Wednesday, February 22, 2017

My Doctor Visit

Pss. 6:2 “Have mercy upon me, O LORD; for I am weak: O LORD, heal me; for my bones are vexed.”

My Doctor Visit

Yesterday, many of you know I visited with my General Practitioner (GP from here on out). It was all that I expected from a doctor who actually cares about her patient and she didn’t let me down. 

I didn’t wait long in the nearly empty office that is usually bustling and as my name was called my heart raced a bit. Of course, my mind thinks good things but there is always that one little part that we all have that wonders what this visit will bring. 

I stepped on the dreaded scale in anticipation of what my forced diet would bring and to my surprise; I lost seven pounds in three - four weeks. That’s normal since I’ve had no carbs, no sugar, no meat and no dairy and a gallon of purified water a day. I’m an herbivore these days and it is paying off with energy, life, stamina, and peace.

The doctor came in and we talked. We talked about not doing chemo, and doing chemo, we talked about my illness and what I’m currently doing with my diet and exercise. She and the assistant were impressed that in four weeks (since I saw her last) I had changed so much!

She’d really like me to do chemo. It wasn’t the pressure I felt from the oncologist this was a subtle conversation between doctor/patient with eye to eye contact and compassion. I understood everything she said. I told her about the bad experience with the onc. and that we just didn’t click and I in no way said I ‘wasn’t committing’, I said I needed time!

She did say right off that my Breast Cancer doctor (remember, they’re colleagues/friends) had told her to keep an eye on me. That was the honesty I seek in a doctor, not an evasive reply. She offered that, I didn’t ask. I knew, but I still didn’t ask. That was her fifth or tenth brownie point in my eyes. 

She asked if I’d like to see another oncologist and I said YES, I’m not NOT committing, I need time to gather all the information I can. Her honesty showed again when she said, “I’m not a specialist in the field of oncology and that is who you really need to see to explain it more.” Monday the 27th, I’ll visit the new oncologist. He may also recommend a PET scan and I’m thinking, radiation and all, it might be for the best to know if the disease is spreading. I welcome your positive thoughts! Positive only!

We talked like old friends yet this was only my second time seeing her. She went on to tell me that this is a very successfully treated type of BC and that they have made great strides in treatment. Still only chemo treatments, but this time I was actually listening because she was actually taking the time to come down to my level, not putting on airs and putting herself above me.

She told me that all I’m doing with the vitamins and diet would only enhance the success of the chemo treatment and not hurt, I’d have to ask the new onc., but she was pretty sure. She said my mind, and my positive outlook can only be a good thing. Too many people go into this with, like I said before, that cancer is a ‘death sentence’.

She was also honest about the holistic healing. I asked why doctors don’t know about these things that can save lives and she made sense in her reply where the oncologist just brushed me off. This doctor said because most holistic remedies haven’t been studied long enough yet or are still in the testing stages and as a doctor, she can only offer what is within her realm of treatment. Chemotherapy is tried and true. I got it, it made sense to me, I understood where the medical community was coming from. 

What we talked about didn’t change my mind on getting chemo but it did give me something to think about. Yes, we even talked about the bad side effects of chemo, and she sided with there is more good than bad and I’m sticking with there is more bad than good, for now. 

Ezek. 34:4 “The diseased have ye not strengthened, neither have ye healed that which was sick, neither have ye bound up that which was broken, neither have ye brought again that which was driven away, neither have ye sought that which was lost; but with force and with cruelty have ye ruled them.” (sounds like chemo - TO ME)

I live in a state where the next oncologist available is forty miles away. Remember, when my hubby needed a cornea transplant the only place in the STATE is three and a half hours away. I grew up in a tiny little state, where there were MANY top-notch hospitals available within miles of each other, University of Maryland and Johns Hopkins just to name two. And out here they have nothing but cows and farmland in such a BIG state; nothing innovative to write home about here. 

Nebraskans seem offended when I say stuff like that but I’m not saying it to offend anyone, I’m just AMAZED, in the twenty-first century, that the nearest airport is (besides those tiny plane ones) is over an hour away and oncologists are separated by forty miles or more!

