, the Smartphone! They offer NOTHING but smartphones! 

So my phone conveniently goes up in a puff of smoke when his phone was accidentally fried. Now I'm forced to get a new phone. It’s a conspiracy. It seems everything can and is going wrong like a train derailment skidding into a stop position but no sign of slowing any time soon.
But wait all of this began happening when my perky positive self took a turn for the worse. I’m an optimist, positive sharer of love, and giver of smiles and joy, but when I knew I was going for chemo in the vein, my world toppled! TOPPLED! I lost hope, I lost laughter and joy and optimism. Optimism is what God wanted me to have but hope was veiled, I couldn’t find positivity and every single day it is a struggle to see the Light shine, and lack of sun and warmth is no help.

Also on the familial level, I feel like a forgotten soul. Do you know how hard it is to love online Spiritual Family, that actually embraces me daily, more than any other family I'm connected to? Don’t get me wrong, I love the families God has surrounded me with but it is hard to see people as caring with an every-three-month email or visit (if that) saying I’m praying for you, hope things are okay. I’ve shut down. If you want to know how I am ask ME, I’ll be glad to tell you, if you don’t ask, I won’t, it’s that easy.

I’ve written a blog for well over ten years. My family could sure learn a lot about me if they read the pain in my words but no, they’ll wait until I pass and say, “How come I didn’t know about this?” Well, you did but you didn’t care enough to read the very heart and soul of the one you claimed to have loved.

Now to turn this around into a positive! I HAVE to see positive beauty in life, the life I WANT to live and not give up on. I have a husband, a son, and a Spiritual Family that cares for me, touches me, and gives me strength every single day to go on and be the me they know me to be! I am HER!!! It’s just hard digging her out of the trenches the sandy soil has encompassed me with.

The truck still runs, the chemo might get better, we did get new phones (that’s a whole different story) and my hardy Salvias are trying to peek their heads out and show me that life IS worth sticking around for. Until I got wind of a Blizzard Warning for the end of the week. HA HA HA HA! 

I’m looking up! I need to continue writing because that is the emotional healing that I NEED. Where you all follow along, read, and support me, my family here doesn’t know much at all and is full of questions. That pretty much sets me back because my path is NOT the path they’d choose, nor would any of you for that matter, but you RESPECT my chosen path! I love you for that. 

When I say I don’t look forward to living. The family gasps! You guys reading this understand me and know that this is just a phase and offer prayer, support and strength as I wiggle my way through this setback. You lift me up and make me WANT to live! Give me a REASON to live! And just as I typed this I peeked at Facebook before posting this and here’s what greeted me. “Our thoughts and feelings have an electromagnetic reality. Manifest wisely.” 

I think my Spiritual Family actually gets this, I thank you and love you for knowing and understanding me! Manifest positivity and it powers through! Manifest negativity and everything can and will go wrong. 

Mark 1:10  "And straightway coming up out of the water, he saw the heavens opened, and the Spirit like a dove descending upon him:”

January 4th - Fill In the Blank

Rom. 3:23 “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

January 4th, 2019

Today arrived which meant more physical therapy: step up, step down, up/down 20 times right foot, 20 times left foot. Then the Cane Walk, 4 laps around the fitness area with my CANE, and then more exercises. I remember my doctor asking me once if I thought this ‘physical therapy’ stuff is working and with my mouth almost to the floor I said YES! I could not have gotten this far alone!

I can almost taste taking my walks again. I look out the window and visualize the event. The weather being in the upper forties for over a week now, melting snow with puddles that mimic swimming pools, and next week being a repeat with a couple of fifties in there make me wonder if this is the calm before the storm. If it's not, then I’m thinking that stupid groundhog got his months mixed up. 

My physical therapy is moving right along and the weather is being generous in that I don’t need to wear numerous layers of clothing. The new year snuck up on me and caught me preoccupied with things other than writing and finishing my story. So I begin the New Year filling in the blanks. 

This month also marked the arrival of chickens. CHICKENS, can you believe it? They might have arrived in December but again, my brain and a timeline are not in sync yet. I’ve lived out here on this closed down former Turkey Ranch for ten years now and have seen some of the strangest things!

