Silent No More

Pss. 35:22 “This thou hast seen, O LORD: keep not silence: O Lord, be not far from me.”

Silent No More

As I scan the news feeds I see an awakening of people pointing fingers. Abuse has been going on for centuries if not the millennium. No one would like to admit it but even in the bible, there is rape and the mistreatment of women and men on a sexually promiscuous stage.

From my experience, when you come forward to tell of your story, you’re shot down. I think that is why the women you see today coming forward with sexual abuse cases are banding together because as one is shot down, forty and fifty might be heard.

We live in a world where if one person disagrees with another, the first thing they do is retaliate by belittling and silencing the other voice so that their voice is heard above all others.

I’ve never been the silent type as many will read, laugh and understand what I’m saying. I’ve been pretty vocal about my abuse as a child and I hope in years to come when people want to look into my window and actually learn who I am (of course after I pass because many could care less about my story as I live) they’ll dig through these pages and discover me and my voice.

If you ever wonder where I get my strength in fighting a disease like cancer that has killed millions of people, look at my history, read my story. I’ve been sexually assaulted, I’ve been ridiculed, bullied and battered and this disease is just another form of attack that I won’t be silenced, scared of and led quietly into the night away from.

Job 31:34 “Did I fear a great multitude, or did the contempt of families terrify me, that I kept silence, and went not out of the door.”

Just as everyone else who stands their ground for what they believe in will get shot down, I am no different. We live in a world of people who are led around by a nose ring. If it is in a book, it must be the truth. If a person has a diploma, their words have to be true, if the story is on the web, a ring of truth has to be in there, right, wrong! The people are not going to listen to me because I’m that still small, uneducated voice that is heard but not believed. I don’t dig enough into the scientific detail. I don’t listen to the mainstream; I listen to the voice in the back of the room trying to be heard and always being silenced.

This MUST READ link isn’t from a politically trusted news source, this story more than likely isn’t scientifically right, you should know what is right from left, I mean wrong, and to be honest, I don’t. I can’t tell a fake news story from a real one, I don’t trust anyone these days and sometimes that even means my friends. I just don’t trust very easily anymore.

I’ve always been shot down and put on the defensive and it puts me in the corner of the closet and I don’t want to be heard anymore, I just want to pull the door closed and go quietly into the night, abandoned and alone. But AFTER I pass, will everyone be intrigued with what I was saying all along? Will they then do their own homework and seek out the truth or will they close the book on this page in history?

Job 4:17 “Shall mortal man be more just than God? shall a man be more pure than his maker?”

Let me just say, as many of you already know, I don’t trust the medical community. Doctors have let me down from the time I was sixteen and the uncaring doctor documented the words “She shows no feeling toward the death of her child,” (yeah, that is on record!) to the doctor who said recently, “She is not committing.” Doctors are all about drugs and the pharmaceutical industry they support and how to dismiss the uneducated little people and force them into submitting to the drugs they offer; drugs that have more damaging side effects than any healing properties. They are legal drug dealers in my eyes and nothing more! THAT is what they are trained for and paid a mighty dollar for too. The medical community is a big pool of vapid swimmers trying to pull you into their diseased cesspool. It is documented fact, but I’ll send you to an unrespected news source over and over so you can read for yourself the FACTS.

I don’t care how loud you are in dismissing me, I won’t hear. I don’t give a hoot how many medical journals you try to point me to, to prove me wrong, I won’t care. A voice doesn’t dare sway me just like my voice won’t sway you. We’re on opposite ends of the spectrum. While the world is out there following along like cows to slaughter, I’m a voice silenced by ignorance. I’m okay with that because I am led by only One voice, One Master, One God. All of your documentation is babble to me the very towers of Babylon that stood because of people like you and fell because of your kind. I know, that’s a politically unacceptable term, but I know nothing of politics either except that it will lead the human population to their destruction.


From this repeated link: "Honestly, we're at a point where the horses are out of the barn after the gate has closed," said Dan Werb, an expert at the University of California, San Diego. "I'm not optimistic about the capacity of our classic approaches to rein this [the drug addiction DOCTORS CAUSED] in."

As for me, I get to choose who I bow down to and it isn’t false idols, false gods or religion. I get to decide where I will go when my time ends. Keep in mind this uneducated woman’s words, MY God is not a religion! Never has been and never will be, no matter how loud you get thumping out man-made texts. I will remain alone but never silenced.

Pss. 31:18 “Let the lying lips be put to silence; which speak grievous things proudly and contemptuously against the righteous.”

Me - Images

Prov. 15:31 "The ear that heareth the reproof of life abideth among the wise."

This was me at three years old. What a cutie I was. They were my favorite slippers!

I was about 37 or 38 in this picture. It's a guess.

I was about 40 here

I'm 49 in our wedding photo!

51 years old. This was 8-21-17. Eclipse gazing

Summer of '17 and 40 lbs lighter than my wedding photo! 

God has been very good to me giving me a second chance to change the mess I made out of life.

Prov. 21:21 "He that followeth after righteousness and mercy findeth life, righteousness, and honour."

Quotation Saturday ~ Loneliness

Job 13:13 "Hold your peace, let me alone, that I may speak, and let come on me what will."