THIS is the reason I’m doing more research. THIS is the reason I NEED to do more research. I can’t just up and move to a new state so I HAVE to take what is offered me here but *I* feel more in control when I can make the decision on my own and not be forced into something I don’t believe. I feel like they are trying to brainwash me and have me join their cult of beliefs, but now, I have more understanding of where they are coming from with this GP visit.

I’m continuing on my journey, I’m trying to remain positive and also trying to rid ANYTHING I deem as negative out of my life. I’ve done this spiritual cleansing many times over my life but now I need to put to use all I’ve learned. On we go, my friends! I’m so glad I have you along for the ride, this is one mountain climbing excursion that I’m glad to not be on alone. I can’t thank you all enough but remember where I FEEL the love, my prayers bounce back to YOU! Win/win guys…now journey on! 

Gen. 24:21 “And the man wondering at her held his peace, to wit whether the LORD had made his journey prosperous or not.”

Monday, February 20, 2017

Beating Cancer: One Day at a Time

Jer. 17:14 “Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise.”

You Are What You Eat

I think I’m officially a fruitivore, a term I stole from Dr. Morse. I’ve never looked at so many cancer-fighting videos/pages in my life, and more than likely, neither have you. Why, because cancer equals death in many a mind. We’ve been conditioned to believe that cancer is a death sentence, not a second chance to change your lifestyle and eating habits.

Many people hear the word cancer from their doctor and right beside those terms are chemotherapy and radiation treatments. They NEVER suggest a second option or even a possibility of a second option. They themselves have been conditioned, trained, to tell you that chemo is the only way to go and rarely will you find an oncologist that will render ‘other’ options.

You hear those words cancer/chemo and you allow fear to help you make the decision only because you yourself have believed all along that cancer equals death. Did you know that cancer is a billion dollar industry? That’s right folks, along with the pharmaceutical corporations, your cancer is right up there with the biggest money making ‘industry’.  

Doctor’s are not trained to tell you of other option and the only reason is because that is money lost, out the door, not in their pocket! They prescribe meds like a corner candy store and we the people assume they are right because well, that’s what we believe. After being told over a lifetime that doctors know what’s best for us, we begin to believe it and think ourselves less knowledgeable because we don’t hold a diploma from the medical field.

Never before in time has there been so much access to knowledge. Doc’s will say, you can’t believe EVERYTHING you read on the internet, this is true, but as a writer, I don’t take the first lie/truth as concrete, I dig and dig and find multiple places where these facts are. It’s called research! 

Some people are so quick to believe something they just read, they post it on social media without doing a little digging to see if it is the truth! Last year's election proved that lies are not concrete truth! And you know what else, you look like a sucker when you believed all the lies all along. 

That is exactly what is happening with the cancer industry. By the way, how does the term ‘cancer industry’ sound to you? To ME it sounds like I’m being taken for a ride because I have a disease that doctor’s use to make their money. Imagine if everybody sought out alternative treatment, these doctors would monetarily be in a heap of trouble. I imagine their caviar consumption would go down quickly.

Now let me tell you, had my oncologist told me if I don’t get chemo I’d die in six months, I might have jumped at the chemo just because I don’t want to die. It would have been a nice fear tactic and one I might have bought. Forget about all the people leaving this earth at the hands of chemo. But no, the oncologist didn’t tell me that and kind of brushed me off when I mentioned holistic healing as if my body, my disease was not a choice that I’m ALLOWED to decide on how to handle treatment. My instincts told me I was being swindled and I usually listen to my GUT INSTINCTS! 

What am I doing to heal myself? MASSIVELY changing my diet for one.
Every body is different and what works for some, may not work for others. With that in mind my research has led me all over the place in three weeks and what is working for me, is the massive change and added supplements to my diet. I could use more supplements but as I said the other day, no money, no more supplements than what I already have. And this is a two- year program to be completely rid of cancer.

Yesterday I listed all of the supplements I’m taking (yesterday I added a garlic tablet) although I eat gobs of garlic, I still felt I needed more. I’ve modified the diet I’m on to suit ME and the funds I have to spare on it, otherwise, this is all for naught and I might as well go the chemo route and die. 