I’ve had a fox walk past my window, I’ve had baby raccoons curl up in the corner of my steps (my son has video proof!), I’ve had what looked very much like a groundhog just mosey on up the path outside my window, I have had close encounters with the voles tearing up my lawn, I have eight pigeons that currently live in the Old Mill tanks, and a stray labrador appeared just after my father’s passing and is still here, and the list goes on and on. Did I mention my cardinal reappearing who hasn't been seen since last spring?!?!

Wild Turkey’s have wandered these cornfields for years but disappeared when the Turkey Ranch was active a few years ago, they knew slaughter when they smelled it and stayed away! They’ve returned in full force, I have about ten huge birds that visit my bird feeder as well as chickens! My son tells me I have to watch what I wish for. He remembers me for years saying I wanted chickens, then since my illness began I wanted free roaming ones. Then here they come, beautiful as ever, appearing out my window on a warm day, pecking at the birdseed meant for the birds that the squirrels have taken a liking to; I don’t mind at all. These are the highlights of my Days of Healing! 

They disappeared when we had a freeze, high wind, and snow, but hubby says he still hears the rooster crowing somewhere down the road. Now I want them back! I grow attached to my animals. I’m a nature lover at heart, animals are my friends, plants, trees, rocks, and butterflies are my meditative love. God is the internal Spirit that bestows these things upon me and I LOVE them as He’s asked me to do, what can I say.

Zech. 4:6 “Then he answered and spake unto me, saying, This is the word of the LORD unto Zerubbabel, saying, Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the LORD of hosts.”

Zech. 4:8  “Moreover the word of the LORD came unto me, saying,” 

Rejoice and be happy, write and tell your story, rest for a season, share for a reason, and know, I am the Lord your God, with me NOTHING is impossible! I go in peace!

All praise and Glory to God!

Rom 8:6 “For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.”

New Year Blanks

Rom. 3:23 “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

January 1st, 2019

I was asked in a dream what one scripture if I could choose, would define the coming year. Some people choose a word, some a scripture. It doesn’t really mean that your year will be defined by what you choose, it basically says, hey I remember this one. This one touches me on many different levels.

I choose this one because while I don’t judge people I do sin. Everyone sins. I don’t wake up and try to sin, just the opposite, I wake and try NOT to sin. Big difference. It seems everyone else wakes up and just sins without care. Again, I'm not judging, I just disagree with that kind of living, but whatever works. So this scripture will define my blank posts for the year. If I miss a day of writing. This scripture will define my blank page days, and be a fill-in as I continue writing, healing and telling you, the rest of my story. It will also remind me that I DO sin! But God still loves me! 

My New Year began on Tuesday, January first, at least that is what the calendar said. My friends who know me, know I don’t celebrate ‘the New Year’ per se, I celebrate my new year on Easter. Instead of a pagan holiday, I turn Easter into a holy-for-me day, my New Year will begin, I will start anew! 

January first… a day like any other day. No physical therapy. Just me enjoying my new freedoms as I heal. I can now make my own breakfasts, wash dishes, do laundry, dust furniture and vacuum, and a major can-do is I can SHOWER! I did that over the weekend as well as my housework. Today was a rest day before we dismantle Christmas. Frigid temps would keep the doors closed and the heater on as we wait for a predicted thaw for the rest of the week.

May the New Calendar Year be a blessed onset of righteous living! May I grow even more Spiritually as the days progress and I work on becoming ever closer to God. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

The Rainbow... a promise from God! 

It's Hard...

Pss. 63:8 “My soul followeth hard after thee: thy right hand upholdeth me.” 

It’s Hard…

As you know I haven’t written in awhile and many of my friends might be wondering how I’m doing. A meme on Facebook wishing you a good day doesn’t tell you, a meme exclaiming all is right with the world is not a picture in my window that all is well and a meme certainly can’t carry the pain I have on a daily basis. 

I’ve stopped complaining about the cold, wind and snow that left the trees bare right up until this week when we did a leap into summer, no spring, right into summer. We were in the thirties and forties two weeks ago, then bam the eighties. That is not a complaint by any means but it kind of throws you into the unpreparedness of the seasons.

All I have in my wardrobe is turtlenecks and fuzzy socks and they don’t bode well for eighty-degree heat. I have pants that don’t fit, shirts that drape me, and pains that won’t leave me. At one hundred pounds even my size six jeans is too big so now I don’t even have shorts for the summer. I have tennis shoes and sandals but I prefer wearing clothes as to not scare anyone from looking at this skeleton of a body. 

