Monday, September 26, 2016

Follow Me


Prov. 1:16 “For their feet run to evil, and make haste to shed blood.”

On my blog I have a follow button, over there to your left, you see it? I had 114 followers but google changed some things around and people have to have a google account to follow me, so fourteen of my followers went to the wayside. They were not google followers.

You know, Jesus asked people to follow him and while I don’t concern myself as much focusing on His followers, I’d like to reach out to the non-followers and ask them to join me in a walk. A walk that many followers have tread. Some have fallen; I myself have staggered quite a few times trudging up the mountain but a beautiful Light always pulled me back.

Mark 8:34 “And when he had called the people unto him with his disciples also, he said unto them, Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.”

I know comparing my loss of followers to Jesus’ loss of followers is stretching it but bear with me on this one. I wonder if Jesus concerned Himself with the loss of followers or did he just go on with his ministry turning a blind eye to those sheep that strayed. Did he not concern himself with the straying sheep and was only concerned with his close followers? I myself don’t think so.

Did He want you to worry about YOU or did he want you to care and nurture your straying neighbor? To me that’s kind of like seeing a man beating a woman and saying, hey it’s none of my business, I could get myself killed if I intervene. I know, another stretch of the imagination, but you get me meaning. Do we ignore what is in front of our eyes or just worry about ourselves?

1 Cor. 1:10 “Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.”

Here’s the problem ‘I’ have, too many people saying too much differently. Preachers saying this, followers saying that and sometimes they’re not in agreement and that’s what causes division among men. Sometimes people map out their own words that sure sound good but is it sound doctrine? I DO concern myself with sound doctrine and I DO focus on sound doctrine. 

I personally read the King James Version of the bible and I don’t even know if this is the truest of translations, what with all the talk of the apocryphal books (not divine words from God) being put in, kept out, kept hidden. The truth is this, God hides nothing. 

Doesn’t that separate us? Does it bring us together in the same mind? Not if one person interprets the Word differently. It looks to me to be a major problem, everyone seeing what they want to see and doing what they want where the bible is concerned. Me I’m just trying to interpret what the bible means to ME and if following the lost herd of sheep is a direction, I am not going that way. If my words mean something to you, that is all well and good.

If you’re just discovering God, then you too will be pulled in many directions. I don’t think ministers and pastors mean for it to happen, it just happens but it also leaves you confused with what and who to follow.

Eph. 4:14-15  “That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:”

My focus is on the truth. God is my truth and you, no matter what, need to discern what the truth is to you. As I find healing in my written words because I am being led by the Word of God and all of the fragrances of truth that tickle my nose leave ME feeling complete and whole. You can follow me and my blog, but I’d much rather you seek the truth and follow Him. 

John 14:6 “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.”

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Quotation Saturday


Eph. 4:18 “Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart:”


NEGATIVE

“Save your skin from the corrosive acids from the mouths of toxic people. Someone who just helped you to speak evil about another person can later help another person to speak evil about you.” 
― Israelmore Ayivor

“Bloodshed begets bloodshed. Hatred begits hatred.” 
― Hiromu Arakawa

“Thoughts are like an open ocean, they can either move you forward within its waves, or sink you under deep into its abyss.”
― Anthony Liccione

“Beware of those who are bitter, for they will never allow you to enjoy your fruit.” 
― Suzy Kassem

POSITIVE

“When you are joyful, when you say yes to life and have fun and project positivity all around you, you become a sun in the center of every constellation, and people want to be near you.” 
― Shannon L. Alder

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.” 
― Ashley Smith

“Do not dilute the truth of your potential. We often convince ourselves that we cannot change, that we cannot overcome the circumstances of our lives. That is simply not true. You have been blessed with immeasurable power to make positive changes in your life. But you can't just wish it, you can't just hope it, you can't just want it... you have to LIVE it, BE it, DO it.” 
― Steve Maraboli,

“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity.” 
― Roy Bennett

IGNORANCE

“Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.” 
― Eoin Colfer

“Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.” 
― Martin Luther King Jr.