You see, to ME, chemo is a death sentence, not cancer. Someone said to me something like, “If all that you need is hoity-toity supplements and change your diet, wouldn’t you hear about it more and of the survivors?” You know what I have to say to that? Did you have any idea Trump was going to become President of the United States? No? WHY? Because we are only told what the media and press WANT you to hear! Repeat after me, A BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY!

There are thousands of people out here surviving cancer WITHOUT chemo! Chris Beat Cancer was in stage four! He’s alive twelve years after skipping chemo. There are testimonies all over the internet that support the non-chemo route but you WILL NOT hear about them because the billion dollars they’re making on cancer would collapse and go bankrupt! They can’t allow that now can they? 

I’m going to do a You Are What You Eat series and take you on the journey of what I eat daily. This is just the beginning and this diet is a ninety-day process to see massive change! Three months to know if the cancer is going out the door or whether it is growing and spreading. I think six months of continued therapy MY way will tell me more. It is MY life, MY body and I control what is going to happen. Along with God, my greatest champion, I will either fail or succeed.  If my doctor says something on Tuesday that will change my course of action, then I’ll let you know. Continued prayers as I journey through this.

Jer. 30:17 “For I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee of thy wounds, saith the LORD; because they called thee an Outcast, saying, This is Zion, whom no man seeketh after.”

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Where Do The Funds Go?

Ecc.3:3 “A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;”

Where Do The Funds Go

I’m sure you’re wondering, why donate? Well, let me tell you. Any money you send me is going directly to food that I can’t afford on an income of Social Security. I myself cannot get SS disability because the only jobs I’ve ever had were taking care of the elderly, cleaning houses for meager pennies, so I have zero put into SS so I can receive nothing! Hubby is disabled and yes, he's worked all of his life to be able to receive the meager S.S. payment and few hours a week allowed by our lovely government. So where does that leave penniless cancer patients? In the cold, that's where!

Here’s the thing, when I was younger I gave my life over to God. I didn’t go halfway in I went all in. I always walked differently than any fellow walkers of God that I knew. When He says own nothing, I basically took that literal and to this day I own NOTHING. I always said that God will provide and sustain me and at times it has been hard driving that into people but God has NEVER let me down. God has and will continue to provide for me even now, whether you donate or not. 

Just like now, I have no money to beat cancer. I don’t have a savings account, fancy cars, I don’t own a home, we rent this little house out here on a rundown Turkey Ranch. Am I ashamed or embarrassed? Not at all, this was provided by God so why would I be ashamed? I wrote about it a few years ago. 

I totally get that people work hard all of their life for nice fancy stuff, big fancy house, top of the line vehicles, all the best of clothing, but that is who you are not who I am. I own nothing but own everything, to me. I have a roof over my head, I have all I need and have never lived to own all the things that I might someday WANT. I’m content on living, NOW!

So why beg for money if God can provide everything for me? Sometimes God uses people and their illness to bring out the true colors in people. We’re living in times where we don’t have time to hoard all of our riches and stow away our valuables, they ARE NOT GOING WITH YOU. Point blank, your materials will be dust in the earth.

When you see a homeless man on the corner and you drop him a dollar, that is a million bucks to him! To you, it is chump change but to him it is sustenance. That’s why I’m out here begging for money, so I can add a couple more years to my life to do God’s work. 

I need to be on this no carb, no sugar, no dairy diet for at least two years for it to beat the cancerous cells lurking inside of me. Add to that my dietary supplements and it’s going to be a costly journey. One that I’m taking you on with me and hopefully changing some peoples lives along the way. I’m a pioneer of sorts, showing you the way to adding years to your life. I’m going to take what I’m learning and pass it on to you and it will be a much cheaper solution than all that is offered out there because let's face it, you don’t have the money either.

A fruit and vegetable diet is costly especially if you go organic to keep all of the chemicals out of your system that feeds the cancer cells. When you help me, you’re helping every single person who is changed by what I’m writing. Just like when you hand a homeless person money, that money goes to a proprietor, who pays his employees, who has that job to feed THEIR families. So when you help one, you’re really helping many. Think about that.