I’m slowly changing up my protocol, I’ve gone gluten-free so I can eat food, but nothing seems to be working these days, and I think my PH is so wonkey, that it is keeping me in the disabled column. The extremely cold horrendous snowy winter was not a friend to my illness in any way.

Then there is the grass that finally turned green and with days on end of clouds and some rain, the grass began rapidly springing up like a time-lapse show of growth. Then there was the thought of mowing; that was my summertime pleasure. I knew in this condition, my summer would be spent in the house and no pushing the lawn mower from one row of overgrown grass to the next. I more than likely would just be sitting at the window watching it grow as the world outside the window went on around me.

Yes, I do have a husband and a son who are more than capable of mowing but my son works about forty-five hours a week and my husband’s schedule has changed to five days a week. Granted he only works five hours a day but no one feels like coming home, after being on your feet for hours on end, to mow the lawn now, do they?

I had been asking for a riding mower for the nine years that we’ve lived here but it was just not feasible on a part-time salary and only one person working. It was on my bucket list of things to do before I die, own a riding mower. Yeah, that’s sad, mowing makes me that happy. 

When we first moved here the owner had a really nice riding mower and I took care of all three properties for four hours a day. Each week a new set of growth sprung up keeping me happy and busy until the belt broke, and the owner never got the machine fixed. He didn’t care; he’s a millionaire and doesn’t have to look at the three-foot-high grass. Hubby’s mom gave us an old faithful rusted up push mower that lasted until a few years ago when it finally went kaput! Even then we’d thought of a riding mower but illnesses kept it out of the budget. A newer push mower was affordable, somewhat.

Now this year I’m faced with an illness that should’ve kept the option of a riding mower out of the equation but I can smell my husband’s fear. It's hard; he’s trying so hard to be supportive and he even tried giving up sugar and cigarettes for me but fear won out. Not everyone is as strong as I am and I totally understand where he is coming from. I think everyone has some small measure of fear in the back of their minds that this just isn’t going to work. No one has DARED voiced those sentiments but instinctively I sense the emotions.

On Thursday, the third of May, he let me know he was stopping by Walmart for a hitch for his truck (I thought he already had one). I assumed the hitch was for a trailer so he could take his mother a bench he made for her for Mother’s Day. When he got home and I prodded him for information he announced he needed to find a trailer for a riding lawn mower he was purchasing. I cried. Tears of joy leaked down my cheek and a faucet full of tears came streaming down. 

I told him, “Don’t you dare tease me!” He assured me he wasn’t. I asked if he could get it delivered and he announced that they wanted $250 for delivery. He called around asking if anyone had a trailer, his brothers' trailer had bad tires. I was calling around asking to borrow money but to no avail, maybe the rider wasn’t in the cards. 

Friday morning came and when the small trailer his brother-in-law had was just that, too small, he decided to go rent one. Not realizing how cheap the rental was, after a lot of running around from store to store, he finally arrived at Walmart to pick up the floor model riding lawn mower to deliver to my waiting heart.

When he pulled up with the mower I couldn’t stop the tears. I was visualizing the many hours of enjoyment on the mower and how my husband went above and beyond to see me happy even by going in debt to own this machine that was now lighting my face with tears of happiness.

After about twenty minutes of the how-to’s, I was well on my way to mowing my lawn! He took the trailer back and left me alone with my new friend, Murray the mower; not a John Deere, or a Craftsman but Murray was MINE, all mine!!!!

When he returned home half of my lawn was already mowed. It’s a big lawn and I had to save myself some to cut the next day. I parked the mower right outside my window so I could wake the next day and see that it all wasn’t just a dream.

While walking and maneuvering might be hard this summer, mowing my lawn will NOT be a problem for any of us. Life is hard all around, not just for me, for everyone. My petty annoyances are nothing to what some other people have to go through. I am blessed to be alive, I cherish every moment I get, and I’m most thankful for a husband who loves me more than the sun shines, the earth spins and flowers bloom! (But no, not more than pork chops)

Be blessed and be grateful! God created it and it was good!

Healing Wounds

Pss. 147: 3 “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.”