“The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge.” 
― Daniel J. Boorstin

“You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant.” 
― Harlan Ellison

TOLERANCE

“Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the wrong. Sometime in life you will have been all of these.” 
― Lloyd Shearer

“It's an universal law-- intolerance is the first sign of an inadequate education. An ill-educated person behaves with arrogant impatience, whereas truly profound education breeds humility.” 
― Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

“Laws alone can not secure freedom of expression; in order that every man present his views without penalty there must be spirit of tolerance in the entire population.” 
― Albert Einstein

“Don't be in a hurry to condemn because he doesn't do what you do or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today.” 
― Malcolm X

Friday, September 23, 2016

Light In The Dark

Outside my back door!

Pss. 1:1-2  "Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.

Light in the Dark

Well, I’m taking a much needed break from the internet activities that had absorbed my world. Hey, I’ve even gotten some cleaning done in the process. It’s pretty amazing what happens when you prioritize your time and eliminate the Black Hole of negativity that tries to consume you on every click. 

I’m still here writing! There is no Black Hole that can take that away from me because basically, it is my medicine to get all the dark out and let the light into my world. I’m trying to be a light in the dark and while some might see me as a self-righteous snob others see me as the inspirational message that they might need to hear on any given day. 

I need to say this in my own defense of my recent ramblings. If there is a person out there reading my words and thinks I’m speaking about them directly and their lives then you need to do a deep soul searching to find the reason you feel that I’m speaking about you in particular.

When there are hundreds or thousands, possibly millions of people on the same conscious stream, meaning everyone thinking alike, you are bound to think I am targeting you in general. That’s what a writer does without pinpointing one person.  We write about the collective whole and finding the vein that pulsates from your weakness. And technically, that is what it is, a weakness you have embraced and not healed from within yourself. 

We all hold a light force deep within us but many allow the black hole of a negative society to own them. The light cannot and will not shine no matter how much you fake the you that you display to the world. There is a healing place and the only one that I’ve found for myself is not from friends or family, because sometimes they are transmitters of negativity and if anyone knows my family, you would say, run for your life child. 

No, my healing place is meditation on the Word. I find positive energy in the Light and love of the Psalms and Proverbs. Yes the entire bible is to be read (Old and New Testament) but to actually find the light force, you need to meditate on the positive elements, not the chronological aspects that might leave you with questions, bewilderment, a need for proof and more answers. 

There’s a healing place that is not meant to be hidden in the bible, but so many get lost with the metaphors or timeline of events and the shroud of darkness that is in the Bible; elements of incest, rape, and murder. They get lost trying to figure it all out when the Bible was meant to be a tool for you to build or rebuild the life you have before you.

Do you think it was coincidence that the chosen ones were sinners among men? Do you think that Joseph, the carpenter, wasn’t some form of symbolism of the life we are to build in Christ? The bible is heavy laden with metaphors and symbolism and God asks us not to get tied up with dissecting them but to hear the word, live the word and build your life around the word. Then and only then will you emit a Light that no dark hole can ever swallow and penetrate. 

As I watch a dark hole swallow up the people in society, I want to reach right in and grab them before they get pulled so far into the hole that they can never get out. You can and WILL lose the battle because the oxygen sustaining life will be sucked right out of you and there is no turning back.

I apologize to anyone whom my words hurt, if any. I write to make you (people in general) aware of the fine line between right and wrong. Yes, I’m a sinner and get tugged on more occasions than I care to mention but I fight, fists first to win a battle of good and evil, for me, good always wins! It’s the optimist in me. I will always see the Light in the dark and BE the light in the dark times. 

Praise be to God!

Joel 1: 15-20 “Alas for the day! for the day of the LORD is at hand, and as a destruction from the Almighty shall it come. 
Is not the meat cut off before our eyes, yea, joy and gladness from the house of our God? The seed is rotten under their clods, the garners are laid desolate, the barns are broken down; for the corn is withered. How do the beasts groan! the herds of cattle are perplexed, because they have no pasture; yea, the flocks of sheep are made desolate.
O LORD, to thee will I cry: for the fire hath devoured the pastures of the wilderness, and the flame hath burned all the trees of the field.
The beasts of the field cry also unto thee: for the rivers of waters are dried up, and the fire hath devoured the pastures of the wilderness.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Shining Star


Rom. 2:5-6  “But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God’s wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. God “will repay each person according to what they have done.”