Just like me, the vitamins I’m buying are not from the mega stores such as WalMart, or GNC, they’re from a health and nutrition supplement store that just opened and are trying to get their leg up on the market. I realize Nebraska is not the health state of the nation. They’re all about GMO’s, pesticides, processed food and unhealthy eating. Maybe that’s why this is the only supplement store around for forty miles. (a GNC store opened recently and is quite close but I haven’t checked them out yet.) 

Don’t get me wrong, I love Nebraska and the moral compass that I don’t see in other states I've been to, but the moral compass isn’t going to free me of cancer, only healthy eating will do that and healthy eating cost money, money I don’t have. Where do the funds go? To food and supplements! You’re allowing me to live. 

I bought a head of cauliflower, a bag of baby carrots, and a handful of brussel sprouts. I made up SEVEN baggies, and that fed me for SEVEN days! As this journey progresses I’m going to give you my recipes I've found, modified because of money, but still good to eat and filling. All this to add years to my life and possibly yours. You can modify my recipe to suit your taste if you want. 

Right now I’m on: turmeric, selenium, Cureamed (that’s a curcumin supplement), Vit. C (1000 mg powder) Iodine, and my B12 stress tablets. It’s a lot to take and in two months I’ll run out UNLESS I get more help and I’m positive God will provide! I’ll only give out my mailing address if asked. My email address is I’m here and I am alive with God!

I’m going to put together a book called Beating Cancer on a Budget and in two years when I’ve beat this, I will seek a publisher for it! I have goals, I have a plan but most of all I have a wonderfully AWESOME and most AMAZING God who thought enough of me to tap me on the shoulder and say, “Wake up girl!” And now I’m awake and LIVING! God Bless you all! Thank you for your support. 

Pss. 30:2 “O LORD my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me.”  

Friday, February 17, 2017

I'm Alive!

Prov. 16:24 “Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.”

I’m Alive!

Every morning I wake I want to shout out the door, I’m Alive! I don’t do it for obvious reasons so I just take a moment before placing my feet on the floor and say, thank you Lord, for granting me another day.

It has been three weeks since my diagnosis and while the medical community thought my illness was theirs to control, I asserted my body and took control of something I lost on the day of diagnosis. Since I’m a victim of sexual abuse as a child I’m going to be quite blunt here, I felt as if I had been raped on the day of diagnosis as they whisked me from one test to the other amid tears.

I wasn’t prepared, to say the least, can one ever be? But I seriously thought I was just going in to have my breast exam. I had no idea I was going to need a mammogram, CT scan AND a biopsy all in a succession of tests. I felt violated, I lost control of my body and it felt demeaning. I stayed strong because I had to, I would not succumb again the preying vultures. 

The last I saw or heard from the Breast Cancer doctor was moments before I was wheeled off to my mammogram when she said, “We’ll be with you all the way.” That was three weeks ago. She was the doctor my General Practitioner sent me to, her ‘colleague’. 

A week after the BC doctor visit, in comes the Oncologist to pressure me and make me feel even less in control when she uttered the words chemotherapy. The last I’ve seen or heard from her was two weeks ago. Oh, her navigator person has been in contact putting a little pressure on me to decide even though I asked REPEATEDLY about alternative treatment. The oncologist informed the BC doctor that, “Joni is not committing.” 

So the BC doctor had a person at the desk (there were five receptionists when I went in for my initial visit) call me telling me I needed to make an appointment. Doc. wanted to talk to me. I said I would call back. Tuesday of this week after navigator lady called to put the pressure on me, I told her BC doctor wanted to see me and after I see her, I’d get back to her, the navigator lady. I called BC doctor to make an appointment and one of her five receptionist said she’d call me back. She needed to see how much time to put me in for with the doctor. It’s Friday, she never called back.

Tuesday at five, my phone rang and it went to voicemail before I had the chance to pick it up. It was my General Practitioner calling to see how I was and if there was anything she could do for me. She even left me her cell phone number. I cried. This is the FIRST doctor who actually took the time out of their day to PERSONALLY call me!