Healing Wounds

Reading the news and looking out at the apocalyptic images, it’s obvious we are living in uncertain times. People will argue that we’ve always had wildfires, hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes, and floods and yes, they’d be right. But this year so far ties for weather disasters that have topped the billion-dollar mark. Remember, the year isn’t over yet. 

I believe that like human beings having the capacity to heal our wounds by the intricate ways we’re made (our immune systems) Earth had the ability to heal also. I say HAD the ability because I think the earth is done with our disastrous actions. We laughed and scoffed at climate change, we thought we had hundreds if not thousands of years to heal the planet, we tried the recycling bit, but the earth is wounded. Earth has cried out for our help and we ignored the calls, it is now beyond healing. Earth is now walking to its death.

Jer. 14: 19 “Hast thou utterly rejected Judah? hath thy soul lothed Zion? why hast thou smitten us, and there is no healing for us? we looked for peace, and there is no good; and for the time of healing, and behold trouble!”

It’s not just weather anomalies, it’s human behavior, we’re a messed up species. We betray laws in record proportions. We damage lives without consideration, we go on in life as if everything will just either go away, heal on its own, or eventually get better. Sorry people, we are not getting better, we are not healing, and we’re not even trying if we tell ourselves the truth.

What I do know, for a fact, is that individual healing can and is taking place. Every man and woman alive has the chance to heal. Again, we shrug it all off as if we have time. We eat what we want, drink what we want, we have no restraint as we plow ahead killing ourselves. We are living to die and we’re happy with that.

I’m not happy with just settling for ‘it’ll get better on its own’ and I’m doing everything within my power to change. People call it bravery and being courageous, I don’t see it that way, I see it as a choice, life or death and I choose life. There’s nothing brave about choosing life over death or have we become so mixed up that we see survival as courage?

Josh. 2:11 “And as soon as we had heard these things, our hearts did melt, neither did there remain any more courage in any man, because of you: for the LORD your God, he is God in heaven above, and in earth beneath.”

We are living in times where we get sick, we go to the doctor, he gives us a drug, and tries to pacify what is ailing us. We don’t try healing ourselves we go right to the doctor, taking the pill he offers and then playing the wait and see game. Let’s see if this pill works, if not, we’ll try a different one, over and over. There is something seriously wrong with that. I’m not naïve in my thinking, I’ve had my share of damaging experiences from the medical communities from three different states and can assure you, all of the doctors were different with their approaches to ‘healing’ the sick.

Now I think the country is in the mindset that it is too far-gone, we are too conditioned to change our way of thinking. The earth cannot turn back the clock, the earth takes hundreds of years (if not thousands) to heal, but humans have the ability to change right now in their lifetime! I did it and I’m no different than you. I am fifty years old and changed in the blink of an eye; I chose LIFE! That’s not courage or bravery it is survival. Maybe if everyone saw waking up each day as an opportunity to survive instead of living a mundane ho-hum life of work, eat, sleep, maybe the world wouldn’t be in such bad shape.

I noticed something; Yes, I’ve noticed this happening over the years but more so now than ever before, besides the disastrous weather. When people are sick, they go to the doctor, trust that the pill prescribed will heal them, take the pill, then pray to God the drug works. When the pill doesn’t work, people assume God didn’t answer their prayer. They go back on the drug carousel and go around and around searching for a pill that works and when it finally does, praises God, prayers answered. That doesn’t sound right, does it?

Now imagine getting sick and turning to God first, trusting Him and HEARING him, and patiently waiting FOR HIM to do his healing. Number one, people (yes even believers) don’t want to turn to God first, He takes too long to respond and they want to heal NOW! Second, this is a serious health issue and a doctor is needed. He has happy pills that will make this illness/disease go back to sleep. Thirdly, there is the money factor. You have insurance that will pay for the pills and doctors and by golly, you’re going to utilize it. This is your life in a nutshell.

People would rather heal the outside before healing the inside. People would rather trust in man and his book knowledge than God and His infinite wisdom. Have you ever looked at a DNA strand? Have you ever thought about the intricate layers of healing via our immune system that we have within our grasp? Do you ever think that the Almighty Healer knew what he was doing when creating humans? He trusted us, to take care of our bodies and He put His trust in us to take care of His land, and we can’t even give Him the same trust and respect.

