Monday, May 23, 2016

A Break

John 5:30 “I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me.”

I’m taking a break. Maybe you’ve noticed, maybe you haven’t but there comes a time when God puts a halt to your daily routine and lets you know you need a break from it all. 

I’ve almost given facebook up completely (except for the prayer requests) since facebook is no longer a feel-good place. Instead of the place lifting my spirits up, what has happened is the complete opposite. There is no way to bathe yourself in negativity on a daily basis and it makes you feel good. 

It has grown to be more than all of the political crap being spewed by the ‘so-called’ Christians, there is a blanket of negative posts that leads one to see people differently, like not in a good light? I just have to take a break. I don’t like seeing people in a negative light. My blog writing will pay the price because not even writing positive stuff makes me feel good anymore. The negativity has saturated my being and I need a break so I can refocus and come back in full form.

There used to be a couple of positive posts that I could look to and it lift me up and carry me through the day but no, two positive posts do not outweigh the twenty or so negative posts. Yes, this election year has turned people into some sort of demon seeds, spilling out hate like an oil slick on water damaging anything it comes into contact with. 

People think they are being helpful and insightful but all that they do is generate a negative energy that feeds the other legion of negative dwellers. They swarm like bees, gnawing the very essence of positivity and draining the site of all the good left in the world. And then people wonder why they can’t sleep at night?

That’s the one good thing that hasn’t been ruined by the negative virtual world and that’s my sleep. I sleep soundly, I fall to sleep right away and the only thing that awakens me is the sound of the early birds chiming in my window and letting me know the sun is about to rise. So that’s my positive; yay me!

The downright chilly mornings are refreshing. Open windows, low electric bills, no heater needed or A.C., a roof over my head and food in my fridge. All are the positive things that I hold onto while venturing into the negative realm. 

The babies; my niece (and her hubby) have a daughter about to turn one-year-old, my nephew (and his wife) has a daughter turning one in August, my other niece (and her hubby) have three beautiful well rounded adjusted kids that I love seeing their faces and pics to make my day more merry. And I also have a friend who has a daughter with a baby who has the most beautiful eyelashes and laughter that can make any downer of a day a pick me up of a day. Those beautiful faces keep facebook alive for me.

I’ve suffered from depression my whole life, I’ve never been medicated for depression or back pain and I walk with my head high because I will not throw negative crud in people’s faces to make them feel worse? We have a very sick nation that enjoys spewing hate!

Thank you for telling me what I already know. Thank you for letting me know what Memorial Day is all about because God knows, the stupid people who read your wall were not too sure. Thank you for telling me how stupid Democrats are and how intelligent Republicans are? Because again, God knows I don’t know this stuff and I need YOU to make your ego feel good and yes, that’s all it is, YOU on an EGO trip.

I need a break because the more time I spend in the virtual world the less I feel like a human being,and the more anger fills my soul. I knew I didn’t need this world to invade my world and turn me against the world. Yeah, I know, that makes no sense. But hey, nobody sees me as having sense anyway, so enjoy your life. Enjoy the mask-wearing ego-tripping person that you are and leave me to my God. Oh was that name calling? My apologies. You the people have done this and I THANK YOU! For showing me who you truly are and who I will never be in my lifetime.

Oh, and God forgive me. Oh, that’s right, I know you will, thanks. 

May God Bless Everyone! Yup, Muslims too! 

Friday, May 13, 2016

May Fever and a Blessed Day

Job 3:6 “As for that night, let darkness seize upon it; let it not be joined unto the days of the year, let it not come into the number of the months.”

Did you miss me? I didn’t think so. 

Well, last week I caught May fever and wrote posts for five days in a row cornering me into an ‘I need a break’ phase. The weather has been a pleasant 60ish to 70ish, not the unbearable 80ish I, and my body, so detest. We’ve had plenty of rain that is keeping the roads nice and muddy and the grass long and lanky one day after a mowing. 