I didn’t call her but by Thursday she made another call. She’s persistent but I needed that at that point and time. I called the office, the Desk Lady said that the doctor would like to see me, for a follow-up visit, a wellness visit (my guess, anything to get me into the office to see if I’m okay.) I began to cry, “Can you ask her if she is going to abandon me?” 

Desk Lady didn’t understand, but I went on to tell her basically what I told you above, I felt abandoned by the medical community because I uttered the words Alternative Treatment. She sounded not surprised at all and said, “It is YOUR body! You need to do what YOU want.” I told her that was the first time in three weeks I’ve heard those words from ANY of the offices! We’ll get you in here Tuesday of next week, she offered.

I don’t know about you but Dr. appointments are usually hard to come by but this place actually has walk in visits. This doctor has to be as busy as any other doctor but there was an opening on Tuesday in a couple of different time slots convenient to ME.

My mind suddenly began to spin paranoia webs of background deceit brought on by no other than the dark one. “Was she acting on BC doctor’s orders to put pressure on me? Is this all about who makes the dollar off of my Breast Cancer?” I immediately thought of my dream the other night where the webs were sucked from my system tossed into the sea.  

I felt a relief wash over me, I was back in control and someone in the form of my General Practitioner was out there, waiting to see me and willing to listen. That’s all I want in this mess of confusion is for someone to listen to me. I don’t want her to say what I want to hear, I want to listen to her too and see what she has to say about all of this. 

Chris Wark of Chris Beat Cancer is just ONE of the thousands of testimonials against chemotherapy. He’s not a new age guru, he’s a colon cancer SURVIVOR! People will never hear these testimonials because cancer is a BILLION dollar industry that doesn’t WANT you to hear them. Listen, I am not treading lightly in my decision, trust me, having three members die in one year is weighing heavily on my decision. They chose THEIR path and I am choosing my path! I walk hand-in-hand with God my heavenly Father! We’ve got this. I'm ALIVE!

Isa. 6:10 “Make the heart of this people fat, and make their ears heavy, and shut their eyes; lest they see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart, and convert, and be healed.”

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

I Had A Dream

Prov. 16:24 “Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.”

I Had A Dream

My dreams of late have become increasingly strange and last night's dream was no different. My subconscious is working overtime here lately with the diagnosis of the Big C. 

Do you remember in childhood cartoons the big refuse trucks? They looked like big vacuums, big hoses placed over the sewage and when turned on the sewage was sucked through the tube? 

I have to say first since I grew up on the Eastern portion of the US that the ocean was a yearly visit and sometimes twice a year since it was only a two or three-hour drive from my house. I grew up in Baltimore Maryland where the Inner Harbor goes right out to the Chesapeake Bay. Ocean City, Maryland was our yearly vacation spot. The great memories, the sand between my toes and the family together. Yes, the family.

Well, my dreams of late for some reason have me near the ocean, in a house right on the beach with crashing waves, salt taste in my mouth and the grit when I wash my hair. Last night I was in that beach house when a big smelly refuse truck pulled up to the house. 

A big burly man got out of the truck. I didn’t recognize him but he had sandy blonde wavy close-cropped hair and the infamous farmer Bob jeans. He knocked on the door and informed me he was here to clean the house out. I know I looked at him puzzled when he told me to go in and relax it won’t hurt a bit. 

I went and relaxed on the sofa as the big old vacuum churned into action. With the door open, he held the hose to the front door, not very far from me. Suddenly things started flying by me. Not furniture but tiny cells, fungus, strands of molecular disease, spores of mold and anything foreign that was disease ridden. They were being sucked out of the entire house including my body. 

It was so strange seeing spider web like strands being sucked from my mouth but I just sat in amazement that there was a successful way to be rid of all this disease. The sound lasted for what seemed like hours but more than likely minutes as germ after toxic germ was contained in this big sewage truck. 

The noise stopped, he waved to me and yelled out, “All clean!” and I watched as he revved the truck engine. With eyes on the long pier, I stood aghast at the thought of what this man was about to do.  

He sped down the pier I know hitting top speeds for a refuse truck and just at the end of the pier the truck leaped off of the end of the pier and descended into the ocean sinking to the bottom. I felt I was out of my body watching this in slow-motion. 