SILENCE

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing 
and rightdoing there is a field.
I'll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about.” 
― Jalaluddin Rumi

“The true genius shudders at incompleteness — imperfection — and usually prefers silence to saying the something which is not everything that should be said.” 
― Edgar Allan Poe

“I've begun to realize that you can listen to silence and learn from it. It has a quality and a dimension all its own.” 
― Chaim Potok

“I need to be alone. I need to ponder my shame and my despair in seclusion; I need the sunshine and the paving stones of the streets without companions, without conversation, face to face with myself, with only the music of my heart for company.”
~ Henry Miller

LONELINESS

“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.” 
― Jodi Picoult

“Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.” 
― Maya Angelou

“All I ever wanted was to reach out and touch another human being not just with my hands but with my heart.” 
― Tahereh Mafi

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.” 
― Mother Teresa

ISOLATION

“Why do people have to be this lonely? What's the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?”
~ Haruki Murakami

“The parts of me that used to think I was different or smarter or whatever, almost made me die.” 
― David Foster Wallace

“We're all islands shouting lies to each other across seas of misunderstanding.” 
― Rudyard Kipling

“When you're socially awkward, you're isolated more than usual, and when you're isolated more than usual, your creativity is less compromised by what has already been said and done. All your hope in life starts to depend on your craft, so you try to perfect it. One reason I stay isolated more than the average person is to keep my creativity as fierce as possible. Being the odd one out may have its temporary disadvantages, but more importantly, it has its permanent advantages.” 
― Criss Jami

SOLITUDE

“I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself.” 
― Charlotte Brontë

“Therefore, dear Sir, love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. For those who are near you are far away... and this shows that the space around you is beginning to grow vast.... be happy about your growth, in which of course you can't take anyone with you, and be gentle with those who stay behind; be confident and calm in front of them and don't torment them with your doubts and don't frighten them with your faith or joy, which they wouldn't be able to comprehend. Seek out some simple and true feeling of what you have in common with them, which doesn't necessarily have to alter when you yourself change again and again; when you see them, love life in a form that is not your own and be indulgent toward those who are growing old, who are afraid of the aloneness that you trust.... and don't expect any understanding; but believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.” 
― Rainer Maria Rilke

“There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,

There is a rapture on the lonely shore,

There is society, where none intrudes,

By the deep sea, and music in its roar:

I love not man the less, but Nature more” 

― George Gordon Byron

A Milestone...Changes ARE Happening

Isa. 60:19 "The sun shall be no more thy light by day; neither for brightness shall the moon give light unto thee: but the LORD shall be unto thee an everlasting light, and thy God thy glory."

A Milestone

I wanted to share a bit of a milestone that really came out of nowhere. You remember that for years I thought I had MS and that my unbalance may have been a symptom? I have posted numerous times telling of my pains in my back, knees and everywhere else. 

I know I have one friend that remembers the intimate details I displayed for you all here on my blog. If you’re a follower, you know my story. If you’re not a follower, there are previous posts links over there to play catch up.

Being unbalanced left me either sitting or standing and holding onto the wall but never could I stand and put my pants on in about four years now; it was just too uncertain.

Yesterday it happened, I had to go into my bedroom and get pants. Without even thinking, I stood in the middle of the room and put my pants on, one leg at a time. No wobble, no uncertainty, no holding onto anything, nothing. After pulling them up and buttoning them, I stood there and thought, ‘did I just do that’? A tear came to my eye because it had been four years since feeling like a somewhat normal human being.

My body is changing for the good. Apparently, a healthy lifestyle is what I needed to regain my balance. Not only has the loss of thirty pounds made a significant difference in my wardrobe (115 lbs and holding), the adding of pertinent supplements and healthy eating all around has made a difference in my showering, the way I dress, the way I walk and just about everything in my life. 

This week though, I’ve been on the defense in so many ways. I’m thinking October 29th, the second anniversary of my dad’s passing is taking a toll on me that I never seen coming. I am at peace with his passing but I do have to contend with my mother, very much alive who misses him terribly on a daily basis. She says she can’t figure out why she was kept here alive and I told her point blank, maybe it’s for ME! I think God is going to keep me alive for HER as well.

My mother has no idea I have this ugly disease, she would become paranoid (as usual) and worry too much and try to instill fear in me so I think her NOT knowing is for her benefit as well as mine. I think God has kept her alive for me since she is really the only family that I’m in touch with on a daily basis, my grounding so-to-speak. I’ve always been very close to my mother and not physically seeing her for over ten years has its own stress factor but to hear her voice daily helps relieve the stress immensely.

Another milestone is the tumor itself. I’ve been feeling some sharp pains here lately and instead of fear and panic I kicked into research mode and conferred with ladies experiencing the exact same thing as I, as we are all on an alternative path together. I’m going to get a little (a lot) personal and graphic here, if you’re a man, turn away now. 

The tumor is in the rapid cell die-off phase. Without a doctor, you might be wondering how I know this. Well, let me tell you. The tumor is big. I’ve already done immeasurable research on this and have found that the tumor is not cancer. The tumor is a result of the cancer, a reaction if you will, it is NOT the cancer itself. Back in January when the disease was discovered, I went to the doctor with a C+ cup size of my left breast. I, my life since teenage years, have been a very comfortable B size. 