Rev. 20:11 “And I saw a great white throne, and him that sat on it, from whose face the earth and the heaven fled away; and there was found no place for them.”

Man has destroyed man. Man has destroyed the earth and continues to do so and all we can do is BLAME God? Think about it people, God gave us everything we’d ever need to succeed in replenishing our bodies, our souls and the earth and we mangled our duty to trust and OBEY. Sure some of us trust, but the majority does not OBEY! We like to think we do, but if you look around at the catastrophes you can now SEE, we botched the job!

Mal. 4:2 “But unto you that fear my name shall the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in his wings; and ye shall go forth, and grow up as calves of the stall.”

I’ve come to realize something, I was given a death sentence and I chose to trust and obey God on this, that’s it. I’m doing nothing that isn’t in each and every one of our grasp. It’s not bravery it is survival. I’ve realized what I should’ve known (and basically did) many years ago, I’m not fighting to live in this damage depleted world, I’m fighting for my survival in eternity with Him. I’m not returning to him a damaged product, I’m returning to Him a HEALED mind, BODY and soul! It is the very LEAST I can do for Him.

All praise and Glory to God!

Rev. 22:2 “In the midst of the street of it, and on either side of the river, was there the tree of life, which bare twelve manner of fruits, and yielded her fruit every month: and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations.”

Quotation Saturday ~ Seasons - Changes

Pss. 55:19 “God shall hear, and afflict them, even he that abideth of old. Selah. Because they have no changes, therefore they fear not God.”

SEASONS

“Is not this a true autumn day? Just the still melancholy that I love - that makes life and nature harmonise. The birds are consulting about their migrations, the trees are putting on the hectic or the pallid hues of decay, and begin to strew the ground, that one's very footsteps may not disturb the repose of earth and air, while they give us a scent that is a perfect anodyne to the restless spirit. Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns."
[Letter to Miss Eliot, Oct. 1, 1841]” 
― George Eliot

“I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently? And then it covers them up snug, you know, with a white quilt; and perhaps it says, "Go to sleep, darlings, till the summer comes again.” 
― Lewis Carroll

“Spring passes and one remembers one's innocence.
Summer passes and one remembers one's exuberance.
Autumn passes and one remembers one's reverence.
Winter passes and one remembers one's perseverance.” 
― Yoko Ono

“If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."

[Meditations Divine and Moral]” 
― Anne Bradstreet

“At no other time (than autumn) does the earth let itself be inhaled in one smell, the ripe earth; in a smell that is in no way inferior to the smell of the sea, bitter where it borders on taste, and more honeysweet where you feel it touching the first sounds. Containing depth within itself, darkness, something of the grave almost.” 
― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters on Cézanne

 “The leaves fall, the wind blows, and the farm country slowly changes from the summer cottons into its winter wools.” 
― Henry Beston

“SEASONS OF LIFE

Sometimes I fall
And feel myself slowly wilt and die,
But then I suddenly spring back on my feet
To go play in the sun outside.
I am no different than the weather,
The planets or the trees;
For there do not always have to be reasons
For the seasons turning inside of me.
The magnetism that swirls
In the sky, land, and sea
Are the exact same currents found twirling
In the electric ocean within me.
I am a moving vessel of energy.
And if my emotions do not
Flow up, down,
Within and around,
Then I am not alive.” 
― Suzy Kassem

CHANGES

“Bottom line is, even if you see 'em coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are.” 
― Joss Whedon

“Half of me is filled with bursting words and half of me is painfully shy. I crave solitude yet also crave people. I want to pour life and love into everything yet also nurture my self-care and go gently. I want to live within the rush of primal, intuitive decision, yet also wish to sit and contemplate. This is the messiness of life - that we all carry multitudes, so must sit with the shifts. We are complicated creatures, and ultimately, the balance comes from this understanding. Be water. Flowing, flexible and soft. Subtly powerful and open. Wild and serene. Able to accept all changes, yet still led by the pull of steady tides. It is enough.” 
― Victoria Erickson

“The purest form of faith happens when you reach the bottom of your reasoning and find there is nothing that you can do that will make sense out of what you have been through.” 
― Shannon L. Alder

“Sacred blessings and divine opportunities appear in your life disguised as unforeseen changes and challenging circumstances.” 
― Miya Yamanouchi

“When you receive God's love, it means you're getting close to Him, spending time in His presence, opening your heart to Him, seeking to know Him, and desiring to be more like Him. Remember that choosing to receive God's love changes your life.” 
― Stormie Omartian

My Own Little World

My Own Blessed Little World

1 John 4:16 “And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.”

Out here in the middle of nowhere, I sit in my own little world. People expect me to be absorbed in the virtual world but no, it serves no purpose in my life so I sit in my own little world tapping on keys writing to my hearts content. 