The farming season has begun with the trucks barreling down the road, tillers tilling the fields, and the ever sneezy atmosphere of the fertilizer sprays. Did I mention the tree pollen and my neighbors' twelve-inch grass blowing in the wind? Please don’t say, “Do the neighborly thing and mow it for her,” she has a working riding mower and only mows the property that she lives in not the property (trailer) she rents and keeps as a dog house. Ahh, the life in the country that I would not trade for the world!

Today marks our one-year wedding anniversary and yes, we made it a whole year, coupled with the thirteen years that we dated. We might go out to lunch and then take in an afternoon movie. No, I will not be seeing a Marvel movie, hopefully. Somewhere I matured and am so not into superheroes. (minus my Christian Bale Batman excitement). They just wear too thin in the CGI category and no real plot to the story with hot nobodies turned into superwomen somehow. I roll my eyes half the time frustrating the man beside me who grew up a comic book fan and has to see every Marvel movie ever made!

I won’t be doing my much-loved gardening this year since I don’t have a tiller, can’t do the garden work because of my back problems, so I’m just going to let what flowers come up, appear and tend to them upon arrival.

Today is Friday the Thirteenth and while many think this is a bad luck day, I see it as a GOOD numbered day since this is the day we wed one year ago, and it is our thirteenth year of being together. I don’t believe in luck but if there is such a thing, thirteen would be my lucky number! 

Minus the 35 MPH sustained winds, all in all, it was a good day. We went to lunch at the China Buffet and had a delicious very filling meal where we came home afterward to sit and feel bloated. This little woman fills up after two plates and dessert. We stopped at a nursery on the way home and bought some Salvia for my garden. They are hardy perennials that I know will return year after year.

We wobbled home and began watching a movie called Failure to Launch, a clean, funny, romantic comedy that had me in stitches! It starred Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker. I LOVE Matthew and have only heard of Jessica; never really seen her in anything before.  Instead of spending $40 that it would take to go to a theater we saved our money and bought plants instead.

By serendipity, the weeks end happened. I say serendipity because hubby was going to ask for the two days off but when he received his schedule, his boss already had him off for two days, today and tomorrow too. See? Friday the 13th is a GOOD day! We made it an entire year! Woohoo! Okay, after spending thirteen years together I thought that was funny. 

I’ve got great friends who all gave me well wishes and it turned out to be a blessed day. Now onto another movie… You’ve Got Mail! And a full moon tonight…… *twilight zone music plays*

God Bless!

Job 41:17 “They are joined one to another, they stick together, that they cannot be sundered.”

Sunday, May 08, 2016

Poetry Sunday ~ Mother's Day

Ex. 20:12 “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”


The Christ child had a mother
Just the same as you and me.
Favored, Mary was full of Grace
The Lord is now with thee.

We all had the best mothers
To each his own be true.
Admit that Jesus had the one
That gave her Son to you. 

A mother’s seen as perfect
As we all think she should be.
Humbled, Mary’s full of Grace
Our Lord is now with thee.

A sacrificial love endures
The house becomes a home.
With mother's gentle guidance
She frees her child to roam. 

Footprints left in space and time
A mother's eternal bond
Mother Mary who’s full of grace
With love from here and beyond.

Luke 1:28-31 (KJV)
28 And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women.
29 And when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and cast in her mind what manner of salutation this should be.
30 And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favour with God.
31 And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name Jesus.