With my diet change and weight loss, I’m bound to lose breast size so that isn’t the telltale sign I’m looking for in healing, no, the pains are. Over I’d say this past month (since a miraculous herb literally walked in my front door) or two I’ve had a reduction of breast size on the LEFT side. No longer a C+ or even a C, I’m fitting comfortably back into my B cup! You might see that as no big deal, but visually it IS a big deal because I SEE the healing taking place! The tumor is still there but if the pains are a telltale sign of rapid cell die off, I’m winning this battle, a little pain at a time!

I have to share this graphic tale with you as I move toward the continued healing part of my journey. I’m still edgy and defensive but hey, maybe a lack of sugar and carbs is having that effect nine months later. I still have my sense of humor, I took a six-week writing course, and while a little stressful for me, I took it as a challenge to stretch my writing muscles even further. I’m still maintaining strict eating habits that I’m coming to enjoy, I’m still walking and exercising, still loving life and still have problems with my defensiveness. I can work on that though. I’ve done so much work this year that finally I’m seeing the results of my labor. A little defensiveness is nothing to tackle.

All my praise and glory goes to my God on most high! I could not and would not be where I am today without Him holding the reins! My supportive friends are very much an aspect of this healing too! Thank you, and God bless! 

Be Still...

Pss. 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.”

Silence

Have you ever tried listening to the sound of God’s voice? Try as you might you can’t because of all of the noise surrounding you. Sure you’re alone in the house, windows and doors closed, your place is silent but it is so silent that you can hear a clock ticking, a refrigerator humming, a car passing outside, sirens blaring, winds stirring, or your neighbors hanging a picture. Where is the silence in that?

Being ‘still’ is not just about sitting completely still and then waiting to hear God’s voice. You need to be in complete silence where this day and age, complete silence is fleeting. Even in the woods, there is no silence as birds call out, trees sway in the wind, leaves are rustling, water sometimes flows downstream, and silence is always disrupted by a noise. While nature has a host of sounds they’re not as distracting as life away from nature but not everyone can live surrounded by nature, now can they?

To seek and find God’s voice in the murmurings of the day, to hear His voice you need to hear nothing but silence, be still and breathe in the silence of the moment. Try it, can you? For fifteen minutes a day can you turn off the distractions of work, the computer, the washer, the noise, can you find silence somewhere in your day? You think you can but there will always be a noise to distract you and pull you away from God’s voice whispering in your ear.

I think I realize why I love the cold snowy season so much. For the very reason that out in the middle of nowhere, where I’m located, the snow renders the farms silent, the only sounds are the wind, even the trains often heard in the distance become silenced. It is during these times I can have a most meditative walk with nature and listen for God to whisper in my ear. It is at these times I talk to him too in a most silent and peaceful surrounding; I feel as if I’m touching a little bit of heaven.

I think humans are a lot like trick-or-treaters on Halloween. First of all, they dress up and put on a costume for the world outside their home to see; then they’re always going from house to house, city to city, job to job searching for a treat of some sort to make them happy, a quick-fix so to speak. For some reason, they cannot find the overwhelming peace that is needed to get through a day nevertheless a month or year. While I understand that not everyone is open to God or even cares to listen out for Him, they seem unhappy at any event that passes in their life. They claim happiness but deep inside when it comes down to it when they rest their head on the pillow at night, sleep eludes them.

They’ll blame medication, they’ll blame insomnia, they’ll point fingers at the noise of the stirring of the cauldron but they won’t blame themselves for the inability to find peace. The world is addicted to noise that distracts people from finding inner peace, from finding that still small voice of God.

I’ve always been a person who prayerfully meditates, listening for that still place of peace where I hear the words of God, and I do understand that not everyone has the ability to find that place because of all the noise, noise, noise. Yeah, I may have channeled Dr. Seuss on that one but you understand. You’ve tried without success to be still, but it is hard to be found oftentimes because our minds are the loudest noises we hear. You find yourself over-thinking a situation, a bible verse, a chore, a drive, or maybe loneliness. Those are noises that need to be quieted.

Now that I’m among millions in the throes of an illness, I seek even harder to find that silence brewing inside of me. Without my prayer and meditation, I would’ve never embarked on the journey of alternative treatment. I feel with every fiber of my being that God placed me on this path because He too knew I was ready. I cannot speak for others and their journey, or to those who have no God, I can only speak for myself because right at this moment in time, this is MY journey.

I try to share my journey with you so you can see that while I am one of the sinners and noisemakers of the day, I find that still small voice of God trumpeting in my ear for me to come and follow Him and it is only then that I can find solace in my healing journey. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory but I tell you now, even if it is the last resort for you, finding yourself at the mercy of Gods feet will find you some peace in moving forward on the railways of life. May you find the peace that a still small voice will give to you.

Pss. 32:7 "Thou art my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance. Selah."

Quotation Saturday - Hope, Faith, Love!

