Thursday, July 13, 2017


The wheel... has endured the test of time
2 Cor. 4:16 "For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day."


This post was going to be titled I’m Done, had it been written and posted yesterday. Instead, I chose to close down, go inside my head and feel the angst that I was being asked to endure. 

I had an extremely stressed filled month with my son seeking a job, the death in the family from chemo no less (I’m from the school cancer doesn’t kill, chemo does), and then there was hubby and his needed eye doctor appointment and a dental visit. Then there was me tossed in the middle with my illness and need to pick a new doctor. 

All of this came flurrying around my face like confetti from the sky. I blew it away as a wayward strand of hair falling in my face, but the stress had mounted and I could feel the shift, the pain, the hurt. I was trying so hard but it all came crashing around me and I was about ready to give up. I’m done, I said, I’m just done!

My thoughts and feelings were getting hard to catalog. I could not compartmentalize them, I had to face each one head on, I had to endure. I woke this morning with a swift slap in the face with a God moment. My Encouragement For The Day came via my Bible Gateway message. 

This is what greeted me today, first thing in the quiet of the morning:
“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5 (ESV)

Wow, this is one not to be scanned over real quick; I was forced to read it after that intro. I went through word after word, the writer was a twenty-five-year breast cancer survivor and now after all of these years she’s faced with her daughter having to go through the same exact illness. She couldn’t protect her daughter from this event, they would just have to endure it, together. I’ll hit the high points of the email: Suffering produces endurance, Endurance produces character, character produces hope. 

There it is in a nutshell HOPE! I woke to hope! Yesterday I was done, I was giving up, I was just ready to shove a slice of pizza in my face, stop all supplements, have everyone laugh at me and say I told ya so, and I was making plans in my head to go home, to my Heavenly Home, that is. And I woke to this message of hope. What am I supposed to do with that? Endure and have continued hope is what!

2 Cor. 4:17-18 (KJV) “For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.”

Stress level on a scale of one to ten – nine! let’s go over it:

Me- In need of finding a doctor for this serious illness invading my body. (more on that in later posts)

My son – He found a really good job making good money and a week after he started, he asked for a week vacation at the end of July; a vacation to go to Kentucky to meet online friends. That’s what I taught him, run off and meet your online friends. He’s twenty-one and I cannot stop this train from going down the track, I have my own stress and seriously don’t need this, but it is what it is. He has a hard-as-a-rock head on his shoulders and I can’t say anything. (wow, he’s just like his mother!)

My hubby - An eye doctor’s appointment went well, but the eye doctor of eight years told us this would be the last time we’d see him. Shock, hurt, memories, everything came through the floodgates!

A funeral – Need I say more? His aunt succumbed to chemo.

The dentist – No insurance and a filling it wasn’t meant to be. I won’t say any more than that. This was the tip of the iceberg of a stressful month. Especially when the (doctor’s wife, hygienist) looked at me and asked if I was my husbands' mother. Insult after insult (my brother-in-law writes too, as a hobby, she says.) “Good thing you weren’t working so you could drive your husband to all of the doctor’s appointments.”  Slice after slice, cut, chop, throw me to the wolves. The wolf being a gray-haired, forty-five-year-old overworked mother. I was her target for the day and wonder how she even has the job she has.

I left in tears, wanting to just go home to the Lord. I’m done, I can’t handle this. I can’t handle all of the doubts coming through via my screen from people who say they support me but are really living Doubting Thomas’! The message of what to eat vs. what not to eat, what to take and what not to take, email after email asking to buy this cure in a bottle. No money has me deleting the majority of the supplement spiel.

I woke to find the email telling me to endure. To be filled with hope during a most trying time. To have faith where others wane. To stand tall and muddle through this thickened mire. It is my job to give hope and here I was being filled. I need a break from stress and worry. I need to stand in a downpour and release all that ails me. I need to embrace the journey and walk with hope in my hand.

The Holy Spirit flowing through us is God and His earthly blood/waters running through our veins. There is no doubting in the floodwaters. There may be pain, there sure will be stress, you’ll face trials of ignorance from the outside world but you’ll find the strength in God to endure, whatever it is you have to endure to get through another day.

Isa. 26:4 (KJV) “Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength:”

I give all praise and Glory to God! 

Alleluia AMEN!


benning said...

"When you're up to your ass in alligators, ..." :)

Your job is to clear that swamp of alligators. Ain't easy, ain't enjoyable, but there are 'here and now' benefits. Walking through an entire store, is one, right? Yep, you got a 'Life Alligator' nibbling at you, and that won't be the last, either. So pull up your waders and continue on, Joni.

I trust you've PRINTED out that email, and the pertinent Scriptures, taped it to the wall, above your pooter, and will keep it in sight often. Right? ;)

*HUGS!* :D <3

NurseArtist said...

People don't mean to insult you. They are ignorant of your life situation and speak from their own situations and life stories. I get how it feels to be called mother of someone older. That has happened to me before too. I catalog it under things to never say to someone else and then laugh about it later.

Since losing Teresa, and having someone on that horrible day asking if it's true she was pregnant and single, I learned to choose my battles carefully.

Learning to be a duck, and letting if flow off your back like water, is a skill that has helped me keep my sanity in a world that is steadily growing insane.

I know it is stressful having your son learning to make his way in the world, but I'm sure what you want for him is his happiness and good fortune. Try to keep in mind that he is not leaving you forever, he will return to visit often.

Your husband's doctor releasing him from his care is good news, Joni. It means he is doing so well that he no longer needs a specialist to see him anymore. Praise God!

Still praying for a good outcome and peace and happiness for you and your family.

joni said...

Well, the printer doesn't work on my laptop but I did put a star next to the email and keep reading it throughout the day! :) I'm amazed at the significance and how it all just walks into my life.

You said ASS, on MY blog! Daggum you! lol

Continue is all I CAN do. :)

*HUGS* <3

joni said...


She was obviously having a bad day as well as I was. It just all bubbled, it happens.

And a lol moment, I'm five years older than my husband and in hindsight, it was actually a compliment at how youthful HE looks. :) She said she has a forty-five-year-old friend with a thirty-year-old son. She felt bad. lol I felt good because I'm not 45! :D

My husband wasn't released from his care, the doctor was not coming back to this area and staying in his office in Omaha. We could visit him there if we HAVE to but it was just a release of us being his patient in our area. Too many things at once hit me.

My concern for my son was he just got the job after MONTHS of looking. It's an awesome job, he loves it, he's just weeding through his life and I totally get it. I can't keep him forever, I don't own him. Hard nonetheless.

Prayers are what I'm living and thriving on at this moment! Thank you! <3

Heather said...


Sorry I've been a little absent lately. Took a trip up to see family, and still recovering.

This world is crazy. We are bombarded on every side. Worn down by things that don't matter in perspective to eternity, but they distract us. It seems that every interaction, wears just another little bit off of us. BUT we are encouraged:

Col 3:2 - Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.

Eph 2:1-10 - As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

PRAISE GOD that we have hope, when all the world around us is hopeLESS.

joni said...

Welcome back, Heather!

I was going to send out the troops for ya but then I realized, you do have a life outside the virtual world. :)

You always know what to say and when to say it, for that I am eternally grateful, thank you!

Love & *HUGS*