Saturday, May 07, 2016

Quotation Saturday ~ Happy Mother's Day

Exodus 20:12 “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”


“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.” 
― Washington Irving

“In a child's eyes, a mother is a goddess. She can be glorious or terrible, benevolent or filled with wrath, but she commands love either way. I am convinced that this is the greatest power in the universe.” 
― N.K. Jemisin

“My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her.” 
― George Washington

“Perhaps it takes courage to raise children..” 
― John Steinbeck

“I like it when my mother smiles. And I especially like it when I make her smile.” 
― Adriana Trigiani

“The greatest heroes in life are those that never give up on someone. They stick it out and make it work. They sacrifice things in their life, in order to help others grow. They give up what they want because someone needs it more. They work hard and overcome adversity. They fail for a moment but get back up on their feet to show others they don’t have to stay down. They show their loved ones that love is not “proved” by conformity. They teach others that having a voice is a sign of courage, and they will not stay silent to make people feel comfortable. They are fearless and will do whatever it takes to bring about the greatness in the ones they love because doing so brings them peace. Their name is---MOM.” 
― Shannon L. Alder

“Without you, there would be no me. 
I am everything reflected in your eyes. 
I am everything approved by your smile. 
I am everything born of your guidance. 
I am me only because of you.” 
― Richelle E. Goodrich

“You can't love your mother or father if you don't also have the capacity to grieve their deaths and, perhaps even more so, grieve parts of their lives.” 
― Glenn Beck

“Babies of around one-year-old are often active by day and wake frequently at night, for no obvious reason. Then a mother can feel desperate for sleep yet equally desperate to comfort her baby when he needs her at night. I have spoken to many mothers who have sacrificed their own sleep, waking up numerous times every night because their babies cried for them. It seems terrible that these hardworking women think of themselves as failures as a result. Surely a mother who has chosen to sacrifice her sleep deserves respect and admiration for her generous mothering.” 
― Naomi Stadlen, What Mothers Do: especially when it looks like nothing

“Think of your mother and smile for all of the good precious moments.” 
― Ana Monnar

“You loved me before seeing me;

You love me in all my mistakes;

You will love me for what I am.” 
― Luffina Lourduraj

“Every family is a ghost story....But behind all your stories is always your mother's story because hers is where yours begins.” 
― Mitch Albom, 

“My mother wasn’t perfect by any means but she stayed married for 60 years and endured raising six kids through tough trying times, never bailing on us. Did she love one child more than the other? My siblings all thought so but maybe after having children of their own they realize, you love each child because it is a part of you that birthed them. You love them ALL.”
~ Joni 

a pic of my mother on Easter 2016
she is 79 years young
and smiling!
<3 heaven="" in="" meet="" p="" until="" we="">

Friday, May 06, 2016

MTOC ~ Day Five Finale

Acts 18:9-11 “Then spake the Lord to Paul in the night by a vision, Be not afraid, but speak, and hold not thy peace: For I am with thee, and no man shall set on thee to hurt thee: for I have much people in this city. And he continued there a year and six months, teaching the word of God among them.”

Sometimes the truth hurts. 

It is pretty sad to watch the nation go down the tubes but it is also pretty sad to watch mankind take everything they read at face value. Remember, if they read it on the internet it MUST be true, right? 

This week I lay open MY truth, the truth of MY life and why I am who I am and just who it is you judge. Some people call me a God freak and they’d be right. I am inebriated on God. I am drowning in the love and peace of God. 

I see a nation before me who has kicked God to the curb, tossed Him out like yesterday’s news but funny thing is, man clings like a wet napkin to yesterday’s news more than they ever clung to God. 

People put more energy in their government than they ever put into God, maybe that is why the social media is lit like Times Square on New Years Eve with political memes bashing politicians, passing laws, hatred for practically everyone and everything and not giving a second thought to God the creator of this mess we call Earth.

Many people out there believe God is the creator but there are more that don’t understand how He can let this earth go to hell. You only see the bad, pick out the portions of the bible that scare you and go from there attacking anything religious in nature.

If someone posts a scripture you assume they are God freaks, if they post pictures of Angel’s you assume they are worshipping false idols. If someone posts an Obama picture you call them Libtards and if someone posts a picture of Donald Trump looking like Hitler you attack their insensitivity to humans killed by Hitler. Do you see the pattern?