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Cor. 13:13 (NIV)

HOPE

“Part of the problem with the word 'disabilities' is that it immediately suggests an inability to see or hear or walk or do other things that many of us take for granted. But what of people who can't feel? Or talk about their feelings? Or manage their feelings in constructive ways? What of people who aren't able to form close and strong relationships? And people who cannot find fulfillment in their lives, or those who have lost hope, who live in disappointment and bitterness and find in life no joy, no love? These, it seems to me, are the real disabilities.” 
― Fred Rogers

“TO BE HOPEFUL in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness.
What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places—and there are so many—where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction.
And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.” 
― Howard Zinn

“Since I was young, I have always known this: Life damages us, every one. We can’t escape that damage. But now, I am also learning this: We can be mended. We mend each other” 
― Veronica Roth

“It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It all works out in the end. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers.” 
― Gordon B. Hinckley

FAITH

Keep Going
“Your hardest times often lead to the greatest moments of your life. Keep going. Tough situations build strong people in the end.” 
― Roy T. Bennett

“Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be... a prudent insurance policy.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert

“The moment God is figured out with nice neat lines and definitions, we are no longer dealing with God.” 
― Rob Bell

“There are times when solitude is better than society, and silence is wiser than speech. We should be better Christians if we were more alone, waiting upon God, and gathering through meditation on His Word spiritual strength for labour in his service. We ought to muse upon the things of God, because we thus get the real nutriment out of them. . . . Why is it that some Christians, although they hear many sermons, make but slow advances in the divine life? Because they neglect their closets, and do not thoughtfully meditate on God's Word. They love the wheat, but they do not grind it; they would have the corn, but they will not go forth into the fields to gather it; the fruit hangs upon the tree, but they will not pluck it; the water flows at their feet, but they will not stoop to drink it. From such folly deliver us, O Lord. . . .” 
― Charles Haddon Spurgeon

LOVE

“Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.” 
― Christian D. Larson

“Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.” 
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

“Love is the depth of the soul that flutters every time you breathe. Some enjoy the aroma of breath on their face, others simply exist with no air in their lungs.”
~ Joni Zipp

Walk In Faith

Matt. 6:30 “Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?”

Sometimes in this rushed and hurried world walking in faith is sometimes a struggle. This week alone I needed the armor of a tank to get through. I pulled a muscle in my neck or I have a pinched nerve. I don’t know which exactly it is but the pain left me almost immobile for four days straight. I looked out the window saw the sun shining but couldn’t move to go out and enjoy the seventy-degree days. That meant no walk, no bike, just rest. Sometimes we need to hold onto faith tightly and just trust the Lord in all He is doing.

It’s been one of those weeks where everything goes wrong in the beginning but by the end of the week it turns out to be pretty awesome. I learned a few things this week. I learned it is okay to ask someone for help to do something for you even if it feels like a bother, just ASK! 

I’ve had a pretty stiff neck for the past couple of weeks because of the way I sleep but nothing too painful. But Sunday when I decided to take the trash out and feed the birds, apparently the trash was too heavy as was the bird feed container I carry to fill the birdfeeder. I was too stubborn to ask my son or husband to do the chores for me and the experience taught me a lesson. Let the food in the trash stink up the place, whatever you do, don’t carry the hundred pound potato sacks! That’s how heavy the items felt but the weight was too much on my neck and it rendered me almost 99% immobile by Sunday evening. I could have saved myself a lot of pain had I just asked someone to do the chore for me.

Monday morning found me with my cane and heating pad (blessings) as I sat in my jammies the entire day slowly feeling better but continued resting. The more rest the better is the way I saw the situation. No clothes were washed, no cleaning got done; the men had to fend for themselves, and by the way, made sure MY needs were met. Yeah, they came through for me.

By Tuesday I woke to feel somewhat better but not well enough to clean, do chores and stuff but I was able, albeit a struggle, to take a nice hot shower. I had a writing assignment due and was at a loss on posting the thing, as I could not spend much time on the computer due to the literal pain in my neck! The slightest lowering of my neck or turning it to the left or right was a labor of pain; more rest was necessary. I would give my hubby a percentage of my progress, Tuesday I was at 50% percent feeling better than Sunday. I had washed a load of laundry but was at a standstill when it came time to retrieve the clothes from my very deep washer. I asked for help. I rested more than I worked. I knew my limits and adhered to them strictly.

By Wednesday I was at 80% better! Walking was not hurting, lifting was still an effort but bending my knees when lifting helped immeasurably. I had learned a lot of techniques many years ago when my grandmother had a stroke and needed physical therapy. I was the one who’d be with her daily so I needed to learn techniques in getting her to stand, to lift, to put shoes on etcetera. I didn’t know that I would need the knowledge for myself but it is quite amazing how the techniques all came back to me in an instant.

Wednesday found me asking my son to check the mail. I took over the chore when he got a full-time job working forty to forty-eight hours a week. You might find it funny that retrieving the mail is a chore but just to let you know, my mailbox sits I’d say a half a football field length away from the house if not more. I live in the middle of nowhere remember? The soil is soft, spongy and uncertain terrain in many areas that can jerk the neck into pain all over again so I steered clear of walking, biking and going outside on the beautiful spring-like days.