I was frantic, what did he just do? I ran to the end of the pier tossing out life preservers but I knew he didn’t get out of the truck in time but I didn’t give up hope as I saw helicopters fly into the position of retrieving the body alive or dead. 

“He died for you,” kept playing like a choir of angels in my ears. He died for you, He died for you. I woke but it was too early to get up so I tried to go back to sleep and bring the dream back, all I could get from the continued dream was veiled curtains blowing in the sea breeze, sun shining through the window and me, resting on the bed exhausted. All disease sucked out of me and the tiring months I spent fighting flashing in my mind. I rested; I cradled my covers and rested.

My husband entered the room as well as our sister-in-law. I don’t know why they showed up but they did and I could hear them talking about the miracle they had just witnessed. I rested, listened and rested. 

I finally woke after a wonderful eight hours of sleep and knew I had to write this down before I forgot but the images feel so fresh as if I’m reliving the dream over and over again in my waking hours.

I’ll take my walk today and relive that miracle of all disease being sucked from my body and being tossed out to sea by the one and only Man I know who died for me in my lifetime. 

I’m feeling good. My spirits are high and this is what I want to feel all the way up to my last day. I feel disheartened by the medical community but who isn’t? They were trained to care for patients when the majority of the time, they are just there to write a prescription and send you on your way. 

Yesterday I got a phone call from my General Practitioner, who was the original doctor who set all of this in motion for me. She called to see how I was doing and asked if there was anything she could do for me. I cried. I feel like the medical community is in cahoots and all have just fallen short of offering me anything of value after I uttered those words NO CHEMO and Alternative Medicine. Then she called, left a message, and offered her heart. I’m amazed. 

I am truly blessed in this journey, no matter what the turnout, I am truly blessed and I say that upon waking every single morning. May you all feel the blessings of each and every day. Cancer is NOT a death sentence; it is a new lease on life! THAT is how I see it! Thank you, Jesus!

Prov. 4:22 “For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh.”

Monday, February 13, 2017


Isa. 58:8 “Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the LORD shall be thy reward.”


Do you remember the days where you took a test in school; you were sitting there sweating and looking at the clock, tapping your pencil on the desk, tripping over questions and answers as if your shoelaces were tied together? Do you remember the anxiety as the clock ticked and tocked and you were still sitting there with questions unanswered?

That’s what it’s like when you’re diagnosed with cancer or any other life altering illness I imagine, you keep looking at the time. Time, seconds turn into minutes, minute’s turn into hours and before you know it…the day is over, time has run out. 

Every second becomes more precious in each day and you wonder did you study hard enough to pass the test or did you just ‘wing it’? While the test in school was to see if you remembered everything you read, the test of life is going to be about you and all the knowledge you’ve gained and what exactly did you do with that knowledge up to those last minutes of your life. 

This is why it is important to make every minute count because you never know if this is your last one on the clock and you don’t get a redo of the test, once the day is over on your biological clock and your called home, is home going to be the place you had tried to attain while your breath sustained you while alive? 

I strive for eternity, not a place where seconds and minutes become days and years, I want time to be erased and live as if eternity is within my grasp. The good news is, eternity IS within my grasp with the saving grace of Jesus. I try to tell everyone else about the eternity we have as part of our biological plan but many are too busy making up for the menial minutes in a physical day to see the picture that’s right before their eyes playing out in front of them. 

My husband’s aunt is in the hospital as I write, hooked up to feeding tubes to keep her alive battling her last days with cancer and chemotherapy. When I asked hubby’s mom if auntie was in hospice, she said no, she’s on the ‘transition’ floor. The transition floor? Out of respect, I didn’t want to ask what a transition floor is but I have a pretty good idea.

A year ago we were sitting with this same aunt as the family was gathered to celebrate Christmas. As we piled bite after unhealthy bite of food on our plates from mashed potatoes to salads, meat and desserts, I watched his aunt speak about battling cancer and listened to her say how it was sucking the life out of her. I asked her if she had heard about turmeric and she said yeah, and that she was taking it, in between globs of potatoes and gravy crossing her lips.