The world is consumed with attacking one another for any and every single thing! It began when satan didn’t like the idea of God ruling the world and so he began attacking harshly then went on to rape (literally and figuratively) more discreetly pulling the human race into his web of deceit. 

Man is supposed to be the one on top of the food chain but seriously I see animals with more respect for their fellow species! I can see why people think that Christianity is full of hypocrisy. Native Americans had to watch the ‘religious man’ take over their land. They then became the first people discriminated against and the white man has been pushing the discriminatory agenda for centuries!

My parents grew up in an era where the black man was the low man on the totem pole. I grew up in an era where all I wanted to do was GIVE PEACE A CHANCE; morally, spiritually or ethically. Peace is a state of mind and I don’t feel that religiously peace is possible or what man wants. This era is one to shun ANYONE or ANYTHING that is different from what YOU believe in all because “the Bible says THIS” or “the Bible says THAT.” Without dissecting the bible to fit your agenda, can you say that the bible taught you to hate?

Don’t hate me for saying this but I personally feel that the many different religions are what is destroying the world. My God did not intend for the world to be full of hate. He didn’t send His Son to give a message of hate but of love and unity and we have distorted the Word from every angle we possibly can. That my friends is not God’s doing.

Yes, I am a God freak, not a religious nut. I accepted the Holy Spirit (yes, SPIRIT) to guide me in a life of love. Love my enemy as I love myself. To love my sister and brothers (yes, I still love my siblings) as God would have wanted me to in turning the other cheek. Live it! Be one with love and you will feel the peace I’ve been writing about all week. Wake up people, GIVE PEACE A CHANCE!

My testimony of Christ stands to say that *I* found God my way with all that He intended for MY life and now it is your CHOICE to choose a spiritual path or an angry riddled trail filled with gravel to hinder every barefoot step you take. I hope you’ve enjoyed my testimony and if you haven’t I have enjoyed writing and feeling an emotional healing taking place. Just so you know, I would NOT want to go back and change one single thing in my life, it made me who I am today. 

May the Grace of God be with you all!

Phil. 4:9 “Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.”

Col. 1:20 “And, having made peace through the blood of his cross, by him to reconcile all things unto himself; by him, I say, whether they be things in earth, or things in heaven.”

Rev. 6:4 “And there went out another horse that was red: and power was given to him that sat thereon to take peace from the earth, and that they should kill one another: and there was given unto him a great sword.”

Thursday, May 05, 2016

MTOC ~ Day Four: Mysteries of God

Philippians 3:13-14 (NIV)
One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

I should be dead right now. When I was three-years-old my brother and sister were pushing me on a swing when my cries to stop pushing me higher didn’t get them to stop, they continued until I jumped off the swing and flew toward the wire fence, catching my wrist and slicing it like a thanksgiving day turkey. I have the stitches to prove it. I should be dead but I lived.

You’d think that by doing all the drugs I did as a child LSD, PCP, the enormous amount of marijuana, and not to mention my overdose on alcohol would have killed me, but here I am, alive to tell about it. People like me should be dead but here’s the thing, I think God had a plan. I know many of you don’t believe in God, you don’t believe in something greater than yourself and you know why? Because you’re selfish, you think of you. I didn’t mean that to be judgmental, I meant it as an observance on MY healing.

I was not one consumed with myself, I put others before me. Sure I was a bad kid but I always thought of the other people before I thought of healing myself. I turned to God because I had heard he was a great healer and after the loss of my firstborn child (at sixteen) to stillbirth, The Holy Spirit consumed me and helped me during my grief and stayed with me to this day.

When you care for other people, which means you love, you can’t have love in you without God being in you because God IS love. Some people see it that way while others just see love as an emotion. Many religions and spiritual faiths revolve around love. Love is the center and the God of their faith, period.