My mailbox had been overflowing with, you guessed it, the hounding oncology and radiology bills (still) and junk mail but also a card from the angel who has taken a mission upon himself to tuck me under his wing to aid me monetarily so I can continue buying the vitamins, nutrients and even the necessary food. This month’s donation may be used for a knee brace and a foot massager, as both of those will aid me in strengthening my bones and the ability to move in the upcoming cold months.

Since my YouCaring funds have been depleted, I’m on my own now. I should have enough vitamin supplements to get me to January, only because I spent the money wisely on the vitamins most vital to my healing. My physical address can be received by a simple email to jonismuse @ yahoo. com! Or you can ask one of my dear friends for my address as I allow a select few to know my actual whereabouts. Just ask. I would love hearing from the outside world during the holidays as this is going to be a very trying, different Christmas this year as I fight the battle of a lifetime. Unconditional love and support work wonders.

The Survivor

This little fella greeted me on my walk the other day, he survived the recent freeze! 

By Wednesday, late in the day, I felt 90% better so I ventured out and took a small fifteen-minute walk. I could have gone longer but I’m no fool, I will be taking it quite easy for a while before I get back into my crazy insane routines. 

“If diet is wrong, medicine is of no use when diet is correct, medicine is of no need.” ~ Ayurveda teaching

I am still on an extremely low sugar/low carb diet, among other things. The only sugars I get are from NATURAL sources like fruit! I know anything I tell you all about the harm you’re doing your bodies is basically a moot point because, like me, you’ll wait for a death sentence before ever changing your diet. I know we all basically live to die, but yesterday I think I made it quite clear what I’m doing, I’m living to live! Eternal life is my destination and as anything else in and out of this world, the endeavor is no easy task. I walk on faith and that has been one of my strongest assets throughout my life, this time is no different.

God bless each and every one of you for caring for me. That alone has healing powers! 

Deut. 32:20 “And he said, I will hide my face from them, I will see what their end shall be: for they are a very froward generation, children in whom is no faith.”

Living Water

John 7:38 “He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.”

The Living Water

A few weeks have passed since the butterfly event when we changed the mower blade. As I stood there firming up the mower for Hubby who was doing the hard part, changing the blade, I was leaning the mower back so it made for an easy blade change. As I stood there my shadow was cast, and as I looked I saw the shadow of a fluttering butterfly landing on what looked to be my shoulder. I slowly turned my head to the left and to my amazement a butterfly was sitting on my shoulder.

I don’t know how many times you’ve had a butterfly land on your shoulder but to me, it sure was a spiritual experience. As my head turned and he was in my field of vision he realized where he was and took flight. After little squeals of joy, I went about my day thinking of the experience. I love butterflies and with the changing of the season, there are many fighting for their last days collecting pollen from the flowers. But for the fragile beauty to land on my shoulder? I still get goosebumps thinking about it.

I’m always driving my family crazy with my interpretations of events. I’m always saying that was a God moment or something like, that’s Jesus doing His work, more creatively mind you. It happens daily, almost hourly that I’m seeing God in everything so much so that when talking to my son I pointed out that I didn’t even bring Jesus into the equation that time. His response was something like, “You always brings Jesus into the equation.” I smiled ear to ear and said thank you! That is the best compliment someone has ever given me.

If my son and husband see me as always bringing Jesus into the life equation then everyone else must see it too like a crocheted blanket, I weave the warmth and love of living water to everyone who comes in contact with me. Some are open to the interpretation; some roll their eyes, while some must sit in wonder. They wonder just what is this living water I speak of.

From the moment we’re pushed out of the womb to join in this world we thirst, which is just the way God intended. From the moment the nurturing umbilical cord is snipped we long to find the living water that sustained us for nine months. We don’t quite know at the beginning but we begin searching for God from that very moment we breathe life and we seek out the peace and serenity that carried us into this world. 

Jesus explained, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John 4:13b-14).

Eternal life. We don’t know it yet, but that is what we all pursue from the minute we take our first breath. It’s not about living and obtaining materials. It’s not about being rich and successful. Life is not about you, you, you, or me, me, me, it has and always will be about Him.

When you’re walking along a stream crunching leaves and watching as the river flows, you thirst, you want to bend over, cup your hand and drink from the flowing water. It’s only when we bring Jesus into the equation do we really comprehend what it is we’re thirsting for in this life. 

You can look at a river, swim in the stream, but you can never really drink in the eternal life that God has offered you unless you make your life about Him. The living water taps you on the shoulder, lands on your shoulder, presents truth and you either see it for what it is, or you continue swimming in life blind, consumed with selfishness and greed, not even close to being awakened by drinking in the Spirit.

I’ve thought a lot about life and death over these past eight months, more so than usual and I’ve come to the conclusion, it isn’t about my illness or how or what I do to heal, it has and always will be about Him. When I pass on, it won’t be about me, again, it will be about Him. You’ll weep for yourself, for all you did or didn’t do, you’ll weep not for me because deep down you’ll know I have eternal life, not because of what I did in this life physically but what I drank in spiritually and that is and will continue to be, all about Him! No longer thirsty, my life is about drinking the Living Water into my body, reconnecting the umbilical cord that grants me eternal life.

Healing Wounds

Pss. 147: 3 “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.”