Shining Star

I go out back of my house on any given night to look at the expansive sky. I see a massive amount of stars shining like diamonds glistening in the sand. I live out in the middle of nowhere so my world out here is blanketed in a crisp clear view of the cosmos.

Dark matter tries to swallow the big exploding balls of gas but it doesn’t always win in the destruction of the beautiful force of light. This is how I see life nowadays. I see streams of light trying to hide from the dark matter but there is a Black Hole that people seem to live in shedding off all their matter in the cosmos and drowning out the shining stars.

“A Black Hole is defined as a region of spacetime from which extremely strong gravity prevents anything, including light, from escaping. We know that matter falling into black holes is no different from the matter which can be found lurking around the rest of the Universe.”

This is what earth has become; the inhabitants are like a Black Hole failing to let any light escape because I believe the earthlings are here to deplete the living of any oxygen. And sadly, they are okay with this mass destruction. Thank you political aficionados of the world. You have destroyed any chance of survival and if you foolishly think ‘not in my lifetime, kiddo’, you are sadly mistaken.

You know, the problem arises when I try to post a news source, it doesn’t fit your PC worldview. Is it left, is it right? Either way, it is going to be deemed wrong. If I say UP you say down, if I say Light, you say Dark and the world spins and spins by this widely accepted rhetoric and I truly want off this merry-go-round.

FACT: Really read this from NASA!!!

“A black hole is a place in space where gravity pulls so much that even light can not get out. The gravity is so strong because matter has been squeezed into a tiny space. This can happen when a star is dying.

Because no light can get out, people can't see black holes. They are invisible. Space telescopes with special tools can help find black holes. The special tools can see how stars that are very close to black holes act differently than other stars.”

From ME: Humanity is a Black Hole, a place where negativity pulls on the human psyche so much that it doesn’t allow a morsel of light to shine from within. Because the Light is buried deep in the depths of you, it can’t get out. People would need all six of their senses to really see this Black Soul but know, when people are fed your negative vibrations they begin to act differently (you fill them with hate) than the ones who are REALLY Shining Stars in the world, emitting light and making it through far away from the Black holes of space. 

I can’t be a part of your vortex of hate.  You [society as a whole] say just live life to the fullest! Laugh, drink and be merry. Life is too short to be anything else. This sounds all well and good but how on earth can you live life and be merry when you know the world is going to deplete you of oxygen and you’re going to stop breathing and become a rotted corpse sunk into the earth?  

Oh wait a minute, you have a getaway ticket to the Castles in the sky with a doorway to Heaven open to YOU because you are just so special! You did absolutely nothing to obtain the ticket, you just know your thoughts are going to carry you away into a space after your last breath is taken away from you on this planet.

I read a facebook page called, Too Young to Die, someone from back in Baltimore started the page and people go there announcing who in the ‘neighborhood’ died. They utter words like, “Now they’re angels in heaven, sitting around with [such and such] drinking all the brew they can.” Talk about an oxymoron! Heaven + beer, the only time I heard the two together was in a song ‘In heaven there is no beer, that’s why we drink it here.’ Sad isn’t it?

What a warped image people have of Heaven. Druggies actually think they’re going to heaven to continue in their drug addiction (or beer, or wine) but no, my image of heaven is not one of drugs and people sitting around a big party. That’s like saying in heaven Mother Teresa is sitting there beside Hitler. Think about it, or not, just live life to the fullest and worry about heaven when you get there, or seconds before your last breath.

I know, people are wondering why I’m thinking about heaven. Well, to be honest, I’ve always thought of heaven, maybe that is why my faith grew and grew because heaven was always on my mind, getting there or not getting there. Would I be accepted or shunned? Would I be laughed at or welcomed? Would I ascend or descend?

Maybe the longer I steer clear of the toxic people who show their TRUE colors that no one wants to see, maybe then I’ll be able to put the shine back in my posts and allow the shining star that I know I am on the inside to break through the black hole of society.