The mornings here in this springtime world are bathed in sunshine, after almost a month of gray clouds and rain. The crisp cool mornings are still upon us where a light jacket is needed in the morning but by afternoon, no jacket is required, just sun, grass, and endless fields.

The pivots are making their morning stroll releasing a mist to the newly planted fields. Big-wheeled tractors are making their morning rounds discharging a fertilizer to protect the greenery from insects. Then there are the cottonwood trees freeing the clumps of cotton-like substance landing on the ground looking like a newly fallen snow.

Then there is the insect world. The spiders have been awakened from their winter slumber, the flies are mounting an army to attack any living creature in their way, and the hummingbird moths have made their appearance on my Salvia bush. Butterflies flit off in the distance inspecting the newly bloomed Marigolds that resurface every year. Note that marigolds are not perennials but the mild winters have been protecting the seeds as they fell from last year and so I am blessed with hundreds of marigolds each season.

I was in a bit of depression a few weeks ago and my one friend asked me what was wrong. I didn’t really give him any clear answer but sure enough, a week later he prodded further and I told him I was healing. I had been down for who knows what reason but I was now working on myself and finding healing. That’s a friend, who senses when you’re down and actually cares enough to poke in your business to see what the problem is and checks up on you to make sure you’re doing okay. 

He assured me that I am blessed and it hit home. I began counting the blessings in my life instead of focusing on what I can’t do. You see, I’m not an idle person; I always like to be moving whether planting in my garden, digging up weeds, mowing, cleaning, and doing laundry or whatever. I type/write in the few minutes of rest that my disabled body needs, then I’m back up moving around. 

My disability gets me down a lot of the times. I don’t even know what the disability is but I do know if I was pulled over and asked to take a sobriety test I’d fail for my inability to walk a straight line and not from alcohol either. My vision isn’t too good either so I stopped driving for my safety and the other drivers, too. I was diagnosed with arthritis in my back but after reading the M.S. symptoms, I’m not going to rule that out.

After I throw myself a pity party, I find a healing place in counting my blessings. I know this doesn’t sound like a blessing but my neighbor finally mowed down her waist high grass. Her riding mower needed blade repair and a push mower that she bought (so that she could lose weight, she told me) was too hard for her so she had her riding mower repaired and spent four hours for three days out there in the sun, stirring up my allergies, but I was feeling blessed by not having to see the eyesore any longer.

On the cooler days, I take advantage of getting outside, in my own little world. Sometimes I mow (carefully, knowing my limits) sometimes I just sit out there watching trucks roll by, other times I’m out there, counting my blessings.

While many people are consumed with what they don’t have, what they HAVE to have, what they WANT and what they’ll spend their money on, I’m here in my own little world counting my blessings of all that I HAVE! Cherishing the fact that I have all that I NEED and want for nothing but cool nights so I can continue sleeping with my windows open and the breeze chilling me so much that the quilt is pulled up to my neck!

I know spring will end and summer will arrive, and in my own little world, that will be fine by me! I’ll just continue to count my blessings!

Deut. 28:2 “And all these blessings shall come on thee, and overtake thee, if thou shalt hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God.”

Weather the Storm

Pss.148:8 “Fire, and hail; snow, and vapour; stormy wind fulfilling his word:”

Many many people go through trials and tribulations but not everyone handles the storm they’re passing through in a graceful manner. I’ve been through too many storms to count but always I try to hold my head up in optimism and trudge through the blaring winds that season my face.

I don’t allow the storms to break me instead I let them build me up into a stronger being. By writing about my storms, I share with you the fact that not all storms are damaging. Take for instance Friday when my hubby came home from work and told me he lost his job. Granted it wasn’t a great job to begin with but it was a job. 