Healing Wounds

Reading the news and looking out at the apocalyptic images, it’s obvious we are living in uncertain times. People will argue that we’ve always had wildfires, hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes, and floods and yes, they’d be right. But this year so far ties for weather disasters that have topped the billion-dollar mark. Remember, the year isn’t over yet. 

I believe that like human beings having the capacity to heal our wounds by the intricate ways we’re made (our immune systems) Earth had the ability to heal also. I say HAD the ability because I think the earth is done with our disastrous actions. We laughed and scoffed at climate change, we thought we had hundreds if not thousands of years to heal the planet, we tried the recycling bit, but the earth is wounded. Earth has cried out for our help and we ignored the calls, it is now beyond healing. Earth is now walking to its death.

Jer. 14: 19 “Hast thou utterly rejected Judah? hath thy soul lothed Zion? why hast thou smitten us, and there is no healing for us? we looked for peace, and there is no good; and for the time of healing, and behold trouble!”

It’s not just weather anomalies, it’s human behavior, we’re a messed up species. We betray laws in record proportions. We damage lives without consideration, we go on in life as if everything will just either go away, heal on its own, or eventually get better. Sorry people, we are not getting better, we are not healing, and we’re not even trying if we tell ourselves the truth.

What I do know, for a fact, is that individual healing can and is taking place. Every man and woman alive has the chance to heal. Again, we shrug it all off as if we have time. We eat what we want, drink what we want, we have no restraint as we plow ahead killing ourselves. We are living to die and we’re happy with that.

I’m not happy with just settling for ‘it’ll get better on its own’ and I’m doing everything within my power to change. People call it bravery and being courageous, I don’t see it that way, I see it as a choice, life or death and I choose life. There’s nothing brave about choosing life over death or have we become so mixed up that we see survival as courage?

Josh. 2:11 “And as soon as we had heard these things, our hearts did melt, neither did there remain any more courage in any man, because of you: for the LORD your God, he is God in heaven above, and in earth beneath.”

We are living in times where we get sick, we go to the doctor, he gives us a drug, and tries to pacify what is ailing us. We don’t try healing ourselves we go right to the doctor, taking the pill he offers and then playing the wait and see game. Let’s see if this pill works, if not, we’ll try a different one, over and over. There is something seriously wrong with that. I’m not naïve in my thinking, I’ve had my share of damaging experiences from the medical communities from three different states and can assure you, all of the doctors were different with their approaches to ‘healing’ the sick.

Now I think the country is in the mindset that it is too far-gone, we are too conditioned to change our way of thinking. The earth cannot turn back the clock, the earth takes hundreds of years (if not thousands) to heal, but humans have the ability to change right now in their lifetime! I did it and I’m no different than you. I am fifty years old and changed in the blink of an eye; I chose LIFE! That’s not courage or bravery it is survival. Maybe if everyone saw waking up each day as an opportunity to survive instead of living a mundane ho-hum life of work, eat, sleep, maybe the world wouldn’t be in such bad shape.

I noticed something; Yes, I’ve noticed this happening over the years but more so now than ever before, besides the disastrous weather. When people are sick, they go to the doctor, trust that the pill prescribed will heal them, take the pill, then pray to God the drug works. When the pill doesn’t work, people assume God didn’t answer their prayer. They go back on the drug carousel and go around and around searching for a pill that works and when it finally does, praises God, prayers answered. That doesn’t sound right, does it?

Now imagine getting sick and turning to God first, trusting Him and HEARING him, and patiently waiting FOR HIM to do his healing. Number one, people (yes even believers) don’t want to turn to God first, He takes too long to respond and they want to heal NOW! Second, this is a serious health issue and a doctor is needed. He has happy pills that will make this illness/disease go back to sleep. Thirdly, there is the money factor. You have insurance that will pay for the pills and doctors and by golly, you’re going to utilize it. This is your life in a nutshell.

People would rather heal the outside before healing the inside. People would rather trust in man and his book knowledge than God and His infinite wisdom. Have you ever looked at a DNA strand? Have you ever thought about the intricate layers of healing via our immune system that we have within our grasp? Do you ever think that the Almighty Healer knew what he was doing when creating humans? He trusted us, to take care of our bodies and He put His trust in us to take care of His land, and we can’t even give Him the same trust and respect.

Rev. 20:11 “And I saw a great white throne, and him that sat on it, from whose face the earth and the heaven fled away; and there was found no place for them.”

Man has destroyed man. Man has destroyed the earth and continues to do so and all we can do is BLAME God? Think about it people, God gave us everything we’d ever need to succeed in replenishing our bodies, our souls and the earth and we mangled our duty to trust and OBEY. Sure some of us trust, but the majority does not OBEY! We like to think we do, but if you look around at the catastrophes you can now SEE, we botched the job!

Mal. 4:2 “But unto you that fear my name shall the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in his wings; and ye shall go forth, and grow up as calves of the stall.”

I’ve come to realize something, I was given a death sentence and I chose to trust and obey God on this, that’s it. I’m doing nothing that isn’t in each and every one of our grasp. It’s not bravery it is survival. I’ve realized what I should’ve known (and basically did) many years ago, I’m not fighting to live in this damage depleted world, I’m fighting for my survival in eternity with Him. I’m not returning to him a damaged product, I’m returning to Him a HEALED mind, BODY and soul! It is the very LEAST I can do for Him.