While they can play with their faith, play the good guy then the bad guy, then bask in hate and anger and vengeance maybe the world will see what they are doing. I feel I’m alone in this stardust. We’ll see after I give myself more time to heal from this fiasco of a world. I WILL come out SHINING and still love myself when I look in the mirror. 

Isaiah 61:10 “I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for he hath clothed me with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decketh himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorneth herself with her jewels.”

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

A Break... I'm Not Clay

Pss. 38:10 “My heart panteth, my strength faileth me: as for the light of mine eyes, it also is gone from me.”

A Break… I’m Not Clay

It is with great distress that I need to announce a break. Whether physically or mentally I know myself too well to stick around to watch the hellfires consume the people I love. I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart who has inspired me to continue writing. This year has been an active place of healing for me, and I thank you with love.

You’ve told me over and over again how I lift your spirits, how you love my honest writing, how it is I that inspires YOU when it is some of you that inspires ME! I look for that inspiration every day in my life but don’t always find it where I look. Am I looking in the wrong places? Apparently yes. 

Facebook is becoming a desert, a desolate place where vultures linger and seek to suck every bit of life out of one living cactus. I’m a very sensitive person to the point the tiniest pinprick causes me to burst in a way I’m not accustomed to. Sorry, I don’t play your little games of ‘popularity’. Games, that’s all it is behind your mask. Well, I’m not clay, you’re not going to shape me into a hater, racist pig. I see people thinking they’re helping by spreading hate but they are a part of the demolition crew that is destroying this world.

Whether it is in YouTube comments or Yahoo comments or on Facebook, the vultures feed off of the sensitivity and I cringe when I hear/read the battle cry of joy when they’ve doused the light of the one shining brightness in a darkened world. They enjoy seeing people in pain. It is some kind of sickness that they embrace and I totally need to step away, to breathe.

A reality hit me last week when I had the pleasure of listening to this tiny little twelve-year-old, Grace VanderWaal, sing her heart out. 

One of her songs went like this:
I don’t know my name
I don’t play by the rules of the game
So you say I’m just trying
Just trying… to find my way.

Another of her songs Clay was one of my favorites. It touched me in a place that not many long time experienced writers touch me and here was this little girl, thinking she couldn’t sing, taking the world by storm and marking her spot in history. The elite vultures are going to devour her and place the obstacles of fame and popularity on her doorstep and while she has loving parents to protect her, they can only do so much.

“Your silly words
I won't live inside your world 
Cause your punches and your names
All your jokes and stupid games
They don't hurt
No they don't hurt
Watch them just go right through me
Because they mean nothing to me

I'm not clay” 
~ 12-year-old singer/songwriter Grace VanderWaal lyrics 

Like me wanting to protect people from their harsh reality of prejudice, racism, bigotry and hypocritville, people fall victim day in and day out and there is no protector. Sure they claim they have God as a protector, but too many times I see them as food for the vultures more than I see the Living God in them. They are being devoured and I have a weak stomach for mangled flesh.

Yesterday my stomach churned as if I was on the Zipper at the fair. I watched a good movie but it wasn’t enough to help relieve the motion sickness I felt in my stomach for mankind. Satan is trying to attack me from every angle whether it is my son (who will be out of his new job in two months due to the store closing down) or my love of nature; my ceramic birdbath fell yesterday cracking like a clay vase falling from the thirteenth floor with irreparable damage. Then there is the loss of respect for friends I once admired and looked up to as they slither in the snake pit, now I only see a darkness shrouding their beings. It’s all too much for me to bear and TRY to be a positive light in these dark and solemn times. I need to re-energize.

Maybe a break will help. Maybe I’ll unplug the computer completely and just vanish in an air of shrouded mystery. Maybe a day or two will be enough or maybe I need more time, only time will tell, eh? I need to breathe and only my commitments will stay while I take a step back from virtual reality. It’s not and never was a nice fit for me. TO ME, the virtual world is a huge department store on Black Friday filled to capacity with nude mannequins. I see a human off in the distance but I’ll never reach them because the mannequins will topple on top of me and smother me to death.