Him being ‘disabled’, blind in one eye and limited driving, he has to take what he can get which makes finding a job pretty challenging for him. He’ll never be able to go back to the forty-hour workweek like he had when we lived in Texas and he worked for UPS on the high-income end of the tax bracket. No, since he went blind for two and a half years it humbled us beyond measure. We took on a new way of living. 

We normally take on storms like brushing hair out of our eyes; we just whip them away and move onto the next challenge. That’s how we roll. This time is no different; I didn’t shatter into a million pieces nor did he when he was ‘let go’ to put it mildly.

I twiddled my thumbs anticipating the anxiety he must have felt being the breadwinner of the household. Since I’m disabled, can’t work and can barely take care of the household things that need to be done around here, of course I wondered what his next course of action would be in this matter.

Monday he was online filling out applications and Tuesday he received a call for an interview on Wednesday and Wednesday found him at the job interview and it ending with ‘come in Sunday to train’!!! Wow, talk about a storm passing over! Praise God!

There are drawbacks but none my man can’t handle. It’s not a lot of hours but he can’t put in more than 30 with his limited driving. He can’t drive in the dark and cannot exceed a sixty-mile radius, which really puts him for whatever job is out there in the Kearney area that is willing to work his limitations into their schedule. I know with summer months we get more daylight but many won’t work around him to satisfy their job requirement. 

It really stinks being limited but hey, living in the midst of a storm constantly is a learning experience not too many could handle. We weather these storms wrapped in God’s loving arms and just when you think it is settling down, WHAM another storm.

“Life is not about waiting for the storm to PASS, it’s learning to DANCE in the rain!”

I wonder why a candle with that quote is prominently displayed on my table? Because I love dancing in the rain. When God tosses a storm my way, I don’t run and hide under an umbrella, I let the rain roll down my cheeks, I let the wind blow through my hair, I sometimes tremble at the ferocity of the lightning but then I still, dance in the rain.

God’s like that sometimes, He tosses storms your way to see how you’ll handle what He throws at you. You either become a testimony for His greatness or you hid under a rock, the choice is always your own.

Isa. 25:4 “For thou hast been a strength to the poor, a strength to the needy in his distress, a refuge from the storm, a shadow from the heat, when the blast of the terrible ones is as a storm against the wall.”

The End is Near ~ Part II

2 Cor. 2:9 “For to this end also did I write, that I might know the proof of you, whether ye be obedient in all things.”

By Monday morning the news blasted across the screen that there were “43 dead across seven states after a week of devastating storms, flooding and tornadoes.” And now we can add California too with a wildfire. We can’t blame terrorism for this one now can we?

We can sit comfortably at home and laugh the hardy har har and politicize this, we can scoff and chuckle at the terms “Global Warming”, “Climate Change” or El Niño but you cannot sit at home and deny that SOMETHING is happening! Or is all this just ‘normal’ weather patterns for you? Tornadoes in December? A blizzard in El Paso? Normal you say?

On Christmas day as we were driving home, we were bombarded by pellets. Not snow, not ice and not rain but pellets. I felt like I was in the middle of a packing war because they looked exactly like the packing material used when shipping something. It felt strange because just the week before we were basking in the fifty degree range. Yeah I guess that’s normal for Nebraska in December. I’ve been here almost seven years and haven’t come to know this as a normal December for Nebraska.

Another strange event happened on Christmas. We arrived home in time for the sky to darken as lightning streaked across the sky. No thunder just lightning. In strobe like fashion it blinked as if the earth was being short-circuited. I knew that on this Christmas there would be a full moon, the first Christmas full moon in 38 years, so it kind of felt like a phenomenal climax to the season; the kind you never remember having in your lifetime?

Many will politicize this, laughing at the politicians who tried to tell us what they thought was happening. Some will try Biblicism and call on Bible scripture to say LOOK, it is written! Scientists will shout out that they have been warning us for years and everyone just seems to laugh it off!

My take on this is, and I’m no scientist, I think WE as a human race have done this to ourselves! Our earth was dependent on us as a species to take care of the planet but no, we had to go and ruin it with our greed for more, more, more; more cars, more planes, more materials, more houses, etc. !!