All praise and Glory to God!

Rev. 22:2 “In the midst of the street of it, and on either side of the river, was there the tree of life, which bare twelve manner of fruits, and yielded her fruit every month: and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations.”

Poetry Sunday ~ The Voice of the People

Jer. 17:23 “But they obeyed not, neither inclined their ear, but made their neck stiff, that they might not hear, nor receive instruction.”

The Voice of a People (rewrite)

Divided nation defined by complexion

Giving people of color their own little section

We’ve taken blood and changed it to blue

To suit what’s befitting in all that we do.

Changing the prism that reflects amber light   

Cannot be shaken amid darkened night

Believers are ones who bear heavy burden

To stand together as people are hurting

Sharing the Word through love rearrange

the hearts of men for hatred exchange

Caring for people too feeble to take action

The light we emit gives trails to our traction

As your somber soul grieves, God has a plan

For nations, the living, the slain and for man

Bring forth to the world, the difference, the spark

The part of Light that shadows the dark.

A Disciplined Warrior

2 Chron. 12:14 “And he did evil, because he prepared not his heart to seek the LORD.”

The Disciplined Warrior God Created

Discipline is never easy. Do you remember as a small child some parents disciplined their children? Whether it was taking something away, a smack on the fingers, or a paddle to the butt. Our parents knew we needed discipline if we were ever to learn from our mistakes.

I’m not talking abusing your children here; I’m talking about discipline. 

“Mom, can I go over to Janie’s house?” 

“Did you clean up your room?”

“I’ll do it later.”

Do it now or you can’t go to, Janies.”

Through discipline, children learn respect. They learn to respect parents, teachers and people in general. As you can see, over the years as society disintegrates it is quite obvious the reason behind the fall. Discipline. Even in the most gentle form, discipline has been left on the side of the road for some government official to come by with a sweeper to clean up the mess. Our children are not the only ones wounded by the lack of discipline in society.

Spare the rod and spoil the child comes to mind when referencing God’s plan for us to discipline. He had in mind raising the child in the way that he should go so it would change the world with each new era and generation. Change it did when discipline became an avenue for abusing the child. Now parents are being led to neglect the child and let them pretty much raise themselves with technology as a babysitter. Parents are now allowing the internet and technology to now raise our children and look how well that’s turning out! 

Prov. 13:24 "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."

Adults need discipline also. As I look around at an overweight society, a slowly dying nation has taken shape and I see so many people who lack discipline, lack the skills it takes and forges ahead into the future on sheer blind ambition.

Job 15:35 “They conceive mischief, and bring forth vanity, and their belly prepareth deceit.”

Just like the child who grows to resent discipline, we as an adult species stomp our feet like children when it comes to being disciplined. Some adhere to the discipline, some shrug it off as an annoying nagging pain that will go away, some see discipline as an invasion of the ‘it’s-all-about-me-world’ in which they live.

If you see God as your Father then you should know a little bit about discipline and what He expects from us human beings. He had plans to guide us in life but instead, we became too vain and thought we could march through the world alone, live life without Him holding the reins.

When I was first diagnosed eight months ago with this disease, I turned TO God not AWAY from Him and asked Him what I should do. While he gives some women other options he gave me the option of alternative treatment but I’d need to be disciplined in my approach. I would need the full armor that he bestowed upon me; I would need the strength of little David going into a war of huge proportions. I would meet the giant (big pharma, oncologists, and surgeons) head on and it would wage war against me and I’d need to fight tooth and nail to rise above to reclaim the undisciplined life I was leaving behind.

I had in the palm of my hand faith and hope to endure the trying times that I knew I would face. There is no Awareness Month for the people FIGHTING cancer, there is only a month of awareness set aside for women who are fighting the effects of chemotherapy!

Did you know the reason behind October being Breast Cancer Awareness Month? Back in 1985 the pharmaceutical company pretended to need money and asked you to be aware of the growing-in-astronomical-numbers-the-deaths-from-BC or something like that. BCAM for chemo patients,  and the appearance of survivors of chemo, not for people fighting an illness.

What the pharmaceutical palace didn’t mention was that women (and men) were dying from chemotherapy drugs. No, the awareness that the pharma wants us to look at is the fear and death tied to all that they did to the millions who have perished from a drug, not a disease. Us warriors out here fighting for our life are overlooked, we’re left behind road kill to be scooped up and tossed in the dumpster because we didn’t bend to their way of doing things.

We don’t have a National Compassion Month for WARRIORS, no we have the pharma begging for even more money to be used to make an even better drug to kill cancer patients. THAT is what you support when you go out in force to support BCAM!

It all boils down to discipline. The ones who shrug off discipline because they know what’s better for them than any God are the ones who suffer from the diseases ravishing the world. We do absolutely nothing to change, we just look out at the ocean of people and declare, ‘I am one of you.’

From day one, my sword was sharpened and I went into battle. I went up against a maniacal society hell-bent on doing everything on their own, in their own way never understanding the need or demand for discipline in their lives. I often feel alone but when I look behind I see an army of women and men fighting the exact same way as I am and we’re winning. Quietly we’re winning without the fanfare of a united National Pharma Month. No, we’re alone in this war but in the end, it is disciplined spirits who will win.