When I feel the anger and negativity start to boil over like water left on the stove, and I begin to lash out with hatred in my veins I know it’s time for me to get away from that which sickens me. I won’t be molded and formed into the hate-filled people that seem to run the virtual society. People are vicious and they hold no shame. Me, I’m ashamed of this place. I need to breathe because I’m NOT CLAY!

Author's note: *
*sorry Mike, I tried to see the good in a damned world. 
* I'll continue writing, bookmark my blog 

Deuteronomy 31:6 KJV 
Be strong and of a good courage, 
fear not, nor be afraid of them: 
for the LORD thy God, 
he it is that doth go with thee; 
he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Quotation Saturday ~ Family

Quotation Saturday

FAMILY

“All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.” 
― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

“When God Created Mothers"

When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel appeared and said. "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one." 

And God said, "Have you read the specs on this order?" She has to be completely washable, but not plastic. Have 180 moveable parts...all replaceable. Run on black coffee and leftovers. Have a lap that disappears when she stands up. A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair. And six pairs of hands." 

The angel shook her head slowly and said. "Six pairs of hands.... no way." 

It's not the hands that are causing me problems," God remarked, "it's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have." 

That's on the standard model?" asked the angel. God nodded. 

One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, 'What are you kids doing in there?' when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say. 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word." 

God," said the angel touching his sleeve gently, "Get some rest tomorrow...." 

I can't," said God, "I'm so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick...can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger...and can get a nine-year-old to stand under a shower." 

The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. "It's too soft," she sighed. 

But tough!" said God excitedly. "You can imagine what this mother can do or endure." 

Can it think?" 

Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise," said the Creator. 

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. 

There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model." 

It's not a leak," said the Lord, "It's a tear." 

What's it for?" 

It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride." 

You are a genius, " said the angel. 

Somberly, God said, "I didn't put it there.” 

― Erma Bombeck, When God Created Mothers

“You must remember, family is often born of blood, but it doesn't depend on blood. Nor is it exclusive of friendship. Family members can be your best friends, you know. And best friends, whether or not they are related to you, can be your family.” 
― Trenton Lee Stewart

“Unfortunately, some family members are so psychotic that no matter how hard you try to forge a healthy relationship, nothing will help. Now that you're an adult, take refuge in the fact that some things are beyond your control. You owe it to yourself to steer clear of people who are harmful to your health.” 
― Andrea Lavinthal

“This, after all, was the month in which families began tightening and closing and sealing; from Thanksgiving to the New Year, everybody's world contracted, day by day, into the microcosmic single festive household, each with its own rituals and obsessions, rules and dreams. You didn't feel you could call people. They didn't feel they could phone you. How does one cry for help from these seasonal prisons?” 
― Zadie Smith,

DYSFUNCTIONAL

“It's my opinion, with some people, just knowing they are alone, living inside of their own miserable, self hating, dysfunctional mind, with their own immature, insecure, self pitying self is its own revenge. Their existence is their karma.” 
― Colleen Truscott Fry

“This is what we desire in intimate relationships but this deep connection is often so frightful that most do not take advantage of the opportunities presented for honesty.” 
― David W. Earle

“The dysfunction we are facing cuts deep into our social and moral values. Solutions are plentiful, but responsible co-creation is not (yet). We can no longer solve the many challenges by simply coming up with quick fixes. What we require is a transition in the way we co-create and experience reality. To step on the path of recovery and growth, we must establish clear and definitive objectives: 

- Institute effective and righteous democratic processes;
- Hold politicians, governments, and corporate entities, in particular, the financial sector and the media responsible to society;
- Reduce global inequality and improve collaboration;
- Improve relations and trust between various nations and groups;
- Simplify legislation and invest in a holistic education for all;
- Raise the value of righteous behavior and lessen the importance of material wealth.

To achieve this we don’t need a revolution, we need responsible evolution! There is only one path that leads to long-term prosperity: the path of truth. It doesn’t demand responsibility; it embodies it.” 
― Joseph Rain


Friday, September 16, 2016

The Truth Hurts

Gen.1:1 “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.”

The Truth Hurts

Well, yesterday was a good day even with summer rearing its ugly head to let me know it hasn’t gone too far away. Sometimes summer does that, it holds onto the season until the very last day and sometimes longer not wanting to let go and release the cooler temperatures of autumn!