Here’s the thing, chemo is not going to take cancer away, it will give cancer a resting place and that is it until it’s time to wake up again. A pill is not going to take cancer away either. There has to be a life-altering plan of your intake of food that got you to this point of unhealthy living that fed the cancer cells all along. From everything that goes past the lips to everything that comes out the other end, there HAS TO BE a life-altering change! 

I understand that when you hear the word cancer, you automatically think you’re going to die. So, many people go the chemo route trying to add a little more time to clock. It doesn’t add to the clock it takes time away. Time spent hooked up feeding radiation to your system, time spent vomiting, time of worry and stress, time spent going to the doctor, time spent looking for a parking spot! Precious time that is consumed by an illness and a treatment without a cure.

Maybe adding time to the clock should have been your first priority, to begin with. Why did the alarm clock need to go off for me to say hey, wake up, you’re not going to eat the chemical filled processed food? If you think that the processing of the food you eat was brought to you in the cleanliest of fashions, you are sadly mistaken. 

From the steroid injection of the farm animals to bring you a meatier slab of pork, beef, or chicken, to the handling, to the added chemicals of giving food a longer shelf life, to the people who all breathed and touched that pork chop before you purchased it and put it in your mouth! You are what you eat takes on new meaning to me now that I’m battling these nasty little demonic cancer cells!

Cleansing; that is what the soul needs to bide time and nothing else; a mind, body and soul synchronicity cleansing. You can see the detoxifying of the chemical laden body as torture because you’d rather choose to permit the very thing killing you to own you. Or you can take the all important life test without studying for the exam. It’s up to YOU and no one else what you choose to do to pass the exam of eternity. 

I have chosen to do my homework and look forward to exam day, no tapping of the pencil, no tripping over shoelaces, no ticking of the clock. It’s not about taking a vitamin to beat this. Beating cancer is about CHANGE; a swift major shake-up to your everyday living and eating habits. People can’t be bothered by drastic change because it takes up too much time? Well, I’ve got all the time in the world to make a change; time to LIVE! Holistically going to win this battle! 

Jer. 17:14 “Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise.”

Saturday, February 11, 2017

And The Beat Goes On...

Pss. 43:5 “Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.”

And The Beat Goes On…

Every day I wake up and am grateful for a new day and a new way to fight the cancer. My day begins with prayer, a reading of my Bible Gateway emails, and reflection on what God means to my life. It’s ironic how each new day brings emails, web page landings right in my hand that pertain exactly to me and what I’m going through.

I have my good days and those days are the ones I want to keep fresh in my mind while my bad days are good days where I feel negative people or events tried to wander into the spatial plane of my existence.

In two weeks the positive outweighs the negative by far. One lady friend basically attacked me telling me how wrong I was in making the decision not to do chemo because she’s lost people and cancer is ugly! I wish people would respect me enough to READ my words before berating me with THEIR experience and THEIR opinion as if I didn’t have enough of my own experience to make this judgment call on my own. 

I’ve lost people to cancer too, my husband has lost people to cancer also and I know it is an ugly disease that millions are fighting, struggling, winning and also losing. I KNOW I get it! I am not an uneducated child throwing my hands in the air and stomping in temper tantrum fashion, I get it, CANCER KILLS! In a span of decades, I would say I’ve lost well over 10 people in my family alone to the disease and there could be more that I haven’t heard of.

My day consist of wanting to stay alive! I don’t wake and turn to the nasty habit of eating what I want, drinking what I want, no, I think of my body as a broken machine and it’s in the shop for repair. When your car needs repairs and the mechanic says, “Well ma’am, you need a whole new engine. That’s gonna cost you about five grand.” You think the repairs are not worth it and you just go and buy a new car. Well, I can’t just go and trade my old body in and get a new one. No, I need to repair what I was given.

To ME, chemo is like putting a gas treatment in the gas tank and expecting it to run because you treated it with the best juice on the market. You didn’t weigh your options. The mechanic said you needed this gas treatment and that your car would run good for a little while, so you took his word for it even though he just told you that you needed an entire engine!