As dysfunctional as my upbringing was, I never knew what Meth was or heroine, and I NEVER stuck a needle in my arm; in some form, that was my saving grace. At twenty-one years old as I started down the path of change, I watched many ‘friends’ die by making the wrong choice in life. Whether it was by an overdose, a shooting, jail, or trying to reform, death was surrounding me but yet I was alive and breaking free. I didn’t see it as scientific, I know it wasn’t ‘luck’, I never believed in coincidence, the one thing that was left was GOD. God saved me and HE guided me. 

My twenty-year marriage wasn’t ALL that bad as I seem to paint it, we had some pretty good years and the birth of a living son. It was toward the end when we started growing apart instead of growing together. I saw a future in writing. I was witnessing my growth and seeing the impact that God was having on my life. I saw my growth and healing and my ex didn’t want to grow and change for the better, he just wanted to control and obsess. 

So I wound up in Texas after giving up all of my earthly possessions. My husband gave me two weeks to get out of ‘his’ house. I took my son and saw a brighter future for him than the Baltimore streets would have ever allowed.

I had met a stranger online and for ten months we got to know one another on a spiritual level. He wasn’t a George Clooney prince coming to save me, he was more of a John Cusack silent knight in shining armor coming to my emotional rescue. My husband knew he had lost the battle to control me so he let me go and feigned defeat. 

The night before I left, Steven and I went to my sister’s for dinner and to say our goodbyes to the kids. No one showed up except my mother. My sister and I left on bitter terms because I had sat a rock on her precious oak table. I told her my Rock was the reason I had the strength to follow on a path that will lead me away. To this day, I still have the rock, the physical one AND the Spiritual Rock! 

Alone in Texas, I had to redefine myself; learn to love this stranger on what was now a physical level. It didn’t happen immediately and we had to grow to be better people and as a team WE chose God and the church (or did God choose us?) My son, Steven and I all grew together to become one family, united. Again, it was not luck, not science, no coincidence involved, it was something greater and more spiritual that drove us. 

Six growing years in Texas for me when we found a fork in the road called blindness. We had to move to Nebraska and surround ourselves with his family who could empower us to get through a very troubled time. His family is one that had God in their lives instilled early on by grandparents. The light of their ancestry shone round about us as we embarked on this journey. On April 26th, my deceased daughter Astri’s birthday, we sailed (or I drove) off to the safe haven of the Midwest.

Strength washed over us, the Church was our anchor and his family was the boat that drifted us into a safe harbor. Miraculously his sight was restored two and a half years later, prayers were answered and as we anchored ourselves to the shore, six years after we arrived in Nebraska we were united in marriage surrounded by my son and his mother. 

The mysteries of God is there for everyone to behold but again we live in a world where everyone but a few are consumed with themselves; what they can get out of the world, what the world owes them and who is to blame for nothing happening the way they planned. The Mysteries of God are unraveling before me, and the only way for me to relay the story is to fulfill my purpose and my dream and that is to WRITE. 

God Bless you ALL!

Ecc. 3:1 “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:” 

Wednesday, May 04, 2016

MTOC ~ Day Three ~ Choice

“When faced with senseless drama, spiteful criticism, misguided opinions, walking away is the best way to stand up for yourself. To respond with anger is an endorsement of their attitude.” ~ Dodinsky

I have laid my past to rest and crawled out of the darkened pit with my fingernails intact as well as my dignity. While I could have lashed out at my sister for her insensitive ignorant remarks toward me, my son and my husband, I CHOSE the higher road and continue on with my life that I have built for myself. Not with the help of any blood family members who remain anchors that weigh me down. I now look to my Spiritual family to lift me up on a daily basis. 

We ALL have a choice and while some will cling to the bitterness that shapes their life, I CHOOSE not to allow anger and bitterness to define who I am now. THAT my friends is God in me. It isn’t any scientific psychological mumbo jumbo, nope it’s that God mumbo jumbo that I keep telling people about. 