After a quite refreshing couple of days in the fifties, eighty degrees raised the bar yesterday. Sure I stayed inside and did my work but I could feel the warmth tapping on the closed windows wanting to heat the house. Then last night we had a thunderstorm that washed away the heat in a light show beyond comparison. Flashing across the sky, lightning lit up the south, west and northern portions of the sky, the strobe light blinked in red and bluish hues. 

You could say I got a wake-up call yesterday in speaking the truth, right or wrong? I called my mother like I normally do at the same time every evening. I was in a relaxed mode as we had settled in to watch our movie but I pause the movie every evening to call my mother back home.

I could sense harshness in her tone but I shrugged it off as the conversation continued. She had said that she had a bad day, I knew what that meant but I prodded for more info and maybe I should have just ended the call by saying maybe a better day tomorrow but  it’s my mother, I needed to know if she was okay. 

A little back-story might help you with where I’m going with this. My mother lost her best friend, her husband of sixty years and she misses him intensely! A bad day means she just sits there thinking about him, his illness, his hospital stay, and most heart-wrenchingly, his death. As is to be expected, she has her good days and her bad days.

It hurts me to no end that I can’t be there for her but my calls have got to be enough at this juncture in my life and MY healing. She went on how my sister took her out to lunch and a little shopping. I know it’s good for her to get out and that is her healing mechanism, to shop. It always has been.

She told me about a book she read (this is where the conversation went downhill) about a young boy who died and went to heaven and came back and told this story of meeting Jesus in heaven and his deceased sister (that he had no knowledge of before the coma). The story Heaven Is for Real is the book she was referring to. 

She went on to tell me that because of THAT book she believes Heaven is for real and that ‘I’ should read the book to see for myself. I told her I READ a book that tells me heaven is for real called The Holy Bible. She retorted, “Oh, I’m going to read that one too.”

But then her tone became one of anger and she started berating me, “Why do you always have a conflicting response? Everything I say, you always try to correct me!”

Calmly I spoke and said, “I think I need to call you tomorrow.” I was not going to allow her bad day to leak through the phone and cause ME to have a bad day (too late) also. It already had in ways you don’t want to know. 

Was I wrong in telling her the truth? Should I let her believe Jesus is up there with a rainbow crown prancing with unicorns? Was I wrong in directing her to the bible? Should I let my mother holler at me like a two-year-old because she is grieving? I did and ended the call and afterward, I cried.

I told my son what had happened because he had overheard me, after talking to my mother, very loudly vocalizing my hurt from the phone call and then suffering a chest-tightening anxiety attack. 

His response? “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” 

Yeah, I spat that at him more times than once, now it was his turn to fling those sentiments at me. Boy, I'm batting a thousand in the feel good vibes!

I explained to him that I respect our difference in beliefs; I don’t force my belief on him, I already lost that battle and he is his own person believing what he wants. But no one wants to respect MY beliefs. So now here I am…

Tears roll down my cheek as I wonder if all of this is in vain. Am I writing the truth, yes I know it is MY truth, to believers or non-believers? Do the non-believers think I’m an overbearing, pompous, bible thumping donkey? Do believers believe the same truth? Prayer…lots of prayer time for ME coming up in the following weeks, I’ll let you know how it turns out.

I know grief has no time limit. I understand the mourning process. I have lost all four grandparents (not the same as a husband), I’ve lost two children (not the same as a husband), I’ve lost a father, along with aunts and uncles to illness or suicide (not the same as a husband); so maybe I don’t understand my mothers’ grief. Maybe it IS normal for her to buy my father's cologne so she can inhale the fragrance he once wore. 

I don’t understand the loss of a husband and truly hope I don’t have to ever cross that bridge but one thing I AM certain of is Heaven, FOR ME! I’m not certain if my father is there, I don’t know if my mother will wind up there, I don’t even know if I’M going to end up there but… I DO KNOW HEAVEN IS THERE! I will strive to reach heaven, long for it, and always feel it within my grasp. 

Maybe I should just shut my mouth and stop my fingers now.

Matt. 18:3 “And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven."

Sunshine Award

Sunshine award