All praise and Glory to God!

1 Sam. 7:3 “And Samuel spake unto all the house of Israel, saying, If ye do return unto the LORD with all your hearts, then put away the strange gods and Ashtaroth from among you, and prepare your hearts unto the LORD, and serve him only: and he will deliver you out of the hand of the Philistines.”

Ever Changing

Heb. 13:8 “Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.”

Nothing Stays the Same

As time passes by we see change whether it be in our physical or spiritual growth, our hair, our lifestyle, or our habits, nothing stays the same, it all advances over time. One thing I can assure you is that God does not change, He stays the same for you and me, I believe so we don’t get lost in confusion like every wind of doctrine that flows down the pike or every headline that grabs our attention.

Even the machine that runs our body like our organs, immune system, and DNA has remained the same since the very first man walked the earth. Sure they change with the abusive or neglectful treatment we give them. The more we try to destroy our organs the harder they fight to live for us. I wonder why when someone kills themselves we call it a suicide but when people slowly kill themselves over the years, we call it bad life choices? Is there a difference? Sure, shock value. That has to be it.

There was a day when the word cancer never graced the lips of even the elite doctors. It really didn’t become a problem until the advent of technology. The Industrial Revolution took its toll on our health and well-being with car emissions, processed food, and so much more. We embraced this new age of speed like a kid to candy, we took harmful pathogens at face value never caring if they were damaging parts of our bodies that might not ever be able to recover.

In countries where food is scarce, the Big C is minimal. Why, because those people have to eat off of the land. Here in the Western Civilization, we’ve been given toxins in abundance. It’s as if our government is TRYING to slowly kill us and from the zombie's I see walking around, Americans are all okay with being the cows led to slaughter. And we wonder why people just snap, eh?

Kristi Funk, a breast surgeon to Joanna Kerns, is noted on record as saying this about BC, “It (BC) is under our control and has to do with lifestyle choices, which we can absolutely control,” she says. “If all women would control these things to her best ability, we could absolutely eradicate 50 to 90 percent of all breast cancer.”

If you read from the link, you’ll see that I didn’t pull this dietary change out of my hat and I’m crazy insane (okay, that’s a given) but seriously this is REAL. I’ve done an immense amount of research, and have come up with the best method of saving myself, with the hand of God of course. Maybe it is time for people to wake up and see their surroundings and understand what is REALLY killing them. If you have ills and pains the cause 99.9% of the time is all found in your dietary habits. I know some people are stronger than others in curtailing the abusive behavior to their body but it is not too late to change.

We live in a fast-paced, hurry up, me-first world. We wander from one fast food restaurant to the next looking for the better tasting-deal to feed our faces. We sometimes buy a salad because we’re trying to falsely tell our minds and bodies that we’re eating well. We go to higher-end restaurants because we think they will sell better-for-us food when in a nutshell, they are feeding you contaminated toxic beef/chicken/turkey/fish all GMO modified at some point and your veggies were all treated with round-up. Just short of adding round-up as a condiment with the salt-n-pepper shakers, that you’d NEVER use, but the glyphosate toxin is okay if it is hidden in your food. There’s something wrong with that.

You may reason with yourself that glyphosate is only toxic when taken in at high amounts, you’d probably more than likely be right. Allow me to say, the crops of this western world have been chemically treated FOR YEARS, so yeah, taken in small doses there is no rise in you becoming a cancer statistic, but eaten daily over say ten-fifty years? You’ll SEE why there is a rise in cancer/illness rates. You don't just easily excrete the toxins, like an oil spill in the Pacific, there is always damage left behind.

Funny (not really) how the news media is quick to report (falsely or otherwise) of someone’s death but report about ways to prevent or CURE an illness? Yeah, healthy speak is taboo in this demented nation.

We’re supposed to follow along like kids being led by a rope to all stay together. We’re being herded into a corral of overweight, slowly withering human beings. We’re addicted to food and we ‘try’ our best to overcome our food addiction. As we feed our faces, dripping with gravy, washing our meal down with a KNOWN toxic ‘diet’ cola, we don’t feel good about our choices but we do nothing to change. or stop the poison from entering your mouth. 

Change is for the warriors, change is for leaders, and change is for other people. You know, even God changed His mind. Do you remember the story in Genesis about the tree of good and evil? Adam and Eve were told to NOT eat of the tree or surely they would die!

Gen. 3:3-4 “But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:”

Gen. 1:29 “And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.”

She ate of the tree; while they didn’t physically die, on the day that Eve devoured the forbidden food, a part of our souls perished that we fight like warriors to regain. That is all I’m courageously doing in this healing phase of my life, regaining what was lost.

The most I’ve learned since this illness is that God wants us, yes US, to be disciplined. To learn discipline we must endure pain. We must become warriors of not only the physical world but also the spiritual world, which in the end basically, is where we wind up.

My challenge for you today is this - Don’t just vocalize the words of the bible actually LIVE the Word! Become disciplined. Change your world, become the warrior God created you to be.

Job 36:10 “He openeth also their ear to discipline, and commandeth that they return from iniquity.”