Sometimes people don’t trust themselves because we’re supposed to trust the mechanic or doctor who has been trained in their field of expertise. How many of you have taken your car in and when told that you needed an entire engine, decided on a second opinion and were told that it was fixable for a much cheaper price. You took their word because they HAVE to be right, right? 

I’m all about trust. Since my abusive childhood (read my entire blog) I’ve had many years of being leery and mistrusting people and having to go with my God given instinct. Something feels wrong about this big C diagnosis, I do not trust the rush, rush, hasty decisions that are making me feel uneasy.

One day the diagnosis, the very next week the oncologist, and that visit was all about starting chemo two days later. Wow, what a week. My mind didn’t even have time to let the diagnosis set in and they were already making plans for a port to be installed and begin chemo treatments, how I’d lose my hair and be sick but we’ll give you pills for the sickness. When I said, “WHOA, hold on there, Silver.” The oncologist told the initial BC doctor from the first-week diagnosis that I was not committing. What does that even mean?

When the navigator lady called on Monday (the 6th) she asked me where I was leaning and what were my thoughts. I told her I was considering the PET scan but I was working on getting my body, mind, and spirit in sync with all of this information. I need my body READY if it is ABSOLUTELY necessary to get chemo or any other radiation (PET SCAN). I’m still not getting clear answers on that one. One day my cancer is ‘not aggressive’ the next ‘mildly aggressive’, could you be more specific? I told her she could call me call Friday. 

Friday came, yesterday I woke feeling great as usual, happy to be alive one more day and praising the One who made it all possible. I took a shower, woke Adam and asked if he’d drive me to the store to pick up money (thank you, God) and to get some more veggies for my new way of living. I came home happy as a penguin sliding on the ice. I was gearing up for my walk when the phone rang, must be navigator lady, I thought. 

List of characters: Onc. – oncologist, navigator- works for Onc. and is supposed to help and guide me, BC- Breast Cancer specialist doctor who gave me the news of BC. Joni- That’d be me, the one in the background. 

“Hi, this is the ‘BC Doctor’s office, the doctor would like to schedule you for an appointment.”
“For what?” I was totally broadsided on this one, I was expecting navigator lady from the oncologist office. 
“The oncologist informed BC doctor that you were not willing to commit.”
“To what?” I asked. 
“To your chemotherapy treatments.” Silence over the phone as she read the note Onc. had sent to BC doctor. “I’m sorry, I was just reading the note that Onc. sent to BC.”
“I thought navigator lady was going to call me today. I told her I needed time, and we were working toward a solution. I need a moment,” silence as I had to wrap my brain around what was going on, “I have to call you back.”

I hung up the phone feeling anger, anxiety, and perplexity along with a tinge of betrayal. I thought navigator lady was working with me, but obviously, after our call on Monday, she went and told Onc. that, “Nope, Joni isn’t falling for our scam we’re trying to pull on her.”

I was actually ready to tell navigator lady to set me up for the PET scan, but apparently, we’re all playing a different game here. I could not call navigator lady right then because my blood was boiling, my temperature rising and my heart went into overtime. “Well, there goes my walk.” I couldn’t even wrap my mind around taking my little walk.

This is what I’m up against. I’m being as open and honest in conveying my feelings but they are NOT hearing me and only have tunnel vision for what THEY want done. Why can’t we work together for a positive outcome here, why is it your way or no way at all? How come when I ask about vitamin C treatments they quickly, hastily brush off what I said and say, “We don’t do that here!” I’ll tell you why they’re realizing I’m doing my homework on this disease. I’m educating myself in treatments that are out there. I’m asking them to embrace something that is foreign to them and that is moving forward in the steps that it will take to eradicate cancer.

“We don’t do that here.” That means to me, we just do chemo and if you don’t agree with us on chemo, we have to send you back to the BC doctor and let her time and money be wasted on you. Our time IS money, see ya! 

That is exactly the way I’m feeling I’m being treated. I will call the BC doctor on Monday and set up an appointment and hear what she has to say, as for navigator lady, if she calls Monday I’ll think of something creative to say, you all know me.  *wink*

Pss. 107:20 “He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions.”

Sunshine Award

Sunshine award