I have a friend who over reacted to something she had seen. Apparently Kirk Cameron is doing a tour giving HIS testimony of Christ. While he has the star quality that I don’t have, his words are going to be faced with pretty much the same criticism I’m faced with in my testimony. Us God people are just freaks of nature. I along with millions, and possibly billions are all wrong and all freaks of this ‘God’ we speak of. 

What did Kirk Cameron say that ticked my friend off? 

He said, "Wives are to honor and respect and follow their husband's lead, not to tell their husband how he ought to be a better husband," he says. "When each person gets their part right, regardless of how their spouse is treating them, there is hope for real change in their marriage."

She raged on, (I won’t share her entire post for privacy reasons) but this is some of what she said:

“If this is what being Christian means, then I don't want any part of it.” 

What she said, loosely, is that she heard Cameron say that women are to be servant slaves to their husband. His sister Candace said that she agreed with Kirk and is submissive to HER husband but what my friend missed was the CHOICE of the entire message. I think she missed the point that we, men AND women, are to love, honor, respect and cherish one another. Not be slaves but to honor one another.

I don’t judge her for her opinion on the matter because it is what I see as a national problem with the message that Jesus was trying to convey. People mix the Old Testament with the New Testament and make confetti of the words and dish out what suits them. They dissect the word to fit into their little world, they use the words like wet clay and try to form those words into a belief system that suits or doesn’t suit them. To ME, it looks like they’ve made an ashtray out of the Word of God.

They try going to church but again, they’re met with confetti and don’t understand what is being said. They’re looked over, gawked at and made to feel like an outsider so they flee from the church never to return. They hear people TALK about the Word of God but for some reason, they don’t SEE the word of God working in people. Is that because the Bible bearers ACTIONS are not equal to what they are saying? 

It’s a fine line sure, but also, it is a matter of CHOICE. When you look at the starry sky at night lit up like diamonds scattered on a sunny beach do you see a disorderly array of stars or do you see things like Cassiopeia, Orion or the Pleiades hiding within the astrological signs? This is the same thing when people hear the Word of God or people speak of the word of God. Others hear a disorganized message or they hear a divinely orchestrated message hidden in there. 

Last year when my dad passed away, I couldn’t make it back home and it gripped me for months, the guilt, the hurt, the suffering pangs I felt. My sister in her obvious dislike for me (I’m not going to pretend otherwise) had said, “Well YOU made the choice to leave here!” I rightfully said, “Yes, yes I did, I chose LIFE over death.”

I had suffered back home and nearly lost my life on more occasions than one, so leaving my husband WAS a choice of mine, a CHOICE of survival. Those people enslaved me and kept me bound by their misfit whims of dysfunction and I just assumed that that is how life was supposed to be. I prayed often for deliverance from the hell I was entombed in. 

It wasn’t until I found freedom in the land of Texas was I able to see the outside world and after months of suffering anxiety attacks nightly, running off hyperventilating on the dark streets of Texas, I slowly got a grip on what reality looked like. My years and years of prayers were finally answered; I was free from enslavement. 

God put me on a path and only because my choice was Him did my world start to turn around and I saw the light of day. When I tell people of Christ, it isn’t from a high and mighty pedestal, it isn’t from a wealthy sculpted upbringing, it isn’t from being shaped by a defective family, no, it is from a woman who CHOSE God over living to the conformity of man. Yes, the same men who wrote the Holy Bible, Old and New Testaments. 

I live for the mysteries of God. You’re right people, the Bible is a bunch  of words, supposedly the divine intervention of God Himself, but it isn’t until you CHOOSE the Holy Spirit to live IN you will you ever grasp the meaning of one word or message from the Holy Bible. 

Acts 15:7 “And when there had been much disputing, Peter rose up, and said unto them, Men and brethren, ye know how that a good while ago God made choice among us, that the Gentiles by my mouth should hear the word of the gospel, and believe.”

Sunshine Award

Sunshine award