I think the earth is at war with us! All of the having more of this and more of that is having a detrimental affect on us as a human race. Just as we have been infecting ourselves with poison ie: think cholesterol, alcohol, drugs, (legal or not) and thinking there are no ramifications, we are injecting the earth with a poison and now we are feeling the disease running rampant on our planet. 

Science can PROVE this but we sit back and laugh because we’d rather politicize it and place blame on OTHERS, not ourselves! We can be like Chicken Little and cry out, “The end is near, the end is NEAR” until we are blue in the face. Until you start taking seriously that the sky is falling and not doing something about it, then my friend, this IS the end… of TIME!

And the year is not over…yet.

May God humble you in these darkened days and may you see the Light that lies at the end of the tunnel. God bless you all!

Rev. 2:26 “And he that overcometh, and keepeth my works unto the end, to him will I give power over the nations:”

Poetry Sunday ~ Layers

Jer. 4:25 I beheld, and, lo, there was no man, and all the birds of the heavens were fled.
***
~ Layers ~
Blankets of snow peeled away
uncovering the grass beneath;
wherefore moss and worms cavort
under the last seasons leaf.

Robins bounce back into life
the cardinal’s song is heard.
Blue jays gather twigs and things
our days no longer blurred.

Cranes are flying overhead
heron gather together.
Geese are moving to and fro
to announce this glorious weather.

The sky it quivers full of sound
birds are making their way;
abundance of life hovers over me
as song sings out this day.

The sun stretches out its arms
a baby calf is born.
Spring has sprung back into life
this late February morn.

Quotation Saturday

POETRY

Poetry is the journal of the sea animal living on land, wanting to fly in the air. Poetry is a search for syllables to shoot at the barriers of the unknown and the unknowable. Poetry is a phantom script telling how rainbows are made and why they go away. 

~Carl Sandburg,

Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. 

~Leonard Cohen

He who draws noble delights from sentiments of poetry is a true poet, though he has never written a line in all his life. 

~George Sand, 1851
 

Poetry is nearer to vital truth than history. 

~Plato, Ion

CHANGE
 

He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery. 

~Harold Wilson

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it. 

~Mary Engelbreit

Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure. But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it. Because we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer. 

~Shunryu Suzuki

Life is its own journey, presupposes its own change and movement, and one tries to arrest them at one's eternal peril. ~Laurens van der Post

IDLENESS
 

The idle man does not know what it is to enjoy rest, for he has not earned it. 

~John Lubbock

There is a working class - strong and happy - among both rich and poor: there is an idle class - weak, wicked, and miserable - among both rich and poor. 

~John Ruskin

To be idle and to be poor have always been reproaches, and therefore every man endeavors with his utmost care to hide his poverty from others, and his idleness from himself. 

~Samuel Johnson

Shun idleness. It is a rust that attaches itself to the most brilliant metals. 

~Voltaire

INTEGRITY
 

I never had a policy; I have just tried to do my very best each and every day. 

~Abraham Lincoln
 

Transcend political correctness and strive for human righteousness. 

~Anthony J. D'Angelo

Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking. There are too many people who think that the only thing that's right is to get by, and the only thing that's wrong is to get caught. 

~J.C. Watts

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it. ~Buddha

WEATHER
 

The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain. 

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
 

Rain! whose soft architectural hands have power to cut stones, and chisel to shapes of grandeur the very mountains. 

~Henry Ward Beecher

Many a man curses the rain that falls upon his head, and knows not that it brings abundance to drive away the hunger. 

~Saint Basil
 

“Wherever you may be, in storm or raging sea. Maximize, minimize is not for me.” 

~Joni Zipp, on impending hurricane Irene

Poetry Sunday ~ Seasons

Acts 1: 7 And he said unto them, It is not for you to know the times or the seasons, which the Father hath put in his own power.
***
Seasons
All rights reserved: copyright © Joni Zipp***

There are seasons that come

and seasons that go
seasons of essence
where we all must grow.

Fall for the foliage
we shed our past
silent sorrow
that never last.

Winter, the snow
will shelter our pain
blanket our soul
with granuled rain.

Spring’s the time
for life to bloom.
sprout through the season;
a fresh soul to groom.

Summer the season
renewed growth surges.
the year now complete
the new you emerges.
All rights reserved: copyright © Joni Zipp